


Tongue Tied

by ShesmyChevyPie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Drinking, Drug Use, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Sexual Content, Swearing, but no one is actually raped its all okay, i just thought id warn you all, no one actually gets raped, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-04 23:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 202,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShesmyChevyPie/pseuds/ShesmyChevyPie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is the Catholic school going do good-er, and Dean is the rebel without a cause. Their paths cross one night in Louisiana when Castiels family comes down from their home in Illinois for vacation. The two seem to instantly click after their meeting. What Castiel first thinks as a blossoming friendship, soon turns into something he never really expected. Castiel goes on a path of self discovery, conquers his own demons (and a few others), and gets the the first taste of love in his first romance. With the help of a certain Winchester that is.<br/>But Castiel seems to keep forgetting that summer isn't forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. June

"Why are we going to Louisiana of all places?" Anna whined from the backseat of the station wagon. She sat next to the door where she had been stubbornly pouting since the family had left from their suburban home in Pontiac, Illinois. Castiel watched her pale face, red lips pressed together in a thin line. She looked like their mother, Castiel thought. He was squished in between his sister and eldest brother Micheal who had barely said two words the entire trip. Out of habit he ran an agitated hand through his thick dark hair, casting an annoyed gaze towards his sister. The air conditioning was broken and the hot summer sun was heating up the inside of the old family station wagon as though they were a bag of popcorn in a microwave. Sweaty skin stuck to leather, miserable bodies bickered back and forth, running on three hours of uncomfortable sleep.

"Anna I told you," Mr. Chuck Shurley sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "Louisiana is a very cultured and memorable place to visit. There's an endless amount of activities to do there! Trust me, sweetheart, once we get there you'll regret ever moping about going. Besides, we're going to visit your cousins and we haven't seen them in...God knows how long."

Anna snorted, shifting her body in the seat, angling herself so her arms and chin now rested on the car door. "I could be soaking up the ocean in Carolina with my friends right about now..." She mumbled.

"Anna." Chuck pressed, his tone seemed annoyed but not angry. "Just...please. Try to enjoy yourself..."

"Whats there to enjoy, Dad?" Gabriel popped up from the backseat, pulling his large earmuff-like headphones down to hang around his neck. "The most exciting thing that has happened since we left was when Samandriel sat on my melted chocolate stash."

"You said it wasn't that bad!" the eight year old whimpered next to him, slinging his arms around the seat in front of him. "You said the people hardly even noticed when we stopped at the gas station."

Gabriel smirked, popping a tootsie pop into his mouth. "I lied."

" _Gabriel!"_

"It really wasn't that bad, Sammy." Lucifer said from the passenger seat up front. All Castiel could see of him was his black chuck taylors resting on the dashboard. One tucked under the other and his feathery blonde hair sticking straight up from humidity above the head of the seat.

"Really?" His little brother asked hopefully.

"Nah..." Castiel could hear the cocky smirk in his big brothers voice, "it was terrible."

That seemed to cause an uproar. Samandriel was whining about how he was always picked on just because he was the youngest, Lucifer was shouting over him to say that he should try getting a sense of humor. Micheal had finally broken out of his silent state, yelling at Lucifer that he should grow up already, that everyone was sick of his stupid jokes and pranks. At this point Gabriel defended the second eldest Shurley boy by saying to Micheal that maybe if he didn't have a stick up his ass people would like being around him more. This resulted in Micheal now turning on Gabriel and saying that he should butt out, calling him a bad name. Gabriel was fuming and Lucifer was telling Micheal to shut the hell up already it was just a joke. Anna was saying that she never ever ever got what she wanted and family vacations were so stupid and  _oh my god Dad why do we even go anywhere with Lucifer and Gabriel always screwing things up its just so unfair Micheal always gets what_ he  _wants._  Micheal rounded on Anna at this, shouting something about how that was so not true, she was such a daddy's girl and blah blah blah. Samandriels high pitched voice was still ringing above the others, he wasn't even making sense anymore he was just making noise. And in the midst of it all, was Castiel.

He sighed at his brothers and sister's chaos. He wished that just once they could all get along. Now, he knew he was not perfect. He quarreled with his siblings more often than not. Mostly it was Gabriel he got upset with. Gabriel was always pulling pranks, sometimes he was even accompanied by Lucifer. But oddly enough, although it was Gabriel he got annoyed with the most, it was Gabriel he got along with the best. Maybe it was the closeness in age between the two. Or maybe it was just that Gabriel hid his loneliness and sadness under pranks and jokes. He could talk to his younger brother about things he felt like he couldn't share with Lucifer or Dad. They had a connection.

Castiels blue eyes met his fathers in the rear view mirror. He looked tired. Dad was always tired. The past six months had been rough on Chuck. Of course his children didn't mean to run him up a wall, they were just kids. It's their job. And of course they were going through the same things he was. With the absence of a mother Lucifer had felt the need to act out. He got in trouble for shop lifting a few months before. He and Mike were fighting more often than usual. Gabriel was constantly locked in his room, sometimes he wouldn't talk to anyone, not even Castiel, for days. Anna was never home. She would rather be with her friends than share her feelings with family. Samandriel would get frustrated, he came home crying a few times, sputtering about mothers day, about how kids asked him where his mom had gone. He would then ask his older brothers where Mom was so he could go find her. Castiel told him that it didn't work that way. Castiel himself had taken to silence. He started talking less and less until he found himself not even speaking when spoken to. He had always been quiet, but this was drastic. Chuck was constantly exhausted. Much like his son Gaberiel he had taken to sometimes locking himself in his office for days. The siblings would sometimes have to set food in there for him, just so he would eat.

Being a single Dad of six children is not something an average person can handle. Especially with someone like Gabriel. Generally they were still a happy family. Everyone has their dark days sometimes. This was the first year they were going on vacation without their mother.

Chuck groaned, shoulders dropping slightly. He then raised his voice over his screaming children. "Can't you kids shut the hell up for two seconds?!"

Silence.

For exactly two seconds Mr. Shurley got his wish for peace and quiet. Two seconds. In this time Anna jammed her chin into her palm, gazing out the window moodily. Castiel watched the bright rays of sunlight dance off his sisters pale ginger skin. Her brown freckles sprouting where there would normally be a caramel tan. Scarlet red hair fell along her shoulders and back without a hair out of place. It looked smooth and silky. It reminded Castiel of his mother. How he used to think her hair was so beautiful it was like ocean waves.

Orange painted finger nails clicked against the glass window. Her blue eyes looked like the flame on the kitchen stove. Flickering with a hint of wild danger.

"...I still wish I was in Carolina." She mumbled.

Chaos again.

Chuck groaned at the steering wheel clasped between white knuckles.

X

The Shurley family pulled into the driveway of their vacation home. It wasn't small, but it wasn't big either. All around the house was bent trees and wild brush, vines tangled themselves around the fence and sun kissed porch. Crickets sang loudly, masked by the darkness of night and overgrown lawn. Chuck had had this place since Gabriel was born. He bought it so the family would have a place to stay when he visited his sister down South. The Shurleys hadn't been to Louisiana since Samandriel was just a toddler, but Chuck's sister and her family usually came up for Christmas because she missed the snow.

Samandriel had fallen asleep and Micheal had to carry him inside. It smelled like old maple syrup and pie crust inside the home. It was creaky and a bit dusty. Castiel watched the pools of dust circle around his suitcase as he dropped the heavy load down on the wood floor. The moonlight shone through the screen door behind him, illuminating the small particles as gravity collected them back to the floor.

"Home sweet home." Chuck sighed as he walked in behind his son, setting two suitcases beside Castiels. "For the summer anyway..." He flashed him a small, tired smile. The crinkles by his eyes denting his skin. Castiel smiled back.

There were three bedrooms and one bathroom upstairs, and one bedroom and one bathroom downstairs. Their father would be sleeping downstairs while Anna got her own room, Micheal and Lucifer shared, and the three youngest boys shared the final room. Samandriel was laying face down and sprawled out on his bed when Castiel reached their room, his ball cap pushed up on top of his head. Castiel smiled at his little brother, shaking his head before tossing his bags onto the unoccupied bed. It was closest to the window.

Gabriels head was resting against the wall as he sat with his headphones attached to his skull, his eyes scanning the words of songs on his iPod in his hand. His eyes were dropping and it was obvious he was tired, but there seemed to be something keeping him awake. Something haunting him.

"Hey, Castiel," Gabriel said, voice groggy and low. He turned to his brother as he positioned his headphones to his neck. Castiel was peeling off his tshirt, stinking of sweat and leather, and pulling back the covers of his bed sheets to finally sleep comfortably.

"What?" He responded.

"Wanna go check out the town?"

"It's nearly midnight and I haven't slept in at least twenty four hours...what do you think."

"I think you need to loosen up a little." Gabriel swung his legs over the side of the bed, his shoes grazing the floor. A wicked grin crossed his face, "C'mon it'll be fun. The adrenaline of sneaking out when everyones asleep...it'll be an adventure c'mon!"

"Gabriel...No." Castiel pulled the quilt up over his body, curling into the mattress.

"But  _Castie-ll,"_  His brother whined, "It'll be so much fun! C'mon we'll just walk around the backyard a bit. How about that?"

"What if we get lost?"

"We won't get lost you wimp. I'll bring a flashlight for you, big baby. C'mon  _please._  We haven't been here for years! We gotta check it out!"

Castiel huffed, flipping around to face his brother and frowning.

"Fine. I'll go." Gabriel pumped his fist in the air with a grin. "But if we get caught-"

"Oh, we wont get caught!" Gabriel snorted, waving a hand at him. "Luci and I sneak out  _allll_  the time."

Castiel stopped pulling a fresh sweatshirt on to give his brother a squinty look. "You do?"

"Oh, yeah," Gabriel tossed his iPod and headphones onto the bedside table, "whenever either of us need a break or anything. You know how Micheal can get. Sometimes we just gotta...leave for a while."

Castiel didn't comment as he pulled on his tennis shoes. He knew very well how Micheal could be. Micheal was not a force to be messed with, especially when he was angry. Lucifer though, toyed with this. He was the only one in the family (besides Dad) who could stand up to Micheal. Gabriel sometimes tried to step in but hes not exactly a fighter. He often finds himself feeling conflicted when the two eldest brothers are arguing. If there's one thing Castiel admires about Gabriel it is his undying affection and loyalty to his siblings. It may not seem obvious to others when they see how Gabriel often picks on and pranks his brothers and sister, but Castiel has seen his brother at the end of the day. He has seen times when Gabriel has held Samandriel while crying. Sometimes they'll both be crying but mostly its just Samandriel. Gabriel would be mumbling something to him, combing his hair as he spoke softly, his tone was like honey. He even saw Anna and him talking. They sat on her bed whispering and Gabriel got her to laugh which made him smile. Him and Lucifer often get along. Usually the two scheme pranks together in Gabriels bedroom, drawing out plans and Lucifer giving his younger brother tips for pranks at school. Once Micheal locked the door to his room, keeping him and Gabriel inside for what seemed like hours. Castiel couldn't hear what they were talking about but he heard murmurs of talk about mom and dad. Gabriel has always been there for Castiel. He mostly looks after his younger siblings but he is definitely the glue that holds the Shurelys together. Castiel will always love that about his brother. Perhaps that's why he feels like he can open up to him the most.

"C'mon!" Gabriel said in an excited whisper, pulling on a black beanie that he swiped out of his backpack, "Lets go! While the night is still young!"

X

The two brothers walked in silence as they entered the dark dense forest behind their vacation home. Gabriel held a flashlight out in front of him, the yellow light capturing the gray bark of trees. Crickets chirped, frogs croaked, and somewhere an owl hooted. Gabriel whispered something about crocodiles in the byoue.

Castiel smirked, tilting his head towards the star filled sky between the canopy's of trees. "Whats that, Gabriel? Getting a little scared?"

"No." Gabriel snorted. "I'm not scared whats there to be scared of I'm not scared..."

The younger brother rolled his eyes and chuckled, picking up his pace slightly to walk ahead of his senior, placing his cold hands into his sweatshirt pocket spread across his belly. The air was fresh and cold, it would have reminded Castiel of fall if it weren't for the smell of flowers and a slight scent of swampy water that made memories of his childhood summers come swimming back.

Gabriels flashlight illuminated his brothers body, hands trembling slightly. His brain whirred with the thought of crocodiles darting out from the brush and snapping at his ankles with their jagged yellow teeth. Twigs and moss crunched and squished under their sneakers. Gabriel flinched when a flock of bats screeched above them. He darted the flashlight up towards the sounds, amber eyes wide. Castiel started laughing and he frowned, shining the light back down to his little brothers joyus face.

"What?" He snapped.

"They're just bats." Castiel giggled.

"Yeah? So? Bats are scary! There's vampire bats aren't there? They have a sharp little tongue or something to break into your skin and suck your blood. We learned about it in science."

Castiel rolled his eyes even though Gabriel couldn't see, he was inspecting the branches of an old swamp tree.

"I highly doubt those were vampire bats," he stated, "vampire bats typically feed off of chickens and cows. Farm animals. Besides, those bats were too big to be vampire bats. Vampires are about the size of a mouse. Those bats up there wanted nothing to do with us. That noise they were making was sonar, they were trying to find bugs to eat. It's like how dolphins find fish."

Gabriel paused and stared at Castiel who was observing the navy sky above. Blue eyes twinkling with the glint of stars millions of miles away.

This is why Gabriel liked to hang out with his little brother. He always found everything so interesting. Something as dumb and simple as different breeds of bats and their dolphin waves or whatever. His curiosity was of childlike wonder and a thirst for learning. Castiel was interesting like that. He got excited over things normal people would find average. Castiel  _made_  things exciting, like he gave things stories. Yeah, Castiel was pretty weird. But that was cool.

"You're such a nerd." Gabriel scoffed before hurrying up to his brother, flashlight bobbing in his grip.

"Just because I know facts about bats doesn't make me a nerd." Castiel said simply.

"No...You being a nerd makes you a nerd."

Amber eyes met blue and the two brothers shared a smile and giggles. Castiel playfully punched the latter in the shoulder. "You...assbutt. That wasn't even that funny. I think you're losing your touch."

"Nah," Gabriel rolled his shoulder. "I just haven't had a good nights sleep in two days. Give me a crunch bar and I'll be bouncin' back. Besides you're one to talk... _assbutt? Really?_  Where'd you come up with that one?"

"Shut up."

A rustle of brush and Gabriel was alert and rigid. The flashlight was clutched close to his chest as though it was going to protect him. The yellow light shining his face up like a beacon. Castiels heart pounded in his chest as he looked over his brothers shoulder where the sound had came from.

"Hey, Uh, C-Castiel..." Gabriel gulped. "You know anything about crocodiles in Louisiana...?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Gabriel. Crocodiles don't live in Louisiana they live in Africa."

"Oh...well that's good..."

"Alligators live in Louisiana."

"Oh... _great..."_

Wide eyes remained glued onto the darkness in front of them. Noises grew louder, the sound of stomping feet and twigs crackling in half echoed through the woods. Until finally, the source of this noise showed itself by soaring through a thicket and stumbling on its own feet, cackling with laughter.

Gabriel almost pissed himself, attaching himself to Castiels arm as another dark body scampered out of the woods. Howling with laughter just like the first. The dark figure nearly tripped over its partner, catching himself and placing a hand on a near by tree for leverage and to catch his breath. Castiel could just make out their outlines in the dark. The shorter of the two was wearing a funny looking hat. Like it was an old nineteen thirties paperboy hat.

"We gotta get goin', brother." He panted in a Cajun accent. "That fella is prolly right behind us."

" _Hey_!" The first figure picked up his head as he finally noticed the brothers standing a few feet in front of them. Armed with a flashlight. "Who the hell are you?"

Gabriel suddenly got a surge of confidence. Realizing that these two were not alligators, nor crocodiles he snapped back to the sassy Gabriel Castiel grew up with. "Who wants to know, kiddo?"

The two newcomers looked to each other in surprise. The one with the hat spoke, "We dunt normally meet any strangers walkin' around at night. Yah lost?"

"No." Gabriel said.

"Tourists?"  
"So what if we are?"

The two looked to each other again, exchanging a laugh. " _Tourists_." They said.

The shorter of the two looked back to the Shurley boys, white teeth flashing in the moonlight. "Mind if I ask what the hell a pair of tourists are doin' wonderin' around these parts in the middle of the night?"

"Whats it to you?" Gabriel barked.

"Gabriel." Castiel said under his breath, "We don't know them. We don't need to act rash.."

"I'm not acting rash." Gabriel hissed.

"Listen to him," The other one-whos voice sounded equivalent to sandpaper-nodded towards Castiel, "If you know whats good for yah."

"You better watch it bucko! I'm not afraid to come up there and sock you in the nuts-" Gabriel began, shoving the flashlight into his brothers hands as he took a step forward, but he was cut off as the four boys all pusillanimously jumped at the sound of dull voices and moving branches. The flashlight finally showed what two strangers really looked like as Castiel held it in front of him. The dark figures turned into people. Castiels heart lept when he saw one of them turn around from looking over at the dark trees where the noises had came from.

He was gorgeous.

Fluffy sandy hair, round green eyes, and freckles dotted all over his face like pieces brown sugar. He was covered in dirt, as well was the other, but it was the latter who was making Castiel feel queasy. Their eyes met as a freckled hand moved up to his face to shield his eyes from the blinding light.  _Oh, god hes perfect..._ Castiel thought as a lump formed in his throat, he wanted to say something to him but his brain drew a blank.

But...wait...did he actually just  _think_  that this guy was...perfect?

He could picture his old principal swatting him with a ruler just now. What in the world made him think  _that_? Castiel liked girls. Not random boys he just so happened to meet while walking through the woods in Louisiana. At least...that was how he was raised. If anyone ever found out Castiel had ever thought that this guy was gorgous without a doubt there would be a massive uproar in his family.  
He tried to tell himself he didn't mean it. Straight guys can still think other guys are physically appealing without wanting to actually pursue them any other way other than platonic friendship right? Right.

But God dammit, Castiel thought he should be damned to Hell right then and there because he couldn't stop  _looking at that face_.

A dirty old leather jackets collar was popped up around his neck. It almost looked a little bit big for him, like it was hand-me-down. Ripped, dirty, blue jeans hid the bare flesh of a terrible case of bow legs. But, Jesus-Mary-and Joseph, were they ever spectacular. A black Metallica t-shirt glinted in the flashlights view for a minute before focusing back onto the face.  
The boy squinted into the light, glaring back at Gabriel and Castiel. His pink lips were moving, but Castiel wasn't making sense of what they were saying. His lips were so round, and pink. Castiel didn't think he had ever seen lips that pink before. Once he was done talking he moved his tongue over them, wetting them. Castiel felt a shiver spill down his spine.  
Pink lips. Pink tongue. Green eyes. Brown freckles. Dirty tan skin.

These physical attributes where racing in Castiels mind; like he was trying to memorize them to the last detail so he wouldn't ever forget.

Next thing he knew the one with the funny hat was running past them.

"It's been fun, boys," He said, "But we gotta get goin'! C'mon, Dean!"

"See yah!" Dean flashed a grubby palm at Gabriel and Castiel as he smirked and ran past them. Castiel was left breathless.

"C'mon, Castiel!" Gabriel pulled on his arm. "We better get going before whoever was chasing them catches up."

Castiel turned to his brother blankly. His brain was foggy and his heart was drumming.

 _Dean. His name was Dean_.

It was when Gabriel was practically dragging him through the marsh was when he came to his senses. His brother was mumbling about how it seemed he was always dragging his little brothers ass around. Gabriel didn't seem to notice that his pain in the ass little brother was blushing more than a whore in church.

Castiels stomach was twisting in knots, and bubbling with confusion. What on earth had gotten into him?

X

The next morning Chuck piled his children back into the station wagon to drive them off to their cousins house. They would be visiting their cousins Raphael, Naomi, and Balthazar. Castiel had missed Balthazar the most. He didn't like Naomi and Raphael much but he had to pretend he liked them because they were family. Naomi was alright sometimes, but when they were little she used to pretend Castiel was her little doll and he hadn't quite forgiven her for that. Raphael was just too serious for his taste.

Aunt Rachel had lived in England while studying for college and had Balthazar with a previous marriage. Which is why Balthazar has an English accent while his siblings do not. When Aunt Rachel got divorced she moved back to the states with little Balthazar, meeting Uncle Joshua, widowed and raising little Raphael by himself. Aunt Rachel says it was love at first sight. Naomi was the product of their first year of marriage.

The last time Castiel had seen his cousins was Christmas before his mother left.

They pulled into the driveway, Aunt Rachel and Naomi were outside waiting for them. Aunt Rachel was beaming, waving enthusiastically to her brother Chuck. Mr. Shurley grinned as he saw his sister and niece. As they filed out of the car Aunt Rachel greeted them with a bone crushing hug. When she reached Castiel she kissed his forehead before wrapping her arms behind his back. Castiel thought she smelled like candied strawberries.

"Oh, Castiel," She sighed as she parted and held his face in her hands. She parted her lips to make a comment, but then seemed to decide not to say it last minute. Instead she found something else to say, "...Balthazar will be delighted to see you. It's all he's talked about for weeks. He couldn't wait for his little cousin Cassie to come down from Illionis."

Castiel just smiled, his neck growing uncomfortably hot from hearing his childhood nickname. "Yeah..." He said softly, "I can't wait to see him too...Where is Balthazar?"

"Oh, he's off running around with a few of the neighbor boys right now. I told him to be back before eleven...He should be here soon. Come on inside your Uncle was just cooking lunch for all of us. We can all catch up and when Balthazar shows up you can go hang out with him, okay?"

Castiel nodded approvingly as his aunt pressed a loving hand to his back and guided him inside their air conditioned house. Anna and Naomi instantly disappeared into Naomi's bedroom, inaudible talking and girlish giggles where all anyone heard from them. Raphael was sitting at the island in the kitchen, his feet tucked behind the stool as his father chopped up vegetables from their backyard garden on the counter. Uncle Joshua hugged Chuck when he saw him. Rapheal jumped down to greet Micheal and Lucifer, his favorite cousins. Castiel noticed a slight glare from Raphael to Gabriel when the third eldest brother walked inside behind Castiel. Gabriel also noticed this and flashed a cheesy grin to their cousin before taking Castiel by the arm and dragging him into the living room, Samandriel tailing behind them.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Living room." Gabriel answered.

"Why?"

"To get away from those douche bags."

"Dad said not to say that word!"

"So? Are you gonna tell him?"

"Well...No..."

"Then they're douche bags."

Samandriel seemed to accept this.

"Man, Balthazar needs to get here. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to stand tweedle dum practically swooning over Mr. American Pie and Juicy Luci. All he ever does when we visit is try to win over their affection. Jesus Christ you'd think they were Greek Gods the way he talks to them."

This got Castiel smirking. "Aunt Rachel said he was due back soon. Raphael isn't that bad, Gabriel."

"You're right," He said, flipping himself onto the couch. Kicking his feet on the coffee table, "He's terrible."

"You two used to play all the time when we were little." Castiel reminded him, "you, Mike, Luce, and Raphael. You were good buddies."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and pretended to shudder, "Don't remind me."

"I like him." Samandriel said, sitting on the chair arm.

"You like everyone." Gabriel pointed out.

"I don't like you."

"Well, Samandriel, buddy, that's a no good lie.  _Everyone_  loves me." Gabriel said coolly as he magically pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket, ripping off the wrapper and taking a bite.

"Where do you keep all of that?" Castiel piped up, arching an eyebrow.

His brother smirked, the chocolate candy was shoved into one cheek comically as he chewed. "Trickster secret. I'm sworn to secrecy." Castiel rolled his eyes. Balthazar, Lucifer and Gabriel all called themselves the tricksters. It was an old inside joke from when they were kids. Castiel felt less interested in getting in on the joke the more they mentioned it.

The screen door was thrown open, followed by two slams against the door as it blew shut. "Honey, I'm home!" Balthazars British voice sang. Dull voices mumbled behind the walls. He wasn't alone.

"Balthy!" Aunt Rachel scolded from the kitchen, "How many times do I have to tell you not to slam the door?!"

"Heyyah, Mum!" Balthazar completely ignored his mothers comment. "Uncle Chuck! Long time no see!"

At the sound of their cousins voice, Gabriel leaped from his spot on the couch. With his younger brothers tailing behind him, he hurried back to the kitchen where the rest of their family was reuniting.

"...Who are these two?" Castiel heard his dad ask Balthazar.

"These are our neighbors. They moved here about a...year ago? Right, Sam?"

"Yeah," A voice, who Castiel guessed was Sam, "We're originally from Kansas."

"Well its nice to meet you. I'm Mr. Shurley."

"I'm Micheal."

"Lucifer."

Gabriel skidded onto the checkered floor, feet sliding across the tile before managing to stop himself by gripping tightly to a counter top. Out of the corner of his eye, Castiel saw Gabriels mouth drop. Surely Balthazar couldn't have looked that different? Or maybe one of the neighbors was a pretty girl.

"Ah, here's my other son. Gabriel...Gabe...Gabriel look alive will you?" Chuck frowned at his sons staring. But when Castiel scampered into the kitchen he saw why his brother had been so shocked. The other neighbor was Dean. The boy from the night before in the woods.

He was no longer covered with dirt and grime, he was now squeaky clean. With the exception of a small cut on his cheek. Castiel stayed rooted to his spot as Samandriel rammed into his back, not expecting his brother to suddenly come to a stop. He mumbled something, but to Castiel his little brother was a million miles away. All there was was Dean and no one else. Piercing green eyes and cinnamon freckles clouded his brain as his heart hammered and stomach flipped itself summer salt after summer salt. He couldn't believe his luck, he didn't think he would ever see that boy again, but here he was. In his Uncles kitchen nonetheless. He felt like he should say something but his mouth had gone dry and his tongue didn't seem to be working. Neither was his brain.

"...I swear they were normal when we left this morning." Chuck was joking when Castiel came to. "These are my sons Gabriel and Castiel. And the one who isn't acting idiotic is Samandriel."

"Hi!" Samandriel bounded forward. "I'm eight!"

"Hey." Dean grinned warmly down at the youngest Shurley brother. "I'm Dean Winchester. This is my brother Sam.

If Dean recognized Gabriel or Castiel from the night before he surely didn't show it. His attention was all focused on Samandriel.

"You know we have a kid brother around your age," He said, "His names Adam. He's visiting his mom right now but next time he's home maybe you can meet him."

"You don't live with your mom?" Samandriel asked in his most innocent voice.

"Samandriel." Chuck said sternly.

"Oh no, it's fine, Mr. Shurley," the other boy, Sam, said with a kind smile. He had flippy brown hair and dimples dented his cheeks. He was also quite short. He looked as though he was about as tall as Gabriel. Which was pretty short, "See, Adams our half brother. We have the same dad, but he has a different mom. But since his mom and our dad aren't married, he sometimes gets to visit us, and sometimes visits his mom."

"Oh," Said Samandriel, "Where's  _your_  mom?"

Something flashed in Deans eyes.

"She...She passed away when I was a baby." Sam answered awkwardly, glancing shiftily at his brother.

"We don't have a mom either."

"Samandriel." Micheal barked.

"She didn't die though-"

" _Samandriel_  that's enough."

"Castiel said she went far far away from us-"

" _Samandriel_ -"  
"He said she probably won't come back. Thats why Daddy is so sad-"

"Alfie shut up!" Gabriel suddenly roared to life. "Don't you know when to shut up!"

Samandriels blue eyes widened as he turned towards his golden haired brother, his mouth still hanging open from being cut off mid-sentence. An awkward and embarrassing silence hung in the air.

Gabriel had used a childhood nickname that they had not used in quite some time. It was no wonder why Samandriel responded to it instead of Micheals repeated hissing.

Balthazar stood awkwardly next to his friends, his lips pressed out comically like a duck and his pale blue colored eyes flicking back and forth from Samandriel to Gabriel. Castiel would have laughed if it weren't for the serious tone in the room.

Chuck cleared his throat and said slowly and evenly, "Gabriel." At the sound of his name the brother turned. "Let's go have a talk. You too Samandriel." Mr. Shurley then turned on his heel and walked slowly out of the kitchen. His sons followed suit.

Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joshua entered from the sliding screen door from the porch, plates of pork chops in their hands.

"What did we miss?" Aunt Rachel asked, beaming with ignorance.

Before Raphael could open his mouth and spill the gossip, Balthazar shot up his hand like he was in school. "Mum!" He said enthusiastically to get her attention. "Can Cassie, Dean, Sam, and I go and take a walk around?"

"Balthazar you just got home."

"I know, but...I haven't seen him in  _ages!_  And the last time he visited this house he was only little. I bet he doesn't even remember what the place looked like. Can't we show him around? Pretty please, Mum? We have loads to catch up on."

Aunt Rachel sighed, smirking. "All right fine. I want you to at least take an apple with you to eat though. I don't want to find out you've gone and passed out on the side of the street."

"Thanks, Mum!" Balthazar swiped a few apples from the fruit bowl on the island and shoved them into Sams hands before spinning on his heel and darting out the front door. The two brothers and Castiel weren't far behind.

X

"You okay, Cassie?" Balthazar asked as the four boys walked down the sidewalk towards town. Balthazar was ahead of them, walking backwards and chewing on his Macintosh apple.

Castiel simply nodded, watching his feet carry his body down the sidewalk.

"Come on, Castiel," He sighed, "I haven't heard you say two words. Say something. Anything!"

Castiels brain seemed to seize this opportunity. Balthazar wanted him to say something, he'll say something. He turned to Dean who was walking next to him and said, "Gabriel and I saw you in the woods last night."

The boy raised his eyebrows in surprise, not expecting the latter to speak to him so suddenly. But his face furrowed the longer he stared at Castiel, as though trying to place his face. Then his lips parted to a friendly smirk when he finally recognized the teenager.

"Ohh, right! That  _was_ you," He gave a slight nod, "I hardly recognized you without the flashlight beaming into my face."

Castiel giggled, heart hammering. "Yeah...Sorry, about that..."

"You were in the woods last night?" Squeaked Sam, "I thought you were with Benny!"

"I  _was_  with Benny." Said his brother, "I was with him in the woods. What where you two doing in the woods anyway?" He turned back to Castiel, "It ain't safe if you don't know you're way around."

"We haven't been to Louisiana in years. Gabriel wanted to have a look around...of course he had to drag me along...I apologize for the way my brother behaved. We didn't want to cause trouble."

"Forget it man," Dean chuckled. "Me and Benny didn't mean any harm. We were just messing with yah. Besides, if we'd known that you were Zar's cousins we'da acted nicer."

"You don't have to worry about Cassie," Balthazar slung an arm around Castiels shoulder, taking him away from Deans good natured smile, "He's a good kid. Right?"

"Why do you keep calling him that?" Dean asked Balthazar with a small smirk.

"What?  _Cassie_?" Balthazar seemed taken a back, "I've always called him that. Since he was just a little tike."

"Well maybe he doesn't like being called Cassie. Do you like being called a girls name, kid?"

Castiel blushed a bit before shrugging. He didn't really mind it, he guessed. It was better than being called any of Lucifers or Gabriels 'pet names' they so affectionately called him.  
"What do you want to be called?" Dean continued.

"Well," Castiel thought for a moment, "I would like to be called my name. But any sort of nickname would suffice I suppose. Samandriel used to call me Cas when he was learning how to talk."

"Cas." Dean repeated, as though testing the name, "Cas. Hmmm...yeah, I can dig it. You look like a Cas. Cas it is then."

Castiel smiled warmly. "Yes," he said, "Cas."

"What do you mean Cassie is a girls name?" Balthazar scoffed, as though he were offended, "I think it's quite gender neutral. Besides you say it like its a bad thing."

"Oh, stop it." Dean rolled his eyes, "I was just teasing'. I didn't mean any harm by it, Zar. You can call him whatever you want as long as it don't hurt his feelings." He nudged Castiel with his elbow, "Right?"

Castiel nodded to Balthazar, "I don't mind, Balthazar. You've called me that for so long I didn't even think of it as a girls name I guess."

Balthazar rolled his shoulders. He seemed to accept this. He changed the subject.

"Welll...Let's go show'ya the lake, Cassie. C'mon!" Balthazar skipped ahead of the three boys. The four had been walking around all afternoon. Castiels feet felt like lead and the only place he wanted to walk to was back to Aunt Rachel's house. But Balthazar is spirited. His way of living was by never staying home. Even when he would come to Pontiac he would drag Castiel and Gabriel and sometimes Lucifer all around their neighborhood, looking for something new and exciting. Anything to keep him from home.

It wasn't that Balthazar didn't love his mother or step father or siblings, he cared deeply for them. It was just that Balthazar had endless amounts of energy and ever since he was a small toddler his mother would tell him that if he wanted to do something do it outside. And that's what he did.

Because Castiel knew protesting would be futile, he didn't say anything to his cousin and continued walking along the sidewalk after him. They cut into a dirt path turning into a wooded area. It wasn't long until they reached a clear pond. The suns light casted crystals into the water. When they showed up a frog had been startled and plopped into the water with a croak, sending ripples through the peaceful lake.

"We go swimming in here all the time." Explained Balthazar, gesturing to a boulder that overlooked the water. "Sammys still too scared to jump off the rock."

"Shut up, I am not!" Sam pouted. He looked at least twelve or thirteen. He was younger than the other three boys all the same. "I'm older now, I can do it this year!"

"Thats what you kept saying all last summer." Balthazar rolled his eyes.

"Well, I mean it this time!" Whined Sam.

Dean just chuckled and looked down at his wristwatch. He muttered a curse before lifting his head back up. "We better be getting back soon, 'Zar. Your mom said she was makin' pie. I can't miss out on pie time."

Castiel giggled.

He liked Dean he decided. If he could have a friend he thinks he would chose Dean. Dean was so kind towards him, and it was nice to have someone outside of his family treat him this way. And he wasn't even being friendly because he had to, he was being friendly just because! It made Castiel feel special inside.

He never really had many friends. Making friends was sort of a weakness of his that he never got around to surpassing. But that was all right. He never really felt the need for friends. He just needed his family, and so far it had suited him just fine. He liked being at home. He liked getting As, and he liked spending time with family. What else was really needed when he was perfectly content with this?

But now...he seemed to be realizing that he was missing out on a great factor of life.

_Friends._

He had only really had one true friend in his lifetime, but started back on the bottom when he entered high school. He never really thought much of socializing with other people outside his bloodline. He had too much on his plate for that it seemed. Church. School. Family. Piano. There wasn't really time for him to have friends it seemed.

But now it was different. He had met Sam and Dean. He would very much like to be their friends he told himself as Balthazar started back up the dirt path, beckoning for the others to follow, and talking about some fair that was taking place here in a week.

 _Dean is so cool_ , he thought,  _Balthazars so lucky to be friends with him_.

But Balthazar and Sam turned to him as though he had spoken. Sam's eyes were wide with surprise as he slowly faced Castiel from up the dirt path. His eyes were flicking from his brother, and back to Castiel. Balthazar looked like he was using every fiber of his being to hold back his laughter. His palm was pressed flat against his mouth to keep the giggles from escaping. His eyes were practically watering.

Castiel didn't understand what was so funny until Dean also turned to look at him. Smirking slightly and his ears were turning pink. "Thanks..."

Castiel turned stiff. His mouth fell open wordlessly like a fish gasping on the dock with its gills burning for water as he came to the realization that that thought had not been as private as he intended it to be.  _Ohmygawd I actually said that aloud didn't I? Oh Jesus Christ our Lord in Heaven-_

"You're pretty cool too, Cas."


	2. An Unexpected Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had a leather jacket, and a classic car, and went sneaking around in the middle of the night to pull pranks. Castiel was an honor student who played piano and hardly had any friends at all. He was a 'good boy.' But Dean seemed like a good boy too. He was just a different kind of good.  
> The part of his brain that was still stuck in Catholic school reminded him of all the 'rules' he had been taught since Kindergarten.
> 
> Dean was all wrong for him, but the pumping in his heart made it feel just right.

They didn't go back to Aunt Rachel's right a way. Of course not. Not with Balthazar around.

Soon after Castiel horribly embarrassed himself, his cousin stepped up and saved the day. Directing attention away from Cas and towards himself. He couldn't stand to see his poor little cousin melt away into a puddle of embarrassment. He told them he would be taking them to town, reminding them that fair would be opening in a week and he wanted to show Castiel the rides they were setting up.

So now as they headed down the hot sidewalk, Castiel kept very close to Balthazar. He went back to being silent, and tried very hard to ignore the burning awareness of Dean walking behind him. He longed for the comfort of his air conditioned home and his own bed.

"Balthazar," Sam sighed, "We've been walking all afternoon! Is it really that important to show Castiel the figgen rides that aren't even up yet?"

"Oh, quit whining, you git. We're nearly there." said Balthazar, "no use turning around now."

Sure enough, when Balthazar lead them around the corner they came to an empty field where workers were hauling large pieces of metal off of trucks to set up rides for the fair Balthazar had told him about. Castiel could see colors of reds, blues, yellows, and greens. Off in the corner, far away from the trucks, was a big red barn where he figured they showed cattle and pigs for the fair.

"You've never been to our fair have you, Cassie?"  
Castiel shook his head.

"Shame," Dean spoke up, suddenly next to his ear and Castiel jumped, "it's loads of fun. 'specially when you've got Mr. Queasy-Stomach over here," he jerked a thumb at Sam behind him, "he ralphed all over my new sneakers last year while we were on the tilt-o-whirl. Our dad had a fit when I came home with puke stained shoes."

"It was the corn dogs," Sam grimaced, " _don't_. Whatever you do  _don't_ eat the corn dogs."

Castiel tried not to giggle.

"You'll come this year?" Dean nudged him in the arm with his elbow, flashing him a kind smile, "you'll be here for the fair right?"

Castiel's neck was growing uncomfortably hot again as he forced himself to answer, "Y-yes...I'll be here for most of the summer. I'll come to the fair."

"Awesome," Dean's smile turned into a broad grin, "We'll make it a date then?"

"Wh-what?" Castiels ears turned bright pink. Dean tossed his head back and laughed.

"Stop picking on my cousin," Balthazar snapped, clasping both hands onto Cas's shoulders and spinning him out of the way, forcing him to stand behind his cousin as though Balthazar was some sort of protective barrier, "you're making him all flustered. He went to a  _Catholic_ school. The nuns will probably whip him if they find out what you're doing to him, Winchester."

Dean laughed again. "I wasn't picking on him, Zar! I think the nuns will make an exception this time, I mean, c'mon. He's pretty damn cute. Who could whip that kid?"

" _Oh_ , so now you're into  _SNM_? What are you trying to do? Take away all of his innocence?!"

Castiel blushed again from behind the safety of Balthazar. His heart hammered in his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up and disappear. He wished that he had never left the comfort of his culd-e-sauc in Illinois. His ears were burning, and not just from the heat of the sun.  
He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way. Everything he had learned in his school told him feeling this way was  _wrong, wrong, wrong._  It was practically drilled into his skull for nine years. But here he was. In Louisiana where he just so happened to meet this boy with a pretty face and even prettier eyes. If this was so wrong, why was his blood rushing? Why was his heart pitter pattering like this? Why did it make him feel all giggly and happy inside when Dean called him cute? This certainly didn't feel wrong. Maybe his teachers were the ones who were wrong.

He only attended Saint James private school up until his high school years, all of the Shurley kids had done the same. Samandriel was still attending while Castiel went to public high school with Gabriel, and Anna. Lucifer and Micheal were newly graduated. Lucifer was nearly thrown out of Saint James when he attended due to the fact that he referred to every nun as  _Mrs. Penguin_ , and once convinced a sixth grader that he was actually the  _real_ Lucifer. He put the whole sixth grade year into such a panic that teachers were getting phone calls from angry parents. Gabriel had a lot to live up to that year.

"Don't you dare taint my precious baby cousin," Balthazar turned around and squished Castiels face between his hands, moving slightly so Dean could see, "Look at this face. He's just an innocent, precious angel. Aren't you, Cassie? Don't get all tangled up in Dean Winchester he'll turn you into a hoodlum!"

"I'm not a hoodlum! What is this, the fifties?" Dean scoffed, "You make me seem like some kinda criminal or somethin'."

Castiel swatted his cousins hands away from his face due to the fact that his cheeks were pinching. Without missing a beat Balthazar moved his hands away from his face and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, leaning against him.  
"Listen, Deanie, I love you, I really do, but I gotta look out for my baby cousin."

"Will you two cut it out," Sam blurted, "can't you tell you're making Castiel uncomfortable?!"

Dean and Balthazar turned back to Castiel, who was trying to squirm away from his cousins grasp. His face was as red as a tomato, and his eyes were sparkling. Though he didn't feel like crying. His cousin released him and he stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over his own feet. He was breathing hard out of his mouth, trying to calm himself. His heart was beating too loud in his ears and everything was too hot. He wanted to go home as soon as possible and take a cold bath. Far away from Dean.

"Castiel," Balthazar's face turned crestfallen with guilt, "are you all right?"

" _No_." He hissed.

"Cas, we-we were just goofin' around..." Dean said softly.  
Castiel ignored him. "I don't appreciate you making a fool of me," this was directed towards Balthazar, "squishing my face and calling me  _precious_  in front of your friends. I'm not a baby. It's embarrassing! I've already been humiliated once today! You've just gone and made it worse, Balthazar!"

His cousin was almost speechless. This was the most Castiel had spoken to him since he had arrived here. Castiel felt a twinge of something dirty and gross inside him. He felt bad for yelling at his favorite cousin like this, but he wasn't going to stand for being treated like this in front of new friends. Were Sam and Dean even considered friends?  
Castiel would very much like to be Deans friend, but would he want to still be his friend after this? It was all making Castiel frustrated and upset. He wanted to be back home.

Maybe his sister was right; coming to Louisiana wasn't such a good idea. Since all of this had just happened on the first day they were here, what was to make of the rest of the summer? A total disaster from the looks of it.

"I'm sorry, Castiel," Balthazar said finally, "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's fine," He mumbled under his breath, his gaze now drawn to his feet.

"No," Dean stepped up, "no, it certainly isn't fine. We shouldn't have done that to yah, Cas. But...you shouldn't feel embarrassed." His hand was resting on Castiels shoulder lightly. The spot burned with awareness of his touch. Cas swallowed hard. "Don't feel embarrassed for sayin' what you said back at the pond. It's fine. Really. How about we just forget about everything else that happened today, okay? Let's start over."

Castiel met his eyes.  
Dean was very close to him and Castiel could see that his freckles went beyond his nose and cheeks. They were spotted all over him. His chin, the space above his mouth and below his nose, some were even splattered on his ears. He could see the light pink scratch on Deans cheek, flawing his perfect skin. Castiel was nodding in agreement without even really knowing he was agreeing.

This made Dean grin again. He took a step back, lifting his hand off of Castiels shoulder and sticking it out as though he were meeting him for the first time, wanting a handshake.

"Hello Castiel, I'm Dean Winchester. Sam's my kid brother, he's the nerd over there next to your cousin. I'm from Kansas. Moved here a while ago with my dad to be closer to my other brother Adam. We live not far from Balthazar's house."

Castiel lifted his hand and clasped it with Deans, moving it up in down in a hand shake. He could feel the rough callouses in his palm as they held their hands together in greeting. His mouth was twitched into a smile.  
"Hello, Dean. I'm Castiel Shurley. I'm from Pontiac Illinois and I'm here visiting my idiot cousin Balthazar and his family. It's very nice to meet you and your brother."

"It's nice to meet you too, Cas."  
"I hope we can be friends?"  
"Wouldn't have it any other way...well. Maybe in some other ways." He winked before releasing his hand, letting Castiels droop to his side. He tried to hide his blush when Balthazar came back around and looped his arm around his cousins shoulder, leading them back the way they came to Aunt Rachels house.

"Now that we're all friends again," He began, but was cut off when Sam made a loud buzzer noise.  
"Wrong!" Sam added after his impression of a buzzer, "I'm still not your friend."

"Shove off, Winchester. You know you love me."

Castiel wiggled out of his cousins grasp again and fell into step beside Dean who smiled warmly at him. Castiel couldn't help but point out the one flaw on his face, "Dean," he raised a finger to point at he pink scratch running along his cheek, "how did you get that cut on your face?"

Dean raised his eyebrows in puzzlement, but he soon remembered what he was referring to. He raised three fingers and brushed them against the scratch, his mouth turning to a frown. "Zachariah." he answered plainly.

"Zachariah?"

"Yeah. The guy Benny and I were running from last night. That's why we had to split five seconds after we ran into you and your brother. Benny and I had pissed all over Zachariahs new car." Castiels mouth fell open and Dean had to laugh from his reaction. He leaned over slightly and whispered, a hand covering his mouth as he spoke, "don't tell Sammy though. He doesn't know we did that. As far as he knows Benny and I just went for a walk in the woods to shoot pebbles at squirrels or somethin'."

"Why did you do that though?"  
Dean rolled his shoulders, shoving his hand back into his pocket, "Mostly 'cause Zachariah and his little posse are raging assholes. We kinda got a never ending fued going on here since I moved here last May. But also because the day school got out Zachariah sent his little cronies Alistair and Azazel to fuck with my baby."

"Your  _baby_?" Castiel tilted his head and squinted, "you have a child?"  
Sam over heard this part, and laughed. "Shut up, Sammy," Dean snapped before turning back to Cas, "No, I didn't mean that kinda baby, Cas. My baby is my car. A 1967 Chevy Impala. Anyway, the bastards keyed her."

"He was wreck," chimed Sam from ahead, "wouldn't get out of bed for a week."

"Shut up, Sammy, I'm tryin' to tell a story! I was not a wreck, I was very upset is what he means. But I fixed her up and she's good as new now." He lowered his voice now so his brother wouldn't hear what he was going to say next, "But Benny and I had to get back at them. You don't fuck with my car, man. So, Benjamin came up with this brilliant idea. Zachariahs an only child, and gets spoiled rotten. For his birthday his parents bought him a new car. So in the middle of the night last night Benny and I snuck out and went up to Zachariahs car and  _pissed_ all over it."

"Sounds like something Gabriel and Lucifer would do." Castiel mumbled. Dean continued on with his story.

"Well, just as Benny and I were finishing soiling Zachariahs new car...the lights came on. You wouldn't  _believe_ how fast we booked it outta there. We ran into the woods hoping we'd loose him. He followed us until we nearly got to Bennys house. The reason I got this scratch is because the son of a bitch chucked a twig at me while we were running. I'm just lucky I didn't get any splinters in my eye."

"No kidding," Castiel didn't even realize he was smiling with amusement, "is it always like that around here?"

Dean shrugged, "Eh, I guess. If you stick with us it is." He then flashed him another cool smile that made Castiels insides squirm. He then added, "I should take you to meet Benny. You sort of met him last night I guess. He's my best friend. Charlies my best friend too, but she still lives in Kansas."

"Whats Charlie like?" Castiel liked listening to Dean talk. He was much more interesting than Castiel was. All Castiel had to tell was stories of Samandriel climbing monkey bars, and maybe some funny stories of the late family dog. Dean was exciting. He had exciting friends that went on adventures with him in the middle of the night, and got scars to prove it.  
He was so enthralled in Dean talking he hardly noticed that Sam and Balthazar were still around.

"She's smart. Like  _scary_ smart. When we were twelve she hacked into the schools computers and nearly got suspended. She's pretty bad ass. I've known her since I was eight. She's so awesome."

Castiel noted that it seemed that all of Deans friends-the ones hes heard of anyway-seemed like kind of people that his older brother Lucifer would hang out with, and the kind of people his mother always warned him about.  _Thugs. Punks_. She called them. The kind of kids that went around causing trouble and messed around in school. Drop outs, pot smokers, the kind of teenagers that stole liquor from their fathers cabinets, and terrorized the neighborhood. Castiel was raised to stay away from this type of people, and so far he had done a swell job of doing it. Growing up he actually sort of feared these kids. He thought they were just bad all over. But if Dean was a thug or a punk, he was the nicest one he's ever met.  
For a moment Castiel had to rethink his entire childhood.

Dean didn't seem bad. He was nice. He seemed fun. His friends seemed fun too. And besides, Balthazar was friends with him. Balthazar wasn't a thug or a punk was he? His mother always allowed Castiel to hang out with his cousin so he must not have been one.  
Castiel wondered if Dean had ever smoked pot or stole liquor or that kind of stuff. The thought of it sort of got his blood pumping with excitement.  
Dean was kind. He agreed to be Castiels friend, and he didn't have many of those. The fact that Dean showed any interest in him was enough to make Castiels skin squirm with happiness. He had friends here.

He decided then that his sister was quite wrong when she said coming to Louisiana was a mistake. Castiel already felt like this summer was going to be quite exciting.

Dean had a leather jacket, and a classic car, and went sneaking around in the middle of the night to pull pranks. Castiel was an honor student who played piano and hardly had any friends at all. He was a ' _good boy_.' But Dean seemed like a good boy too. He was just a different kind of good.  
The part of his brain that was still stuck in Catholic school reminded him of all the 'rules' he had been taught since Kindergarten.

Dean was all wrong for him, but the pumping in his heart made it feel just right.

X

When they arrived back at Aunt Rachel's and Uncle Joshua's, Aunt Rachel was pulling the pie out of the oven. They stepped inside the house and Dean took a long whiff of the air. His eyes sparked. He mumbled quickly about cherry pie and hurried into the kitchen.

"Deans really enthusiastic about pie." Sam explained to Castiel.

" _Dean Winchester_!" They heard Aunt Rachel shout from the kitchen, followed by a loud thwack which must have been her swatting at Deans hands with a cooking utensil, "don't you dare touch those pies! They aren't finished cooling, and you'll burn your fingers right off!"

"Aw, c'mon, Mrs. Rachel," said Deans voice, "I just wanted to see if they were done yet."

" _I'll_  tell you when their done, young man. Everyone else is outside you can wait with them."

Dean made an unhappy noise just as the others filed into the kitchen. The remains of lunch were piled into the sink, and fresh plates and silverware were sitting on the island, along with a large pitcher of iced tea. The two pies that had Dean watering at the mouth were sitting on the open windowsill. Aunt Rachel was wielding a black spatula in one hand while the other rested on her hip. She waved it as she spoke to the boys,  
"I've got my eyes on you three." She pointed it at Sam, Balthazar, and Dean.

"Me?" Sam squeaked, "What have I ever done?"

Aunt Rachel's mouth curved into a playful smile and said, " _Please_. You may act innocent, Sam, but you're still a Winchester. Now get out of here, all of you." She playfully hit her son with the spatula on the top of the head on his way out.

They stepped back outside into the sunlight where Castiels family was all sitting on Aunt Rachel's patio. Uncle Joshua and Chuck were talking, most likely about Joshua's garden that grew beside the house in the backyard. Lucifer and Gabriel were lounging lazily in patio chairs, looking more asleep than awake. Gabriels headphones were plugged over his ears again, and his fingers were clutching his iPod that rested on his stomach.  
Anna and Naomi sat on the porch swing with glasses of iced tea and sunglasses covering their eyes , watching as Micheal tried to show Raphael how to throw a football the right way. Raphael was sort of like the little brother Micheal always wanted his actual little brothers to be. Samandriel in the mean time was climbing up the large tree in the far end of the yard. When he spotted Castiel and Balthazar he waved to them and shouted to get their attention.

"Look how high I am, Castiel!" He exclaimed.

This grabbed the attention of Lucifer who slapped a hand onto Gabriels chest. Gabriel jumped, flinging his arms into the air from the surprise. He pushed himself up on his hands, yanking his headphones down and glared at his brother, as though asking ' _what do you want_ ' without actually moving his lips.

Lucifer rolled his eyes and announced, "Balthazars back."

"Balthy!" Gabriels face contorted into a grin and he swung his legs around on the chair to get up, "where did you guys run off to?"

"I took Cassie around town with Sam and Dean." Balthazar explained.

"Nice to see you again." Dean raised a hand to wave it lazily, giving Gabriel a coy smile.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows in the way he did when he knew he was in trouble. He gave a panicked glance towards Castiel, who smiled and gave a slight nod.

"I told him." He said.

Gabriel scrunched up his face at his brother, like he wanted to get him back for telling Dean this. Instead he looked back to Dean and scratched the back of his head nervously, "Eh...heh, sorry about that, kiddo. No hard feelings?"

Dean flashed him a fake-ish smile, patting him on the shoulder and saying, "I'll think about it,  _bucko._ "

Gabriel squirmed out of his grasp just as Lucifer decided to swagger up from his seat also. He perched his elbow on top of Gabriels head and leaned against him. "What's swinging, shorties? Castiel, you make some new friends?"

Castiel beamed at his brother and nodded his head eagerly. He wished Dean would talk about how he and Benny got back at Zachariah again in front of Lucifer, so his brother could see how cool his new friend was. Lucifer would be quite jealous of how Castiel managed to become friends with Dean before he did. He wanted to show off his new friends to his family.

Lucifer smirked at him. "That's good, Cassie, real good. You know," He turned away from his brother and talked to Dean and Sam, "he doesn't have very many friends back home-"

" _Lucifer_ ," He hissed under his breath, but his older brother ignored him.

"Castiel is the only sixteen year old I know that doesn't have his phone attached to his hand. Never goes to parties. Never ditches school or sneaks out. Nope. Gabriel here and I keep tellin' the kid he needs to live a lil'."

"He certainly does not," Chuck raised his voice from the picnic table he and Uncle Joshua were sitting at, "you're fine just the way you are, Castiel. Don't end up like those two."

"Love you too, Dad." Gabriel called back.

Lucifer rolled his eyes and commented, "Perfect little Castiel. Just like Micheal."

"I am  _not_  like Micheal." He whispered under his breath.

"Mmm...You're right. He at least has more friends than you."

Castiel clenched his fists tightly as Gabriel and Balthazar stepped up in between them.  
"Heee-ey, Luci," Gabriels arms were spread out in front of him as though he was trying to make himself bigger than he actually was, forming a wall between Lucifer and Castiel, "I gotta idea; lets go prank Anna and Naomi, yeah? It'll be hella lot of fun. I've got dental floss and a fake spider in my jacket."

Lucifer looked at him, pondering this for a moment before he agreed, and the two ran off to put their prank together.  
Balthazar was in front of Castiel now, both hands on his arms and his eyes trying to meet his cousins. Castiel was looking at the pattern on the patio bricks.  
"Cassie..." Balthazar murmured, "Castiel are you okay?"

"I hate my brother." He uttered back.  
"I know, I know, he's a dick ain't he? C'mon...Lets go up to my room okay?"  
Castiel just nodded.  
Balthazar beckoned for Sam and Dean to follow.

The four of them all went back inside the house. Aunt Rachel seemed like she was going to teasingly scold them for returning, but Balthazar raised his head and shook it at his mother. His arms were around his cousins shoulders until they reached his bedroom.  
The brothers both sat on the carpet while Balthazar and Castiel took the bed.

"That was low," Balthazar told his cousin, "that last part he said. He shouldn't have said that."

"Ye-yeah," Sam tried to lighten the mood, "I'm sure you have plenty of friends. Don't you, Castiel?"

The room was silent.  
Castiel looked at the tips of his shoelaces hidden somewhere inside the gray shaggy carpet. He didn't have very many friends at all, and he felt embarrassed to admit it. He was childhood friends with Meg Masters up until after the summer of their eighth grade year when they went to different high schools the following school year. He had a few acquaintances here or there but never  _friends_. His only real friends perhaps were his siblings and his cousins. That just felt sad to him now. He couldn't say that aloud. Not when Dean was here. Dean was too cool for him, he was probably the most popular boy in their school here in Louisiana.

"Aw," Dean said with a snort, "'course he's got friends. He's got me and you, Sammy. Right, Cas?"

Castiel looked up and smirked at the cheerful face looking back at him.  
Everything was new here. Dean didn't know anything about Castiel and how he was terribly antisocial and how he really didn't have any friends. He didn't know Castiel was a nerd whose idea of a good time only went as far as playing catch with Samandriel in the back yard in their subdivision home. He had no idea about any of these things, and yet Dean chose to like him. Why? He wanted to know what about himself made Dean act so friendly towards him. Was it just because he was Balthazars cousin? Or did he actually genuinely like him in a way?  
Castiel had a lot to think about.

"Thank you, Dean." He said softly.

"Why do you let him pick on you anyway?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Why do you let your brother pick on you like that? Sammy doesn't let me pick on him. Watch." Dean turned to his brother and flicked his ear.

"Ow!" Sam winced and clapped his palm over the ear that had just been flicked. He frowned darkly at his older brother before lunging at him. Balthazar and Castiel watched the two wrestle on the ground for a while. Sams arms were wrapped around Deans neck, and he was struggling to pin his older brother on the ground. Dean however pushed Sam off of him and sat on his chest. Sam kicked from under him.

"See?" Dean said, panting slightly, "he may be a wuss, but he puts up a fight."  
"I'm not a wuss!" Sam hissed, "get your big butt off of me, you jerk!"

Dean ignored his brother, his gaze locked on Castiel. "Why don't you stand up to your brother?"

"I'm not really one for violence. If I were to argue with Lucifer like Micheal does it would not end well."

Dean seemed to accept this. That, or his train of thought was teetered off the tracks when Sam finally managed to push Dean off and tackled him with a victorious laugh. Balthazar and Castiel watched the two wrestle on the carpet until Aunt Rachel called them down for pie.

X

By the end of the day Castiels face was sun kissed and his stomach was full of Aunt Rachel's cherry pie and iced tea. The sky had turned into a deep violet color and the fireflies were just beginning to flicker around the yard.  
It had been an eventful first day and he was exhausted.

Gabriel had gotten a horrible sun burn from staying outside too long, and to get him back for pranking her with the fake spider earlier Anna was making sure to find every way possible to bump into him and make his skin burn with hurt. Lucifer was keeping a tally of how many times she was able to do it. He had gotten up to ten already.

When the streetlights came on Sam and Dean had to go back home. They promised Castiel that he wouldn't be seeing the last of them. Dean told him that he was going to make sure this was Castiels best summer ever. Cas laughed and said he'd like to see that happen.

They said their goodbyes to their cousins and aunt and uncle and piled back into the station wagon. Now that the sun had gone down the air was cooler and it was more comfortable to sit on the leather. Anna made sure to flick her fingers against Gabriels back before he got inside.

"Eleven." Lucifer announced.

Gabriel muttered under his breath, "Whose side are you on..."

Castiel had scored the passenger seat up front by getting there before his elder siblings while they were still saying goodbye. He clicked on his seat belt and sank back against the leather, breathing in the cold Louisiana air that flowed through the open car window. His father started the car before Anna shut the door behind her, and music from the radio roared to life.  
His eyelids stung with the desire for rest when he closed them.

As they pulled out of the driveway he could still hear his cousins shouting goodbyes, and see you laters.  
He thought about the miles that separated him from Illinois. It seemed like a lifetime away now. Louisiana was a whole new world to him now. Here he had friends. This felt like an opportunity for him to change. To start over. No one else knew him around here.  
He was the one with cool friends for a change. He couldn't wait for Lucifer to see just how rebellious Dean was. The thought of spending his summer with Dean; pranking, causing trouble, and even sneaking out. This gave Castiel chills. The kind of chills that made your bones tingle with excitement of a great something to come. He wasn't sure what this great something was yet exactly, but he just couldn't wait to get this summer started.

This summer was going to be different, he promised himself. This summer he wasn't going to sit by himself and feel sad for not being invited to go anywhere. This summer he wasn't going to be stuck holding Samandriels hand when he was asked to take him to the park.  
This summer was going to be spent right.

Leather jackets, cold summer nights, and fast black cars swooshed in front of his eyelids in hopes of being able to experience these things. They were just out of his reach, so close he could taste it.

"What are we gonna do tomorrow, Dad?" Came Samandriels voice from the backseat.

"I have to go grocery shopping for the house," he replied, "anyone's welcome to come along. But you all can stay at the house too. Just don't...set the town on fire or something."

"He's talking to  _you_ , Gabriel." Micheal told him and Anna slapped his arm.  
"Twelve." Said Lucifer.

Gabriel yelped and jerked his arm back, nursing it with his other hand and pouting, "You weren't even trying to play it off as an accident that time!  _Dad_ , Anna keeps hitting my sun burn!"

"My hand slipped," Anna rolled her shoulder, "Sorry."

Castiel sighed dreamily. His hand dangled out the window, cutting through the summer air as his father drove. The memories of the day replaying in his mind. His siblings were galaxies away from him now. He fell into a place somewhere in between sleep and consciousness where a friendly face with green eyes and freckles smiled at him while the song on the radio still played in his ears.

Back in Illinois he was known as Castiel. An honor student from a Catholic school. A do-good-er. A friendless introvert who would spend days keeping to himself and playing piano. Not communicating with anyone. He wore blue ties and button down shirts.

Here in Louisiana; he was Cas.


	3. Castiel's Par-Take in Pranking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't supposed to think about kissing boys. He was Castiel. Why in the world would he ever think about doing such a thing like that? How absurd of him. He wasn't supposed to like boys like Dean, he wasn't supposed to think about kissing them in back alleys, he wasn't supposed to think they were cute, and he definitely shouldn't be thinking about feeling that warmth again.

Castiel slept late into the afternoon the next day.

He didn't remember crawling into bed the night before, and didn't know when he fell asleep.

The room was hot and stuffy. He got up and jimmied open his window. There wasn't even a little breeze outside. He huffed; frustrated, and peeled off his clothes that he had been wearing the day before,and stole one of Gabriels blue tank tops (because it was his favorite color and Gabriel had stolen his red one).  
Running a hand through his tangled hair he made his way downstairs.

He found Gabriel sitting in the living room, bobbing his head to whatever song he was listening to on his iPod. His skin was still pink from his sunburn yesterday, and he had a slight case of raccoon eyes.

Castiel went to look through the cupboards in the kitchen but only found the remains of what was left of a cereal box. He shook the Fruity Pebbles to listen to how much was left; not much. He had slept in too late, and his siblings had eaten it all. It was a sort of rule in their family that if you didn't eat fast you didn't eat. Only in extreme cases was this true.  
They had brought snacks on the road trip down but had already eaten them all. What was left of their snacks was gone by this morning.

Chuck had said something about going grocery shopping, so obviously Castiel wasn't going to starve to death.

He went back to be with Gabriel in the living room.  
He plopped down on the couch next to his brother and grabbed the T.V. remote. "Where is everyone?" He asked, flipping lazily through channels.

"Dad went to the market with Anna and Samandriel," Gabriel said, a little to loudly due to the music blaring in his ears, "Mike and Luce went to the park to play football."

"So it's just you and me?"  
"Yep! Ain't it great?" He slugged his brother in the arm a little too hard, "Jus' me and you. Like the good old days."

"What good old days? You tried to kill me when I was eight!"  
"I didn't try to kill you," Gabriel rolled his eyes, "I just wanted to see how fast you could go on those roller skates. I didn't know you would go flying into the pond!"

Castiel folded his arms over his chest, narrowing his eyes to slits.

"Don't look at me like that, squirt," Gabriel now had his headphones slung around his neck, ut they were still emitting loud music, "don't tell me you're still butt hurt over that. I was nine! I didn't know any better! Honestly, Castiel, do you really think I would want you to go flying off that corner into the pond? It was a stupid accident, and I'm sorry. Better now, knuckle head?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and shoved at Gabriels chest, but he was smirking. He didn't tell Gabriel about how he still had nightmares about it. He knew it wasn't his brothers fault. He just liked to tease him about it sometimes when he was mad at him, or something like that. He didn't want him to actually feel guilty.

But there are nights when Castiel will dream that he's still trapped under the cold water. His feet feel heavy from the skates pulling him under, and no matter how hard he thrashes he can't get the the surface. He can see the white light of the sun above him, and his hands claw for it. His lungs burn for oxygen. Bubbles swirl around him and in front of his eyes. All around him is blue, and below him is the deep black abyss he fears. He knows he's been here before, but this time he doesn't think Micheal will get to him in time to save him.  
He always wakes up tangled in blankets, his hair sticking straight up, dripping in sweat, and his lungs screaming for breath.

It's been a while since he's had that dream.

"So what so you want to do, kiddo?" Gabriel propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of him, tucking his arms behind his head, and now chewing on a Twix bar that he had not had a few moments ago.

"I would like some of that candy of yours." Castiel made a grab for the chocolate but Gabriel jerked it away, giving him a dirty look.

"Get yer own!" He snapped, thickly.

"C'mon, Gabriel, you guys ate all the cereal! I'm hungry!"

His brother wrinkled his nose in thought, clutching his candy protectively to his chest. "Well..." He began, "I guess you can have half of the one I haven't bitten yet...only this once though. Don't come running to me every time you need your candy fix 'cause I ain't a vending machine."

"Whatever, Gabriel, just give me some, please."

Gabriel snapped the uneaten Twix bar in half and gave part of it to Castiel. He tore off his end with his teeth and chewed happily.

There was a knock at the front door.

"You'll get it." Gabriel told Castiel in a sing-song sort of voice.

Castiel glared at him but obliged. He got up from the couch, still eating his candy that now felt like it was melting in his hand, and went to answer the door.  
Balthazar was standing at the other side of it.

"Balthazar," he greeted in surprise, "I thought you guys weren't coming over until tomorrow."

"Oh, we aren't," he replied, "I just thought I would stop by, and see if you would like to come over to Dean and Sams with me."

Castiel cocked his head to the side. Suspicious of Balthazars actions.  
Why would his cousin come all this way just to take him back to Sam and Deans place? Why wouldn't he be inviting Gabriel also? He liked Gabriel just as much as he liked Castiel. Balthazar seemed too cheerful to him. He was planning something. He was up to a dirty trick; Castiel just wasn't sure why, or what he could be planning. Balthazar was hard to figure out sometimes.

"Okay," he agreed slowly, unsure of himself, "I'll come along. Gabriel can't come?"

"No." Balthazar said, trying to maintain a calm and cool persona, "just you, Cassie. Just me and you. Okay?"

"Okay..." He leaned back in the house to call to his brother, "Gabriel, I'm going out!"

"Out?" Gabriel replied in a surprised yelp, "You? You don't go out! Are you feeling okay? Have you got heat stroke?"

"I'm fine Gabriel. I'll be back later."  
"Okay. I'll just be here then. All-ll by myself. Just don't be surprised when you come back to find that I've made a sex dungeon in our bedroom."

"Don't be gross." Castiel tried not laugh to not encourage his brothers dumb jokes, as he shut the door and scampered down the porch steps with his cousin.

"Balthazar, what's the real reason you wanted me to come to Sam and Deans with you?" Castiel asked, kicking a pebble off the sidewalk with his shoe while they walked.

Balthazar rolled his shoulder, looking ahead. "What real reason? Sam and Dean like you, I like you, they like me, we're all friends. We can all hang out. Whats the big deal?"

"You're up to something, I know it."  
"Now why would I be up to something, Cassie? I'm not one to go around messing with people am I?"  
"Yes."

Balthazar pretended to be insulted. "Well! Castiel I can say that I for one am surprised! I have never!"

"Oh, cut it out, you big drama queen. Just tell me what you're up to."

Balthazar looked shiftily around him. Like he was about to tell something to Castiel that was very secretive, and he was afraid someone around them might hear. He leaned over slightly to whisper out of the corner of his mouth into his cousins ear. Suddenly adapting a southern accent.

"Well...I can't tell you everything, Cassie, but I'll just say this...word on the street is someone's sort of sweet on you."

Castiel knitted his eyebrows and glared at Balthazar, confused. He hadn't heard this saying before. Sweet on him? Did he mean someone liked him? Who would like him? He hadn't really met anyone else besides Dean and Sam. He was quite puzzled and wanted Balthazar to tell him more.

"Someone likes me?"  
"Yep."  
"Well, who?"  
"Oh, Lord, Cas..." Balthazar sighed and rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, "What in the world am I going to do with you two..."

"What?" Castiel frowned, "Who likes me? I'm confused, Balthazar. The only people I met were Sam and Dean."

Balthazar gave him a shifty side-ways glance. The corners of his eyes grinning slightly.

"Wait..." Castiels feet came to a stop while his cousin continued walking. His chest suddenly felt tight, and it was squeezing against his lungs. "Do you mean...Dean...likes me?""

"I didn't say that." Balthazar said cheerfully.

Castiels feet suddenly remembered how to work again. "Wait, Balthazar! Please tell me! What did Dean say about me?"

"I'm sworn to secrecy, Castiel! Not another word! I didn't say Dean per say. I said someone. Someone, Castiel, someone. And you didn't hear anything from me as far as anyone else is concerned!"

"Well...Why would a boy like me?" Castiel snorted, "I don't like boys."

Balthazars mouth split into a sneeky smirk, "Are you sure about that, Cassie?"

Cas huffed, "Yes, I'm quite sure."

"All right." His cousin shrugged, balancing himself along the edge of the sidewalk, nearly tipping into the road once or twice. "You seemed pretty excited when you thought Dean had a crush on you though." He looked to Cas and winked.

Castiel grunted unhappily at his cousin. He wanted Balthazar to tell him everything he knew about Dean. Had Dean talked about him? What did he like about him? Why did he like him at all? Did Dean really like him, or was Balthazar just teasing him?  
The more he thought about it the more questions arose in his mind.  
It was a lot to take in.

Then he thought that he shouldn't even be worrying about this kind of stuff. Dean was a boy. A boy, a boy, a boy. He didn't like boys. Not like that. Of course not.  
But no matter how hard he tried to tell himself he didn't like boys, the fluttery wings of butterflies beat against his stomach every time he thought about Dean. He tried to tell himself that it was because he was happy to have a new friend.

He stared hard at the houses they passed while walking on the sidewalk. He hardly recognized Balthazars existence the rest of the trip. It wasn't because he was angry with him. Castiel just preferred thinking. He had a lot to think about since the events of the past two days. A lot of it having to do with Dean. And due to taking on the initiative of not talking; it turned into a habit of his to drift off into thought.

Blathazar seemed unnerved by this. He simply carried on with their walk, and didn't pester Castiel about being quiet, or anything like that. Castiel liked it when Balthazar was like this.

They crossed the railroad tracks and arrived on the Winchesters street. Balthazar pointed this out to Castiel when he saw the green sign on the corner. He pointed to it and told Castiel that if he ever wanted to visit them without Balthazar he would need to know the street name.

"Why do you think I would do that?" Castiel asked.  
Balthazar just smirked and winked again.

He then led him to the very corner of this street to the tiny little brown house that would almost go unnoticed by passer by. It had two windows in the front, and one on the side that Castiel could see. He could also see yellow drapes peeking out of the corners inside this window, and when he got closer he could see a brown round table and four brown chairs at the far end of the room. The windows were bordered by rain withered white shutters.  
There was a small shed in the backyard, the color of it matched the house.  
The house was circled in a chain link fence that made Castiel feel like he was entering a prison yard. The gray sidewalk pointed a path up to their house, and to the two cement steps under the screen door.

Balthazar trotted up the two steps like he's probably done a million times before, and ratted on the screen door. This was followed by loud, deep barking of a dog inside the house. Castiel could hear its nails clicking against the floorboards as it came closer to the door, its barks getting louder.  
Balthazar gave Castiel a confused glance. As though he should know why this was odd too.

They then heard scuffing of footsteps, and voices being muffled by the dogs barks. Castiel could recognize the tones and pitches of the voices as Deans and Sams. He could just make out the jist of what the two were fighting about over the dogs barks.

"Sam! I told you to put that thing outside!"  
"He's not a thing! Besides, he wanted to stay inside with me. He wasn't doing anything wrong!"  
"Just hold 'em back while I answer the door will ya? We don't need him killin' the mail man or somethin'."

Balthazar began to get inpatient and ratted on the door again.

"I'm comin, I'm comin'!" Dean shouted, "get outta the way, Fido. Sam!"

"I told you, I got him!"

Dean yanked open the door and seemed surprised to see Balthazar and Castiel standing there. Sam was crouched down next to him, his arms wrapped around a furry golden retriever. Its pink tongue stuck out of its mouth, and it whined every so often with the desire to run up and greet the guests. Its otter like tail waved behind Sams head.

"Since when do you have a dog?" Was Balthazars greeting.

Dean frowned, turning to glare at the dog. "Sam found it this morning. Dad's never going to let you keep it, you know?"

"I'll persuade him." Sam said indubitably,wrapping his arms tighter around the dog.

"What's his name?" Castiel found himself asking, crouching down on the steps in front of the dog. He stuck out his hand for it the sniff and once he licked it in greeting Castiel began to stoke the fluffy golden fur.

"Bones." Sam chirped, "Isn't he sweet? Who would leave a sweetheart like him just rummaging around in the garbage, huh? He needed a place to stay so I made Dean bring him home."

"He's very nice." Castiel smiled, scratching Bones behind the ear.

"You like dogs too?"  
"Yes. We used to have one when I was younger. He was a fox terrier. You know the ones with the stumpy tails? He had brown spots on his ears and a brown mask on his face. His name was Max. Gabriel was his favorite I think. They always played together. He was supposed to be the familys dog, but he ended up being Gabriels. It's not that Max didn't like anyone else, he just liked Gabe. Anyway he died a while ago. Mother wouldn't let us get a new puppy after him. She didn't like animals."

"I'm sorry," Sam said, and he really did seem sorry, "Was your brother sad when he died?"  
Castiel nodded, "Gabriel was very upset, yes."

"Dad never lets us have dogs either," said Sam, "But I think Bones will make him change his mind."

Dean coughed loudly.  
When Castiel looked up he spotted him leaning up against the door frame with his hands in his pockets."Well, yah know...I..I was the one who came up with the idea to take him home in the first place." He bragged.

"You were not!" Sam snarled, making a face at his brother. "You're afraid of dogs! You big baby."

"I am not, bitch." retorted Dean.  
"Are too, jerk. You're just trying to sound cool in front of Castiel because now you know he likes dogs too!"  
"Shut up, Sam. I'm not afraid of dogs!"  
"Oh, yeah? Pet Bones then."

Fear seemed to cross Deans face. It turned an odd shade of green and white. Castiel felt a twinge of ugliness cross his stomach. He wanted to leap up and tell Dean that he didn't need to pet the dog, that it was alright if he was afraid. That he didn't need to seem like a big shot in front of him, because he already liked him. But he didn't do any of that. He also didn't want to wound Deans ego.

When Dean pulled his hand out of his pocket it was shaking slightly. He leaned forward to place a hand on Bones head, but when the wet black nose lifted into the air to take a whiff at the new hand coming towards him, the nose pressed against the pink palm,and Dean yelped, drawing back his hand and coiling into himself.

"Did you see that? He was going to rip my fingers off, I could see it in his eyes!"

"Calm down, Dean," Balthazar sighed. It seems as though he had witnessed this fight before. Or something similar to it, "The dog wasn't going to attack you, and you don't have to pet it if you don't want to. Sam, you shouldn't pester your brother like that. Fear isn't a fun thing to toy with. You know he doesn't like dogs."

"Sorry, Dean." Sam mumbled, his eyes now looking shamefully at the floor. Bones nudged his hair with his snout.

"Good. Now that that's cleaned up; lets get going," Balathazar placed his hands on his hips, "its the second week of summer vacation and I need something to do! Lets go paint the town red shall we?"

"We're painting?" Castiel asked.

Balthazar slapped his hand to his head in disbelief.

Sam decided to hide Bones in the shed while the four of them were going to be gone. He didn't want his father to come home early and to find a dog running around the house. So he put him in the shed with a bowl of water and some raw meat. He also made sure to crack the small windows in the shed just a bit for the dog.

"Okay, Bones," Sam told him before shutting the door, "you be good while I'm gone, okay?"

They then left the Winchesters home and headed back towards where Castiel and Balthazar came from. Walking back over the railroad tracks as the afternoon sun beat miserably down on them. Balthazar suggested that they all take a walk up to town where they could get ice cream, or visit Benny. Dean then got all excited. He told Castiel that he just had to meet Benny. They had to go meet him today because tomorrow he was going to go visit his sister in New Orleans.

Sam grumbled at the mention of going to meet up with Benny. Sam didn't seem like he liked Benny very much.  
He went along with them anyway.

It was a long walk to town. Longer than Castiel remembered it being the day before.  
By the time they reached downtown sweat was pooling down his legs in a miserable and sticky fashion. He hoped this Benny guy had air conditioning in his house.

They arrived at the Lafitte's. Bennys family owned a diner and lived in the house behind it. The diner seemed to be a big hit in the town. Cars were piled in the parking lot for the lunch rush. As they passed by a window Dean raised his hand in a wave, and a woman-Who Cas suspected to be Bennys mother-smiled cheerfully and waved back. Her eyes looked very tired.

They walked up a dirt path towards the house behind the diner. It was an old wooden house with two stories and a chimney. Cats laid lazily on the porch in the hot summer sun.

Dean ran up the porch steps and to the wooden door. He balled up his fist and pounded heavily. He then stood back and looked up towards the second story window, as though waiting for some sort of sign that his friend heard him and was coming to meet him. Sure enough, a face peeked out from behind white blinds in the window Dean had been looking at. The face contorted into gleeful surprise, and then vanished away.  
The face wasn't gone for long. Castiel saw it again when he threw open the door and greeted Dean with, "Brother!"

Dean then rushed at him, tackling him to the ground with a loud thunk. Castiel frowned. He didn't understand this. Benny was Deans brother too? Why were they fighting now?  
He looked to Balthazar and Sam for answers. Sam was playing with the dirt. His shoe moving along the sandy path to form a nice neat pile of gray dirt to one side of him. Balthazar was merely watching the two fight with pure boredom etched across his face. Once Benny had Dean pinned they called a truce and Benny helped Dean up.

"I thought you two liked each other." Castiel found himself saying. He was a little surprised at himself. He wasn't one for starting a conversation, let alone starting a conversation in front of someone new.

Benny and Dean looked at each other after stepping off the final porch step. Then looked back at Cas. "'Course we like each other." Said Benny.

"Then why were you fighting?" Castiel felt anxiety prickle around the edges of his stomach as he spoke softly. He was starting to wish Balthazar hadn't brought him here.

"It's just somethin' we do, Cas," Dean said, reassuringly, "nothin' to get upset about. Bennys my pal." And then as though to prove it, he wrapped an arm around Benny and patted his shoulder.

"All right..." Castiel said shyly.

"Oh, right, Benny! This is my new friend Castiel," Dean stepped up to introduce the two, "he's Balthazars cousin from-?"

"Illinois."  
"Illinois! He came down here to visit for the summer. You may know him as the guy with the flashlight from that night in the woods. Cas, this is my best friend Benny Lafitte."

"Pleasure to meet yah, brother." Benny tipped his hat, flashing a kind smile towards Castiel.  
There was that word again. Brother. Castiel didn't realize that his years of being an antisocial introvert had left him like this. Brother was a term Benny used with the same kind of air as 'friend' or 'dude'. Castiel felt dumb for thinking too much.

"Heyah, Sam. You came to see me too?" Benny flashed another toothy grin to Sam who crossed his arms over his chest moodily.

"I was forced." He said.

"Oh, you were not." said Dean, "You wanted to come, bitch."  
"Did not, jerk."

"Girls, girls!" Balthazar stepped forward, pushing both hands up into the air to draw attention to himself, "You're both pretty! Now, can we go do something exciting?"

"What do ya have in mind, Zar?" Benny asked.

That was when Balthazars real plan for this whole day finally came unraveled.

X

"If you wanted to prank someone," Castiel panted, struggling to keep up with his arms laden with egg cartons, "Why didn't you allow Gabriel to come?"

Balthazar peered over his shoulder to make sure no one else was around before answering. "Because, Cassie," he hissed, "this isn't just any old prank. This is a test. If you want Deanie over there to really get the hots for you, you gotta do something rebellious."

Castiels heart jumped against his ribs, "Balthazar, I don't like Dean though."

"'Course you do," he said, "It's written all over your dumb face when you look at each other."

"It is not!" Huffed Castiel, "I told you, I don't like boys! I'm not gay, Balthazar!"

Balthazar rolled his eyes again, looking annoyed.

"I don't!"  
"Well, okay, maybe you don't like boys, but c'mon, Cas, you totally got the hots for Dean."

"I do not!"  
"Do too!"  
"Do not!"  
"Do too!"

"Will you two shut up?" Benny barked at them from ahead, "What the hell are you fighting about anyways?"

Castiels face felt hot, and he glared at Balthazar as though daring him to tell Benny. Balthazar wrinkled his nose at Cas before turning to Benny with a fake smile and said, "Just some friendly family bickering. Carry on."

Benny turned his head back around to continue his conversation with Dean. Sam tailed along beside them.

Balthazar looked back to his cousin and said in a more hushed tone, "Now hurry up time is of the virtue, Cassie."

"Why are we pranking Alistair again? I thought they only disliked Dean and Benny."

"Oh, Castiel, you've got a lot to learn. You see, I'm friends with Dean and Benny, so I'm instantly seen as an enemy also. Now last week, before school got out of course, I was merely minding my own business in the gym locker room showers when that horrible Alistair came up and stole all my clothes! He just ran off with them to his next class, and I was left wondering around in a towel. 'Course I would have just taken the towel off and ran after him-you know making a joke out of it-but I couldn't afford to get expelled. It was horrible nonetheless."

"So now we're egging his house?"  
"Naturally."  
"Don't you think we got enough eggs, Balathazar? I mean you have Sam, Benny, and Dean all carrying a million of them. I feel bad for taking all of them from Bennys diner. Can't we put some back?"  
"No! Every egg is precious and must be used for this prank! I want Alistair's house to smell like rotten eggs until Christmas!"  
"Fair enough I suppose." Castiel sighed.

Benny, Sam, and Dean were ahead of them, leading the way to Alistair's house.

It was in town, not far from where Benny lived. It wouldn't take long to get there. Faster if they had a car, but the only one with a car was Dean, and his father had taken the Impala to work that day. So they were left with walking.

Alistair's house was big. It was bigger than Aunt Rachel's and Uncle Joshua's house. It was pure white, and had green bushes and multicolored tulips decorating the garden next to the porch. It seemed like it used to be an old plantation house. In fact, Castiel noted, a lot of these houses seemed to look like that.

When they arrived in the driveway Dean and Benny set down their cartons on the pavement. They turned around to look at Balthazar, "Well, Zar," Said Benny, "you're the boss. You're prank, you're move. Whatcha wanna hit first?"

Balthazar flipped open one of the cartons Castiel was holding, and pulled out a pearly white egg, toying with it in his hand. He looked thoughtfully up at the house, walking closer as he did. He then bent his arm back, mustering up all the strength he could, and whipped it at the garage door. It collided with the door, shattering the shell and tainting the white door with a yellow liquid.  
Balthazar gazed at it his hands on his hips and grinning. "All right, men," he announced, "fire at will!"

Dean, Sam, and Benny all began flinging out their eggs from the cartons, sending them flying all around the yard. The eggs hit the porch, the windows, the house, the grass. All shattering their shells and splattering sticky yellow and white goo everywhere. Everyone was laughing.  
Castiel stood in the midst of it all. Simply watching. He wasn't exactly watching the eggs being tossed every which a way; he was watching Dean. He was studying the way his arm arched backwards, and the way he tossed his arms up in the air when the egg hit his target. The way he looked towards Benny to cheer in victory with him. His face cracked into a smile of laughter that was so genuine, and full of joy it made a flush of warmth surge through Castiels body. His eyes crinkled, his teeth beaming white, and his freckles popping out in the bright sunlight.  
Castiel didn't even really realize he was staring until he was looking into green eyes. He blushed slightly, but Dean just kept on smiling at him. Castiel hardly heard him when he asked, "Why aren't you throwing some eggs, Cas?"

"Oh, we-well..." Castiel needed to think up an excuse fast. He couldn't say he wasn't throwing the eggs because he was distracted by Dean, that would not only be creepy, but it would definitely flounder his friendship with Dean. "I was-I was just thinking...Balthazar said he wanted to make Alistairs house smell like rotten eggs so...wouldn't it be better to hide the eggs where they can't find them, so they'll sit out in the sun and rot? R-right?"

"That's an awesome idea, Cas!" Dean grinned.  
"You-You really think so?"  
"Hell yeah! Let's do it! C'mon I'll go with you." He picked up a carton off the driveway and nodded his head in the direction of Alistairs yard. Signaling Castiel to join him. Sheepishly, he did. They left Benny, Sam, and Balthazar standing in the driveway.

"Okay, Cas, where do you think is a good place to hide these eggs?" Dean asked when they rounded to the side of the house.

Castiel pointed to a rose bush, "The garden. We could put them in the bushes so no one will see them."  
"Awesome." Dean plucked two eggs from the carton and nestled them into the bush, well hidden out of view. "What about in the flower beds hanging out the window?"

"Bury them in the dirt!" said Castiel excitedly. Dean did as he said. Once the eggs were well hidden under the dirt by the window he turned back to Cas and asked where else he thought they could hide them. Castiel thought for a moment, looking around the yard.

"Is there a back porch? We could hide a few under the steps."  
"Yes! Awesome! They won't even think to look under there!"

They hurried to the back of the house were a wooden back porch led to a path in the yard. Cutting the grass with tan colored rocks. Dean squeezed himself under the hole in the porch, and then stuck out his arms for Castiel to hand him the eggs. Their fingers brushed against each other for a moment, and Castiels heart skipped a few beats.  
Once Dean was finished with sticking the eggs under the porch he squeezed himself back out. He stuck out his hand for Castiel to help him up. His fingers felt rough and warm around his hand for those few seconds they were held together.

Once Dean was back on his feet he brushed the dark brown dirt off his jeans, and beckoned for Castiel to follow him around to the other side of the house. They scattered a few eggs here or there in the grass before going back to the front of the house.

The driveway was empty.

Sam, Benny, and Balthazar were no where to be seen.  
The only evidence of their being there previously was the remains of yellow egg cartons and shattered shells broken on the pavement, yellow yoke oozing out of them.  
For a moment Castiels anxiety surfaced with the fears of Balthazar convincing Benny and Sam to ditch Castiel and Dean. Forcing Castiel to spend time alone with Dean, and Castiel wasn't sure if he could do that yet. He was afraid he would do something embarrassing again, and he needed the comfort of having his cousin with him to feel calm. The anxiety made him angry with Balthazar. Just for a moment.

Until Dean tapped his shoulder and pointed a finger at three figures down the street, running down the sidewalk away from the house. The figures looked like their missing persons.

"What are they running from?" Castiel mumbled.

This question was soon answered.  
A loud bark like, "Hey!" echoed in their ears, drawing their attention to the other side of the street, the side Balthazar, Benny, and Sam were running away from.  
Two new people that Castiel was not familiar with stood there, there faces full of rage. Dean must have known them though, because his eyes grew wide, and in the next moment his hand was latched onto Castiels and he was pulling him down the driveway and running in the direction the others had. But Balthazar, Benny, and Sam must had taken a turn that they didn't catch because the three had vanished.

All the while two other pairs of footsteps chased them. Castiel feared to look behind him, in case the two were catching up to them. He tried to ignore the burning prickles of awareness that Dean was holding his hand.

It was hard to keep up with Deans strides. He was much faster than Castiel, and Cas was stumbling over his own feet trying to keep up.

It sounded like the two chasing them were getting closer, and Castiel feared of going home beaten and bloody. He would have to tell his father what happened and Chuck would most likely tell him he wasn't allowed to hang out with Dean ever again. He lecture him about the prank, and he'd be grounded. All the while Lucifer and Gabriel would be snickering in the background, later congratulating him on how proud they were.

His grip subconsciously tightened around Deans hand when he started thinking these thoughts. When Dean felt the squeeze he turned to look over his shoulder at Castiel, giving a comforting squeeze back.

Time seemed to slow down in those few moments.

Everything felt slow from the time Dean turned to look at him to the time he pushed them out of harms way. While Castiel was busy worrying, Dean seemed to know exactly what he was planning on doing. He pulled them down a sharp turn and then ducked into an alley way. Where he pulled Castiel until they came to a fence.

"You're gonna have to climb up," Dean panted sharply, "and quick. Are you okay with that?"

"I'm fine."  
"Okay. Good."

Castiel pushed his foot into the fence and wrapped his fingers around the link. He heard Dean doing the same. They rattled the fence as they climbed. Dean was much faster than Castiel was. Castiel wondered if Dean had done this exact thing with Benny maybe a million times before. He probably knew exactly where to put his hands and feet at what time, and the cold texture of the chain was too familiar to him.

This was all brand new to Cas.

"C'mon, Cas," Dean said encouragingly, as though Cas was his younger brother, "I'll be at the bottom waitin' for yah!" Castiel then watched Dean climb to the top of the fence, placing both hands on the bar, and in one easy swing, his legs flew over the bar and sent him landing safely on the other side. Dean looked back up at Castiel who was still in the same spot, marveling at Dean. He grinned up at him and beckoned him to come over.

Castiel took a hard gulp before finally moving. He found himself sitting on the bar at the top of the fence, one leg on either side and his hands wrapped around the bar. Dean was calling up to him with words of comfort and encouragement. Castiel still felt unsure. The drop seemed a long way down, and he was having trouble figuring out how to get his other leg over.

"I'll catch you if you fall, Cas!" Dean said, "Don't worry! I'm right here, buddy! I'm right here!"

"I can do it." Castiel snapped at him. He didn't really like being treated as a baby. Just because he wasn't used to doing this kind of thing like Dean was didn't mean he wasn't capable of handling things on his own. "Just give me a second, I can do it."

With one drawn out shaky breath, Castiel hooked his foot into the fence and pressed up on the bar, swinging his other leg over the bar, and attempting to hook it into the wire also. This plan did not go as he intended it to. His other foot slipped, catching him off guard. With a gasp of surprise he let go of the bar and fell backwards. He braced himself for the impact of the hard ground below him, squeezing his eyes shut, and balling his fists up in his hair to protect his head.

But the impact never came.

Instead he felt himself being rescued by a pair of arms and hands pressed against his back and the part of his leg that was under his knee where thigh and calves met. He blinked open his eyes in surprise. First glancing at the ground below him, and then up to his savior.  
A bright toothed grin greeted him.

Castiel was perplexed. He didn't know what to say. He was awestruck. Dean had actually caught him. He had made it seem so easy, he must have just stuck out his arms and Castiel landed into them. He gazed up at Dean with wide blinking eyes and an open mouth until his brain snapped at him to say something.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean chuckled, making Castiels body rock back and forth against his chest. "Well, hey, Cas," he said, "hows it goin'?"

"Oh, you know...just hanging around." He twirled his tennis shoe in the air. Smirking. Dean laughed again, and set Castiel down.

"You okay?"  
"I'm fine...Thank you, Dean."  
"Hey, I told you I would catch you," He grinned, "I wouldn't let ya fall."

"Where are we anyway?" Castiel looked around them. They were in between two buildings with no windows but two green doors on either side of them. Boxes and trashcans lined the walls. Smells of warm food lingered in the air. It made Castiels stomach rumble, reminding him that the only thing he had eaten today was half of Gabriels Twix bar.

"In between Ellens, and an apartment building I think," answered Dean, "man, Alistair and Azazel sure can run fast can't they?"

"That's who was chasing us?" Castiel looked back to where Dean and him had ran from, "I was wondering..."

"Heh, yeah. I guess Alistair must had been out with Azazel and came back to find Zar, Sam, and Benny egging his house. Hope Sammys okay, he's never really done anything like this. But you, man, Cas, you're like a natural!"

"Really?" Castiel blushed, "I-I've never really...I've never really pranked someone before..."  
"Really? Geesh it's like you've been doin' it for years! You're real smart, Cas. Hell'ova lot smarter than I am that's for sure."

Castiel wasn't sure what to say. He simply smiled shyly down at his feet, toeing circles in the dirt with the tip of his shoe. "Thank you..." He mumbled, after having nothing else to say. Then he realized what Dean had said and looked back up at him, frowning slightly. His eyebrows furrowed, "But-Dean...you're smart too! Don't say that-"

"Shh!" Dean cut him off.  
"No really, Dean you-"  
"Shhh!" He hissed again, placing his hand over Castiels mouth and glaring down the alleyway they had just came from. Dull voices could be heard. They were drawing closer, and Dean pressed Castiel back up against the brick wall in the shade where it was darkest. Their chests were touching, and if Dean would only look towards Castiels face their noses would surely brush up against each other. It was cooler in the shade, but he was still feeling uncomfortably hot all over. Castiel was very close to Dean. He was so close he could see the freckles curving up towards the lobe of his ear. His heart pounded loudly. So much touching had gone on today, it was making him tremble.

Dean stared hard at the end of the alley, glaring at the street. Waiting for Alistair and Azazel to appear. But they didn't. After a few moments of nothing but hard breathing Dean turned back to face Castiel. Something flashed in his green eyes. Perhaps realization of how close they were. They didn't speak. Hot minty breath brushed against Castiels skin as he tried to look away from Deans gaze, but couldn't.

Word on the street is someones sweet on you.

Balthazars voice sung in his head.

Castiel thought that he would very much like to kiss Dean at the moment. It wouldn't be hard. Dean wasn't much taller than him or anything like that. All he would have to do was lean forward just a little bit and press his lips to Deans. If Dean was the one who was sweet on him, he would kiss back. Wouldn't he?

This little fantasy played in Castiels mind.  
He would kiss Dean. Dean would kiss him back. Castiels hand would curl around the nape of his neck, and Deans hands would wrap around his hips, pressing him harder against the brick wall. It would be wet, and hot, because both of them were still trying to catch their breath from running. Dean probably had kissed a lot of people, Castiel noted. He probably was a good kisser. He had experience. He could teach Castiel.

Castiel licked his lips while his eyes flickered down onto Deans for just a quick moment, "...Dean..." He breathed.

"C'mon, Cas," He said.

A split second was all it took. The heat, the fantasy, the smell of mint wafering on his face, was all gone. Dean pushed himself away from the wall and started walking towards the opening of the alley they had climbed into. Castiels heart fell like a weight in the ocean, watching Dean walk away from him like that. He followed him slowly, his feet suddenly feeling a lot like lead.

He shook his head, rattling his brain as though trying to shake out the part of him that let him think something like that about Dean. He was scaring himself. Dean was his friend. His friend. His friend.

They walked out into the sunny street. No sign of Alistair or Azazel, but also no sign of Balthazar, Benny, or Sam.

Castiels stomach rumbled again.

Dean turned to him at the sound of it and asked, "You hungry?"

"Well...yes." Castiel said, "I haven't really eaten today. But it's fine I'll eat something when I-"

"C'mon." Dean jerked his head to left and began walking in that direction, ignoring Castiel from the point after he had admitted to not eating anything that day.

Dean lead him into the building they had been in between while in the alley. Ellen's.   
When they walked inside it smelled like home, and comfort. It was retro, like they were back in the nineteen sixties. A jukebox was in the corner, and booths lined with red plush leather surrounded the place. A lady behind the counter saw Dean and waved. Dean waved back.

He then directed Castiel to a free booth, sitting across from him.

Castiels mouth felt dry, and he tried to distract himself by looking out the window. Doing whatever he could to not look at Dean.

He couldn't believe himself.

He wasn't supposed to think about kissing boys. He was Castiel. Why in the world would he ever think about doing such a thing like that? How absurd of him. Dean was his friend, and that was it. Why did Balthazar even tell him that Dean may like him in that sort of way? What would make him think that Castiel would even be interested in anything like that? He wasn't supposed to like boys like Dean, he wasn't supposed to think about kissing them in back alleys, he wasn't supposed to think they were cute, and he definitely shouldn't be thinking about feeling that warmth again.

Dean broke his train of thought by shoving a menu in his face.

Castiel scanned the black letters on the page before looking back up to Dean. "I didn't bring any money with me."

"It's fine," Dean waved his hand, "I've got it."

"Well-th-that's very generous of you, Dean, but-"  
"It's nothin', dude. Just pick somethin' off the menu."

Castiel didn't argue anymore and kept his eyes glued to the menu until a waitress showed up. She was thin, and blonde, and seemed around Sams age-maybe a little older. She was younger than a normal waitress should be.  
The tag on her uniform said Jo.

"Dean," Jo greeted, not smiling, "bring another one of one night stands here?" Her eyes flicked over to Castiel, who blushed.

"Ha, ha, very funny, Josephine," Dean snarked, "But this so happens to be my new friend Castiel. He's Balthazar's cousin. You know Balthazar."

"I'm familiar." She said.

"Cas, this is Jo. She's fourteen, but gets to work as a waitress 'cause her mom owns the place. So even though shes a sucky waitress, she gets to stay."

Jo swatted him on the head with her notepad.  
"You know," She hissed, "just 'cause your daddy and my mom are friends doesn't mean I still can't kick you outta here. Jus' tell me what you want to drink already."

Dean was smirking at her in a way an older brother would after teasing his sister. Castiel had seen that face many of times on Gabriel, Micheal, and Lucifer. Did Dean always treat people like his siblings, he wondered.

"I'll have a cola. Cas?"

"Just water, thank you."

With a sway of blonde curls brushing over her shoulder Jo had gone.

"She's in love with me." Dean said.

"Wh-what?"  
"Jo. She kinda likes me."  
"Really?" Castiel turned to look back at the waitress and then back to Dean, puzzled, "She seemed like she hated you. How can you tell?"

Dean chuckled, "She don't hate me. Trust me. I know these things."

"But I thought Balthazar said you could never tell when someone liked you?" Castiel blurted, speaking his thoughts again. He instantly regretted it when Deans gaze turned cold.

"When did he tell you that, Cas?" He asked slowly.  
"Well-uh...I..." Castiel rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Why was he so nervous? Why did he act this way only around Dean? He kept trying to tell himself that he was only behaving this way because he felt slightly intimidated by him.

Why shouldn't he? Dean was far cooler and troublesome than Castiel was. He was someone Castiel never approached before. He shouldn't even be here with Dean in the first place.

His mothers voice rang in his ear.  
He could picture her now. Standing there, stuffing laundry into the washing machine as he sat on the dryer, swinging his legs. The heels of his feet clanged nosily against the metal of the white machine. He was ten years old. Still gripping the last strings of the youth of childhood before entering into his adolescence.  
Her hair was up on top of her head, and messy curls fell down the nape of her neck. She was shaking her head down at the machine as she sorted through more clothes.

"Don't ever get friends like that, Cassie," She grumbled, "Don't ever get friends like Lucifers or Gabriels. You hear me? You find some nice friends. I want you to hang out with nice people. You got that?"

"Yes, mom." He bobbed his head.

"Promise me? Promise me you won't go off and hang around people who drink, or smoke, or anything like that."  
"I promise, mommy."

She turned to him. Her pink lips spreading into a beaming grin. Castiel couldn't help but smile back. She walked over and slung an arm around his back to pull him into a hug, smashing his face to give him a kiss. Castiel giggled and tried to push her away. "You're my good boy, Castiel." She said.

Now look what you've done. Castiel growled at himself. Still awkwardly rubbing his neck and trying to think of an excuse for Dean. Thinking was getting in the way of things again. You just broke you're own promise to you're mother. You've gone and found a hoodlum friend.

Dean wasn't supposed to be his friend. He was supposed to be Balthazars, Gabriels, or Lucifers friend. Not his. Castiel was supposed to be the good church going boy. He wasn't supposed to be the one pulling pranks, running away from angry rivals, jumping fences, and thinking about kissing boys. What was wrong with him?

He was saved for a moment when Jo arrived back with the drinks, and asked if they'd like to order. Dean ordered a hamburger and fries. Castiel ordered the same. She scribbled on her notepad in big swirly black letters before turning on her heel to head back behind the counter.

Then again... Castiel began to think, I don't know if Dean has actually done anything bad as far as pranking? I don't know if he's ever smoked, or drank, or anything like that...so I'm not actually breaking a promise am I?

His curiosity got the better of him.

"Have you ever consumed alcohol before?"

"What?"

Dean stared up at him with surprised round eyes. His eyelashes showed a hint of golden blonde in the sun.

Castiel repeated his question.

"Um...yeah. Actually...I have a few times...why?"

Castiels heart started pumping again. Not from guilt of breaking a promise, but with excitement. He had never touched a drop of alcohol before in his life, but he would very much like to know what it was like to drink some. Would Dean be willing to share? How often does Dean drink? Is it only on special occasions? At parties?

He leaned forward slightly on his elbows across the table, blue eyes sparking with wonder.  
"What else have you done?"

Dean smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his sandy hair. It fell back into place perfectly. "Look-uh, Cas...Why are you asking this? Balthazar said you were a good kid an' all I-I don't wanna get you...you know screwed up..."

"I'm just curious..." He sat back, feeling like a balloon loosing all its air. He twiddled with the paper of his straw before ripping it off and plopping the red plastic into the ice and water, "I've never done anything exciting before. I just want to hear what it's like."

"Haven't your brothers ever told you?"  
"Do you tell yours?"

Dean didn't respond, answering Castiels question. Satisfied, Castiel gave a sort of snort/huff of acknowledgement that his thought was proven correct.

He jammed his chin into the ankle of his wrist, his eyes wondering back to the street outside.

Dean changed the subject.

"So, Cas, you gotta girl back home?"  
"No."  
"Why not?"  
He shrugged, "Girls aren't interested in me I guess."  
"Oh...boyfriend?"

Castiel laughed awkwardly, turning back to face Dean. "Nope. I went to Church school...remember? They sort of frown upon that stuff."  
"Ah."

"What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"  
"Used to. Name was Lisa. We broke up though."  
Castiels heart sank a tiny bit at the mention of Dean being in a relationship with a girl. But it still managed to hang on by clutching onto the thread of hope that he was no longer together with this Lisa. "I'm sorry." Castiel told him, swirling his straw around in the glass. There he went; feeling this odd feeling again. What was it about Dean that made him think like this?

"Ah, don't be. It's all behind me now. I'm over it. I went out with this guy-."  
"Wait," Castiel sputtered, choking slightly on his drink, "you like boys and girls?"

Dean looked at him quizzically before bursting out in laughter, "What? You Illinois folk never heard of bisexuals before? Gee, that's rich!"

Castiel tilted his head to the side in thought. He didn't really know it was possible to like boys and girls. Did he like boys and girls too? The longer he thought about it, the longer he realized he had never really been attracted to girls before. He had had Meg as a friend, but that was all she was. A friend. He never thought of pursing her in a relationship or anything like that. He realized that he would sometimes find himself staring too long at Micheals or Lucifers football friends, that he had never really felt an attraction like this one to anyone else other than Dean. Dean. Who was a guy. A very, very, attractive guy-but wait-how could he think Dean was attractive? He was supposed to think girls were attractive. He was supposed to, supposed to, supposed to...If he was supposed to, then why was he feeling like this towards Dean? It was all too much to think about at once and it was making Castiels head hurt.  
The longer he thought, the more he realized; he was homosexual.  
His heart hammered in his chest at the realization.

It all makes sense now...

It was like he felt those missing pieces of himself he never knew were missing all came together to make him whole. I'm gay? He thought, I'm...I'm gay aren't I? Jesus Christ in Heaven...

"Well..." Castiel played with his napkin in his hand, wrinkling it to tatters. He noticed his hand was shaking slightly, "I-I just never heard of it before...I went to a private church school when I was younger...I'm quite ignorant to...well...everything."

"I am so sorry." Dean teased, smirking, "It must had sucked goin' there."

"Yeah...yeah it really, really did."

They laughed together.

"You know, Cas, I don't know what the hell Balthazar was on when he told me you were a quiet one. You're a pretty social kid."

"Heh..." Castiel rolled his shoulder, shyly, "I-I dunno...I'm just...comfortable around you I guess. You make me talk."

"Well, aren't I special!" Dean grinned as Jo returned with their food. Placing two red baskets filled with tissue wrapper and greasy food.

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Jo hissed, commenting on Deans last exclamation.

Dean frowned at her, "You wish. Cas was just tellin' me how I'm the only one who he feels comfortable around enough to talk. Right, Cas?"

"Yes."

"See. The little dork loves me."

Jo rolled her eyes. "There must be somethin' wrong with the water supply in Illinois then."

"You're just jealous."  
"Of you? Please. Dean, don't make me gag."  
"No, of Cas. You're jealous 'cause I like 'im more than you."

"Ergh," Jo stuck out her tongue, "don't be disgusting, Winchester. I couldn't give two craps about who you talk to. Eat your burger, and get out of here before I make Ash toss you out."

"Yeah, right," Dean called after her, "Ash wouldn't throw me out! He's my World of War Craft buddy!"

"Right on!" Came a voice from the doorway that Castiel couldn't see inside of. He suspected this voice to belong to Ash.

Dean was laughing when he turned back to Castiel, "Anyway, dude, what's up with the no talking thing anyway? You just shy or what?" Dean shoved the burger into his mouth. He had no idea how much his words stabbed into Castiels heart.

Castiel couldn't be mad at him. Dean was without a doubt ignorant to everything that had taken place over the past few months. His question was innocent.  
Still, memories flooded into Castiels mind that he had tried to wash out into blackness.

It was only a few weeks after their mother left. Gabriel was pacing back and forth in Castiels bedroom, as his brother sat on his bed and watched him. Gabriel was babbling about how he was sick of everyone fighting.

"Whats the point of fighting anyway? I don't get it. Micheal and Lucifer practically tear each others heads off every time we sit down for dinner. It never solves anything! What's the point of bickering? Fighting is so idiotic, Castiel. No wonder mom left. Her and Dad were always fighting. I saw her throwing stuff at the wall once. I don't get it. I really don't. Mom always said she was in love. Is that what being in love is like, Castiel? You fight all the time? Because...If that's what love is like I don't think I want to be in love. I'm just going to live all by myself. Thats it; I'll become a hermit when I'm older. No." He paused for a moment. His eyes fixated on the teal paint that coated Castiels walls. He then turned, and walked towards Castiels open window. He pressed his wrists against the windowsill, tilting over it to peer outside. His belly squished against the edge. "I think I'll just leave right now. That's what I'll do, Castiel. I'll run away. I'll just run away from this family. I'll run, and run until I don't even know where I am anymore. None of you guys will be able to find me. I'll just run away, and then I won't have to deal with all this fighting. I won't have to live in a half empty house anymore, I can just live on my own. Yeah...that's what I'll do. Sounds nice doesn't it? Just living in silence...Do you ever wonder...Do you ever wonder that if you leave you'll be missed? That if you were to just completely disappear if someone would look for you? Do you think mom would come back if I disappeared? Do you think she'd look for me?"

His body was now slowly tipping farther forward. His feet sitting on his tiptoes, his fingers wrapped around the outside of the windowsill as his hair dangled down towards the earth. His stomach flat against the sill. When he spoke again his voice was more of a whisper.

"Do you think...Castiel? You think she even misses me now?"

The brothers sat in silence for a moment.

"They'll send you away if you keep talking like that." Castiel minded him.

Gabriel pushed himself back up from the window, both feet now firmly planted on the floor. His palms still holding his weight on the windowsill, his fingers drumming against it. "Where do you think they'll send you if you don't start talking?" He asked.

"I'm just..." Castiel looked at the french fry he had picked up from the basket, but didn't have any intention on eating it, "I'm just shy...yeah."

"Something wrong?" Dean asked thickly, chewing slowly.

"No." He lied.

"...Does it have something to do with your mom?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." Castiel snapped quickly, glaring daggers into Deans skull with his piercing blue gaze.

Dean held up his hands in defense, "Hey, buddy, it's fine. You don't have to talk about it. I was just askin'. Balthazar didn't tell me much. I-I shouldn't intrude on your life like that anyway. I've only known ya for two days."

Castiel stared down at his basket, picking at the still warm sesame seed bun. He suddenly lost his appetite. "It's fine." He lied. His voice felt hallow, and cold. Like it wasn't even his voice.

"Let's talk about somethin' else," Dean offered with a understanding smile, "I'll-uh...I'll answer those 'alcohol consumption' questions now if you want me to, if it'll make you forgive me. Heh." He ran his hand nervously through his hair. Castiel noted that this seemed to be a habit of his that he had developed over quite some time, because his hair was now trained so well to stick upwards.

"Okay." Said Cas in that hallow voice again, "What have you drank before?"

"Mostly anything from my dads liquor cabinet," He answered, "Benny and I have only tried scotch, and schnapps so far."

"How old were you when you had your first drink?"

"Thirteen. My dad let me have a sip of his beer once. Don't look at me like I'm an alcoholic now. I didn't drink again until I was sixteen, and Charlie brought over some of her grandparents wine. We got caught when Charlie went home and practically puked her liver out. Now that I've moved out here I drink with Benny on special occasions. I don't drink a lot. Not like my dad."

"Why do you drink?"

Dean laughed in the middle of taking a sip of his soda. He sat back up and wiped his smiling mouth, "Why? You wanna know why?"

Castiel frowned and nodded.

"Well uh...it just...it makes me feel happy."  
"You're not happy, Dean?"

Deans smile vanished as he glared down at his half eaten burger, adverting his gaze away from Castiels puppy-dog look. He tapped his fork against the table absent mindedly until he finally thought of something to say. "Ask me somethin' else," he said, "what else did you ask? What other stuff have I done? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like," Castiel thought for a moment, "like pot. Have you ever smoked weed?"

Dean rolled his shoulder, and made a face like he was pretending for it to not be a big deal (but he sort of was also pretending it was the coolest thing ever) "Once or twice, yeah."

"Really?" Castiel gasped, "I've never met someone who smoked pot before." It made Dean laugh. Castiel wasn't phased by it and continued with his questions, "What is it like to be high? How old where you? How old are you anyway? Have you smoked it a lot? Recently? Does Sam know? Does Balthazar smoke pot? I don't think he would. Does Balthazar drink? Where do you even get pot? Does it smell funny? Have you had sex-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas!" Deans eyebrows were raised so far up his forehead they looked like they were about to fly off, "one question at a time, geez. I'm seventeen by the way. I'll be a senior next year. You?"

"Sixteen. Going on Seventeen. I have a late birthday."

"Anyway...Being high...man all it ever does is give me the munchies, and make me laugh at Bennys fart noises he makes with his arm. It's nothin' special really. I've only smoked it like three times. The first time I took a hit was this year and I don't even remember anything from it. I haven't smoked it recently, no. We get it from this guy named Andy at school. I dunno where the hell he gets it from, grows it probably. Sammy has no idea and I plan to keep it that way. You know when you pass a dead skunk on the side of the road, and its stink sprays everywhere when ya kill it? Thats what it smells like. As far as I know, your cousin hasn't gone anywhere near the devils lettuce, but as for drinking...he really likes fine wine. And for the sex thing..." Deans ears turned magenta as he tried his best not to blush, or look at Castiel across the table-who seemed to get his appetite back, and was practically inhaling his hamburger. "I-I've done it before, yeah."

"With a guy or a girl?" Castiel seemed as though his question was as innocent as asking the sex of a unborn baby. His eyes were still wide with curiosity, chewing with one side of his mouth so he could talk.

He reminded Dean of a church mouse. Innocent. Quiet.

"Both." Said Dean, "I'm experienced in both regions. Why are you askin' me all these questions anyway?"

Castiel set down his burger and wiped away the ketchup that had smeared across his mouth with the white napkin next to him. Once it was crumpled back on the table he took a french fry and twirled it in the air like a wand. He studied the gains of salt speckled on it. The slightly crispy burnt ends.

"You're quite interesting, Dean Winchester." He said to the french fry.

"Am I?"  
"Yes. I've never met someone like you."

"You sure about that?" Dean laughed, "I'm really nothin' special."

"On the contrary," Castiels eyes flicked away from the fry and he smiled at Dean, "I think you are quite extraordinary."

Dean leaned across the table, close to Castiels face. A grin was painted across the freckled and tan skin. "You know, Cas...If I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me."

Castiel laughed, resting his chin on top of his hands, "Would it be bad if I was?"

"Well, yes. Considering you're a Bible-hugging-Jesus-school-boy."  
"That's in Illinois."

Dean sat back, his eyes suddenly wide with shock, and his ears were beating scarlet, "Cas..." He stammered, "Cas what are you saying right now?"

Deans reaction scared Castiel.

Was he not sweet on him? Was Balthazar merely teasing Castiel? Or was Dean just acting flustered because he hadn't expected Castiel to like him too? Balthazar did say that Dean couldn't tell when someone liked him. But he told Castiel that Jo was in love with him, when all Castiel saw was annoyance from the girl. Did this mean that Dean didn't actually like Castiel, and was flabbergasted to find this fact out. This was all too confusing, he was over thinking again, and the bubbles of anxiety were swelling to the size of water balloons in his stomach. Castiel wanted to throw up. He wished he hadn't said anything. He wished he would have just stayed home with Gabriel. He wished he had never gone out into the woods with his brother in the first place. Never meeting Dean. Never feeling this swirl of confusion, embarrassment, or anxiety. He wished-

"There you are!" A British voice twittered.

Castiel spun around in the booth to see Balthazar, Sam, and Benny, coming into the restaurant. He sighed with relief. Saved by cousin Balthazar yet again.

The three sat down at the booth. Balthazar and Sam squishing next to Castiel, and Benny next to Dean. When Benny sat down he scooped up a handful of Deans fries and stuffed them into his mouth. Balthazar had his arm wrapped around his cousin, and was looking back and forth between him, and Dean. He probably saw the redness of Deans ears, and the fidgety hands of Castiels fingers in his lap.

So he asked, "Whats up with you two boys?"

"Nothin'." Said Dean, looking out the window.  
"You two get away from Alistair and Azazel okay?"  
"Yeah."

Balthazar turned to his cousin, "You got anything to add to that, Cassie?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder.

"How interesting." grumbled Balthazar, taking a slurp of Castiels water.

"Did you see me run, Dean?" Sam asked cheerfully, "Wow! I've never been more excited in my life!"

"He's a real track star, Deano," nodded Benny, his cheeks full of fries, "ran as fast as those skinny legs could carry him."

"Did ya?" Dean smiled into the palm that was holding his face. His elbow propped against the table.

"Yeah! I saw Alistair and Azazel coming and I just-" he skidded his two palms together, letting a loud crack cut through the air, "Balthazar and Benny were yelling at me to wait up, but I was so scared. Wow. It was great. Can I come on another prank with you guys next time?"

"You got yourself an adrenaline junkie now, Deanie." Balthazar teased.

"We'll see, Sammy." Dean chuckled.

The four of them talked like this for a while. Castiel listened.  
They talked about Sams future in sports, and how Sam wanted to try out for soccer once he got into high school the up coming school year. They talked about how they had gone searching around town for Castiel and Dean, how they had run back to the house, to Bennys, and then back up town. Benny had spotted them through the window.

"You two looked real goofy," he snarked, "Like you was flirtin' up a storm or somethin'. Dean, you tryin' to get into this angels panties, brother?"

Castiel blushed, melting into the leather seat.

"Shut up, Benny." Dean growled, nudging him hard in the shoulder.  
"Hey, I kid, I kid!"

Sam made a face, "Dean and Cas?" he then giggled a little, "that is kinda goofy."

"Whats so goofy about it?" Asked Balthazar. Castiel thought he sensed a insulted tone in his voice.  
"I dunno. They're both pretty goofy. Castiels funny. Deans funny lookin'. They'd be goofy together if they were boyfriends." He giggled again into his hand, "Yeah. They'd be pretty funny together."

Castiel glanced up across the table to see that Dean was already looking at him. He was smoothing his thumb back and forth over his plastic coca-cola cup that was dripping with residue. He twitched a smirk when they met eyes. Castiel smirked back.

"Yeah," agreed Dean, "That would be pretty goofy. Wouldn't it?"

"Pretty goofy." Nodded Castiel.


	4. The Winchester Walks at Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel recognized this emotion. He went through it for a month or two after his mother left them. For a month straight Castiel trembled with anxiety and cried into his pillow at night. His father was a mess and Castiel feared for him. He knelled next to his bed and prayed and prayed and prayed for his mother to return. He prayed for his father to be well. But no matter how hard he prayed his mothers bags didn't return on the porch steps like they so often would in his dreams. He was afraid his family was going to be torn apart right down the middle.

Castiel went home that night feeling at peace with the world. Dean had offered to walk him home, but Castiel denied it. He didn't want Sam to walk all the way home by himself. No matter how independent he claimed to be. Balthazar walked with him instead.

The whole way home Balthazar attempted to pester the 'good stuff' out of Castiel. He wanted to know exactly what happened between him and Dean, but Castiel always answered with "Nothing happened." which was only partly true.  
But Balthazar persisted. He said something about how Cas better not have kissed Dean, or else he just might ship him back to Illinois. Castiel just laughed.

When he arrived home he waved goodbye to Balthazar and hopped up the porch air felt different now. Cleaner maybe. The atmosphere, and the universe just felt so right. Like everything made sense now.

Castiel twisted the doorknob on the door and stepped inside to find his family all spinning around to look at him.

"There he is!" Samandriel pointed, practically bouncing on his heels. "There he is! There he is!"

"Castiel!" Chuck gasped, running towards him and pulling him into a bone crushing hug, "Oh, Castiel, thank God!"

"I told you he was fine!" Gabriel shouted from the back of the room, "I told you."

"Shut up, Gabe." snapped Lucifer.

"Castiel, you idiot! Why didn't you take your phone!" Micheal shouted over his brothers, "We were worried sick about you!"

"We didn't know where you were for four hours!" said Lucifer.

"Don't scare us like that ever again!" said Anna.

"I-" Castiel stammered, his eyes wheeling around the room from his brothers and sisters faces. "I...I'm sorry. I was out with Balthazar. I told Gabriel where I was going before I left...Am I in trouble, Dad?"

Chuck pushed Castiel away so he could look at his face. Castiels gut twisted slightly when he saw his fathers face. It was pale, and his eyes looked red. He felt so selfish, and guilty for making his family go through this. Though he had told Gabriel where he was going, Micheal was right he should have brought his phone along with him. He was just so used to not using his cellphone at all that he left it in his room out of habit. He was always with his family, and he didn't have any friends, why would he need it?

"No, you're not in trouble, Castiel." Chuck sighed, smiling tirelessly.

"Why were you all so worried about me?" Castiel asked the room, "Gabriel told you I was out with Balthazar."

"No he didn't. You didn't tell him who you were with." Hissed Micheal. "You also didn't mention you were going to be out for four hours."

"Oh...I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize how late it was...I'm really sorry, Dad."

"I know you are," Chuck combed his fingers through his sons dark hair, "it's all right, Castiel. I don't want to discourage you to go out and play with your new friends, but next time bring your phone so we can get a hold of you. All right?"

Castiel nodded, and promised, "I will."

"Good. Are you hungry, sprout?"  
"No. Dean took me out to lunch."  
"Who's Dean?"  
"You know, you met him yesterday. He's Balthazars friend. He took me out to lunch."  
"Oh," Chuck raised his eyebrows, "how nice of him. Did you have fun?"

"Yes," Castiel couldn't help but smile, "I'm making lots of new friends here, Dad."

"I'm glad."  
"May I go up to my room now? I think I got sunburned, and I'm quite tired from all that walking around we did."  
"Sure, you can."

Castiel quickly scampered up to his bedroom, the voices of his siblings followed him.

"He was hanging out with Dean Winchester?" Anna scoffed under her breath.  
"Whats wrong with him?" Asked Chuck, "is that someone he shouldn't be hanging out with?"

"I dunno, Dad," Micheal added, "Raphael said that that kid gets in a lot of trouble. He's not someone I could picture Castiel being friends with."

"Yeah," said Lucifer, "Raph said that last year the kids dad left him at a school for boys for about two months. He was caught stealing, and when they called his dad to come pick him up his dad told them to just keep him. Kids got some problems. More than we do."

Castiel was listening with his ear pressed to the door, frowning. They weren't being fair. Dean wasn't here to justify himself. Maybe Raphael was just spreading rumors that he had heard around school without any kind of actual proof for it. How dare they talk about his new friend. They didn't know anything about Dean. Lucifer and Gabriel had bad friends too. What was so different about his own?

"I dunno," said Chuck, "I don't think it seems like its a problem. Dean seems like a good kid so far. He's nice to Castiel, and he's his friend. If he gets Castiel into doing bad things then it'll be a problem, but right now let's just let them be friends. He doesn't have many friends, and it's good for him to go out finally. He's sixteen he should be out with his friends during summer."

"What about me?" Anna whined, "I'm stuck here with you guys! I wanted to go to South Carolina with my friends!"

"That's different. Make some friends here, and you can hang out with them."  
Anna just made an annoyed grunty noise.

So, Castiel wasn't allowed to do 'bad things' with Dean? If his father found out that Cas was smoking, or drinking, or even pranking with Dean then he wouldn't be allowed to hang out with him? How...intoxicating.  
Now Castiel knew what he had to do. He was going to have to be sneaky. He was going to be able to do all of these things with Dean.  
He just wasn't going to get caught.

He smiled to himself.

X

The next morning he woke to Samandriel jumping on his bed.

"Wake up, Castiel! Wake up, and get ready! Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joshua are going to be here soon!"

"Get off me, Samandriel," Castiel groaned, swatting at his little brothers legs, "let me sleep for five more minutes..."

Samandriel then plopped down onto his stomach across Castiels back, moving some pieces of unruly black hair to whisper in his ear, "Balthazar said he'd bring Sam and De-ean." He said as though it were a bribe. As though knew Castiels feelings for Dean were way more than just platonic. But of course he didn't. He just knew Dean was Castiels friend, and that if Castiel were to get out of bed for anyone it was going to be for his friends.

His suspicions were proven correct when his brothers blue eyes popped open, and he turned to look over his shoulder at Samandriel. "Is he really bringing them?"

Samandriel nodded. "I talked to him on Daddys phone. He told me to tell you."

Castiel flashed a grin, and pushed Samandriel off him to hop out of bed. "What time are they getting here?" He asked, throwing on some clothes he pulled out of his suitcase.

"I dunno," Said Samandriel, holding himself up with his hands on Castiels bed, "they just said soon. They don't live very far."

Castiel practically ignored his brother. Dean could be getting here any minute now, and he needed to make himself look presentable. He ran into the bathroom door with his shoulder to open it, but ended up bouncing off of it because it had been locked. He pounded on the door with his fist, "Hurry up!"

"I just got in here!" Gabriel shouted back, "Come back later, squirt!"  
"Are you doing your hair?"  
"So what if I am?"  
"That's going to take hours!"  
"Hey! If you have a problem with my personal grooming techniques, you can just use the bathroom downstairs, Colombo!"

Without a retort to Gabriel, Castiel hurried downstairs to the second bathroom. It was also locked. He pounded on the door. Lucifer stepped out of it on the second knock, "You're not gonna want to go in there for a while, kid." He warned.

Castiel rolled his eyes and groaned, running upstairs to pester Gabriel some more. "Lucifer just came out of that one!"

Gabriel laughed behind the door.

"It's not funny,Gabe! I have to get ready too!"  
"Hey, it's not my fault that you're such a fricken night owl. You want the bathroom to yourself, you gotta get up early! C'mon, Castiel, we've lived together for sixteen years you shoulda learned this by now!"  
"Please, Gabriel? I'll just be two minutes I swear."  
"Why do you need to use the bathroom so bad? You never brush your hair anyway! Why bother?"  
"C'mon, Gabriel, just let me in. I need to brush my teeth."  
"Oh! Well in that case-no."  
"Gabriel!"

Two loud knocks sounded from downstairs. Castiels heart jumped at the same beat.  
He could hear his father shuffling to the front of the house to open the door. Aunt Rachel's voice sang through the house like a happy canary.

"Gabriel c'mon! They're already here!" He hissed.

"Balthazar?" Gabriel poked his head out of the door and listened for the familiar English accent tinkling through the air. He then darted out of the bathroom, and down the staircase. Finally the bathroom was free. Castiel hurried inside and combed his hair. His hair always refused to stay flat, but the least he could do was make it look a bit presentable. He then ran the cold water under the facet and brushed his teeth.

His heart twitched a little in his chest when he heard the already familiar gruff voice of Dean asking, "Where's, Cas?"

"I sent Samandriel to wake him," explained Chuck, "he's probably getting ready. He'll be down in a few."

Castiel spit and clinked his toothbrush back into the holder, washing off his face with a washcloth, and then hurrying downstairs.  
Sam saw him first.

"Hi, Cas!" He greeted.

"Hello, Sam. How's Bones?"  
"He's good. I haven't introduced him to Dad yet, 'cause he hasn't been home. But he's good. Dean let me feed him some of the sausages he made this morning for breakfast."  
"How kind of him."

"Hey-ya, Cas," Dean smiled.  
"Hello, Dean."

Dean was about to make his way over to Castiel and say something, but was interrupted by three blonde haired tricksters. Lucifer, Gabriel, and Balthazar all surrounded Castiel in the beat of a second. "Is this your new friend, Cassie?" Lucifer asked, placing his elbow on top of his hair, messing up what Castiel had worked so hard on to look tidy, "the one who bought you lunch?"

"Yes." Said Castiel in a small voice.

"Ahhh," Said Lucifer and Gabriel together.

Sensing trouble yet again, Balthazar swooped in to Castiels aid. Though he was still holding the air of a trickster. He took Castiel by the shoulders and out of Lucifers grasp, sticking him next to Deans side. He then sat back with his hand cupping his chin as though they were a painting in a museum and he was trying to decipher it.  
"Adorable aren't they?" He cooed, "cuter than any of your friends, Luce."

Lucifer grumbled. "Aw, shut it, Balthazar."  
"Only joking. Geesh. I had no idea you were so touchy touchy when it came to your friends. Would it make you forgive me if I said they were cute? 'cause that boy Crowley was quite a charmer."  
"Cut it out, Balthazar. I'm not a homo."

Balthazar reached up and pinched Lucifers cheek hard, grinning tightly, "Awwww," he said sarcastically, "what a shame. You're such a catch, too."

Lucifer swatted him away, his eyes suddenly ablaze. His temper was ticking, and Castiel knew this as a sign of getting away as soon as possible.

He shifted closer to Dean.

He met Gabriels gaze across from him. They both had the same expression on their faces. They had lived long enough to know the exact outcome of something like this. Once Lucifer was angry it was difficult to calm him down. They didn't want him to blow up in front of guests.

Gabriels brown eyes flashed as he looked from one brother to the other. As though waiting for one of them to speak. Castiel wasn't going to be the one to step up that was for sure.

It wasn't until Samandriel bounded forward that the tension in the air was finally broken. The eight year old trotted over and instantly swarmed to Dean like a magnet to metal. It was almost like no one else in the room was around.

He tugged on Deans shirt. "You wanna come play with me?" He asked, "I have monopoly, and Hungry, Hungry, Hippos."

"Well,uh," Dean glanced quickly over to Castiel, then back to Samandriel as the younger one added,  
"If you don't like those games I'm sure we have more!"  
"Well, of course I'll play with you, Samandriel. Heh. But, is it all right for Sam, and Cas to come too?"

"Sure!" Samandriel beamed, "Of course they can! Balthy can come too if he wants. Wanna play Balthazar?"

"Meh," He shrugged, "Why not?"

"Come on!" Samandriel pulled on Deans arm, dragging him up the stairs to the bedroom where Cas and his brothers slept. Castiel, Sam, and Balthazar followed the two. The tension between Lucifer and Balthazar fading away with each step up the stairs.

Castiel heard Gabriel mumble something to their brother about playing video games with Raphael.

As soon as they arrived to the bedroom Samandriel let Dean free of his grasp and stood on top of his bed to reach up to the cabinet that held all their dusty board games that had been bought too many summers ago to remember. He first pulled out Monopoly, and let it fall onto his bed. Then out came Hungry, Hungry, Hippos, and Mouse Trap, and also Twister.

"What do you wanna play first?" Samandriel asked.

"How about Twister?" Balthazar bent down to pick up the box, and then held it up to present to the room. He gave a suggestive glance towards Castiel, "Remember when we would play this? It was always your favorite game, Cassie."

Castiel frowned at his cousin, unsure of what exactly he was playing at. "I remember."

"Yeah, lets play Twister!" Samandriel bounced off the bed and snatched the white box from Balthazars grasp. He began to open the contents onto the floor before anyone else could supply their insight on the matter. He set the spinning board aside, and brought out the white tarp. Sam helped him with getting it spread out onto the carpet. Balthazar, Dean, and Castiel moved some things around so they could have room to play. Once it was all set up, Samandriel hopped to his feet and went to swipe the spinning board. He waved it around in the air. "Who wants to be the spinner?"

"I will!" Balthazar volunteered imminently. He took the board from Samandriel and sat down on Gabriels bed, criss crossing his legs. "Shall we go youngest to oldest, or oldest to youngest?" He asked.

"Youngest!" Samandriel exclaimed.

"Righto." Balthazar clicked his tongue, flicking the black arrow with his forefinger and his thumb so it spun wildly around the wheel,"Samandriel, you have right foot red."

Samandriel giggled, stomping his foot down on the red circle.

"Right foot, Sammy." Castiel whispered.  
"Oh!" Samandriel switched his feet.

"Sam, you have right hand green...Castiel left foot blue...Dean left foot red ."

Dean stood behind Castiel. Balthazar called for Cas to have right hand yellow, so he bent down to press his right hand on the yellow circle. Dean had right foot red. Castiel had left hand yellow. Dean was now looking down at Castiels ass; only an airspace away from his crotch. Castiel was slightly oblivious to this until he heard Balthazar say, "Anything wrong, Dean?"

Castiel tried to peer over his shoulder at his friend above him. His face seemed to be twisted in a glare at Balthazar and his ears were turning slightly pink.

Samandriel and Sam turned to look up at Dean with innocent, confused expressions as to why Dean may be upset.

"Nothings wrong." Dean said.

"Lets carry on then," Balthazar grinned wickedly in a way that Castiel felt like he was up to something he shouldn't be. "Sam, left foot green. Castiel, left foot blue. Dean right hand blue."

"Aw, c'mon, Zar!" Dean shouted, "you're doing this on purpose!"  
"Doing what on purpose?"  
"You're tryin' to-" He then cut himself off, looking down at Samandriels face, "Nothin'...never mind. What hand was it."  
"Right."

Dean slowly lowered himself down so his right hand was pressing against the blue circle. Castiel could feel his body trying to hover over his own.

"Uh-uh, Deanie," Balthazar tisked, "you can't just brush it with your fingertips now."  
"Yeah, thats cheating!" Said Sam.

Dean grumbled a curse and pressed all his weight down onto the blue circle, his body pressing against Castiels. His cheek was against Castiels thigh, his hips against his rear. Castiel was blushing like crazy.

Samandriel knocked Sam out when it was his turn, so now it was only Dean and Castiel left. It was Castiels turn again. He had left hand green.

The reason this was Castiels favorite game was because he was good at it. He was very flexible, and he had played this game so many times he knew all the right moves to win. He brought his left hand over to green, but flipped himself over as though he were doing a crab walk. His right hand still on yellow, and his feet still on blue. Dean was looming over him. He blushed again.

"Dean, left hand blue."  
"Course it is." He grumbled, placing his other hand on the other side of Castiels waist.  
"Castiel, left hand green."  
Castiels left hand went to green.  
"Dean, right hand green."  
Deans right hand went to green. He was now very close to Castiel. They were inches away from pressing against each other, only the weight that Dean was putting into his hands was separating them. Castiels tongue subconsciously licked at his lips, and Dean fell. He fell right in between Castiels legs, and something brushed against Cas' thigh that surprised him so much he yelped, and Dean kneed him in the crotch.

Castiel doubled over in pain on the white tarp, muttering a curse.

"Ooo, low blow, Deano." Winced Balthazar.  
"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Don't cry, Castiel," Samandriel rushed forward to his brothers aid, crouching down to his face, "don't cry okay? I'll go get Daddy. Gabriel got Daddy for me when I landed like that on the monkey bars. But you don't gotta cry 'cause you're bigger than me. I'll be right back." He scampered out of the room, shouting for their father as he ran down the hall and down the steps.

"Oh, Jesus, Cas, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry!" Dean said. Castiel just withered on the floor, trying to catch his breath.

"S'okay," he gasped, cupping the crotch of his jeans with his hands, "it was an accident."

"Nice going, Dean," snarked Sam in a teasing manner, "why do you gotta be such a sore loser?"

"I didn't do it 'cause I lost! He scared me when he yelped, so I tried to move outta the way and-and-God I'm really sorry, Cas."

"S'okay, Dean," Castiel said again, his stomach clenching from the pain, "really. It's fine. I'll be okay."

"See, Daddy, see!" Samandriel came running back inside the room, pulling his fathers hand behind him, and pointing at his brother on the floor, "Castiel hurt his privates."

Balthazar snickered, and Sam elbowed him in the ribs.

Chuck sat on his knees next to his son, placing both hands on his shoulders, and speaking softly, "Castiel, are you all right?"

Castiel nodded.  
"Can you get up for me?"  
"I-I think so..."

Shakenly, Castiel got to his feet, still slightly doubled over from the pain. Chuck took him to the bathroom. Samandriel followed. Chuck had Castiel sit on the toilet seat while he ran downstairs to get a bag of frozen peas. Samandriel peered over from the doorway.

"Are you okay, Castiel?" he asked.  
"Yes, I think I'm better now. It doesn't hurt as much anymore."

"Good. It hurt really bad when I fell on the monkey bars. I thought I was gonna die! Gabriel told me I wouldn't though. Then after Daddy made me better Gabriel took me out for ice cream. Maybe he'll take you out for ice cream too!"

Castiel couldn't help but smile, "Maybe."

They were quiet for a moment. Samandriel picked at the peeling white paint on the door frame with his fingernail, and Castiel leaned back against the toilet, the top of his head grazing the wall behind him.

"Castiel," said Samandriel in a small voice, "how come we don't play anymore?"

"What do you mean? We play all the time. I just played with you in our bedroom."  
"No. We don't play like we used to play."

Castiel rolled his shoulder. "We're just older now I guess. When you get older you stop playing things you used to play little by little. It's sad, yes, but it happens. Everyone stops playing eventually."

Samandriel shook his head again, blue eyes fixated on the chip of white paint still clinging onto the door frame.

"What do you think it is then?"  
"I think it's 'cause you miss mama."

Castiel's mind went blank.

"See..." Samandriel finally looked away from the paint and to his white faced brother, "you always go quiet when we talk about her. You used ta always come in my room, and talk with me, and play with me! Now you never have time for me. Ever since mom left you never play with me." His eyes went watery, and he started sniffing, "Is it 'cause-cause I made her leave?"

"Samandriel, no, no!" Castiel outstretched his hands towards his little brother, "why would you ever think that? Why would you ever think that it was your fault?"

"Dunno..." He wiped his face quickly, turning away from the open arms, "I just thought..."

"Samandriel. Don't ever think like that ever again. Okay?"  
"Kay."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...I'm gonna go get Balthazar, and Sam, and Dean."

Without another word, he took off.

The rest of the night was quite uneventful to say at the least. Dean continued apologizing, and Castiel kept telling him it was fine. Samandriel acted quite distant. He played Mouse Trap with Sam until it was time to eat. Balthazar went off to wreck havoc with Lucifer and Gabriel, and Castiel was left with an awkward Dean who kept asking if he was sure he was all right. He assured him every time that yes, he was fine. But he actually wasn't quite sure if he was fine. Not in the same sense that Dean asked, but in the sense that all this happy family stuff seemed to be an illusion.

His father was merely building a false reality in which that everything was okay by coming to Louisiana to visit their relatives. As though showing them good company would prove that their mothers absence was nothing but a distant memory now. That they didn't need her. But this was all a lie. Their mothers abandonment has left a deep scar on Castiel and his siblings, and it was still affecting them, and it was going to continue to affect them. He didn't understand why his father didn't seem to understand that.

Castiel was quiet through dinner.

He said goodbye to Dean and Sam. Their father had come to pick them up in the Impala. Castiel thought the metallic looked cool and smooth, but he didn't get a chance to be proven right because Mr. Winchester had wanted to get home as soon as possible.

Uncle Joshua made popcorn on the stove when the fireflies started to come out, and Raphael helped Samandriel catch some and put them in a jar. Anna, Mike, and them started to have a contest to see who could catch the most.

Gabriel managed to slide out the window on the top floor and perch himself on the roof. He announced that this would be a good spot to watch fireworks on the fourth of July, and when he said that Chuck got upset and stormed upstairs. Balthazar and Lucifer were laughing their heads off. Gabriel whined that Lucifer dared him to do it. Then Chuck got mad at Lucifer too, and told him that since he was the second oldest he should know better. Aunt Rachel got after Balthazar too.

Naomi sat with Castiel on the porch swing and named all the constellations for him. He didn't ask many questions about them. He only listened. She told him stories of Greek mythology, and Gods, and all sorts of things like that. He wondered where she learned all of this, but he didn't ask. He just let his eyes and ears be filled with the new knowledge of stars, and planets, and Greek Gods. He almost wished that he could become a star. To become a ball of energy and light, to live a million light years away, and to become part of a new nebula or galaxy. To become one of the many twinkling lights in the sky that children gaze up on on cool summer nights. To become part of a story that teachers read about to their classes when discussing ancient Greek myths.

Aunt Rachel called them to tell them that the popcorn was ready.

X

He was contently enjoying a very vivid dream consisting of freckled skin, and pink lips when Castiel was jerked awake from a loud pecking sound that was unsettling the night.  
He flipped over on his side in his bed to peer at the window next to him. He squinted, trying to help his eyes get adjusted to the dark. He could see the blue sky outside, but the moon was just out of his view. Its light still lit up the night sky and illuminated the face of the figure that had been tapping at Castiels window.

His eyes grew wide after recognizing the devilish grin greeting him outside the glass. He attempted to scramble out of bed but his foot got caught in his sheets and he ended up falling flat on his stomach on the floor. He didn't let it phase him though.

Dean was at his window.

He unhatched it and pushed up the glass, so now only a screen was separating the two.  
Dean had climbed up the house wall by crawling up the fence that was originally put by Castiels mother to hang flowers from, but now lay bare of any kind of floral arrangement. It had turned a brownish color long ago, and was most likely not safe for Dean to climb. This didn't seem to affect him in anyway.

"Hey, Cas," Deans breath was ragged, like he had just ran a long distance, "mind if I come inside?"

Castiel hardly understood any of what Dean had just said. He was still high with the excitement that he had actually shown up in the middle of the night to knock on his window. What did Dean want? Was he going to sweep Castiel away in his Impala like in Castiels fantasies? Maybe he needed his help to prank Zachariah. His heart was pumping too loud in his ears to hear anything else other than his own voice.  
"Dean," he said, "what are you doing here? It's like...two in the morning."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, but I had to go somewhere. Can you just let me in, Cas? I'm getting tired from holdin' onto this fence thing."  
"Oh! Yes! Sorry."

Castiel popped out the screen and put it on the ground, leaning it against the wall.  
Dean climbed inside once Cas moved out of the way.

"Can we go someplace else?" Dean asked in a whisper, "I don't wanna wake up your family."  
"What do you mean?" Cas squinted and tilted his head towards his shoulder, "Aren't we going to go for a ride in the Impala-"

"Sorry, Cas," Dean cut him off. Although he could hardly see he could tell Dean was smiling, "not this time...Just...take me to the bathroom or something..."

"The bathroom?" Castiel was very confused now, "What could we possibly do in the bathroom?"

Dean made a disgruntled noise, "Well, Cas, actually we could do a lot of things. But that's not what I'm here for. Just take me to the bathroom, and once you turn the lights on you'll see."

"Okay." Castiel was very confused, but went along with Deans wishes.  
He lead him out of his bedroom and took a step on the creaky floorboards in the hall. He winced at the first creak. Dean just told him to hurry up, it'll be worse if they just stood there. So he quickly tip toed the rest of the way down the hall, past Annas bedroom, and to the bathroom. He could hear Dean mumble behind him,

"Why did I come to the house with the biggest dork living inside it?"

He flipped on the bathroom lights and turned around when Dean caught up to him. When the yellow light came in contact with his green eyes he winced and brought a hand up to shield it. That's when Castiel finally noticed.  
Deans knuckles were bleeding horribly. They looked as though they had been busted open, and Castiel almost feared his hand could be broken. All down his hand was bright red blood. Flecks of it stained the tile.

"Dean!" Castiel gasped a little to loud and the latter had to shush him, "What on earth happened to you?"

"Got into a fight with my dad." He sighed with the air of having to explain this a million times before. He took a seat on the toilet next to the sink and examined his hand with the busted knuckles. The longer Castiel stared at him the more wounds he saw. There was a bleeding cut above his eyebrow, and a fading red mark on his cheek. How could he had missed these before? The friendly but cunning grin had masked these when Castiel had seen his face outside the glass.

"You hit him?" Castiel asked.  
Dean let out an odd laugh that Castiel hadn't heard him do before. It was a laugh but it sounded forced and fake. "Nah," he said, "this is from punching a tree when I was on my way over here. Everything else though is all courtesy of Johnathan Winchester."

"Is Sam all right?"  
"Sammy's fine. Pissed about his dog. But he's fine. My dad found Bones in the shed and told me to get rid of him. I told him I couldn't because it was Sams dog. This got him even more upset. Sam locked himself in our bedroom with the dog the whole time. He mighta ran off to his friend Kevins house, but if he didn't I doubt my Dad will even check on him. Dad wouldn't dare touch Sammy. He'll be fine."  
"...I need to tell my dad."

"Cas don't!" Dean stood up from the toilet and grabbed a hold of the pajama shirt Castiel was wearing just as he was turning to run down the stairs and wake up his father. "Castiel please. Don't tell. They'll split Sammy and I up. Please. I have to take care of Sam."

Castiel turned around and saw that the hand holding him back was trembling, and the green eyes looking at him were filled with hot tears. Castiel recognized this emotion. He went through it for a month or two after his mother left them. For a month straight Castiel trembled with anxiety and cried into his pillow at night. His father was a mess and Castiel feared for him. He knelled next to his bed and prayed and prayed and prayed for his mother to return. He prayed for his father to be well. But no matter how hard he prayed his mothers bags didn't return on the porch steps like they so often would in his dreams. He was afraid his family was going to be torn apart right down the middle.

Dean was scared.

So Castiel turned back around and shut the bathroom door behind him with a click. He went through the medicine cabinet and pulled out a dusty first aid kit. Without a word he began to rummage through the contents until he found Neosporin and dabbed a glob onto his finger. He went up to Dean and smeared it across the cut on his forehead.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean said softly. When Castiel didn't respond he continued talking, "I normally go over to Benny's for this kinda stuff...but he went to go visit his sister in New Orleans. He won't be back until Monday."

"Why not Balthazar?" Castiel finally said, pressing a beige band-aid over the cut. Dean actually laughed this time. "What's so funny?"

"You know, Cas..." He said, still chuckling, "I didn't even think of Balthazar until just now. I was so set on just gettin' over here to see you."

Castiel tried hard not to blush as he rummaged for the disinfectant spray in the first aid kit box. "Me?" He said plainly, pretending as though it wasn't making it his blood rush. No. Not at all.

"Yes, you...you know...you're all I can really think about lately."  
"Am I?" Castiel was now squatting in front of Dean with the disinfectant spray. His brain was buzzing with sparks of hope and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. He refused to look up at his face and instead looked hard at his hand. He took it in his own and warned him, "this might sting a little."

"Heh, I can handle it. That stuff doesn't sting so ba-" He bit down on his tongue when Castiel sprayed the disinfectant on his busted knuckles. A noise was caught in his throat and Cas tried to hold back a snicker as he watched the 'big tough guy' wince before him from a few witzs of disinfectant.

"You were saying, Dean?" He began to wrap the bandages around Dean's hand, still refusing to look up at his face.

"Shut up, Cas."

Once all his wounds were tended to, Castiel stood up off the floor and said, "Good as new."

Dean looked down at his hand and smiled back up at him, "You're awesome."  
Castiel rolled his shoulders in a modest shrug.

"You're not gonna go back to your house are you?"  
"Wasn't plannin' on it. Why?"  
"I just...I didn't want you to."

Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulder and tousled his already messy black hair. "I'm fine, Cas. You don't gotta worry about me. I can hold my own. But your dad won't mind if I stay the night right? Can I crash on your couch?"

"Of course, Dean." Castiel flashed a small smile, "you're always welcome to."  
"Awesome."

Castiel lead Dean downstairs quietly and into the living room. Dean laid down on the couch as though he had already been here a million times before. Castiel fetched him a blanket out of the hall closet and draped it over him. Dean chuckled and thanked him for it.

"Good night, Dean." He whispered to him, one hand on the stair railing.

"Night, Cas." He yawned in return.

Castiel slowly made his way back into his bedroom where the cold night air blew his curtains askew. He pushed it shut before crawling back into bed. He pressed his nose into his pillow, his hands curling into balls next to his face. His heart felt a heaviness that was very unfamiliar to him.  
He was slightly afraid for Dean. He was afraid for Sam too. He had finally gotten friends, and they were in trouble. He wouldn't let his new friends go through something like this. Sam and Dean didn't deserve it. Castiel wished that there was some way for Sam and Dean just to stay at his place or Balthazars for the summer. Someplace safe for them. Someplace to keep them away from the hurtful hands of their father.

This was a life lesson for Castiel; Dean seemed so carefree, and happy. He was rebellious. He didn't let rules confine him. He was self reliant. He could love with all his heart. He was fearless. He could look death straight in the eye and wink at it. He was something Castiel could only dream of being. It was like Dean was living in an adventure movie and Castiel was merely watching it. Dean was fast cars, good company, trouble making, and smart. Dean was all these things, and yet, he was only just a scared little boy as well.


	5. Tanlines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dean. Car. Now."  
> "Sir, I really don't think-"  
> "Dean."
> 
> John Winchesters eyes were narrowed dangerously.
> 
> Dean looked back to his friends, and then to his father. He let out a long sigh, shrugged his shoulders and said, "All right, sir. What ever you say. Lose the towel?"
> 
> "Lose it."  
> "Yes, sir."

The next morning, Samandriel was jumping on Castiel again.

"Castiel!" He was saying, "Castiel, did you know Dean stayed the night?"

"Yes, Samandriel," he grumbled. It was far too early for him to be awake. Castiel normally rolled out of bed around noon, but Samandriel was far too excited to let him sleep that long. It was eight in the morning according to his watch, but the sun was just as hot and sticky as it was in the afternoon. "I know."

"I almost sat on him this morning when I came downstairs to watch cartoons. Daddy made him breakfast! Micheal told me that I should let him watch T.V. since he's the guest, but Dean let me watch _Ed, Edd, and Eddy_! He said that he likes that show too. Deans real nice, isn't he, Castiel?" said Samandriel.

"Mmhmm..." Castiel yawned, smiling into his pillow, "Real nice."

"Oh, and Daddy wants to talk to you. He sent me up here to get you." He then scrambled out of Castiels bed and scampered down the hall, shouting that Castiel was now awake.

Gabriel groaned in the bed next to him. 

"Doesn't that kid have a fuckin' off switch...."

Castiel sat up on his elbows in time to see the bundle of blankets across from him be pulled over the dark blonde mess of hair. Gabriel likes to sleep also. 

Cas didn't bother getting dressed. He stumbled down the hallway half asleep, and met his father in the kitchen. Dean sat at the island, his feet tucked under the bar stool, and his hand twirling a plastic fork as though this was a reoccurring thing that happened. He was already so comfortable in Castiels home it was almost unnerving. 

"Good morning, Castiel." Chuck greeted.

"Mornin', Cas." said Dean, his cheeks full of cinnamon waffles, and his lips stained with syrup. 

The damages from last night looked more noticeable now. His bandaged hand had blue and pink marks crawling up his skin, and there was a yellow mark on the side of his face. A light purple ring under his eye almost went unnoticed if it weren't for the light in the kitchen.

 

When Cas saw this he tried his best not to look disturbed. However, it was hard to do so when Dean hadn't looked anything like this yesterday. His gut plunged through the floor the moment he laid eyes on him. He knew at once that this was what his father wanted to talk to him about, and that meant Cas would have to think of a lie.  

Castiel raised a hand in greeting as he shuffled along the hardwood floors. "Morning." He took the empty stool next to Dean and grabbed a paper plate, pulling the plate laden with waffles closer to him. He piled two on his plate before drowning them in syrup. "Did you sleep well, Dean?" he asked.

Dean nodded, "I did, yeah, thanks. Your little brother nearly scared me half to death, though. He sat right on my gut this morning. I thought I was gonna hack up yesterdays supper. He was pretty surprised to see me, lemme tell ya." He laughed, shoveling more waffles into his mouth. 

"He said something like that happened," said Castiel, "he thought it was quite exciting to have you over. He appreciated you letting him watch _Ed, Edd, and Eddy_." 

Dean leaned back, pressing his hand against his heart and saying, "Hey, I love that show, man. I'm not gonna pass it up."

They both snickered into their breakfasts.

"Castiel," Chuck called to him, inching his finger towards himself, "I need a word with you."

:Okay." said Castiel.

He hopped off his stool to follow his father into the master bedroom. Chuck closed the door behind them, and stood away from the walls in order for no one to hear them from outside.

"Castiel, I want you tell me what happened." he said. 

"Dean needed a place to stay the night." he deadpanned.

"I've managed that much. But what happened to him? You can tell me."

"He...he got into a fight is all. He couldn't go home. He needed a place to stay the night so I told him he could sleep here. He couldn't go home, Dad."

Castiels hands were starting to feel really sweaty, and he shoved them into his pajama pants pockets to hide them.

"Why not?" asked Chuck.

"Be-because he got into a fight." said Castiel.

"With who?"

Castiel didn't have an answer for that. He didn't want Sam and Dean to be separated. He promised Dean he wouldn't tell, and he didn't want to break another promise. Why was having friends so hard? He wasn't sure if he was ready to put up with all of this if it meant having friends that wanted him around. Which was worse though; lying, or loneliness?

"Castiel, you can tell me. It's all right." Chuck patted him on the shoulder with a heavy hand.

"He just got into a fight, Dad. He didn't tell me anything else." said Castiel.

Chuck stared hard into Castiels eyes for a long time, like he knew he was lying. He didn't know how to call him out on it though. Eventually he let Cas go. They left the bedroom, and Castiel resumed his place next to Dean at the island. Chuck disappeared into the living room.

"What did he want?" Dean whispered, leaning towards Castiels ear. 

"What happened to you." Castiel whispered back. 

"What'd you tell him?" Dean asked in alarm.

"I just said that you got into a fight. I didn't say with who. Just a fight."

"Thanks, buddy," Dean sat back and patted Cas on the back hard.

Castiel tried to smile, but he still felt sick inside. He didn't like lying to his father. Especially lying about something like this. Sam and Dean could be in danger.and instead of helping his friends he was only hurting them. He tried to push these feelings away as Dean added,

"I knew I could always count on you."

Just then Gabriel entered the kitchen. His eyes more closed than they were open, and his boxers sporting the Flash superhero symbol all over them. He walked like the living dead towards the white refrigerator, pulling out a jug of milk. His blonde-brown hair stuck up straight with sweat and humidity. It looked like he had stuck his finger into a light socket and had gotten electrocuted.

He turned with his jug of milk and popped off the top, raising the open circle to his lips and taking long gulps until he felt satisfied enough to put the jug back into the fridge. He turned around to see Dean and Cas looking at him. He squinted, as though trying to decipher whether he was dreaming or not. Once he figured this was reality, he brought up the ankle of his hand up to his eye and rubbed the sleep from it. 

"Good morning." He said, his voice still groggy and wrecked.

"Good morning, Gabriel." said Castiel.

"I'm really diggin' your choice of underpants there, Gabriel." said Dean.

Gabriel winked at Dean, making a clicking sound with the side of his mouth as he snapped his fingers, making a horizontal L with his forefinger and his thumbs. He too shuffled out of the kitchen and wondered back up the stairs, but not before Castiel noticed that he was now sporting three strands of licorice that had not been in his hand moments before.

"Is it always like this?" Dean turned to Castiel once they were left alone again.

"Is what like this?"  
"Your house. Is it always so...eventful I guess?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder. He honestly didn't know what Dean was talking about until he heard a slamming of a door from upstairs, followed by Micheal and Lucifer yelling at each other about the bathroom. Anna then joined in by telling them to keep it down, "some people are still sleeping for the love of all that is holy"! 

He didn't seem to realize that some families weren't quite as big as his was. Some families homes probably weren't so full of noise all the time. 

Castiel tried to think of a time when he wasn't so surrounded by noise inside his house or the family car, but he couldn't think of one.

He found it a little hard to imagine life without noise, and what Deans usual Sunday mornings were like. He had no clue what it would be like to only have one other sibling. How was Deans house not constantly full of life and the chatter of people?

Castiel started laughing, "Yes, it is."

Samandriel came whirring from the living room at this time. Still wearing his pajamas and bouncing on the heels of his feet with his hands pressed against the island counter top. "Dean, are you gonna be here all day?" he asked, "'Cause we were gonna go to the beach today, and I bet Daddy will let you come too! We're going to see the ocean!"

Dean smiled but shook his head, "Thanks for the offer, Alfie, but I can't. I gotta get home to Sammy."

"Oh," Samandriel stopped bouncing, his face crestfallen, "Will you at least stay for a while?"

"Sure. When are you guys leaving?"

"Noon." Said Castiel.

"I'll stay till then. That okay?"

"Yay!" Samandriel cheered, "I can show you my Pokemon card collection! It's actually Castiels from when he was little-er, but he gave it to me. And now I have lots more than he did! Right, Castiel?"

Castiel was still in awe over the fact that Samandriel allowed Dean to call him Alfie. In fact, it seemed that he hadn't even noticed that he had used it. Samandriel seemed to really like Dean. A lot actually. Especially if he let him call him by his nickname in which Dean does not know the origin. When he was addressed he snapped out of his trance, "Oh, yes. You do have a lot don't you? Still don't have Mew though."

Samandriel made a face, "No. It's hard to find the older ones. I'll go get my binder to show you, kay?" He then darted off up the stairs into the bedroom to dig into his suitcase for his binder full of the paper thin cards.

"Next time Adams home we'll have to get him and Alfie together," Dean smirked as he took a swig of his orange juice, "I think they'd make good friends."

"How old is Adam? Same age?"  
"He's six. So he's a little younger, but I still think they'll play nice. Adam likes Pokemon and all that stuff. It's only a two year age difference really."

Castiel nodded, "All right. Next time I'll have to bring Samandriel over to your house. Or you could bring Adam over here. Either way. There's more people here so it'd just feel extra crowded though."

Dean chuckled, "My house then? Adam should be home Thursday. Is it a date then?"  
Castiels insides turned to cold jello. He nodded. Changing the subject by saying the first thing flying into his head, "Why do you call him Alfie?"

"Oh-oh, sorry. Is that-? Sorry. I heard Gabriel call him that once, and-I dunno-he seems more like an Alfie than Samandriel. Is that not okay?"  
"No, no," Castiel smirked, "it's fine. He doesn't seem bothered by it. We just haven't called him that since he was younger. Our mother used to call him that."  
"Oh, Jesus, Cas, I-I'm sorry. I had no idea, dude-I-"  
"Dean, it's fine," Castiel smiled genuinely, "It doesn't bother Samandriel, so it doesn't bother me. You're all right. I just thought you should know where it came from. See, when Samandriel was little he liked to play dress up a lot. He had this Wiener Hut employee outfit with the name Alfie on the tag. Whenever he wore it he made our mother call him Alfie, and the name just sort of...stuck."

"Well, isn't that just god damned adorable." Dean smirked.

"I got'em!" Samandriel sang as he hopped down the steps, wielding his binder up above his head. He climbed onto the other stool on the other side of Dean and laid the binder down between them, opening to the first page. Samandriel pointed to his favorite cards, and recalled how he had gotten them. He asked Dean which were his favorites, Dean said Cubone and Pikachu. Samandriel liked Evee and Voltrix. Castiel liked the water types the most. They talked about Pokemon for a while until Lucifer came down and overheard them.

"Can't you all go have a nerd-gasm some place else?" He snorted, grabbing a few waffles from the plate and stuffing them in his mouth, "like really? This is the kitchen. We  _eat_  here."

Samandriel frowned, but obliged by scooping up his binder and hopping off the stool, strutting to the living room with an annoyed and hurt expression on his face. Dean and Castiel followed him.

Samandriel plopped himself down on the couch with his black binder sitting on his legs. He stared down at it as he picked at the leather with his fingernail.

Dean sat down next to him, wrapping his arm around the back of the couch. He said to Samandriel, "You know Alfie...I don't think you're nerdy."

"Well, duh," Samandriel wrinkled his nose, "you  _are_  nerdy."

"What?" Huffed Dean, "who says?"

"You like Pokemon."  
"So? I also like ACDC and Metallica. Those sound like nerdy things to you?"  
"No."  
"Cas? Am I nerdy?"

"N-no!" Castiel gasped, "of course not, Dean. You're the coolest friend I've ever had."

Dean grinned at Castiel before turning back to Samandriel. "There. Yah see. Just 'cause you like something like Pokemon doesn't make you nerdy. Besides, being a geek isn't necessarily bad is it?"

"No, I guess not."

Dean patted Samandriels shoulder lightly, smiling at him kindly. "Except if you're Cas. He's a mega nerd isn't he?"

Samandriel put his palm over his mouth and giggled into it as Dean looked back over his shoulder to grin at Castiel. Castiel smiled back and shrugged his shoulders as though saying ' _yeah, I'm a nerd. Whatcha gonna do with me_?'

Dean winked at him.

They spent the rest of the few hours playing with Samandriel. Castiel later apologized to Dean privately that they had to spend the whole time with Samandriel clinging to him. But Dean said he didn't mind. He was used to having little kids around all the time.

They asked Samandriel about if he would like to play with Deans brother Adam sometime and he said with round eyes, "I get to go to Deans house?"

"Yeah, sure, Alfie." Dean chuckled.

"Yeah! I'll play with Adam! Do you have lost-a toys?"  
"We've got a whole playroom full of them."  
"Does Adam like Pokemon?"  
"Loves'em."  
"Awesome."

When it was time for Dean to leave Chuck leaned into the bedroom where Dean, Castiel, and Samandriel were playing with Batman action figures. He said that they would be getting ready for the beach soon, and it was probably time for Dean to get home to his own family. Samandriel went, "awwww..." and stuck out his bottom lip as Dean and Castiel got up off the carpet.

"Don't worry, Alfie," Smiled Dean, "we'll play again soon. Okay?"  
"Okay, Dean."

Chuck lead Castiel and Dean to the front door of the house. Dean swiped his leather jacket off the back of the couch before walking out of the doo Chuck held for him. He stood out on the porch, facing the Shurleys.

"It was nice having you over, Dean," Said Chuck, "You can visit anytime."

"Heh. Thanks for havin' me. And I woulda called at first, but I didn't have Cas's phone number."

"Well, why don't you give it to him, Castiel? You two seem to be such good friends and all. It'll be easier to get in contact with him other than through Balthazar."

Castiel hadn't even thought about giving Dean his phone number. He never used it, so why would he? Dean just smiled, and nodded in agreement with Mr. Shurley. He took out his cell phone from his back pocket and held it out to Cas. "You can add your number."

Castiel took the phone and typed his number into the contact list. He wrote his name at the top, and handed it back to Dean.

"I'll shoot you a message when I get home, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Have fun at the beach. See yah later, Cas."  
"Goodbye, Dean."

Castiel watched him hop down the porch steps and walk to the end of the path of their house that lead to the sidewalk where Dean turned to raise his hand in a wave. Castiel waved back.

X

He received a text from Dean just a few moments after he had settled in the back of the station wagon with Anna, and their beach supplies. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and struggled to get it out as quickly as he could. The green message bar showed up on his phone, gazing up at him with white letters and numbers, calling to him to respond. He slid open the screen and it took him to the message board.

The text said, 'Hey Cas! It's Dean I'm home :)'

Castiel tried to bite his lip to keep from smiling as his thumbs danced across the screen to respond. He first added Deans number into his contact list, then sent him the message.

'Hello Dean. We're on our way to the beach now. Are you alright? Being at home? Is Sam all right?'

He pressed his phone to his stomach. He gazed out the window Annas head was in front of, waiting in anticipation for Deans reply. It didn't take long to feel the buzz buzz of the response.

'I'm fine Cas so is Sam. Bones is still here btw no sign of Dad.'

'Good.' said Cas.

'haha'  
'I dont think I like your father very much Dean'  
'That makes three of us.'

Then he sent:'How long are you going to be at the beach?'

'All day. We won't be home till at least ten at night. Why?'

'Dang. I kinda wanted to see you again'  
'We just saw each other Dean'  
'I know i know but i dunno I just like hangin out with you I guess.'

Castiel really smiled when he read this, and Anna noticed.

"What are you so happy about?" She asked.

"Nothing." He lied.

"Who are you texting?"  
"No one."

"He's texting Dean. Aren't you, Castiel?" Samandriel turned around in the middle seat in front of them, "he's best friends with Dean now. Right?"

"Um...Yes. I suppose so."

"Aw, how sweet," said Anna, but there was a hint of falseness in her voice. Castiel knew it was coming from the fact that his sister didn't necessarily like Dean."it's really good that you're making friends, little brother."

"Dean is nice," said Castiel, nodding at his phone, "he says...he likes hanging out with me."

"Thats good." Anna smiled, but it didn't last long. She turned to look out the window at the moving world passing bay in a blur.

Castiel turned back to his phone, biting on his lip as he read the message again, and sent one of his own.

'I like hanging out with you too.'

X

Castiel didn't swim like the rest of his family did. Instead he sat on the beach towels, and read one of his favorite books that he had brought with him. There were only a few other families on the beach that day so it wasn't too difficult for him to concentrate on his literature.

The sun and sand were hot on his skin, but he didn't mind. He smeared white sun block on his nose underneath the bar that held his sunglasses together.

When confronted by Lucifer about why he wasn't joining them he told him he'd rather just enjoy the sunshine and read. Lucifer said he was probably just afraid of sharks and alligators in the water. Calling him a big wuss.

At the first mention of alligators Gabriel hurried out to join Castiel in the sand. The yellow grains stuck to his wet body as he and Castiel made a sandcastle with Samandriels toys.

"So," Said Gabriel, pressing his hands against the wet sand to form a tower next to their square castle, "whats the real reason you don't wanna come in the water? Are you really afraid you're gonna get eaten?"

"No," Said Castiel matter-of-factly, "I'm not scared."

"Then what is it?"

Cas rolled his shoulder, "I just don't feel like it."

Gabriel went quiet for a while. The sun beat down on their backs as they molded their castle and dug a moat around it. Castiel got up to go find some shells by the shoreline. The water roared with awareness as he drew closer, as though it were teasing him about his fears. He could see the ring of foam on the dark sand were the tide was laping up to. That was were the most shells were. He stared at the ring for a long while, daring himself to get that close to the water. His fingernails pressed against his palms, worrying on his lip as another wave crashed against the earth. This wave was larger, and the tide pushed itself farther up the sand. Pooling around Castiels feet. He turned fridged with surprise and shock. The tide was pulling back into the sea, and it was trying to pull Castiel with it like cold greedy hands grasping for his ankles. The hands wanted to take him back into a place of darkness, and a place where Castiel couldn't feel the ground, or breathe.

He wasn't able to move again until the hands fell away into the sea.

Castiel moved back up the shore, farther away from the tide to collect shells.

He had just began to plink a few shells into Samandriels pail when Gabriel walked up to him.

"Castiel," he said, "I just realized...you never go swimming. Do you?"  
Castiel didn't respond. He just continued to collect shells.  
"Every time we go someplace with water you always find some excuse to stay out of it. Why is that?"

Castiel continued walking along the sand. He was hoping that maybe if he didn't anwser Gabriel maybe he would get bored and leave it be. He didn't want to ignore his brother. He would gladly share his fears with Gabriel; the one brother he trusted more than anything. But he didn't want Gabriel to feel guilty like he knew he would if he came clean.  
Castiel found a conch shell. He thought it was very pretty. White with tan-orange swirls climbing to the very tip.

"Are you afraid?" Gabriel kept talking like Castiel feared he would, "Are you afraid of the water?"

Castiel brought the conch shell up to his ear. It echoed with the words of the sea. He brought it back up to his eyes to look at it again, peering inside, and wondering if a hermit crab had made this its home at some point.

"Castiel." Gabriels voice turned hard, "Castiel, are you afraid of water because of what I did to you?"

Castiel finally turned to look at him. Unable to ignore him any longer. Gabriel was standing with his fists clenched at his sides. The heavy crashing waves of the ocean, and the shrieks of the families swimming pierced through the air, filling the silence.

Castiel spoke over them. "No."

"Don't lie. You're terrible at it."  
"I'm not lying. I just don't want to swim." He started to walk back to their beach towels, and the sandcastle.

"Bullshit, Castiel. I saw the look on your face when that tide hit your feet. You were terrified."  
"I'm fine."  
"Why are you lying to me?" Gabriel was almost shouting now, but not loud enough for others to hear over the crashing of the waves. Castiel didn't respond. "Just tell me whats wrong, Cas. I promise I won't tell Lucifer or anything. I won't make fun of you."

"That's not what I'm worried about." Castiel sat on his knees in the sand, pressing sea shells into the castle. Making a door, and windows, and circling them around the tops.

"Then what is it?"  
"Just forget about it, Gabriel."  
"Just tell me already! Are you afraid of water, or not? Is there something else bothering you then? You nearly drowned when you were eight you have a perfectly good reason to be afraid-"  
"I said forget it, Gabriel."

"...Fine. Fuckin'...fine. Whatever." Gabriel stormed off down the beach. Castiel didn't watch him leave. He only continued working on the sandcastle.

Castiel didn't like making his brother angry, but he also didn't want to confess to his fear. He was afraid of what Gabriel would do if he told him. In the past he had talked about wanting to run away, about wanting to end it all. Now, Castiel wasn't sure what he really meant by that, but he was afraid of the worst possible outcome. He didn't want to give Gabriel another reason to want to run away. He liked having his older brother around. Gabriel was the only one who he could really confine in, and he didn't want to lose that. So he kept this secret to himself. He didn't mind copeing with it. It wasn't that difficult, he thought.

When he looked up from the sandcastle Gabriel was farther down the beach than he would have thought. He was approaching a flock of seagulls, and as he neared them they took off into the air, squawking insults at him for disturbing them it seemed.

"Castiel!" Samandriel was running towards him now. His hair wet with the salty sea. "Castiel! What are you doing?"

"Making a sandcastle."  
Samandriel put his hands on his knees, squatting slightly to get a good look at the castle. He then nodded in approval. "I like it."  
"Thank you."

Samandriel walked over to grab his towel out from the beach bag, along with a sandwich wrapped in a plastic bag. He sat down next to his brother, chewing a big piece he had tore of his ham sandwich. "Want one?" He asked thickly. Castiel shook his head. "Didn't Gabriel come up here to be with you? Where did he go?" Castiel jerked his head in the direction their elder brother had stormed off in. "Oh." Said Samandriel, "Did you know the ocean is salty, Castiel? It's not like Lake Michigan. It tastes salty. But Anna said you shouldn't really drink it 'cause it'll make you sick. Micheal said he was gonna help me look for shark teeth in the sand later. You wanna look with us?"

"Sure." Said Castiel.

"I hope we find a big one! Like a great whites. You know sharks have three rows of teeth?" He dug the crook of his finger into his mouth to tug on his bottom lip like a hook, "they don't even chew their food! They just swallow it! Can you believe that, Cas?"

"Amazing isn't it?" Smiled Castiel, "Do you know that the biggest shark in the world doesn't even have teeth?"

"Nuh uh." Samandriels eyes grew wide.

Castiel nodded, "The whale shark is the biggest shark out of all the species, and it only feeds on krill."

"Wow. How do you know so much about animals?"

Castiel shrugged, "I like animals."  
"Are you gonna be a zookeeper?"  
"Maybe."  
"That'd be so cool. Then you could take me to the zoo for free!"

Castiel just laughed and nodded. Samandriel picked up his pale and offered to get water from the ocean for the moat. Castiel said he could, and his little brother scrambled away towards the giant ocean waves.

As Castiel watched him leave his heart twisted in his chest from a sudden realization.

_Samandriels the same age I was when I nearly drowned in that pond._

Samandriel was so little. Littler than Castiel was at that age it seemed. Samandriel was practically all skin and bones. The longer Castiel watched his baby brother stand at the shore of the beach the worse his anxiety got. The waves suddenly seemed much larger than they had been. They looked like they were towering over Samandriel. They had suddenly grown eight feet tall, and were going to come crashing down on his small little body and suck him away into the ocean where he won't be able to hold his head up. It would crack his little bones as easily as a birds, tear him away from the safety of the sand from right under his feet. All that would be left of him would be a little red pail.  
Castiel started trembling as another wave started roaring towards Samandriel. It was creeping up on him, and if Castiel didn't do something soon-

"Samandriel!" Castiel found himself on his feet, yelling.

At the sound of his name Samandirels head popped up and turned to look back at his brother, a puzzled expression on his face. He stood up straight, the red pale full of water in his hands. The yellow plastic handle bending in his grip from the weight. "Yeah?" He called back.

The waves suddenly silenced. The roaring tsunami Castiel had just seen had dissolved into calm waters, and a gentle sloshing of salty tide laping at the sand.  
Castiel felt a bit foolish now. But the anxiety was still there.

"Whats wrong, Cas?"

"Just-uh...just don't get too much water okay? We don't want it to overflow."

"Okay!" said Samandriel, tipping his bucket to dump a bit of the water back out into the sea. He came running back to Castiel, hovering over the moat. He tipped the bucket again, slowly letting out all the salty water into the tiny moat. The water poured out onto both sides and then met in the middle, filling up the moat and dying the sand until the last drop fell out of Samandriels bucket. "Wow," Samandriel was in awe, "this is so neat!"

Castiel smiled at him, as his brother held up the pail, "will you go shellfish hunting with me? Lucifer said theres lots around here."

"Sure." Castiel got up off the sand and brushed off the grimy pebbles sticking to his skin, they left small red indents in his calf from sitting too long. "Where do you think-" He began to ask where Samandriel would like to look for the little shellfish first, but was cut off by a loud fake cough. They both looked up to see Gabriel.

His hair had now dried, and the salt had made his blonde wavy locks curl into 'Q's around his head. He was twirling a gray and white seagull feather in his hand, looking at Castiel with an expression Castiel couldn't really read.

"Hi, Gabriel." Said Samandriel, "cool feather."

"Thanks." Said Gabriel, not looking away from Castiel.

"Wanna help us look for shellfish?"  
"Sure, Sport." A smirk tugged on the corner of his mouth.

Before they left Gabriel bent down, and placed the seagull feather on the very top of the sandcastle.  
So Castiel figured that this meant that they had made up.

It was hard for Gabriel to stay mad for a long period of time.

X

He woke up the next morning to his phone buzzing loudly on the side table.

His eyes were still drooping heavily with the desire for sleep. In the mere few days that Castiel had been on summer vacation he felt as though he hadn't slept for the solid eight hours you're supposed to. The prickles of sunburn stung his shoulders as he shifted slightly in his bed. The sun peaked around the curtain at the window just to tease at his eyes. He huffed, flopping his arm over his closed lids to block out the sun and go back to the well craved sleep.

But the phone kept buzzing.

It seemed to be buzzing louder now. As though it knew that Castiel was ignoring it, and it wanted his attention.

It wasn't a text, because the buzzing was too drawn out and consitant. He groaned, reaching his hand over to the phone and pressing the green phone button, holding it up to his ear.

"Hello?" He said sleepily. He hadn't even looked at the I.D. to see who was calling. He didn't know what time it was, but he knew it was too early for him. He remembered getting home just a few hours previous, and it only felt like he had been sleeping for five minutes.

"Cassie!" it was Balthazar, "rise and shine, sweet heart! I'm with three rambunctious teenage boys at the moment, and one of them is  _dying_ to see you."

There was chatter in the background. Like someone was shouting at Balthazar.

"Dean?" Castiel rubbed sleep from his eyes, trying to unfog his brain, "Deans there?"

"Whats this?" Balthazar said loudly, "You want to talk to  _Dean_?"

"What?" Castiel yawned, "I didn't say that-"  
"Geez, Cassie! Calm down! I'll hand the phone over!"  
"Balthazar-"  
"Okay, here's your boy toy! I get it! Too good for your big cousin now I get it. Here's Deanie."  
"Balthazar I-"

The British accent was replaced with a gruff, and sandpaper-like voice, "Uh-Hello?"  
"Hello, Dean."  
"Did you..uh..did you really want to talk to me?"

Castiel chuckled, "All I did was ask if you were there. Balthazar made quite a big show out of it didn't he?"

Deans laughter crackled over the phone, "I can't believe him. I think your cousin has it in his head that we're supposed to be a thing or somethin'."

"A thing?"  
"You know. An item? Dating?"  
"Oh."

Castiel could hear his cousin whooping excitedly over the phone in the background along with two other voices. It sounded like Sam and Benny were there too.

"Hey shut up!" Dean barked at them, "That ain't what we're talkin' about, so shut up! Sorry, Cas. It's like everyone around here is nuts-o about us bein' together."

"It's all right." Castiel forced a laugh. His heart was fluttering inside his chest so much it was making it hard to think, "let'em have their fun..."

"Heh," Dean seemed to force a laugh also, "Anyway, Cas...we were gonna pack a lunch, and head down to the lake if you wanna come. I know you went swimming yesterday, but um...you know. It's never too hot to not go swimming." He chuckled awkwardly. Castiel could practically hear him running a hand through his hair, "So...if you wanna come with us ya can."

"Well..." anxiety bit tiny razor toothed marks on the edges of Castiels stomach. Swimming. With Dean. He would very much like to spend time with Dean doing anything, but swimming?! Why swimming? He wasn't sure how to say no. He didn't want to say no.

"Who are you talking to?" Gabriels grumbling voice interrupted Castiel. He had a very sleepy and dreamy expression on his face as he sat up on his elbows in bed. His eyes squinting at Cas as though he were as bright as the sun. The side of his hair that he had been sleeping on stuck up straight like a rosters crown.

Castiel covered the speaker part of the phone with his hand, "I'm talking to Dean. He and Balthazar, and Sam, and Benny want me to go swimming with them."

Gabriel seemed to perk up enough to walk across the floor and yank the phone out of Castiels hand, he put it up to his ear and said, his voice still wrecked from sleep, "We'll be there...What do you mean who is this? This is Gabriel Shurley. Cas n' I are comin' swimmin' with you guys...What do you mean I wasn't invited who the hell is this? Put Balthazar on the phone."

Castiel made a grab for his cellphone back, but his brother was quicker than he was, jerking back, and walking towards his bed as he talked. Castiel really didn't want Gabriel to upset Dean, or to embarrass him in front of his new-and only friends.  
" _Dean Winchester_?" Gabriel snorted. He then casted a glance towards Castiels way, a devilish smirk playing at his lips. " _Ohhh,_ I think I read that name in Castiels diary!"

"Gabriel!" Castiel gasped, jumping out of bed and running up to his brother. Gabriel jumped on top of his mattress, his feet perched on the tip of his headboard and his hand pressed against the wall for support. Castiel climbed on the bed after him, still making desperate grasps for his phone. "Gabriel give it back! I don't even have a diary!"

"Yep, thats right," Gabriel drawled, "I read  _all_  about you," then adapting an annoying high pitched voice he said, "Dear Diary, Dean Winchester is the only friend I've ever had. He's soooo nice, and  _dreamy_. Oh, diary, he's everything I ever wanted! If only father would approve! Then Dean and I could live happy ever after!" He then made kissing noises into the phone while glaring his smiling eyes at Castiels red face.

"I don't even sound like that!"

"Whats that, Dean? You like Cas too? Well, dang, we better round up the relatives and put on a weddin'! 'cause you're the only one here!"  
"Gabriel!" Castiel barked, wrapping his arms around his legs, and tackling him down onto Samandriels bed-who yelped with a start when his two elder brothers landed on him.

"Whats the big idea?" He shouted grumpily, shoving at them to get them out of his bed.

Castiel rolled out of the bed, latching onto Gabriel to pull him with him. Once on the floor, he straddled Gabriel, and tore the phone out of his hands. He brought the phone up to his ear, breathing hard, "Dean! Dean it's not true! Gabriel made all of it up-I don't even have a diary! And I don't sound like that!"

All he heard was laughter on the other side of the line. Laughter that didn't belong to Dean.

"Balthazar?"

"Oh, geez, Cassie, I'm really sorry, but that brother of yours just cracks me up."

More humor that Castiel didn't understand. He frowned darkly down at Gabriel under him, who was smirking wickedly. Balthazar continued to talk, "We'll pick you two up around twelve thirty. Hope you're ready by then." The line clicked dead. Castiel let his phone fall down onto the floor next to him without peeling his eyes away from Gabriel.

"Aw, c'mon, Cas, it was pretty funny. I was jus' teasin'. I wouldn't actually do that to you! Why would I jeopardize the only friendship you've got! Forgive me, bro?"

Castiel thought for a moment before saying, "Yes. But only after I do this."

Gabriels face turned crestfallen for a moment of fear crossed his face. "Do what-"

Castiel stuck a finger in his mouth, curling his tongue around it to get it wet with saliva. He pulled it out and dug it into Gabriels ear. All his brother could do was squirm under him, and curse at him. Castiel was heavier than Gabriel, and there was no way he could push him off.

" _Gross_ , Cas!" He hissed, "Why you always gotta go for the wet willies?"

Castiel was smiling when he finally pulled his finger out of his brothers ear and wiped it off on his shirt, "Because you hate them."

"Damn right," He snarled, cupping his ear with his hand, "remind me to never piss you off again."

X

They arrived at their house at forty after twelve. Castiel and Gabriel were wearing their swimsuits from yesterday, and carrying a lunch box, and two towels. Even though Castiel didn't plan on swimming. He had a book hidden in the lunch box.

When Balthazar knocked on the door Gabriel lept up from the step he and his brother had been sitting on on the staircase. He scrambled to the front door, and yanked it open to greet his cousin.

"Balthazar!"  
"Gabriel," Balthazar chuckled, "You ready to go? Wheres Castiel?"

Castiel shuffled to Gabriels side and raised a hand in a small wave in response.

"Don't forget your sunscreen, Castiel!" Chuck called from inside, wielding a bottle of SPF 50 in his hand. He hurried to his sons side and pressed in into his palm, "you already got burned yesterday. Don't want to make it worse do you?"

"Thanks, Dad." Said Castiel quietly.

"We better get going. See ya, Uncle Chuck!"  
"You boys be safe!"  
"We will."  
"Don't worry about us, Dad," Gabriel slung an arm around Castiel, and gave him a hard nougie on his scalp, "they've got me! The adult supervision!"

" _Right_." Said Chuck, not so surely.

Balthazar grabbed Gabriel by the arm and pulled him out of the house and down to the sidewalk with a hearty tug, pulling him along and waving with his other hand to his uncle. Castiel turned to wave goodbye also when he reached the end of the pathway before turning down the street to follow the others. Chuck waved back with a genuine smile. Castiels heart felt a tickle of warmth. He felt as though his father was finally happy. It made Castiel giddy.

He skipped ahead to fall instep beside Dean.

"Well, hey, Cas," Dean smiled, "whats got you so happy?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder. "I dunno. I'm just...happy. I feel good."

"That's good." Deans smile went broader, "Real good, Cas."

"Will you two stop flirtin'?" Benny barked, "yer makin' me gag."

Deans smile instantly went to a frown, and he glared at Benny. Hitting the towel he had brought with him against Bennys head like it was a bat, "Shut up, Benny."

Benny just let out a laugh and scampered up next to Balthazar, getting out of Deans reach.

"So, Sam," Gabriel was saying, "how old are you again?"

"Thirteen."  
"Hmm...you're pretty short for a thirteen year old, don't you think?"  
"Well, you're pretty short for an _eighteen_ year old." Sam snarked, " _Don't you think_?"

Gabriel wheeled around to look at Castiel and Dean with a huge grin on his face, jerking a thumb towards Sams direction and saying, "I like him."

X  
  


When they arrived at the swimming hole Benny sounded a triumphant yelp as he ran down the bumpy dirt path down the hill towards the pond. The rest of the boys followed suit.

Castiel stood back and watched as the others peeled off their clothes and tossed them to the side to be littered across the grass. Shirts, flannels, jeans, socks, and shoes were all making a path towards the sandy beach of the pond. Castiel watched as Benny and Dean faught over who would get to the top of the rock first. Castiel tried not to look below Deans waist.

Benny got to the top first and made a giant cannonball into the water. Sending sprinkles of raindrops rippling back. Once Benny resurfaced it was Deans turn. He turned around to get a running start, then pivoted and sprinted to the very cliff of the boulder to push off, his hands clasped on top of his head to slice through the green water. His form was beautiful. It would have made an Olympic diver turn in their grave. Benny scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Show off."

Balthazar then jumped off the rock, shouting at the top of his lungs, "long live the Queen!"

Then went Gabriel, tucking his legs up into a ball like Benny had and soaking all those who were around him. When he resurfaced he slicked his hair back and beckoned for Sam to jump off as well. "C'mon, Sammich!" He shouted, "you can do it!"

"He always chickens out," Benny spit water into the air, paddling on his back in circles around his friends, "he says every time that he can do it, but he never does. Don't even bother tryin', Gabriel. Dean and I gave up last August."

"I-I can to do it!" Sams voice shook slightly.

"Nah, you can't." Benny taunted.

"Can to!"

"Prove it to him, Sam!" Gabriel raised a fist into the air, "c'mon and jump in! Nothin's gonna getcha."

"He's not gonna do it." Scoffed Dean playfully, "He's just a big ol' baby."

Sams bottom lip stuck out in a pout, his brown eyebrows furrowing. With one big breath, he took off at a running start like his brother had. He pushed off the rock and tucked his legs to his chest, wrapping on arm around them to hold them together, and plugging his nose with his free hand. The water swallowed him up, and then spit him back out. Sam had a grin on his face, as did everyone else.

They all cheered. Dean tousled Sams hair while Benny punched his shoulder in congratulations.

"I told you I could do it." Sam bragged.

"Hey, Castiel!" Dean suddenly noticed that Cas was still standing on the grass, "why don't you come in?"

"Cas doesn't really like swimming." Said Gabriel, diving under water and then resurfacing like a dolphin, "he never goes with us when we go to the beach in the summer at home. And when Dad would drag him all he does was sit in the sand and read."

"Why don't you like swimmin', Cas?" Dean frowned, paddling towards the shore.

Castiel wanted to tell him that it was because he was afraid of the water. That he was afraid of not being able to feel solid ground under him when he swam. That he was afraid if he stepped foot in the water he would never resurface. He was afraid of the dark abyss waiting under the water, waiting to pull him under, and suck him up. He was afraid of his lungs burning for air, the bubbles blinding his vision.

But he didn't say a word.  
He just shrugged.

"You comin' in brother?" Benny called, his hands cupped around his mouth.

The crickets and birds chirped in the quiet. Castiel toed the dirt with his shoe for a while before picking up his head and answering, "I'm just...I'm just gonna read."

" _What_?" Benny retorted, as though he had never even heard of anyone wanting to read during the summer.

Castiel didn't respond to him. He sat down on the dirt and pulled his book out of the beach bag he and Gabriel had brought with them. Criss crossing his legs, and opening to the page in the book he had left off on he began reading. The yells and shouts of the others soon fading away as he became lost in the story.

A loud splash brought him back.

He looked up and saw Dean reemerging from the water after what appeared to have been a chicken fight, and he and Benny had lost to Gabriel and Sam. Dean went over and pushed Gabriel and Sam over anyway. Castiel tried to hide his smirk behind his book.

"I saw that!" Called Dean.

Castiel ignored him.  
He also tried to continue to ignore him when he heard someone walking out of the water and onto the shore. Walking towards his spot on the dirt. Sitting next to him. A wet arm grazing his dry skin and making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Hey." Said Dean.  
"Hello, Dean."

"You wanna go swimming?"  
"No."  
"Why not?"  
"Don't feel like it."

Dean went quiet for a while. Castiel tried to ignore the burning awareness of nerves tingling on his left side from where Dean was sitting next to him. He tried to keep his eyes glued to the page he was reading, but the black letters had morphed into messy ink blobs that Castiel couldn't make out.

His eyes disobeyed him and flicked over to the boy sitting next to him. His body shiny with water, and his boxers drenched. They stuck to his thighs. Every inch of his tan skin was dotted with brown sugar colored freckles. His sandy hair was plastered to his forehead and leaking with water down to the tip of his nose. It was hard for Castiel to peel his eyes away from his wet body and back to the white page.

"I'd really like it if you'd swim with me."

"What?" Castiel jumped slightly from the fear of being caught staring. He looked up though to see that Dean wasn't looking at him though. He was looking out to the others.

"I'd like it if you'd swim with me." He repeated, "but you don't have to.

Castiel wasn't even sure if the word had fallen out of his mouth when his lips moved to say, "Okay."

Dean turned to look at him and smiled, "Really?"

"I guess."

Dean smiled and stood up off the dirt, brushing his palms off and jerking his head towards the pond. Slowly, Castiel got up to follow him. He was trembling when the water tickled his feet.

Dean was already back wading with the others, and Castiel wanted to follow, but he couldn't move any farther than his knees. He sat down on the mucky sand under the water, and hugged his knees to his chest. He decided that he would pace himself. A little bit at a time. This water wasn't as scary as the ocean, he thought. At least there wasn't any huge waves threatening to crush him and pull him away. Here he could just sit and watch silver guppies swim around his toes and scatter away every time he moved one.

But Dean didn't seem to want him to stay there away from him for very long. For Dean swam back up to the mucky shore and said, "What're you doin'?"

Castiel shrugged.

"Can you swim, Cas?"

"No." Castiel lied.

He knew how to swim. He just didn't like to.

Castiel caught Gabriel glaring at him and Dean a few feet away while Sam was trying to get him to play Marco Polo. Balthazar and Benny weren't even paying much attention.

"I can help yah," Said Dean kindly, "you want me to help you swim?"

Castiel met his eyes, trying to attempt to pour out his feelings about swimming and the water and the darkness, but it didn't work. Deans soft hands wrapped around his own and he started pulling him out towards the deeper waters.

"C'mon, Cas," he said, "I got you."

Castiels lips moved to form the word but he hardly uttered it, "Okay."

Dean was holding his wrists and pulling him through the water, kicking his legs so that the two of them would move. Castiels chest felt tight and it was getting hard for him to breathe with his eyes locked onto the dark green water below them. His nails dug into Deans skin.

"Hey," said Dean, "look at me okay?"

So he did. He met Deans eyes, which were a much prettier green than the pond, and he didn't look away. When he looked into Deans eyes he didn't feel so scared about the water. With Deans hands wrapped around him, and his smiling eyes giving him comfort, he felt the anxiety floating away.

Castiel was laughing. He was swimming. He was swimming with Dean! Dean then stopped, and Castiels feet were brushing against open water. No ground under him. Just Deans hands holding him up. He was nervous at first, but Deans comforting gaze subsided his anxiety. For just a few moments there was no one else in the water. Just him and Dean.

"I'm gonna let you go now, Cas."  
"Okay."

He let go. Slowly.

"Just keep kickin' your feet-there you go!"

It had been many years since Castiel had last swam, and it differently wasn't a strong suit of his, but he was still able to keep himself afloat. For a moment though he scared himself by slipping under the water, jumped forward and latched himself onto Dean. His hands curling around his large arms, and his nose in the square of his chest. Dean was laughing.

Castiel looked up at him. "Sorry." he said quietly. "I-I got-"

"It's fine," Dean smiled, wrapping an arm around Castiels back, "I told you I got you."

They were quiet. But they didn't notice. Their wet skin touched, one of Castiels hands was panned over Deans bicep.  
Castiel found himself staring at Deans lips again. They looked so pink and soft. He wanted to run his fingers over them just to feel them. He wondered if they were as soft as they looked.

"Cas..." Deans voice was a whisper.

"Mmm..?"  
"You're staring at me."  
"I'm sorry." But Castiel didn't look away.

Deans pink lips parted into a smile, revealing his white straight teeth, "Cas...I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What?" He tilted his head towards his shoulder, gazing up at Dean now so he could see his whole face.

"You know at the diner-" but Dean didn't finish. His eyes suddenly went wide and he shoved Cas away. His hands shot under the water and he growled furiously, "Benny! God dammit!" He yelled at the green darkness.

"What happened?"  
"He took my damn shorts!"

Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but before he could a hand was wrapped around his ankle and he was pulled under. Water swooshed into his mouth and was swallowed, he choked. He thrashed and kicked at the water, everything was dark around him. The something that had wrapped around his ankle let go, and he floated to the surface again, but not for long.

He gasped for breath, his lungs stinging. His hands grasped for something to hold onto, but his fingers fell through the water. He coughed, and sputtered, swallowing more water.

"Cas! Cas!" Dean was yelling at him, but he didn't know where he was. He was coughing, water sloshing in his lungs every time he tried to gasp for air. Suddenly more voices were calling his name. He couldn't tell where they all were coming from but he could hear them yelling, "Castiel! Castiel! Castiel!"

His muscles were screaming. His legs flailing under the water. The water was splashing everywhere in front of him, stinging his eyes and blinding him.

A pair of arms wrapped around him, pinning his arms to their sides and started pulling him. Castiels nose burned. He heaved dry coughs. The arms dragged him until he felt his toes dragging against the sand. Once he was on the shore, he sat on his hands and knees and heaved. All the water that had been in his stomach now ended up on the sand. He rolled over on his back, the sand sticking on his wet body. He gasped like a fish, the air filling his lungs. Gabriel was sitting on his knees next to him. "You okay, Castiel?" He panted.

Castiel nodded.

"Cas, Cas!" Sam scrambled into the sand, "ohmygod, Cas! Are you okay? Geez I thought you were gonna drown!"

"Sam." Gabriels tone was hard.

"You're all right, Cassie," Balthazar was panting on the other side of him on all fours, "you're all right...you're all right..."

"What the hell, Benny?" Deans voice screamed. Castiel looked over to the side to see Dean standing with a towel around his waist, "What the hell was that for?"

"How was I supposed to know your boyfriend couldn't swim!"  
"I'm being serious, Benny! That was real fucked up for you to do."  
"Don't yell at me, Dean it was a mistake!"  
"Just because you didn't know he couldn't swim doesn't make it all right for you to do!"

Castiel wanted them to stop fighting. Dean and Benny were supposed to be best friends. They shouldn't be fighting about Castiel.  _They shouldn't be fighting. Shouldn't be fighting_...

"Why do you let him go to that school anyway?" His mother shrieked, "we should have just let him stay at Saint James! He liked it there! He had friends there! He wouldn't be coming home beaten half to death if you would have just-"

"He  _wanted_ to go to public school with his brothers!" Said Chuck, "Am I supposed to deny him that right?"

"Yes! If this so called right is interfering with his physical health! Didn't you see him when he came home today? He was practically a puddle of tears and blood! As for his brothers," his mother scoffed, "you've seen how  _they've_ turned out! You really want Castiel to turn out like them? Like Lucifer and Gabriel?"

"Why are you always  _picking_  on them? They're teenagers! You act as though they're prison escapees! There's nothing wrong with them!"  
"Well, Charles, there's something wrong with stuffing lubricated condoms into the cheerleaders lockers."  
"Again, they're  _teenage boys_! What do you want me to do?"  
"I want you to take Castiel out of that school! It's ruining him!"  
"They're  _your kids_ too, dear! I don't understand why you have to blame me for everything!"

Castiel sat with his arms hugging his knees. His back pressed against the wall of his bedroom door. He had come home that day from school with ripped jeans revealing a bloody knee, and a gash on his lip. His sweater and pants were filthy with dirt, and his textbooks and papers were crumbled and dusty. Two baseball players had approached him while he was on his way home from school. One of them held him up to the fence while the other knocked his books to the ground. They said that this was payback for what Gabriel did to their team captain. They then gave him a knee to the gut, and punch to the face, knocking him flat on the sidewalk where he tore his knee. They walked away laughing, and all Castiel could do was walk home by himself.

He cried into his knees as his parents screaming continued to pound against his brain. Every shriek, and scream struck like lightening. They were fighting because of him. Because of him.  _My fault. My fault. They shouldn't be fighting. My fault._

_Stop fighting._

He didn't realize he was yelling until Dean and Benny had turned to look at him.

"Stop fighting!" The words he was saying finally made it to his ears and brain, "Stop fighting! Stop it! Stop fighting because of me!"

"Castiel!" Gabriel growled, his fingernails were pinching his skin, "Castiel you need to _calm down_."

His lungs burned inside his chest with every heavy breathe he took. Silence clouded the air as Dean, Benny, Sam, Balthazar, and Gabriel, all stared at Castiel. This quiet little church mouse who had just screamed at the top of his lungs, and was glaring at the two friends with a twisted face. His mouth was pressed into a hard line, for he was clenching his teeth to hold back a sob that was tickling the back of his eyes. His red nose was wrinkled, and his eyes were narrowed. His fingers dug into the soft dirt under him, as though it were the last thing on earth to hold onto. Everyone just kept staring.

Until Dean spoke.

"Cas..." he said, "it's fine."

"We-we weren't fightin' 'cause of you, brother," said Benny softly, "I was just bein' stupid is all. We're good see? We're still friends."

Then as though to prove their point Benny and Dean both slung arms around each others shoulders.

"...don't cry, Cas." Sam whispered, "Please don't cry...everythings okay."

"I'm not crying." He barked, sniffing. He raked his arm across his eyes to push away any tears that might had managed to escape.

Balthazar got up and grabbed the towel his cousin had brought with him, draping it around Castiels shoulders. Gabriel rubbed the spot in between his brothers shoulder blades over the towel, whispering to him, "It's all right, Cas...everything's all right. I promise everything's fine. Nothings your fault you're just fine."

"Maybe we should go home." Said Balthazar quietly.

Everyone else silently agreed.

They packed up their things and prepared to leave. Except Dean couldn't find his underwear and his clothes had gotten soaking wet when Gabriel and Balthazar carried Cas to shore. So he was forced to have to walk around with a towel wrapped around his waist until they arrived home. He was still rather sore with Benny the entire walk.

"Hey...Cas..." Benny called to him as they walked down the sidewalk, "I..I'm real sorry for...you know. Dunking you under the water."

"It's fine." Said Castiel, but he didn't really mean it. He wanted to tell Benny that he wasn't allowed to call him Cas. But he didn't say anything more.

The walk home was much less talkative than the walk to the pond. Everyone was quiet. Until a black Chevy Impala pulled alongside the sidewalk and a man with a scruffy beard and dark eyes leaned out the drivers window. Dean muttered a curse word at the first glance he got of the dark metallic.

"Where the hell have you two been?" John Winchester said to Sam and Dean.

"We just went swimming, Dad." Said Sam, scratching the back of his head nervously, glancing to his friends with the corner of his eyes.

"Well get the hell in the car. We've got places to be, and I can't even leave you two alone for ten seconds without you wonderin' off! It would be nice to be told somethin' once in a while. We have to get your brother from Miss Kate so hurry the heck up. C'mon."

Sam started slowly padding to the Impala door, looking like a guilty puppy. He waved a sad hand of goodbye to his friends before slinking into the car and disappearing. John glared at his eldest when Dean didn't budge from his spot.

"Dean. Lose the towel. Get in the car."

"Uh..." Dean stared blankly up at his father. "I think I'm just gonna walk home."

"Dean. Car. Now."  
"Sir, I really don't think-"  
" _Dean_."

John Winchesters eyes were narrowed dangerously. It scared Castiel. He wrapped a hand tightly around Gabriels arm, pinching the skin with his nails. Gabriel didn't flinch, or tell him to knock it off. Like he knew exactly why Castiel was nervous.

Dean looked back to his friends, and then to his father. He let out a long sigh, shrugged his shoulders and said, "All right, sir. What ever you say. Lose the towel?"

"Lose it."  
"Yes, sir."

The white towel dropped to the hot pavement to pool around Deans ankles. Dean hardly batted an eye as he walked towards the other side of the Impala. Castiels face had never been so red.

He could now confirm that yes, in fact, every inch of Deans skin  _was_ covered in freckles.

As soon as he saw the pink flesh he looked away, eyes wide and concentrating on the bark of a tree. But he couldn't help but take another sneaky glance before Dean was covered by the Impala. Before he got in he gave a cocky smile to his friends, and a wave of goodbye.

"Nice tan line, Cowboy!" Benny hooted.

Dean raised his middle finger up at Benny in response..

"Get in the damn car, son!" John shouted from the front seat, his face looked redder than Castiels.

"Call you later, Cas!" Dean winked before ducking inside the car. The Impala was zooming away before he even got a chance to shut the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel stared to tear up. He liked this park. He didn't want to leave it forever. He could manage with going home early today, but not being able to come back again? He didn't get to enjoy it long enough.
> 
> "No!" He said. "No fair!"
> 
> "Castiel."
> 
> "Why do we have to? Why do we have to leave?"
> 
> "Because there's homosexuals here." She spat, grabbing a hold of his hand and pulling him to his feet, "you shouldn't be around people like them." She jerked her head towards the two men. Castiel looked to them, and the back to his mother.

Gabriel promised Castiel that he wouldn't tell their father what happened at the pond for the sake of Castiel keeping his friends. Castiel offered to go to the candy store and buy him whatever he liked in exchange, but Gabriel said no. He didn't need anything.

When Castiel took a shower that night he made sure to dig his nails into his scalp, getting all the yucky slimy feeling of the pond out of his hair. The warm water calmed him and made him forget all about the days events.

He couldn't help but worry about Dean slightly. He hadn't heard from him the remainder of the day, and Dean had said he would call him before he got into the Impala. He tried not to think about it too much, it was probably nothing. 

Castiel smiled at the tile wall in front of him as he reminisced on Deans cocky smile as he let the towel drop to the ground and got into the Impala buck naked.

He thought about the curves of Deans ass. It was pale compared to the rest of his body, but God, was it the hottest ass Cas had ever seen. He bit his lip as something warm pooled in the pit of his belly and his cock twitched.

With a slow shaky hand, Castiel reached down and grabbed it. His eyes squeezed shut and focusing on Deans ass. He pumped his hand back and forth slowly at first. Just thinking about Deans ass wasn't hot enough. He needed more. Something else.

Instead of his hand he pretended as though it were Deans hand. Dean was in the shower with him, standing behind him with one hand pressed against his abdomen and the other slowly stroking his dick. Castiels dick twitched in his hand again as he started to pump faster, his breath hitching in his throat. He rocked into his hand at the thought of Deans pearly white teeth scraping along his neck, his soft pink lips and tongue running along his pale skin. Dean would be rutting against him with his own erection, pressing against his thigh. Castiel gripped the shower curtain with his other hand before swallowing a cry as he felt the warmth rush out of him and down the shower drain. He panted, looking down at his mess.

He didn't exactly masturbate often. It was more of a thing he did when he absolutely had to. If he had known he was attracted to men before now he thinks he would have done it a lot more in the past. Of course...he didn't exactly know how gay sex worked. But the fantasy he had made up had made him quite aroused so he figured it worked somewhere along the lines like that. It made him feel good, so he must be doing something right.

He rinsed out the rest of the shampoo in his hair and turned off the water, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking back to his bedroom to change into his pajamas. He had just finished pulling on a pair of sweat pants and drying his hair when he heard his phone vibrating on his bed. He saw the caller ID name and his face lit up instantly, his hand swiping it and holding it to his ear.

"Hello, Dean!"

Deans laugh crackled, "Hey, Cas. Whats up."

_Oh, nothing. I wasn't thinking about you in the shower or anything._  "Nothing." Said Castiel, sitting down on his bed.

"You seemed really excited to have me call you."  
"Heh...I was sorta worried about you..."  
"Aw, gee, Cas, you make me all tingly when you say stuff like that." He teased.

"So, whats up?" Castiel changed the subject.

"Babysitting," Dean snorted.

"Seems like you're doing a swell job of it." Castiel snickered.  
"Hey, I am an excellent babysitter all right? Just ask Sam."

There was chatter in the background that sounded like Sam letting out an exclamation of disagreement. Dean told him to shut up. Then there was another voice, one that sounded younger and higher pitched.

"Is Adam there?" Cas asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, he is. Hey, Adam! Adam C'mere a second. Hang on I'll put you on speaker...say hi to Cas, Adam."

"Hi, Cas!" said Adam.

Castiel laughed, "Hello, Adam. Your brother has told me a lot about you."

"He talks about you too!" Said Adam, "he says your eyes are really pretty and-"

"Adam don't you have a cartoon to watch or something!" Dean suddenly yelled. Castiel giggled into his palm.

"Heh...sorry. I don't know what he's talkin' about. He must be thinkin' about uh Lisa or somethin' I dunno."

"I was not!" Castiel could hear Adam squeak. "Cas is your new friend with pretty blue eyes, you told me so!" Dean took the phone off speaker.

"Heh...kids."

Castiel just laughed into the phone.

"So what are you doing, Cas?" said Dean.

"Nothing really. Just getting ready for bed."

It was quiet on Deans end for a while. Castiel was about to add on to his previous comment to fill the silence when Dean finally said what had been bothering him.

"Are you...are you okay? After...what Benny did to you today?"

Castiels heart slightly skipped. "I'm fine, Dean. Just no more swimming for me. I'd much rather watch."

"Good. I mean-I'm glad you're okay."  
"Are you and Benny still friends?"  
"Of course, Cas. It was just stupid. It was a stupid thing and we're past it."  
"I didn't want you and Benny to not be friends anymore because of me."

"Cas..." Dean let out a long drown out sigh before continuing, "don't say stuff like that all right? What happened wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyones fault. Everything's fine now."

"Okay..." Castiel said, picking at the loose string in his blanket. "Dean...?"

"Yeah?"  
"What was it that you wanted to ask me earlier today? When we were in the water. You started saying something about what I said? What did you mean?"

Dean was very quiet on the other line for so long Castiel thought perhaps the line might have went dead, or Deans phone had died. "Dean?" He called.

He finally answered. "I gotta get Adam to bed, Cas. I'll talk to you later. All right?"

"Okay." Said Castiel, slightly disappointed, and a coil of anxiety formed in his stomach, "can we do something tomorrow maybe? I like hanging out with you, Dean. Even without Sam, or Benny, or Balthazar. Can we do that?"

"Maybe." Said Dean. His voice sounded different now. "I'll text you."

"Okay." said Castiel, feeling the anxiety crawl up his throat. It was weighing down his tongue, and made the word feel funny in his mouth. 

"Night, Cas."  
"Goodnight."

The line clicked dead.

Dean Winchester seemed to have the tendency to leave Castiel with more questions and curiosity after every conversation. Dean was mysterious like that he supposed. 

X

Castiel awoke the next morning expecting a text from Dean waiting to be answered on his phone. His heart sank slightly when there was nothing there besides a notification that Aunt Rachel had tagged him in some photos on Facebook.

He set his phone back face down on the side table and plowed his face into the pillow, going back to some well desired sleep.

He didn't wake back up until much later.

He woke to an empty bedroom. His brothers beds abandoned, and their blankets and sheets askew. The sun was peering at him through the window and heating his skin, making the back of his neck sweat slightly. He kicked off the blankets and sat up, rubbing at his eyes. He reached for his phone, telling himself that he was merely checking what time it was. His blood still turned sour when he saw his lock screen was empty of any messages from Dean. It was already twelve thirty.

Sulkily, Castiel got out of bed and shuffled downstairs. He could hear his father cooking lunch in the kitchen.

"Well, good morning, sunshine!" Lucifer greeted with a beaming smile when Castiel reached the bottom of the stairs, "it's about time you decided to roll out of bed."

"We were starting to think perhaps you died," chirped Gabriel, "this is the longest you've slept since we got here. We were trying to get Mike to call the morgue."

"You think he's joking, but he isn't." Said Micheal.

Castiel just grumbled and sat down on the couch with his siblings, ignoring their usual pestering and teasing.

"Whoa," Lucifer whistled lowly, "someones grumpy today, eh, Gabe? Your boyfriend not call you last night, Cassie?"

"Nah, can't be that," added Gabriel, "I heard them talking last night."

"Really?" Anna suddenly piped up from the chair closest to the TV where she had been sitting curled up and glued to her cellphone, "you were talking to Dean again, Cas?"

"They're practically an item now, don't you think Ann?" Gabriel nodded to himself, smirking, "It's so adorable its disgusting. Those two are glued at the hip. I've never met someone who liked Cas so much. Like really. Whats so interesting about Cas _? I_ haven't the slightest idea."

"Yeah," agreed Lucifer, "then again, he is our baby brother. Mike and I didn't think you were very interesting either."

"You should have just stopped at disgusting." muttered Micheal.

Anna slapped him with a rolled up magazine. "Oh, stop it." She scolded, "you know better than that, Micheal. Castiel isn't like that! He and Dean are just friends. Lucifer and Gabriel are just teasing him."

"It's still a disgusting thought." He mumbled.

"Aw, c'mon, Mike," Lucifer slugged his arm playfully, "have a sense of humor! Its funny 'cause it's Castiel! Never in a million years could Castiel fall for some guy.  _C'mon, Micheal._  That's ridiculous. Castiel?  _Gay_? Never! Right, Cas?"

They all turned to him. Waiting for his reply.

"Yeah." He said as quickly as he could so it wouldn't seem odd that he was hesitating, "never."

"I guess you're right," Micheal grumbled, swiping the magazine Anna had hit him with to read, "I was over reacting wasn't I?"

Something ugly curled in the pit of Castiels stomach. Licking at his insides like a nasty poison that was starting to slowly burn him from the inside out. He tried to ignore it by watching the movie that was playing the the television.

"Lunch is ready!" Samandriel sang from the kitchen, leaning out of the kitchen doorway to yell to his siblings. Everyone all at once imminently scrambled to be the first ones to the food. Castiel was the last one up. Grumpily shuffling after them.

His siblings were all surrounding the island table. A large bowl of macaroni and cheese sat in the middle, apple slices and bananas that Samandriel had got to cut up himself laid out next to it. Paper plates waited to be picked up on the corner of the table. Everyone surrounded the island, scooping handfuls of macaroni and cheese onto their plates. Micheal fussed when Gabriel tried to scoop it with his hands. Samandriel wailed about how Anna had taken too much, pointing to her plate stacked about a mile high with the cheesy pasta. Lucifer was shoving more of the fruit into his mouth than what was on his plate already.

Castiel just rolled his eyes. He wasn't very hungry.

He got a bottle of water out the fridge before walking back out into the living room to get away from the chaos.

He didn't know why he was so annoyed. He just wanted to do something with Dean he supposed. And being in a house full of loud siblings just made him miss Deans company even more. He thought about hurrying upstairs to go check on his phone. Perhaps Dean had just messaged him, but Castiel didn't know because he had left his phone in his bedroom. Maybe Dean had a plan for his and Castiels day. Maybe he would take him to go see the set up for the fair again. Or to the park. Or to get ice creams. The thought of doing any or all these things with Dean made Castiel giddy. He hoped that maybe this fantasy wasn't too far off to be a reality.

"Whats the matter, Cas?" Samandriels voice pulled him back. He turned to see his little brother leaning over the back of the couch, his stomach squished against it as he tilted his head to look at his older brothers face.

"Nothing." Castiel answered imminently.

"Nuh, uh," he said, "somethings the matter I can tell. You look upset. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Samandriel."  
"I heard you talking to Dean on the phone yesterday. You didn't really seem happy when he hung up. Are you in a fight?"  
"What? No, Sam. We're- _I'm_ -I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Okay." Samandriel said slowly, leaning back on the balls of his feet. "Are you sick?"

"No."  
"You sure? You look a lil' pale."

"He's  _always_ pale." Lucifer interrupted.

"Well, you look pale-er than usual." Said Samandriel matter-of-factually.

"I told you I'm fine."  
"I'm just sayin'...Gee."

"Aw, don't bother him, Samandriel," Said Gabriel, swaggering over to the other side of the couch, "he's just sore 'cause his boy toy don't want to hang out with him."

"So you  _are_ fighting with Dean!" Samandriel gasped, "what happened? Are you guys not friends anymore?"

"Samandriel!" Castiel got to his feet. He had about enough of everyone in this house already and he had just woken up a few minutes ago. He was quite irritated with just about everything now. Dean was right everyone does seem a little 'nutso' about them being 'together'. In however sense you put it. "I told you I'm fine! I'm not fighting with Dean or anyone! I'm not sick! Dean is still my friend! And I'm not  _that_  pale! Can't everyone just leave me alone for ten seconds! Christ!"

"Castiel Shurley!" Chuck shouted at him from the kitchen. He was standing in the doorway with a dark glare on his face.

Samandriels mouth formed into a little 'o' as he brought his fingers to his lips and whispered, " _ooo_...you said the 'C' word..."

Castiel glared at him for a moment, huffing under his breath before turning to look at his father.

"You know we don't use that kind of language in our house, Castiel." Said Chuck, "And you definitely don't talk to your little brother like that. Apologize to him."

"Sorry, Samandriel." Castiel said hardly without looking at him.

"Can't you just  _feel_ the love." Gabriel commented sarcastically.

"Shut up, Gabriel." Castiel hissed, picking up a couch pillow and chucking it at his brothers head.

" _Castiel!"_ Chuck barked, "What on earth has gotten into you today?"

Castiel didn't respond. Without even a glance at his family he stormed back up the stairs and slammed the door to his bedroom. Chuck shouted up the stairs after him, "You can join us when you stop having an attitude then, Castiel!"

Castiel growled and bit his pillow to keep from screaming. His whole body was feeling like white hot spikes were prickling against his skin. He just wanted to get out. Part of him knew it wasn't really his family that was bothering him, but he was still irritated with them. Especially Micheals comment about being homosexual. Or Annas and Lucifers for that matter. What did they mean by ' _Castiel isn't like that!'_ and ' _Castiel would never_!' He had half a nerve to march right down there and tell them that he was in fact gay for their information. Thank you very much.

It felt like they didn't even know him.

He wondered what they would even say if he did tell them. Micheal and Lucifer obviously wouldn't approve. He wasn't sure about Anna or Gabriel. He liked to think that they would be supportive, but he wasn't entirely sure. He didn't know how long he could keep this secret to himself. He never kept secrets from Gabriel, even big ones like this. Perhaps he would tell Gabriel one day. He would tell him first he already knew that. He wasn't good at keeping things hidden for a long time like this unless he told at least one person. That person was usually Gabriel. He was better at keeping secrets.

Castiel then decided that maybe it was best for him to just leave the house for a while.

He lept out of bed and threw on clean clothes and flip flops, grabbing his backpack that he had brought with him and tossing in his sunscreen and books before jerking open the window and crawling out of it. He hooked his foot into the fence against the house, taking a shaky breath. He wondered how Dean did stuff like this all the time without being afraid.

He slowly and steadily made his way down the fence, his books in his bag slamming against his back when he slipped. His fingers wrapped painfully tight around the fence when he did, instantly regretting his choice of foot-wear. He opened one eye to look down at the grass below him. Dean wasn't there to catch him this time. Taking another breath, he continued his way down. He didn't start breathing normally again until his feet were planted firmly on the ground.

Once the sensation of long grass tickled his ankles and toes, he grinned to himself.

He took off towards the woods behind the house.

He clutched tightly to the strap of his backpack as he wondered the woods. He stared up at the canopy's of the trees, and listened to the sounds of nature. Birds twittered to each other, frogs croaked, and bugs chirped. As soon as Castiel was away from everyone else his head felt so clear. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and took a long wiff of the still clean air.

He walked until he could see the back of Bennys house.

_This must be the way Benny and Dean were running from that other night._

He walked around Bennys house to find the two cats sleeping in the same places they had been the other day when Castiel visited here. Their ears twitched when they heard his flip flops crunching against the pebbles of the driveway, but they didn't perk up to look at him.

He walked down the driveway and past the family diner that was still alive with loud music and people. He thought about stopping inside for a moment and asking for a pop, but then remembered that he had no money. He wasn't exactly good friends with Benny so it would've been rude to just expect to be given one for free.

He walked on.

He walked past Alistairs house. Past the alleyway were he and Dean jumped the fence. He walked until he came to a little park that he vaguely remembered playing in with Balthazar during his childhood.

He sat down on a bench and pulled out his book. It had gotten a little waterlogged yesterday when his brother and Balthazar pulled him out of the pond, but it would be all right. He would just have to be careful with it.

There was hardly anyone at the park that day. Just a little girl playing in the sandbox and her mother sitting at another bench.

A memory came swirling back into Castiels mind when he looked at that sandbox.

He and Balthazar were playing with yellow toy digger trucks. Their mothers were sitting at the bench not far away from them, chatting away about nothing. Castiel must had been around six.

He was busying himself with building a fortress for his Superman action figure. Balthazar was helping him, but mostly he was just playing with the sand and the sieve. He vividly remembered Balthazar chatting away about his friends at school or something of the sort. He remembered Balthazar saying something about how happy he was that Raphael was put in the same class as he was.

"I got to have my brother in a class with me!" He had said, "'cause we're the same age. 'cept if I get in trouble he always runs home and tells mummy. That's the only bad part."

"Wow," Castiel had said, "it must be so much fun to have a brother the same age of you, and gets to be in the same class. Then you always have someone to play with! Then someone has to be your friend 'cause you have your brother."

Balthazar nodded, jiggling the sieve back in forth over the ever growing pile of sand. "That's what all my friends say too."

"Aw, lookat that baby!" Anna suddenly squealed excitedly. When she was younger she was fascinated with babies. then Samandriel was born and she wasn't so keen on them as much anymore.

She was pointing to a baby in a stroller being pushed by a man with another man walking beside him. In which he was holding hands with. Anna was sitting on the seesaw with Naomi. Gabriel was laying across it on his stomach, pushing off the ground with his feet every time Naomis side would go down to help her push Annas side down. When Anna saw the baby he looked over too and smiled.

"Aw! That is a cute baby. Mom look!"

Aunt Rachel and their mother looked over to appease the children. Aunt Rachel agreed with them that yes, that baby was in fact cute. But Mrs. Shurley didn't comment on the baby.

The two men seemed to realize that the youngsters on the playground were cooing over their child, and they both flashed toothy smiles their way before continuing their walk.

Castiels mother glared at the babys parents the entire time.

When they were out of earshot she whipped around and announced that she was leaving.

"But we just got here-" Aunt Rachel began, looking confused, "thats not fair to the children."

"I don't care," She huffed, "I don't want to be in the same park at those homosexuals, Rachel. The nerve of them! Who do they think they are?"

"It's not the big of a deal-"  
"Just help me get the kids." She snapped.

Aunt Rachel faltered and slowly got up to call Raphael off the monkey bars. Mrs. Shurley grabbed Anna and Gabriel off the seesaw and started dragging them off to the car.

"We don't wanna go yet, mom!" whined Gabriel, struggling against her grip, "you said we could stay for a half hour!"

"We're not staying, Gabriel."  
"But why?"

Castiel didn't hear her answer him. Aunt Rachel was carrying Naomi in her arms and holding Raphaels hand on her way to the car. Castiel saw that her face looked a bit sad. But not the crying sort of sad. He wasn't sure what was making his mother so mad and what was making his Aunt so sad. He looked to Balthazar for help.

"Whats the matter with them?" He asked.

Balthazar shrugged. "Dunno. Your mum seemed mad when she saw those two guys."

"Why would that make her mad?"

He shrugged again.

Mrs. Shurley came up to grab Castiel.

"Cassie we're leaving."  
"But why?"  
"Don't ask lets just go."

"Is it because of those two guys?" Castiel pointed to their backs, "Why were they holding hands, mommy?"

Aunt Rachel appeared at the other side of her and offered her hand for Balthazar to take. He got up, brushed the sand off his shorts and took it. She helped him collect the toys from the sandbox.

"Lets just go, Castiel." Mrs. Shurley repeated.  
"Why are you so mad, mom?"  
"I'm not mad."  
"Yes you are."  
"Castiel don't argue with me. We have to go. I'm not letting you come back to this park again."

Castiel stared to tear up. He liked this park. He didn't want to leave it forever. He could manage with going home early today, but not being able to come back again? He didn't get to enjoy it long enough.

"No!" He said. "No fair!"

" _Castiel_."

"Why do we have to? Why do we have to leave?"

"Because there's homosexuals here." She spat, grabbing a hold of his hand and pulling him to his feet, "you shouldn't be around people like  _them."_  She jerked her head towards the two men who had now become distracted by the scene. They were staring back at Castiels family, whispering to each other behind their hands.

Castiel looked to them, and then back to his mother.

She pulled him towards the car and the whole time Castiel cried to himself. Balthazar and Aunt Rachel followed them, carrying the toys from the sandbox. And before being placed in separate cars Balthazar announced that he had forgotten to grab Castiels Superman doll. Castiel begged to run back to get it, but his mother told them that it was too late now. Aunt Rachel didn't argue with her. She looked like she was going to cry too.

Castiel remembered snorting into his palm on the way home as he cried in his booster seat. Gabriel and Anna did their best to cheer him up. Gabriel told him that he promised he would let him pick out any superhero action figure he wanted from his toy box when they got home to Illinois. Anna told him that maybe he could ask Santa for another one when Christmas came around.

His mother didn't apologize.

Castiel realized that he had been staring at the same paragraph in his book for almost an hour now. The clouds above his head were turning gray and swirling with the threats of rain. He blinked up at them before turning back to see that the mother and the daughter who had been playing in the sandbox had long disappeared.

When Castiel started heading back home he seemed to realize where Lucifer and Micheal seemed to get that homophobia thing from. He also realized why it took him until now to accept who he was.

X

By the time he walked in the front door of his house he was soaked. Micheal, Lucifer, and his father were all downstairs at the time. Chuck frowned at him when he arrived.

"You left?"

Castiel shrugged.

"Castiel what on earth-you're soaking wet! You're going to get sick!"

"It's fine."  
"It most certainly isn't fine!" Chuck got to his feet, "What were you thinking?! You can't just go sneaking around like that! In a neighborhood that you're not familiar with nonetheless! You could have gotten lost-or kidnapped! And I wouldn't have known-"

"I'm fine, Dad." Castiel said.

His fathers eyes narrowed dangerously. The shouting had attracted a curious Samandriel and Gabriel,who had been upstairs and were now cowering by the staircase, peering down to watch with wide eyes and their hands pressed against the bars of the banister.

"Castiel, I've about had it with your attitude today. I don't know whats going on with you, but you have no right to be acting like this. You're grounded."

There was a collective gasp around the room from Castiels brothers.

"Castiels grounded?" Lucifer whispered, looking to Micheal.

"When has that ever happened?" Added Micheal.

" _Never_." Said Gabriel.

"Whats going on?" Annas voice rang from upstairs, unable to hold back her curiosity it seemed. She was shushed by Gabriel and Samandriel. "What?" She whispered, crouching down next to them.

"Cas got grounded." Samandriel told her.  
"What?!"  
"Shhh!"

"Grounded?" Repeated Castiel.  
"Grounded. No T.V, and no friends until I say so."

Castiel frowned at Chuck for a moment before storming away up the stairs for the second time that day. He didn't even look at Gabriel when he gave him a thumbs up of approval.

"You two!" Chuck scolded Samandriel and Gabriel, "why didn't you notice he was gone from your bedroom?"

"We thought he was down here!" They defended.

Castiel closed the door behind him, stripping himself of his wet clothes and putting on fresh ones. He saw his cell phone sitting abandoned on the nightstand. He pressed the home button.

No new messages.

X

Castiels phone was buzzing horribly on his bedside table. He reached over to see that they were all messages from Dean. He read them, a worrying crease furrowing on his forehead the more he read.

'Hey Cas'  
'Cas I really need to talk to you'  
'Cas wake up please'  
'Castiel'  
'Castiel can I come over please? I know it's late but I really need to get out of here'

He instantly forgot to be angry with Dean as soon as he saw the name light up on the screen. Earlier he had been frustrated because Dean had said that he would text him later and perhaps plan a day together. He had not talked to Cas all day, and Castiel was so angry he wasn't even sure if he wanted Dean to talk to him anyway. This had been a lie of course.

Besides, how could he be mad at Dean now? He needed him. He couldn't ignore a cry for help.

Cas did his best to respond as quickly as he could, his thumbs dancing across the screen as fast as he could make them go.

'Of course you can come over Dean,' he wrote, 'whats wrong?'

It didn't take Dean long to text back, 'I'll tell you when I get there. I'm bringing the Impala. Be there in a few.'

'Okay.'

Castiel tossed his phone back on the bedside table, and leapt out of bed. He tore off his pajamas and switched them for a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. He scrambled to find his socks, wiggling under his bed to reach a missing pair that had some how found its way under there. He then quickly but quietly, scampered down the hall to the stairs. He only walked on his tip toes down the steps, keeping his knees crouched up towards his chest as he carefully made his way to the foyer. He found his tennis shoes laying by the front door and pulled them on quickly as he heard a cars engine in the distance. He had to tie the laces as he ran back up to his bedroom, nearly falling on his face once or twice in the process.

By the time he got back to his room Dean texted him once; 'here' it said.

Castiel texted him back, 'Are you coming inside?'

'Nope. Waiting for you'  
'I have to climb out the window.'  
'wait what?!'  
'My dad might hear if I go out the front. Park the car a little ways down the road some more so its not so loud.'

Cas then stuffed his phone in his back pocket and jimmied open the window. He felt his phone vibrate against his butt, but he didn't look at Deans reply. He ducked out the window and dug his foot into the fence against the house. He pulled the window down with a great difficulty given he could only use one hand, and left it open just a crack at the bottom so he could climb back inside later.

He then began climbing down the side of the house.  
It was much easier than climbing the chain link fence. Especially since this was the second time he was doing this in one day.

Once his feet were planted firmly back on the ground, he took off running across the grass. When he got to the sidewalk he spotted the Impalas headlights a little ways down the street like Castiel had told Dean to do. He grinned, heart pumping with excitement. He started running again.

The cold breeze, the round moon shining like a giant oysters pearl in the sky, and the night clouds folding over it every so often, the twinkling of fireflies and the quietness of the night. It was all just enough to make a sort of fresh, and adventure-like feeling swell in Castiels heart. He ran to the passenger side of the Impala and got inside. Dean just looked at the road ahead of them and asked, "you ready?"

"Hell yes." Castiel couldn't stop smiling.

"Awesome." Dean put the car in drive and revved the engine before taking off down the road. ACDC screaming at them from the radio.

A car ride with Dean late at night wasn't turning out what Castiel fantasized about. Dean wasn't talking to him. He seemed angry. He didn't seem to have any injuries on his face so Castiel figured that was a good sign.

Castiel decided this silence was too defining.

"I got grounded today." He spoke to the window.

"What?" Said Dean.

"I got grounded. My Dad was really mad at me too."

"Well, what the hell, Cas, I don't wanna get you in more trouble!"

"It's okay," Castiel smiled at him, "I wanted to come."

Dean grumbled under his breath something that was inaudible to Cas. Dean didn't seem to be in the mood to talk. But if he hadn't wanted someone to talk to why did he seem so frantic about Castiel coming here and being there for him? Castiel tried to get him to talk again.

"Everything all right, Dean?"

Dean chuckled darkly, "When is anything all right, Cas."

"If you're going to be like this why did you invite me." He frowned.

Dean seemed surprised at his retort, his eyebrows raising as he turned to look at Castiel sitting in the passenger seat. "Sorry." He said. Though it didn't really sound like he meant it.

"Tell me whats wrong. Did something-"

"Dude," Dean held up a hand, frowning at the road ahead of them, "I don't  _do_  chick flick moments."

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and propped his feet up on the dashboard. "All right. Be like that then."

"Well, what the hell is your deal?" Dean snarked, "What'd I do to you?"

Castiel went silent, glaring out the window next to him. He thought he would be happy to be able to hang out with Dean finally today, but he didn't want to be with Dean when he was being like this. Perhaps it was only because Castiel was in a bad mood as well. The white hot needles were prickling at his skin again as he rethought the events that had taken place today.

All his life it seemed that people were trying to tell him who he should be, and who he should like, and what he should like. It had taken him this long to realize, and he had only just begun to open his eyes to the type of world he was living in.

_Maybe I'm not gay_ , he said to himself,  _maybe I'm just_...

He turned to look at the driver next to him. An attempt to convince himself that he wasn't gay after all.

_Fuck_. He thought.

He liked Dean. He liked him a lot. He liked him even when he was frustrated with him. He liked him even when he was being irritable for no reason, and won't tell him whats wrong. No matter how much he wanted to  _dislike_  Dean at that moment he couldn't bring himself to do it. He really, really, liked this boy. And he was in trouble.

"Now, don't go all silent on me, Cas!" Dean barked, his temper raising, "Don't treat me like-like I'm Lucifer or-one of your other brothers or somethin' all right? I didn't do nothin'. I don't know why you're suddenly so pissed at me for. And get your feet off the dash."

Castiel stomped his feet down on the car floor. "Well, I don't know what you're so pissed at  _me_ for. I thought you wanted me to come along to cheer you up, not so you've got someone to take your anger out on! I'm not the one you're ornery with, Dean. I try to figure out whats wrong to make you feel better, and you push me away! Friends don't do that, Dean. You know, you aren't the only one who gets to have bad days all right?"

Dean stared opened mouthed at Castiel for so long Cas was afraid they would eventually swerve off the road and crash into a tree. Instead, Dean pulled to the side of the road and put the car in park. He twisted the key and the car went dead. The screaming of the song and the hum of the engine all went silent. Dean twisted in his seat, his arm wrapped around the head of the seat and his hand still holding onto the leather steering wheel. His green eyes practically glowed in the night.

"What?" He said finally.

"You know what," Castiel faced away from him, "never mind."

"Dude, seriously?!"

Castiel watched his face scrunch up in the reflection of the window, as he mocked Deans voice, "Yes _, dude_ , seriously."

"Fuckin'..." Dean growled, "fuckin'...you know what? Fine. Go ahead and have your chick flick moment 'cause I'm not gonna put up with drivin' your ass around when you're all moody like this. So go ahead. Talk to me. Why was your day so bad?"

Castiel thought for a moment of not telling him anything at all, but the moment he turned to look at Dean again it all started coming up like vomit. He really couldn't keep himself quite around Dean.

"I was waiting around all day for you to text me so I could do something with you and get out of my house, but you didn't. You didn't even say 'hey, Cas whats up?' nothing. And my family was just annoying the hell out of me today and I had to leave so I snuck out of my window and ran to-ran to this stupid park that my mom used to take me to-" his voice hitched as the memories started to come flooding back to him. It was worse having to say it out loud now. His eyes stung, but he refused to cry in front of Dean, "and then it started raining and I was soaked and my Dad grounded me and everyone was all-'oh, Castiel  _never_  gets grounded!' Like it's some impossible theory that could never happen-and I just-I just wanted to talk to you, Dean. And when you finally asked me to come along with you for a car ride I got so happy and excited that I was finally going to be able to hang out with you today and just be happy but it turns out you're just as much as a grump as I am, and this isn't fun at all!"

Castiel panted slightly once he was finished from talking so long. He and Dean stared at each other for a long time. Not even the crickets or frogs croaked, nor did the fireflies twinkle around the car. Everything just seemed to disappear.

Until Dean shifted back into his seat and revved the engine back up, the ACDC song starting back up where it had left off moments before.

"You're not going to say anything?" Castiel huffed.

"I'm takin' you to that park," said Dean, "I wanna see it."

"What?"

"You wanna have fun? Fine. We'll have fun. Wheres that park at?"


	7. Here's To You Mrs. Shurley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why didn't you stop her?" He screamed. His voice echoed around the neighborhood, bouncing off the quiet houses still housing sleeping families.
> 
> "I..." Castiels voice caught in his throat. He wasn't able to finish. He spun on his heel to run back inside the warm house and ran right into Lucifers chest. Anna was beside him.
> 
> "Get out of the way, Castiel!" She screeched, "Move it!"
> 
> Lucifer practically threw him into the wall in a hurry to get outside to Micheal.

They hardly talked the entire drive to the park Castiel had just been to hours before. When Castiel described it to him, Dean knew exactly which one he was talking about. Adam and Sam liked to go to that park too.

By the time they got there both of their tempers had simmered down to a level head.

The Impalas yellow headlights made the park glow like an eerie movie set as they pulled up into a parking space. Swirling dark clouds threatening rain above them were being pushed by the wind over and around the moon, dimming the only light they had once the Impala was turned off.

They walked through the wet grass and to the swing set. Dean sat down on one, and Castiel sat next to him. He imminently started swinging back and forth slowly. Dean watched him.

"So what was it about this park that got you so upset?" Dean asked him.

Castiels heart skipped a beat as he thought about telling him the whole truth. But he didn't. "Something...just happened here when I was younger...I've just been realizing the truth about my family recently I guess."

Dean nodded slowly, still watching Castiel swing back and forth, pumping his legs slightly, and dragging his feet on the sand under them that had already been grooved into a slight hole from the years of being weathered down by childrens feet.

"But what about you, Dean?" asked Cas, "what happened to you today? Why was it so important that I come along with you?"

Dean sighed, he started to swing too. He backed up as far as the chains of the swing would let him and he pushed off. He let the swing take him back and forth for a few before tipping the toes of his shoes into the sand to slow him down. "I told my dad that I was bi today."

"What?" Castiels eyes grew wide.

"Yeah," Deans lip tugged a smirk, "he wasn't really mad or anything. He just got really quiet. I dunno...I was playing with Adam and Sam in the living room and my dad was watching T.V. and he made some comment about bisexuals and homosexuals and I dunno it-it just came out. I just straight out told him; 'hey, dad, you know I'm bi.' He then stared at me for a long time like he expected me to start laughing and tell him I was just kidding. Then he realized I wasn't joking and just got really quiet. Sams known of course. He's known even before I knew. God, Sammy knows friggin' everything. Adam of course had no idea what we were talking about and asked me what being bi meant. So I told him. My dad got mad after that. He told me I wasn't allowed to play with Adam anymore today and I had to go to my room. So I did. I slammed the door and made a big scene of it. Who was he to say that I wasn't allowed to play with my own baby brother? Just 'cause I told him I was bi? It was so stupid, Cas. I dunno." His eyes were glaring at the bench in front of them, letting out a slow quivering breath. Like he was about to cry, but wasn't allowing himself to. "I snuck out and ran to Bennys first chance I got. Stayed there until Sam called me and told me that Dad was gone and Adam was cryin' and he didn't know what to do. I went home, took care of 'em, and put them to bed. I couldn't stand bein' in that house for long yah know? I was still pissed. I needed to get out. So I took the Impala and picked you up. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you all day, buddy. I really am."

Castiel looked down at his feet, drawing circles in the sand with his toes. "It's fine." he said, "I really shouldn't have been so mad. It was irrational of me to behave like that just because you wouldn't talk to me. I'm sorry your dad reacted like that."

"Eh," Dean drew his head up towards the sky, rolling a shoulder, "it's fine. I'm already over it."

The crickets, and frogs, and fireflies started to come to life again. The lighting bugs buzzed around Dean and Castiel, their tail ends blinking in the darkness. The air felt cool on Castiels skin. A slight breeze tickled his face, and he closed his eyes, leaning towards it as though it were a soothing hand caressing him.

Everything was calm for a few moments.

"Cas."

"Hmm?"

"Do you...do you miss your mom?"

"...of course I do. Do you miss yours?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"...How did...how did she..."

"There was a fire. She didn't get out in time."

"Oh...I'm sorry, Dean."

"It's all right. I was only four when it happened...what happened to your mom? "

This was the first time anyone had ever asked Castiel what had happened to his mom. No one ever talked about her in front of him really. Like she was some big secret that wasn't supposed to be talked about unless they did it in hushed voices in a corner far away. Castiel didn't really mind it at first. He didn't really want to talk about his mother leaving. He would rather think about how kind and funny she was rather than the bad things. He just wanted to think of good things.

But for some reason, when Dean talked to him; he just couldn't stop the words from coming up.

Castiel had went silent for a while and Dean seemed to get uneasy about his question. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said quickly, "I just-"

Castiel cut him off.

"She...she left. She left a few months ago. It was a Sunday morning..."

Castiel could remember it was Sunday. The family hardly went to church anymore, because weekends had ended up being filled with sports and Castiels piano concerts, but every once in awhile Mrs. Shurley would come into Castiels room and sit on the edge of his bed, combing her fingers through his dark hair until he woke up, and she would ask him if he would like to go. He always said yes. Then they would round up everyone else and pile into the car and those days ended up being Castiel's favorites because it seemed that no one fought on those days. Those days seemed to hold extra laughter and happiness than any other day of the week.

She didn't wake him that morning.

Castiel woke up on his own. The sun was just starting to take its place in the sky. It was cold out, and he wrapped himself tighter in the blankets before blinking open his sleep filled eyes to see the flurries of falling snow outside his window. He yawned and turned over in his bed to go back to sleep when he noticed that his bedroom door was open.

He stared at it confused for a moment.

He checked the date on his phone to make sure it was the day he thought it was. It was indeed Sunday. There wasn't anything particularly special going on that day, so he was expecting his mother to take them to church. But it seemed as though she had already been into his room, and had not woken him.

Something twisted inside Castiel. Something wasn't right. It didn't feel right.

When he swung his feet over his bed and had them land on the floor a horrible chill ran up his spine. Something had gone very wrong.

Castiel walked out of his room into a deathly quite hallway. He was walking towards the staircase at the end of the hall when he crossed his parents bedroom. The door was wide open and his head just seemed drawn to look inside, as though the rest of his body already knew something that his brain didn't.

The bed was a mess. Pillows and blankets thrown all around the room. The dresser drawers were all open and some seemed to had been yanked out in such a haste that they had fallen to the floor. The contents inside of them had disappeared.

Castiels heart was hammering now, his hands trembling at his sides as he ran to his fathers office to see Chuck hunched over his computer. He was sobbing with his hands clasped in his hair and his elbows pressed against the desk. His books and paper work had all been shoved to the ground and were laying scattered all over the carpet.

His eyes went wide as his fear for the worse grew stronger. He knew what must have had happened, but he didn't want to believe it.

He whirled down the stair steps, nearly tripping and summer salting down to the foyer. He didn't know if she was still home, if she was already gone, or even where exactly he was going, but he still ran. His bare feet smacked against the hard wood floors up until he came to the front door where he pushed a million stray shoes out of the way to tear the door open. He was just able to catch her stepping off the porch with her last suitcase.

She was wearing her soft warm winter coat that smelled like peppermint. It was purple and she had gotten it for Christmas. Her hair was falling down her back in soft waves, a few of the snow flurries had gotten trapped in her locks. Her pale hands were gripping tightly onto her last pieces of luggage. Her knuckles blushed lightly red. Her boots had left tracks in the snow from the path she had taken back and forth from the porch to her car.

Everything was frozen in that moment. Castiel couldn't even feel the burning cold on the bottom of his feet, or the cold tears leaking his face. His chest was too tight, and it was all too difficult to accept that it was reality. It couldn't be real. This had to be a dream.

"Where are you going, mom?" He hadn't even realized how quickly the sentence left him. It was immediate. As soon as he stepped out onto the porch it fell out of his mouth as though it were rehearsed. As though it was the same as asking her if she was heading to the store.

She froze when his voice filled the air. She didn't answer him. She didn't look at him. She was so still Castiel wasn't even sure if she had been breathing.

He spoke again. His voice thick now from choking back sobs. "Mom...what are you doing?"

She turned around then. snow crunched under her boots. Her cheeks were red from the cold and her eyes seemed glassy. But her face was stone. It was difficult for Castiel to read her emotions, and it made him more upset.

She leaned forward and took his hand. Her long fine red painted nails grazing across his skin. She pressed her lips to his forehead. They were warm, but sticky with last nights lipstick. She pressed her palm against his cheek one last time before straightening back up. Cas wrapped his hand around her wrist as an anchor of making her stay.

She said to him as quietly as possible, "Goodbye, Castiel."

Slowly, her wrist slid out of his grasp.

Castiel shook his head in refusal. "Mommy..." the word slipped, "Mommy please..." His eyes became too bleary with tears at that point to even watch her go. He could hear her boots crunching away into the snow and to the driveway. The car door opened and slammed shut. The engine roared to life.

Someone was thundering across the living room and out to the porch at this time. Slamming into the back of Castiel. He looked up to see Micheal.

"Wait!" He screamed at their mother, pushing his brother aside and sprinting out to the car, "Wait! Mom, please! Wait!" He chased her to the end of the driveway. He would have chased her the end of the street maybe, if he wasn't barefoot. When the car disappeared from view down the street Micheal spun back around and glared at Castiel.

"Why didn't you stop her?" He screamed. His voice echoed around the neighborhood, bouncing off the quiet houses still housing sleeping families.

"I..." Castiels voice caught in his throat. He wasn't able to finish. He spun on his heel to run back inside the warm house and ran right into Lucifers chest. Anna was beside him.

"Get out of the way, Castiel!" She screeched, "Move it!"

Lucifer practically threw him into the wall in a hurry to get outside to Micheal.

Once they had gone Castiel rubbed his face with his shirt sleeve. Slowly padding towards the staircase where Gabriel was standing at the bottom step with his arms hooked around the banister. He was leaning to the side slightly. As though he was trying to peer outside the front door without actually having to move. Castiel took a step on the stair case and Gabriel asked in his smallest voice, "Is she really gone?"

"Yes."

Gabriel went very quiet. The quietest Castiel had ever seen him be. His face turned twisted, and Castiel thought perhaps he was trying his best to not cry in front of his little brother. He glared at the open porch and hissed, "Good riddance." before storming back upstairs where the slam of his bedroom door rang around the house.

He checked on Samandriel before going into his room. His younger brother was still sleeping peacefully. A part of him was glad, while another part of him was slightly jealous. He wished that Samandriel could just sleep for the rest of his life in order to not find out about what just happened. He didn't want to be there when someone told him about what had just taken place. Castiel was afraid it would kill him.

He fell onto his bed and cried until Lucifer came in and told him to grow a pair, crying wasn't going to get their mother back. But he was crying too.

"...Dad didn't come out of his office all day. We all brought him food later in the day just so he wouldn't starve himself. It was a terrible day. It was even worse the next morning when I woke up and it wasn't a dream like I wanted it to be. They had been fighting a lot the weeks leading up to her leaving. She had threatened it a few times before, but I never...I never actually believed she'd go through with it."

"Jesus Christ." Dean breathed, "Cas...Cas I..."

"It's fine." He said, staring hard at the grains of cold sand. His voice felt as cold and trembly as his body did. "You're the first person who's asked about her. I needed to talk about it. Thank you."

"Well...uh...anytime, buddy. I guess." Dean laughed awkwardly, and when Castiel didn't laugh too he went quiet. He reached over to place his hand on Castiels shoulder. His fingers tightened around it to give it a squeeze. Cas met his gaze and they both smiled, small, friendly smiles.

"I thought you said you didn't do chick flick moments?"  
"I'll make an exception this once. Just for you."  
"Well, I must be pretty special then, huh?"

Deans hand fell from his shoulder, wrapping around the rusty chain of the swing. Dean smiled again, but it was different now. "Yeah," he said, "you're pretty special, Cas." He then backed up along the sand and pushed off to start swinging again. Cas did the same.

They had a contest to see who could swing the highest. They were pumping their legs so hard the swing set began to shake, and the two laughed so hard Castiel almost fell off. Dean then asked him if he would like to go home yet. Castiel shrugged.

"I don't care. Do you want to stay the night?"  
"Won't your dad get mad? You are supposed to be grounded."  
"Oh, yeah," Castiel dug the heels of his feet into the sand to slow himself down, "I forgot."

Dean chuckled at him.

"Well, I'm sure he won't mind if I say you just needed a place to stay again. We just won't mention that I snuck out. No one should be the wiser."

Dean gave him a thumbs up, "Sounds cool by me." With another pump of his legs Dean jumped off the swing and landed on the sand with only a slight stumble to catch himself. He struck a gymnastics pose; throwing both hands in the air and bowing to an imaginary audience.

"Bennys right. You are a show off." Castiel scoffed.

"Shut up, Cas."

A clap of thunder sounded above their heads and they both craned their necks towards the sky to look at the dark swirling clouds laden with rain. A drop of water bounced off the tip of Castiels nose, and he scrunched his face from the touch. Another drop of rain fell. Landing on the sand surrounding the swing set. Another fell. Then another. And another. Soon Dean and Castiel were being ambushed by rain drops. Dean held his arms up over his head and laughed while Castiel scrambled out of the swing he had been sitting on.

"Well, I guess we should be gettin' home now, huh?" He said to Castiel.

They ran to the car with the rain hammering the ground and the tops of their heads. By the time they were inside the Impala they were drenched. Their clothes were sticking to their skin and their hair was dripping with water, flat against their foreheads. Dean was still laughing to himself out of spite as he started the car.

Castiel leaned back against the leather seats and said, "Dean."

"Yeah?"

He squinted open his eyes to give a sideways glance over to Dean who was staring at him with his lips just beginning to creep up into an open mouthed smirk. Castiel smiled blissfully back.

"Thank you." he said.

"Anytime, buddy."

Dean pulled the Impala up alongside the curb by the driveway. He turned the car off, and he and Castiel got out. The rain had died down some but it was still sprinkling. The sidewalk was slippery and wet, and when they walked on the grass it tickled Castiels ankles with soaked blades. Cas lead him to the side of the house and climbed up the fence towards his open bedroom window. Dean followed behind him.

Castiel was able to wedge the window open some, and then squirm through the opening, landing on his hands on the other side. The floor was a bit wet from having the window open during the rain, but it wasn't drenched. He grabbed the nearest tshirt he could find and quickly moped up the water. He then got up off the floor, double checking that Samandriel and Gabriel were still sound asleep before pulling the window open all the way to help Dean through.

"Thanks." Dean whispered once he was inside.

"No problem," Castiel smiled, "want to barrow my pajamas?"

"Sure."

Castiel went through his still unpacked suitcase and found a pair of clean pajamas for Dean to barrow. He handed them to him and Dean made a funny face.

"What?" He asked.

"Dude? Rocket ships?"  
"Would you rather they be dinosaurs?" Castiel held up another pair, causing Dean to choke on a laugh.

"No, no, it's fine." Dean striped himself of his jeans and shoes as Castiel busied himself with doing the same. He didn't look over at Dean until he thought for sure he was finished changing. "You want me to sleep on the couch again?"

"No." The word fell out of Castiels mouth before he had even really thought about it. He was surprised at himself.

He had thought countlessly about the feeling of Dean sleeping next to him in bed. He thought of warm skin and soft kisses. The feeling of security and just the feeling of someone next to him that cared about him. He wanted to feel that. But if he told all this to Dean now, he would with out a doubt think that it was inappropriate and possibly want to leave. Castiel wanted to take his word back.

"I-I mean-" his face felt hot.

"You want me to sleep in your bed with you?" Dean asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Well-only if-only if you want to. I just thought that...the couch can't be all that comfortable. It probably hurts your back. And you are my guest so you should be comfortable. I'm sorry, is sharing a bed inappropriate?"

Dean chuckled softly, "Nah, man it's fine. The last time I shared a bed at a sleepover I was like eleven. It's cool, dude. Let's sleep together." He then laughed at himself, and Castiel couldn't stop giggling.

Dean got into his bed first and then Castiel slid in next to him. Dean was very warm. He could feel his warmth radiating on his face. Deans back faced his front, and Castiel had to force his hands to not reach out and wrap around Dean to hold him. He pressed his face into the pillow, and squeezed his eyes shut. They burned with the desire for sleep. He hadn't even realized how tired he was until now.

"Cas." Dean yawned.

"Hmmm?"  
"Did you have fun?"  
"Yes, I did. Did you have fun, Dean?"  
"Course I did."

"...Dean..." He whispered.

"Yeah?"

"You're my best friend."

Dean laughed softly and said, "Go to sleep, Cas."

Castiel awoke from a groggy sleep to an empty bedroom and an even emptier bed.

He sat himself up on his elbows and looked frantically around for some sort of sign of Dean. He really hoped that last night wasn't really a dream. It had all felt too real to possibly be a dream. The empty spot in his bed felt cold and it left an aching feeling in his heart.

Just as Cas was starting to accept that it had all been a silly dream, a flicker of light sparked in his eyes. He spotted Deans boots sitting neatly under the nightstand as though they had always been there. They were sitting up next to each other very neatly, so it wouldn't cause more clutter in the room. And Deans white socks were bounded together and stuffed into the top of one boot. Castiel smiled, scrambling out of bed. Dean was probably already downstairs eating breakfast with Gabriel and Samandriel.

He skidded to a stop when he saw his elder siblings lined up outside of the bathroom door. Gabriel stood in the front, his arms laden with his hair care products and towels. He was glaring at the door with a permanent crease across his forehead. Micheal and Anna stood behind him, waiting just as impatiently as Gabriel was.

Gabriel pounded on the door hard, "Who's ever in there, will you hurry the hell up! It's been like an hour already! Save some water for the fishes will yeah?!"

"What are you yelling about?" Castiel piped up, walking up to them. They all turned their heads at the sound of his voice with surprised expressions.

"Well, it's not Cas." Said Anna.

"I told you it wasn't," snapped Gabriel, "he was still sleeping when I got up this morning."

"And it isn't Lucifer," said Micheal, "he was using the downstairs bathroom."

"It must be Samandriel then!" Gabriel exclaimed, "That brat! I'm going to piss down his throat when he gets out of there!" He started pounding on the door again, "Samandriel! Samandriel get your ass out here! You've been in there long enough! I swear if theres no warm water left I'll-"

"What are you yelling at me for?" Samandriel walked up the stairs slowly, yawning and rubbing his eyes., "I wasn't even doing anythin'."

Micheal, Anna, and Gabriel all looked to each other and then back to the bathroom door. Gabriel pointed a finger to himself, to Micheal, to Anna, to Castiel, Samandriel, and then counted another one off for Lucifer. He mouthed the numbers off as he went, counting six. He looked up at Micheal with a puzzled expression.

"Where were you?" asked Micheal.

"I slept in Dads room last night," he said, his voice still heavy with sleep, "I got scared from the storm so I slept on the floor."

"Dads at the store." Anna answered the question that wasn't asked.

Gabriel looked back to the door. "Then who the fuck-" he started pounding on the door again. He was hitting it so hard Castiel thought for a moment he was going to punch a hole through it. "Hey! Hey! Who the hell is in there?!"

They heard the water shut off and the shower curtain being pulled to the side. A pair of feet slapped against the tile, and when the door was finally jerked open, a cloud of steam whooshed out to great the Shurleys. Dean stood in the doorway. His hair was wrapped in a yellow towel on top of his head, and a white robe clothing him. The belt tied around his middle in a knot.

"Well, good morning to you too!" He beamed at them all, "man,you guys have the best shower! That water pressure man," he whistled, "it's awesome. Sorry I didn't ask. But you all were still sleeping when I got up, and I smelled bad. I needed some Dean time."

After one look at Dean, Micheal whipped his head around to glare at Castiel. His gaze making Castiel feel very small. "You're not supposed to have your friends over, Castiel." He said.

"Er-" Cas stumbled over his words, trying to think of a good answer to give Micheal for Deans presence when he had been grounded only the day before, and forbidden to see any of his friends until his father gave him permission. His tongue felt dry and heavy with the words of a lie crossing his brain. Dean spoke for him.

"Hey," he snapped playfully, "Samandriels my friend. Right, Alfie?"

Samandriels face lit up at the mention of being Deans friend and he nodded eagerly, "Yes! Yes, Dean is my friend!"

"So, maybe Cas didn't invite me over. Maybe Alfie did. I'm friends with them both. Whats the problem?"

Micheal frowned at him and snorted, "I highly doubt that was the case."

"And what exactly are you gonna do about it, then?" Dean raised his eyebrows, and gave Micheal a fake smirk.

Castiels oldest brother just huffed aggressively out of his nose, and didn't respond.

Anna suddenly gasped, striding up to Dean and grabbing his wrist to hold up his arm. She looked at the robe sleeve and then into his eyes. "This is my robe." she hissed.

"Heh...sorry. You can have it back-"

"Just-keep it." Anna rolled her eyes and pushed past her brothers to get into the bathroom.

"Hey!" Barked Gabriel, "I was next! I've been waiting longer than you have, Anael!"

"Well then, you can wait a little longer." She retorted. Gabriel started spitting curses at her through the door.

Dean turned his heel to begin striding back to Castiels room, his hands in the robe pockets and Samandriel sprinting to catch up with him. "I think you made them mad, Dean." Samandriel said.

"Yeah?" said Dean.

"I don't think Micheal likes you very much."

Dean laughed as he turned into Castiels bedroom. He placed both of his hands on top of the towel wrapped around his head and leaned over to scratch the fabric against his hair. "Well, I don't think I like him very much either. He walks around with a stick up his ass. Don't he, Cas?"

Castiel shrugged.

"Lucifer doesn't like you either," Samandriel continued, sitting on the edge of his bed, "he told me that you were a-a-uh...a dumb dirty dil-dil-delinquent."

Dean laughed again, "Aw, shucks," he looked over his shoulder at Castiel, smiling a fake sort of cocking smile, "your brothers sure do know how to flatter a guy, huh, Cas?"

Castiel was practically fuming. He hated that Lucifer and Micheal were talking about Dean behind his back. They didn't even know Dean they didn't have any right to-

Castiels nails were pinching into his palms, turning them into blisters of white. Lucifer was such a hypocrite. He thought he was better than Dean just because Chuck hadn't left him at some home for boys when he was sixteen (not to mention no one knew if that rumor was true, they were all just going by Raphaels word). Lucifer was just as 'bad' as Dean was. What made him so much better than Dean? Because their mother left he had some kind of excuse to act the way he did? Maybe Dean has his reasons too. Castiels insides were bubbling with fury at the thought of how he had finally gotten a friend and his family hated having this friend around. Dean hadn't even done anything to them, they were all just so-

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean was looking at him with a worried expression written all over his face. He and Samandriel were both staring at him. He hadn't realized that had been standing practically livid on the spot for five minutes without responding to Dean. His face must have had looked furious.

"I'm fine." He shook his head, letting the expression fall away, "I was just...thinking."

Dean looked from Cas to Samandriel and said, "Hey, Alfie, can you give me an' Cas a minute?"

"Okay." He hopped off his bed and headed to leave out the door but stopped himself, spinning around on his heel and saying, "don't I get to come to your house tomorrow? I get to play with Adam tomorrow, right?"

"What? Oh-oh, yeah, sure, kid. You'll play with Adam tomorrow."  
"Okay. See you later!" He hurried out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"Whats the matter?" Dean asked at once. He didn't even wait to make sure that Samandriels footsteps had left, to make sure that he wasn't actually just listening outside the door. He was more worried about Castiel.

"Nothing." He replied, "you should get changed. I'll wait outside, and make you breakfast if you'd-"

"Don't change the subject, Cas," Dean took two strides and he was suddenly in front of him. His body still radiating with warmth, and he smelled like sweet shampoo from the shower, "whats got your shorts all in a twist?"

Castiel turned his gaze away from him, glaring at the dirty clothes laying haphazardly all over the bedroom floor. The bubbles of anger towards his brothers was simmering down but the heat was still there.

"Is it something about your older brothers?" asked Dean, "'cause, Cas, I really don't give two shits about what they say about me. They can say whatever the hell they like! It's not my problem, they're not my friends."

"They don't know you, Dean." He replied softly, still not turning his gaze back, "they're hypocrites and have no right to be saying anything like that. They're not anything special."

"Cas-"  
"I bet it's just because of the other day. When I didn't bring my phone with me and they didn't know where I was-"  
"Wait Cas! You didn't tell me about that!"

Castiel ignored him and continued ranting, "They probably think you're turning me into something bad. A rebel or something. But you're not. You're just being a good friend, Dean. They have no room to talk. Especially Lucifer. He was caught shoplifting a few months ago, and he's pranked more people than I can count. I don't understand why he doesn't like you. You should be his friend not mine. Just because Raphael said that you're dad sent you off to some home for boys when you got caught doesn't make him any better than-"

"What." Deans growl finally made Castiel freeze. His eyes flicked back to his friends face to see that the calm forest green eyes had turned hard and menacing like an alligators. "What did Raphael tell them."

Cas wet his lips nervously. "I don't believe it, Dean. I don't. I thought it was a rumor the whole time-"

"Just tell me what he said." He growled again.

Cas told him.  
Dean didn't seem too happy with the answer. "That son of a..." His fist clenched tightly into a ball, turning on his heel so his back faced Castiel instead. "Son of a bitch!"

"Dean..."

"What." He barked at the wall.

"It's...it's nothing to be upset about-"  
He forced a fake laugh, "You know, Cas...that's real cute of you to think that way. That all of that was a dumb rumor. Real cute. Well, it's fuckin' real. It happened. I stole some bread and peanut butter for me and Sammy last year at the store because I lost all our money for food and Sammy was hungry. I can't get away with fuckin' anything though, so the cops took me and called my dad and he told them that they could keep me. Father of the fuckin' year am I right?"

Castiel blinked, horrified that Mr. Winchester had actually done such a thing to his son. He hadn't even wanted to hear Deans reason for taking the bread and peanut butter, he had just wanted Dean in jail. It made a sick rotten feeling ache in his core.

"H-how long were you-"

"Three months. After three months he finally came around and picked me up. He didn't tell Sam anything about it and I sure as hell didn't tell anyone about it until just now, so I don't know why the hell Raphael is runnin' his mouth about it."

"Dean..." was all he could say.

He looked as though he were about to hit something. His hand was clenched into a tight ball, and he wouldn't turn around to face his friend. "It's fine." he said hardly.

Cas couldn't find any of the right words to say to Dean. His mind was drawing a blank, and he simply stood there like a dumbfounded rabbit in a feild. Which is why when Dean announced that he was going to change back into his clothes, Castiel left without another word.

He went downstairs to make breakfast. He wasn't very good at cooking exactly, but he could make simple things. Like bagels and cereal. Just nothing on the oven, if it didn't have anything to do with the stove or the oven he could cook anything.

Castiel plucked two bagels out of the bag for him and Dean. He placed them in their fancy four hole toaster and pulled the lever down for them to cook. He then got out the cream cheese, and juice for them. By the time he was smearing the cream cheese over the bagels Dean was coming downstairs. He spotted Cas in the kitchen and went to sit on the stool.

"You think I should head out before your dad gets back?"

"You don't have to," said Castiel, pushing a glass of orange juice and the bagel he had made towards Dean, "my siblings will tell on me anyways. It's not like it'll be a secret. But if you have someplace to be..."

"You think your dad will still let Samandriel and Adam play together tomorrow?" Dean took a large bite out of the bagel, getting cream cheese smeared all over his mouth.

Castiel smirked at him, and rolled his shoulder. "I don't know," he said, "I hope so. Maybe he'll un-ground me. I'm not exactly one to cause a lot of trouble."

Dean chuckled, "Yeah, Cas, maybe I am turning you into a rebel. You're sneakin' out, gettin' grounded, breakin' rules. You're practically a part of the club now."

"Should I sign up for my leather jacket now, or do I get it at the door?"

Dean laughed, and shook his head.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they chewed their food and drank out of their cups of juice. They didn't get the chance to speak again, for Castiels father returned before they got the chance to.

When the front door opened Samandriel was the first to greet their father, and the second words out of his mouth were, "Daddy! Dean came over again!"

Chuck didn't respond to his son. Instead he bee lined for the stairs to probably go up to Castiels room, but before he went up he spotted Dean and Cas standing in the kitchen.

"I should probably go," Dean said quietly, "see you later?"

Castiel nodded, "Goodbye, Dean."

"Bye."

Dean got up from the stool and hurried out of the kitchen, giving a small wave to Mr. Shurley and rubbing the palm of his hand on top of Samandriels hair, saying, "See ya, kid." Castiel heard the front door shut, and Dean was gone. He suddenly felt empty with the absence of Dean, and he wished that he hadn't gone. He didn't particularly like saying goodbye to Dean.

Chuck walked up to Castiel in the kitchen, frowning darkly.

"Castiel..."

"I know..." He sighed, "I wasn't supposed to hang out with my friends...but...Dean he-he had to come over."

Chucks eyebrows furrowed over his glasses, "What do you mean, Castiel? He had to come over?"

"Yes."  
"No...Cas-what do you mean?"  
"He-he couldn't go back home."  
"So he came here again?"  
"Yes."  
"Why couldn't he go home?"  
"Be-because..."

Castiel fidgeted, playing with his fingers absentmindedly as he spoke. His brain was whirring with excuses, but Castiel couldn't seem to manage to find a believable one. Gabriel was right he wasn't very good at lying at all.

"Castiel..." Chuck took a step forward to place a hand on his sons shoulder, trying to meet his gaze, "is there something going on that I should know about?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You can trust me, buddy."

Castiel debated for a moment about if he should tell his father the truth. If he did, they could help Sam and Dean and Adam. His father could do something about how John treated his boys, and Castiel wouldn't have to worry about his friends so much anymore. But he had promised Dean he wouldn't tell. Adam would most likely be able to stay with his mother, but where would Sam and Dean go? They didn't have anyone else besides each other it seemed. He didn't have to heart to tear Sam away from his older brother. Sam and Adam were better off with Dean than they were if they were all separated.

"Everything's all right." He said hollowly, trying to hold back any expressions that might give him away, "Dean just needs to get away sometimes is all. He likes staying here with me. It's comfortable for him."

Chuck made that face again, like he knew Cas was lying to him but wasn't sure how he was going to call him out on it. He patted Castiels shoulder and said softly, "Okay." He straightened back up and turned to pick up his groceries he had left on the floor in the living room.

"Dad?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can...can I be un-grounded now?"

Chuck turned to look over his shoulder, sighing, "Castiel..."

"I apologize for the way I acted yesterday," Cas continued, "I was stupid. I don't have any right to act like that, and I'm sorry, Dad."

Chuck gave him a tired understanding smile. "All right. You can be un-grounded. Just because it's summer, and I know you're a good kid."

Cas beamed at him, scampering up to him to wrap his arms around him in a hug, "Thank you, Dad."

"Yeah, yeah," Chuck ruffled his hair, "now get out of here. Go...read a book or whatever it is you do. Go on!"

Castiel gave him one last smile before running back upstairs into his room to text Dean on his phone and tell him that Samandriel and him could come over tomorrow.

He couldn't wait to be able to go to Deans house. He would actually be able to see what it was like inside. He would get to get another taste of what Deans life was like. His heart pounded happily inside his chest as he laid on his bed and went to his messages to text Dean. He really liked spending time with Dean, and at the moment he actually missed having his company. He didn't like the feeling he had in his chest when it was time for Dean to leave.

He didn't want to imagine how bad that feeling will be when he leaves for Illinois in August.

Castiel held onto Samandriels hand the entire way to the Winchesters house. He remembered the way Balthazar had showed him, and what street they lived on. If his cousin were here with them he would be laughing in Castiels face saying "I told you so. I told you you would have needed to know the way eventually." Castiel didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

Once they were on the front porch Castiel balled up his fist and ratted on the door. Bones answered them with his deep loud barks and his nails clicking on the floor.

"I'm coming!" Deans voice called from inside. They could hear his feet shuffling across the house to the door as he hurried to answer them. The door was thrown open and Deans beaming smile greeted them from behind the screen. "Hey, Cas! Hey, Alfie!"

"Hi, Dean!" Samandriel said happily, "I'm here to play!"

"Great. Let's go see Adam then, c'mon." Dean opened the screen door for them, and they stepped inside the Winchesters house.

It was only one floor, not counting the small basement. There was one bathroom and two bedrooms. Sam, Dean, and Adam all shared one room and their father had his own. There was a kitchen with yellow walls and a clean sink, and a living room with a small television and a couch and chairs surrounding a coffee table. A desk with a computer sat against the wall as a small study. Adams toys were laying all over the place. There seemed to be baskets sitting against the wall in the living room for Adam to keep these toys in, but none of them didn't seem to occupy their home.

Sam was sitting at the desk with the computer. After Bones greeted their guests he trotted off to Sam and pushed his way in to sit in the cubby hole under the desk at Sams feet. When Sam heard Castiel and Samandriel come in he turned and his face lit up. "Hey, guys." He said, spinning in the wheely chair.

"Hello, Sam."  
"Hi, Sam! I like your dog. He's cute."

"Thanks," he bent down to scratch Bones on top of his furry head, and the dog leaned against his touch gratefully, "my dad said I could keep him as long as he's not too much trouble. He's been a good boy, haven't you Bones?"

The dog yawned and placed his head in between its paws.

"Bean!" Came the voice Castiel had heard over the phone the other night, "Bean are they here yet?"

"They're here, Adam," Dean called back, "come out here and say hi."

"He calls you Bean?" Castiel grinned, trying his best to suppress a laugh.

"Heh, yeah," Dean rubbed the back of his neck, "he started calling me that when he was learning to talk. Now it just kind stuck I guess."

"It's adorable."

The tips of Deans ears turned slightly pink, and Castiel didn't have enough time to admire the way his freckles stood out when he blushed like this because a little boy at the age of six came scampering out of the bedroom.

He was sporting two missing teeth, and round gray-blue eyes. His ears stuck out a bit, like they were two sizes too big for the rest of his body. His blonde hair was short and feathery. It looked almost like a ducklings down.

"Guys, this is Adam," Dean introduced, gesturing to his little brother. At the sight of new people Adam shyly ducked to his big brothers side, and clung to his hand, "don't be like that, say hi, buddy."

"Hi." Adam said softly, only letting Samandriel and Castiel see half of his face.

"This is Samandriel and Castiel. Remember, you talked to Cas on the phone?"

Adam nodded, "I remember."

Cas bent down slightly and offered his hand out to the six year old, "Hello, Adam. It's nice to meet you."

Adam looked at his hand as though it were holding a snake. He looked back up at Cas' face and said, "Hello, Cas..." He said quietly, raising his small hand to take Castiels.

"Say hi, Samandriel." Castiel encouraged his brother. Samandriel had suddenly turned shy as well.

"Hello." He said.

"Hi." Adam repeated.

They stood in awkward silence for a moment. Adam was too shy to speak, and Samandriel wasn't sure what to say. He hugged his backpack full of toys to his chest and looked up to Castiel for help. It was Dean who spoke though.

"Well don't just stand there, show him our room or something. You've got tons of toys in there I'm sure you two can find something to keep ya busy."

Adam nodded at his older brother and finally took a step out from under the protection of Dean. "I'll show you my room, Alfie," he said, "It's over here."

Samandriel didn't hesitate to follow Adam into the bedroom just behind where Sam was sitting on the computer.

"Did you eat breakfast?" Dean asked him, turning towards the kitchen.

"It's ten thirty, Dean."

"Yeah, so?" He walked over to the cupboards, and looked through the cereal boxes lined up on the shelf, "I like to have a late breakfast. You want something to eat or no?"

Cas rolled his shoulder, "I can eat."

Dean got out two bowls and set the box of Lucky Charms on the counter. He poured a generous amount into each bowl and then got out the milk. He set one bowl in front of Castiel, and another in front of himself, digging the spoon into the bowl and shoving it into his mouth.

"Where's your father?" Castiel asked, looking down at the cereal and marshmallows.

"Work," Dean answered thickly, "always workin'."

"He never seems to be at home. At least, he doesn't seem to be home a lot."  
"He isn't. He's like a friggen work-a-holic. Not only that, he's also an alcoholic. So when he isn't working he's drinking, and when he isn't drinking he's working."  
"You're not worried about him? How he's never around?"  
"Hell no. The less time he spends around Sammy and Adam the better."

Dean tilted his head back as he put the bowl to his lips and drank out all the milk before putting his dishes in the sink. He asked Castiel if he was done eating, and he nodded. He took his bowl also and put it in the sink.

They went out into the living room and Dean invited him to sit on the couch. Bones squirmed out from under Sams feet to say hello to Castiel again. When Cas scratched him behind the ears the dog placed his head in his lap, begging to be petted again.

"So you're allowed to keep Bones?" Castiel asked, obliging to Bones' pleading eyes.

"Yea, unfortunately." Dean rolled his eyes, but Castiel noticed that Dean had developed a sort of soft spot for the dog. He didn't exactly like touching Bones, but he didn't seem to mind when Bones licked at his fingers. He even sort of smiled. When he noticed that Castiel had seen this the smile vanished and he cleared his throat, "Hey, uh, Sammy, isn't it time for you to take this dog on a walk?"

Sam turned around in his chair to give him a puzzled look, raising one eyebrow in question.

Dean seemed to have been able to read Sams mind because he glared at his brother and said, "You little pervert. That's not what I'm sayin'. Just take your friggen dog for a walk will ya?"

Sam raised his hands in defense and got up from the computer, grabbing a leash off of the coffee table. "Okay, okay. I didn't say anything, jerk. C'mere, Bones, here boy." Bones trotted up to Sam and he hooked the leash onto his collar. "I'll be back later." He said, as though he was reminding Dean that he wouldn't be gone for long. His brother just frowned at him.

Castiel watched Sam and Bones leave out the front door and from the window he could see them walking off down the sidewalk. Sam was still trying to peer inside the house, and when he noticed Cas was watching him he waved. Castiel turned back around once they were out of sight.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"Nothin'," said Dean, turning on the television, "Sammys just bein' a pain in the ass."

Castiel turned towards the TV screen to see that Dean had turned on Cartoon Network. An hours worth of Looney Tunes was starting to come to its last few cartoons. Dean slumped back against the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table. Castiel watched him. He found it interesting how comfortable Dean was everywhere he went, whether it was his own home, or Castiels.

He also noticed how different they were, yet they were so alike. Dean and him were practically opposites. Dean grew up on one side of the tracks while Castiel grew up on the other, and yet somehow they had become friends. Why did Dean want to be his friend anyway? He couldn't wrap his head around it.

Dean noticed Castiel looking at him and he frowned, "What?"

"Dean. Why do you like me?"

"What?" he repeated, the crease on his forehead furrowing.

"Why are you friends with me? You're friends with Benny and Balthazar, and they're nothing like me. Why me?"

"Ah, Cas," Dean sighed, running his hand over his face, and sitting up, "what is it with you and this kinda crap..."

Castiel cocked his head to the side and squinted, "What do you mean?"

"You're always pokin' at my feelings and shit like that," he chuckled lightly, "always askin' questions about myself. Whats up with that, man?"

Castiel shrugged. "You're my friend, Dean. Isn't that what friends do?"

"Well...yeah, kinda I guess. But Bennys never asked me why I liked him before."  
"He hasn't?"  
"No. We don't really do any of that...sissy crap."  
"Oh."

Castiel turned back towards the television and stared blankly at the Road Runner cartoon playing on the screen. They watched the cartoon. Neither of them speaking again until just before Porky Pig was due to show up on the screen to tell them 'thats all folks!'

Once the theme song was playing Dean turned to Castiel and said, "You really wanna know why I like you?" he didn't wait for Cas to answer, "I like you 'cause I can talk to you about anything. There I said it. I like talking with you about all that sissy crap I can't talk about with Benny. I don't know what it is about you, Cas, but I just can't help but wanna be around you all the time. You're like...I don't know...you're like six different kinds of weird, Cas."

Castiel huffed a sarcastic, "Thanks."

"No, no, no, but like...a good weird, ya know? You're from this conservative private Catholic school, and you come down here and meet me, and you think of me as your best friend. That's what has me confused," He laughed, "I thought when I told you I was bi you would have tried to exorcise me or something, but you didn't. You just kept coming back to me. Everything thats happened since you got here...I kept thinking that 'this time it'll be it. This time he won't want me around anymore.' But you kept comin' back, you kept wanting to hang out with me for some ungodly reason. I don't know...you're just...a good guy, Cas. A good...weird, dorky, little guy."

Castiel stared at him for a long time. Pondering on Deans words, having them roll around in his brain so he could really think about them and what they meant. His heart sort of fluttered in his chest at the mention of Dean being bisexual. He hadn't really been thinking about Deans sexuality; he was just Dean. It hadn't really mattered to him what Dean was attracted to. But now that Castiel was reminded of it, he seemed to realize that there was still a strong possiblity that Dean could like him the same way Castiel liked him. He seemed to have forgotten about his cousins words from the other day when he told him that he knew someone around here had a crush on Cas. He was almost certain it was Dean now, but did Dean still feel the same way he had felt almost a week ago now? Or did his feelings change to nothing more than platonic friendship when he found out that Castiel was a 'conservative private Catholic school go-er'? Perhaps he no longer liked Castiel in that way because he thought he could never return the feelings.

It was all making Castiels heart sting rather painfully.

His eyebrows were still furrowed in a puzzled squint as his train of thought reared back to Dean sitting next to him on the couch. He said a little unsurely, "Thank you..."

"Thats all you gotta say?"

He rolled his shoulders. "I'm appreciative that you feel comfortable around me enough to talk about your-uh-sissy crap...and I'm glad to have you as a friend. The feeling is-uh-mutual."

Dean frowned at him, "C'mon, Cas, I just poured more of my heart out to you than I ever have to anyone-"

"Thats kinda sad."  
"Shut it, or I may just take it back. Anyway-just...just tell me what you like about me. What makes me so great that I'm your best friend, huh? I'm sure your friends you have back home are nothing like me, so why me?"

Castiel blinked.

He wanted him to tell him what he liked about him? Where could he begin? With the way his eyelashes gleamed blonde in the sunlight, or the way his freckles reminded him of the constellations in the sky Naomi had showed him? Should he tell him how he liked the way his green eyes resembled the moss on the trees in the forest that held memories of his childhood summers? Or how he liked the way his lips curved when he smiled? Perhaps he should tell him how he liked how funny he was, and how protective, and loyal, and brave he was. Or should he say how he liked how well he treated kids? Or how he also felt that he could share anything with Dean, how he could trust him, how he too wanted to be around him all the time.

Instead he said, "You were the only one who's nice to me. And didn't treat me like an inconvenience."

Dean straightened up and dropped his shoulders, his eyebrows raising in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something but Castiel didn't let him. He didn't look at Dean either, he looked at the television now playing an episode of Scooby Doo.

"I wasn't good at making friends back home, Dean. I've only had one close friend my entire life, and we went to different high schools after Saint James. I don't have any friends. The only people I talked to were lab partners, and assigned partners for group projects. But as soon as the project was done with they would treat me as though we had never met. A lot of the jocks hated me because I was related to Gabriel, and they are his favorite victims for pranks. So them, and their friends all hated me. They were never nice to me. Even if we were teamed up as partners." He turned towards his friend, twiddling with his fingers in his lap, and tugging on the bottom of his tshirt. "But you were nice to me. You've always been nice to me. And I will always be grateful for that. That's why you are my best friend."

Dean was at a loss for words.

"Gee...uh...Cas..." he ran his palms up and down his legs and shook his head in what seemed like disbelief, "I...that uh...I don't really know what to say. I-I can't believe no ones ever really been nice to you. You're the nicest kid I know."

Cas half-smirked at him. "I don't mind it. I don't need many friends. I'm perfectly content with what I have as of now. I have you, and Sam, and my family. Who else is there?"

Dean didn't reply. He had an expression mixed between pity and anger on his face. Castiel didn't want him to pity him, he was being honest when he said he didn't need many people around him to be happy.

He half wished he could tell Dean all those other things he liked about him, but he wasn't sure if Dean could return those feelings now. They were having a good friendship as of now, and Castiel didn't want to do anything that would ruin it. He wanted to keep Dean in his life for as long as possible, he didn't care if it meant that he would have to suppress his feelings. He just wanted to be with Dean. Maybe one day he would come clean and tell Dean that he was gay, and that he liked him in a way that was definitely not platonic, but he felt wrong coming to Dean first before he came to Gabriel.

He and Gabriel told each other everything. They always came to each other before anyone else, and Castiel would feel wrong for telling Dean before telling his brother. It would feel like breaking some sacred law between them.

Which is why instead of telling Dean everything else whirring through his mind like a tornado, they sat in a comfortable silence, watching cartoons until Adam and Samandriel came out to tell them they wanted lunch.

Castiel was curious. He knew he was gay, and he knew he liked Dean. But he wasn't completely sure how-he couldn't even find the right words to word it. He wasn't sure how it worked to put it frankly. If he were to ever be so lucky to be in a relationship with Dean, (or for any other boy for that matter but at the moment his brain and heart were focused on Dean) he didn't want to go into it completely ignorant to practically everything. Castiel had never even kissed anyone besides family members before. He knew next to nothing about kissing and sex. Not to mention gay sex.

He knew the basics of reproduction between a male and female, but from what he heard in the hallways of his public school there seemed to be more than just one way to get pleasure and intimate with your partner. He was still hazy on that subject. But in the matters of homosexual sex he didn't even know where to begin his questions.

How exactly is it enjoyable? If it was anything like his fantasy in the shower he could see how that could be pleasurable, but was there something more he was missing? He felt as though that didn't exactly classify as sex. He felt that there was something more to gay sex that he just wasn't putting together.

He wracked his brains in search of another way of how gay sex could possibly work, but he couldn't come up with an idea. He wasn't even sure if his first idea was actually a way, for all he knew that wasn't even a thing that anyone did.

He decided that in order to get these answers he would need to start asking. But who would he ask? Balthazar? No. He didn't want to ask him. Balthazar would with out a doubt spend the first ten minutes laughing his ass off before answering anything Castiel had to ask. He would then run his mouth to anyone willing to listen. He wasn't about to ask Dean either, he hadn't even told his family that he was gay yet, and coming to Dean with these questions seemed awkward and inappropriate.

He knew in his heart that there was only one person he could really confine in and trust to go to with these questions. There was only one person in his family that he knew he could come out to with confidence that they would not tell, and would do their best to help and answer all he had to ask. Even if it was in their own unique way.

That was Gabriel.

The closer Castiel got to their bedroom the harder his heart beat against his chest. It felt like it had been replaced with a sack of sand, and the contents were rattling inside of him heavily. He stood in the doorway, watching Gabriel laying on his bed with his headphones lodged into his skull, and Samandriel mumbling to himself as he played with his toys on the floor.

His mouth felt dry as he cleared his throat and said, "Samandriel,"

His little brother picked up his head.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, Castiel!" He got to his feet instantly, "What is it?"

"Will you go outside for me and look for some bugs for my AP biology class? I'm supposed to collect them over the summer."  
"Okay! I'll find a bunch for you, Cas!" Samandriels eyes were sparkling with excitement, and he hurriedly wheeled out of the room to go into the kitchen in search of a jar to collect the insects with.

Castiel took a deep breath and stared at Gabriel across from him, his brain spinning as he tried to figure out the right words to start the conversation. He decided he might as well just come out with it. He told himself that it would be like ripping off a band aid. He didn't really have anything to be afraid of after all; it was Gabriel. He trusted him.

He stared at his socks, and took another deep breath. Taking a step towards his brother.


	8. Castiel's Ignorance in Gay Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What made you think I would know anything in that area?"
> 
> Castiel shrugged. "You've had lots of sex."
> 
> This got Gabriel laughing.

"Gabriel." Castiel said, his voice wasn't even quivering. He sat down on his bed, picking at the loose threads in his blanket nervously. He didn't know where to begin, he wasn't sure how to start this conversation. He was afraid of how Gabriel would react, but at the same time he knew he shouldn't be.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me about sex?"

Gabriel sat bolt right up in the sitting position and looked at his brother with round wide eyes. He pulled his headphones off hastily and threw them aside. He then dug one finger in his ear and pulled it out, saying, "Did I just hear what I think you said?"

"I asked if you could tell me about sex." Repeated Castiel.

"That's what I was afraid of."  
"If you don't want to tell me, Gabriel its fine. You don't have to."

"No, no," Gabriel waved his hands, "It's just...one second." He leapt off his bed and went to the open doorway, where he leaned out and looked down the hall before shutting the door and locking it. He then returned to his bed, running his palms up and down his jeans in a nervous tick sort of manner. Like he wasn't sure where to begin. "Okay," he breathed, finally meeting Castiels eyes, "I'll tell you everything I know. I'm just-uh-I'm just a little surprised that you came to me. I mean...you're Castiel! You don't...you don't think about that stuff..."

Castiel tilted his head to the side and frowned, "Whats that supposed to mean?"

Gabriel chuckled, running a hand through his hair, "I dunno. You just seem so innocent to me. You are still my little brother after all. Talking about sex isn't a bad thing, at least you did the right thing and came to talk about it first...you haven't done anything yet right?"

Castiel shook his head, "I'm still a virgin."

"Good." Gabriel sighed, "good...thats...anyway...Those penguins back at Saint James didn't do shit for us. Their version of sex education is all about scaring the shit out of you so bad that you won't do it until your thirty. Sex really isn't all that bad. They treat it like it's something dirty, but really...anyway...I'm not gonna get all into that. Just tell me what you want to know about girls and I'll tell you."

"Actually...Gabriel..." Castiel looked shyly at the floor. His nails dug deeply into the blanket he was sitting on. This was the part that he was actually nervous about. The moment of truth. His neck was burning uncomfortably hot, and his stomach bubbled with anxiety as the words tumbled out of his mouth, "I was wondering if you knew anything about sex with...with guys."

When he looked back up at Gabriel his mouth was hanging open, he was frozen in time. It looked like he was on the verge of saying something but the words had gotten lost halfway and now he was stuck like this. His eyes wide, and his face draining of color. Castiel sort of wished he hadn't said anything at all. But after a few moments of heavy silence Gabriel jumped to his feet, his tiny body full of rage.

"Who put you up to this?" He exclaimed, "Lucifer? Anna? What did they tell you? Is this some sort of sick joke or something because it's not funny, Castiel! You've got a real twisted sense of humor!"

"What are you talking about, Gabriel?" Castiel frowned up at him, his eyes squinting in question, "No one put me up to anything."

"Oh, yeah, sure." he hissed, "Like you would be interested in guys! What did Lucifer tell you, huh?"

"He didn't tell me anything!"

"Did he give you a recorder or some shit?" Gabriel pushed Castiel back onto his bed and started peeling back his shirt and going through his pants pockets to look for some sort of bug that Castiel didn't have. "Trying to get me on tape to laugh his ass off later? Huh?

"Gabriel!" He shouted, "Cut it out! I don't have anything on me!" He tried to push his brothers hands away but Gabriel still persisted. "I'm gay, Gabriel!" He cried. He could feel tears stinging behind his eyes, but he didn't feel like crying until just then, "I'm gay!"

Slowly, his brother stood back up, coiling his fingers back to his palm like they were a deflated balloon.

"What?" Gabriels flame withered down. His face now crestfallen.

"I'm gay..." He panted, pushing himself up on his hands. His nose suddenly feeling stuffed and his eyes full of tears.

It was the first time Castiel had actually said the word out loud. It echoed in his ears and made his heart beat harder against his rib cage. It felt so strange to say it aloud and to another person. This secret was finally out, and a huge weight lifted off his chest, but there were still many other boulders weighing him down.

"Castiel..." Gabriel breathed, "Ohmygod, Cas...I'm so sorry..." He tackled him in a tight hug, sending him crashing back down on the mattress. Castiel would have hugged back, but Gabriel had his arms pinned to his sides. When they parted, his brother got back on his feet and said;

"So you...you mean you really want to know about...gay sex?"

"Yeah." Castiels face shrunk down into his shoulders, the bubbles of anxiety now swelling inside him so much he felt bloated. He was trembling now. He couldn't help but wonder why Gabriel had gotten so angry with him when he had brought it up. Why did he think Lucifer or Anna told him something? Why would he think they were trying to pull a trick on him? Was Gabriel hiding something from Castiel?

"It's stupid..." He added, sniffing, "you don't have to tell me. Really. I was just-I...I don't know what I was thinking-"

"No, Cas," Gabriel sighed shakenly, his hands pressed against his face, "It's fine. It's just...you've got one heck of a way of comin' out let me tell you." He plopped himself back down on his own bed. His elbows pressing against his knees, and his hands still hiding his face, "So, you're gay?"

"Yes."

"I never expected...you of all people. The good little church boy...Shit, Cas how long have you-?"

"Only since...Since this summer. I didn't really accept it till this summer. The beginning of June."

"Man..." Gabriel sighed again, "But...what made you want to come to me to talk about gay sex? What made you think I would know anything in that area?"

Castiel shrugged. He hadn't really expected Gabriel to know anything about it. He just wanted someone to talk to, he supposed. He knew Gabriel had had sex before, and he trusted him the most out of all his siblings, so he just came to him.

"You've had lots of sex."

This got Gabriel laughing.

"Lots? Please. I've only done it like...three times."  
"That's a lot more than I have."  
Gabriel laughed again and nodded, "Thats true. Well...Castiel my baby bro; you came to the right place."

"Wait you're gay too?"  
"Gay? Pfft. You think I can simply love the genitalia of fifty percent of the worlds population? I'm bisexual."

"Like Dean?"

Gabriel arched an eyebrow and replied slowly, "Yes. I suppose like Dean. But all in all, I can dig boys too. So you're pretty lucky to have a big brother like me. Lucifer and Micheal's heads would probably implode if you talked to them. So, Castiel, what do you want to know about gay sex? I'll tell you everything I know."

"I thought you only had sex three times?"  
"So? Two of those times couldn't be with a dude?"  
"Really? Two times? With Who?"  
"I don't kiss and tell, you little perv! This talk isn't about me! It's about you, and your ignorance to the male population."

Castiel ignored him, "Do Anna and Lucifer know? That you're a bisexual?"

"Anna knows," He answered, "Lucifer...sort of knows. Like, I haven't outright told him, but I think he has his suspicions. He's sort of in denial about it. He plays it off as a joke. Anyway, stop changing the subject you didn't come here to talk about my sexuality did you?"

"No."  
"Then lets get back on track, bucko. What do you wanna know?"

Castiel sat back and thought for a moment. He didn't know what question to ask Gabriel first. In fact, he wasn't sure how gay sex worked at all. He was pretty dumb when it came to things like this. He felt like he should be embarrassed, but it was Gabriel so he wasn't really. This talk was already going so well. Gabriel had taken the news of Cas being attracted to men better than Castiel thought he would. His anxiety had made him afraid, but now he saw no reason to be.

"How do you do it?"

Gabriel blinked at him. Dumbfounded. "What."

"How do you do it? How does it work?"

"Oh, Castiel," Gabriel sighed dramatically, running his hand over his face and shaking his head, "you poor, poor, innocent creature. You are such a virgin it's adorable."

"Just answer the question."  
"All right, all right...I promised I'd tell ya so I'll tell ya. Well, Castiel...there are plenty of ways to do it with another dude. The actual-you know-virginity losing way...is to be fucked up the ass."

"You mean anal?"

"Now how hell do you know what anal is, but you don't know how gay sex works? You know what-no. Never mind. I don't wanna know. But, yeah, you're right, it's anal. Whatever. But to actually, you know, do it you gotta have two things," He held up two fingers, nicking them off when he called them off the list, "lubricant, and condoms."

"Whats lubricant?"

"I'm getting to that. Lube is basically this jelly stuff that we use to make getting dick up your ass hurt a whole lot less."

"It's going to hurt?" Castiels voice squeaked, he wasn't so sure if he liked this idea anymore.

"Well, it won't hurt if you gotta lot of lube. But it's not a bad hurt really."

This puzzled Castiel. There was a good sort of hurt? He wasn't familiar with this. He wasn't familiar with any of this. Castiel wasn't sure if he would enjoy it if it hurt. Gabriel continued explaining, "and of course you'll need the condom so you won't get sick or catch something. Also there's other ways that aren't actually sex, but they still feel good. Like BJs or hand-jobs. Do you know what those are?"

"Sort of."  
"Those don't hurt. A blow job is when you suck a dick, and a hand-job is when you're jacking the other guy off. It's really not that complicated. Basically just don't be stupid, and be safe when you're doing it. Got it?"  
"...I think so."

Castiel looked up to meet Gabriels eyes. He wasn't really confused about sex anymore, but he was a little afraid about it hurting. He was also wondering about Gabriels sexual experiences. How long has he known he was bisexual? Why did he tell Anna, and when? Why didn't he tell Castiel first? Castiel had come to Gabriel first about being gay. Was there something about Cas that made Gabriel uneasy about coming to him first? Or maybe he was just afraid Castiel wouldn't approve because he was a 'innocent little church boy'. What a reputation he had built up for himself. Castiel wanted to put an end to that.

"Oh, jeez, Cas, don't look at me like that," Gabriel made a face, "I feel like I just puked all over your innocence."

"Sorry," He replied, "I was just thinking it over."

"Is that all you wanted to know? Any other questions, squirt? Cause you know I'll always be here to answer them."

Castiel waved him off, studying the smudge of a hand print on the window next to his bed, "I think you scared me enough for one day."

Gabriel chuckled, although it seemed less from humor and more with relief, "All right. Cool. But...Castiel...?"

"Hmmm?"  
"You're not...into that Dean Winchester guy are you?"

Castiel turned to face him in alarm. Was he really that obvious? "Wh-why? What makes you say that?"

Gabriel rolled his shoulder, slumping back against the wall, and pillows on his bed. He grabbed his headphones and ipod, pulling them into his lap to untangle to cords. "You just talk about him a lot. You guys hang out all the time, and you're constantly texting him on your phone and stuff. Then you brought him up when I was talking about being bi, saying he was bi too...I just thought maybe you liked him a little."

"Would that be a bad thing if I did? You don't seem too happy about the thought."

Gabriel paused for a moment, his fingers tangled up in the cords. He didn't meet Castiels eyes when he spoke, "He's just...He's not someone you should get messed up with, squirt. He's not someone I could see you liking. You could do better, Castiel. Don't do that to yourself. Deans the kinda guy for one night stands, and doesn't like commitment."

"How are you so sure about that?" Castiel snapped.

"Trust me, kiddo. I know. Balthazars told me plenty about that Winchester guy. I like him! I do, I think he's nice and all-I just don't want you to end up having your heart broken like that, Castiel. It sucks. Don't go after a guy like that. Please. He's nothing but trouble. Besides we aren't going to be in Louisiana forever."

Castiel turned away from Gabriel after this. He was quite upset over this, but he wasn't going to let Gabriel know. He continued to glare at the smudge on the window, trying to ignore the fact that his brother was even in the same room as him.

How dare Gabriel say that about Dean. He knew nothing about Dean, he didn't know Dean like Castiel knew Dean. He had no idea what he was like, and Gabriel was wrong, wrong, wrong. He was hurt by his brothers words. His heart felt like acid, as though he had been betrayed.

He thought out of everyone else in the world he could trust him to be supportive. He thought he could trust him, confine in him to talk about his feelings for Dean, and these new feelings of being confused about himself, and finding himself this summer, and still getting used to the way saying 'I'm gay' felt on his tongue. And what had Balthazar told him exactly? Did he tell Gabriel that Dean may like Castiel? Why would Balthazar go around telling people that, he said he was sworn to secerecy. He said he would help Cas and Dean be together. Was all this a lie? Did he not like Cas and Dean together either? Did he think that they wouldn't be good together? That Dean would just break his heart?

He wasn't so sure he could confine in anyone anymore.

"Dean is my friend." He said to the room.

"Okay." Said the voice.

Why was everyone so intent on looking out for Castiel? Wasn't he allowed to go through his own experiences? Make his own mistakes? He was sixteen years old now. He could handle himself. He liked Dean. He liked Dean a lot. And God dammit if anyone had a problem with that they could just go to Hell.

Castiel knew what he wanted, and he was going to get it.

Friday morning the family was due to meet at Aunt Rachel's for brunch. Castiel didn't feel much like attending, he just wanted one day where he could stay home and do nothing, but he had wanted to have a talk with Balthazar. He figured since his talk with Gabriel had gone so well the day before, it wouldn't be as bad coming out a second time to his cousin. He also needed to ask him some things, and in order to get answers it would involve coming out.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, so he might as well just get it over with now.

So as soon as the station wagon pulled up into the driveway of their Aunt and Uncles home, Castiel jumped out of his seat and hurried up to the front porch, balling up his fist to pound on the door. Uncle Joshua answered it.

"Hey, Castiel," He grinned, letting his nephew come inside and holding the door open for the rest of his family, "I've heard you've been have quite the time here so far. You've made some new friends?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. I have." Castiel was trying to peer around his uncle to spot any sign of Balthazar. "Uncle Joshua, do you know where Balthazar is?"

"He's outside with Naomi and Raphael I think."  
"Okay, thank you."

Castiel hurried off towards the back door to join his cousins in the backyard. Sure enough he found that his Uncle had set up their inflatable pool, and Raphael and Naomi were swimming in it. Balthazar was sitting in his swim trunks on one of the patio chairs, flipping through a magazine and slurping juice out of a glass.

"Balthazar." Castiel called to get his attention.

He turned at the sound of his name, his sunglasses tilted down the bridge of his nose so Castiel could just catch a glimpse of his eyes. Balthazar beamed at his cousin. "Cassie! Come sit with me! It's been a few days, and Dean told me you came over to his house yesterday. Tell me all about it!"

"Actually, Balthazar..." Castiel looked over to his cousins playing in the pool. They weren't paying attention, but he didn't want anyone to overhear, "I kind of wanted to...I wanted to talk to you about something else."

Balthazars eyebrows furrowed, as he got up off the patio chair, laying his drink and magazine aside. "Is something the matter?"

"Yes-well-no not really-I don't know," Castiel babbled, "can we just talk in your bedroom or something?"

"Sure, Cassie, sure." Balthazar took him by the wrist and led him back inside the house, sneaking past their family members huddled in the living room. They hurried upstairs into Balthazars bedroom, and Castiel immediately sat down on the bed.

"Okay, whats going on?" Balthazar asked at once. "Is it something about your mum?"

Castiel shook his head.

Balthazar sighed with relief, "Geez...thank God. You scared me for a minute there, Cassie. Is it Lucifer?"

He shook his head again.

"Something happened yesterday at Deans house?"

He shook his head again.

"Well, then what is it?" Balthazar huffed.

"I'd tell you if you would stop talking."

His cousin wrinkled his nose and folded his arms over his chest. "All right. Come on, out with it."

"You promise not to tell anyone else?"  
"Yeah, yeah I promise." Balthazar waved his hand in the air as though batting the question away.

"No, Balthazar," Castiel said seriously, his eyes staring into his skull, "you have to promise me. Promise me you won't tell another person ever, unless you have my consent. I know how much you like gossip, but you seriously can't tell anyone. Not without my okay."

Balthazar blinked, his arms slowly falling from his chest and wrapping around the foot board of his bed. "Cassie you're scaring me."

"Promise me."  
"I promise I won't tell! Just spit it out already!"

Castiel sighed, a tightness in his chest making it hard to breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as though not being able to see his cousin was going to make this any easier. He tried to tell himself that Balthazar was one of the most accepting people he knew, that he already came out to his brother so this shouldn't be so bad, but it didn't make him feel any better. There was a lock on his throat that wouldn't let him speak no matter how much he knew he wanted to say the words. His hands tightened around Balthazars blankets and finally his throat unlocked.

"Balthazar...I'm...I'm gay."

He didn't look up at Balthazar but he could hear him walking towards the bed. He felt the sinking of the mattress as his cousin took a seat next to him. "Oh, Cassie..." he sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. Castiel turned to look up at his face. "I know."

"You know?" Castiel barked, shoving his hand away, "What do you mean you know?!"

"Well, it was kind of obvious."

"Obvious?" Castiel punched him in the arm, "What the hell, Balthazar!"

"Ow! What are you so mad at me for? Okay, okay, I take it back, all right? I didn't actually know you were gay, but I had my suspicions. Better?" He shrugged his shoulders and held out his hands, flashing Castiel his palms, and a gentle smirk on his lips.

Castiel still glared at him. "Well, do you know Gabriel is bi?"

"Psh," He rolled his eyes, "yeah. I've known that for a while now."

Castiel punched him again.

"Geesh, Cassie!" He winched, rubbing the spot that was now turning a light red color on his arm, "Relax! It's not that big of a deal! You really want me to act surprised that you're gay? What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know..." Castiel bit on the inside of his lip, turning his gaze away from Balthazars face. "I just wasn't expecting..."

"Darling, it's fine, love who or whatever you want! That's what I say." Balthazar leaned back against the wall, tucking his arms under his head, "It doesn't matter to me."

"But, you really aren't surprised?" Castiel asked, "even though I was so...you know...Conservative and Catholic?"

Balthazar barked a laugh, "I don't think it matters where you come from personally. You are who you are, Cassie. No amount of church camp can change that."

Castiel gave him a small smirk before his thoughts took over. There were so many other things he wanted to talk about with his cousin. Like why had Gabriel come to him and Anna before coming to Castiel about being bisexual? He was a little hurt for that. Castiel wouldn't have cared if Gabriel had just told him first. Thats what they did, they told each other everything. Of course, there was the exception that Castiel wasn't about to talk to Gabriel about his feelings for Dean. Not anymore anyway.

He also wanted to know why Balthazar had told Gabriel all those things about Dean, and not him.

His smirk faded away the more he thought of these things and he said hardly, "Balthazar, were you lying when you told me that Dean had a crush on me?"

Balthazar frowned at him, "What makes you think I was lying?"

"Gabriel told me that Dean would be bad for me."

"Oh, shit," Balthazar sat up again, "no, no, Cassie, you got it all wrong. You see...Dean just doesn't like...putting a label on things I guess. He's been hurt before by people he's really cared about, and he just has a hard time being in a relationship. He's not the kind of person who will be up front about his feelings with the people he cares about. You practically have to pull his teeth out in order for him to say something like that, but he likes you, Castiel! He told me so! Do you like him too?"

Castiel rubbed his arm nervously, looking towards the ground as his heart fluttered and he said with a small smile, "Yes..."

"Are you serious?" Balthazar shook his shoulder with excitement, "Castiel!"

"Yes, yes," he giggled at his cousin, "I'm serious! I like Dean."

"This is great! I'll tell him-"  
"No! Balthazar don't do that!"  
"Well, why not?"  
"I-I don't think he likes me anymore."

Balthazars face fell slightly, "What makes you say that?"

Castiel shrugged, "I just...I think he doesn't like me like that anymore. He wants to be friends."

"Aw, Cas..." Balthazar sighed sadly, giving him a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry..."

"It's all right. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. He's the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I'd like to keep him."

One corner of Balthazars mouth slid into a smirk and he ruffled Castiels dark hair. "You're too nice, you know that?"

"Hmm..." Castiel hummed, looking down at his hands rolling the end of his tshirt in his lap. "Balthazar, do you know why Gabriel told you and Anna he was bisexual before me?"

When he looked up to his cousin his eyebrows were furrowed in puzzlement. "I've only known since this summer. He didn't tell me why he didn't tell you though. He's known for a while now from what I know. It took him a while to even come out to Anna. I don't think he's even told most of his friends. Maybe he was just scared."

"Yeah...maybe..." said Castiel, his heart still slightly stinging from Gabriels words the night before, but this talk with Balthazar was slowly making him feel better just as he predicted it would. Balthazar always knew the right things to say-under all that sarcasm.

"Who else knows your gay?" Balthazar asked.

"Just you and Gabriel. For now." He sighed, "I don't know when I'll tell anyone else. Or who for that matter."

His cousin patted his hand lightly, giving him a comforting smile, "It's all right, Cassie. You don't have to rush to tell everyone. Take you're time. I'm glad you trusted me with this though, and I swear on my mothers good name that I won't tell another soul without your consent."

"Thank you, Balthazar." Castiel leaned over to hug him tightly.

When they parted Balthazar ruffled his hair again and lightly patted his cheek, "My little baby cousin...you're growin' up so fast."

"Aw, cut it out," Castiel pushed his arms away, "I'm not that much younger than you."

"No, but you're still that same little six year old in overalls and rain-boots who would keep frogs in his pockets, and then let them run a muck in my mothers kitchen."

"They were my pets!" Castiel laughed.

"Twenty five of them, Castiel!" said Balthazar, "Twenty five frogs! How did you even manage to capture them all?!"

And just like that everything felt normal again. Castiel and Balthazar were joking just like they always had, and Castiel tried to remember why he thought coming out was such a big deal. He came out to the right people, and it didn't change anything. He didn't want to think about the lurking thoughts reminding him that the day would come where he would have to tell Chuck and the others too, but he pushed them away for another day.

Castiel was having a rather quiet Saturday to himself up in his bedroom reading peacefully out of his book when his phone went off. He leaned over and grabbed it from his bedside table and looked at who was calling. It was Dean.

"Hello, Dean." He said as soon as the phone was up to his ear.

"Hey, man, you doing anything tonight?"

"Tonight?"  
"Yeah."  
"No, I have no plans for this evening. Why?"  
"'cause Bennys parents are out of town for the weekend, and we were wondering if you would like to join us in a-uh-little fiesta with senore Vadoka."

Castiels heart jumped into his throat. They were inviting him to drink with them?

"Um-yeah, yeah sure. I'll come. Would you be able to pick me up?"  
"No prob, Cas! I'll be there in a bit."  
"Okay."

The line clicked dead, and Castiel jumped out of bed to run downstairs to find his father. He found him and Micheal and Lucifer all in the living room.

"Dad," he was a little winded from running so fast down the stairs, "can I go hang out with Dean and Benny tonight?"

Chuck looked up at him and asked, "Who's house?"

"Bennys."

"Are you staying the night?"  
"Yes."  
"Do I need to drive you?"  
"No, Dean said he can pick me up."  
"I don't see why not."  
"Thanks-"

"Well, hold up a second," Lucifer interrupted, making Castiel freeze as he turned to head back up stairs and collect his things, "how come whenever I go over to someones house you ask me a million questions?" he then mocked Chucks voice in a tone that didn't sound like their fathers voice at all, but more like a wounded talking cow, "'whose gonna be there?' 'are their parents gonna be there?' 'are there any girls there?' You didn't ask him any of that!"

Chuck barked a laugh, "That's because I trust him. You've slipped up one to many times, Luce, I know you better than that."

Lucifer huffed as Micheal taunted him with a laugh.

Castiel hurried away from the scene before anything turned ugly. He grabbed a bag and shoved any extra clothes he thought he would need and his phone charger. He then looked to his phone to see if Dean had said anything.

With no new messages from Dean, Castiel typed one out to him. He asked 'when are you coming to pick me up?'

He waited impatiently for a reply.

He was glad that his father hadn't asked him any of the questions that he usually asked Lucifer when he went out, because he wasn't sure if he would have been able to lie about it. His blood rushed with the thought of going to a house where someones parents weren't home, and they could possibly do whatever their hearts desired and no one could stop them. He was also quite happy that Dean had actually thought about him and invited him over. He had thought that perhaps Castiel would enjoy coming to Bennys and drinking with him. It made his heart rattle.

Castiel could feel something bouncing around inside of him, begging to get out. He wanted to do something exciting and daring, he felt like tonight he was actually going to get the taste of what rebellion was like. He was going to be breaking a rule, and nobody besides Benny and Dean were going to know about it. It was hard to keep this contained to himself. He felt like he had to absolutely let someone in on his excitement or else he would explode.

His phone buzzed.

Dean texted him that he was already outside waiting for him.

Castiel jumped back up from his bed and hastily pulled on his shoes. He slung his bag over his shoulder and stampeded back down the stairs, only flashing his hand at the back of his fathers head and a quick, "Bye, Dad!" as a warning that he was leaving.

"Oh!" Said Chuck, turning when he heard Castiel, "Well, bye, son! Have fun."

"I will!" He said, before closing the door behind him, and skipping down the porch steps to meet Dean at the Impala.

He grinned at Dean when their eyes made contact through the windshield. He slid into the passenger seat of the Impala, resting his over night bag on his lap.

"What're you so smiley about?" asked Dean, shifting the car into drive, and hitting his foot against the gas peddle.

Castiel rolled his shoulders, looking away shyly. "I've never been invited to a party before."

Dean laughed, "Well, this isn't really a party. It's just like a...get together type deal I guess. But hell, you know what? If you want it to be a party, Cas, then so be it."

Castiels grin grew wider.

"Have you ever been to parties, Dean?"  
"Eh, I've had my fair share of them I think. Haven't been invited to much since I moved down here. Mostly I just hang around Benny or Balthazar. Sometimes Andy, or some of Sammy's friends. But not really any crazy parties."

"Lucifer likes to party," Castiel said matter-of-factually, "One time he came home drunk with just a pink feathered boa around his neck and his boxer shorts."

Dean barked a laugh at the image. "Well, I've never done something like that. I just like gettin' buzzed. It's not that much fun once you're hammered like that."

"Dean," he said quietly, tracing his finger along the pattern of his bag, "I've never...I've never really drank before."

"Well, Cas, no offense, but that's not a surprise to me, buddy." Dean smirked at the road ahead of them. When Castiel didn't respond he turned to look at him and saw him staring out the passenger window. "Whats the matter?"

"Nothing I'm just...a little nervous I guess."

"Jesus, Cas," Dean rolled his eyes, "you don't have to be nervous about anything! It's not like I'm takin' you to a strip club or something. Whats there to be nervous about? It's just me and Benny."

Castiel rolled his shoulders again, sinking into the leather seat, "I'm not sure. I just feel...like something bad might happen."

Deans face softened as he gave a quick glance to Cas before turning to look back out at the road. He said kindly, "You don't gotta worry about stuff like that, buddy. Just have a good time, okay? And, I'll tell you what, if you feel uncomfortable at any time during the night about drinkin' or whatever else, you just tell me. Capisce?"

"I capisce."

"Good. Trust me, Cas, I ain't gonna let anything bad happen."

"Something's telling me that I shouldn't believe you." Castiel teased.

Dean turned to give him a playful glare and huffed, "I liked you better when you didn't talk."

When they pulled up into Bennys driveway the gravel crunched loudly under the tires. All the windows in the house were aglow with florescent light, and Castiel could see Bennys face peeking out from behind a curtain in one of the first story windows. When he saw the Impala pull up his face split into a gleeful grin, and he disappeared into the house, leaving the curtain swinging behind him.

When Castiel stepped outside the crickets and frogs were chirpping loudly at him. He hugged his bag to his chest, as anxiety started to crawl back up his stomach and chest. He was beginning to have second thoughts about this party. The adrenaline had worn off now, and he was wishing he was back home in his soft bed instead of here.

He hadn't ever really stayed the night away from his family before. He had always been sleeping in the same house as his siblings and parents. Besides that one field trip he had taken in sixth grade where his class had gotten to stay the night at a hotel after spending the day visiting the art museum and aquarium in Chicago. That night he had slept very close to his group chaperon, and had his stuffed plush bumblebee hugged to his chest because it smelled like home.

He didn't have his bumblebee here with him today though. It was sitting on a shelf back in his bedroom in Illinois. He did have Dean though. Dean seemed to be understanding of Castiels anxiousness, and perhaps he wouldn't mind if he would sleep a little closer to him tonight.

"Howdy, boys!" Benny greeted them as soon as Dean and Cas stepped inside the house. He was leaning against the door frame that lead into another room.

"Benny!" Dean called, his voice bouncing off the walls, "You got the goods?"

"Hell yes, 'course I do! Have I ever not come through for you, Winchester?"

"Awesome. C'mon, Cas." Dean looked over his shoulder to give him a grin, flicking his wrist towards the direction that he wanted Castiel to follow.

When they walked into the kitchen, Benny had the bottles all lined up neatly on the counter. He also had set up bowls full of pretzels and chips, and a stack of plastic cups stood on the corner of the counter. The bottles were either tinted a dark color, or were as clear as crystal. They looked as though they had never been opened. There were bottles of schnapps, and wine, and vodka.

Castiels stomach lurched nervously. He didn't know that Benny would have so many different types, he figured that they would just be drinking out of their own bottles. This looked more like it would have been for a larger party, not for a group of three. He looked to Dean to share his worry, but Dean hadn't been looking. He rubbed his palms greedily together and grinned.

"Let's get started shall we, Benjamin?"

Dean walked up to the plastic cups and began helping himself to some wine. Benny hurried to go join him, but then he seemed to finally notice Castiels existence.

"Hey, uh, Deano," He nudged his friend with his elbow, "is the angel drinkin'?"

Castiels fingers tightened around his bag that he was still clutching to his chest. He wasn't very sure what he wanted to do at that moment. He wanted to try drinking, but at the same time he wasn't sure.

When Dean looked up his eyes must had been wide because Dean took it that Castiel was afraid. He set the cup down and hurried back over to his friend, taking him by the shoulder and asking softly, "Everything okay, man?"

"I'm fine."  
"You wanna go home?"

"No!" Castiel gasped as though the very thought was horrifying, "I want to stay, Dean."

"Well, are you gonna drink? You don't have to drink anything if you don't want to. Benny and I aren't gonna get wasted. We're just gonna goof around and watch movies and stuff. You don't have to drink, Cas."

"Yeah, brother," Benny called from behind the counter, raising his plastic cup sloshing with his mothers wine, "no one here is forcin' ya! Tell ya what, angel, you can drink some of these here schnapps." He grabbed the flask holding the peach schnapps and started pouring some into a cup for Castiel, "they're not so bad. They don't have a lot of alcohol in 'em."

"...really?" He looked up to Dean for confirmation, unsure if he could believe Bennys words.

Dean nodded, "It takes you like nine or more shots to get drunk off of 'em. It tastes really sweet by itself, like its a dessert. You can just try it, and if you don't like it we won't push it on ya."

Castiel thought for a moment. Debating back and forth in his mind whether or not he should take the shot. Benny moved out from behind the counter, holding the schnapps out in front of him for Castiel to take.

He bit his teeth into his bottom lip, staring down at the clear liquid. One little drink couldn't hurt him would it? Besides, if he didn't like it Benny and Dean weren't going to make him drink anymore, and they were just going to watch movies for the rest of the night. He decided he would just try a little taste of it, it wouldn't be so bad. He wanted to do something exciting and daring; here it was looking back up at him with his reflection.

He took the plastic cup out of Bennys hand and raised it to his lips, letting the liquid slide into his mouth and over his tongue, falling down his throat. He brought the cup back down, licking his lips in thought. "You're right," he said, "that is sweet."

Benny and Dean grinned.

"Did you like it?" Dean asked.

Castiel continued licking his lips, nodding enthusiastically, "Can I have some more?"

The other two laughed as Dean ruffled Castiels hair and Benny said, "Sure ya can, angel!" Swiping the cup back out of his hands and going back to refill it.

The next thing Cas knew they were up in Bennys room. He had had a few more drinks of the Schnapps, and had agreed to mixing it with the vodka a few times. Even though it didn't taste nearly as sweet without. They were all sitting on Bennys carpet with the music playing Def Leopard. Or at least he thought it was Def Leopard. Maybe it was Cheap Trick. He wasn't sure to be completely honest. All he knew that it must had been a few hours or so since he had taken his first drink, because the sky was looking darker than it had before.

All of his life Castiel had hardly even looked at alcohol before. He had been such a goody goody that he somehow convinced himself that even being in the mere presence of beer, or wine, or schnapps was a sure fire way to get yourself a one way ticket to hell.  
Castiel knew better than that now. He was developing into someone that had always been hiding underneath his cross necklace. Someone who was always pressing to get out. He liked this new Castiel.

He swung back his head, taking another long slurp of the peach schnapps and vodka. When he held up the empty cup, Benny and Dean cheered. Castiel giggled at them, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"More?"

"I think you've had enough, pal." Dean warned.

Benny and Dean had a higher tolerance than Castiel did, which is way they were only feeling a buzz while Castiel was getting loopy.

He said to them, "Aw, c'mon," he swayed back and forth on the carpet, his head swimming and his eyes feeling as though they were knocking inside his skull like ping-pong balls, "I'm just havin' fuuunnn..." he hiccuped, placing his hand over his mouth as he did so, "'scuse me."

Dean and Benny snickered at him.

"Hey, brother," Benny nudged his friend, "I think that means your boyfriends gettin' loose."

"Shut up, Benny."

Castiel didn't seem to hear them. He was too distracted with the lyrics of the song. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and tilted his head back, so his face was turned towards the ceiling. He was trying to listen to the words. He needed to know what this song was. He knows he had heard it before somewhere, he just couldn't place it.

He hummed along with the song, bobbing his head to and fro with the beat.

He then opened his eyes to see that Dean and Benny had been watching him. His mouth creeped slowly into a smile and he said, "Dean..."

"Yes?" He replied, choking back giggles.

He leaned forward slightly and patted Deans cheek, still holding that small goofy smile on his face. His blue eyes were glassy looking, and hooded by his drooping eyelids, "Dean...you're my best friend. My...my fuckin' best friend."

"God, I love it when you swear." Dean snorted, raising the wine bottle they had brought up here to his lips.

"Shut the fuck up, assbutt," Castiel slurred, falling back into his original place, "you-you corrupted me! I used to-I went to Catholic school! You got me...got me into this..."

Dean laughed again, practically choking on his drink, "Trust me, Cas. This version suits you much better."

Castiel became distracted by the lyrics again. His were moving to sing the lyrics quietly to himself. He just still couldn't quite figure out who was singing this song, and what it was called.

"What is this song?" He mumbled.

"Angel by Aerosmith." Answered Dean.

"It's practically your song. Aw, how adorable! Dean an' Cas sittin' a tree-" Benny cooed, and Dean punched him in the arm.

"Aha!" Castiel said as though he had just had a Eureka moment, completely ignoring the others, "Angel! My mother used to play this song in the car...my mother..." Something sparked in his train of thought that told him something that Castiel couldn't help but think was the most brilliant and hilarious idea at the time.

"Hey, hey, hey! Can you guys-" he choked on a burp, interrupting himself, "can you guys keep a secret for me?"

"Sure we can, brother." Said Benny, rubbing the sore spot on his arm that Dean had been hitting.

Castiel started giggling again, his cup crinkled in his hand as he sat forward on his knees, pressing his wrists into the carpet to get closer to them as he whispered, "I'm...gay." He looked at the blank opened mouth stares he was getting from his friends, but he felt no connection. "Oh, God, am I so gay." He then started laughing so hard he fell backwards and almost hit his head on Benny's bedpost. "But don't!" He suddenly remembered something, the purpose he had thought of telling them this. He held up a finger at the two to show that he had something else to say, "don't tell my mommy. Whatever you do don't tell her. Or else she might send me back to...church camp." He started giggling again. "Church camp!" he howled as though there was some sort of hidden joke that Benny and Dean weren't getting, "Church camp! Oh, god!"

"Cas...you're...you're really gay?" Dean sputtered. "But...I thought..."

"Weird I know! My mother shipped me off to Catholic school for the first eight years of my schooling-and I'm still flaming!" He snorted, choking on tears of laughter, "all those years of singin' Kumbaya did nothin'! Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph! Don't tell my mom I'm gay,then she just might never come back! Don't...don't tell her..." the laughter slowly started dying away, and Castiels face was paling quickly, "Oh, God I feel sick." He leaned back on his knees, his stomach rejecting the schnapps and vodka he had guzzled down so quickly. He suddenly felt very cold, but he could feel beads of sweat trickling down his forehead and neck. "Don't tell anyone I'm gay. They won't love me anymore. They won't want..."

"Cas?" Dean whispered.

Castiels fingers were curling into the carpet. He was on the verge of either crying or vomiting all over Bennys bedroom floor, and he was using every fiber of his being to hold back both. Only a few distressed whimpering noises managed to escape his throat. "Fuck." He muttered.

"Cas...?" He felt Deans hand place itself of his shoulder, "Cas it's okay. You're okay, Cas..."

"No..." he hissed at the carpet, hot tears managing to escape the barriers he had built up, "All the pain I caused...I have to make things right..."

"What is he talking about?" Benny muttered.

"I have no idea..." said Dean, "Cas...what do you mean? What are you talking about?"

His watering blue eyes flicked away from the carpet and pierced into Deans skull. "She's gone because of me, Dean. It's my fault everyone's the way they are now. It's my fault my father is depressed. It's all my fault...I have to fix it. But-" his breath hitched again as tears overflowed his eyes, "but how am I gonna fix it when-when-...I'm just making things worse..."

Deans forehead went from a confused crease to a softened expression as he began to understand what Castiel meant. His face turned crestfallen, and his grip on his friends shoulder tightened. "Cas..." his voice broke, "Cas, man, don't-don't say that. Don't."

Castiel looked away from him. Embarrassed to be crying in front of him and Benny.

"Cas." His tone turned hard as he placed his other hand on Castiels shoulder, "Cas. Castiel look at me."

When his friend still refused Dean pulled Castiel up to his knees and wrapped him into a bone crushing hug. His chin resting on the back of Castiels shoulder and his arms locked in a death grip around Castiels back. Even if he tried to squirm to get free he wouldn't be able to. His hand balled into a fist around Castiels shirt and he let out a shaky breath before speaking, as though he was holding back tears. But Castiel couldn't wrap his head around why Dean should be crying.

"Everything's going to be okay, buddy," he said, "you don't need her. You don't need to fix anything, Cas. You don't."

"Dean-" He said weakly, the tears staining Deans shirt.

"You're perfect just the way you are. Don't ever change, Cas. Don't you ever."

Castiel finally folded his arms under Deans armpits and hugged him back, squeezing him like he was his bumblebee plush. His chest feeling as though it were on fire and his stomach twisting with what felt like anxiety. But he wasn't sure if that was actually from the alcohol. He buried his face into Deans shoulder, finally letting loose all that he was trying so hard to hold back.

"What am I going to do, Dean?" He muttered thickly, "my-my family-"

Dean rocked them from side to side as he combed a comforting hand through Castiels hair, his cheek pressed against his ear. When he spoke it was so rumbly and gruff Cas could feel it vibrate his bones. "You're going to be fine." He promised. "Don't worry about them. You're going to be just fine."

And for some reason; Castiel believed him.


	9. What About Last Night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered pressing his face into Deans chest as the last of his tears dried away, and how Deans arms were wrapped tightly around his back, his face pressed into his hair. He remembered Dean was whispering something to him, but he couldn't think of the words. He just knew that they were calming and supportive. He remembered hearing Benny snoring and he groaned, "Shut him up before I kill him." Dean started laughing and told Benny that he was snoring too loud for Cas to sleep. He remembered hearing Bennys footsteps fade away into the hallway as he went to go sleep in his parents bedroom, and how Deans arms wrapped a little bit tighter around him when he was gone.

Castiel awoke the next morning with his face very close to Deans. He sat up in surprise from being nose to nose with that many freckles, and as soon as he did the room started spinning. He groaned, and collapsed back down at the pillow he had been sleeping on. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, squeezing his eyes shut to make the spinning stop.

Once he was sure that the spinning stopped, and he wasn't going to hurl, he tried to remember the details of last night and how he had ended up laying on Bennys bedroom floor nose to nose with Dean Winchester.

It was all foggy, and difficult to decipher. His brain was throbbing and making it almost impossible to even remember his own name.

He decided figuring out the details of their party wasn't very important right now. He just wanted to get some more sleep. He turned back around on his side to face Dean and fall back asleep, but Dean was just starting to wake up.

He yawned widely, turning on his back to stretch one arm up across the floor and over his head. He sighed out of his nose as he tucked both arms behind his head and scratched the back of his hair. When he noticed Castiel was awake also he smiled sleepily.

"'Mornin', Cas."  
"Good morning, Dean." Castiel replied groggily.

"Ya look a little green there, buddy," Dean teased, "You feelin' all right?"

Castiel just groaned in response, nuzzling his face into his pillow.

"What happened...?" his voice was mumbled by the pillow, "Why are we sleeping like this? Where's Benny?"

"Castiel...do you remember anything from last night?" Dean asked softly.

Cas turned his head back over to face Dean, he rubbed the ankle of his wrist to his eye, his head pounding against his skull to the beat of his heart. "Ugh..." he groaned, "Sorta...? Its all kinda fuzzy..."

Dean huffed a fake laugh, "Figures..." He turned back over so now the back of his head was facing Castiel. Cas frowned at it, sitting up on his elbows too quickly that the room started spinning.

" _Ughh_..." He held his head in his hands, cringing. His stomach curdled, threatening to hack up everything that had been inside there since yesterday. "This is not fun, Dean."

Dean chuckled and it echoed around the house, making Castiel cringe more from the noise. "Don't do that, please."

Dean got up from the floor, and he offered a hand to Cas. "C'mon. I'll make you something."

Castiel glared up at him, eating was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"It'll make you feel better, I promise."

With another groan, Castiel obliged. He took Deans hand, and after a moment of trying to remember how to walk without puking all over Bennys bedroom floor, Dean took him downstairs.

Castiel repeated his question from a few moments ago, "Where is Benny? I didn't see him in his bed."

"He slept in his parents bed last night." Dean replied, taking Castiel into the kitchen and making him sit down at the table. Castiel watched him go through the refrigerator and the cupboards, mumbling to himself about what he was looking for.

"Why?" Cas asked.

"'Cause I made him. He snores like a friggen' donkey when he sleeps. I'm used to it, but you were bitchin' and moanin' about it last night."

"I was?" Castiel blinked, squinting his eyes as he tried his hardest to remember anything from last night. It was all just coming in foggy pictures in his mind; none of it was making sense to him. He ran his hand through his hair, scratching his scalp to possibly shake some memories loose, but it was no good. "What happened last night, Dean?"

"Nothin'." Dean rolled his shoulders, once he had found what he was looking for he then exclaimed, "Aha! There it is!" making Castiel cringe from the noise. "Oh, sorry, Cas."

"How are you not hungover?" He asked Dean, turning his head to see him pouring tomato juice into a glass.

"I've had my fair share of hangovers, buddy," he answered, "I know my limit." He then pulled out a bottle of vodka and began pouring it into the drink as well.

"No, no!" Castiel shook his hands in denial, "I am not drinking anymore of  _that_!"

Dean laughed, walking towards his friend with the drink in his hand. He sat down in the chair next to him and slid the glass across the table to Castiel. "It'll make you feel better I promise."

Castiel gave him a glare. He was fairly certain that if he drank anymore of that Vodka he would throw up, and he defiantly didn't want to do any of that.

"C'mon, Cas," said Dean, "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Castiel didn't respond because he knew it was true. Dean hadn't ever done anything to hurt Castiel on purpose, he always had his best intentions to make sure Castiel was comfortable and having a good time. He could trust Dean, and he did.

With a disgruntled huff he took the glass and raised it to his lips, downing the drink in a few gulps and then wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Yuck."

Dean just snickered at him.

"This is supposed to make me feel better?" Castiel rolled his tongue, trying to get the taste out of his mouth, "How exactly?"

"Beats me," Dean rolled his shoulder, "I just know it works. I don't get any of the mumbo jumbo that goes behind it."

"Great."

Dean changed the subject.

"So you really don't remember anything?"

" _Ugh_..." Castiel pressed the ankle of his wrists against his eyes hard enough to see spots. He wracked his brains some more, attempting to remember anything. He wanted to remember, because it was bothering him that he couldn't. He remembered something about a song. They were listening to music in Bennys room, and something about this song...it meant something to Cas...what was it again?

"We were..." he said slowly, "listening to music in Bennys room?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Dean, "we were."

"Uhh..." Castiel pressed harder to remember. The memory's were coming back to him in fuzzy bits and pieces. He could hardly grasp them they were so flimsy. "I remember...I think I remember falling asleep on the carpet...and you...you asked if I wanted to sleep on Bennys bed and I said...I said something that made you laugh...what was so funny?"

Dean smirked, "You said 'hell no, if I move I'm puking all over you.' Then you just crashed."

"Yeah, yeah," Castiel nodded, his palms still pressed against his eyelids, "I remember now. You were mad 'cause I wouldn't let go of your shirt. And...was I...Was I crying?" He looked up and squinted at Dean next to him, he couldn't make out whether or not that had been a dream. It almost seemed too real to not be. A fuzzy memory of looking up into Deans face as hot tears ran down his cheeks swirled through his mind. But what had he been crying about?

"Why would I be crying?" he asked, still looking at Dean with his puzzled expression.

"Well uh..." Dean scratched the back of his neck, he was pretending to think, but Castiel could see right through him. He was thinking of a lie to tell Castiel. Or at least tell him something to avoid the truth, "beats me. You were pretty hammered, pal. Some people are just sad drunks."

"You're lying."  
"What? No I'm not."  
"Yes you are. You're lying to me. What happened last night, Dean?"

"It's not important." Dean took Castiels empty glass and went to toss it in the sink.

"Dean." Castiels tone went hard. He twisted in his chair to glare at the back of Deans head. He was avoiding telling something to him, and it was obviously something about Castiel. This was just making him more frustrated because Dean knew something about last night and Castiel couldn't remember it for the life of him. He had no idea what could have happened, but whatever it was it was making Dean lie to him, and he didn't like that.

"Why don't you just tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"If you don't tell me I'll just ask Benny." He threatened. He didn't expect it to be a very good threat, but it was the only one he could think of. Dean turned to snap him a glare anyway, so he figured it couldn't have been that bad. He obviously had hit a nerve. Dean didn't seem to like the thought of Benny spinning the tale of last nights antics for whatever reason.

Dean turned back towards the sink, pressing his hands against the counter and sighing, "You're not gonna like it." he said slowly. "You're especially not gonna like it if you have Benny tell ya."

"I'm sure I can handle it."

"Fine. I'll tell you." He walked back towards the table but didn't sit down, he only pressed his hands against the top so he could lean against it. He looked his friend in the eyes and said without missing a beat, "You cried 'cause we were listening to Angel by Aerosmith and it reminded you of your mom. There."

Castiel frowned, his eyebrows knitting together as the memory came swimming back. Yes, he remembered listening to Angel now. He remembered thinking about his mother, but that didn't seem to be the part that upset him.

"You're lying again." he said sharply. "There's something else you're not telling me."

Deans face contorted into irritation. He obviously didn't like it when someone was able to see through his lies.

"Why don't you just tell me?" asked Cas, "Is it really worth lying about?"

"I just..." Dean ran his hand through his hair, "I don't think you wanted me and Benny to know."

Now Castiels anxiety was raking against his lungs. What had he told them last night? There were probably a million of embarrassing things that could have slipped out under the influence of alcohol, Castiel just wasn't sure which one. His brain continued reeling as he tried his best to remember exactly what he had told Benny and Dean, but nothing was surfacing.

He said slowly, "What did I say?"

Dean ran his palm over his face, groaning with agitation. This wasn't a subject he felt like discussing. He was having trouble finding the right words to spit it out. "I...look it's not a big deal, really-I mean-you know Benny and me. We don't care! You know 'cause like...I'm bi you know? Why would we care what...that-"

"Dean..." Castiels heart was pounding against his ribs. His eyes were now wide with fear and the anxiety was crawling all over his body, slithering down to pool in his stomach and cause white hot spikes to stab at his brain. He gripped the bottom end of his shirt tightly in his fists, wrinkling the material. "What are you talking about." Though he already knew exactly what Dean was trying to say.

"I know you're gay, Cas."

His heart plummeted into his gut. He had twisted the end of his shirt practically into a knot, and he felt like exploding. He didn't want to come out to Dean like this. It was too soon. He wanted to be friends with him longer before he told him. He especially didn't want to tell Benny either. He wasn't as good of friends with Benny as he was with Dean. The anxiety swirling all over his veins was white hot and highly uncomfortable.

"O-oh." Was all he could say.

"Thats why I didn't want to tell you," Dean continued softly, "because I didn't think you really wanted us to know. Now it's just going to be...awkward."

"What else happened?" He said quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap. The memories were coming back to him now. He remembered making a total ass of himself in front of Dean and Benny, how he was laughing as the hilarious 'jokes' he was making. He remembered almost puking all over Bennys floor, and crying into Deans shoulder, but after that everything turned fuzzy again.

"I said that maybe it was time to go to sleep, and Benny said that you could sleep in his bed if you wanted to, but you said you only wanted to sleep next to me. Bennys bed wasn't big enough for both of us so I made us a little make shift bed on the ground..."

Castiel was remembering now. He remembered pressing his face into Deans chest as the last of his tears dried away, and how Deans arms were wrapped tightly around his back, his face pressed into his hair. He remembered Dean was whispering something to him, but he couldn't think of the words. He just knew that they were calming and supportive. He remembered hearing Benny snoring and he groaned, "Shut him up before I kill him." Dean started laughing and told Benny that he was snoring too loud for Cas to sleep. He remembered hearing Bennys footsteps fade away into the hallway as he went to go sleep in his parents bedroom, and how Deans arms wrapped a little bit tighter around him when he was gone.

"Thats all that happened," said Dean, "you went to sleep, and that was it." he had left out the part of Castiel being pressed up against him, and how Dean had made it a point to make sure he was okay. He didn't mention any of that stuff. Castiel wondered why he hadn't, but he didn't ask. He tucked those memories away into the back of his mind for another day, for now they would just be his own.

Castiel sighed, his hands clinging to his hair as he propped his elbows on the table. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Sorry? You're sorry? For what?" He sputtered.

"For making a complete ass of myself."

"Ah, Cas," Dean sighed, finally sitting back down in the chair next to him, "you're fine. We all do it once or twice."

"Yeah, but I bet you didn't come out to Benny when you were wasted."  
"Well...that's true. But, Cas, it's all right. It's me and Benny ya'know? At least it was us instead of your brothers or something. We're not going to tell anyone, buddy. This is your thing, and we're not going to go around talking about it. You can trust us."

Castiel sighed, picking up his eyes slightly to glance at his friend. "I know I can." he said, "But, it was still not how I intended to come out to you. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to come out to Benny. I've only just told Gabriel and Balthazar I wanted...I don't know..."

"Cas, you're fine."

"I'm never drinking again." He said.

Dean just huffed another laugh, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smirk, "That may be a wise choice on your part. You become a blabber mouth when you're drunk."

Castiel kicked at his shin under the table and Dean kicked him back.

"Asshat." Dean called him.

"Yeah, well..." Castiel racked his brains with a comeback, his eyes were feeling heavy with the desire for sleep and he would have very much liked to go up into Bennys room and sleep in his bed until next week. "You...breed with the mouth of a goat."

Dean busted out laughing, making Castiels eardrums throb, but he couldn't help but laugh too because he realized that Dean wouldn't have understood the joke.

"What the hell?" Dean exclaimed, his head pressed against the table he had been laughing so hard.

"It's an inside joke in my family. It was the first thing I could think of."

"Man, go to sleep," Dean got up from his chair and rubbed his hand on top of Castiels hair roughly, "you need it."

Castiel took that as permission to leave the kitchen and fall back asleep in Bennys bed, but he didn't quite make it there. He crashed on the couch in the living room and curled up into a ball with the air conditioning from the window across from him blowing directly into his face. It was a nice feeling. His stomach had already somewhat calmed down from Deans drink he had made, and now that the AC was keeping him cool he felt much more comfortable. He couldn't move if someone paid him to at that moment, his limbs glued into place and his eyes refused to open. He felt someones presence and then a blanket being draped over him as the voice mumbled, "mouth of a goat..." it chuckled, "gosh, Cas, what am I gonna do with you..."

Castiel wanted to respond, but he was asleep before he was able to.

XxX

It was later than Castiel originally planned on when he finally woke up from his sleep. He could hear Dean and Benny were in the room with him talking softly over something that was playing on the television. When he stirred their voices stopped.

Castiel propped himself up on his elbows and ran his palm over his face, dragging the corners of his mouth down with his forefinger and his thumb. "What time is it?" He asked groggily.

"Three thirty." said Benny, "your dad called ya."

"Three thirty?!" He nearly fell off the couch, scrambling to look for his phone. His father was probably flipping his lid by now. Castiel hadn't told him how late he was going to be staying at Bennys today, and he had been sleeping through his phone calls, "My dads going to kill me! I was supposed to-"

"We talked to him," Dean interrupted. "Don't worry about it."

Now Castiel was very worried.

"What did you say to him?"

"We said you stayed up too late last night watchin' Lord of the Rings with us and you were sleeping," Dean replied, not taking his eyes away from the movie that was playing, "we said we didn't wanna wake you. He was cool with it."

"Cool...with it?"  
"Cool with it." He repeated.

"Oh..." said Castiel. He noticed that his headache had gone away now, and his stomach had settled. He was grateful that he no longer felt like he was going to throw up, and instead felt a gnawing hunger in his stomach. "Did he say what time I should be home?"

"I told him I'd take ya home when you got up. Feelin' better, buddy?"

Castiel nodded, sitting up on his knees now and stretching his arms to pop out any of the kinks he had gotten during his sleep, "Much. May I have something to eat?"

"'Course, Cas," Dean jumped up from his seat grinning from ear to ear. He seemed happy now that Castiel was feeling better from his hangover, and he walked into the kitchen to grab him something to eat. "Benny and I ordered pizza for lunch. Nothin' special. Just pepperoni."

"That's fine."

As he waited for Dean to bring him his food he turned towards the T.V. to watch what was playing. It was the The Desolation of Smaug. Castiel sat back, pressing his back against the arm of the couch, and yawned again. "How long have you two been waiting for me to wake up?" he asked Benny.

"Well, we got through The Hobbit, and now we're in the middle of Desolation-so quite a while." He answered, listing the movies off on his fingers. He then added, giving Castiel a suggestive grin, "You and Deano have a good nights sleep last night? He won't tell me anythin' 'bout it."

"We slept fine, thank you."

"Well, obviously not, since you slept half the day away, angel. Were you two busy last night?"

Castiel frowned at him darkly. "Dean doesn't like me that way. We are friends, Benny. Nothing else. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean-"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Benny raised his hands in defense, his blue eyes going round,"I wasn't tryin' to insult ya or nothin', angel! I was just messin' with ya!"

Castiels dislike for Benny was growing. He didn't like him, but he also didn't not like him. It was conflicting. Since that day at the pond Castiels feelings towards Benny were often sour. He decided that from now on he would simply tolerate Benny for Deans sake. He was Deans and Balthazars friend, and because of that he would allow Benny to be his...he wasn't sure what to call Benny actually. He was just Benny.

He pretended to accept Bennys apology and turned back towards the television.

Dean returned with still slightly warm pizza and a glass of ginger ale. "Just in case you still feel a little sick," he said, "my mom used to give it to me when my stomach hurt."

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean flashed him a kind smile before returning to his spot in the chair closest to the T.V.

They didn't talk while Castiel ate, and they watched the movie. Castiel thought it was maybe because Dean was so into it. He wrote a mental note to himself that Dean liked the Lord of the Rings movies.

As the movie was just starting to end, Castiels phone started buzzing on the coffee table in front of him. He picked it up and saw that it was his cousin.

"Yes, Balthazar?" He answered, slightly confused as to why his cousin would be calling him.

"Castiel Shurley!" He shouted through the phone, and Castiel was fairly certain that Benny and Dean could hear him, "What are you doing over at Benny's house?!"

"Uhh..."  
"And don't you lie to me! I know Benny's parents are out of town!"  
"I was just-"  
"Did you drink?"  
"Balthazar-"  
"Oh, lord, you're wasted aren't you. I knew it. Those two have gone and ruined you! I knew it! My poor, poor, baby cousin! As soon as Gabriel told me you had spent the night over there...Also why wasn't  _I_  invited?!"

"Ummm..." Castiel looked to Dean and Benny for help. "We-we really didn't drink anything, Balthazar," he said, "we just uh-stayed up and talked all night..."

"Hmmm..." his cousin tisked on the other line, "I'm sure. Did you have fun with my friends?"

"Yes." he said, feeling a smile tug at his lips from Balthazars teases, "and I'm sure they had the intention of inviting you-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Balthazar snorted, "I know why they don't invite me-"

"It's cause last time he went crazy, and we lost him!" Shouted Benny, "We found him in the wine cellar like an hour later-"

"- _Surrounded_  by wine bottles-" Dean snickered, remembering the picture.

"-he nearly drank everything! I was grounded for two months because of him!"

"Blame everything on the English guy I geddit." Balthazar sighed dramatically over the phone, "I just may get...a wee but tipsy when I drink wine, Cassie."

"A  _wee bit_." Benny huffed sarcastically.

"Hm, I suppose I'll talk to you later, Cassie. When you're not surrounded by my hooligan friends who snatch up innocent sixteen year old boys, and turn them into rebels like them, like they're some kind of bloody cult-" Castiel laughed, and he could practically hear his cousin smiling on the other line, "I'll see you tomorrow at the fair. Ta-ta, Cassie!"

"Goodbye, Balthazar."

The line clicked dead.

"You're going to the fair tomorrow?" Dean asked.

Castiel rolled his shoulders, "I guess I am. When are you going?"

"Well, looks like I'm goin' tomorrow." Dean flashed him a pearly white grin, and Castiel felt a swirl of warmth rush inside his gut that made him smile back.

Benny groaned, "Getta room you two."

Dean tossed a couch pillow at his head.

XxX

Castiel went home without his family being any the wiser of how he spent the night before. Nobody even asked what they did, they only asked if Cas had fun with Dean and Benny, and all he had to answer with was yes. His blood rushed with the excitement of keeping this secret. It made him feel rebellious, and cool. Like Dean.

Castiel asked his father if he could spend his time at the fair with Dean, Balthazar, Benny, and Sam. Chuck saw no reason why he couldn't. Though Samandriel was rather jealous that he couldn't hang out with the big kids as well.

"Dean is my friend too!" He whined, "Why can't I go with them?"

"You're still too young, Samandriel," Chuck had told him kindly, "and Castiel wants to spend some time with his friends. When you're older you'll understand."

Samandriel still pouted the rest of the evening.

They arrived at the fair early the next afternoon, meeting up with their Aunt and Uncle and cousins in the parking lot. Gabriel immediately went to Balthazars hip and started to try and talk his way into hanging out with them as well.

"C'mon, don't make me hang out with these losers all damn day," he hitched a thumb back towards their family, "I already live with them. Isn't that enough torture?"

Balthazar met Castiels gaze and rolled his shoulders, "I don't mind, Gabey. What do you have to say, Cas? It would make it an even number."

Castiel gave his brother a sideways glare before finally sighing, "All right. You can come. But no funny business, Gabriel."

"Funny business?" He scoffed, "I am the poster child for good behavior,  _Asstiel_."

Castiel slugged his shoulder for calling him that dumb pet name that he and Lucifer thought to be so funny. They hadn't called him that in quite some time, so he had hoped that they had forgotten about it and given it up. He had thought wrong apparently.

"Is that half-pint gonna be here too? The lil' Winchester? With the mop-head." asked Gabriel, rubbing his shoulder where it smarted.

"You mean Sam?" Asked Balthazar.

"Yeah, him! He coming too?"  
"Yes, Sam will be here."  
"Sweet."

Balthazar and Castiel exchanged puzzled glances before Castiel turned back to his brother and asked, "Why?"

"What do you mean why? I can't ask a simple question? The kid's funny."

"You hate kids."  
"I do not! I'm nice to Samandriel aren't I? Besides, I'd hardly count Sam as a kid."

Balthazar found an opportunity to tease Gabriel, and his a hint of a trickster glinted in his eyes, "Geez, Gabriel, I had no idea you'd be into the nerdy type."

"Dude, gross!" Gabriel preteneded to gag, "he's like thirteen! I'm pretty sure thats illegal in like-every state. I just think he's funny!"

They arrived at the ticket booth were they would have to pay to get their arm bands to be able to go on rides and to get inside the fair. Chuck and Uncle Joshua went up to pay for everyone as their children waited patiently to be called up to get their wrist bands.

"Sure you do, Gabey, sure you do." Balthazar grinned devilishly as he patted his cousins cheek lightly, "You sick little pervert."

"I'm not the pervert! You are!" Gabriels ears started to burn red as he glared at Balthazar.

"Whats this about Gabriel being pervert?" Lucifer swooped in, raising his eyebrows wickedly, "because I'm sure I can support that theory."

"Shut up, Luce!" Gabriel tried to shove him away, pressing his shoulder into his older brothers chest. Lucifer didn't even budge. "This doesn't concern you!"

"'Course it does! If it involves picking on you." He grinned.

Gabriel huffed, digging his feet into the ground and pressing with all his might against Lucifer to get him to leave. Their older brother stood his ground, laughing and rolling his eyes at his younger brothers failing attempts. Gabriel was muttering under his breath, "Leave me...alone...asshat..."

"Aw, what ever happened to being my best pal forever?" Lucifer pretended to pout.

"That was...when I was...four..." Gabriels sneakers were kicking up dirt, and his face was growing red from how hard he was trying to move Lucifer. "Now move...your bubble butt...out of here..."

"Lucifer," Chuck called, "leave your brothers alone."

"Aw," Lucifer obeyed and took a step aside, almost making Gabriel fall flat in the dirt. "We were bonding, Dad!"

"I'm sure."

Castiel found it odd that Gabriel didn't want Lucifer around. He knew that Gabriel and Lucifer weren't  _always_ around each other, but Gabriel had never really reacted that way towards their older brother. He really wanted Lucifer to leave him alone, and he didn't quite know why. Perhaps he would ask about it later.

After they bought their wrist bands to get the rides, they waved goodbye to their family to go in search of the others. Dean had told Castiel earlier through text that they would be waiting by the Ferris wheel.

The smells of the deep fryer and sweetness filled the air as they walked. Carnies called out to them from their booths to try and convince the boys to play their carnival games, promising them that they were guaranteed a prize.

Castiel looked around at all the rides swirling around beside them. The last time he had been to a county fair was when he was thirteen and he threw up after going on one ride. His mother took him home and he hadn't been to one since. Just looking at these rides made his stomach do a sort of flip flop.

"Oh, we gotta go on that one, boys!" Balthazar exclaimed, pointing up towards a ride called The Fireball. It locked you in seats that were lined up in a circle, so everyone was facing each other. Their feet dangled off the edge, and it looked like a giant fire colored claw. It was lifted off the ground and then not only twisted, but swung back and forth, going almost high enough for them to flip completely.

Castiel winced.

"Ah...I'm not so sure about that one for me..."

"What?" Balthazar barked, "C'mon, Cassie! It's not so bad!"

"Yeah, it'll be fun!" added Gabriel, "Once we go on some other rides you'll wanna go on it."

Castiel made a face at them like he wasn't so sure if he believed them.

"You're not gonna throw up if that's what you're afraid of." His brother snorted.

Just then, as though it were planned to actually make Gabriel eat his own words and cause a moment of hilarity, someone ran off The Fireball to the nearest trash bin and hacked all their guts out.

Gabriel turned to look at the kid, and then turned back to Castiel who stood with his arms folded across his chest and stared at him with a you-where-saying-glare.

Gabriel held up his finger and said, "That is irrelevant. Don't eat anything, and you'll be fine."

"Right."

Not long after that they reached the Ferris wheel were they stumbled upon the scene of Sam trying to convince Dean to let him go on a ride by himself.

"You're not tall enough!" Dean told him.

"I am too! Just let me go! I'll be okay! I'm not a baby! Please, Dean, please?"  
"Sammy I said no."  
"Dean! I'm thirteen! I can do it!"  
"Sammy-"

"Samantha if you don't stop whinin' we're gonna go pay a visit to that Dunk the Clown guy." Benny threatened, obviously annoyed with the brotherly bickering.

Sams green eyes flew wide, and he grabbed a hold of the ends of his brothers jacket. His face had shown fear, but he pretended as though he didn't care. "D-do it! I'm not afraid of him anymore!"

"Oh, really?" Benny raised his eyebrows, "Why don't you go say hi then?"

Sam scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue at Benny, his hands still balled into fists on Deans jacket.

"Hey-yo, boys!" Balthazar called to them, cupping one hand around his mouth and using the other to wave. When they heard his voice they all picked up their heads and hurried over to meet them in the middle.

"Hi, Gabriel!" Sam greeted at once, "Hi, Cas. Hi, Balthazar."

"Hey, kiddo," Gabriel ruffled the top of Sams head roughly, messing up his neatly combed hair. "How's it swinging?"

"Dean won't let me go on the Twister by myself," Sam said, running his hands through his hair to put it back in place, "he says I'm too short, and he won't go on it with me 'cause he wanted to wait for Cas."

"Well, Cas is here now!" Gabriel said brightly, holding out his arms to present his brother as though he were on display. "How about we go take a look at that Twister?"

"Yeah!" Sam bounced on his heels, looking up at Dean pleadingly.

His brother rolled his eyes and smiled, "Go on! Have Gabriel text Cas when you're done."

"Okay!" Sam took Gabriel by the wrist and pulled him in the direction of the ride, "C'mon, Gabriel! Hurry up!"

"Aw, Gabriel just loves kids," Balthazar cooed, making Castiel break out into a fit of giggles, "Right, Gabey?"

Gabriel shot him an angry look and stuck up his middle finger at his cousin with his free hand as Sam dragged him away. "Sickos" he mouthed.

"What was that about?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

"Oh, nothing," said Balthazar, batting the subject away with his hand. He exchanged a glance with Castiel and they both started giggling, "just...a family joke."

"Oh," said Dean, "like the one with the goat?"

Balthazar snorted a laugh, looking to his cousin, "You told him that one?"

Cas rolled his shoulder sheepishly. "Sorta."

"Well, anyway, boys," he sighed, blowing all the giggles away with a breath. He then slapped his palms together and rubbed them greedily, grinning happily, "What shall we go on first?"


	10. Not The Friend Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam started babbling a million miles a second, it was almost impossible to keep up with what he was saying. "We-we got off the ride and Gabriel wanted to get some cotton candy so-so I went with him and...and we saw Azazel and Alistair and Zachariah and-and they recognized me from when we egged their house, and they tried to get after me but-but Gabriel stopped them, and Alistair told him he better get outta the way or else he was gonna hit him, and when Gabriel didn't move he hit him and Gabriel punched him back, and I just-I ran off to find you 'cause I knew Gabriel-"
> 
> "Okay, Sammy, okay," Dean said calmly, peeling Sam off of his waist to look him in the face, "breathe, little brother. Take a breather. Show me where you left Gabriel."

"...Can we-uh-look at the animals instead?" Castiel asked quietly. He was fidgeting with the end of his shirt nervously, looking up at the others with hopful eyes. He really didn't want to get sick in front of them. It would be very embarrassing.

Balthazar, Benny, and Dean all looked at him as though he had just suggested they should go commit a murder.

"You wanna go look at the animals?" Benny scoffed.

"Yes."

"Cas, dude," Dean laughed awkwardly, "that's uh...we're not going to look at the animals right now."

"We'll let you pick the first ride, Cassie," Balthazar patted his shoulder lightly, "how about that?"

"Well..." He sighed, his eyes grazing over all the different rides surrounding them. They all seemed to have the same purpose-spin you around as fast as they can until your brains probably turn to goop. Castiel couldn't decide which one looked the least harmless without seeming like a big baby. "How about...that one?" he pointed the pirate ship. All it did was swing you back and forth, and it didn't seem like it went very high.

When he offered it the others seemed keen to his idea, so it seemed like he had made a good decision. The seats on the ride were big enough for all four of them to sit inside one, Castiel sat in the middle next to Balthazar and Dean. According to Benny, Castiel had apparently picked his favorite ride and made them sit at the very end of it. Cas thought to himself that if he had known this before he may not had picked it.

Once everyone else who had wanted to go on this ride were seated, the carnie running it pressed a switch and the boat started to slowly swing back and forth. Castiel didn't think this was so bad, and he wondered why Benny liked this ride so much. It seemed like an easy and slow one.

Castiel had thought wrong.

With every swing the ship was getting higher and higher. Every time it swung back Castiel felt his stomach drop in fear of falling forward. His hands latched onto the bar in front of him tightly and he pushed himself back against the seat. Balthazar laughed at him. Benny was sitting with his arms waving in the air, shouting with glee.

"Don't laugh at me!" Castiel hissed at his cousin.

"You're the one who picked this ride, darling." Balthazar replied.

"Don't be scared, dude," Dean said into his ear next to him, "I don't really like this ride either. Just close your eyes, okay?"

Castiel immediately squeezed his eyes shut tight, and clamped tighter onto the bar in front of him. Closing his eyes did help a bit, but his stomach still dropped every time he felt them being swung forward. He squinted open one eye to look over at Dean, to see if he was also throwing his hands in the air like Benny was or laughing like Balthazar was. But Dean had his eyes closed too. His face was scrunched up in displeasure, and his hands seemed to be refusing to let go of the bar as well. Castiel closed his eyes again, his heart pumping with warmth.

When the ride ended Castiel felt very dizzy and nearly tripped over his own feet going down the steps off the ride. "I think I'm seasick." He said, making the others snicker.

"Yer fine, land lover," Benny slapped him hard on the back, "shall we find another ride, boys?"

"Do you know if Gabriel and Sam are done with their ride yet, Cas?" Dean asked him.

Castiel fished his phone out of his pocket to look for any messages from Gabriel. "They haven't texted me. So I'm going with no."

"We'll go on another while we wait for them then." Said Dean.

"How about The Himalayas?" Balthazar pointed to a ride on the far end of the lot. It a silver structure painted with neon yellows, greens, and pinks. The background was painted to look like the snowy mountaintops of the Himalaya Mountains. On the inside were carts-also in these colors-lined up in a circle. The ride was already going at the time and the people sitting inside these carts were being whirred around the structure in a never ending circle so fast that the carts were being tilted to the side, as loud pop music played over their screams.

Castiel wrinkled his nose, unsure if his stomach could handle that.

"C'mon, Cas," Dean patted his shoulder, "this ones fun! It's not as bad as it looks, I swear."

Castiel worried on his lip. He trusted Dean, so he believed him that it was fun. But he wasn't sure if Deans definition of fun was the same as his. He went along with the others anyway.

These carts only sat two people per cart, so Dean sat with Benny, and Balthazar sat with Castiel. Cas felt a twinge of jealousy towards Benny, but he brushed it aside when the carnie came around to make sure that the bar was locked in place for Balthazar and Cas. When the ride started, it was started slow like the pirate ship had. But the pace quickly picked up and Castiel felt his arm being squished against the side of the cart as it turned from the speed.

"Put your arms up, Cassie!" Balthazar shouted over the music, flinging his arms into the air as he said this.

Castiel was unsure for a moment. This ride was more fun than the pirate ship, and he wasn't feeling his stomach drop, so that was a good sign. He liked this ride much better, he decided. So he did as his cousin told him to and picked his hands up off of the bar and flung them into the air. Balthazar cheered for him, and Castiel laughed.

He was happy that he was getting the chance to enjoy himself like this.

It had been such a long time since he had gotten to. He didn't quite realize it-and would probably still deny it if it was brought up-but his mother had kept him so sheltered he had never really got to experience these simple pleasures.

When Castiel was younger every time he would try to explore and discover new things his mother would be two steps behind him to knock out anything he had picked up out of his hands, fretting that it was filthy and dangerous.

The reason it had taken him so long to convince her to take him to a fair was because every time he asked she would pull out a long speech about how the rides were dangerous because amateurs set them up and took them down, and the animals were disgusting, and the food was horrible for you, and all the rides did was make you loose your brain cells and vomit. When Castiel did vomit, the whole way home she went on and on to him and his siblings about how she had told them so.

Castiel didn't want to admit it, but he was happier when his mother wasn't around.

When Castiel thought the ride had ended, he had been mistaken because the carts started to go backwards. He jumped slightly when realizing this, and his hands latched back onto the bar. Balthazar laughed at him and said, "You really don't get out much, do you, Cassie?"

Cas gave him a squinted, side ways glare for that comment.

When they got off Benny was trying to drag them off to the Fireball. Castiel was able to squirm out of that one for a few moments because Balthazar had said that it wouldn't be fair to Gabriel because he had wanted to go on it as well, but he still hadn't returned yet with Sam, nor had he texted Castiel to tell them that they had gotten off the ride like Dean had told them to do.

Dean was getting slightly anxious, so to calm his nerves the group went to go walk past the ride that they were supposed to go on.

"Maybe it's a long line," said Balthazar, "I bet they're just getting on right this second. We'll probably see them."

But when they approached the Twister, there didn't seem to be much of a line at all. They watched the riders swirl around in their seats, looking for a flash of brown shaggy hair and dirty blonde-but Sam and Gabriel were no where in sight.

This did not subside Deans anxious nerves what-so-ever.

"Call your damn brother." He said to Castiel.

Cas pulled out his phone and called Gabriels phone, holding it up to his ear and listening to it ring a million times before going straight to voice mail. He hung it up and told them, "He didn't answer."

"Now where the hell did those two go?" Benny asked the group.

"Well, now, they couldn't have gone far," said Balthazar, holding up a hand as though it would help calm Dean down and stall his temper, "we'll look around for them."

Dean spun on his heel and began leading the way not a second after Balthazar had offered up this idea. Benny, Balthazar, and Castiel obediently followed suit, panning their eyes over every nook and cranny in which it would be possible that Gabriel and Sam had wondered off to. They were just beginning to make their way back to were they had started without any sign of the two when they heard a petrified cry echo around the lot.

_"De-ean!"_ Sams voice carried through the air and hit their ears at once.

The four boys all turned their heads at the sound of it, and they spotted Sam sprinting towards them, his flannel flapping behind him. There was no sign of Gabriel around him.

"Sam?" Dean had an expression of panic on his face as he hurried forward to meet his younger brother. When they met in the middle Sam threw his arms around Deans middle, making his brother stumble slightly backwards.

"Sammy?" Dean tried to push him off so he could look at his face, "Sammy whats the matter? What happened to Gabriel? Did you two get separated?"

"No," Sam refused to let go of his brother, "I-it was Azazel and Alistair, Dean! Azazel and Alistair and Zachariah too!"

"What?" Deans eyes went wide as he picked up his head and scanned the perimeter around them for any sign of their three rivals. He looked over his shoulder at Benny and Balthazar, who had started glaring through bodies in the crowd in search of Azazel, Alistair, and Zachariah also. "What happened, Sammy?"

Sam started babbling a million miles a second, it was almost impossible to keep up with what he was saying. "We-we got off the ride and Gabriel wanted to get some cotton candy so-so I went with him and...and we saw Azazel and Alistair and Zachariah and-and they recognized me from when we egged their house, and they tried to get after me but-but Gabriel stopped them, and Alistair told him he better get outta the way or else he was gonna hit him, and when Gabriel didn't move he hit him and Gabriel punched him back, and I just-I ran off to find you 'cause I knew Gabriel-"

"Okay, Sammy, okay," Dean said calmly, peeling Sam off of his waist to look him in the face, "breathe, little brother. Take a breather. Show me where you left Gabriel."

Sam nodded, bundling the ends of his flannel in his hands and twisting them nervously. He turned on his heel and headed back the way he had came, leading the four others in the direction of which Gabriel was possibly defending himself against Zachariah and his cronies.

Castiels lungs were filling with anxiety at the thought of his older brother standing up against three other boys. Gabriel was tough, but he didn't know how well Alistair, Azazel, and Zachariah could fight. Maybe Gabriel was in trouble. What if the police had to come and break them up? Then Gabriel would be in even deeper trouble.

As Castiel worried, Sam lead them towards the animal barns. Dean frowned at the back of his little brothers head as he saw where he was taking them. They turned a corner and Castiel recognized the back of a dark blonde head. Sam froze in his tracks abruptly while the others looked for a sign of the rivals. It was obvious to say that everyone seemed a bit confused.

"Gabriel?" Balthazar called, "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah," he said, not turning around, "I was just playing some games. I won a prize."

"Thats-uh-great, Gabe," said Benny, "but what happened to Azazel, Alistair and Zachariah? Sam said-"

"Don't you wanna see what I won?" Gabriel interrupted him.

"What?"

Gabriel spun around on his heel to show off a giant clown plush being hugged to his chest. It was very big, one of the grand prizes. It had fuzzy, scarlet-red, curly hair corking out of its white head, and a blue hat with silver stars sat cock-eyed on top of it. At the very tip of the hat was a round yellow puff ball. A white wrinkled collar lined with blue at the edges stuck up around its neck. This same sort of material lined the ends of its sleeves, and the ends of its pants. It wore a jumpsuit in which on one side was solid, bright blood red, and the other side was striped with red, yellow, and blue. Its face sported the classic painted red smile. Its grin looking far too wide for its face. Its blue eyes were round and its eyebrows were nothing but yellow triangles. An oval red nose sat smack in the middle of its face.

"Oh, Jesus Christ." Dean breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and his thumb. His eyes squeezing shut.

"Don't you like it, Sammy?" Gabriel held it out in front of him, its red nose inches away from pressing right up against Sams. Gabriels face was plastered with a shit-eating grin that he always seemed to wear when he thought he was pulling a hilarious joke. "I won it for you."

Sam stood wordlessly, his eyes as round as dinner plates as he stared back into the blank eyes of the clown doll. His jaw lay hung open before he finally let out a horrified scream that cut through their eardrums. He kicked up the dirt from under him trying to get as quickly to Dean as he possibly could, tucking himself behind the protection of his older brother, and shoving his head under Deans jacket to hide himself.

" _Gabriel!_ " Benny, Balthazar, and Dean all shouted at him at once.

"What?" He asked, frowning at them all for being shouted at. He looked a little hurt and confused that Sam had hid from him. "What'd I do now?"

"Sams afraid of clowns, you ninny!" Balthazar took the clown doll and whacked it upside his cousins head. "Out of all the toys you could have chosen you had to pick this one?"

"Hey, how was I supposed to know?" He glared at Balthazar, swiping the toy back, "It was just a joke!"

"Just get the damn toy out of here before my bother has a heart attack," Dean rolled his eyes, trying to coax Sam out from under his jacket, " _jeesh_."

Gabriel left to get rid of the doll. Dragging it along the dirty ground and looking sullen as he did so.

"Why is Sam afraid of clowns so bad?" Castiel wondered aloud. Sam wasn't just acting afraid of clowns, like, they're-just-really-creepy-looking kind of scared, he was acting absolutely terrified of them. He was so afraid he was still refusing to come out from under his big brothers protective wing. He was acting as though he had gone through some traumatic experience involving these circus clowns.

"Beats me," said Dean, trying to pry his brothers hands off of his jacket, "We used to go to Plucky Pennywhistles all the time as kids. I guess that's where it started-now c'mon, Sammy, the stupid doll is gone now! Get off of me!"

"You swear?" Sams quiet voice squeaked.

"Yes, I swear."  
"Pinky swear?"  
"Yes, damnit, Sammy, I pinky swear! Now c'mon."

Slowly, Sam ducked his head out from under the jacket, and peered around Dean to look around for any sign of a wicked painted face, or a red nose. Seeing neither of those, his shoulders seemed to relax. But he didn't step out from behind Dean. Just as he was coming out from under the protective barrier of his brothers jacket, Gabriel was making his way back from throwing the doll away into the nearest trash bin.

Sam was giving him an evil glare.

"He-ey, kiddo," Gabriel greeted with a smile. When Sam didn't smile back, his face fell and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "heh. You're mad at me now, huh?"

"That wasn't a very funny prank, Gabriel. You told me we were gonna scare these guys! Not me!"

"What?" Dean barked, now frowning at Sam.

Sam pointed a finger at Gabriel, "It was  _his_  idea!"

"Throw me under the bus why don't ya." Gabriel huffed, "This little devil was the one who came up with the details! I just simply asked if he would like to set up a prank on you guys."

"So, all that stuff before," said Benny slowly, "'bout you seein' Alistar an' Azazel an' Zachariah...?"

"He was acting," said Dean, folding his arms over his chest, "and not very well I might add. I knew you were lying the whole time, Sammy. Work on your acting skills why don't you?"

Sam stuck his tongue out at him. "You still fell for it, jerk. You're just trying to be cool."

" _Please_ ," Dean rolled his eyes, "I knew you were up to something, bitch. I just didn't know what!"

"Yeah, right." said Sam.

"Hey, the kids got potential," said Gabriel, "I'll give him that."

When Gabriel spoke Sam turned to shoot him a glare before turning his gaze to frown at the wall of a concessions stand, his arms folded over his chest.

Gabriel suddenly swooped in over his shoulder, sporting an apologetic grin, swapping it from his trickster one he had just been using moments before. "Forgive me yet, Samsquatch?" He was trying to work his charm to get back on Sams good side. He had a special way with words in which he could talk his way into-or out of-almost anything. "I'll buy you a caramel apple."

Sam gave him a sideways glare before snapping his head to the other side to face away from him.

"Aw, don't be like that, Sammich."

"It's  _Sam_." he said hardly, turning on his heel to walk away towards the animal barns.

Balthazar started snickering into his palm at the look on Gabriels face as he watched Sam walk away from him. His mouth was still hanging open from being cut off mid-apology. Castiel thought that Gabriel hadn't known that someone other than himself was able to contain that much sass.

"Looks like there's some tension in your love life now, huh, Gabey?" Balthazar swallowed a laugh.

Gabriels gaze turned to his cousin to frown at him darkly. He raised his fist to stick up his middle finger at him again.

"Now don't take it out on me, Gabriel!" Balthazar cooed, slinging his arm around his shoulder as they all made off to follow Sam to the animal barns. "Just because you and Sammy-Jammy are complicated at the moment, doesn't mean you should take it out on others around you!"

Gabriel growled at him, "Shut up." Pushing his arm away from him as he tried to catch up with Sam, calling after him to wait up. "C'mon, kiddo!" He was saying, "Cut me some slack here!"

Dean nudged Cas's elbow with his own to grab his attention. When Castiel turned to look up at him, he leaned to the side slightly to say in his ear, "Uh, does your brother really have a thing for my brother?"

Castiel laughed, "No, not really. It's just something that Balthazar found that picks at Gabriels nerves, so he likes to tease him about it. Gabriel just thinks that Sam is fun to hang around. To me, he still seems to be a child mentally, so I could see why he would like him."

That made Dean chuckle and shake his head. "All right. Great. I was afraid I might've had to kick the shit out of him for a minute there."

"Gabriel is harmless. Immature maybe. But harmless."

They watched as Gabriel did his best to get Sams attention. Although he was walking right beside him, Sam was pretending that Gabriel didn't exist. Gabriel was pulling out his best material in order to get a smile out of Sam.

"C'mon, I bet you don't know this one," he was saying, "singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera!"

Sam didn't even smirk.

"Geddit? Heh. You musta already heard that one..."

"Jeesh, Deano," said Benny, pretending to wince, "your baby bro can be pretty heartless. Won't even look at the poor guy."

Dean chuckled, "Yeah, Sammys a little bitch sometimes. Don't worry about it though, he's too nice to stay mad at someone for something like that for very long. If Gabriel keeps pestering him like that he'll cave in eventually."

"Don't feel bad for him," said Balthazar, "the little prat deserves it. Gabriel sometimes goes to far with those pranks of his. He's gotta learn those boundaries."

Castiel nodded in agreement with him. While sometimes Gabriels pranks and jokes were without a doubt hilarious, there were also times when they were just down right mean. Now, Gabriel probably didn't have intentions of hurting anyone's feelings, especially not Sams in this case, but it was about time that he started learning the proper way to apologize.

They entered the baby animal barn first. Sam hovered over the fence separating him from the piglets and their mother, standing on his tip toes to get a better look at them. Gabriel was right by his side. He was still trying to apologize by bribing Sam with food if he said something to him.

Cas rolled his eyes at his brother. Bribing Gabriel with food always worked wonders, but just because Gabriel would go to the ends of the earth for a sweet meal didn't mean that that was how everyone worked. Sam definitely wasn't the type of person to give in when food was involved.

Castiel went to see the cows. He liked how soft their fur felt on his palm, and the way the baby calf sniffed at his hand tickled. The calf was fairly young, it was still a little wobbly on its legs when it walked, and seemed to prefer laying down than walking around like the baby goats liked to do. While Balthazar was trying to lean over the gate to pet one, one of the kids hopped up to him and tried to headbutt his hand. Benny howled with laughter at him.

Dean squatted down next to Castiel and stuck his hand through the fence to pet the calf. "These guys are pretty cute, huh?" He smirked.

"Yeah," Cas agreed, smirking at the calf, "I used to want to live on a farm as a kid."

"Really?" Dean half laughed.

"Yeah. Mostly because I just wanted to live with a bunch of animals, and have a garden. I've lived in the suburbs all my life with only one dog. I wanted to have tons of animals and just...wide open space. You know?"

Dean nodded, "Yeah. A farm wouldn't be so bad. What do you want to do now?"

Castiel stood up and brushed the dirt off his hands onto his jeans, he shook his head. "I have absolutely no idea."

"Well, join the club, buddy. I can't believe I'm even still going to high school." Dean stood up also, brushing his palms off against each other an then shoving them into his pockets.

Castiel frowned at him. "What do you mean? You want to drop out?"

"Thought about it." he sighed, walking off towards the incubator that held hatching chicks behind a clear glass box so everyone could watch the tiny birds break through their shells.

"Dean!" Castiel said harshly, scampering after him, "You can't drop out of high school!"

"Oh, yeah? Why not?"

"Be-because!" he sputtered, "You-you have to get an education! If you want a decent job you at least have to pass-"

"Yeah, well, maybe it's not my decision, Cas," said Dean, his face now looking stone hard and cold. "Maybe I don't want to quit school, but I'm still too dumb to pass anything. Maybe I've got too much on my plate. I can't take care of my little brothers, Cas. I don't make enough money."

"I didn't even know you had a job." He said.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't yet." Dean sighed, pressing his back against the wall of the barn, "I applied for a job at the car garage in town. But it's going to be part time when school starts, and I'm not going to make enough. I would if I quit school. I would have more time to work at the garage and I'd make more money, and it doesn't even need a high school diploma I-"

" _Don't_." Castiel suddenly found himself gripping the ends of Deans jacket and was pressing him against the wall harder, "Don't you  _dare_ quit school, Dean Winchester. Are you listening to me? If you want Sam and Adam to have the best possible future than you need to finish your last year of high school. You're gonna grit your teeth and pass dammit. You're going to get your god damn diploma and you're going to set a god damn example for them. Got it?"

Deans eyes were wider than Castiel had ever seen them. His mouth was opening and closing wordlessly like a fish flopping on a deck after being caught. The world seemed to had gone silent.

Castiel had never felt such anger before. Dean didn't understand the importance of graduating high school, and he needed to get that through him. He needed to make sure that Dean understood. Nothing was more important to him than making sure Dean stayed in school. He cared too much about him to let him quit like that.

"Cas..." Dean finally said, raising his hands to clasp over his friends wrists, gently tugging them so that they would release his collar.

"Say you won't."

"I won't-I'm not gonna quit school..."

Castiel released him. He felt surprised at himself for his little outburst, and clenched his fingers into his palm to keep his hands from shaking. "Good." He said. "You-you better not. Or I'll have to come down from Illinois to kick your ass."

Dean let out a huff of air that sounded sort of like a laugh but not really. "Why do you care so much?"

"You are my friend, Dean." He said seriously.

"Why do you keep saying that like that? You say that like it-like it means everything. You act like you care so much about me and I don't get it. You act like you..." he trailed off, his sentence becoming lost in the still air. His lips remained pouted in an 'O', as his eyes flashed with a realization of something.

Castiel frowned at him, slowly bringing his head to a tilt by his shoulder. "Like I what?"

"Cas I need to talk to you for a second."  
"You are talking to me right now."  
"No-Cas, I-we need to go someplace more private."  
"This is not private?"  
"Hell no."

Dean took Castiels wrist and dragged him out of the baby animal barn and lead him through the rundown dirt path to the back of another barn where there were no people and no animals. This place was about as private as you could get at a family fair. Castiel continued to frown at his friend, puzzled as to why he had brought him back here. What could possibly be so important that he had to take him away from their friends just to talk? Was it so important that it couldn't possibly wait a few more seconds?

"What is it?" He asked.

"I just-uh-" Dean was blushing slightly, Castiel could see the pink on his ears and his cheeks. He was watching his shoe dig circles into the dirt instead of meeting Cas's gaze. "I needed to ask you a question...and I didn't really want anyone to hear your answer in case...you know I was just bein' an idiot and makin' a big deal out of nothin', and uh...it would have been really embarrassing if I...look I'm just...I'm just gonna ask you okay?" He drew a shaky breath, raising his hands to run them over his face as he bent backwards, craning his head towards the sky. He then straightened back up and finally looked Castiel in the face. "Okay. This is...godamnit why is it so fuckin' hard to say this?" He laughed awkwardly at himself as Castiel fell further and further into confusion.

Dean was rambling on and on about something that wasn't making very much sense at all. At least to Castiel it didn't. This didn't seem to have anything to do with their past conversation inside the baby animal barn, and Cas was wondering where Dean was going with this. What was getting him so flustered? He wondered if he would  _ever_  understand Dean.

"You're rambling, Dean." He pointed out.

"What? Oh-sorry-okay-fuck it-okay! Cas."

"Yes?"

"Do you remember-when we went to Ellens that one day? Do you remember that? It was the day we egged Alistairs house. Do you remember what you said to me at the restaurant? We were uh...we were just messin' around and stuff...you said...you asked me if it would be bad if you were flirting with me. Do you remember that?"

Castiel thought for a moment. He thought he remembered. It seemed like so long ago. Was it really only a week ago? That day in the diner seemed like years had gone by already since then. He wasn't sure if he could remember the exact conversation, but he thought he remembered saying something along those lines. He nodded.

"Do you remember how I-I said that it would be weird considering you were Catholic and...and you...I thought you weren't into guys at the time-I didn't...I didn't think you-I thought you were just jokin' around for the longest time-but then you came out as gay and I thought  _maybe_ , you know-but you know I didn't want to just  _assume_ 'cause I didn't want to be a dick, and then you get angry with me-and then 'Zar was goin' on and on' and I just...I didn't believe any of it but-fuck, Cas, do you  _like_ me?"

His heart felt as though someone had reached inside his chest and squeezed it with their bare hands. Did Dean actually just ask him that? This couldn't be real. He knew that any minute now he was going to be waking up in his bed back at that house with an empty feeling in his gut from this crazy dream just like he had with the other dreams about Dean. An uncomfortable heat rose from his stomach and crawled its way up to his neck and face.

Dean Winchester just asked him about his true feelings for him, and he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to lie to him, but at the same time he did. He didn't know how Dean would react if he told him, and he didn't want to ruin their friendship like this. They were getting along so well. But at the same time, if Dean liked him back and he didn't tell him the truth, he could be missing out on something special. He wondered what finally gave him away to make Dean ask him this.

"Yes, Dean. I like you." He said, his throat feeling tight. He turned his face towards the ground so he wouldn't have to see his reaction.

"You...you know what I mean right? Not in like a friend way?"  
"Yes, Dean. I like you-not the friend way."

There were a few moments of silence in which neither of them said anything. Maybe it was longer than a few moments. To Castiel it felt like forever. His anxiety swirled around in his stomach like a tornado in those moments, the longer no one spoke the bigger the tornado grew. He waited for Dean to say something. He wanted something to fill this deafening silence. The noises of the fair weren't loud enough. He needed to hear Deans voice confirming that it was all right. He would have even taken Deans voice saying it wasn't all right-even though it would have hurt him to hear him say that-he just wanted to hear him say  _something_  instead of just standing here in this void of quiet.

To Castiels surprise, Dean started laughing.

It wasn't a sort of laugh in which it seemed like Dean was laughing at him, as though he were making fun of him. It was a kind of laugh that sounded like Dean was laughing out of relief. That he was so relieved that all he could do was laugh.

He placed both of his hands on Castiels face and squished his cheeks, making him look back into Deans face. He was laughing harder than Cas had ever seen him laugh. "Dammit, Cas..." He managed to sputter out between giggles.

"You...like me too? Not the friend way?" Castiel asked softly.

"Yes. Fuck-dammit, Cas. I like you too...not the friend way."

Before Castiel knew it, the corners of his mouth were beginning to tug up into a smile. He started laughing too, placing his hands on top of Deans as they held his face. A rush of relief flowed through him, making him feel as though he were on air. He was so glad that all that worrying was for nothing. This whole time that he had spent worrying, Dean had liked him back. He almost wished he would have said something sooner.

They laughed until their foreheads started touching. The bridges of their noses pressed against each other. Castiel had never been so close to Dean before, he didn't think he had been this close with _anyone_ before. He was so close he could see all the different shades of speckles in Deans eyes that made them that particular shade of green. He could see exactly where the folds of skin were that crinkled when he smiled. He could count all of Deans eyelashes if he wanted to.

"...Dean..." Castiel said quietly.

"Mm...What?"

"Now what...?"

Dean started laughing again, moving his hands off of Castiels face and letting one fall to his side as the other ran his hand through his hair. "I-uh...well...Do you wanna...go on a date sometime?"

Castiel beamed at him. "I would very much enjoy going on a date with you, Dean Winchester."

"Awesome."  
"Dean?"  
"Yes?"  
"Can this be counted as a date?"

Dean started laughing again and nodded, "I don't see why not."

Castiel did his best to imitate Deans saying, "Awesome." it didn't quite have the same effect. It was more of a 'Dean thing' to say.

Dean chuckled again, looking shyly back down at the dirt and saying, "Should we be getting back to the others now? If we're gone any longer they might think we were makin' out or something."

Castiel gave him a sly grin and said, "Would it be so bad if we were?"

Dean playful hit him in the shoulder before they journeyed back to the baby animal barn.

Castiels heart was pounding so hard in his chest it was impossible to ignore. The blood rushing through his veins was pulsing with adrenaline and serotonin. His brain was practically whirring with these happy endorphins he couldn't even think. He was actually on a date with Dean Winchester. This was actually happening? If this was a dream Castiel certainly didn't want to wake up. This was the most realistic dream he had ever had, and he didn't want it to end anytime soon.

Before entering the baby animal barn to join back up with the others, Castiel had a painful realization of what Gabriel may think of this. He hadn't supported the thought of Cas having a crush on Dean, he certainly wouldn't support him going on a date with him. He decided that he wouldn't tell Gabriel right away. It pained him to be keeping something like this a secret from his brother, but he wasn't going to tell him if he was going to be a dick about it.

The thought was pushed out of his mind when Dean looked over his shoulder and smiled at him, just as they were approaching the doorway to reenter the animal barn where the others were most likely just noticing their disappearance. "You wanna ditch 'em?" he asked in a whisper, like they were plotting something top secret.

Castiel grinned at him, and whispered back, "let's do it."

 


	11. Castiel's First Date....Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you so happy about?"
> 
> "This is my first date." he said, reaching over to grab a handful of fries.
> 
> "You mean our first date?" Dean smirked.
> 
> "No," He shoved the french fries into his mouth, talking thickly around them, "Well...yes, but that was not what I meant. This is my first date."

They ducked out of the way of the doorway leading into the barn and scampered off towards the concession stands where clusters of people were gathering to grab a bite to eat and sit down at the picnic tables spread out in three rows under the shade of the tents.

"Well, what do you wanna do first?" Dean smirked.

"I'm hungry." Said Castiel, his mouth watering at the smell of french fries and pizza floating through the air.

Dean chuckled at him, "Yeah, I can eat. Let's get somethin'. What do you want?"

"French fries." Castiel said eagerly, licking his lips.

"All right, french fries it is then." Dean walked up to a concessions stand, already waving a ten dollar bill in his hand. He ordered a large bucket of fries for them to share, and two coca colas. They also got tiny little paper bowls on the side to put ketchup in to dip their fries.

They sat at one of the picnic tables in the shade, the bucket of french fries in the middle them,and their drinks clasped between their hands. The sides of the paper cups were already damp with condensation. Castiel smiled as he sipped on his straw, and Dean caught his gaze and smiled back.

"What are you so happy about?"

"This is my first date." he said, reaching over to grab a handful of fries.

"You mean our first date?" Dean smirked.

"No," He shoved the french fries into his mouth, talking thickly around them, "Well...yes, but that was not what I meant. This is my first date."

Deans face fell in the blink of an eye. "Like your first date period? You've never been on a date ever? With anyone?"

"Nope."

"You're kiddin' me," his crooked smirk returned on his lips, "never ever?"

"Never ever."

"Well,  _damn_ ," Dean half laughed,"I find that hard to believe. I guess it's safe to say you're a virgin in every kinda way, huh?"

"You could say that, yes."  
"So, I'm your first date then?"

"Have you not been listening?" Castiel teased.

"Well, I'm honored, Cas. I get the chance to give you the best damn first date you've ever been on."

"We'll see about that, Dean. As long as we stay clear of my family I think it'll be just fine."

Dean frowned. "Why stay away from your family?"

"You seem to keep forgetting what kind of household I was brought up in, Dean." Castiel twirled a french fry in between his fingers as he talked, "if my family were to ever find out that I was on a date with you I don't think it would end very well."

"Well, what about Gabriel?" asked Dean, "You said you came out to him the other day, and Balthazar."

"Yes," he sighed, "I'm not worried about Balthazar, but Gabriel didn't seem to fond of the idea of me having a crush on you. I don't think he'd be trouble, but he definitely wouldn't approve."

"Well shit, man," Dean huffed, "I'm just 'causin' all sorts of trouble for you aren't I?"

"Since day one." smirked Castiel.

"You know what this means don't you?" Dean grinned wickedly, scooping a handful of french fries from the bucket, "now we get to have all sorts of fun."

"What do you mean?"

"Now we'll have to sneak around. Keep our dates a secret. Just like in the movies."

Castiels heart pumped at the thought of more dates, sneaking around, secret meetings in the middle of the night to steal kisses and hold hands in the darkness of a movie theater. He smirked to himself and said, "That does seem fun."

"We'll be each others little secret." Dean winked.

They ate the fries and talked while simultaneously keeping a look out for any one of Castiels family, or Benny and Sam. Castiel thought how strange this was. He was on a date with Dean, but everything felt so normal. They were talking like they usually did, it felt like they were just hanging out like normal. Which Castiel supposed that they were in a way, this time when they were hanging out though they could hold hands and share salty kisses that lingered with the taste of ketchup.

Castiels heart swelled in his chest, and he tried not to smile to himself as he thought of this.

Once their drinks were drained and the bucket of fries was nothing but crusty crumbs and burnt ends, Dean stood up and wiped his hands off on his jeans. "What do you wanna do now?" he asked.

"Hmmm..." Castiel hummed as he looked around the lot, his eyes grazing over all the rides and games to do at the fair. He turned back to Dean and asked, "Can we go on the Ferris wheel?"

"Ferris wheel?" Deans hands were now in his pockets. He looked up to where the Ferris wheel was and bit on the bottom of his lip nervously. "You sure you don't wanna do anything else?"

"I want to try the Ferris wheel."

"Okay," Dean gulped, picking up their trash to throw away in the trash bin, "we can go on the Ferris wheel."

They made their way through the crowds of people towards the Ferris wheel. Castiel was still panning his eyes through the lot in search of any sign of his family. He figured that they may as well be at the animal barns as well, if Samandriel had dragged them there. He hadn't seen any sign of them yet.

"Cas..." Dean suddenly whispered, drawing his attention back to his date. "Do you mind if...I hold your hand?"

Castiel blushed slightly, but grinned and offered up his hand for Dean to take. Dean was red in the face as well as he grabbed a hold of the free hand and laced his fingers through the gaps in between Castiels fingers. Dean was red in the face as well, and seemed determined to keep his gaze ahead of them and not at Castiel.

Castiel liked the feeling of holding Deans hand. It was warm, and Deans rough callouses scratched against Castiels soft palm, and it was nice to feel that difference between hands. He also liked that while Dean was attempting to live up to a tough guy persona, he was still blushing mad at simply asking Castiel if they could hold hands. He was getting to see a side of Dean that he most likely didn't let a lot of people see.

They came up to the ferris wheel and only stood in line for a sort while before a cart came down and the carnie told them to climb inside. They sat down on the silver bench and locked the bar in place in front of them. Dean imminently clung onto it with both hands and tried to look ahead of him, as the wheels of the ride started turning and rolled them forwards. They weren't very high up when they stopped again for the next people to get into a cart. Then they started rolling again.

Castiel was practically leaning forward on the bar to see all around him. He could see the whole lot from up on the Ferris wheel. He could even seen the family's station wagon, and his Uncle Joshua's van parked next to it. He tried to point this out to Dean, but when he looked over Dean was squeezing his eyes shut and his knuckles were turning white from gripping the bar so hard.

"Dean..." Castiel tried not to smirk, "are you afraid of heights?"

"What?" Dean scoffed, cracking an eye open to glare at him, " _Psh_ , no! I'm not-I'm not afraid of heights! I just--I don't--I don't like bein' up this high, okay?"

"It's all right to be scared, Dean. You could have just told me, and we could have gone on something else."  
"I'm not scared!"

"Okay." Said Castiel, sitting back against the seat, "Would you like to hold my hand again?" He turned his palm right side up and slid it across the bar to get closer to Deans hand. Dean mumbled something inaudible to Cas, but gripped onto his hand tightly. Every time he felt a twinge of fear he would squeeze a little harder, and Castiel would squeeze back.

"Are you sure you're not afraid, Dean?"  
"I'm friggen positive, Cas."

Their cart rolled up to the very top and they sat there for a few moments. Castiel looked out over the lot and Dean kept his eyes shut.

When he looked over to Dean, Castiel smiled softly to himself. He couldn't help but feel the swell of his heart as he admired just how attractive Dean was to him. He remembered how when he was much younger his mother would scoop him up in her arms and claim that  _"you are just too cute, I have to kiss you! If I didn't then I'd eat you up_!" he didn't always understand that, but now he thinks he can.

Dean was just so handsome, he felt such a strong desire to kiss him. If he didn't he thought for certain he'd explode. He wouldn't kiss him on the lips, that seemed inappropriate to do now. He wanted his kiss to be a surprise, and he wouldn't feel right kissing Dean on the lips without his permission first. A kiss on the cheek would suffice.

He felt a surge of bravery and sucked in a breath. He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against Deans freckled cheek. Kissing the spot where the pink scratch that Zachariah had given him days ago now was, and was now healing. He smelled like leather, and soap.

Castiel pulled back imminently, his face feeling hot and his eyes locked onto his shoelaces that were dangling down towards the earth. He tried to hide his giddy smile by burring his face into his tshirt. He glance over quickly to see that Deans eyes had popped open with surprise. He was raising a hand to gingerly touch the spot on his cheek that Castiel had kissed.

The wheels were turning again and their time on the ride was almost over. Their cart was drawing closer to the platform were they would get off, and Dean said quietly "Cas did you just kiss me?"

"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're cute."

Dean was blushing harder now and Castiel couldn't help but giggle. The carnie pulled the ride to stop to unlatch the bar laying in front of Castiel and Dean, and the two scrambled out to walk off the platform. Dean was trying to hide his blushing face between the collar of his jacket. His shoulders were hunched, but he was still holding onto to Castiels hand.

He mumbled under his breath, "You're cute too, Cas."

Castiel giggled again, giving another squeeze to Deans hand. Their palms were fairly sweaty now, but neither of them felt the need to let go. Until Castiel spotted some familiar red hair and instantly released Deans hand from his own. He could see Anna and Naomi standing in line to get popcorn, and the rest of his family were sitting at a picnic table under the tent. Castiel felt anxiety pinching at his sides as he saw them, thinking about taking Deans hand again and running in the other direction before-

"Dean!" Samandirel had already spotted them and was running towards them with a grin stretched across his face. The rest of his family all turned at Samandriels outburst and were now waving and saying hellos to Dean and Castiel.

"Hey, Alfie," Dean replied kindly, "hows it goin'?"

"Good," he said, "I've been going on lots of rides, but now we have to take a break 'cause Lucifer felt sick." He then paused, and leaned to one side to look behind Dean, and then leaned to the other side to look behind Castiel. "Where's everyone else?" he asked them.

"Oh, uh," Dean scratched the back of his neck, "I-uh-felt sick. So Castiel is walkin' around with me 'till I feel better while the others go on some rides."

"Oh." said Samandriel. "Hey, Dean, can I play with Adam again soon?"

"Sure!" He beamed, "You had fun with him last time?"

"Yeah, we had fun. Even if he is a little kid."

Castiel and Dean laughed. Castiel ruffled Samandriels hair and told him that he would see him later before he and Dean bid goodbye to everyone else and continued walking off in the direction they were headed. They went on the bumper cars, and the tilt-o-whirl together, but after that Castiel felt a little sick so they took a break by taking a walk around the lot and chatting.

Castiel told Dean about Illinois. He talked about his one friend Meg, and how he hadn't seen her since before high school. He talked about his teachers, and his classes, and Micheal and Lucifers football games. Dean mostly talked about Kansas and Charlie. He said that he and Charlie still kept in touch through texting and sometimes even Skype on the computer. He talked about cute and funny things Adam did as a baby, which resulted in Castiel also sharing what Samandriel did as a baby, and recalling the day that he was born.

He was in the middle of telling the tale of how on that day Gabriel had also fallen out of a tree and broke his wrist, and that it was a good thing that they were already on the way to the hospital because his mothers water broke on the way there in the car; when Dean suddenly tumbled and fell to the ground. His hand was still holding onto Castiels, and he nearly popped his shoulder out of socket as he fell down with him.

Obnoxiously loud laughter echoed in the air and Castiel felt heat rising to his face. Dean apologized and sat up on his knees, "You okay, Cas?" he helped him up. When they got back onto their feet Castiel found out that Dean hadn't actually fallen due to clumsiness, but because someone had tripped him.

Three other boys-around Castiels and Deans age-were standing in front of them with sly smiles on their faces. Castiel recognized two of them from the day of egging Alistairs house. He figured that the third one-the one that he had never seen before-was Zachariah.

Dean glared at them, his face turning to stone as soon as he laid eyes on them. "What the hell was that for?" he barked.

"You should really watch where you're stepping, Deano," said one of the cronies. Castiel could have sworn that his iris' glinted yellow in the sunlight. "Someone could get hurt."

"Don't you have anything better to do, Azazel?" Dean growled, "Other than making my life a living hell?"

Zachariah stood behind Alistair and Azazel, smirking. It was as though they were his own personal bodyguards who would do whatever he asked them to.

"Dean Winchester," he said cheerfully, practically ignoring the first half of their meeting and changing the subject instantly, as though he had just showed up and interrupted Deans and Azazels bickering,"long time no see."

Dean didn't respond to him. He merely glared at the three and made an attempt to move on, but Azazel stood a side-step and blocked him.

"Alistair here tells me that you and those idiotic friends of yours went to go egg his house the other day," Zachariah continued to drawl, "tsk, tsk, Dean. You're adding more to that tab of yours. I still haven't gotten you back for what you and Benjamin did to my car."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh, please, it wasn't as bad as keying my Impala!"

"It peeled the paint!" Zachariah barked.

Castiels and Deans eyes met, and they both tried to swallow their laughter. Hiding their mouths behind their hands as they snorted.

"Oh, yes," continued Zachariah sourly, "laugh it up. It's  _so_  hilarious. My brand new car- _ruined_ by two barbarians!"

"Like you don't have the money to fix it."

"Quiet, you brainless ape."

"Hey!" Castiel snapped, drawing the attention onto him as he took a step in front of Dean, Deans hand tugging at his own to pull him back. Zachariahs eyes widened into surprise when he spoke. "You better watch it, asshat."

Zachariah, Alistair and Azazel all turned to look at each other with raised eyebrows, and all let out huffs of laughter.

Alistair waved a finger playfully at Castiel,"Now who the hell is this?"

"None of your business." Barked Dean, but at the same time Cas answered them with his name.

"Castiel."

Dean frowned at him, but Castiel didn't seem to notice.

"Well, well, well, Castiel," Alistair swaggered up to get in Castels face, his arms wrapped around his back and his crooked nose inches away from Cas's. "I think I remember also spotting you that day my house was egged. Yes, I think I would spot that messy mop of hair anywhere," he waved a finger to gesture at Castiels horrific bed head that never seemed to want to stay tidy, "and it also seems that you and Deano here, are quite...comfortable with each other..." he flickered his eyes down to their hands that were still linked together.

"Whats it to you, Alistair?" Dean growled, "this doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Oh, now don't get sore with me, Winchester," he grinned toothily, "I was simply admiring Castiels good looks. I would hate for someone to come along and ruin such a pretty face. Too bad it seems he's already taken."

"Is that a threat." Castiel sneered.

"Perhaps."

It happened in the blink of an eye. Dean abandoned Castiels hand and surged forward to seize Alistair by his shirt with both fists. Dean had a terrifying expression on his face, his eyebrows knitted closely together and his face scrunched up in fury.

" _Listen_ ," he spat, "you can be a dick to me all you want, but don't you dare do that to Cas. He didn't do nothin' to you, and you're not gonna touch him. I swear to--"

"I was only teasing," Alistair defended, but he had a smug look on his face that gave off the intention that he wasn't actually teasing. "relax, Winchester. I wouldn't touch a messy hair on his head."

Dean released him, still glaring at him with that terrifying expression.

Azazel spoke up, "Shall we be going, boys?"

The other two agreed and bid a fake-cheery goodbye to Dean and Castiel, before disappearing into the crowds.

"You didn't have to do that," said Castiel lowly, frowning at the back of Deans head until he turned around at the sound of his voice. "I can take care of myself."

"What do you mean? What was I supposed to do? Just let him talk to you like that? I had to say something, Cas!"

"Forget I said anything then."

"Cas--C'mon, don't be like that." Dean walked towards him and placed his hand around his wrist, jerking it slightly to get his attention so the blue eyes would look up at him again. "...lets play a game. I'll win you somethin'. That'll make you feel better, c'mon."

"Dean I don't need--"  
"C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Dean dragged him along the dirt path towards the tables set with games; the one where they would shoot water onto a target, dart throwing, the ring toss, the one where they throw baseballs and knock down shiny silver bottles, and there was a dunk the clown in a corner farther away from all of these.

Dean took Castiel up to the silver bottle one. He fished out money from his pocket and paid the carnie. In return, the carnie brought up four baseballs for Dean to throw and set them on the table in front of him.

"Which one do you want, Cas?" Dean asked, looking up at the ridiculously large stuffed animals hanging above their heads.

"That one, I suppose." Castiel pointed to a fuzzy yellow duckling just above Dean.

"Alright." Dean swiped a ball off the table and tossed it into the air, as though testing it in his hand. He bent his arm back, and threw with all his might in order to get the baseball to crash the tower of silver bottles, but the ball merely bounced off the back wall and into the dirt.

"Damn it." Dean muttered, picking up another one and giving it another go. Only to have this one meet the same fate at the other. He growled another curse, picking up the third, and having it nearly hit the carnie in the face as it bounced off the wall yet again.

The carnie glared at him and grumbled something inaudible to both of them.

Dean made to grab the last ball, but before he could Castiel had his hand on it. He made Dean shuffle out of the way and bent his arm back, and as he threw it he made a T form with his arms and the ball went directly into the middle of the bottle pyramid, sending them all crashing down and cluttering the ground. Castiel turned to grin at Dean who looked dumbstruck.

"Which one do  _you_ want, Dean?" Castiel asked him.

"Uh...the tiger..." he said sheepishly.

The worker handed Castiel the stuffed tiger, which wasn't nearly as big as the plush duck hanging from the ceiling. Castiel handed it to Dean, who shyly accepted it.

"Thanks." he said.

Castiel then took Deans free hand and smiled, "I'm thirsty. Can we get something to drink?"

"Sure, Cas."

They had just began to wonder back to the concessions when Dean let out a "Uh-oh." and dropped his grip from Castiels hand. Castiel was confused for a moment, turning to Dean to ask what was wrong when he suddenly heard;

"Where the bloody hell have you two been?"

Balthazar was storming up to them, his face scrunched up in annoyance with Benny, Gabriel and Sam tailing after him. It seemed as though Sam had finally forgiven Gabriel, because he was holding onto the end of his shirt with one hand while slurping on the straw that was connected to a paper cup.

"Uh, hey, 'Zar!" Dean beamed, flashing his palm in greeting, "long time no see."

"Oh, don't give me that," Balthazar snapped, "how could you? How could you leave me alone with these imbeciles!"

"Well, yer no picnic either, Balthazar." snorted Benny.

Balthazar ignored him, and continued going on exasperatedly, "They're running me  _ragged_! Sam wanted to go on the tilt-o-whirl, but Gabriel wanted to try out the swings, and Benny wanted to go look for you two even though I insisted that you were fine by yourselves. Then they were all hungry, but no one could agree on what to get! Then Gabriel tried to spook the ponies at the pony ride! They were practically pulling me in every direction-it's driving me mad!  _Ugh-_ " Balthazar threw his head back, tugging on his hair, "I am exhausted."

"Well..uh..." Castiel stammered, "at least Sam and Gabriel are friends again...right?"

Balthazar glared at him, "Don't even get me started on those two devils."

"Gabriel and I pulled a funny prank on Balthazar." said Sam, giggling slightly.

"We put a worm in his french fries." Gabriel shrugged, "Not one of my best, but it was hilarious all the same."

"It's was revolting," hissed Balthazar, "a waste of food! Just wait until I get you back, you're going to regret it."

Gabriel snorted, "I'd like to see that."

Their topic of discussion was pulled to a halt when Benny caused a distraction by striding up to Dean and taking the stuffed tiger out from under Deans arm and holding in his hands for inspection. "Well, now this is just adorable, Deano." Benny teased.

Dean blushed slightly, giving a glance at Cas before swiping the toy back. "I--uh--I got it for Adam. He couldn't come to the fair this year because he and his mom are visiting his grandparents. I told him I'd get him something."

" _I_ won it." Castiel corrected, smirking.

"Yeah, Cas won it. For Adam."

"You never get me anything from anywhere!" said Sam.

"Well, that's 'cause you're a bitch." retorted Dean.

"Jerk." Sam huffed, frowning at him.

"Well, now that we're all together again," Gabriel slung both arms over Castiels and Deans shoulders, putting all his weight onto them in order for them to support him, and making the two lean forward slightly from the unexpected weight, "shall we continue? What other rides are there to go on? Hmmm?"

"Oh!" Sam shot his hand into the air as though he were in school, "Can we go on the fireball now?"

Castiel should have known that that was going to come back to haunt him eventually today. His stomach sank as everyone else agreed to Sams offer and all turned on their heels to head towards the ride. Castiel waited a few moments for everyone else to get a little bit ahead of them before tugging on Deans sleeve.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I don't want to go on that ride, Dean," he whispered back, "I still feel sick."

"Okay, well...you don't have to go on it if you don't wanna, Cas. You can sit this one out, and hold the tiger and Sams drink while we're on it. Okay?"

Castiel liked this plan and nodded his approval.

Their journey to the fireball was stalled however when they began to pass the Dunk the Clown. The clowns purpose was to find something about the passerby to tease them about so that they would get worked up and spend their money trying to knock him off the platform. His target this time seemed to be Sam.

When Sam noticed that they were walking past the game he imminently gravitated closer to Gabriel, subconsciously tucking his arm around Gabriels elbow and keeping his petrified eyes locked onto the clown as though in fear that it was going to climb out and get him if he looked away for one second.

The clown noted this and called out to him in a mocking tone of voice. "Aw, whats wrong, are you afraid of a silly old clown?"

Sam jumped at being addressed and pressed himself closer to Gabriel, who was just now noticing Sams odd behavior.

The clown howled with laughter, "You're so small! You're a waste of skin!"

Dean was glaring up at the clown darkly. It was quite obvious that Sam was uncomfortable, but the clown kept picking on him.

"Don't worry, shorty," he was calling as Sam was trying to pick up the pace to leave, dragging Gabriel along with him, "I'll make sure to ask for a five and under tank next year!"

As Dean and Castiel were beginning to pass Dean was still giving the man dirty looks, and the clown saw it. He grinned down at Dean and shouted, "Is that your new boyfriend? The one you brought last year was  _much_  cuter! Thats an adorable tiger you got there, did you tell him you win that for all your dates!"

This made Dean freeze in his tracks, he was red in the face and was about ready to hiss back a comeback, but Castiel was tugging on his arm to get him to leave. The others were waiting for them just up ahead, watching from where they stood.

Deans patience was at its end.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the clown imminently backtracked, "I mistook you two for a couple of faeries I saw earlier."

"Faeries?" Castiel hissed lowly. A cloud of anger swirling in his mind. White hot lighting cracked against his skull as his last nerve for this clown was fading away.

"Oh, thats it you son of a bitch!" Dean was wrestling his hand in his pocket to fish out some dollar bills to slam on the table and grab the white balls to chuck at the clowns target.

"You better not throw it like a pansy as well!" Laughed the clown.

Castiel was suddenly pushing past Dean to climb over the table and up towards the target.

He was feeling such anger in his body that he couldn't think of anything else to do except this. As he ran towards the end of the set he could hear Balthazar and Gabriel yelling, "What the hell are you doing?!"

Castiel reached the target, looking over to meet the clowns gaze. He had to stand on his tip toes to reach it, but his hand was at the perfect level for hitting it. He gave him a wicked glare that he had seen so many times on Gabriels and Balthazars faces when they were pulling a trick. It was Castiels turn to do something daring, and his heart was pulsing with excitement from it.

"Kid, you don't have the balls--"

Castiel mussed up all the strength he could and slammed his hand up against the target. He felt the button sink in under his palm and down went the platform that the clown was sitting on. He fell into the water, his head collapsing under the splash and when he resurfaced he gasped for air, his make-up smeared and his wig falling off of him. The jumpsuit he was wearing was weighing him down under the water, and he had to hold himself up by pressing his hands on either side of the tank walls. He started spitting curses out at Castiel,

"You damn brat!" He shouted, "you can't do that!"

Castiel was getting back down to the others, nearly tripping over the white balls from customers before them that had failed at hitting the target. The others were laughing so hard they were doubling over, calling for Cas to hurry back at the same time.

"Hurry, Cassie!" Balthazar was waving his hands in the direction of them as though it would help Castiel run faster.

Benny seemed as though he was trying to yell to Cas as well, but he was laughing so hard he could barely sputter out one word. Gabriel had never looked more proud to claim Castiel as his brother. He was pointing at Castiel and shouting, "That's my baby bro!"

Sam was cheering and jumping up and down on the tips of his toes for the fate of the clown, grinning from ear to ear. Dean was waiting for him, his free hand already outstretched and waiting for him to take it to help him over the table. Castiel was smiling so hard it hurt.

"I'll call your mothers!" The clown coughed, "Don't you dare run away!"

"Haul ass!" Gabriel shouted through tears of laughter. They all began running in separate direction. Gabriel grabbed a hold of Sams wrist and pulled him along one way, Benny took off another way, Balthazar ran back the way they had came, and Dean and Castiel ran off towards the animal barns. Their cries of laughter echoing all over the lot.

"C'mon, Cas!" Dean said, their hands feelings sweaty and slippery but they refused to let go of each other in fear of someone chasing them to throw them out of the fair. They didn't stop running until Dean jerked them to stand behind the barn that they had hid behind earlier that day. They stood with their backs pressed flat against the wall, panting hard out of their mouths, and still holding hands. Dean dropped the tiger so it sat in the dirt.

Castiel bent over slightly to peer around the corner of the wall, when all he saw where crowds of people walking on the other side-far away from their hiding spot-he turned back to Dean and breathed, "I think we're safe."

Dean started choking on laughs. "Damn, Cas," he pressed his hands on his knees, bending over to catch his breath, "that was one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life."

Castiel started laughing also, leaning back against the barn, holding his hand on his chest as though it would help keep his heart from pounding so hard. "I've never done something like that before," he panted, "I don't know what got into me."

Dean stood up straight, slapping his hand on his shoulder, "I don't know either, buddy, but I love it. I've never had more fun in my entire life."

Castiel chuckled, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his arm. "Me neither. Did you see the look on his face when he saw me hit the target?"

They started howling with laughter again, using the barn as leverage so they wouldn't fall down into the dirt.

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "yeah I did. God, that was friggen priceless! I thought Benny was gonna piss his pants."

Their laughter soon died down, and their shoulders were pressed against the barn wall, so they were facing each other. There was a few moments of silence shared between the two in which they simply were captured in each others gaze. Dean raised a hand and brushed his rough calloused palm against Cas's smooth cheek and he finally asked;

"Cas, can I kiss you?"

Castiel meant to say 'yes, you may, Dean' but instead his answer was pressing his mouth against Deans. All he had to do was just lean forward an inch or so in order to kiss Dean. Dean obviously wasn't expecting this. He made a muffled sound of surprise against Cas' mouth, but once he realized what was going on, he relaxed, and his fingers found themselves rumpling through Castiels tangled hair. His lips pressed against the others and they were lost to each other.

Deans back was now pressed against the wall of the barn as Castiels hands clung to the flaps of his jacket. They were trying to get closer and closer to each other although they were already touching, and getting closer than they already were would be impossible.

All around them the noises of the fair continued on, but here in their little corner they were invisible to everyone else. Castiel could hear the screams of boys and girls being spun and dropped and flown into the air on millions of rides while children begged for their mothers to buy them an elephant ear, or cotton candy, but they were all somewhere else. Dean and him were in their own little paradise, and everything was perfect.

Deans tongue dragged across the bottom of Castiels lip, asking for permission of entry. Cas granted it. A million stars and nerves and planets sparked inside of Castiel. All these new feelings were knocking into each other like bowling balls and pins crashing inside of Cas' mind.

Dean parted for a moment, one hand still knotted in dark hair, the other squeezing Castiels arm, "Cas..." he panted.

Castiels lips felt cold as soon as Dean abandoned them. He didn't like being disconnected from these feelings so soon. He pressed a desperate kiss to the corner of Deans mouth, making exasperated pleading noises.

Dean was sucked into another kiss, and Castiel wished that time would just stop in order for him to stay like this with Dean forever. He didn't want this day to end just yet.

They finally parted, their lips red and swollen and their faces flushed pink slightly. Deans fingers were still combing through Castiels hair, and Cas leaned forward to press his head into the curve of Deans shoulder.

"That was some kiss..." Dean whispered, making Castiel giggle. "So, how was that for a first first date, huh?"

"I give it a seven out of ten."

"Seven?! What the hell, Cas, that at least deserves a nine.  _C'mon_."

Castiel sat back up and held up both of his hands and as he spoke he nicked off three fingers, "Alistair, Azazel, Zachariah. Seven out of ten, Dean."

Dean stared at his hands for a moment, trying to think of a counter argument for that. "Hmm...true. But, you seem to be forgetting-" as Dean spoke he pushed the fingers that Cas had nicked off back up one by one, "You winning that tiger, showin' that clown whose boss,  _and_  that kiss.  _Well_ , what do you know; its a ten outta ten!"

Castiel beamed at him, shaking his head, "Well, I guess so."

Dean smiled softly as he pressed his palms up against Castiels and locked their fingers together through the gaps. He leaned forward and bumped his head against Cas's. He whispered softly, "I'd like to do this again sometime."

"Me too." Castiel replied. "When can I see you again?"

"Whenever your little heart desires." He said quietly, leaning in to give Castiel another kiss on the lips when his phone started blaring Metallica. He grunted, "Figures." He pulled out his phone and announced that it was Benny calling him, "friggen mood killer..." he muttered, holding the phone up to his ear. "Yeah?"

There was a few moments of silence which was Benny talking to Dean on the phone, explained where he was and asking where they had run off to. Dean asked him who he was with, he had already caught up with Balthazar, Gabriel and Sam. They were all waiting for Dean and Castiel to turn back up.

"We'll meet you at the fireball in like five seconds, okay?...See ya." He hung up the phone and put it back into his pocket, putting his hands back to knead in between Castiels finger gaps.

"I guess we better get going." Said Castiel, swinging their arms back and forth absentmindedly.

"Yeah. Right after this though."

Dean leaned forward to press his lips lightly against Castiels. It was chaste and innocent compared to the one before, but it was sweet and warm, and Deans taste still lingered on Castiels lips after he parted from him.

Dean picked up the tiger back from off the ground and they left.

They couldn't hold hands as they walked to the fireball to meet up with the others. Castiel felt half empty without being able to touch Dean like he had been able to the first half of the day. They couldn't even acknowledge what had taken place in front of the others. At first Castiel had thought that keeping this relationship a secret was going to be fun, but now he was starting to realize how much this was going to eat him alive. Which was just going to make the little moments they do get to spend together just sweeter.

As Castiel sat on a bench with Sams drink and Deans new stuffed tiger, he watched the fireball swing back and forth and the boys and girls screaming. It was starting to get dark now, and the lights on all the rides were blinking, making his face glow in the light. He spotted Deans laughing face on the ride, and suddenly a painful reminder whispered in his ear, telling him that he wouldn't be here in Louisiana forever.

 


	12. Mother's Little Helper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel could feel the anxiety creeping up on him and dragging him back down into the darkness like six months ago. He could feel himself going back to that quiet place and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to fight it off. He was squeezing his fists so hard the pinching his nails did to his skin was numb and white. He didn't want to talk about this anymore, his eyes were full of hot tears and he was embarrassed. The memories of his mothers screams and hateful words were screaming in his ears so hard he was certain that they were bleeding. He wanted Dean to go away, but at the same time he wanted his comfort.

It was a day or two after when Castiel was laying sprawled out on his bed with his phone in his hand and his earphones in his ears playing Led Zeppelin loudly, as he closed his eyes and daydreamed. Dean had recommended that he listen to some of his favorite songs by them and Castiel was happy to oblige. His fingers were tapping on his blanket along with the beat, and Gabriel was quietly laying across from him on his own bed, and listening to his own music.

They were simply just enjoying the company of the other without having to speak, until Gabriel finally said something about his brothers odd-ish behavior.

"Shouldn't you be reading or something?" He asked.

Castiel hummed in response. Gabriel merely grumbled something under his breath and went about his own business. Castiel then sat up on his elbows, pressing pause on his music and taking a headphone out of his ear to speak. He wanted to ask his brother something that had been picking at his brain.

"Gabriel, why are you mad at Lucifer?"

Gabriel gave him a confused glance, his brown eyes narrowed. "I'm not." he said slowly, like it was a question.

"You haven't been hanging around him much lately."

Gabriel rolled his shoulder. "That doesn't mean I'm mad at him. What, I can't have some time to myself once in awhile?"

"Well...no, I was just-you've been acting funny."

Gabriel frowned darkly at him, proving Castiels point further. Gabriel didn't act moody like this for no reason. Something was bothering him, and he didn't want Castiel to know about what ever it was.

"Gabriel, are you depressed?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

This question only furthered the silence. Gabriels expression didn't seem to change as he continued to glare at Castiel. It took him a long while to finally answer, speaking again in a slow tone, "No. I'm not."

"Then whats bothering you?"

" _You_ are bothering me."

"I was just asking why you seem so angry with Lucifer." Castiel then returned the dark frown before turning back to his phone, plugging in the abandoned headphone and adding, "I hate it when you act like him."

"Well, I hate it when you act like  _him_!" Gabriel growled.

Castiel turned back to face him, completely puzzled. "Who?"

"Dean!"  
"I don't act like him!"  
"Since when the hell do you listen to Led Zeppelin?"

"Well, sorry, I didn't know it was against the rules to try to listen to new music," Castiel barked, "What're you so mad at me for? You're the one who never tells me anything anymore! All you ever do is hide, and listen to your music to ignore everyone!"

"Oh, shut up, Castiel," he snorted, obviously unable to think of a good enough and quick counter argument. "I don't have to tell you, or anyone else anything."

"Why are you so irritable? You're picking a fight with me for no reason! Just tell me what's wrong."

"Nothings wrong."

"Liar. There you go! Hiding from me! What did I do to you? You're the first person I came out to! I trusted you, and all you've been doing lately is keeping things from me. We used to tell each other everything. You're the first person I told that I was gay, and you can't tell me  _anything_  about what's bothering you? You were my best friend, Gabriel...What did I do wrong?"

Gabriels face turned crestfallen after listening to his brothers rant. He turned his gaze to look sadly down at the floor as he mumbled, "You didn't do anything wrong, Cas. You could never do anything wrong."

"Then why are you acting like this?" he sighed.

"I..." Gabriels words seemed to had gotten tangled in his throat for a moment, because he couldn't speak. Like they were all trying to come out at once and jammed each other into traffic. After a few minutes of hesitation, he seemed to had picked a few words out of the traffic, "If I tell you you'll just get upset."

Castiel squinted in puzzlement. What could it be that Gabriel knew that would make Castiel upset?

With prickles of anxiety beginning to form, he got up from his bed and moved to join his brother on the other mattress. "What do you mean?"

"I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone. It'll make things worse...things were just starting to get better..." Gabriel mumbled.

"Gabriel, what are you talking about? Tell me. Whatever it is I'm sure I can handle it."

Gabriel again seemed at a loss for words as he met Castiels gaze. His fingers wrapped around the edge of his mattress, as he worried on his bottom lip. Castiel could practically see his brother scavenging around in his brain in search of the right words to say. If Castiel knew what he was about to say next, he thinks that he would have been at a loss for words as well.

In the end, Gabriel seemed to decide that it was just better to come out with it. There was no possible way of sugar coating it, and no other way to say it. It was plain and simple.

His voice was hallow and empty when he said it. "Mom called me."

It was as though Castiels heart had shriveled to the size of a pebble and had sank to the bottom of a pond. He wanted to believe that he hadn't heard correctly, but he knew he must have. His mind seemed to be drawing a blank, the only think running through his mind was the word  _mom_  over and over again. He didn't even know he was standing until he felt his feet moving towards Gabriels bed.

"She called you?" He asked, his voice hardly even a whisper.

Gabriel nodded.

"When?"

"Sunday. It was Sunday morning."

"What did-what did she say? Why did she call you?"

"I don't know." Gabriel was trembling, his fingers knotted in his hair, "I haven't told anyone. I couldn't. I..." he took a shaky breath as Castiel asked him,

"Did she tell you where she was?"

"No. I didn't even think to ask," he laughed softly at himself, "She said she's doing fine though. I told her we were visiting Aunt Rachel, and that you made a lot of new friends. She was really happy for you."

Castiel sat down next to his brother. His stomach was curling in a feeling like he wanted to cry, but no tears were drawing out of his eyes. As though all the tears he had already cried for his mother were gone and dried up; he couldn't do it anymore.

"Did she...ask about me?"

"Yeah. She asked about everyone. Even Balthazar, and Noami, and Raphael. I told her we were all doing fine."

"Why did she call you?"

"I asked the same thing. Like why me? Why me out of everyone, why not you, or Micheal? She said that it was because she felt like...that I thought that she hated me, and she just wanted to clear things up with me. She wouldn't feel right going on with her life thinking she hated me. She said she wanted to talk to you, Cas. But you weren't here. She said she might try to call one of us back sometime."

"Did you really think that?" Castiel asked, "that she hated you?"

"No. I never thought that she hated me...But I hate her, Cas. I really do. Am I-am I a bad son for saying that?"

Six months. It had been since months since she left and this was the first contact any of them have had with her. No one talked about her anymore after a while. No calls, no proof that she was even actually still alive. It was as though she had simply never existed. Castiel only had his memories of her. She had taken all the family photo albums she could carry, and Chuck had hid all of the pictures he had of her. Castiel woke up one morning, and it was like the world finally moved on without her. And now she called out of the blue. To simply 'make up' with Gabriel. She hadn't even given an excuse as to why she had been disconnected from her children for so long. Castiel thought that even if she had given one, he wouldn't have cared.

As Castiel sat there his fingers cut into Gabriels blanket. Bubbles of anger were filling his insides, feeling like lava. Every good memory he had of her seemed to crinkle and fall apart in his brain as he thought of everything else she had done to them. She had favored Micheal and Samandriel and Anna and him. She treated Lucifer and Gabriel like they were nothing. Sometimes it seemed as though she pretended that Anna wasn't even there though. All these things that he had pushed aside in order to only remember the good things about her came pushing back and blurred his vision to the point where he was only seeing tears.

His shoulders trembled, and for a moment he thought that he really hated her, and he hated himself for thinking that. He hated that she wouldn't tell them where she was, and that it had taken her so long to reach out to them. He hated that he had finally had just begun to feel happy again, and that everything was beginning to crumble again. He didn't even want to talk to her, because he wasn't sure if he would be able to. Knowing that all of this was his fault.

It was no wonder that she had called Gabriel instead of him. He wondered if she had even really wanted to talk to him.

"No," he said slowly in reply to his brother, "no, you're not a bad son."

"Don't tell anyone else, okay?" Gabriel looked to him with round glossy eyes, "We can't tell anyone else. It'll just make everyone start fighting again. I don't want Dad to..."

"I won't tell." Castiel promised. "I don't want Dad to get like that again either."

"Good." Gabriel uttered under his breath, looking as though he had just unleashed a heavy weight from his chest. He fell back onto his bed, laying his arm over his eyes, and the brothers sat in silence again.

Castiel got back up to go back to his own bed and listen to Led Zeppelin some more and ready to rethink this news over in his brain until it drove him crazy. Gabriel stopped him.

"Cas,"

"What?"

"Why did you think I'm depressed?"

Castiel turned back around on his heel to see Gabriel still laying in the same position with his eyes covered. He sighed and shrugged, although he couldn't see him, "I don't know. You...acted funny after Mom left. You aren't the same. None of us are really. Some of the stuff you used to talk about with me...it seemed like you were depressed. Sometimes I was worried you were going to...I was afraid, Gabriel."

After this his brother moved his arm slightly up his forehead to peek a brown colored eye up at him. He made a forced fake laugh and said, "Well...you were on the right track, sir squints a lot."

"You  _were_  depressed?" Castiel huffed, frustrated that Gabriel had lied before, but quickly forgave him.

"Yeah...Was. Am. I dunno. I'm better than I used to be, that's the point. I didn't think anyone cared enough to notice."

"We all care about you, Gabriel," Castiel said quickly before his throat could close up, "I-I don't know what I would do without you."

Gabriel did another forced laugh and smirked up at him, "Don't get all sappy on me, little brother. I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"If you say so." He replied softly, sitting down on his mattress. He picked his phone back up along with his ear buds and placed them back into his ears. He glanced over to his brother to see him doing the same with his headphones and his iPod before he sat back against his pillows and pressed the play button, letting Led Zeppelin beat against his eardrums, and trying to ignore the crippling anxiety swirling around inside him and raking on his lungs.

When Gabriel spoke again it was just as the song was ending. If it had been a moment sooner or later, Castiel may not had been able to hear him over the music. "Castiel." He said.

"What?"  
"Promise me you won't go quiet again. Like you did before."

Castiel's heart twisted slightly and for a moment he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make that promise. He had made an improvement of talking again compared to six months previous, and he hadn't even noticed it. Once his brother had brought it up he came to this realization and was shocked that someone hadn't brought it up before. What was even more mind blowing for him was the fact that his talking seemed to make a dramatic increase around the time when he met Dean.

His heart was swelling with warmth now, and as he looked back over to Gabriel he promised him that it wouldn't come to that again.

At least that was what he was hoping for.

XxX

The day before the Fourth of July the Shurleys went to visit Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joshua again. It had been a few days since Castiel had last seen Dean, and he wasn't surprised to see him and Sam swimming with Balthazar in the above ground pool in his cousins backyard.

Gabriel seemed to lighten up after finally telling his brother what had been gnawing away at him, and was back to his regular self. He was less moody than he had been anyway. Getting it off his chest seemed to have worked wonders.

Gabriel and Castiel hadn't spoken about their mothers phone call since that day they had the talk in their bedroom, but the picking thought of the possibly of another phone call hadn't left Castiels mind. Every buzz of his cellphone made him jump, only to have his heart sink in a disappointed sigh every time he realized that it wasn't her. He tried to tell himself that he shouldn't be disappointed, that he doesn't even care if she called or not.

But he was only kidding himself.

"Cassie!" Balthazar spotted him first, he was floating in a purple inner tube with his dark sunglasses over his face. He struggled to float to the side and latch on so he could stay put for a few moments and talk with his cousin, "Excited for fireworks tomorrow? My mum says we're going to have a bonfire too."

Castiel nodded as he sat down on a chair on the patio, "Can we see them from your house?"

"You can see 'em better from our house!" Cried Sam, swimming up next to Balthazar and pulling himself up to see over the edge, "Last year we climbed up onto the roof and we could see them great. Right, Dean?"

"Yeah," Dean said, swimming to the other side of Balthazar so all three of them were now all lined up in a row along the side of the pool. He ran a hand through his wet hair to make it stand up straight again, "there's some kids in our neighborhood who light 'em off in the streets too. But I thought 'Zar's family was plannin' on headin' towards our place anyway to see the fireworks."

Balthazar nodded. "You can hear them from here, but can't even see a spark. We'll be by your house. You'll be meeting us there, right?"

"Yep," Dean smirked, "Sammy and I'll be there. Adam might too, but he was kinda afraid of the fireworks last year. I don't know if he's staying with his mom or coming over with us."

Castiel was beaming at the thought of spending the fourth of July with Dean. He had spent almost every day of his summer vacation already with Dean Winchester, and he liked it. He loved every second he got to spend getting to know Dean, and studying him. The more time he got to spend with him the stronger the warmth grew in his chest. It had also been a few days since they last saw each other, and today and tomorrow were going to make up for that.

He also liked the fact that he and Dean were now an 'item' and no one knew about it.

Castiels siblings came whirring out of the back door, their bare feet slapping against the patio before meeting soft grass and then one by one-Gabriel, Lucifer, Micheal, and Samandriel-all climbed the latter to jump into the pool. Causing big splashes and waves that crashed into the sides of the pool and spilled out over the edge. Raphael was next out the door, then came Noami and Anna, when at the sight of Gabriel starting a pool noddle fight in the small swimming pool, decided it would be best to just wait a while for the boys to calm down before going for a swim.

They sat down on patio chairs by Castiel.

"Why aren't you swimming, Castiel?" Noami asked at once.

His usual response fell out of his mouth without hesitation. He was so used to saying it it had no meaning anymore. "I don't feel like swimming right now."

Which resulted in Anna huffing, "You always say that."

"Yeah," agreed Noami, "I haven't seen you go swimming once I think in my entire life."

Castiel rolled his shoulder. "I don't really like swimming. I'd rather just lay out in the sun."

"Okay, crazy." Anna said playfully.

"Do you need any sunblock?" Noami waved the white and yellow bottle in the air with her hand in offering to her cousin, "I know how bad you burn."

Castiel leaned over and accepted the bottle, squeezing the white lotion into the the palm of his hand and rubbing it along his shoulders and arm before putting more in his other hand to rub along the opposite arm.

"Look how tan you're getting though," she held out her arm to compare it her brothers, "you're tanner than I am now."

"To be fair, Anna, you don't exactly tan," Castiel teased, "you just get more freckles."

"Oh, be quiet." She stuck out her tongue at him before hiding her eyes behind her sunglasses.

Castiel sat back and watched the others in the pool. Samandriel was using Dean as a shield to protect himself from Gabriels noodle fight. Gabriel and Lucifer were on one team, and Raphael and Micheal were on the other. Gabriel then asked Sam to join his team, but Raphael whined that it was an uneven number. He tried to get Balthazar to join his and Micheals team, but his step-brother would rather float lazily in his blow up inner tube than play with them. Eventually, Dean was brought onto their team and Samandriel was left being the odd one out.

He swam to the side of the pool and called to Castiel.

"Cas!" he whined, "Cas, c'mon and play with me!"

Castiel replied awkwardly, "Not-not right now, Samandriel..."

"Why not?"  
"I don't feel like swimming right now."

"Please?" his little brother begged, "Pretty please, Castiel?"

"Not now, Samandriel..." He felt guilty for telling him this. Samandriel had already told him about how he was upset that Castiel never played with him anymore, and now he was denying him. He wished that his brother could understand that it wasn't that Castiel didn't want to go swimming, he simply  _couldn't_.

" _Ca-as_!" he sighed dramatically, still staring at him with his round and pleading eyes. Dean had taken notice of this and was looking at Castiel with concern, as though he was trying to think of a way to distract Samandriel.

Anna was the one who stepped up though, "I'll play with you, Sammy," she sighed, holding up both of her hands as though he had twisted her arm into finally getting into the pool with him. "You wanna come in, Noami?"

"Eh," she rolled her shoulders, "I'll wait a few more minutes."

Anna walked across the grass, and climbed the latter to join the others in the swimming pool. She would have dunked Gabriels head underwater for hitting her with the pool noddle had he not ducked behind Lucifer for safety.

When she reached Samandriel she whispered something into his ear that made him grin and nod. Then the two looked over to see Balthazar floating almost half asleep in his inner tube.

Anna said something inaudible to Samandriel before they swam on either side of the inner tube. Anna seemed to count to three before her and their brother pushed up on the tube and flipped Balthazar over into the cold water.

Balthazar let out a screech before hitting the water and when he resurfaced Anna, and Samandriel were laughing. Castiel and Noami, who were the only ones to also see this prank unfold, were giggling into their hands at the patio.

Balthazar snatched his sunglasses out of the water before they could sink to the bottom and he perched them on top of his head. He frowned at his two cousins, but it was obvious he wasn't upset with them.

"Samandriel! I am surprised at you!" he shook his finger teasingly, "What has your sister done to you! You used to be so sweet!"

"He's a Shurley," Anna pointed out, "are you really that surprised?"

Castiel half wanted to go in the pool and join his family and friends and have fun. They seemed like they were really enjoying themselves, and he wanted that too. But it wasn't a matter of want to. The fear of somehow falling into the darkness was still there, even though he could clearly see the bottom of the pool and there was no darkness. He was still afraid. He couldn't bring himself to even step on the latter and dip his feet into the water.

Noami seemed like she couldn't stand waiting another second longer and soon joined the others in the pool as well. Gabriel was still fighting the noddle war, even though the others seemed to have gotten bored with the game. He whacked Anna again with the noddle, rather hard on her back, and she spun around and glared at him. She really did dunk him under water that time.

That seemed to declare the end of the pool noodle war.

Samandriel was latched to Deans side, and continued to ask him to play countless amounts of pool games with him. Dean happily obliged to play with him, but after a while it was obvious that he was getting tiresome. After the umpteenth chicken fight with Samandriel and Dean vs. Gabriel and Sam, Dean made an excuse to get out of the water for a while. He said that he needed to take a break, and he was getting rather hungry.

Samandriel accepted this with only slight disappointment that his favorite playmate would be leaving him for a while.

Dean got out of the pool and rubbed a towel on his hair before wrapping it around his waist. The rub down with his towel had made his hair all fuzzy and now it was sticking up like a hedgehogs spikes. Castiel grinned at him.

"Care to join me for a snack?" Dean asked when he approached his chair at the patio.

Castiel nodded and followed him inside where the adults were too busy sharing stories about their children to notice that Castiel and Dean were rummaging the fridge and cabniets for food. Dean found a bag of grapes and poured them into a bowl for him and Castiel to share before returning back outside to sit on the patio chairs.

"So," Dean popped the fruit into his mouth and spoke around it, "whats eating you?"

"Excuse me?" Castiel squinted at him in confusion, and it made Dean laugh.

"Whats bothering you? You seem upset. You weren't very talkative yesterday on the phone either."

"Oh," Castiel replied, "sorry. I'm fine."

"You sure, buddy?" Dean arched an eyebrow at him, sitting on the edge of the chair so he could face Castiel.

Castiel didn't like lying, he felt wrong about it, but he had made a promise to Gabriel that he wouldn't tell anyone. If he told their secret he would feel even more wrong. "I am sure." he said hollowly.

Dean sat in silence for a few moments, chewing on the grapes before turning to glance at the others in the swimming pool. They all seemed to preoccupied to notice them sitting at the patio. Dean turned back to Castiel and wrapped his fingers around his wrist, pulling him up and dragging him around to the other side of the house.

"Dean!" Castiel hissed, "what are you doing?"

They reached the side of the house were they would be well out of view from any of Castiels family, and Dean released his wrist from his grip. Castiel was frowning at him in puzzlement.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"I want to know whats wrong with you," Dean explained, "you don't ever tell me anything unless we're alone, so," he held out his arms to present the empty part of the yard, "we're alone."

"Nothing is wrong with me," he lied, his heart thumping. He wondered why Dean already cared so much about him. It was comforting to know that there was someone outside of his family that felt this way about him. He wasn't sure what it was, but he cared about Dean this same way.

Dean didn't believe the lie.

"What's the matter, Cas? Tell me."

"Nothing."

"You sure?"  
"Yes."  
"Cas, c'mon. I know you're lying."

Castiel bit his lip, looking away for a moment. "...I...I promised Gabriel I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Oh..." Deans face fell slightly, his eyebrows raising up his forehead, "Well, hey, I get that, pal. A promise between brothers...you don't have to tell me if it's a secret between you two."

Castiel looked down at his feet, the heaviness in his heart making it sink like a weight towards his gut. He worried on his bottom lip and contemplated on telling Dean this secret between him and Gabriel. He trusted that Dean wouldn't tell anyone else, and they were dating now, so he could trust him with something like this, right? It would make him feel better to get it off his chest.

"My mother called." He whispered at the ground, half hoping that Dean wouldn't hear him and he would be able to change his answer, but it was too late for that now.

"What?" Dean breathed, "She--well did you talk to her? What did she--"

"I didn't talk to her." He answered, "She called Gabriel. She said she might call back though."

"Well...that's...that's great, Cas--"

"No, it isn't." He snapped, flicking his watering eyes up to look at Dean. He felt a twinge of gilt for barking at him like that, but pushed it aside at once as he continued, "I don't want to talk to her."

"You don't?" Dean seemed perplexed and confused as to why Castiel was suddenly acting like this towards his mother. Castiel had hardly talked about her to Dean, only when he told the story of her leaving, and only to share a few good memories he had of her. It was no wonder why Dean was puzzled as to why Castiel suddenly didn't want to talk to her over the phone.

"No." Castiel replied coldly. "I can't talk to her."

"You  _can't?_  What does that mean?"

Castiel could feel the anxiety creeping up on him and dragging him back down into the darkness like six months ago. He could feel himself going back to that quiet place and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to fight it off. He was squeezing his fists so hard the pinching his nails did to his skin was numb and white. He didn't want to talk about this anymore, his eyes were full of hot tears and he was embarrassed. The memories of his mothers screams and hateful words were screaming in his ears so hard he was certain that they were bleeding. He wanted Dean to go away, but at the same time he wanted his comfort.

"Cas, Cas," Deans voice was barely heard over the screams, "Castiel answer me."

"I told her to go," he mumbled wetly, bringing his fists up to either side of his head as though it would help silence all the noise whirling around in his brain, "I told her to...I told her to leave..."

Deans eyebrows furrowed in concern and he held onto Castiels shoulders in a tight grip, as though he was afraid that Cas would try and run away. "What...what do you mean? You told her to go?"

Castiel nodded, falling forward slightly to nuzzle his face into Deans bare shoulder. His skin was still wet and cold from swimming in the pool. Dean awkwardly wrapped his arms around Castiel and tried to calm him, reminding him that his family was still just around the corner.

"Tell me about it later, okay?" He whispered, "Promise you'll tell me later?"

Castiel nodded in agreement, sitting back up to wipe off his face with the back of his hand. He would tell him later. He didn't know when later would be, but it would come eventually.

"You gonna be okay?" Dean asked softly, cupping Castiels chin with his forefinger and his thumb.

"I'm okay."

"Good." Dean pulled him in for a quick kiss that still left a tingle on Castiels lips when they parted from each other. Dean grazed his thumb along Castiels jawline to swipe away a stray tear that had managed to escape. "Maybe I'll pick you up later tonight. I'll get the Impala and pick you up from your house. We can go get pizza or somethin'."

Castiel couldn't help but smirk. He sniffed and nodded again, "Yes, I'd like that."

"Awesome." Dean leaned in to place another kiss to Castiels cheek, but was interrupted when Samandriel started calling for Dean and wondering aloud where the two had run off to.

"Sam, where did Dean go?" Samandriels voice rang through the air.

"I dunno," replied Sam, "he doesn't tell me anything."

"Dean! Dean, where did you go? Don't you wanna play with me?"

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes in annoyance. He ran a hand through his damp hair to make it stand up straight once again, mumbling under his breath, "Doesn't that kid ever take a break?"

"I think you better be getting back to your number one fan." Castiel teased, "He might get jealous knowing that I'm hogging all the attention."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so. I better not be showing favoritism or else I may get in trouble with my fan base." He then leaned in to whisper into Castiels ear, "don't tell the others, but you _are_  my favorite." Which resulted in Castiel breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Dean!" Samandriel called again.

"I hear ya, Alfie!" Dean yelled back, turning on his heel to head back around the house. "I'm coming!" He then turned back to Castiel and added hushly, "Don't forget about our date tonight."

"I won't." Castiel mouthed back.

Dean winked before turning the corner of the house to be greeted by an exasperated Samandriel who at the sight of Dean cried out, "Are you hiding from me?!"

"What?" Dean pretended to be shocked, "I would never do that!"

"Then what were you doing behind the house?"

"Probably kissing Castiel." Sam teased. It then sounded as though Dean had hit him, or they had started wrestling on the grass. Castiel could hear muffled growls of 'bitch' and 'jerk'.

He rolled his eyes and hurried to the front of the house so he could reenter through the back door, and not cause more suspicion. When he reentered the backyard he saw that Sam and Dean were indeed wrestling on the grass and Samandriel was staring at them with a confused expression on his face.

When he saw his older brother return from being inside the house he only said one thing, "Why would Dean be kissing you?"

"Oh, because he's just so cute," Gabriel drawled from the pool, "look at him, how could anyone withstand not kissing him?"

Lucifer hit him in the gut with a pool noddle as Gabriel swam by him on his back, "You're disgusting."

"Yeah," cried Samandriel, turning to look up at at his brothers in the pool, "boys don't kiss boys, Gabe!"

Castiels heart sank slightly at hearing this. Somehow it felt worse hearing that come from his little brothers mouth rather than his older siblings. Balthazar and Gabriel both turned to give Castiel a pained expression on their faces, like they felt sorry for him. Gabriel was probably feeling the same mixed emotions as Castiel was, given that he had supposedly had past relationships with guys.

Dean was too busy wrestling with Sam to give Castiel that same look, but Cas just caught his gaze for a moment and he thought he saw a hint of sadness in his eyes as well.

Castiel wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to come out to his entire family now.

XxX

Later that night Castiel waited anxiously by his cellphone for a call from Dean. It was nearly eight o' clock when his phone finally buzzed and as soon as the name lit up on his phone he picked it up and held it to his ear.

"Hello, Dean, are you on your way?" he asked at once, making Dean chuckle.

"Yeah, Cas, I'll be there in a few."

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you on the porch."

They hung up and Castiel pulled on his tennis shoes and grabbed his wallet. He pulled on a blue hoodie before heading downstairs to look for his father. He found him laying in his bedroom with a note pad and pen, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose.

"Dad," Castiel called, leaning in from the doorway.

At the sound of his voice Chuck turned and flashed a smile to him, "Hey, sport. What's up?"

"Can I go hang out with Dean?"

Chuck looked at his watch, raising his eyebrows, "It's almost eight at night, Castiel. You just saw him today at Aunt Rachels."

"I know, but...can I? I'll take my phone with me." He held up his cellphone as though to help prove his point. "Please?"

Chuck sighed, thinking for a moment and then smirking, "All right. Go on."

"Thanks, Dad." Castiel beamed before turning on his heel and scampering out the front door to stand on the porch in the cool summer air. The sun was just starting to set, and it had turned a bright orange. He sat on the porch swing to wait for Dean to pull up in the Impala, staring down the road to catch a glimpse of the black metallic of the car as it turned the corner.

It was a good five minutes before he heard the loud engine roaring down the road and muffled sound of rock music being belted out the windows of the car. Castiel got up and leaned over the banister to make sure that it was Dean, and sure enough he was able to spot the Impala rolling down his road and pull up alongside the driveway to the house. Dean saw him and waved his arm out the window. Castiel didn't hesitate to bounce down the porch steps and down the driveway to reach the passenger side door of the Chevy Impala. He was greeted with Cheap Trick singing Surrender, and Dean leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek.

Castiel blushed slightly while putting on his seat belt and looked to Dean while grazing his finger tips along his cheek, "What was that for?" he asked.

"Just 'cause." Deans grin was crooked, and he turned away once he stepped off the breaks and pressed his foot on the gas to drive towards town.

Castiel turned the knob on the radio to turn the music down so he was able to talk to Dean, and so the music wasn't pounding against his ear drums.

"Did I tell you that I listened to Led Zeppelin?" Castiel wondered aloud.

"Oh, yeah, you mentioned it I think," Dean nodded, "which songs do you like?"

"I liked all of the ones you told me to listen to. I have already heard Stairway to Heaven. Lucifer is particularly fond of that song. He likes to sing it in the shower."

Dean snorted a laugh. "Ah...brothers. Am I right?"

"Yes," Castiel shared the same fond smile as Dean at the mention of being an elder brother, he bobbed his head up and down in agreement, "brothers...Where are we going to eat again?"

"Oh, we're just gonna pick up Domino's. I already called in and it should be ready by the time we get there."

"Then where are we going?"

Dean turned to him again and his shamrock colored eyes twinkled as the corners of his mouth wrinkled his cheeks from his smile. "You'll see."

Castiel huffed, placing his chin in his hand as he watched trees and houses flicker by outside the car window. The gnawing hunger in his stomach rumbled and gurgled and he wished that Dean would have already had picked up the pizza before he came to get Cas.

"We're almost there," Dean chuckled, "I'm not gonna starve you. Geesh, you're a grump when you're hungry."

Castiel stuck his tongue out at him.

When they pulled into the parking lot of Domino's, Castiel was certain his stomach was about ready to eat itself. He offered money to Dean to help pay for the pizza, but Dean denied it. No matter how hard Castiel pressed that he wanted to help pay. Dean ran inside to get the order, and when he returned and was balancing a pizza box with two bottles of Coke under his arm pits. Castiel leaned over to open the drivers side door for him, and then took the box of pizza and set it in his lap.

By this time the sun had already set and the sky was a mix of light purple and indigo.

The pizza was warm on his lap, and the smell of it was making Castiels mouth water. It came to the point where he couldn't wait any longer and he opened up the box to let the sweet aroma of cheese pizza rush at his face and fill his nose. He grabbed a slice and practically inhaled it rather than eat it.

Dean laughed at him as Castiel licked the crumbs of the garlic butter crust off his fingers.

"When are we getting to the place?" Castiel asked, taking a swig of his Coke bottle and offering a slice of pizza to Dean.

"Soon," he answered.

Castiel looked around them. They were well out of town now. There were no street lights around them and he only saw glimpses of houses every once in a while. He took out a slice of pizza for Dean and held it in front of his face for him to take a bite so he didn't have to remove his hands from the steering wheel.

"Thanks, bud." Dean said thickly, his mouth full of cheesy bread and tomato sauce.

"You're welcome."

A few more minutes passed and they still hadn't arrived to the secret place. Castiel had gotten bored and started shuffling through Deans cassetes. He read the labels written in black marker on masking tape as he went through them. Mostly they were just labeled the albums name, or just Blue Oyster Cult Mix, or Metallica Mix. One was labeled as, Deans Favorites.

"You like music." Said Castiel.

"Yep," Dean sighed, "all of the greats."

"Did you make all of these?" Castiel asked, holding up a cassette.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I did. Heh. I've had them forever. Made 'em all myself to play in the Impala when my dad took me and Sammy on road trips and stuff. I used to make them for my girlfriends too I guess. They didn't always like the same songs I did though."

"Oh." Castiel said hollowly, feeling a pang in his heart at the mention of Deans pasts relationships.

"Whats the matter?"

"Nothing." he said, placing the box back on the ground at his feet. "...Will you make me one?"

"What?"  
"Make me a mix tape. Will you make me one too?"  
"Well...I mean...I haven't made one in a long time but...sure, Cas. If you want one I'll make you one."

"Good." Castiel slumped back against the leather seat and gazed out the window boredly. His curiosity and patience was at its end and he wanted to know where in the world Dean was taking them. He hadn't told his father how late he would be staying out, and the fear of getting in trouble both excited him and scared him.

Dean made a turn onto a dirt road and the gravel crunched under the tires.

"You're not taking me into the woods to sacrifice me to some cult are you?" Castiel asked.

Dean laughed and shook his head, "Far from that actually."

He made another turn and they were suddenly parked onto grass. There seemed to be a parking space already worn down by tires, like someone had been here often and had a mark to prove it. Dean parked the car and turned the key to shut it off. Without saying anything to Cas, he got out of the car and went to the trunk, rummaging around for something inside it. Castiel tried to watch out the back window, but all he could see was the black trunk.

He watched Dean slam the trunk close and then he headed to the passenger side window with a bundle in his arms. He tapped on the glass, motioning for Castiel to join him. He gave Dean a confused look, but climbed out of the car anyway.

With his hands in his sweatshirt pocket, he followed Dean up the hill. It was a tall hill, so by the time he reached the top his legs were begging for a beak. Dean was ahead of him, already picking out a spot on the grass to lay out his bundle on, which had turned out to be a blanket. Once Dean made sure that it was laid out properly and it wasn't bunched up anywhere, he plopped down on it and motioned for Castiel to join him.

Castiel sat down next to him, hugging his knees to his chest as Dean leaned back on his hands and marveled up at the stars and the moon. Fireflies twinkled around them, and crickets sang loudly. There wasn't any other noise of human life around them. No cars passing by, no dull drones of streetlights, or faint sound of a television playing late in a family living room. Dean and Castiel were truly alone. It was peaceful and haunting at the same time.

"Pretty, isn't it?" Dean sighed dreamily. "It's so quiet out here. It's like another planet."

"Mhmm..." Castiel hummed, watching the stars reflect off of Deans eyes. It was as though his green iris' had turned into mini galaxies that held these balls of gas and light. Castiel couldn't think of anything more beautiful, and he blushed when Dean caught him staring.

"You're the first person I've ever brought out here, Cas." said Dean, smirking faintly.

"I am?"  
"Yeah. This is like...my own special place and...I dunno. I haven't told anyone about it. Not even Benny or Sammy. I come out here when I just wanna be alone...and this time...I didn't wanna be alone this time."

Castiels heart swelled with warmth and his fingers and toes tingled. Dean had trusted him with this secret special place of his, and Castiel had never felt so special in his entire life. He didn't feel so jealous of Deans past girlfriends getting the mix tapes anymore. They could keep their mix tapes, because Dean had shared something with him he had never shared with anyone else before, and he was grateful for that.

"Thank you for bringing me here," he said softly, "it is beautiful."

Dean smirked again, looking down at the blanket and swirling his finger over the pattern, "I'm glad you like it."

They sat in a few moments of silence. Letting the sounds of nature fill their ears and Dean went back to the Impala to grab the pizza box and their drinks. When Dean had opened his Coke bottle it fizzed and exploded all over the grass, and Castiel laughed at him as Dean cursed and did his best to wipe the soda off his leather jacket.

They had nearly gone through the whole box of pizza before Dean finally asked the question Castiel had been dreading to be asked. They had been talking about nonsense things. Funny and embarrassing stories about their siblings, their favorite toppings on pizza and claiming to have eaten the best burger ever at two completely different places. Dean said the best burger he had ever had was back in Kansas, while Castiel said that a local restaurant in Illinois had the best. They playfully bickered about that until they called a truce and fell back into silence.

Dean was looking back up at the sky again. The shiny white stars making his eyes glow, and Castiel was beginning to feel something that he wasn't sure he had ever felt before the longer he stared at him. His heart was pulsing with warmth and fluttered against his ribcage.

He wondered what time it was, and when he might have to go home.

His train of thought was pulled to a halt when Dean started talking again, without missing a beat.

"But...you know what I want to talk about, Cas," Dean eyes flicked back over to Castiel, and he took a sharp intake of breath, and the anxiety swirled back up into his lungs as Dean asked the question he knew would be asked eventually, but didn't want to spit out the answer, "What really happened with you and your mom?"

 


	13. Sparklers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a side that was brighter, and was helping him discover who he truly was. He liked it here. He liked the smell of the Impala, and Deans jacket, and the feeling of driving around in the middle of the night while the town is still asleep, it feels as though he and Dean are the only two people left on the planet, or time had simply frozen and they get longer than just one summer to spend together. He wished that they had longer than just the summer.

"Dean..." Castiel breathed, his brain buzzing loudly in his ears. "I can't."

Dean placed his hand over Castiels, his eyes glistening with concern, "Something happened, Cas, I know it did. You can try to hide it from me all you want, but coming from someone who is practically the definiton of coming from fucked up families, I know when somethings up. You can tell me, buddy. I'm not gonna stop bothering you about it 'til you tell me."

Castiels fingers tightened around Deans hand, and he nervously wrapped a loose thred from the blanket around one of his fingers. His mouth felt very dry, and his tongue was too big for his mouth. His gut wrapped itself in tight knots, as he started to speak slowly and softly, hoping that Dean wouldn't think of him differently after this.

Again, Castiel confided in Dean with one of his secrets. This one was a heavier burden than the other secrets he had told him, and it was also one that he had kept hidden from everyone. Even Gabriel. He wouldn't ever be able to tell Gabriel, because he feared the outcome. His siblings would hate him if they ever found out, so he suffered alone.

It was a few days before his mothers departure, and he was sitting in their living room at the piano, stretching his fingers before placing them on the pearly white keys. His feet were tucked up, crossed at the ankles, under the piano bench. He could hear his mother in the kitchen fixing dinner. No one else was home yet, Samandriel had stayed after school for an assignment, Anna was with friends, and Micheal and Lucifer had taken Gabriel off somewhere and they wouldn't tell Castiel about it. His father was out working.

His fingers pressed down on the keys, playing an absent minded tune as his mother hummed along in the kitchen. He could hear her knife cutting through vegetables, and the loud thud it made when it met with the cutting board.

"Play Chopin, won't you, Castiel?" She called from the kitchen.

He smirked at his hands, moving them to rest his fingers on the correct keys to play Chopin's  _Raindrop_. His mother often recommended he play this song at parties, or at a recital. He knew that it was one of her favorites, and it was one of his also. He knew the song so well he could close his eyes and play it, though he was always afraid to do so in fear of slipping up one of his fingers.

He could hear his mothers tongue clicking to the tunes now, her voice singing tiny "da, da, da's" and "do, do, do's" Her voice tinkled through the air like the chimes of the piano. The sweet song flowed through the empty house, along with his mothers voice.

Castiel appreciated times like this.

His eyes flicked out to the window beside him momentarily, catching a glimpse of the sky above them. It swirled with thick gray clouds, carrying heavy burdens of snow.

"It looks like it's going to storm, mother." he said aloud, his fingers still dancing along the black and white teeth, "Should we call the others home?"

"Do you know what your father did today," she said loftily, ignoring Castiels previous statement completely. The dull sound of vegetables thunking against an empty bowl could be heard from the living room.

Castiels heart panged painfully in his chest, aware of where this conversation was going already. He didn't remove his gaze from the piano now, hoping that the song would distract him enough to drone her voice out. She was always making him pick sides. He didn't respond.

"I brought up trying to get you to switch schools again, and he told me I was crazy!" She forced a laugh, the thunks the knife was making when it met the cutting board were becoming more harsh and violent."He said that I should stop being so obsessed with getting you to go back to private school. That you were perfectly happy staying here--well! He doesn't know you like I do, Castiel."

Castiel's fingers slipped and he hit the wrong note, plummeting the house from pretty song into a terrible loud pang representing his mistake. He held back a curse that attempted to be whispered from his lips, and instead cursed at himself in his head, replacing his fingers back on the correct notes to pick the song back up again.

Before he did so, he mumbled to half to himself and half to his mother, "But I don't wanna switch schools."

"Whats that, sweetheart? Don't screw that note up again, you were doing so well!"

"I don't want to switch schools," he repeated, his fingers refusing to press down on the keys again, "I like going to school with Anna and Gabriel."

"Gabriels graduating." She said, even though that was irrelevant, "I'm surprised he even is getting to walk at graduation. He's still got a few months to screw up though."

"Don't say that, Mom." Castiel said, his heart beating hard from speaking up. His eyes concentrated at the wall in front of him. It sported their family portrait. They were standing in front of a grassy field, and they were all wearing white clothing with some sort of jean blue denim. They were all sporting fake, happy smiles. His mother and father were standing hand in hand, their eyes flashing with the fakeness of it all. They would never admit to it, but Castiel could see it now. He turned his eyes away from the portrait.

"Gabriels okay...Are you making me switch schools?"

She huffed, obviously still heated about the argument. "Not as long as your father has something to say about it. Aren't you going to finish that song, Cassie?"

He was slightly relieved for not switching schools, but that horrible feeling mixing in his gut was still there the longer his mother talked with that snappish tone when talking about his siblings and his father.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he finally began playing the song again. He hoped that the conversation would end there, and that the song would blow away any more negativity she had. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

"He always has something to say," she continued, "what does he know? He can't even hold a job. The sequel to his novel he's been working on for a year isn't anywhere near finished--how the hell am I supposed to raise you kids?"

"He's almost finished with it," Castiel squeaked over the song, "and he's still making money from his other book. It's really popular. I thought he was going to go to that book signing--"

"Whose side are you on, Castiel?" She slammed the knife down on the counter, and he could feel her glaring at him. The outburst of noise made him slip up again, the mistake note echoing throughout the empty house. Castiel looked over his shoulder to stare at her open mouthed, and slowly sink into his shoulders to hide his face. Anxiety crippled him and clogged his throat to keep him from retorting. The only noise was the ticking and tocking from the grandfather clock, until she sighed and then went back to shedding the lettuce. "You're all turning out just like you're father," she mumbled.

"If you don't like it here just leave already!"

He wasn't even aware that he had said it. The thought had merely crossed his mind, and he had little intention of saying it out loud, but it seemed that his mouth had other ideas. He hadn't realized what he had said until his mother turned to him with raised eyebrows and a hurt expression. His words echoed throughout the empty house like the rest of his mistakes had.

" _Castiel."_  She said, trying to keep her voice firm.

"I--" he croaked, "I'm sorry--I didn't mean-"

She cut him off, still speaking in the same false firm voice, "Go to your room please."

Castiel raked the piano bench across the floor to get up, and slowly shuffled his way towards the stairs, as he approached the doorway separating the living room and the kitchen he meant to apologize again, but didn't get the chance to due to his mother mumbling in a hurt and quivering voice,

"I thought you were my good boy, Castiel."

"You see," Castiel sniffled, wiping away the tears that were now stinging the corners of his eyes, "it's my fault she left. I broke her heart. I told her to leave and I broke her heart. She doesn't really want to talk to me. It's all my fault she left and I put everyone through this...I did all of this..."

"Cas...Castiel no..." Dean placed his other hand over Castiels and smoothed his thumb over his fingers soothingly, "Castiel you can't blame yourself for that."

"But--I told her to leave," he hiccuped, "If--if I hadn't maybe she would have stayed longer and-and her and my dad could have worked things out and then--then Gabriel wouldn't be depressed and my dad would be happy and Anna would--"

"She would have left anyway, Cas," Dean told him, "she wasn't happy. If it hadn't been then it would have been eventually. It could have been a day later, a week later, a month later. She still would have left, Cas. Whether you told her off or not. Maybe what you said hurt her feelings, but you can't let it eat you up inside. What she did to your family was wrong, and she shouldn't have left you like that, but you can't blame yourself. Okay?"

"But--but I--" he knew Dean was right, but there was still some dark part inside him telling him that it was his fault. He wanted to believe Dean, he was comforted by his words, but that thing inside him wouldn't leave him alone.

Dean shushed him and wrapped his arm around Castiels shoulder to pull him in towards his chest. They sat like that in a heavy silence that consisted of Castiel sniffing every few seconds. His face was nuzzled into Deans leather jacket, breathing in the comforting scent of Dean. It was intoxicating, and warm. The crying had made his head hurt, and he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep curled up with Dean, but he knew that he would have to go home soon.

He tried to make himself stay awake, forcing his fluttering eyelids to stay open, but they continued to droop and burn over his eyes. He told himself that maybe he'd just rest for a few moments, and that Dean would wake him up when it was time to go.

The song the crickets chirped lulled him to sleep.

When he woke back up the sky was a deep dark black and the stars and moon seemed to had disappeared. Dean was shaking him and calling his name, "Cas, Cas, wake up!"

"Hmm...wha-t? Five more minutes, Dean..." He reached out his arms to grab for Dean and hold him again, to feel the warmth against his body and tingle in his chest, "Please?"

"Sorry, pal," said Dean, his tone was hard and serious, "we don't have time for five more minutes."

Castiel now bolted up on his elbows, the world spinning from sitting up too quickly, "What time is it?"

" _Late_." said Dean, his hand locking around Castiels wrist and pulling him up to his feet. They quickly gathered up the blanket and the empty pizza box and coke bottles, scrambling to the bottom of he hill to reach the Impala. Dean threw the blanket into the back seat, telling Castiel to do the same with the garbage.

Dean tore the Impala out from the path that lead to the hill, and the gravel crunched under the tires when they hit the dirt road again.

Castiel scrambled to find his cellphone. He had left it inside the car while he and Dean went up to the top of the hill, and he regretted that decision once he saw that he had ten missed calls from his father, and Micheal. Gabriel had text bombed his phone with,

'dude where r u?'  
'Dad says its time to come home'  
'Dads losing his shit you better come home right now!'  
'Castiel why aren't you answering me?!'  
'CAS'

His heart thudded in his chest with the prickles of anxiety closing in on his lungs. It was midnight now. He held his head in his hands and mumbled, "Oh no..." he was certainly in trouble now. He wasn't sure how he was going to lie himself out of it this time. He didn't like lying to his father, but he had been doing it a lot lately. Besides, he couldn't think of a way to come out with the truth either. He couldn't say that he and Dean went on a date and lost track of time, it would practically cause a riot in his house.

Dean kept muttering about how sorry he was, about that this was his fault.

"It's all right, Dean..." Castiel said, trying to suppress the anxiety buzzing around his body.

"No, it's not all right, Cas," he snapped, glaring out the windshield at the road ahead of them, "your family already hates me. I can't keep keeping you out late like this and getting you in trouble."

Castiel frowned, "I can handle my family, Dean. We are both at fault here, and I-"

"How are you going to explain this to them?" Dean must have had been thinking the same thing Castiel was, "how are you going to explain this without coming out? We've hardly been going out for a week and when they find out--" something got caught in his throat, and he shook his head to wave it off, "when they find out I have a horrible feeling that they're not gonna support it, Cas. I don't wanna lose you just yet...It's already July and you're not going to be staying that long..."

Castiel stared at him with wide eyes and shaky fingers, "Dean...I'm not...I'm not ready to tell them."

He sighed heavily, leaning his elbow on the door and his hand in his hair, "I know you're not. I'm just..."

"You're worried about me." Castiel finished the sentence, causing Dean to glance at him and make a noise of acknowledgment that that was what he intended to say. "What are you worrying about me for?"

"I don't know," his sigh came out grumpily and ragged, "you're just...you're a good kid, Cas. I don't want you to feel like you  _have_  to be sneaking out like this and getting in trouble all the time just because you're hanging out with me...you know? Your dad isn't like my dad. Your dad actually cares about what time you've gotta be home at."

"I am fully aware of the consequences of my choices, Dean," Castiel replied hardly, "you may think you're being a-" he held up his hands to make air quotes with his fingers, "-'bad influence' on me, but honestly, this is the most fun I've ever had in my life. I'm happy."

Dean seemed to gulp hard around a lump in his throat, refusing to look back over at Castiel, "That's great, Cas, I'm glad. But that doesn't mean you should be doin' this. I feel like I'm corrupting you or somethin'."

Castiel fidgeted with his hands in his lap, thinking of someway to prove Dean wrong about this, but he knew that it was true. Partly at least. Dean had been a bit of an influence towards Castiels new behavior, but the rest was all on Castiel. These were his own choices. He didn't think of it as Dean corrupting him, it was more that Dean was showing him a different side of life that had always scared Cas. It was a side that was brighter, and was helping him discover who he truly was. He liked it here. He liked the smell of the Impala, and Deans jacket, and the feeling of driving around in the middle of the night while the town is still asleep, it feels as though he and Dean are the only two people left on the planet, or time had simply frozen and they get longer than just one summer to spend together. He wished that they had longer than just the summer.

"You're not corrupting me..." he muttered, "we're just having fun...I like spending time with you."

"I like spending time with you too, Cas, but we're not going to be spending anytime together if you keep getting into trouble."

Castiel sighed, pressing his cheek against his knuckles as he gazed out the window. They were beginning to approach town now. He knew that Dean was right. He couldn't keep getting himself into trouble and lying his way out of it, eventually his father might catch on and he'd be in bigger trouble than if he hadn't lied. As much as he liked sneaking out and around, he needed to start being wiser about it, otherwise he and Dean wouldn't have a summer together at all.

"All right," he agreed, "I'm going to start being smarter about this."

"What do you mean?"  
"I want to spend the summer with you, Dean, but no more sneaking out. At least, no sneaking out and getting caught anymore."

"Or breaking curfew." Dean minded, flashing a toothy smirk.

"And getting caught." added Cas.

"Seems like a plan," said Dean, "and you know, Cas, you don't have to sneak around with me in the Impala just to hang out with me you know? We can do other things. Like...watch movies at my place and stuff. You can come over on a day Adam's not around, I could kick Sammy outta the house, we'll watch Star Trek, have some fun. No sneaking around late at night business. You down?"

Castiel huffed a laugh, nodding, "Sounds nice."

"Awesome." Deans smirk stretched into a grin, and he flipped the stereo back on to play the loud rock music that he seemed to love so much, changing the mood in the car from tense and anxious to light and fun. "Let's hope you're not in too much trouble. We only have a month together after all, we gotta raise a little Hell once in a while."

Castiel watched the bright lights of twenty four hour stores and fast food restaurants flash by the window in a neon blur, as the Impala sped through town. Although he felt slightly better than he had when he had first looked at his phone to see all the missed messages, the anxiety still ate at him, and he feared the punishment to come.

He still couldn't think of a good enough lie, and his time for thinking one up was running out.

XxX

Slowly, the Impala creeped to a steady stop in front of the Shurleys vacation home. The house was dark, with the exception of a flickering light coming from the living room that Castiel suspected to be the T.V. Dean shifted the gear into park, and they sat in their seats, listening to the steady hum of the engine, and the soft dull beat of Metallica on the stereo after Dean turned the volume down. The two gazed at the house as though it were about to come to life and yell at Castiel itself for coming home so late.

"You want me to come inside with you?" Dean asked softly.

"No," he sighed, "you better just go home. I'll be fine."

"Okay...I'll see you tomorrow...hopefully?"

Castiel smirked and leaned over to press his lips against Deans cheek, "Hopefully." He confirmed, before sliding out of the car and shutting the door, waving to Dean through the window. Dean waved back, but didn't leave right away.

Castiel could still hear the purring engine behind him as he walked up the porch steps to his house. Before he clasped his hand around the door handle to walk inside, he gave one last glance over his shoulder at Dean, waving his hand in the direction of Deans house as a signal for him to leave already. From the porch Castiel could see Dean roll his eyes in the Impala and wave back before finally pulling slowly away towards his home.

With a long drawn out sigh, Castiel opened the front door with a loud squeak and kicked off his shoes in the foyer before trying to quietly tip toe to the stair steps. He made sure to shut the door softly, the tiny click of the latch might has well had been a bomb going off from how loudly it sounded throughout the silent house. Castiel looked off towards his fathers bedroom, looking and hearing for any sign of stirring. He hoped that he had just gone to bed instead of waiting up for him, and that it had been someone else watching television in the living room. He was too tired to be yelled at at the moment, and would rather deal with a punishment in the morning.

As he crept towards the stairs he could hear the dull talking voices of people on the television. The light from it flickered on the floor, casting disfigured shadows from the furniture creeping along the floor and reaching out to Castiel. With his socks muffling his footsteps, he turned his head to glance at who was in the living room. He spotted the dark mess of hair peeking up from behind the couch, and identified it as his father. Sucking in his breath, he continued his tip toeing to the stairs. Once his hand was on the banister and his foot was touching the first step, he thought he would make it to his bedroom, but was caught off guard when he heard the gruff sleepy voice of-

"Castiel."

He winced as though he had stuck him. When he didn't respond he heard his father shift on the couch and repeat his name again, more firmly.

"Castiel."

"Yeah, Dad?" He gulped, clenching his fingers into his palm.

"Come here."

With his shoulders slumped slightly, he shuffled away from the staircase and back towards the living room that was now glowing with the yellow lamp light. When Castiel walked in Chuck was already staring at him. His eyes looked slightly bloodshot and his expression was hard. Castiel only had seen that look from afar, when Chuck was scolding his older siblings for something they had done wrong. Now that the look was directed at him, he felt something shrivel and curl inside him. He almost wished he hadn't gotten out of the Impala.

"Come sit down." Chuck patted the empty spot on the couch next to him, and Castiel want to deny it. He sat down anyway, looking guiltily down at his socks.

The loud ticking and tocking of the clock filled the silence, and every pang of a second felt more like an eternity.

"What were you thinking?" Chuck began. When he was more upset than angry he didn't yell at his children, he only usually talked to them with this disappointed tone in his voice that seemed to hurt worse than getting screamed at. "You said you had your phone with you, why didn't you answer it?"

"I..." Castiels mouth suddenly became very dry, and he was desperate for a drink of water, "I left it in the car. Dean took me...took me to the park and I left my phone in the car. We lost track of time." He lied about the park because he wasn't exactly sure how he would explain stargazing on a hill in the middle of nowhere platonic. He licked his dry lips nervously, hoping that his father wouldn't be too mad at him to ground him from the fourth of July festivities taking place tomorrow.

"Castiel," Chuck pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing and squeezing his eyes, "you can't keep doing this, son. Since we got here you've been sneaking around like this. I don't want to ground you from your friends because you seem so...happy. And, Castiel, I really love seeing you happy again, but I can't accept behavior like this. You know that."

He nodded at his feet.

"I want you to give me your phone, Castiel." He held out his palm, and Castiel fished his phone out from his pocket, hesitant to give it up. If he didn't have his phone it was one less way of getting a hold of Dean. He didn't know how long this grounding would be, and like Dean had said, they only had a month together, he planned on spending it with Dean as much as possible.

With his fingers tightening around his cellphone for a moment, he decided that he'd find another way to get in touch with Dean until this grounding was over. His father was frowning at him now, and the longer he waited to give up his phone the more suspicious Chuck got. He worried that the grounding would last longer if he hesitated anymore. He pressed his phone into the palm of Chucks hand, and watched as his father placed it into his own pocket.

"...Can I still hang out with Balthazar and my friends at the fourth of July tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

Chuck thought for a moment, tapping his finger against his temple. He sighed and said, "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Get some sleep."

"Okay. I love you, Dad."

Chuck gave him a tired smirk, leaning over to comb his fingers through his dark tangled hair, "I love you too, Cas. Go to sleep."

Castiel got up from the couch, walking back towards the staircase and calling softly back to his father, "Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Castiel."

XxX

When he woke up the following day his bedroom was empty and there seemed to be a commotion coming from downstairs. Rubbing the crust from the corners of his eyes, he got up and shuffled out to the stairs, stretching out every kink in his body as he did so. He had been sleeping for hours now, but when he thought back to last night it felt like it had merely been five minutes.

The smells of eggs and sausages hit his nose when he reached the top of the stairs, making his stomach growl. He hurried down the steps to the kitchen to grab breakfast before his siblings ate it all. When he entered the kitchen Lucifer immediately called out to him, "Well, well, well, look who finally decided to come home after all!"

He gave him a smug smirk as Castiel walked past the island to grab a plate of breakfast.

"Oh, leave him alone," Anna snapped at him, "it's not like you've never stayed out late before."

"Yeah," said Lucifer, "but this is Castiel we're talking about. He's finally coming around! Breakin' rules, sneaking out. Maybe we'll let you in on our trickster club now, huh, Gabe?" He nudged his elbow into Gabriels arm, grinning wickedly. Gabriels cheeks were full of food and his headphones were locked onto his ears again, so it had seemed as though he hadn't been paying attention at all, but his response was hallow and unenthusiastic compared to Lucifers.

"Yeah," he said, swallowing his breakfast, "great." He stared daggers into the back of Castiels head so hard that Cas could feel them. He was worried that Gabriel was possibly catching onto the fact that he and Dean may be seeing each other, and Gabriel wasn't going to be happy about that.

"So, what's the damage?" Micheal asked, swooping over to his brothers side and leaning on the counter top to corner him in, "Dad wouldn't tell us anything. How long are you grounded for?"

"Don't know." He mumbled, making a failed attempt to push past Micheal.

"He didn't tell you?"  
"No."  
"What happened then? Did he at least tell you what your punishment was?"  
"Yeah, he took away my phone."  
"And...?"  
"And what?"  
"That's it?"

Castiel nodded.

" _Damn_ , Castiel," Lucifer said loudly, making Samandriel look up with surprise. "How are you always let off the hook? When I get grounded all I'm allowed to do is sit in my room and stare at the ceiling. I would sell my soul to just get my phone taken away as a grounding."

"It's obvious he's the favorite," Anna teased, brushing her long red hair off her shoulders, "just look at that sweet face. How could you possibly stay mad at him for long?"

Castiel frowned at her, his ears feeling hot with embarrassment, and he finally managed to push past Micheal, sitting next to Samandriel at the table while the rest of the siblings all cooed over their shoulders at him.

"I think we embarrassed him," Lucifer snickered.

"We can't help it," added Anna, "you'll always be our cute baby brother, Cassie."

"I thought I was the cute baby brother." said Samandriel.

Anna and Lucifer started snickering just when their father reentered the kitchen. He spotted Castiel instantly and smiled, "Good morning, Castiel."

"Good morning." he responded.

"Whats so funny in here?" Chuck asked Anna and Lucifer, walking to the refrigerator to pull out the gallon of milk.

"Oh, nothing." said Anna with a wave of her pale hand, "You had to be there."

"I hope you're not all bothering Castiel about his punishment."

"Wha-at?" Lucifer gasped, pretending to be astonished, "Father! Why would we ever--?"

"Do us all a favor, Lucifer," said Chuck, "and don't become an actor. All right?"

Anna and Micheal snorted back laughter, and Castiel tried to remember the last time anyone had laughed so much like this. It was like they had a bad case of the giggles and they seemed so genuinely happy. He understood why Gabriel didn't want to tell anyone else about their mother calling, it would ruin all this.

"Dad," Castiel spoke up softly, quieting the giggles. "Can I still hang out with my friends at the fireworks tonight?"

Everyone turned to look at Cas as he spoke, and then turned their eyes to their father to hear his answer. He sipped milk out of a glass, staring down inside of it as he thought for a moment. "As long as Balthazar is with you I don't see why not."

Relief flowed through him and he sighed blissfully. Lucifer grumbled something under his breath, and he caught Gabriel shooting him glare over his shoulder. Castiel didn't really care that they were upset with him for not being punished the same way they would be, he was just happy he could see and talk to Dean again.

XxX

They went over to Aunt Rachel's and Uncle Joshua's at six o'clock. Castiel was eager to leave by then in order to see Dean sooner, though it was most likely he wouldn't see him and Sam until they went up to the lot to see the fireworks.

Samandriel wanted to play with the sparklers as soon as he spotted the packages sitting on the counter top, but Uncle Joshua reminded him that those were for later. Lucifer and Micheal helped Uncle Joshua and Chuck with the bonfire, and they all ate roasted hot dogs and corn on the cob around the fire in plastic lawn chairs. Their fingers smelled like bug spray and sunscreen, but the food tasted just as good. After that they all packed up their chairs and blankets and sweatshirts and began walking towards Dean and Sams house.

"Where are we going to meet them?" Castiel asked Balthazar impatiently. It had almost been a whole day since he last talked to Dean, and he needed to explain to him why that was.

"Relax, Cassie," Balthazar pushed his shoulder, annoyed with the constant questions about Dean and Sam, "we're gonna see them."

They came to the grassy empty lot where already crowds of families were sitting in chairs and blankets, the air was full of chatter and laughter as children chased each other with light up swords and glow sticks, their faces painted with red white and blue paint and their clothing sporting some kind of patriotic graphic. Aunt Rachel picked a clear spot in the grass and laid out the blanket. Samandriel asked if it was time for sparklers. Naomi pointed out that it wasn't dark enough for that yet.

"Can we look for Sam and Dean now?" Castiel asked hopefully.

"Go on." Chuck smiled, waving him and Balthazar off, "Just stay close to Balthazar."

"I will." Castiel promised, taking Balthazar by the wrist and pulling him off in the direction of the Winchesters house.

"Castiel honestly," Balthazar groaned lowly so only he could hear him. "I know you have a crush on the kid but this is turning into an obsession."

"It is not," Castiel glared at him, "I'm just happy to have friends."

"Hey!" Gabriel suddenly raised his hand as though he were asking a question in class. "Can I come along too?"

Balthazar dug his heels into the ground to pull Castiel and him to a stop, turning over his shoulder to see Gabriel jogging towards them with his headphones slung around his neck. Balthazar turned to Castiel and raised his eyebrows in question, as though it were Castiel who was in charge.

"I don't care." he said, "You want to come along for Sam?"

"Course he does," Balthazars mouth tugged up to a smirk, "Sammys his little boyfriend now after all."

"You two are still on that?" Gabriel rolled his eyes, "You're sick bitches if you ask me."

Something buzzed loudly in Balthazar's pocket, and he wiggled his wrist out of his cousins grasp, fishing his phone out, and tapping his fingers on the screen and announcing, "Dean just said that he's on his way with Sam and Benny. We should run into them if we keep walking this way."

"Okay." said Castiel.

They continued walking down the sidewalk, the crowds of people thinning out the longer they walked. They kept a lookout for any sign of the others, and where about halfway to the Winchesters place when Castiel finally spotted Dean.

"Dean! Hello, Dean!" Castiel called, waving his hand in the air to catch his attention. At the sound of his name Dean turned and his mouth split into a smile.

Sam was grinning also, scampering up to meet his friends with Dean and Benny tailing behind him.

"Hello, Sam," said Castiel, "you didn't bring Bones?"

"No," he huffed, "Dean said he'd be too much trouble.

"Damn right he would," said Dean, appearing at his side, "it'd just be one more thing to look after while we're here."

Sam rolled his eyes, mumbling 'whatever' under his breath. "I wanted Gabriel to meet him," he said loud enough now, "he likes dogs too!"

"Next time, kiddo." Gabriel tousled his mop-top.

"No Adam either?" Asked Balthazar.

"Nope," sighed Dean, making the 'p' pop on his lips, "Miss Kate kept him home. He's not much of a fan of fireworks anyways."

"Samandriel was looking forward to playing with him." Said Castiel.

"Ah, well, you'll just have to bring him over again sometime." Dean caught his eyes and winked, wetting his pink lips with his even pinker tongue.

"I guess so."

"Quit flirting it's making me sick," Benny pretended to gag. For a moment Castiel feared that Dean had told him their secret, but that was quickly subsided when Dean playfully punched his friend in the arm and Sam told him to shut up. That joke had been targeted at both parties.

"So," Benny nursed his arm, his smirk showing that he did not regret making his joke. "are we off to raise a little hell?"

"And what, may I ask," said Balthazar, rolling his eyes as their group began walking in the other direction, "kind of hell do you plan on raising tonight, Benjamin?"

"Oh, you know," he shrugged his shoulders, flashing his teeth, "firecrackers, bottle rockets, all that good stuff."

"Where the hell are we getting those?" Balthazar picked up his pace fall into step beside Benny, leaving Dean and Castiel behind them, "Last I recall, you are not eighteen yet."

"I know a guy." said Benny.

"I'm eighteen!" Gabriel shot his hand up in the air again, "I just had my birthday."

"Brother," Benny slung his arm over Gabriels shoulder, accidentally squeezing Sam out of the loop and making him walk sullenly behind them, "You are gonna come in handy tonight."

"So," Dean whispered lowly to Castiel, watching the back of Bennys head, "how bad was it? You get your phone taken away? I tried to text you."

"Yeah, I got my phone taken away. But that was the worst of it. I get to hang out with all of you as long as I'm with Balthazar."

"Damn," Dean muttered, "I was hopin' we could at least get some kinda alone time."

Castiel blushed hard, making Dean chuckle. He coughed, although he had no intention of clearing his throat. "What kinda plans does Benny have tonight anyway?" Castiel scratched the back of his neck.

"Eh, I think he just likes being underage and being able to have fireworks...you know? He probably just wants to light some off himself. Maybe scare some cats with firecrackers or somethin'. Nothing that bad really. Gabriel is eighteen so if we get caught its not like we'll get in trouble."

Castiel nodded, looking down to his hands and noticing how empty they were. He looked at Deans hands too. They seemed empty as well. He whispered mostly to himself, but loud enough for Dean to hear him, "I wish we could hold hands."

Deans ears turned pink, and he did the same fake cough Castiel had. "We could...if we lost these asshats."

"Dean, I can't--"  
"Don't worry about Balthazar. He won't tell anybody, and I doubt your brother would either. 'Zar'll just text me to ask where we ran off to, and we'll come back. Your dad doesn't have to know."

Castiel worried on his lip, something that felt like a combination of excitement and anxiety swirled inside him, and his gut told him that he should stay with the group just in case...but he wanted to touch Dean again and kiss him...then he would come back.

"Okay." he said softly.

They walked slower and slower until people from the crowd moved in front of them and they became separated from the others. "Oops!" Dean shrugged his shoulders comically, "Well, it looks like we got lost from our group, Cas. What do you think we should do?"

Castiel giggled, lacing his fingers in between Deans, "We should probably go look for them."

"Yeah, probably."

Dean started running off in the other direction, pulling Castiel behind him the entire way until they came to an alleyway and he turned inside it. He didn't stop running until they came to the dead end of the alley, and he pressed his back up against the scratchy brick wall, out of breath.

It was like the time when they were running away from Azazel and Alistair, Castiel observed. They were out of breath and sweaty, standing in the dark shadows of an alley as people walked past the opening. Castiel could smell the mint on Deans breath again, and the leather of his jacket. But this time was different, because this time he could actually kiss Dean.

He leaned forward and pressed his mouth against the soft warm lips that sent warm tingles flowing through Castiels body. Dean kissed him back, instantly kneading his fingers through the thick black hair on Castiels head, his rough callouses grazing Castiels smooth cheek. Castiel almost jumped with surprise when he felt Deans tongue grazing along his bottom lip, though he didn't know why, since this was the same kind of kiss they had shared while at the fair. He just supposed that he was still learning how the ropes of this whole kissing thing.

When he opened his mouth to permit Deans pleading tongue, the same nerves and endorphins began exploding all over his body. It was as though they were on a roller coaster and his nerves were screaming with delight. His blood rushed loudly in his ears.

Something boiling hot bubbled in his abdomen when Deans fingers rubbed at a spot behind his earlobe, and he shuddered, parting from the kiss for a moment to rest his head on Deans shoulder.

"You all right?" Dean chuckled awkwardly, "Or was that too much for you? We can stop if you want."

"No," Cas panted, "that felt good."

"What did?"  
"What you did to my ear. Do it again."

Dean gave him a confused look before slowly raising his hand again to rub at the spot behind his ear, "You mean this-?"

Castiel shuddered again, his spine tingling and the hairs on the back of his neck standing up straight. "Yes," he practically groaned, " _that."_

"Jesus, Cas," Dean took his hand away, "I'm all for experimenting and crap, but I don't wanna get you all hot and bothered in the middle of the street."

"Sorry." Castiel picked up his head, the hot bubbling in his gut slowly cooling off. Deans face looked flushed pink, his freckles standing out on his tan skin. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No-well-yes-but-don't worry about it," Dean stammered, "just...don't make that noise again. Unless we're someplace...Private-er."

"Okay. Can we go back to kissing again?"

Dean laughed, and when he shook his head no Castiels heart sank, afraid that what he had done made Dean not want to kiss him anymore. "We're gonna have to take a break on that, Cas. If we do any more of that I'm gonna be  _very_  uncomfortable." he warned.

"Oh," said Castiel, blinking, "you mean you'd become aroused."

"Jeesh, don't say it like that."  
"What?"  
"You say it like...all nerdy and stuff."  
"How would you want me to say it?"  
"Just...don't say anything about it all right? It's not something we're gonna worry about right now."

"Okay." said Castiel, slightly disappointed that their kissing was being cut short, "do you think Balthazar noticed we had gone?"

"Let me check." Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket, making the screen light up his face when he opened it. When he opened his messages he smirked and said, "Yep. They noticed. C'mon, we'll meet back up with 'em."

"Okay." Castiel sighed heavily, lacing his fingers back with Deans as they left the alleyway. "What did he say?"

"He said that I better return you pronto before he has me arrested for kidnapping."

"Sounds like something he would say."

Dean laughed, his fingers tightening in the gaps between Castiels. Their hands were already sweating, thanks to the hot southern sun beating on their backs as they walked down the sidewalk, weaving through crowds of people. Though the sun was starting to turn orange and set in the sky, it was still sticky and miserable.

"What time do they set the fireworks off again?" Castiel asked.

"Usually around nine I think--shit there's Benny." Dean dropped their hands at once. Castiel was beginning to hate this secret very much.

Balthazar and Benny were standing outside a store, leaning against the wall outside of it and attempting to shoot what looked like candy wrappers into a trash bin across from them. Here the crowds of people seemed to disappear, everyone was at the other side of town for the fireworks, and it would have been easy for either of them to spot Castiel and Dean, but luckily they seemed to occupied with their game to pay much attention to who was around them.

"Benny! Balthazar!" Dean grinned wickedly, like he had just pulled a very funny joke on the two of them by running off with Castiel. They picked their heads up as his voice rang through the air and they immediately started scolding him and Castiel.

"Who the hell do you guys think ya are anyway?" Benny huffed, "Ya'll are always runnin' off together. What are you always doin'? Makin' out in back alleys or somethin'?"

"Hush up, Benny." snapped Dean, his ears turning magenta.

"You two are more trouble than you're worth," said Balthazar, placing his hands on his hips, "I turn my back for two seconds and already you've gone and run off God knows where! You're already grounded, Castiel, you're lucky I'm a nice cousin!"

Castiel smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. "Have I told you lately that you're my  _favorite_ -"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Balthazar cut him off, waving his hand in the air, "you don't need to butter me up with that load of bullshit, I've got your back, Cassie, even when you don't deserve it."

"Thank you, Balthazar." Castiel grinned at him.

"Where are Gabriel and Sammy by the way?" Dean frowned, looking around them in search of his little brother. Castiel sensed that Dean was going to be antsy again once he didn't know exactly where Sam had gone off to.

"They wanted to get firecrackers." Benny hitched his thumb in the direction they had gone off to. "We waited here for you two idiots while they went to grab the fireworks. We'll go catch up with 'em. C'mon."

Benny began leading them off farther down the sidewalk. The farther they went the softer the loud chatter of the crowds of people went, until they couldn't hear it at all anymore. Benny was just about to lead them down a corner when an unsuspecting person ran straight into his shoulder. Benny started apologizing at once, until he and the other person realized who they had run into.

"Well, look who it is, boys!" Zachariah said, practically giddy and beaming to Alistair and Azazel. "Just the ones we wanted to see!"

"We were just talking about your pretty faces." Alistair purred.

"We were on our way to find you all actually," added Azazel, "wanted to stop in and have a talk."

"Not you three again." Dean growled under his breath as the three bullies approached them with ridiculous smug smirks on their faces.

"We've got you all out numbered," Balthazar warned, "so don't try anything!"

"Don't worry, Balthy," Zachariah sneered, "we wouldn't dream of it. We just wanted to have a simple chat."

"You were serious about that?" snorted Benny, "What the hell would you want to talk to us 'bout?"

Alistair's face seemed to contort into something painfully wicked as he hovered around their group, his hands folded behind his back. His horrible gleaming eyes were locked onto Castiel, and Castiel couldn't help but feel like something bad was about to happen. He didn't let it show though. He simply glared right back at him.

"We came to talk to Dean and Castiel here." Alistair cooed.

Balthazar took a side-step in front of his cousin, his fists bunched at his sides as he attempted to make himself seem taller in order to protect Castiel. "How do you even know his name?" he snarled, "What do you need to talk to them for anyway?"

"You didn't tell them?" asked Azazel, leaning over on his foot to make eye contact with Castiel and Dean, "Oh, my. We ran into these two back at the fair. They were absolutely adorable, weren't they, Zachariah?"

"Oh, yes,  _painfully_  adorable more like."

Benny frowned darkly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

" _Dean_." Castiel whispered harshly, but Dean merely shushed him.

"Oh, well, this just keeps getting better and better!" Alistair's grin was widening, "We've got ourselves a little Romeo and Juliet here."

Balthazar turned to look over his shoulder at his cousin and Dean, "Cassie...? What is he talking about?"

"Why don't you all just mind your own god damn business!" Dean barked, "You've got your noses practically up everyone's asses, leave us the hell alone!"

"Touchy, touchy." Azazel tisked, "We're only teasing. We weren't even picking on your boyfriend this time."

"Boyfriend?" Benny huffed, his blue eyes wide and confused as he turned to look at both Castiel and Dean, "Is there something you haven't told me, brother? Or are these fellas just yankin' my chain?"

"Listen, Benjamin," said Zachariah, "if you didn't know that your-uh- _brother_  was a faggot by now that's your own problem."

The word pierced Castiels heart and stung his eardrums. It was the first time he had really heard the word and gave it a sort of meaning to it. He had heard it a few times before in his life being uttered by Lucifer of Micheal, but at the time he had heard it he had merely brushed it off like it was a joke he hadn't really understood. But the way Zachariah had said it he knew that he had meant it in a hurtful way, like it was something they should be ashamed of.

The word had obviously stuck a nerve on Benny as well, for as soon as Zachariah had said it, he had pounced forward and struck his fist to his jaw, sending Zachariah stumbling backwards. Alistair and Azazel turned on their heels to attack Benny as well, but Dean stuck out his leg, tripping Alistair and making him land flat on his face. Azazel however reached Benny in time to punch him hard in the face before Balthazar ran up and knocked him onto the ground as well.

Benny tripped over his feet while cupping his mouth, Dean grabbed him by the armpits before he could fall on his butt on the sidewalk. His lip had been cut and was now bleeding down his chin.

"You're gonna pay for that, Lafitte," Zachariah hissed, "the rest of you will too!"

Alistair and Azazel got their feet, their dirty palms now sporting red cuts and scrapes. Once they had all scrambled to their feet, they shot dirty looks over their shoulders at the group before scampering away in the crowd of people parading the streets.

Benny wiped his wrist along his mouth, smearing bright red blood along his hand. He steadied himself onto his feet, shoving Dean away as he turned on his heel to glare at him. "What the hell, Dean?" He growled.

"What?"

"You know what," he hissed, "are you keeping secrets from me?"

"Benny--"

"Why didn't you just tell me, huh? I had to fuckin' find out from Zachariah, Azazel, and Alistair of all people! I wouldn't have cared! Not like it would have been surprisin' anyway! You not trust me or somethin', brother?"

"I didn't tell you because Cas didn't want to tell anyone all right? Don't take it so personally, Jesus! We didn't tell anyone!"

Castiel felt himself shrinking into his shoulders, and his fingernails pinched his palms. They were fighting because of him again. He screwed something up again, and now it seemed like even Balthazar was upset with him. His cousin was standing with a confused and hurt expression on his face as he toed pebbles on the ground with his sneakers. An ugly acidy feeling coiled itself around Castiels gut as he watched Dean and Benny bicker, praying that he would just disappear.

"I just don't get why you couldn't tell me." Benny tisked, folding his arms over his chest and glaring off at a building so he didn't have to look at Dean.

"Sorry I hurt your feelings, princess Benny," Dean retorted, "but Castiel isn't quite as out in the open with his sexuality as I am. The less people who knew about our relationship the better. If his family found out they'd toss him out on the streets! You know about it now, so quit actin' like a spoiled brat why don't you."

"Cassie..." Balthazar said softly, "Is that true? You didn't want to tell anyone?"

Castiel nodded, not lifting his eyes off the ground.

"Can you blame him?" Huffed Dean, "it was only yesterday that Samandriel said that he thought that kissing boys was wrong."

"It has nothing to do with you two," Castiel spoke up, "I would have told you eventually, Balthazar. I just...we wanted it to be a secret."

Balthazar placed his hand lovingly on his cousins shoulder, "I understand, Castiel. It's all right."

"Well, I don't." mumbled Benny, shoving his fists into his pockets. "This is gonna be like last time--"

"It's  _not_  going to be like last time." Dean snarled. "I swear, Benny."

"Please don't fight." Castiel whispered.

" _Tch_." Benny snorted, kicking a pebble into the street.

"Don't be like that," said Dean, "C'mon, Benny...We're pals right?"

Benny seemed to think this over for a moment. Continuing to look at anything except Deans gaze. After a long period of silence, Benny finally looked over to Dean, rolling his eyes. "'course we are, dumbass."

Dean smirked, hitting Bennys shoulder playfully and flicking off his hat from the top of his head. "Let's go find my damn little brother already, asshat."

The mood in the air changed completely after that. They went back to joking and chatting cheerfully again, but this time Dean and Castiel were able to show affection to each other. Dean was wrapping his hand around Castiels as they continued their search for Sam and Gabriel.

"You promise not to tell Gabriel right?" Castiel asked Balthazar with hopeful eyes, "I don't want him to know just yet..."

Balthazar gave him a smirk, patting his back softly, "I won't tell him, Cassie. Your secret is safe with me."

"You guys aren't going to act all gross in front of us now are you?" Benny turned so he could he look at both Dean and Castiel, "I mean...now that we know you're official and junk. I've been the third wheel plenty of times for Deano, here--"

"Don't you know when to shut that mouth of yours," Dean hit him in the ear, trying to knock his hat off again, but Benny held it in place.

"I'm just sayin'," he held up a hand defensively, "if you guys are gonna be makin' out in front of us now I want at least a warning that yer plannin' on doin' so."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Only when you're being a pain in the ass."

Benny clutched his hand to his heart dramatically, looking at his friend with fake puppy dog eyes, "That hurts, Deano. Really."

"Get over it."

 


	14. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away as he heard the sizzling sparks keep upwards towards the explosive, and then like a domino effect, one by one the rockets zoomed off up towards the sky. As soon as Castiel heard his own whistle away he dropped the stick out of fright. He opened his eyes and saw that the others had exploded into purple and blue and green light.

It didn't take long for them to stumble upon Sam and Gabriel sitting on the sidewalk with firecrackers and a lighter in Gabriels hands. A brown paper bag was sitting next to them, and Sam was watching with round curious green eyes as Gabriel lit the end of the wick, and then tossed it into the empty street, letting the it crackle and pop into sparks and smoke.

"Can I try, Gabe?" Sam made grabbing hands for the firecrackers resting in Gabriels lap, "Can I, please? Can I?"

"Hell, no!" Dean hurried up to jump behind them, swipping the zippo out of Gabriels hand. "Dad would kill me if I let you play with fireworks, Sammy."

"You never let me do anything." Sam pouted, putting his chin in his hands, "I wish Gabriel was my brother instead."

"Trust me, Sam," Said Castiel, "you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do," he stuck out his tongue stubbornly at Dean, "at least Gabriel is fun. You're just like Dad."

"The kids got good taste." Gabriel snickered, taking his zippo back from Dean and playing with it in his fingers.

Dean rolled his eyes, mumbling under his breath, "This is what I get for takin' care of the kid. Jesus."

No one else seemed to had heard his comment. Benny stepped up, picking up the bag from off the ground and frowning, "You were supposed to wait for us!"

"Oh, relax, Benny," said Gabriel, leaning back on his hands, "you still have to pick up all those fireworks from your friend, and we only used a few. Sammich wanted to see 'em." He then drove his hand into his pocket and pulled out a blue raspberry toostie pop. He ripped off the wrapper and popped it into his mouth, twirling it around his lips and tongue.

"Where do you get all that candy?" Sam asked, pointing to the sucker, "do you have a secret stash? Dean always eats all of mine."

"Thats 'cause you don't hide it very well." said Dean.

Gabriel smirked, pulling the sucker, now sticky with his spit, out of his mouth and waving it in the air as he talked, "Yeah, I've got a stash. It's basically like my pirate treasure. Nobody knows about it 'cept me." He pointed a thumb to his chest.

"I thought you said if was a 'trickester secret'." Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Well," said Balthazar, shrugging his shoulders, "it sort of is. But even Lucifer and I have no idea where that stash of his is."

"Whats a...trickster?" Sam asked slowly, eyeing Gabriel with his puzzled gaze.

"It's basically a club Balthazar, Lucifer and I made up when we were younger," explained Gabriel, his tongue now turning a bright blue, "we held secret meetings and we would scheme pranks and stuff like that. Castiel wasn't cool enough to join, and he'd always get his panties in a bunch when he wasn't allowed to play with us." he snorted, casting an evil glare towards his brother.

Castiel huffed, " _Please_. I couldn't care less about your stupid club. All you three ever did was steal our neighbors cookies, and put a frog in Naomi's hair."

"Thats not true," Balthazar exclaimed, "we also put a flaming bag of dog shit on Mr. Metatrons porch."

Gabriel snorted with laughter, " _Oh yeah_ , that was great!"

"All right, enough reminiscin'!" Benny barked, "I gotta get the fireworks from Desmond before he starts gettin' restless an' gives them to someone else."

"We're coming, we're coming." Gabriel got up off the sidewalk, brushing his palms off on his shorts.

"Hey, Benny," Said Sam, mimicking Gabriels dusting, "what happened to your face?"

"Whats wrong with it?"

"Your lip is fatter than usual."

Benny snapped a hard glare at Sam, retorting with, "What the hell are you-oh, wait-" He grazed his fingertips on his swelling lip that had ceased bleeding for a while now, "we ran into Zachariah and his fan club."

"Alistair and Azazel?" Sam gasped, "What did they want?"

"To clock Benny in the face obviously." said Balthazar.

"Did you strike him back?" asked Gabriel, skipping ahead to join them.

"'course I did," Benny boasted, "knocked him right on his ass. Then Azazel hit me in the lip, but Balthazar knocked him on his ass too."

" _Man_ ," Sam growled, "I always miss everything cool."

Benny chuckled, "It wasn't as cool as you're makin' it out to be, brother."

"We'll do something cool together, Sammy," said Dean, striding up and wrapping his arm around his little brothers shoulder, "cooler than getting punched in the face by Azazel, I promise ya."

Sam's nose wrinkled, and his eyes wouldn't look at Dean. He seemed to still be having hurt feelings about not being allowed to play with the firecrackers. He wiggled out of Deans grasp and seemed to gravitate to Gabriels hip. Deans expression went from playful to hurt in a matter of seconds. He didn't make a comment about it though. He merely shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and slowed his pace down in order for Castiel to catch up with him and walk together.

"Something wrong?" Castiel asked.

"No." He mumbled under his breath, "'S'not a big deal...so what if Sammy likes Gabriel better than me I don't care."

Castiel smiled, rolling his eyes, "He doesn't like Gabriel better than you. He just likes having a friend thats older than him. Why do you think he hangs out with us, Benny, and Balthazar all the time? You guys always exclude him, and now he has someone who actually wants his company."

"...Yeah, I guess. Whatever." Dean grumbled again, kicking a dead sparkler abandoned by some kid out into the street.

Castiel nudged his arm with his elbow playfully, attempting to cheer Dean up a bit. "He's your brother, he has to like you at least a little bit."

Dean grunted in response. Castiel thought he heard him mumbling under his breath, something along the lines of, "...thinks Gabriel is cooler...I'll show him whose the cooler older brother...son of a bitch..."

"Can I listen to your headphones, Gabriel?" Sam asked ahead of them.

"Sure, kiddo," Gabriel pulled his headphones off from around his neck and handed them over to Sam. The large earmuffs cuffed Sams small ears and they looked funny resting on his head. Gabriel then took out his Ipod and plugged in the bottom of the wire connecting the headphones. He shuffled through his songs before picking one and played it for Sam.

Sam jumped slightly from the volume of the music once it started playing, holding his fingers up to hold the earmuffs in place as he listened. After a few moments of listening, he scrunched his face up and laughed, " _Asia_? Yuck!"

"What?" Gabriel sputtered, "What's wrong with Asia? I have all their albums on here! They're only the best band ever! I got to see 'em in concert once."

"They're still around?" Sam scoffed.

"Shut up, Sammich," Gabriel swiped his headphones back and placed them on his own ears, "'course they're still around. You can't just expect the world to go on without a band like them!"

"Don't get him started on Asia," Balthazar warned, sighing, "we'll never get him to shut up."

"It was last summer when I got to go to their concert," Gabriel began, reminiscing, his eyes getting a far off glint to them, "I was so close I could see John Wettons sweat dripping down his face."

Balthazar and Castiel groaned. They had heard this story a million times already. Last summer Lucifer had taken Gabriel to see Asia in concert as a birthday present to him. It was about the greatest thing anyone could ever give Gabriel (candy of course was always appreciated, but this was a case in which candy became second). Lucifer had gotten a good deal on seats apparently, because Gabriel would go on and on about how close they were and how if only he were taller, or if he had stood on the seats he thinks he would have been able to touch them. When they came home that night Gabriel had bought just about every kind of Asia merchandise he could afford. His phone was full of pictures and videos from the concert, and it took a month for everyone to get sick of listening about them.

They then had to relive it all once Balthazars family came to visit for Christmas, and he got to show them and tell them everything about the concert.

Lucifer easily regretted buying those tickets, and wished that he would have just bought him a pinata instead.

"It was glorious," he sighed blissfully, "I want to go again."

"Please don't." said Castiel.

"We can't handle another post-concert-Gabriel." Added Balthazar.

"You're just jealous." He huffed, "Now, Sammy, wanna see all the pictures I took? I still have them all on my phone."

Balthazar and Castiel groaned again.

XxX

It was nearly eight-thirty by the time they reached Bennys friend, Desmond's house. He hopped up the porch steps and ratted on the door. Another boy answered it, and upon recognizing Benny, said, "It's about time." He then leaned over to grab a couple of brown paper bags with the longer types of fireworks sticking out the tops. He handed them to Benny, and they bid each other goodbye after Benny apologized for his lateness.

He then hurried back down to join his friends, his hands full of fireworks. "Shall we be goin' now, boys?" He asked, practically giddy and unable to hide his excitement.

"Just be careful with those," said Balthazar as they turned down the sidewalk to find an empty lot to light off their fireworks before the ones for the town went off. "you nearly took off my head last year."

"Oh, I did not," huffed Benny, "It wasn't anywhere near ya, 'Zar. Don't get in the way of where I'm aimin' and you won't get hit."

"Sammy you stay close to me when Benny's lighting them off, okay?" Dean told him, making his brother frown and wrap his fingers around the bottom of Gabriels shirt.

"I'll stay by Gabriel." He grumbled under his breath.

"Sam." Deans eyebrows furrowed over his eyes, but his brother didn't respond to him again. Gabriel turned to look at Dean over his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look and rolling his shoulders.

"I really do hate it when you two fight." Sighed Balthazar.

"We're not fighting." Sam and Dean snapped at the same time, making Balthazar hold his hands up as though he were giving up on the two of them.

"All right, all right, whatever you say. Don't bite my head off."

Castiel edged closer to Dean, whispering lowly so only he could hear him, "Are you upset, Dean?"

"Upset? Who's upset? I'm not upset. Sammy can act like a pain in the ass all he wants I don't care." He shuffled his footsteps along the sidewalk, not meeting Castiels gaze.

"He's just upset because you wouldn't let him play with the firecrackers," Castiel advised, "he doesn't understand-"

"It's not my fault!" Dean stopped walking, allowing the others to farther and farther ahead of them without noticing their absence. "I've got one job! One job that I'm actually kind of good at, and thats looking after him. If anything were to happen to Sam my dad would ring my neck. I want him to be a kid and have fun, but sometimes I  _have_  to act like his dad. If something happened to him..."

"Dean," Castiel grabbed his wrist, "you're still a kid too, you know."

Deans eyes widened, as though that thought had never crossed his mind. His mouth hung open wordlessly like a fish gasping for air on a dock. Castiel wondered if Dean ever thought of himself as a child, or that he was too busy taking care of his younger brothers to realize that.

"What are you two doing back there?" Gabriel suddenly shouted, breaking the long silence between the two. The others had wondered a bit ahead of them, and Gabriel had to cup his hands around his mouth in order for his voice to travel to them.

"You better not be ditchin' us again!" Added Balthazar.

"We're coming!" Dean called, breaking Castiels grip around his wrist and hurrying after the others, Castiel tailing behind.

"Why are you guys always doing that?" Sam asked, frowning darkly. "It seems like you're always trying to get rid of us."

"What?" said Dean, pretending to sound flabbergasted, "No, no, why would we want to do that?"

"I don't know," said Sam, "because you're a jerk."

"Cut it with the bad attitude already, Sam." Dean snapped, "you're acting like a spoiled brat."

Sam just glared at the buildings ahead of them, folding his arms across his chest and bundling his fingers into the sides of his shirt. Gabriel tried to cheer him up by digging into his pocket and pulling out a small plastic baggie of gummy bears.

"Both of you are actin' like idiots," huffed Benny, taking a turn down an empty lot, and dropping his bags of fireworks onto the ground, "get over yerselves. Now, someone help me with these things."

Dean immediately stepped forward to help Benny with the fireworks while Gabriel, Balthazar, Sam, and Castiel found a place to sit down and wait for their own private show. Gabriel swiped the firecrackers back when Benny wasn't looking, claiming that he had bought them with his own money so they were his, and Benny shouldn't have them.

"Can I light one off now, Gabe?" Sam whispered, tugging on Gabriels shirt as he pleaded.

"Your bro said no...so...I guess you can light one off. Just don't let him catch you." Gabriel whispered back.

"Yes!" said Sam softly, celebrating his small victory.

"Gabriel," Castiel said hardly, "Dean doesn't want him playing with those."

"What're you gonna do about it,  _Ass_ tiel?" retorted Gabriel, picking out a firecracker out of the bag for Sam to light off himself, "Tell on me? It's just one little firework. It's not gonna hurt anyone. Deano won't even notice it was Sammycakes who lit it off."

"Let the kid have his fun." added Balthazar.

Castiel just sighed to show his annoyance.

Gabriel made sure that Dean and Benny were preoccupied with handling the fireworks before handing Sam the firecracker and the lighter. Dean was holding onto Bennys shoulder with their backs facing them, whispering something into his ear, Bennys head nodding every once in awhile in agreement. Castiel wondered what they were talking about, but brushed it off when he heard the click of the lighter and turned to see Sam lighting the end of the wick of the firecracker. He tossed the miniature dynamite away from all of them and squealed with delight when it cracked into smoke by some trashcans, making a stray cat yelp in fear and scramble away out of the lot.

Benny and Dean turned towards the sound, then turned to look at the others. Dean frowned, but didn't call anyone out on it. He turned back around to Benny, sharing a few more words with him before they gathered the fireworks off the ground and started wondering further down the lot.

"Dean thinks he's so cool," mumbled Sam angrily, "I bet he did the same kinda stuff when he was my age. But just 'cause I'm me and he's him he won't let me do  _anything_."

Just then, Dean looked back over his shoulder and called, "Sammy!"

Sam jumped, he seemed to fear that maybe his older brother had heard him and now he was in trouble, so he didn't respond back. Dean called again, "Sammy, come over here, we need your help!"

Sam was surprised now, he looked up at Gabriel, Castiel, and Balthazar, as though wordlessly asking them if he had heard correctly. Gabriel gave him a small shove on the back and said, "Go on! He's calling you!"

Sams feet hurriedly scampered off towards Benny and his brother. Castiel and his brother and cousin sat down and watched as Dean talked to Sam, gesturing to the fireworks he and Benny had set up. They couldn't hear what any of them were saying, but Sams face seemed to contort into glee. Dean handed him something small and square, and then he and Sam both crouched down to ground. Dean was showing him something. Then, them and Benny sprang back, running back towards the other three and then quickly turning to watch the sky for something.

Castiel could see yellow sparks going off in the distance between Deans legs, and then, a loud whistle echoed through his ears. A comet zoomed up into the setting sky and exploded into red lights sprinkling the cotton candy clouds. Sam was bouncing on his heels. "I got to set it off! Did you see?" He squealed, as another whistle echoed around the lot, and neighboring kids in their houses ran to their windows to press their noses against the glass to watch an early firework show.

"Wanna see somethin' cooler?" Asked Dean, a smirk pulling at his lips crookedly.

"Yeah!"

Dean went off to the side, digging into the bags Benny had dumped in the lot. He returned with long, rocket-like sticks gathered in his arms.

"What're those?" Balthazar asked.

"You'll see." Dean replied, handing one off to Balthazar. There was one for everyone, though Castiel wasn't sure if he felt very safe having a large firework in his hands. He didn't trust himself with an explosive such as this. Dean went by with the lighter in his hands, first lighting the wick of Bennys, and then Sams, then Gabriels, and Balthazars, and finally Castiels and his own. He made sure to tell them to keep their arms outstretched and away from their bodies.

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away as he heard the sizzling sparks keep upwards towards the explosive, and then like a domino effect, one by one the rockets zoomed off up towards the sky. As soon as Castiel heard his own whistle away he dropped the stick out of fright. He opened his eyes and saw that the others had exploded into purple and blue and green light. Sam was laughing now, his face full of the sparks of light and joy. His eyes danced with the sparks and he cheered, "I feel like Harry Potter!"

"Don't be such a geek." replied Gabriel teasingly.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam turned to beam up at him, "Dad wouldn't let us do anything like this."

Dean smirked crookedly, giving his little brother a sly side ways glance before tousling his hair, and Sam wrapped his arms around his waist, nuzzling his head into his chest. "Not so much like Dad after all am I?" Dean chuckled awkwardly.

"You're the best, Dean." Sam whispered, though Castiel was able to hear it, and it made him smile to himself.

He tilted his gaze towards the sky, watching the rockets explode into bright pieces of light in the darkness. Once their rockets had ceased exploding, Benny ran up to light off the rest of them, swiping Deans lighter from him. Cas tried to pretend as though he hadn't noticed Dean and Sam were there in order to let them have their moment, but he couldn't help but overhear.

"You still think Gabriel would be a better brother than me?" Dean asked as another firework went zooming off.

"Eh," said Sam teasingly, "he's not a jerk like you, and he smells better."

"Oh, shut up, bitch."

Sams giggles filled the air, along with the booms and whistles of the fireworks.

XxX

After their own firework show, Gabriel broke out the firecrackers again and this time everyone was allowed to light off a few and scare the stray cats. Dean didn't fuss this time when Sam asked Gabriel if he could use them, and he seemed to like this distraction for once he made sure that the others were preoccupied with the firecrackers, he grabbed Castiels hand and asked him to come off with him. Castiels heart thudded and he nodded.

Dean swept them off behind the corner of the lot so they were masked behind the building, pressing Castiel up against the brick wall and kissing him hard on the mouth. Castiels hands wondered down and under Deans tshirt, his fingertips grazing the hard muscles under Deans skin. Dean grunted against Castiels mouth when his hands gently tapped against his sides, and Deans own hands gripped at Castiels hair.

They parted for a moment, panting heavily.

"That was really nice what you did for your brother." said Castiel.

" _God_ , don't bring up my kid brother when we're making out." said Dean, peppering kisses to Castiels jaw and neck.

"Sorr-yee." Castiels breath hitched, making the word come out as more than a whimper when he felt Deans teeth graze against his skin, making goosebumps shiver up his spine. Dean chuckled against his skin, his hands now resting on Castiels hips and his thumbs swirling absentminded circles into them. Castiel felt the return of the bubbling lava in his abdomen, his body tickling with warmth and pleasure. His breathing came out ragged and hard the longer Dean continued this.

He finally parted, lifting up his head and asking, "You think your cousin would care if we ran back to my place? It's not far from here."

Castiels heart sprang and he caught himself nodding so hard his brains were rattling in his skull. "I'll go tell him." His voice squeaked, nearly tripping on gravel as he ran back into the lot to tell Balthazar he would be leaving with Dean.

"Balthazar-Balth-Balthy." Castiels tongue felt too big for his mouth, his head was reeling with the thought that he and Dean would be going back to the Winchesters house  _alone_.

Balthazar turned at the sound of his name, giving his cousin a perplexed look. "What is it, Cassie?"

"I'm-uh-I'm going to Deans place. For a bit. Do you mind?"

Balthazar frowned, squinting his eyes and sticking his bottom lip into a pout.

"Will you cover for us, please?" Castiel continued, whispering, "I'll have Dean text you. And we'll meet back up before we head home."

Balthazar still continued to frown. Giving his younger cousin a disapproving look until he rubbed his knuckles hard against his scalp, giving his a sneaky smirk and saying, "Go have fun you crazy kid."

"Thank you, Balthazar." he breathed with relief, rubbing a soothing hand over his smarting scalp and scampering back off to Dean. When he rounded the corner he held out his hand for Dean to take, and by the light of the streetlamps they hurried off towards the Winchesters empty house. Their footsteps and giggles and shushing each other echoed around the neighborhood.

XxX

By the time they reached the house the fireworks had begun. Sam had been right when he said that their home was a perfect view for watching them. Their light glowed in the sky and made their shadows dance on the sidewalk.

Bones was outside in the yard, barking and wagging his tail excitedly for the sight of people. He pressed his wet nose through the holes in the fence, his brown eyes begging them to pet him. When Castiel reached him he reached out his hand and scratched behind his furry ears, making Bones lean against his touch and then lick at his fingers as he drew away.

"Come on, Cas," Dean whispered, lacing his fingers in between the spaces of Castiels. "Let's go inside." He didn't have to ask twice. With one hand holding onto Castiels, he took them into his house. Bones tried to follow, but Dean made him stay outside. The dog obediently obeyed. None of the lights were on inside, but they managed to make their way to Dean and Sams bedroom by the light of the multicolored fireworks exploding into the sky.

Dean sat down on his bed, throwing his leather jacket to the side,and Castiel sat next to him, only to be immediately attacked by Deans mouth. The warmth tickled Castiels insides and his heart thudded as Dean pressed him back against the mattress and pillows. Castiels fingers combed through Deans hair, tugging on it every time Deans teeth grazed on his bottom lip.

The booms,crackles,and whistles of fireworks continued on outside the window. Dean parted from the kiss for a moment, hovering over Castiel with a grin identical to that of a six year old on Christmas morning. He had his knees placed on either side of one of Castiels legs, and his hands were pressing into the comforter underneath him.

"I can't believe it," Dean breathed, "you're in my bed. You're in my bed, Cas I-"

Castiel shushed him. Pressing a soft finger to his pink lips and then reaching up to kiss them. The room was exploding with bursts of red, blue, yellow, and green light. The sparks of light made Deans face glow and his eyes blaze with the drops of the rockets shooting across his iris's like shooting stars.

Dean gave into the kiss, running his tongue along Castiels lips until they opened and he mapped out the inside of his mouth like it had done so many times before already. He then went to Castiels neck, grazing his teeth along the skin, making Castiel quiver under him. He was making sucking, sloppy noises as he kissed his neck. Castiel knew from overhearing tales of his big brothers and Balthazar, that Dean was giving him a hickey. Cas's hands ran down the back of Deans shirts until he came to his ass. Unsure if this was an alright thing to do, he slowly moved one hand down to meet the rough texture of blue jeans. Dean smiled against his neck and picked up his head to look at his face. "It's all right, Cas," he said with almost a laugh, "it's all right."

Castiels palm was now resting on Deans ass and he gave it a squeeze just as Dean was going back to plaster more purple circles along Castiels neck. Dean grunted, stopping himself from resuming his position. He looked back to Cas with a wicked grin on his face before rolling his hips against Castiels thigh, making him blush like a whore in church. Castiel swallowed a squeak, throwing his head back against the pillows.

"You know, Cas," Dean whispered, although there was no one else around, "I think you're wearing too much clothes. Mind if I-?"

Castiel gave him a nod of okay and Dean wiggled Castiel out of his tshirt. Attacking his collar bone to give him more of those wet biting kisses. With every suck and nibble against Castiels skin the more heat pooled in the pit of his abdomen. His dick was pressing against the zipper of his shorts, and he had to bite his lip to keep back another whimper when Dean pressed his flat tongue down his chest and to his belly button.

Castiel stopped him for a moment. "This isn't fair."

"What?"  
"You're wearing too much clothing too."

Dean giggled and sat back to allow Castiel to undress him from his over shirt, his shirt, and his undershirt. Throwing them all onto the growing pile of clothing on the side of the bed. Dean pressed Castiel back onto the mattress with a long kiss, and their chests touching. When they parted, Dean pressed his forehead against the others. Castiels thumb traced down from the tip of Deans nose, over his lips, and to his chin. Grazing a finger over the nearly invisible scratch on his cheek for a moment. His eyes attempting to catch every granola colored freckle sprinkling his nose and face every time a firework lit up his face. His other hand gripped onto Deans hair.

Dean rubbed his fingers along that spot behind Castiels ear, making him shudder and bite into his lip to keep from groaning like he had back at the alley. Dean grinned down at him, "You don't have to hold back now, Cas," he said softly, "nobody will hear ya, 'cept me."

With a drag of his hips Dean rubbed his erection against Castiels, making him pull on the sandy hair his fingers were latched onto. He rolled his hips in a way that was utterly filthy, and it made Castiels blood curdle. The friction made his dick press harder against his jeans, and when it was gone his hips bucked in search of it again.

"Do that again..." Castiel panted, wrapping his hands around Deans wrists, "Don't stop doing that."

Deans eyebrows arched in surprise, laughing awkwardly and asking, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, damnit." Castiel hissed, "I'm positive."

With a slight smirk etched on his face, Dean rolled his hips against Castiels, getting another moan out of him. "Jesus, Cas," Dean panted, "I take back what I said, you're gonna distract the whole neighborhood from the fireworks if you keep doin' that."

Castiel ignored him, his brain was buzzing so loudly with pleasure and warmth it was difficult to comprehend what Dean was even saying to him. He just knew that he didn't want this to end. The heavy heat was building in his abdomen and his fingers were so tightly wound around the sheets they were turning white. With every drag of the hips, Dean panted hotly on Castiels cool neck and it made him shudder, attempting to hold back every moan that threatend to cross his lips.

It was over almost as quickly as it had started. Suddenly Castiels vision was blurred with white and goosebumps rippled all along his arms, his breath hitched as he felt his underwear and jeans become soiled with his release. Dean was still dragging his hips against Castiels thigh, his breathing becoming more ragged and his teeth cutting into his bottom lip. The lights continued to dance along Deans sweaty back and face until one last thrust when he let out a ragged gasp and his arms trembled.

He fell to the side of Castiel, both of them panting and watching the lights dance on the ceiling. Castiel suddenly felt very tired, and wanted to tangle himself back into Deans warmth and fall asleep on the bed.

"So...uh..." Dean coughed awkwardly into his hand, rolling over onto his side to face Castiel, "was that...what did you think of that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well...uh...did-did you like that?"

Castiel smiled, turning onto his side also, having their noses graze against each other. "Yes. I did. Didn't you?"

"'course I did."

They sat in silence for a moment until the screeching sound of another firework zooming into the air broke it. They both turned their heads to the window beside them to watch it explode into a million pieces of red and blue lights in the sky. Fading away into the darkness until the next one went off.

"Dean." Said Cas.  
"What? What's the matter?"  
"I'm hungry...but mostly sticky."

Dean smiled, sitting up and crawling over Castiel to sift through articles of clothing on the ground. He grabbed two pairs of jeans off the floor and tossed one at Castiels chest. "Wanna go get a burger?"

"Yes, please." Castiel wiggled off his soiled jeans before pulling on Deans clean ones. He leaned off the side of the bed to grab his shirt and tug it on over his head, grinning in spite of himself. Dean started to get dressed as well, tossing his soiled jeans into a hamper on the other side of the room.

"And...Dean?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can...can we do this again? Soon?"

Dean looked over his shoulder at him and beamed, "I don't see why not."


	15. Just Deserts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still, that teasing sort of voice in the back of his mind reminded him of all the sins he had committed, and the rules he had broken. Not only had he done something intimate with someone else, he had shared this moment with another boy. He was lying, he was lusting, he was gay, and he was becoming someone he had promised not to be. But Lord, how he loved every bit of it.

It wasn't until the morning after that Castiel began thinking about the events of the night before. He had woken up earlier than usual, and turned over to go back to sleep, but his mind began to wonder away from counting sheep and instead filled with the thoughts of everything wrong about what he had done. He pictured his old school teacher standing over his bed with a ruler in her hands, smacking it into her palm threateningly, as she glared down at him with her old beady eyes, waiting for him to turn back over to scold him.

He and Dean hadn't exactly had time to chat about it much other than the bit of pillow talk before they got up and rushed to find something to eat, and the catch up with the others before Castiels father got upset that he, Gabriel, and Balthazar hadn't returned yet. When he found his cousin, he commented that there seemed something off about Castiel. There was something new about him that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he soon shrugged it off and then led him and his brother back to the lot were their family was waiting. Samandriel was still swirling sparklers in the night air when they found them.

His conflicting feelings settled in the pit of his stomach, bickering back and forth, causing hot lava-like blood to creep into his veins and unsettle him.

He had enjoyed what he and Dean had done last night, and he certainly did not regret it. But that was what his problem was, that was what scared him. He didn't have any regrets at all. Did that make him no better than the Whore of Babylon? He was supposed to learn from stories of the Bible not repeat them. He could practically feel his knuckles stinging from the wrath of the ruler his teacher wielded in her hands.

But these were his choices. It was his choice to do that. Dean had asked if he had wanted to stop and he told him to keep going. He liked sharing that intimate moment with Dean, and he liked to think that there would be more like it.

Still, that teasing sort of voice in the back of his mind reminded him of all the sins he had committed, and the rules he had broken. Not only had he done something intimate with someone else, he had shared this moment with another boy. He was lying, he was lusting, he was gay, and he was becoming someone he had promised not to be. But  _Lord_ , how he loved every bit of it.

He loved the way Dean's taste was still lingering on his tongue, and how Dean's teeth would graze along his soft skin and his spine crawled with goose bumps. He loved touching Dean. He loved tracing circles along his freckles, and touching his fingertips to his pink, puffy, lips. He loved listening to the way Deans voice got rough and ragged when he was close to his breaking point. Just thinking about the sound of it was making the heat pool inside his belly again, and he had to bite hard onto his pillow and block the memory out of his mind completely in order for that feeling to go away again.

Once it did, he started to think more softly about Dean, as opposed to the rough and arousing way. Thinking about how warm he felt when he was laying next to Castiel in bed, and how when they held hands Deans thumb always tended to run along the top of Castiel's. He thought about how Deans face looked when he was tired, his eyelids would flutter sleepily over his apple-green eyes as they watched Castiel's, as though afraid they were going to miss something if they rested. His smile was always kind and pure, pinching at his cheeks when he laughed, and twinkling his eyes.

As Castiel thought more and more about Dean Winchester his mouth smirked wider and wider until he couldn't contain it anymore, and he shoved his face into his pillow, nuzzling his head against it while sighing blissfully.

He didn't want to admit it, but that teasing voice in the back of his mind said, " _I'm in love with him."_

But Castiel pushed it aside. He didn't think he really loved Dean. He liked him a lot. He'd even admit that he was lusting after him, but he wasn't sure about love. He wasn't even sure what love felt like, or what it was. He thought his parents loved each other, but that didn't turn out to be love. He didn't want to scare Dean away with that either, so he tucked it away into the corners of his mind, along with all the sins and rules that had been drilled into him since preschool.

He was finally happy with himself, and if being this happy was wrong in Gods eyes, then maybe his school was wrong, and his teachers were wrong, and his mother too. Because he couldn't picture God being displeased with Castiels happiness.

Dean was making him happy, and he was making Dean happy. What was so wrong with this? Dean was the one who was helping him open his eyes and truly see the world around him. Castiel was learning more, and realizing the truth about new things. He was comfortable with himself and had come out of his shell from not talking for months to starting conversations and keeping them going. He was still a bit rusty and insecure about new people, but he was definitely better than compared to even a month ago.

He was so glad. So glad that Dean had  _saved_ him.

He heard one of his brothers roll out of bed and shuffle down the hall to the bathroom, that was the last thing he noted before his brain became too drowsy and decided that it needed to rest longer than it had. He fell back into sleep, the thoughts of Dean swirling around him and pumping his body with a comfortable, calming warmth.

XxX

His grounding lasted a few more days than he had expected. He blamed himself for thinking that his father would just let him off the hook after a day without his cellphone, and if he hadn't be expecting to be ungrounded at the snap of his fingers he wouldn't have been so disappointed and bored.

He mostly read his books and lounged around the bedroom and living room. It felt odd to not have contact with Dean or his friends after seeing and talking to them practically every day this summer since he arrived here, but he found a way to manage by keeping his mind distracted, for if he let it wonder it would wonder to Dean, and he didn't want that while he couldn't keep in touch with him.

One day while Castiel was pretending to be bored on the couch in hopes that his father would let him off his grounding early if he saw that his son was miserable, Balthazar came by. He pounded on the door and when Michael answered he asked if Castiel was around.

He couldn't see them, but he could hear them, and when he heard his cousins voice he shifted around in the couch in order to peer around the wall separating them in order to see what was happening.

"Castiel can't hang out with you," Michael minded, "he's grounded."

"Oh, lay off, Mike," said Balthazar, "can't I just talk with-"

"Balthazar!" Gabriel came whirling down the stairs, shoving Michael out of the way in order to hog the doorway. Their older brother rolled his eyes at him before shoving him back and shuffling away. Gabriel pretended as though Michael had done nothing at all. "Balthazar, how kind of you to visit me!"

"I was actually--"

"Are we going to go walk around town?" Gabriel cut him off, giving his younger brother a sneaky glare as if he knew why Balthazar had actually turned up, and he was rubbing it in his face that he was getting to get out of the house while Castiel had to sit around and mope.

"Actually I--" it was obvious that Balthazar's intent was having Castiel come along with them, but Gabriels babbling was making it difficult for him to get a word in. "--can't Cassie come along? or is he grounded from family too?"

Chuck appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the wall on his shoulder and his glasses perched on the end of his nose. "You and Gabriel can go, Balthazar. Castiel can sit here for a little while, you two go have fun."

Castiel pouted, his true frustration finally breaking through as he slumped against the couch and glared at the television screen playing an animated movie that Samandriel was watching. He knew that Balthazar most likely wanted him to come along because Dean had asked him to come get him so they could see each other with his father being non-the-wiser, but this plan of theirs was foiled.

He heard Balthazars suppressed sigh, and Gabriel pulling on his tennis shoes to go outside. The two then bid goodbye to everyone, but Castiel didn't turn to say goodbye back. He heard the click of the door, and their soft murmurs of talking as they walked away, until they were too far away for him to make out the sounds of their voices anymore.

When Gabriel came home his hair and shorts were damp with water, and Castiel asked where he had gone. Gabriel then began to spin a tale about how he and Balthazar met up with Dean and Sam at the lake they had went to back in June. Dean had apparently been expecting Castiel, and was quite moody towards Gabriel. Sam was happy to see him however.

"-and that's all that I care about," Gabriel had said taking off his shorts to exchange them with dry ones, "Sammich is one lonely kid. You know that? He was goin' on about how glad he was that I was hanging out with him instead of him  _and_ Dean like you always do. It made him feel special I think. We got ice cream after too. You know Sam likes butter pecan? I thought only old people liked that crap." Gabriel flashed him a grin over his shoulder, whipping his wet locks off his forehead, "It was fun. You shoulda been there, Asstiel."

Castiel threw a pillow at his head, but missed. When Gabriel started laughing at him, he stormed out of the room to join Samandriel and Anna in a game of Monopoly on the coffee table.

Castiel got stuck with being the shoe since he joined late into their game.

"Having fun being grounded, brother?" Anna asked as she paid him $200 in play money.

"Absolutely not," he huffed, placing his cash in a neat stack beside him in a little corner of his own, "I can't do anything, and Gabriel got to go out with Balthazar, Sam, and Dean today. I had to sit home and watch Pinocchio with Samandriel for the twentieth time."

"You said you didn't mind!" Whined Samandriel, freezing his hand in the air for a moment as he was in the middle of tossing the dice. "You like Pinocchio!"

"Yes," Castiel agreed, "but for being the only movie we've watched since we've gotten here, I've grown quite sick of it."

"Well, I still like it. It's my favorite."

"At least you're getting a taste of how Gabe and Luce feel practically fifty percent of the time." Said Anna, moving her piece and landing on a chance card. She got the get out of jail free card and Samandriel made a noise of annoyance that she had gotten it instead of him.

"What do you mean?" Asked Castiel, taking the dye from his sister.

Anna casted her gaze to Samandriel before answering, not wanting to share her thoughts in front of the youngest. Wanting to spare his feelings she said to him, "Hey, Sam, how about you make us some popcorn in the microwave? Wouldn't that be a good snack?"

"All by myself?" His eyes went wide.

"Yeah! You're eight now. I think you can handle it. Just press the popcorn button and when it'll beep when it's done. It's simple, Samandriel. If Lucifer can do it, you can do it."

Samandriel giggled, leaping to his feet and saying, "Okay! I'll be right back! And no cheating! I know where I left my piece!"

They watched him scamper away, his socks muffling his footsteps as he took off to the kitchen. They could hear him shuffling around and looking for the box of popcorn. Anna leaned over to finally answer Castiel's question.

"When they're not grounded they're off getting in trouble. Mom always gave them the worst punishments too. She'd take us out for ice cream, and she wouldn't let them have any. Practically rubbed it in their faces."

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows in thought, digging in his brain for the memory. He vividly remembered sitting in the car with Anna and Samandriel and their mother, licking his Coldstone ice cream cone. He remembered coming home and thinking nothing of it while Gabriel gave him cold glares from across the hall in his bedroom. His heart sank at the memory. He was eating one of his brothers favorite treats in front of his face, practically taunting it, and he hadn't even done it on purpose. No wonder Gabriel had been acting so snotty to him before, he was getting his own little dose of just desserts.

"I didn't even realize…" he mumbled.

"I didn't either." She admitted, grabbing Samandriels thimble and moving it back three spaces so her and Castiel were ahead of him. She then moved her own piece so she wouldn't have to pay a fee for landing on Samandriels hotel on Central Avenue. "Not until after. After she left I realized a lot of things like that. She was terrible to them, wasn't she?"

"Yeah." He said, feeling odd that he was having this conversation with Anna. They had hardly talked about their mother like this. He mostly shared his feelings with Gabriel and no one else. It was as though he had forgotten that he was Anna's mother as well. He had been so caught up with struggling on his own and getting by with only his brother to talk to, he seemed to have forgotten that. He kicked himself for that. "I feel terrible now."

"Oh, don't be. It wasn't your fault. It was Mom. She was pretty sick in the head to treat them that way, I mean, don't you remember how she talked down to them? Like they weren't even her kids? Remember that one time when she practically starved Gabriel because she said he was getting too fat? I mean, sure, there were times when they deserved to get grounded and punished, but no one deserves being treated like they did."

"…Yeah…" Castiel said hollowly, feeling his stomach sink to the bottom of his feet. He had kept his mother on such a high pedestal. He was like her little dog. Loyal and always defending her. He hadn't even given a second thought to those memories he had buried deep into his brain. He knew that his brothers hadn't been treated fairly by her, but he didn't give any thoughts to those images of Gabriel glaring at him across the hall while he ate Coldstone, or of Lucifer looking so small, as she yelled at him for getting half credit on an assignment because he had turned it in late. He didn't even mention that it was because he didn't finish it because he was up all night trying to help Samandriel get through the night without a night terror. Or of when Gabriel was so skinny. He was a sophomore in high school, and he didn't fit into any of his clothes. He remembered seeing Anna tip toeing up the steps to Gabriels room to sneak him food so he would eat. Somehow he had lost all these memories because the love for his mother blinded him. He hated himself for that.

He hardly noticed that Samandriel had returned with a bowl of slightly-burnt popcorn. He set it on the side of the coffee table, scooping a handful into his hand and then piling it into his mouth. "Did you guys movth my peicth?" he asked thickly.

"No." Anna and Castiel replied innocently.

Samandriel eyed them suspiciously, but didn't question them anymore.

They played out their game until Anna won, and Samandriel accused her of cheating. She wouldn't admit to it, and their night ended with their little brother exclaiming that he hated Monopoly anyway, and would rather play with Michael because he didn't cheat.

After he stormed out the living room, Anna turned to Castiel with a smug grin, holding up the little red and green houses she had swiped off of Samandriels places when he wasn't looking. "And everyone thinks that you and I are the innocent ones. Look at us now."

She snorted a laugh at herself before tossing the pieces back into the box and cleaning up the rest of the game with her brother.

XxX

"Now, Castiel," Chuck said to him sternly, "I know how patient and understanding you've been through this whole grounding, and there were times when I wanted to let you off early, but you have to understand that I did this to teach you a lesson. All right?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes flicking to his father's face and then darting back to his cellphone that was waving inches away from his reach. He eyed it greedily, pretending to listen to his father's lecture but really was only interested in when was the next possible minute he would be able to see Dean. His mind was racing excitedly at the thought.

It would have been a week tomorrow that Castiel had gone without seeing Dean, and it was eating at him like a tiny bug slowly picking him off piece by piece. The crippling thought of losing a week of summer with Dean was another jolt to his heart. Gabriel hadn't been afraid to announce his popularity with Sam Winchester, and how much fun he and their cousin, and Dean were having all week. Every time Balthazar had come knocking, another stab went into Castiels gut.

He tried to run and answer the door first a few times Balthazar came around, but Gabriel always seemed to somehow beat him to it. He was always one step ahead of him.

"You're a good boy, Castiel," his father continued softly, his eyes gentle and flashing with a hint of understanding, "and I know you want to have fun with your new friends, but you have to know the rules, and your limits. I think you're smart enough to realize that. Right?"

"Right."

"Let's not have this happen again. Okay?"

"Okay."

Chuck smiled softly, handing his son his cellphone back and tousling his hair fondly. "Go have fun, champ. I bet your friends have missed you. I know you probably weren't feeling all that great having Gabriel go out with them all the time without you."

"You have no idea," he deadpanned, though he couldn't contain his smile from feeling that familiar weight back in his hands. "Thanks, Dad." He added, before spinning on his heel and running off up the stairs to find some private place to talk to Dean. He didn't want to just message him, he was far too happy to just simply do that. He wanted to call him, and he didn't want any of his many family members to hear them.

Luckily, no one was in his bedroom. He shut the door and locked it with the switch on the handle, flopping on his bed on his stomach and opening his phone, tapping his thumbs along the screen to get to Deans contacts and call him.

He held the phone up to his ear, chewing on his fingernails as the ring echoed through his ears, and with every ring his smile grew wider. The silence in between them made his heart pause with the momentary thought that Dean had picked up, only to quicken back up again when the ring sounded.

Finally;

"Cas?"

"Dean! Hello, Dean! It's so great to hear your voice!"

"Cas! Oh, boy, you're actually ungrounded now? Jeesh. I was starting to think I was going to have to come over there and break you out. Damn, man, I actually missed you."

"I missed you too." He said quietly, grinning so hard it hurt, and gazing shyly down at the pattern on his blanket.

"Do you even know how many of my nerves that brother of yours has been on the past few days? All of them!" Dean suddenly exclaimed, making Castiel chuckle. "That son of a bitch never shuts up! Sammy thinks hes great an' all 'cause he's givin' him more attention, but everything that comes out of his mouth, Cas-I just wanna ring his neck."

"That makes two of us." Joked Castiel.

"It feels like I haven't seen you in months, dude."

"When can I see you?"

"Well-uh-any time I guess. I'm not really doin'-"

"Now."  
"What?"  
"Now. Dean, I want to see you now."

"Okay, you want me to swing by? Where are we gonna go?"

"Can I hang out at your house?"

"Seems like a plan," he could practically hear Dean grinning over the phone, "maybe I'll find a way to kick Sammy out tonight. I'll be right over."

"Okay, goodbye, Dean."  
"Bye, Cas."

He waited to hear the click of Dean ending the call before clicking end himself, letting his phone fall out of his hand and then burring his face in is palms with glee, attempting to suppress the pinching smile spreading across his face.

"So, you're ungrounded now?"

Castiel whipped his head over his shoulder to see Gabriel leaning against the doorway, giving him a suspicious and somewhat envious glare. He was most likely disappointed that he wouldn't be able to have his fun anymore.

"How did you-" Castiel began, remembering that he had made sure to lock the door before making his phone call.

Gabriel silenced him by holding up a bent bobby pin held between two of his fingers. "Heard you say my name to someone on the phone, and the door was locked. I stole this from Anna and jimmied open the lock. Honestly, bro, you think that something as simple as a bedroom lock can keep me out? Bitch,  _please_."

Castiel frowned at him, angry that he had eavesdropped, but also worried about how much he had heard. He hadn't really said anything that would have counted as romantic behavior to Dean, except if Gabriel had heard them talking about how much they had missed each other. Then he may be in trouble with his dear older brother.

"Why can't you mind your own business for once?" Castiel huffed, turning away so he wouldn't have to meet Gabriels gaze. "I don't butt in on your conversations."

Gabriel ignored his comment, plopping onto his own bed and bouncing slightly on the mattress as he did so. He toyed with the bobby pin in his fingers, leaning back on his other hand as his short legs made his toes barley scratch the floor. He looked bored, but Castiel knew that this was just a cover up for him actually feeling irritated.

"You sure you don't have a thing for Deano?" he asked.

"Wh-what?" Castiel stuttered, trying to act surprised. "I already told you-"

"Yeah, I know you already told me you two are," he raised his hands to make air quotes, and rolled his eyes as he did so, "'just friends', but I'm calling bullshit, Cas. I've already told  _you_  that you're a shit liar, so cut the crap and come out with it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Castiel, god dammit!" Gabriel got to his feet, his eyes blazing gold in the sunlight that shown in through the window, "You're the one who's always whining about keeping secrets from each other! You must think I'm really stupid, huh? You think I don't notice how you and him are sneaking off all the time? When you call each other on the phone you're always blushing and giggling! It's practically nauseating. And the way he looks at you...it's..." his rant became lost in the air, drifting away the longer he remained silent while thinking of a way to continue it. His gaze softened and turned slightly sullen as he looked to his feet for a moment. When he returned it back to his brother, his voice was gentler, but firm. "Listen, squirt, if you tell me you're not dating this guy, I'll believe you. I won't bother you anymore about it. So...are you?"

Castiel stared hard at Gabriel, trying not to let his face give away his thoughts and emotions. He contemplated back and forth in his mind whether or not he should tell him the truth. Maybe he already knew the truth, maybe Balthazar had let it slip one day while they were hanging out without Castiel. He didn't think that his cousin would do that though, he had promised to keep the secret. He wanted to tell his brother, but at the same time he didn't. It was the reaction that he was afraid of.

Gabriel took a huge breath and added before repeating his question, "If...you are dating Dean...I don't think it would be a very wise idea for you to be doing so. You've got a lot of heart, Castiel. You get attached. And when we go back to Illinois...Deans gonna promise you that he'll stay faithful to you and all that bologna, and maybe he will for a while. But he's going to find someone else. He's going to forget about you, squirt. And it's going to break your heart, and I'm not going to be able to live with myself if I see you like that. I don't want you to fall in love with someone like that. It's not going to work."

Castiel swallowed around the lump in his throat, throwing his gaze to the head of his bed, concentrating on the small dent in the wall. This was why he didn't want to tell Gabriel. He could trust his brother with anything else except this. If he told him about him and Dean he would be constantly reminding Castiel of their short time together, and how it wouldn't work out. He didn't want to think about that. He already knew that, and he didn't need someone else to remind him of it. He wanted to focus on the present, and the memories in the making he was having with Dean. He didn't want to think about the destined future.

Gabriel asked him again. "Are you dating Dean?"

"No." Castiel deadpanned.

The silence that filled the room was loud enough to capture the attention of everyone in a fifty mile radius. Castiel held his gaze and didn't let any emotions cross his expression, and neither did Gabriel.

After minutes of glaring, and the heavy silence filling their ears, Gabriel finally said in his quietest voice, "Okay." and got up to leave. His footsteps echoing down the hall, and walked into Michael and Lucifers room, where the door slammed shut behind him.

Muffled voices could be heard talking through the walls. Castiel could identify them as Lucifer and Gabriel.

With a heavy sigh, Castiel attempted to breath out all the rattled nerves that were pinching at his insides. An acidy-icky feeling bundled up in his stomach, and tasted like bile in the back of his throat. The teasing voice in the back of his mind warned him that all these lies were going to come back and bite him in the ass one day, but Castiel swatted the voice away yet again, tucking the thought away in the back of his mind with all the others.

He fell back against the covers and pillows of his bed, pressing his palms against his eyelids so hard he was seeing white and red spots appear in the darkness. His nerves were still restless, as was his mind, and he tried to empty it. He tried to think of nothing at all in order to calm himself down. He didn't want to be irritable when he and Dean saw each other for the first time in a week.

This practice seemed to work for him apparently. It worked so well in fact that he seemed to have had dozed off into a cat nap until the ringtone on his cellphone startled him awake. He groggily felt around for his phone, his eyes still blurry, and his hand flailing hopelessly around in his bed towards the location of the noise.

He finally found it, holding it up to his ear and answering sleepily, "Hello?"

"Hey to you too, sunshine," said Deans cheery voice, "you asleep?"

"I was," he groaned, sitting up in his bed and rubbing the ankle of his palm against his eye, "are you already here?"

"Waitin' outside for you, angel." He cooed. Castiel could detect a faint beat of a Led Zeppelin song playing in the background.

"I'll be right out." Cas yawned, "just give me a minute."

"All right. Don't take too long though."

"I won't," He smirked, "Goodbye, Dean."

The line clicked and as soon as it did Castiel climbed out of bed and headed downstairs to find his father. He was playing a board game with Samandriel on the coffee table.

"Dad, I'm going to go hang out with Dean." Castiel told him, tossing the millions of pairs of shoes around in the foyer in search of his own.

"Oh," Chuck replied, seeming unsure, "all right, son. Don't stay out too late, and let me know when you're on your way home."

"I will." Castiel promised, clasping his hand over his phone in his pocket to make sure that it was there.

He finally found his tennis shoes and pulled them on, covering his socks. He quickly tied them and swung open the door, taking a step outside but leaning back in to bid goodbye to his father.

"Goodbye, Castiel." Chuck called back.

"Say hi to Dean for me!" cried Samandriel, "And ask when Adam can come over!"

"I will, Samandriel!"

Castiel shut the door behind him, the sun greeting him with warmth on his face and the Impala greeting him with sending a hard thump in his heart by showing the occupant in the drivers seat. Castiels feet picked up their pace down the driveway, crossing the front of the car and opening the passenger side door. He slid inside and sat on the plush leather, Deans scent filling his nose and his heart.

He turned to greet the driver, but Dean had beat him to it. His calloused hands greeted Castiel by combing through his hair, and grabbing his wrist. Deans mouth greeted him by pressing it against Castiels.

Castiel kissed him back, pressing his soft fingers against Deans cheek that was now sporting some new scratchy stubble.

Castiel had them part when he realized that they were still sitting in the road right in front of his house.

"Let's save that for later," he panted, "when we're not in eye-view of my family."

Dean laughed, running his hand once more through Castiels hair, and Castiel leaning against his touch. "I missed you, buddy." His hand fell down his face, caressing his cheek, and Castiel caught it, holding it in place on his face.

"I missed you too, Dean. Being grounded is horrible. How can anyone handle doing that more than once?"

Dean smirked, pulling his hand out of Castiels in order to shift the car into drive and then place it on the wheel. "You get used to it after a while. Then you learn about bein' sneaky. Takes years of practice."

"I don't have that long."

"Well, in your case, Cas, you just have to stay outta trouble. We're not losing precious time like that again. When are you leaving again?"

"August seventeenth. A few days before my birthday."

"Damn." Dean mumbled. "Before your birthday? Damn."

"You guys start school sooner than we do," Castiel added, "and Micheal and Lucifer start college a week before we do."

"Still..." said Dean, "I wish you were gonna be here for your birthday at least."

"Why?" Castiel tilted his head, puzzled, "Were you planning on throwing me a party?"

"What?" Dean sputtered, "I mean--no--no why would I--? I wasn't--uh...never-never mind. Let's talk about somethin' else. I don't wanna think about you leaving just yet. What do you wanna do at my house?"

Castiel rolled his shoulders, slumping back against the seat. "What is there to do?"

"Well," Dean chuckled to himself, "I've got a few things in mind. But we can do whatever your little heart desires, Cas. Whats on your mind?"

Castiel hadn't really thought up of doing anything once at Deans house. He supposed if Dean had successfully kicked Sam out of the house they would actually be alone and be able to kiss and touch and do things that made them feel good, but then he realized that there was one certain thing he wanted to do with Dean.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"T-talk?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows at the road ahead of him, "You wanna talk?"

"I haven't seen you in nearly a week, Dean. We have some catching up to do."

"Well, uh...sure. We can talk I guess. If that's what you wanna do. What do you wanna talk about?"

"What we did on the fourth of July."


	16. Faith in Han Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean looked over his shoulder at him, sporting a wicked smile and cocking an eyebrow. "I never woulda pegged you as the 'always horny' type, Castiel Shurley. You wanna watch Star Wars or what?"

The Impala nearly swerved off the road.

Dean sputtered out nonsense words that seemed to be a combination of his favorite curse words. Once the Impala was driving steady on the road again, and Castiels fingers relaxed around the door handle, Dean let out an awkward breathy laugh.

"T-talk?" He stammered, his words now coming out rushed and faster than his mouth could form them, "Talk about-talk about that? What is there to talk about-we already talked about it there's nothin' to talk about."

"Dean," said Castiel hardly, "what we did was extremely intimate."

"Yeah, so?" he gulped hardly, his eyes darting around like ping pong balls in his skull, looking as though he wished he could get out and away from this conversation, but was unfortunately trapped. "We talked!" his voice squeaked slightly, "I liked it, you liked it, what else is there to talk about?"

"Well..." Castiel began, not taking his gaze off of Dean, "What did it mean to you?"

Dean made a choking noise, like the words had gotten caught in his throat, " _Mean_  to me?"

"Yes." Castiel deadpanned.

"C'mon, Cas!" Dean practically whined, "Don't make me do this!"

"Would it make you feel better if I went first?"

"It would make me feel better if we just dropped the subject."

"Well, I'm not doing that," spat Castiel, his eyebrows creasing dangerously low over his eyes in an angry squint. He hadn't expected Dean to react with an eager attitude and be as open to the conversation as Castiel was, but this was ridiculous. "I thought I meant something to you."

"Cas, God-"Dean growled under his breath, pinching the steering wheel in his grasp and grinding his teeth.

He remembered that Balthazar had told him something about how Dean had trouble expressing things like this, but Castiel felt that this was something they needed to do. It was something that would make him feel better about committing a sin if he knew that Dean honestly cared about him the same way he did.

"Fine-fine!" He finally caved, his ears turning slightly pink as he tossed a hand in the air to bat away their past bickering, "you go first though."

"All right." Replied Castiel, his tone turning hard and frustrated, "This was my first time sharing anything along the lines of sexual intimacy with anyone, and it's very special to me.  _You're_  very special to me, Dean. Although it was not technically sex, and I am still a virgin...it still...means a lot to me. No one has made me feel that way before...or...touched me like that..." he was now staring down shyly at his hands that were twisting the end of his shirt in bunches nervously, worrying on his lip as he paused between words. Heat crawled up his neck and tingled his ears, "I really like you, Dean. And I don't want our relationship to be strictly about sex...I want to be...I want to be your-your-" he sucked in a deep breath, saying the word out loud felt funnier on his tongue than when he had said 'I'm gay' aloud, " _boyfriend_...I just want to know if you-if you felt like that..."

The car was silent for longer than just a few moments. They only had SuperTramp to fill the quiet, but even the music wasn't loud enough.

The Impala was rolling over the railroad tracks now, and Deans hand placed itself over Castiels, stopping him from wrinkling the fabric. When Castiel looked up, Dean was still keeping his eyes on the road, and the other hand firmly on the wheel.

"Of course I do, Cas." He said firmly, the words flowing through Castiels ears and sending sparks of warmth to his heart. "You know I-I'm not really good at this kinda junk...but...I'm gonna...You're really special to me too, Cas. And I'm really glad that I got to meet you. I want to be your boyfriend too." He glanced away from the road to flash Castiel a smile that exploded sparklers in his brain. Deans thumb smoothed over his knuckles comfortingly, as a way to apologize for reacting the way he had.

"Thank you," said Castiel, shooting a smile back, "was that really  _that_  hard?"

" _Eh_ ," Dean pulled his hand away in order to turn into the Winchesters driveway, "I guess it coulda been worse. You were gettin' a bit mushy there, thought I was almost gonna vomit from how cute you were looking. Your face was all pink." He teased, one side of his mouth jerking upwards on his cheek.

"Oh, shut up," said Castiel, "you're pretty cute too, when you blush I can see the freckles on your ears."

Deans eyes grew wide, pausing momentarily from unbuckling his seat belt to clamp his palms over his ears and say, "They do-you-no you can't! I don't have freckles on my ears!"

"You so sure about that?" said Castiel, casting him a mischievous glance before climbing out of the car. When he didn't see Dean getting out of the drivers side, he bent back to down to see him looking at his ears in the rear view mirror. Castiel laughed, tapping on the glass to get him to come out already.

Disgruntled, Dean climbed out of the car also and shuffled to Castiels side, leading him up from the driveway and opening the gate in the chain-link fence. As they drew closer to the front porch, Bones could be heard barking at them from inside. When Dean opened the door the dogs tail wagged harder and he let out a yippish whine, brushing his head against Castiels fingers as he passed by to get inside, begging to be petted.

Castiel was happy to oblige. He scratched behind Bones' ears, and felt him lean against his hand for more once he tried to draw away. Castiel probably would have stood there petting Bones for an hour if it weren't for Dean. He grabbed a hold of Castiels wrist and pulled him into the empty living room. The house was as quiet as it was when it was the fourth of July.

"Where's Sam?" Castiel asked.

"Sent him off to a friends house for the night. The kid needs to get out more, lemme tell ya." Dean flopped onto the couch, pulling Castiel down with him, letting him lay on top of him. Castiel was surprised from the motion, but he quite enjoyed having this view of Dean.

"So we're alone?"

"Yep." Dean grinned, running his hands up and down Castiels sides, "Told ya I'd get us alone together."

"For how long?"

"Not long enough." Dean drew up to press a kiss to Castiels lips before adding, "My dad doesn't get off work until late. So you can stay however long you'd like, angel."

" _Ugh_ ," Castiel wrinkled his nose, "don't call me that, please. That's what Benny calls me."

Dean laughed, drawing up a hand to run it through Castiels hair, asking him, "I think it suits you. Do you not like being called angel?"

"You can call me whatever you like," said Castiel, "nicknames are not a problem with me. I only have the condition that you do not call me anything my brothers call me, or that Benny calls me. I don't want to be reminded of them when I'm trying to kiss you."

Dean laughed again, softer this time. "I'll just stick with Cas then."

"I am quite fond that one. What about you? Can I give you a nickname? What about Bean?" He teased.

"No way, dude."

"Oh, come on," he smirked, his fingers playing with the necklace hanging down Deans chest, "it's cute."

Dean shook his head, "I can't call you anything your brothers call you, you can't call me anything  _my_  brothers call me. This goes both ways, buddy."

" _Hmp_ ," Castiel pretended to pout, twisting the necklace on his thumb and watching the pendant swing around every time it unraveled itself. "Well...Dean suits you better, I think. I prefer your name over any silly nickname."

"Oh, gee, Cas, you make me blush when you say stuff like that."

Castiel giggled, leaning down to kiss Dean again. The grip of Deans fingers in his hair tightened, and his own hand bundled itself into a fist around Deans shirt, the pendant now pressing against his palm. Castiel thought that he may never get used to the feeling of Deans tongue flicking inside his own mouth. It sent sparks shooting down his spine to his toes, and his heart jolted with surprise and coursed warmth through his veins every time.

The fingers on Deans other hand pinched and tightened at Castiels side, his fingers flexing every time a small groan managed to escape and vibrate against Castiels mouth.

Castiel was just feeling the first bubbles of that familiar feeling growing in his abdomen when he thought he smelt something along the lines of Annas retainers. He parted from the kiss with the intention of calling Dean out and telling him that the least he could do was excuse himself, but Dean seemed to had beat him to the punch.

"Dude, what did you eat today?"

"It wasn't me!" exclaimed Castiel, "I thought it was-"

A tiny whine caught their attention, and they both snapped their heads to the side to see Bones sitting rather obediently not too far away from them. His pink tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, and panting heavily in their faces.

"Damn dog," mumbled Dean, "go on, Bones! Go on! Get outta here!" He attempted to shoo the dog away with a few waves of his hand, but all Bones did was lay down on the rug and place his head in his paws. His brown eyes looked sweetly up at them, possibly in hopes of getting some more attention from Castiel. Dean groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Whats the matter?" Asked Castiel, "He's not doing anything wrong. At least he's not breathing in our faces anymore."

"Yeah, I know, but--" Dean gave a sideways glance down at Bones, wincing slightly, "He's just... _watching_  us."

"He's not watching us, Dean." Castiel couldn't help but let a chuckle slip past his mouth, "He's a dog, he doesn't even know what we're doing."

" _Still,"_ Dean insisted, "it's friggen creepy. I feel like we're bein' watched by some pervert or something."

"Dean. It's a dog."  
"He's making me uncomfortable! Lookat him!"

Castiel turned to see Bones still eyeballing them with his soft brown eyes. When Castiel turned his face back to glance at the dog, Bones' tail flopped back and forth from the acknowledgement, as though he knew they were talking about him.

"I can't do this." Dean held up his hands in defeat, gently pushing Cas off of his lap and standing up. Bones leapt to his paws also, his ears now perked and his tail beating the air happily.

"Are you serious, Dean Winchester?" Castiel huffed, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead. The heat in the pit of his belly was dying out quickly, and he wanted to keep holding onto that feeling to pick up were he and Dean left off.

Dean ignored him, bee-lining for the bookcase next to the television that was stacked with multi-colored movie cases. "You wanna watch a movie?"

" _Dean_!"

"What?"

"Can't we just...go to your bedroom or something?" Castiel offered hopefully, now sitting on his knees on the couch cushions.

"Sorry, man," said Dean, waving a DVD case in his hand, "but that was a bit of a mood killer."

" _Ugh_." Castiel groaned helplessly, falling onto his back and plopping on the couch with his arm dangling over the edge. Bones pressed his cold wet nose against Castiels palm.

Dean looked over his shoulder at him, sporting a wicked smile and cocking an eyebrow. "I never woulda pegged you as the 'always horny' type, Castiel Shurley. You wanna watch Star Wars or what?"

"I am not." Castiel stuck his tongue out at him, frowning. "And no I don't. I want to kiss you."

"Geez, you sure are grumpy when you're horny." Dean teased.

Castiel snapped a glare at him, blush rising to his cheeks. "Will you stop that."

"Sorry," he replied, giving him a somewhat apologetic, sweet, smirk as he put the movie into the DVD player. He then swiped a remote from off the coffee table and swatted at Castiels legs for him to move in order for him to have a place on the couch as well. Castiel lifted them out of the way, but grumpily. "Aw, are you really gonna be like that?" Dean placed his hand on top of Castiels knee, squeezing it lightly with the tips of his fingers to get his attention.

"Yes." Castiel made sure to hiss out the 's'. "I thought we were going to have fun."

"What are you talkin' about? This isn't fun? Dude, Star Wars is awesome."

"I haven't been able to touch you and kiss you in nearly a week, Dean. This is not what I had in mind." He admitted. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Deans face turning crestfallen, mixed with a slight twinge of guilt. He tried to pretend not to care.

"Will you c'mere?" Dean scratched at the air with his pointer finger, signaling that he wanted Castiel to be on his side of the couch instead of the other end. Castiel obliged, but grumpily.

He nestled into Deans side, resting his head on his chest. "I'm sorry," Dean said softly, twirling absent minded circles into Castiels shoulder with his finger, "why don't you try to convince me again?"

Castiel picked up his head, his eyes narrowing, "What do you...Oh!" Castiel smirked to himself upon realizing Deans intentions. "You sure? Bones could be watching us." he teased.

"Hang on!" Dean jumped up off the couch, making the side of Castiels body that had been cuddled against him feel suddenly cold and abandoned. He whistled for Bones and the dog perked up again, trotting along Deans side. Dean lead him outside and shut the door after him, hurrying back to the couch and almost landing on Castiel.

"Why didn't you just do that in the first place?"

"I really wanted to watch Star Wars," Dean admitted, smirking, and making Castiel laugh, "besides, I didn't think you'd be so into it. Guess there's lotsa things I don't know about you, Cas."

Castiel couldn't wait a second longer, he wrapped an arm around Deans neck and pulled him down for a kiss, feeling the warmth trickle through his body once more, and the butterflies flutter against his gut. He smiled against the kiss, muttering under his breath when they parted, "We can watch it later..."

Dean didn't reply to him, too distracted by Castiels collar bone. He buried his nose against his neck, pressing his tongue flat against the part of skin in between Castiels neck and shoulder, sending delicious chills down Castiels spine. Dean pressed his lips against the skin, as though he were going to kiss it, but instead began sucking and biting lightly on it. He tucked his hands under Castiels shirt, moving his rough palms up his stomach and gingerly touching his sides.

Castiel was taking sharp intakes of breath, his fingers twitching every time Deans teeth grazed against his skin. He could feel the bubbling warmth forming in his stomach, and he bit hard on his lip to keep a moan from escaping.

When Dean picked his head back up, his lips were red, a giddy smirk plastered on his face, and Castiel now sported a deep mark mark on his collar bone.

Castiel attempted to admire it for a moment, before turning to Dean and asking, "Can I give you one?"

"Go for it, babe." Dean grinned, leaning back against the couch and yanking down his shirt, offering himself up for Castiel.

Cas attempted to make a mark in the same spot as his, and he assumed that he was doing it correctly from the way Deans breathing had changed to short and sharp like his had. When he sat back up to see how he had done, a new purple mark, wet with Castiels spit, was staring back at him.

"How does it look, huh?" Dean breathed.

"Like mine." Said Castiel, grinning from his successful attempt. Dean laughed at him, and soon smothered him into another kiss.

They became lost in one another just like they had gotten lost in each other on the Fourth of July. This time seemed to go by slower though. Maybe it was because they thought they had more time together, and had no need to rush things, or maybe it was because they were comfortable enough with each others bodies after the first time, that the second time they were able to enjoy it more. Whatever the reason was, Deans kisses were slower and more passionate than Castiel had ever experienced, and he was savoring every moment of it. Taking the time to render the feeling of running his hands up and down Deans bare back, and how Deans thumbs felt pressing against his hips.

Deans hand slipped and grazed his fingertips along the zipper of Castiels shorts, until his hand was cupping the bulge that was pressing against it. Castiels mouth went dry and he looked up into Deans eyes that seemed to flash with a glint of adrenaline. His ears turned bright pink, showing all the hidden freckles that dotted along the side of his head.

"Don--Don't lookat me like that..." He panted, "you look so innocent...I...I didn't mean to, Cas--I mean--I won't do anything you don't want me to do, you know that."

"It's fine, Dean." Castiel shushed his babbling, "It's okay."

"Well-I just-"

"No, Dean," he pressed, "it's  _okay_. I want to."

"You-you want to?" Deans eyebrows arched up his forehead, "You want to-want to what?"

"I want to go farther than we had last time," Castiel said in one breath, feeling his own ears starting to blush, "I want you to touch me."

"Cas, are you sure?"

"Yes," he wet his lips, also trailing his hand down towards Deans jeans, "I am sure, Dean."

Dean sucked in a breath, though Castiel wasn't quite sure why he would be the nervous one. Dean was the one with experience. "You can tell me to stop anytime, Cas." he reminded him, "You know that, right?"

"Dean," Castiel was getting frustrated now, "stop worrying about me."

"Sorry, sorry." Dean swallowed before shutting up completely.

His fingers brushed a trail up from their previous spot to the button and zipper of Castiels shorts, with the sound of a snap they were undone and being pushed down his thighs and over his feet until they were gone. With a shaky breath, Castiels hands did the same to Deans blue jeans. Deans underpants even looked cooler than his, Cas thought, as he caught his first glimpse of the black boxer briefs compared to his plain white boxers. But he didn't dwell much on it, for Dean soon made his mind go completely blank by slowly placing his fingers under the waist band and-

" _Oh_ ,  _God,_ " Castiel gasped, his eyes locked on the ceiling as he felt a hand-that for once wasn't his own-stroke his aching member. He could even tell that Dean knew what he was doing from the way that it seemed as though he knew actually what and where to touch just to make Castiel squirm in a certain way. It seemed as though Dean had gotten annoyed with Castiels underwear being in the way, and he pushed them down to his knees. Castiel was too busy feeling pleasure and warmth to feel exposed.

His hips were rocking into Deans touch, begging for more until the white blurred his vision like it had before, and took it all away.

Deans gentle touch guided him through the orgasm, letting Castiels nails pinch into his triceps until he finally relaxed against the couch cushions. He didn't allow himself to fall into a too deep dream-like state though, because Dean was still hard and it was his turn. Castiel wanted to make him feel like he had made Castiel feel, though he wasn't sure if he would be able to given Dean had far more experience than Cas had. Castiel was able to pleasure himself, but he didn't know if he would be able to do it to another guy. Even though, he still wanted to try. There had to be a first time for everything, and Dean knew that Castiel was new at this.

Castiel was more excited about touching Dean to worry much about that.

He trailed his fingers up Deans freckled thighs and to the waistband of his boxer-briefs, were he didn't hesitate to jerk them down to pool around Deans knees. What he had hesitated at was actually touching Dean.

He had never seen another man's penis before-besides his brothers when they were all younger and tended to run around without any clothes on around the house, but that was irrelevant. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears, and his tongue wet his lips out of a nervous habit. He hesitated for so long, Dean said,

"Cas, are you okay? You don't have to do this. Not if you don't want to. I'm perfectly okay with it--"

"No," Castiel cut him off, "I'm fine." and to prove it he finally wrapped a hand around Deans erection and began pumping it like he would if it was his own. Deans eyes squeezed shut, and he growled a curse under his breath which Castiel took as a sign of doing the right thing.

Dean bucked his hips into his hand, muttering for Castiel to make his fist tighter and to touch a certain spot every once in a while when he was able to form words that weren't God's name or a swear.

"No, no, make your hand tighter," he gasped, his voice sounding wrecked and one of his hands clenched the top of the couch cushion while the other sat above Castiels head on the arm, "Yeah-yeah--" he gasped, before cutting himself off, becoming lost to the ecstasy Castiel was giving him by simply by moving his his hand back and forth, and listening to what Dean would tell him.

The house was filled with all the wonderful noises Dean was making now, along with the sound of the opening menu of the Star Wars DVD, but that was far off in another world were Castiel couldn't hear it. He was too caught up in Dean. Focused on getting Dean to his climax. Focused on feeling Dean, and touching him. Focused on listening to the sounds he made, and watched the expressions that contorted on his face that could practically be the definition of lust.

_Lord help me_ , he thought, just before Dean suddenly jerked his hips and let out a rough sigh, emptying his release all over Castiels stomach,  _I'm falling in love with him._

"Shit, sorry, Cas," Dean panted, his eyes half lidded, "lemme get a towel." He untangled himself from their position on the couch, pulling up his underpants and jeans as he did so, and stumbled off into the bathroom only to return seconds later with a tan towel in his hands, quickly wiping off the mess and then tossing it onto the floor with their clothes.

Once that was taken care of, he fell on top of Castiel, his cheek pressed against his chest, allowing Castiel to set his chin on top of his head. Castiel didn't mind, he was still dizzy from the high and was too sleepy from it to care. He ran his fingernails back and forth down Deans back, humming contently. They were so quiet, Cas thought that Dean had fallen asleep, and perhaps he had. Until Bones' whining and scratching at the door bolted him awake like a solider trained to jump at the slightest sound.

After startling himself awake, he looked around until he saw Cas and he smirked, rubbing his eyes. "Sorry. Dozed off."

"It's all right," said Castiel, "you're warm."

Dean chuckled, telling him to get some clothes on as he sat back up and swiped one of his shirts from off the floor, pulling it over his head while walking to the door to let Bones back inside. He mumbled something along the lines of wishing Sam would have taken the dog with him when he left. Castiel was pulling his shorts back on when Bones came trotting back up to him, pressing his wet nose against his calf.

"What do you wanna do now?" Dean asked when he stepped back into the living room.

"We can watch Star Wars now." said Castiel with a smirk, "Since you wanted to watch it so bad before."

"Hell, yes," grinned Dean, swiping the remote control from off the coffee table and pressing a button to play the movie, "it's only a cinematic masterpiece. Don't you love Star Wars?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder, "I've only seen the first one. I'm not even sure if I watched the whole thing."

Dean looked flabbergasted, as though the possibility of someone not watching all the Star Wars films all the way through was absolutely unheard of. " _Dude_ ," he pressed, "you're kiddin' me. You're stayin' the night here tonight, and we're gonna watch 'em and you're gonna love 'em."

"Okay."

Castiel smiled at him, his heart filling with hope that his father would allow him to stay the night at the Winchesters tonight in order to fulfill Deans wish that he would watch all the Star Wars movies with him. Dean had said that they would practically have the house all to themselves all night given that Mr. Winchester wouldn't be home until late, and Castiel wanted to spend as much alone time with him as possible.

As the bright yellow letters began to scroll up the screen, Castiel reached across the couch to grab a hold of Deans hand, threading his fingers through the gaps in between his until he had it firmly in his grasp. Dean squeezed back tightly, as he continued to babble on and on about how wonderful Star Wars was, and how he loved Harrison Ford, and how if Castiel didn't like these movies then this would defiantly put a strain on their relationship.

Castiel only smiled at him, his admiration-as he now decided to call it-growing stronger, along with the warmth swimming happily in his heart.

XxX

"So did you like it?" Dean immediately asked once the credits began creeping down the screen. He had hardly spoken two words the entire film, his eyes locked onto the screen and his face plastered with a look of such an extreme concentration and intensity, Castiel thought it looked similar to his own. He knew that if his family were here they would have joked about how Cas was rubbing off on Dean in such a way that they were now mimicking each other.

"I thought it was quite interesting," he replied, "I enjoyed it."

"Ha!" Dean cheered in victory, thumping Castiel on the shoulder as though he had proved him wrong, "I knew ya would! Isn't Han Solo awesome? Sammy's favorite is Obi Wan I think."

"Yes, I liked both of them. And C3PO and R2D2."

"Heh, yea," Dean agreed, "they're funny aren't they."

"Yes. I think I like them all actually."  
"Just wait 'til you meet Yoda. You'll like him too. He's a geeky little guy like you."

Castiel playfully glared at him before rolling his eyes and teasing, " _Please_. Out of the two of us you're the geekiest one here."

"Shut up," Dean playful punched him again, getting up from the couch to take the DVD out and place it back into its case before sliding it in its slot on the shelf and pulling out another case, "want to watch Empire Strikes Back?"

"Hmm..." Castiel checked the time on his phone, "in a minute," he said, "I should tell my dad I'm planning on spending the night."

"All right, cool. I'll make some popcorn."

Dean disappeared behind the wall with Bones happily trotting at his side. The sounds of Dean opening and closing cabinet doors in search for popcorn as dog nails clicked on the hard tile floor.

Castiel called his fathers phone, holding his cellphone up to his ear and picking at his nails as he waited for the ringing to end and his father to pick up.

"Hello?" He answered finally.

"Hey, Dad," said Castiel, "is it all right if I stay the night at Deans tonight?"

There was silence on the other end for a while that was so loud it made Castiels heart sink. Everything that could go wrong raced in his head, and for a moment anxiety crept up on him and told him that somehow he and Dean were found out, and that this would be the end of their fun. He had the horrible suspicion that his father was catching onto them, and was somehow going to get the information out of Balthazar.

"Yeah, that's fine, Castiel."

His anxiety blew out the window in a simple sentence, and he felt ridiculous for worrying at once. His lungs suddenly remembered how to work again, and he relaxed back against the couch cushions. He hadn't even realized he had been so tense. All this thinking was going to wind up killing him one day.

"Okay, thanks, Dad." he breathed in one rushed breath.

"Don't stay up too late." Chuck minded.

"I won't."

"And let me know when you'll be home tomorrow."  
"I will."  
"Okay. Goodbye, Castiel. I love you."  
"Love you too, Dad. Bye."

He hung up his phone and set it to the side to turn around and call to Dean in the kitchen.

"He said I could stay!"

Dean gave a shout of celebration from the kitchen, making Bones yip back at him. Castiel giggled to himself, excited that he would be staying at Deans place for the night, with only Bones as the other company. He and Dean wouldn't be bothered by any of Castiels siblings here, no Samandriel wanting to tag along everywhere they went, and no Gabriel sticking his nose into their business. There wasn't even Sam here to keep them from displaying their affection for each other. The house was all  _theirs_.

Dean soon returned with a bowl full of warm and buttery popcorn, Bones of course was following him around with his brown eyes begging for him to share the food. A whine escaping his mouth.

When Dean sat the bowl in between him and Cas, Castiel took a few pieces from the top and tossed them into the air for Bones to catch. He wagged his tail happily for scoring the treat.

"So...Cas..." Dean began, pretending to be occupied with selecting a popcorn kernel so he wouldn't have to look at Castiels face, "Have you heard anything from your mom?"

"No." he deadpanned. "I didn't have any missed calls when my father gave me my phone back. So I assume she doesn't have the time for me."

"Cas...don't say that."

"I think I'm starting to miss her less..." Castiel admitted, his eyes flickering down to his hands where he picked at his nails. Mostly because he didn't know what else to do with his hands. "Which is good, I guess. I'm starting to feel like...I don't know. Ever since she left things have been...complicated. We were so broken for so long, and now we're starting to sort of mend back together, and I think everyone's...happier this way. Is that bad?"

"No, Cas, of course not." Dean took his hand and wrapped it around one of Castiels, keeping him from picking at his nails anymore. "What she did was selfish...but she was unhappy, and if leaving made her happy then...I don't know-maybe it was for the best, you know? You said that everyone seems better right? You're better off without her."

"Yeah." Castiel said hollowly, his lungs filling with static. "I don't want to talk about her anymore."

"Okay," said Dean, "I just wanted to know if you heard anything from her."

"I know." Castiel squeezed Deans hand, forcing a small smile. "You always mean well, Dean. I thank God that I have you."

"Yeah... _God_." Dean huffed a sarcastic laugh, as though he was sharing an inside joke with Castiel that he was supposed to understand.

Castiel didn't see what was so funny.

"Whats that supposed to mean?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, c'mon, Cas...You can't honestly believe in  _God_."

"You seem to be forgetting about my origins again, Dean."

"Well, no I know, I know you were raised Catholic and stuff, but, Cas, man...you're gay. You know the Catholic church basically chases after homosexuals with pitch forks, right? You can't still be Catholic..."

"Well..." Castiel frowned, thinking, "I don't know. Perhaps...I still believe in Christ, Dean. I believe that God loves everybody, and that perhaps what I have been raised to believe is wrong, but I do believe in God. I can't just abandon my love for him just because I realized that I'm attracted to men."

"Are you serious?" Dean sputtered, his hand falling out of place of Castiels, "Dude. You've been telling me for weeks about how you've grown up brainwashed about sins and church and all that mumbo-jumbo! You've been told your whole life that being gay is wrong, and that God is going to banish you to Hell, and you're still gonna  _believe in him_? You're going to believe in something that tells you what we're doing is  _wrong_? That  _you're_  broken, and  _I'm_  broken, and we need to be fixed?"

"You don't...believe in God, Dean?"

"No. I don't. Why? Is that a problem?"

"No. But you seem to be making a big deal out of it." Castiel snapped, feeling anger swell up inside him, even though he hated being angry with Dean of all people.

"I'm not making a big deal out of it," Dean retorted, "I'm just saying that you should open your eyes up a little bit wider, Cas. I don't get how you could believe in somebody that says you're an abomination."

"Thats the  _church_. I believe  _God_ loves everyone."

"Cas-you're not listening to me."

"You're not listening to  _me_ , Dean Winchester. Why are you insisting that I have to become an atheist because I'm gay? There are many people who I'm certain are Christian or Catholic or any other religion and they sin. I am simply another sinner. I can still love Christ can't I?"

"But-Cas-"

"I can accept you for being a non-believer, why can't you accept me for being a believer?"

"I didn't say that!" Dean defended, pointing both hands to his chest, "If you love God, good for you! I don't care what you believe in, I'm just-you're gonna-you may view yourself as just another sinner, Cas, but there's going to be a mob of other people who don't think like that."

"I don't understand what they have to do with God's viewpoint. They are people. Not God."

Castiel had never felt such an intense wave of anger towards Dean like this before. He was being too stubborn to simply agree with Castiel, and he seemed to be ignoring all of his points and instead just stating his own, that were completely irrelevant to what Cas was talking about. It was making his hands shake, and his stomach twist upon realizing that this was a fight, and Castiel didn't know what they were supposed to do when they had a fight.

When he and his siblings bicker, they stay away from each other, and five minutes later they'll be getting along again. Dean was not his brother, he was his boyfriend, and he wasn't sure how he was suppose to handle situations like these. He had never asked Gabriel how to make-up after a fight, or even how to handle one. What if Dean didn't want to date him anymore after this fight? What if he wanted to break up with him because of this?

Anxiety tore his insides a part, and buzzed loudly in his ears like hornets were swirling in his brain and stinging his skull.

"Castiel," Dean said slowly. Cas didn't always like hearing Dean say his full name. It sounded funny when it was Deans voice saying it. He wasn't used to hearing it come out of his mouth like that. "You're not listening-"

"You're not listening either!" He barked, getting to his feet. His fists were shaking at his sides, and his chest was so tight his lungs were screaming for him to relax and breathe, but he didn't hear them. He began storming off because he wanted to be away from Dean and think, and because he couldn't think of anything else to do.

"Where the hell are you going?" Dean called after him, "Hey! Castiel! Castiel what the fuck-dammit! Cas!"

He was out on the sidewalk now. The sun was setting and the sky was bright red. He held his arms over his chest as he walked away from the Winchesters house, unsure of where he was going. The little brown house was nearly out of view when a horrible, crippling thought dawned on him;

He was leaving just like his mother had.

Leaving Dean behind without trying to fix what they had fractured. Not bothering to work out the problem together, and instead attempting to resolve it by running away.

_But what else am I supposed to do?_  He thought bitterly to himself,  _This is all I know..._

He continued on, thinking sour thoughts about how Dean wasn't even chasing after him, just like his father hadn't chased after his mother. He thought about Deans stubbornness, and how narrow minded he was. Dean just wouldn't  _listen._ Castiel wanted his voice to be heard and Dean kept brushing it aside and that was what was making Cas so frustrated with him.

But even so...

He paused on the sidewalk. He had walked quite far, he was almost to the road that would take him to Balthazars house. It was getting colder, and he could hear someone running behind him. Their shoes hitting the sidewalk with loud, unmistakable, slaps. He didn't think much of the runner, he thought they would go around him, as he stood where he was, caught up in his own thoughts for a moment.

He tried to think about all these negative qualities of Dean; his stubbornness for one thing, but he still couldn't bring himself to be  _that_ angry with him. He understood Deans side, but he was still frustrated at him for not listening to his own point. He was still feeling that warmth for Dean, and it wasn't going away anytime soon.

The fear of Dean breaking up with him because of this fight made his gut feel as though he had just been hit with a baseball bat. He didn't want to leave Dean, he didn't want to be like his mother and father and ignore every fight they had by running away, he wanted to keep Dean and enjoy their time together because they had such little time as it was.

He spun on his heel immediately to head back to the Winchesters, hoping that Dean hadn't-

"Dean!" He gasped, surprised to find himself nose to nose with the freckled devil himself.

He was panting hard, his face even dripping with sweat. "Cas-" he heaved, "I've been-callin' your name-for the past five mintues-didn't you hear me?"

"I-" he blinked with disbelief, "you-why are you here?"

"To bring you back, dumbass." he coughed, his hands on his knees now as he tried to catch his breathe, "What the hell were you thinkin' running out like that? You don't know you're way around here, you coulda gotten lost or something, and I never would have been able to find ya with how fast you friggen walk,  _Jesus_. You would have gotten pneumonia if you stayed out here all night without knowing where you were going!"

"You're...not mad at me?"

"I'm a little pissed you took off like that. But no. I'm not mad at you. I just want you to come back, Cas."

Castiels chest was tightened for a different reason now, his eyes stung with the threats of salty tears wanting to break out of his eyes, but he held them back with all the force he could muster to keep them there. He tossed his arms around Deans neck, burring his face into his shoulder and making him stumble slightly backwards.

"Cas-" he began, but Castiel cut him off.

"You're stubborn," he said wetly, "and...and a asshat. But-but I still want to be with you, Dean."

"Cas-Cas what the hell, man?" Dean said in an attempt to comfort him, bringing his arms up under his arm pits to hug him back and play with the back of his hair. "I want to be with you too. It's all right. You don't gotta be upset, buddy. Everything's okay. It's just one fight, dude. I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry. I won't bug you about that crap anymore, all right?"

"I'm sorry too." Castiel said into Deans jacket, "I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be like my mom."

Dean was quiet for a long time after he said that. A car or two drove by them. One of them honked their horn at them and hooted something out the window that both of them ignored. Dean finally pushed Castiel up off him and said, "C'mon. Let's go watch some more Star Wars."

Castiel nodded, bringing his wrist up to wipe his nose.

Deans hand immediately went to grab Castiels, holding on tighter than he ever had before.

XxX

Before going back to watch the second Star Wars movie, Dean went and bought Castiel dinner. They only got McDonalds, but a burger was what Castiel needed, and he felt much better after eating it. He asked Dean if he could get another one, and Dean was happy to buy him a second.

They then went home and by that time it was dark out.

Bones was waiting patiently by the door for their arrival, and greeted them with a pink, wet, tongue to both their hands when they stepped inside the door.

"Gross." Dean had winced, wiping off the slobber on his hand on his jeans while Castiel laughed at him, scratching Bones behind the ears.

They finished off the popcorn that was now colder, but still buttery and delicious. They tried to toss the kernels into each others mouths, only succeeding a few times, and usually having the kernel bounce off the others nose or face, only to be eaten by Bones who was waiting for the right moment to grab the snack.

They didn't actually get around to watching the Empire Strikes Back until later because they were too busy messing around. There were exchanges of sweet, buttery kisses, and whispering in each others ears even though the only other one around was the dog-who was now sleeping curled up on the rug.

Castiel could feel the words creeping up his throat during these moments, he could feel them pressing at his mouth, begging to be said to Dean, but he couldn't spit them out. His brain wouldn't let him.

He was nuzzling his cheek against Deans shoulder now, holding their hands that sat in his lap with the blanket wrapped around them and warmth filling every inch of body it felt as though he would burst from it.

It was late, at least midnight, and Dean was still determined to get them through the Star Wars movies before morning. Castiel was too tired for that. It was nearly the end of Empire Strikes Back, and his eye were begging him to keep them shut. His eyelids fluttered, practically watching the movie between his eyelashes. He could hardly comprehend what was happening in the film now, all he knew that Han Solo was being taken away for some reason he had already forgotten about because he was too tired to remember.

"You still awake, bud?" Dean asked softly.

"Mhmm..." Castiel replied, pressing his face harder against Dean, having his scent comfort him, and his heart bounced happily inside his chest from it. His eyes were closed now, burning for the desire of sleep, but he was still listening, determined to stay awake until the end.

Dean took his hand out from Castiels grip in order to wrap his arm around his shoulder and hold him against his chest. Castiel sighed blissfully, cuddling into Dean and his fingers feeling for the funny pendant of the necklace he wore, holding it in between his fingers as his heart swelled even larger, the warmth swirling in his brain. Castiel wished that he could stay like this with Dean everyday. He liked feeling this warmth, and this happiness. He liked the smell of Dean and the sound of his breathing and pressing his pendant against his palm.

_"I love you."_ called Princess Leia.

_"I know."_ said Han Solo.

Saying the words that Castiel couldn't quite fathom just yet.


	17. Knock Knockin' on Heaven's Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The front door squeaked open, and Bones welcomed John home with a few soft barks, and then seemed to trot away. Heavy footsteps pounded against the floor, feeling like an earthquake to Castiel.
> 
> With every step drawing closer to Deans room, the louder they echoed in Castiels ears, and the harder he bit down on his lip to keep from breathing too hard. He feared that John already knew that he was here, that he had seen their shadows sprinting through the house from the beam of his headlights, and was about to yank Castiel out from under the bed by his ankles.

He found himself back at the lake the next day, not remembering how he had got there or even how Sam, Gabriel, Balthazar, and Benny had come along with them, but they were all there. Castiel could see them swimming and splashing each other in the water, and he wished that he could join them.

He saw Dean nearest to him, preparing to jump off the large boulder that sat on the waters edge. He called Castiels name, telling him to 'watch this!' like a six year old would yell to his parents before they did something that they wanted to show off.

Dean jumped off the rock, but it seemed like he had messed up while diving and he hit the water with a horrible smack that ruptured the air.

"Dean?" Castiel called, his heart pacing faster the longer it took Dean to reemerge from the water. He called Deans name again. Not even bubbles were popping up to the surface, and Castiel was beginning to panic.

He called to the others for help, but they were swimming farther away from the shore, so far away that Castiel could hardly make out who was who.

The panic was now suffocating him, filling his lungs with anxiety and knotting his stomach so much it was painful. He screamed for the others, cupping his hands around his mouth and screaming until his throat was raw, but they still couldn't hear him.

There was still no sign of Dean, and the amount of time that had passed was dangerous. Castiel saw no other options, he was the only one who could help, and Deans life was hanging by a string. He would have to be the one to save him, and that meant going into the water.

He sucked in a breath, his whole body shaking as he inched closer and closer to the steady green water. He felt as though it had its own pair of eyes, and was watching him. Waiting for him to step in the cool lake, like it was about to win an argument that had been going on for eight years.

His foot met the wet sand that seeped through his toes, and the water pooled around his ankle in a neat circle. To Castiel it felt like a hand had grabbed a hold of him and it wasn't planning on letting go, however, he still had to get to Dean.

He waded farther into the water, heading into the direction of where Dean had jumped off the rock. He was nearly there when he heard a loud roar, like he would if he was at the ocean. Looking towards the noise he saw a large wave heading towards him, taller than the tree tops, the sun blinded him when he tried to look up at it.

Petrified with fear, Castiel couldn't move, and the wave crashed on top of him. It swallowed him whole, having him do summer salts, and sucking him under. He was far under the surface now, he couldn't even see the light from the sun reflecting in the water. He thrashed his arms about and struggled to make it back to the surface before his lungs died out on him, but no matter how hard he tried, he didn't seem to be going anywhere. Instead he seemed to be sinking farther down into where the water was coldest, and dark. Something was latched onto his ankle, refusing to let go. He tried to kick at whatever it was, but seemed to miss every time.

He coughed the last bubbles out of his mouth, and they swirled away out of sight and popped before his eyes closed...

Castiel bolted up right, gasping for air and clutching his chest in fear of his heart ripping through it it was pounding so hard. Cold beads of sweat dripped down his neck and back, and the shirt he was wearing felt damp. His eyes even felt wet with tears, though he didn't exactly feel like crying.

Darkness was surrounding him now, and for a moment he had forgotten where he was. It didn't feel like his bed back home, it didn't feel like a bed at all.

That was when he remembered falling asleep on the couch with-

"Cas, are you all right?" His face glowing from the light of his cellphone, Dean poked his head up from the floor, his eyes full of concern, as he waved the light around to get a good look at Castiel.

"I-I'm fi-fine," he stammered, still struggling to catch his breath, "Why are you on the floor?"

"You kicked me off." Dean smirked softly, climbing back up onto the couch to sit next to Castiels legs. "You don't normally squirm like that. Did you have a night terror or something?"

Castiel was struggling to recover from the trauma of his dream. Images of the events that had taken place during it flicked in front of his eyes like a roll of film for a movie. "Something like that...I think..." he said. His hands still twitched involuntarily, even though he had seemed to subside the trembling for the rest of his body.

"Well, what happened?" Dean asked, "Are you all right? Want somethin' to drink?"

"I'm fine," his voice croaked, he was actually quite thirsty, and at the mention of having something to drink, his tongue began craving a cold glass of water. "Are you all right? I kicked you off the couch, that couldn't have had been very enjoyable."

"Don't change the subject," Dean pretended to scold him before getting to his feet and turning on a lamp next to the couch that sat on the side table, "I'll be right back. Gettin' a glass of water for ya."

He disappeared into the darkness, only to flick the kitchen light on to push away the shadows of the house. Castiel could hear the clinking of glasses, and crunching of ice as he scooped it into the cup, and the running of water under the sink, until it was cut off once the glass was full to Deans liking. When he returned, there was a clear glass of water in his hands, and he gave it to Castiel. It chilled his fingers at the touch, and the ice banged into each other like miniature glaciers floating in a tiny lake the size of his glass.

He stared down at it, studying the tiny cracks in the frosty ice cubes as they started to melt back into their original form.

"You all right, Cas?" Deans voice seemed more like background noise to him.

"Yes." He deadpanned. "I'm fine."

"Do you remember what your dream was about?"

Castiel distracted himself by raising the glass to his lips and swallowing the water, the ice pressing against his mouth as they collected at the side of the cup.

Dean waited patiently for an answer.

"Yes." he couldn't bring himself to lie, no matter how much he didn't want to talk about it. He still couldn't bring himself to lie to Dean.

"Well, what happened?" Deans hand was placed on his knee, his thumb smoothing back and forth over it, letting Castiel feel the swell of warmth in his chest again. Comfort and trust flowed through his mind and veins, and he just couldn't stop himself from telling Dean everything. There was something about those apple green eyes that made him want to tell his entire life story, and all his secrets to Dean.

"I was at the lake with you and the others," he began, "and you went under. I thought you were drowning and no one was around to help...so I went to get you and a wave came and pulled me under. I was drowning, and I tried to get to the surface, but something kept pulling me and..." his chest feeling tight again, and his fingernails pinched into his palms to keep him from panicking.

_It was just a dream_ , he told himself,  _it was just a dream, stop being so scared..._

"Oh, fuck, Cas..." said Dean, "I'm going to fucking rip Benny's lungs out."

"What?" Castiel was surprised, he hadn't even thought of Benny being at fault for this. He was so used to the nightmares now he didn't really think of having an event like what happened last time at the lake trigger them. It felt like it had been so long ago when it happened he didn't think it would be affecting him  _now_.

"I'm going to kill him," he snarled again, "he's an idiot for doin' that to you. I'm really sorry, Cas, we didn't know you couldn't swim."

"Dean-that-Dean, I can swim just fine. This isn't the first time I've had a dream like this one. It's not Bennys fault."

"Wait what?"

"I know how to swim."

"Then why did you tell me you couldn't?"

"Because...it was easier to say that than to tell you that I was afraid..."

"Afraid? Afraid of what? The water?"

Castiel nodded, looking down into the glass to see the tiny glaciers melting at the bottom of the cup, creating a small pool of water.

"Why?"

"When I was eight I almost drowned in my neighborhoods pond, because Gabriel pushed me when I was rolling down a hill on my roller skates. Micheal had to jump in and save me. I haven't liked being around the water since. I haven't even told my family about my fear. I just don't go into the water. I'm sure they all know. We just don't talk about it, really."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I wouldn't have made you go into the lake."

"Because it was still around the time when I had first met you, Dean. I can't even tell my brother that I'm afraid of the water, how could I have told you?"

Dean went quiet for a moment.

"So, I'm the only one who knows?"

"Yes. Gabriel tried to coax it out of me the other day, but I wouldn't give him a straight answer. You're the only one I tell the whole truth to anymore, Dean."

"You must trust me a lot then, huh?" He smirked faintly, ghosting his fingertips over Castiels.

"How could I not?"

Deans tongue flicked over his pink lips, and his mouth curved as though he were about to say something, but the sound of cars engine cut him off. He whipped his head around to see two glowing yellow headlights through the living room window, pulling into the Winchesters driveway.

"Shit," he gasped, "my Dad's home. Hurry, go into my bedroom."

"What-why?" Castiel sputtered "we aren't doing anything bad, are we?"

"Just go, Cas." He pushed his hands lightly but forcefully against Castiels shoulders while jumping to his own feet.

Castiel obeyed, and hurried off into Deans and Sams bedroom, Dean tailing behind him. Dean shut his door behind them, just as Bones could be heard getting to his paws out in the living room, his nails clicking on the floorboards and a low growl admitting from his throat.

"Get under my bed." Dean told him.

"What?"

"Get under my bed." He repeated. "Just do it, Cas, please."

Again, Castiel did as Dean asked him. Without saying another word he plopped down onto the floor and squeezed himself to fit under Deans mattress. He was square in the middle of the bed, keeping his limbs as close to his body as he possibly could so nothing was visible. His heart drummed in his chest, as dust bunnies tickled his nose, and made the roof of his mouth feel like cotton.

He watched Deans feet disappear from the floor, and his body sink into the mattress above him. He pressed his body closer to the floor, attempting to make himself completely flat in fear of getting squished somehow.

The front door squeaked open, and Bones welcomed John home with a few soft barks, and then seemed to trot away. Heavy footsteps pounded against the floor, feeling like an earthquake to Castiel.

With every step drawing closer to Deans room, the louder they echoed in Castiels ears, and the harder he bit down on his lip to keep from breathing too hard. He feared that John already knew that he was here, that he had seen their shadows sprinting through the house from the beam of his headlights, and was about to yank Castiel out from under the bed by his ankles.

The bedroom door squeaked open, and heavy footsteps followed.

His heart was hammering so hard against the ground, it felt as though it would leave bruises on the outside of his chest. The silence buzzed loudly in his ears, and he did a silent prayer in his head, for Johns business to merely be checking on his boy and to then leave to his own bed. He didn't want this visit to last very long, and he certainly didn't want to witness a fight between father and son.

"Dean." John Winchesters voice had Castiels heart jumping into his throat. It ruptured through the still air like a bass drum, and while Castiel wasn't sure why he was so scared of being found, he clamped his palm over his lips to muffle the sound of his ragged breathing.

"Hmm?" Dean pretended as though John had woke him. The bed springs creaked above Castiels head as he shifted in the mattress.

"Where's Sam?"

"He went to stay the night at a friends house." he answered.

Mr. Winchester let out a gruff noise of acknowledgement, and then the room was quiet for so long, Castiel wondered if he should wiggle back out from underneath the bed, but before he could whisper up to Dean to ask if he could come out, John spoke again.

"Will you pick up Adam for me tomorrow?"

"Sure, Dad."

"All right. Don't go messing around with him in the car."  
"I won't."  
"Good. You didn't screw around today did you?"  
"No, sir."  
"What'd you do all day?"  
"Nothin'."

John let out another gruff noise, as though he was getting the message that Dean didn't want to talk at one in the morning. Castiel heard the shuffling of boots heading back towards the door, and squeaking creek of the hinges as he opened it again.

"Have you been hanging around that Castiel guy lately?" John asked, making Castiels heart jump up into his throat.

"Huh?"

"That new friend of yours. Castiel was his name?"  
"Yeah, Cas. I haven't seen him in a while actually."

"Hm. All right. What about Benny?"  
"Benny's fine, Dad. I just saw him yesterday."  
"Good...That's good. Good night, then, Dean. I'll let you sleep."

"Good night, Sir."

The door squeaked shut again, and the sound of boots hitting the floor echoed around the house, and made the floor under Castiels body shake slightly until John Winchester got to his own room, and the sounds stopped completely.

Castiel still waited silently under the mattress, afraid that John may come barging back any second and catch him hiding in Deans room. He bit on his tongue and swallowed his breathes until his lungs were burning for a proper brush of fresh air inside them.

Deans head suddenly swung down to meet Castiels gaze. His hair was barely grazing the floor, and his eyes were wide, as though to help him see better in the dark. "Cas?" He whispered.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel finally breathed.

Deans eyes crinkled, and even though Castiel couldn't see his mouth, he knew he was smiling. "You can come up now. Unless you wanna sleep down there with my crusty old clothes."

Castiel wiggled back out from under the bed, dragging his body across the floor and out into a dust-free world. His lungs and nose were grateful for the clean air.

He climbed into the bed with Dean, curling up by his side and feeling the softness, and warmth of the blankets and pillows. It all smelled like Dean, and it felt like safety. He suddenly felt the worry of Mr. Winchester finding him in the boys' room drift away from him, and it was like no one could touch them while he was here in Deans bed with him.

"Why did I have to hide under the bed?" He asked at once, his hand subconsciously feeling for the pedant on his necklace laying across Deans chest.

"'Cause if you didn't then my dad would probably throw you out the window. It's okay to come up now. He'll probably sleep all day tomorrow, we won't have to worry about him."

"Why would he be angry? Because I'm spending the night at your house? Or because we were sleeping on the couch together?"

"Well...yeah, sorta...but, It wouldn't be as big of a deal if he didn't know I was bi. He's even suspicious of Benny now."

"Benny?" Castiel wrinkled his nose, frowning, and making Dean snicker.

"Yeah, he thinks me and Benny are a thing I guess. He's been acting real suspicious whenever I say I'm hanging out with him, or talking with him. What a douche, right? Maybe I'll have to tell him that Benny is my ex."

"That's not funny, Dean." Castiels frown deepened, and his feeling of dislike for Benny prickled around his chest. His grip on the pendant tightened in his palm, pinching his skin.

"Aw, c'mon, Cas," Dean ran his fingernails up and down his arm as a way to apologize, "I'm just teasin'. Benny is so not my type."

"Whats a type?"

"You know like...my type would have to be...dark hair. I just always happen to be attracted to people with dark hair...and bright eyes. A little bit of a rebel...someone whos honest, and tough. Anyone who's kick ass, and  _can_  kick ass. I'm not really that picky, but I go after those types. You know what I mean?"

Castiel bobbed his head, "Oh. I see."

"So, what do you think your type is?"

"Hmm..." he hummed, nuzzling his face into the cool pillow, and shutting his eyes, "My type would be...They'd be loyal, and kind. Funny. Charming. Family oriented. Intelligent. Brave. Anyone who's intentions are good, and they're good-hearted. Accepting, and mischievous. Good with kids. I like the smell of leather jackets... and they like good music, and cars. Green eyes. Light hair...and so many freckles that I loose count every time-"

Dean started laughing, making him cut his list short, "Cas, Cas, wait, are you just describing me?"

Castiel looked up at him, casting him a puzzled expression. "Whats wrong with that?"

"Describing me isn't exactly having a type, dude. That's just...me."

"Well, you  _are_  my type. Am I your type?"

Dean chuckled, wrapping Castiel in his arms and pressing his face into Cas's dark messy hair. "You are pretty kickass, Cas."

"I know."

Dean laughed, sending hot puffy breathes of air into his hair and scalp. Castiel merely smiled to himself, his heart bouncing happily in his chest again. The words were still pushing at his tongue, begging to be said, telling him that it was the perfect time to be said. They wanted to be spoken so badly, but he couldn't say them.

Not quite yet.

He missed the opportunity when sleep came too soon and pulled him back into a place where he and Dean had more than just a summer to spend together. Summer is too short of a time frame for stupid teenagers to spend together. Especially when they are only just starting to fall love with each other, and won't admit it.

XxX

The next morning he woke up to find an empty bed. Propping himself up on his shoulders, his panned his squinted, sleepy eyes around the room for any sign of life. The door was cracked open, and Bones sat by the side of the bed, panting into Castiels face.

"Good morning, Bones." He yawned.

Castiel then swung his legs over the side to get up and walk out into the living room, where he could smell the comforting scent of coffee boiling in a pot. Shuffling towards the direction of the mouth water smell, he found himself in the kitchen. Where he also found Dean.

"Mornin', tiger." Dean flashed a cheerful grin to Castiel as he heard his feet hit the kitchen tile. Snaps of bacon cooking in the skillet crackled in his ear, and blueberry pancakes were stacked in a tower on a plate on the brown table.

"What's this?" Castiel asked.

"Uh, breakfast?" He snorted, "What does it look like?"

"I just didn't realize you were so good at cooking."

Dean laughed, "Good? I mean, I  _like_  cooking, but you haven't tasted anything, so you don't really know if it's good or not."

"Where is your father?" Castiel wondered aloud, shuffling straight for the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup in a black Halloween mug that had illustrations of a pumpkin and a little white ghost.

"Sleeping like a baby," said Dean, "like I told ya he would be."

Castiel sat down at the table with his coffee, the smell of it bringing back nostalgia of when he would wake up every morning to the smell of it drifting up the stairs from the kitchen counter. How his mothers breath would linger of it when she kissed him good morning, and she would let him only have a sip of it when he asked. She cooked the coffee every night, in order for it to be hot and ready for his father every morning when he woke up for work.

There is no smell of coffee in their house anymore.

He brought the mug up to his lips, letting the bitter liquid flow through his mouth and spread warmth up to his finger tips and toes, washing away the last flecks of his sleepiness.

The front door opened and closed, and it grabbed both of the boys' attention. Their heads snapped up and away from whatever they were doing, and their eyes locked onto the archway in the wall, waiting for whoever it was to come into their view.

Bones hopped up from the part of the floor he was curled up at to greet whoever it was. His tail beat the air happily.

It was only Sam.

Neither of them knew who they were expecting, but they both felt relief wash over them.

"Oh, hey, Cas!" Sam brought up a hand to wave when he spotted him, "Dean didn't tell me you were coming over."

"You're home early," Dean quickly changed the subject, "What? Was Kevin showing you his rock collection again?"

"No," Sam hopped into a seat beside Castiel, "he had a cello lesson this morning, so his mom dropped me off. Did you make breakfast?"

"'Course."

Sam reached across the table and helped himself to the pancakes. When he sat back in his chair, he took a huge bite out of the cake, blueberry sauce dripping over his mouth. As he chewed, he stared at Castiel quizzically, as though he was noticing something off about him. Just as Castiel was about to speak up and ask what on earth he was looking at, Sam pointed a finger and said;

"You have a hickey on your neck."

Castiel sputtered into his coffee, and Dean nearly dropped the skillet full of bacon.

"How the hell do you know what a hickey is?" Dean shouted. After stammering wordlessly for a few moments he was able to articulate a complete sentence.

Sam rolled his eyes, and gave his brother a look as though the answer was completely obvious and he was an idiot for even asking. "I'm related to  _you_  that's why. How innocent do you think I am?"

"Innocent enough." Dean retorted.

"Anyway, Cas," He ignored his brother, leaning his elbows on the table, "where'd you get that hickey?"

Castiel scoffed, feeling his face grow red, "That is none of your concern, Sam, and it's quite rude of you to-"

"I'm just saying," he rolled his shoulders, smirking slyly. He must be picking up quirks from Gabriel, he had been hanging around him too often, "I know you don't know many people around here. Basically the only people you know are us. And you and Dean were the only ones here last night..."

"Jesus Christ, Sam," Dean groaned, looking at the ceiling, "you  _know_?"

Castiel whipped his head around to glare at Sam, his eyes narrowing. He wore a mask of anger to cover up the fact that his heart had sank, and his brain was buzzing with questions of who else knew?

"Of course I know, what do you take me for?"

"How do you know?" Castiel barked.

"Because I'm Deans brother and I know him," Sam remarked, "It wasn't exactly hard for me to put the pieces together. I don't know why you didn't just tell me though. Out of all people."

Dean met Castiels gaze from across the room and sighed heavily, "Sammy...Cas just didn't want to tell people. But now you know, and Balthazar and Benny know-"

"Benny knows?" Sam snapped, "You told Benny before  _me_? Your own brother?"

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean rolled his eyes, "quit bitchin' and listen to me. Cas didn't want people to know so we didn't tell anybody. But now you three found out someway or another, and we're going to keep it that way. Capiche?"

"I can't tell anyone?"  
"No."  
"Not even Gabriel?"

" _Especially_  not Gabriel." said Castiel.

"Why not?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows, "He practically knows already."

Cas' heart sank. "What? What do you mean?"

"Yeah, we talked about it last time we hung out. The other day when you were grounded. He was asking me if I knew anything, and I told him I didn't know for sure, but I had suspicions too. Can't we just tell him? He'd wanna know."

"Don't tell him, Sam." Castiel said hardly, "You can't tell Gabriel."

Sams eyes went wide, surprised at the tone Castiel was taking with him, and seeming a little hurt. "But why?" He asked softly. "I didn't think--I don't think he would care."

"I get that Gabriel is your friend, Sam, and that you want to share this news with someone, but you have to promise me you won't tell him this." Castiel kept his voice firm, not letting his eyes drift away from Sams, "He's my brother, I know him like you know Dean. Trust me when I say that he  _would_  care. He can't know. No one in my family can know about Dean and I. Promise."

"I promise, Cas. I won't tell him."

"Thank you, Sam."

"...I really am happy for you guys though. I haven't seen Dean act this stupid over someone he's dating since...I dunno...Lisa maybe. I couldn't believe he was actually cooking breakfast."

Just as Castiel was about to ask him what he meant by that, Dean swooped in and started piling greasy bacon strips onto their plates, holding their attention for a few moments by talking about how since Sam knew about him and Cas now, they were going to be much more public with their affection for each other.

"Oh, yeah, Sam," he said, "Cas an' I will be all over each other. We could be just hangin' out at the park, and you could look over and see me and Cas just goin' at it-"

"Aw, gross!" Sam wrinkled his nose, "I'm tryin' to eat, dude!"

"I am in a relationship, Sammy," Dean pretended to be insulted, placing his hand on his chest, aghast, "and might I remind you that we are hormonal teenage boys. We can't help it if we can't keep out hands off each other, right, Cas?" Dean ghosted his fingertips up and down Castiels spine, making his skin crawl. "It's in our DNA."

" _Ugh_!" Sam pretended to gag, "C'mon, Dean, Cas is my friend too! I don't wanna see that--"

Dean pretended to ignore him, cutting up a small piece of pancake and stabbing it with a fork, "Here, Cas, mind if I feed you?" He cooed, shoving the food into Castiels open mouth before he could respond.

"Thank you, Dean," he said thickly.

Sam rolled his eyes at the scene, "I'm leaving," he announced, "I'll come back when Dean stops being gross like that." And with that, he wondered off into the living room, Bones yipping after him in welcome.

"Sorry about that," Dean took Sams seat, and watched as Castiel wiped his mouth from maple syrup, "just wanted to get him outta here."

"No need to apologize," Castiel smirked, cutting a piece of pancake and spearing it as Dean had, "I quite enjoyed it."

Dean seemed a bit shocked to see the piece of fluffy cake heading towards him, and a red blush covered his freckles. He opened his mouth, and Castiel guided the fork inside. "Thanks." He muttered out of the side of his mouth, attempting to hide his reddening face.

Castiel snickered to himself, spitefully enjoying making Dean blush, and then turned back to his coffee and breakfast. Before wondering aloud, "When are we getting Adam?"

"Aw, shit," Dean picked up his head to look at the clock, "nearly forgot about Adam. We'll have to leave soon, so eat quick."

"Okay. Can we take him over to my house to play with Samandriel, then? He's been dying for another play date."

"I don't see why not, I'm sure he'd love that."

Castiel drank the rest of his coffee, and shoveled the food on his plate into his mouth. Once Dean was done eating as well,they went to pull their shoes on, and asked Sam if he'd like to come along too.

"Depends," he said spinning around in the computer chair, "are you two going to be all over each other the whole time?"

"Gotta keep both hands on the wheel, Sammy." Dean smirked, flashing his brother his palms.

"Besides, we're going to my house," added Castiel, "we won't be allowed to behave that way while we're there."

"Hmmm..." Sam tapped his finger to his chin, before hopping up and saying, "I guess so."

"Better tell my dad I'm on my way home then," Castiel thought aloud, whipping out his phone and texting his father on their way out the door. Once the message was sent he pocketed it once more, and it was suddenly the last thing on his mind. Once Dean jogged up to him to grab a hold of his hand.

They picked up Adam in the Impala of course. Castiel got to ride shotgun, and Sam kept poking Dean and asking why he had to sit in the back, shotgun was always  _his_  spot. Dean just told him that it was because Castiel was the second oldest in the car now, and then told him to stop bitching and learn how to share.

Dean walked up to Miss Kate's front porch, and knocked on the door. Adams mother answered, with her son clinging to her waist. When he saw it was Dean, his mouth split into a grin, and leapt into his arms. He gave one last kiss and hug to his mother before finally waving goodbye, and having Dean carry him to the car.

"Hi, Sam!" He had greeted when he saw his older brother sitting beside him in the car, "Hi, Castiel! I remember you!"

"I remember you too, Adam." replied Castiel.

"How does a play date with Samandriel sound, Adam?"

Adam squealed, "Really?"

"Would I lie to you?" Dean met his eyes in the rear view mirror, and his baby brother grinned.

Adam was buzzing with excitement so much, he couldn't sit still in his seat. He babbled about how happy he was to go to Castiels house and see his friend again. He talked about what he did this past week, and told Cas about how 'Bean' missed him a lot, and that he still talked about him and his pretty blue eyes.

This time, Dean didn't try to keep him quiet.


	18. Seven Minutes in Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean chuckled awkwardly, "We'll find a time. We still have a month together...there's gonna be more times like that one. I promise, Cas."
> 
> "A month." He repeated, the word feeling like a wad of cotton on his tongue. The word seemed to always be coming back to haunt him.

Adam wiggled excitedly in his seat when they pulled into Castiels driveway. He rested his hands on the door, waiting impatiently for his older brother to let him out. When Dean finally did, he hopped out and scampered to the door, bouncing on the heels of his feet.

"C'mon!" He encouraged the older boys, "I wanna see Alfie!"

"We're coming, Adam," said Sam, "slow down for a second will ya?"

"I wanna see Alfie!"

"You're gonna see him, dude, chill." Dean chuckled, looking to Castiel for him to open the door to his house.

When Castiel went to do so, Adam was on his hip, waiting for the right moment to squeeze into a six-year old sized gap in the doorway for him to dart into the house.

"Samandriel!" Adam called as soon as he stepped foot into the Shurleys house. Naturally the sound of this new little voice brought curiosity in the household, and suddenly Adam was in the spot light. Once Castiels siblings had all gathered in the foyer to inspect their visitor.

Castiel didn't even get the chance to greet his family first, because suddenly everyone was fussing over how cute little Adam was.

Anna was on him first, cooing and aw-ing with her hands pressed to her cheeks. "He's the cutest little kid I've ever seen! Dean, you're over all the time, how could we have not met your baby brother yet?"

Dean shrugged, "He just hasn't made his way over here yet, I guess."

Then came the rest of them. Gabriel was crouched on the floor in front of Adam, asking him questions like how old he was and what he liked to do. Micheal and Lucifer were fawning over his adorable answers, and how he had a bit of a lisp on his L's, pronouncing every word that started with that letter with a W.

"Cas is your brother?" Adam asked them.

"Yep." Said Gabriel.

"I have brothers too!" He said, pointing to Sam and Dean behind him, "This is Bean, and thats Sammy."

" _Bean_?" Gabriel repeated, not even trying to hold back his snicker. The others around him at least attempted to hide their smiles behind their hands, looking down at the floorboards, so they missed the rising pink blush flushing Deans cheeks.

"Yes...Bean," Adam frowned, not seeming to understand what was so funny to his new friends, "and Sammy."

"Thats so cute." Anna whispered to her palm, still struggling to hold back the giggles.

"Tch." Sam folded his arms over his chest, muttering, "He's not  _that_ special."

"Do I sense some jealousy here, Sammich?" Gabriels glanced up with wickedness in his amber eyes. "You're panties are in a twist 'cause you're not the cute little brother anymore? HA! Join the club, kiddo."

"Ah, he's thirteen," Dean explained with a smirk, "he's at that point in his life when the only emotion he has is angst."

"Shut up." Sam muttered again.

"Move outta the way," Samandriels voice suddenly cut through the crowd, wiggling his way between the bodies of his siblings to get in the center to Adam, "he's my friend! You came to play with me, right, Adam?"

Adam nodded, "Uh-huh."

"See," Samandriel said, grabbing a hold of his friends hand, "C'mon, Adam, we can go play with my board games in my room."

"Okay!"

They watched the two little boys trample up the stairs, Samandriel dragging Adam along until they heard a door swing shut and their giggles were muffled by the barrier of walls.

Castiel looked around at his family, grazing over all the faces until he saw that one was missing. "Is Dad home?" He asked his brothers and sister.

"Went with Uncle Joshua someplace," Lucifer answered, hitching his thumb over his shoulder as though they had actually headed that way, "he said he'd be back. He had gotten your message before he left, so he knew you were on your way home."

"Yeah, you actually followed the rules this time, little brother," Micheal teased, "I was actually begining to think you had inherited the Shurley rebellious streak."

"I still think its in him somewhere." added Anna, "he's just a late bloomer."

Gabriels permanent smirk subsided for a moment, as his eyes flicked away from his elder siblings and to Castiel. Something seemed to have had caught his eye and he was suddenly pushing the others out of the way in order to reach him, grabbing a hold of his younger brother and jerking his head to the side so quickly Castiel could hardly register what had happened.

Gabriel immediately started laughing, pulling the room into confusion.

"Hey, man, whats with the hickey?" He barked, releasing his brother.

"What?" Castiel clapped his hand to his neck at once, his eyes widening. "What's-what's a hickey?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Where'd you get that?"

"Cas has a  _hickey_?"Lucifer exclaimed.

"Let me see!" Anna bolted to Gabriels side, elbowing her way to get a view of it like they were at a zoo.

"Castiel Shurley!" Micheal scoffed, suddenly at his side also, "I'm honestly in shock right now."

Lucifer grabbed a hold of his chin, forcibly tilting his head to the side in order to get a better look like Gabriel had, "Jesus, Cassie, it's a dark one too. You like it rough like that?"

They all broke out into fits of laughter. Even Sam was forbidding his snickers to become un-muffled by his palm, his eyes watering with the threat of joyful tears. Deans lips twitched slightly, foreshadowing a smirk that he was struggling to keep from crossing his face.

"It's not a hickey!"

Lucifer only laughed harder, "Did you and Dean see some girls last night or somethin'?"

This comment had Gabriels face falling in an instant, his eyes flashing from two cool puddles of chocolate pudding, to hard, cold, pieces of fudge that threatened to crack your teeth with one bite. Castiel saw the realization cross his brothers face, seeing his thoughts display in his eyes as though he could actually read his mind. It seemed as though he hadn't even thought about  _who_  gave him the hickey, he had become to infatuated with the mere presence of the purple bruise on his little brothers neck to even think of how it actually got there.

But now he was glaring at Cas, and then glaring at Dean, and Castiel knew what Gabriel was thinking was one hundred percent correct. He would still deny it if he dared to bring it up anytime soon, it wouldn't matter how horrible the lies got. Gabriel wasn't going to get the truth out of him.

"It's not a hickey," Castiel pressed, an uncomfortable swelter of heat creeping up his neck and to his cheeks, "I must have slept funny-I-I guess-"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Anna remarked sarcastically, "I was born at night, but not  _last_ night, Castiel."

"It's not!"

"C'mon, tell us who the lucky lady was!" Lucifer shoved his arm.

"I-I didn't-"

"You better use some of Annas makeup to cover that up, squirt," Micheal snorted, "Dad'll have a fit when he sees it."

"How far did you go?" Lucifer asked eagerly.

"Oh, please, Luce," said Anna, "this is Castiel we're talking about here. He couldn't have gone farther than that."

"Hmm. You're right, but I never would have thought that I would lay eyes on a love bite on this kids neck, so whose to say what else he did."

"True." She agreed.

"So, Cassie," Lucifers eyelids lowered over his eyes, repeating his question, "how far did you go?"

Castiel stared wordlessly up at them, the boiling heat spreading all over his face as his sweaty palm pressed against his neck, as though if he held it there long enough it may just disappear completely. "It's not a hickey!" seemed to be the only thing he could say.

"C'mon, Cas," Anna whined, "just tell us!"

"Who are we to judge?" Asked Lucifer.

"Yeah," scoffed Micheal, "especially you."

Lucifer scowled at him momentarily, until his attention was direction towards Gabriel, who finally found his voice again and said gravely, "Yeah, Cas. Tell us."

Castiel turned to look at Dean helplessly, his brain buzzing loudly, but blank of any lies that may be able to get him out of this corner his siblings had him trapped into.

The silence in the room was as thick and heavy as the humidity clouding the Louisiana air. Three clownish faces stared down at him, their eyes sparking with a wicked glint. They seemed to think they were about to coax it out of Castiel. The other face, however, stared at him with a dreadful scowl, as though daring him to answer.

Castiel looked Gabriel straight in the eyes and repeated what he had said before, "I must have slept funny. I didn't see anyone else last night besides Dean."

Gabriels knuckles seemed to crack.

The wicked faces contorted into disappointment and annoyance.

Anna scoffed, "Fine, don't tell us."

"Asstiel." Lucifer grumbled.

"I just hope you realize Dad isn't going to let you off that easily." said Micheal.

"Yeah," Gabriel deadpanned, "he's not going to believe a crummy story like that."

"We've got a lot more experience than you do," added Lucifer, "plus, Dad's had me and Gabriel to deal with. He's heard it all, and we've had  _much_ better stories than that."

"Work on your lying there, kiddo." Anna clicked her tongue on the side of her mouth and winked, "Dad may be Dad, but he's not a moron. You can barrow my make-up if you want, squirt, just don't make a mess or anything." and with that, she turned on her heel and wondered off into the living room.

Gabriel aggressively elbowed his way past his younger brother to get to Sam, tossing his arm over his shoulder and bringing his head towards his mouth in order to talk into his ear. Castiel couldn't hear what Gabriel had said to him as he pulled him away from the others, but Sam spoke louder, as though he wanted Cas and Dean to hear.

"I don't know how he got it," he said, "they won't tell me anything!"

Castiel didn't want to wait around and hear anymore what Micheal and Lucifer had to say to him, so he hurried off up the staircase towards Annas bedroom, Dean not far behind.

"You should really start thinking up some better lies, Cas." He said softly, looking over his shoulder in case one of the Shurleys were around them, "You're gonna get us caught..."

"Your the one who gave me this thing," Castiel pointed out, shuffling through his sisters make up bag in search of anything that was identical to his skin-tone, "if only you were able to control yourself-"

"Oh, please," Dean rolled his eyes, leaning against the door frame with his arms folded over his chest, "you love it when I give you those things. Did you forget you gave me one too?" Castiel turned to give him a playful sideways glare to see Dean had pulled down his shirt to show off the dark purple ring on his collar. "Gabriel would have lost a nut if he woulda seen this."

Castiel pretended to scoff, turning back to Annas make up bag, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, yeah?" Deans footsteps thudded on the carpet behind him, approaching Castiel slowly until they came to a pause directly behind him, "You don't recall how much you tend to squirm when I touch you?" Deans fingertips ghosted up and down the front of Castiels stomach and chest, making Cas freeze in place.

"Dean." He said.

His mouth was close to the back of his neck now, and when he spoke his lips grazed the tiny hairs that prickled up his spine to his head, "You always sound so pretty, Cas. You make the prettiest noises."

"Don't do this now," Castiel snarled, his heart already racing in his chest, "we're sure to get caught if you keep that up."

Dean laughed against his skin, pressing his face into the crook of his neck and leaving a trail of soft, quick, kisses behind before stepping to the side and leaning his hand against the dresser. "Maybe later then?" He smirked devilishly.

Castiel finally found the concealer and foundation and set them down on the dresser top, shifting his gaze once more to give a teasing glare to Dean. Answering him with, "Perhaps. Later."

Dean couldn't help but smile with delight.

XxX

"Are you sure you can't see it?" Castiel asked again, examining his neck in the mirror in front of him, squinting unhappily at the discolored patch of skin that glinted somewhat yellow-ish in the light.

"You can't even tell!" Said Dean, "No one will notice unless they look at it long enough."

Castiel groaned, making a face at his reflection in the bathroom mirror before letting his head loll to his chest in frustration. "What am I going to do, Dean? I'm never going to hear the end of this from them."

"Ah, it could be worse," said Dean, hopping up to sit on the edge of the sink, "like, uh...they could have walked in on us. That would have been awkward."

"I'm being serious, Dean," Castiels hands gripped the sink, "they're going to keep pestering me about it until I cave, and I'm already horrible at lying. What am I supposed to do when my father gets home?"

"Just stick with your story," he rolled his shoulder, "maybe if you tell them long enough they'll believe it. They're bound to get bored eventually, and by the time it fades away they'll forget about it. Trust me, Cas, I've had many more hickies than you have."

Castiel sighed, ignoring the twinge of jealousy in his heart from the thought of someone else touching Deans body, and leaving purple marks along his skin. "We're going to have to be more careful," he spoke his thoughts, "Gabriels practically figured it out already, he's just waiting for me to admit it. If Sam can figure it out himself, whose to say the rest of them won't catch on eventually...if we keep it up like this..."

"Hey," Dean said gently, falling off of the edge of the sink and padding to Castiels side, "don't let them get to you, alright? We're doin' just fine. Sammy's one heck'ova smarty pants, he knows things before anyone else does. Just 'cause he figured it out himself doesn't mean everyone else will. I'm not worried about your other brothers and Anna, they don't seem to have any idea. Gabriel we might have to worry about, but as long we're keepin' careful, he won't have anything to talk about."

"Yeah...I guess so."

Deans hand fell on top of Castiels, his other hand brushing his fingertips along the nape of his neck. "I can give you hickies other places you know," he said softly, "places where only you'll be able to see 'em."

Castiels breath hitched at the thought. His skin tickled with a phantom hand swirling over his body where Dean had touched him last night, as he relived the memory playing out in his brain, giving a jolt to his abdomen. "Yeah?" Was all he could think of saying.

"Yeah." Dean echoed, his hot breath pushing against Castiels skin, crawling up his neck and to his cheeks.

Castiel turned slowly on his heel, with the full intention of meeting Deans lips with his, craving for one last sweet kiss before having to leave the cold bathroom and return to a crowded house were they wouldn't be able to even brush shoulders with each other without being hounded on.

His hand draped around Deans neck, and Deans palm cupped his cheek, falling into a kiss that might as well be chaste compared to the others they had shared. It didn't have time to escalate into anything other than innocent, because in the next moment someone had shouldered the bathroom door open.

Castiel whirled around immediately, his face glowing scarlet.

"Oh, crap," Sam giggled, his face peering through the crack in the door, "sorry, guys."

"Don't you know to knock, Sammy?" Dean growled.

"I wasn't expecting to walk in on your own personal seven minutes in heaven,  _jeesh_."

" _Sam_!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" He held up his hands in defense, having the door click shut behind him, and his footsteps fade off down the staircase. Gabriel was shouting something at him from downstairs.

"Damn, we're not even at our own house and Sammy is still such a fuckin' cock block."

"We should be getting out of here, anyway," Castiel mumbled, "theres too many people in the house."

"Right." Dean agreed, just as new noises began to make themselves known throughout the house.

Downstairs was the familiar open and shut of the front door, along with the padding of bare feet against the wood floors. "Daddy!" Samandriels voice sang throughout the house, and his footsteps were followed by that of his new counterpart. Adam raced along behind him, most likely unsure of what his friend was so excited about, but was giggling joyfully all the same.

"Oh, crap," Castiel muttered under his breath, his hand wrapped around the golden doorknob of the bathroom door, his heart hammering quickly against his chest, "I was hoping he'd be gone a little longer...I haven't even thought of a good story yet."

"I told you just to stick with the one you have," said Dean, "besides, I bet he won't even notice anything."

Castiel made a noise, unable to think of any words to disagree with Dean, and went through with leaving the bathroom. He could hear the voices chatting from below before he even reached the top of the staircase. He could detect his Uncles voice with the others, and he tried to hone in on what exactly they were talking about, picking out words that he was able to hear to attempt to make sense of their conversation. No mention of hickies.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs Adam was holding onto the sleeve of Samandriels shirt shyly, looking up at Mr. Shurley and Joshua with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"Hello, Dean," Uncle Joshua saw them first, flashing them a toothy smile, "hello, Castiel. We weren't expecting to see little Adam running around here."

"Oh, yeah, we brought him over to come play with Samandriel," Castiel explained, "they've taken quite a liking to each other."

Gabriel and Sams shouts from the living room nearly drowned him out. It sounded like they were playing Mario Kart together, from the way they were threatening to push each other off of Rainbow Road.

Chuck laughed, listening to them for a moment before turning back to Castiel and Dean, "It seems like the Winchesters have that affect on you boys."

Castiel forced a laugh, feeling the uncomfortable heat return back to his neck.

There was a fake cough from behind them, making the two spin around on the step and look up at Anna, who was standing with her hand perched on the banister, her mouth curved into a mischievous smile that stoke a flash of anxiety into Castiel.

"Hey, darlin'," Chuck greeted his daughter, "what are you up to?"

"Oh, nothing," he swayed on the steps, keeping that trickster worthy smirk on her face, and her eyes flicking to her brother, "I just came down to see if Naomi was around. I thought I heard her voice."

"Nope, sorry, honey," said Uncle Joshua, "she's at a friends house today. We'll be over soon though."

Castiel glared up at his sister to cover up the fact that he was practically screaming on the inside. He feared that she was going to mention something along the lines of him using her make-up, and then having it spiral from there. He knew that that glint in her eyes was the knowledge of blackmail she held against him the size of that purple bruise hiding under the yellow-ish make-up on his neck.

He knew that Dean was thinking this too from the crack of his knuckles that broke from clenching his fists too tightly.

"Darn," Anna sighed.

"Is there something you need to tell her?" asked Uncle Joshua, "I could pass along the message if you need me to."

"Nah," Anna smirked, her blue eyes glowing as they subtly flicked to her brother, "I'll tell her later. It's a...girl thing."

The look on her face hinted that this was in fact not a girl thing and Annas intentions were to tell their cousin what Castiel had been up to. She was probably only having her fun with teasing Castiel as much as she can, but Castiel wasn't in the mood for her jokes at the moment.

"Whats the matter with you two?" Chuck asked, making Dean and Castiel spin around to meet his gaze, "You look so annoyed. Everything all right, Castiel?"

"Yeah," he replied, feeling Annas sly gaze on the back of his head. "Just didn't get enough sleep last night I guess."

"Well, make sure to go to bed early tonight, mister," Chuck warned sidestepping to the kitchen with Uncle Joshua beside him, "you're the worst when you're grumpy."

Samandriel giggled at this before Castiel gave him a dirty look and he took off squealing into the living room with Adam at his tail. Once they had all gone Castiel turned to face his sister again, frowning deeply, and squinting his eyes until Anna was nearly a blur.

"I know what you're doing."

"I'm just having fun, baby bro," Anna smiled, pinching his cheek roughly, "I get a kick outta scaring the crap outta you like that."

Castiel swatted her hand away, glaring at her with distrust. He knew his siblings better than that. "What do you want?" He sighed.

Anna fake-chuckled, leaning her hand against the banister again, "I won't stop messing with you until you give me all those juicy details. I thought I had you all figured out, Cassie, but I need to know who gave you that love bite."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "You've been trapped inside this house with Gabriel for too long. You're starting to act like him." He turned to head back down the staircase with Dean in tow, when Anna grabbed a hold of his shoulder to stop him.

"C'mon, Cas, you can tell me! I promise I won't tell those other douche bags," she pleaded, referring to their older brothers, "I'm dyin' here. Tell me how you got the hickey."

Castiel flicked his eyes to Dean, who was staring at him intently, awaiting for what answer he was going to give now. But Castiel wasn't changing his story now, "It's not a hickey."

Annas hand fell from his shoulder, reflecting her mood as she stuck out her lip in a pout. "You really are no fun, Castiel. I'm surprised Dad didn't even say anything with that make-up job you did on your neck."

Castiels face flushed, clamping his hand back over his neck, "You can tell?"

"From a mile a way." She snorted, elbowing past him to join the others in the kitchen.

Castiel turned to Dean with wide eyes full of concern, his fingers still wrapped around the spot on his neck.

"She's just messing with you, Cas," Dean said quickly, "you really can't tell. Your Dad didn't even say anything about it!"

"Yeah..." he mumbled, slowly releasing his grip to uncover the yellow mark.

"C'mon," Dean took his arm and playfully shook it to get him to look at him, "you wanna go for a walk or something? Get away from all these crazy people?"

That got Castiel to smile, and he nodded, having Dean lead him out the front door and towards the back of the house where they took the path into the woods. Here, hidden behind the trees and bushes, they were able to hold hands again. Far away from any suspicious brown eyes that may be watching them.

Castiel swung their arms back and forth happily, enjoying their silent walk and the chirping of birds over their heads. He hadn't gotten a chance to walk this path in awhile, and it was a nice break from everyone else to be surrounded by nature while getting to spend time with Dean without having to worry about if anyone is watching them hold hands or exchange kisses.

"I got the job at the garage." Dean suddenly mumbled under his breath, his face drawn towards the ground.

It took Castiel a moment to register this, the memory from the fair flashing back into his mind after a few moments of wracking his brain. "Oh!" He said, "Oh, you did? Dean, thats wonderful! When do you start working?"

"Next week," he replied, a smirk tugging at his lips, seeming as though he was relived that Castiels reaction was a good one, "it's only part time. And-and I'll only be working two days a week tops, and it's not like I'll be working all day, so we'll still be able to spend time together."

Castiel squeezed his hand tightly, "That's great, Dean. I'm glad you got a job. Especially a job in something that you like."

"Hell, yeah," Dean grinned, "I'll be surrounded by cars all the time. Fixin' 'em and cleanin' 'em. It'll be great! And I'm sure Mr. Singer and Mr. Turner will let you visit me at work, they're pretty cool."

"Will Sam and Adam be all right by themselves?"

"Sammy can take care of himself all right, and they're pretty flexible with their schedules, so I gave them days and times that I can and can't work. The days that Adam's around I asked not to work, and the longest times that I work are only till right before dinner, so I could get home in time to fix Sammy something. I've got it all figured out...but would you, uh, mind checking on Sam once in a while while I'm gone?"

Castiel smiled, expecting this. He would have been more surprised if Dean hadn't asked him to do that. Dean couldn't hide his uneasiness from Castiel. He was most likely saying that Sam would be all right home alone for himself to hear, but it obviously still didn't settle anything. "Of course I will."

"Awesome." Dean flashed a grin, "It'll be great, Cas. You can stop by and I'll show you all the cars they've got in the garage, and you can bring Sammy along too. Even though he's not all that interested in cars."

"I'm sure he'd still like to see you working." said Castiel.

Dean merely bobbed his head, smiling ahead of them. They went back to silence, enjoying each others company, and the cool shade from the trees that hid them from the blistering sun.

"So--um," Dean brought his free hand up to scratch the back of his head, "you know...last night. How did you like what we did then?"

Castiel beamed, his chest swelling with joy with Dean attempting to talk about their relationship this way. He couldn't stop the smile from spreading on his face, and to express his gratitude he squeezed his hand tightly, "I liked it a lot," he replied, "the touching was...very nice."

"Yeah?" Deans ears were turning pink, "I liked that too."

"You know when we can do that again?"

Dean chuckled awkwardly, "We'll find a time. We still have a month together...there's gonna be more times like that one. I promise, Cas."

"A month." He repeated, the word feeling like a wad of cotton on his tongue. The word seemed to always be coming back to haunt him.

A month from now he would be leaving Louisiana and all his friends behind. He couldn't possibly imagine himself returning to his old life in Illinois, how could things be the same back home? It wouldn't be. There wouldn't be Dean there.

They were nearly to Bennys house when they realized how long they had been gone, and began to hurry back to the Shurleys. Castiel was deathly afraid of getting in trouble once again right after he had  _just_  gotten ungrounded, but when they walked through the front door, no one seemed to had noticed they were gone.

Uncle Joshua had left, and Chuck was cooking what smelled like cookies in the kitchen with Samandriel and Adam standing on chairs next to the counter, eyeing the bowl full of cookie dough hungrily.

Sam and Gabriel were still in the living room playing video games, but now Lucifer had joined them and was shouting at them every once in awhile to screw them up. He did this just as Dean and Castiel entered the room to join as well, and Gabriel jumped, making his Wario fall off of Rainbow Road.

"God--Mother--Frick--" Gabriel sputtered clenching the remote tightly in his grip, "Lucifer! Stop screwing me up!"

"It's your fault for choosing Rainbow Road." he retorted.

"I was in third place this round! I woulda made it!"

"Can't we play Mortal Combat now?" Sam asked, "we've done this level like a million times already."

"Yeah, we can play." said Gabriel hopping up to change the games and plug in the PlayStation. "Be prepared to get your ass kicked though."

"No way," said Sam, "I won't take mercy on your lame-oh, hey, Dean. You and Cas wanna play?"

"We can wait our turn." said Castiel, taking a seat on the floor with Dean next to him.

They watched Gabriel and Sam play against each other for a while. Anna and Micheal even came downstairs to join, and once the cookies were done Samandriel and Adam eagerly served them all two, each sporting evidence of eating the dough on their faces. They all took turns playing until Dean noticed how late it was getting.

"Shit--I mean--crap--" he said, looking to Adam who perked up when he heard him swear, "we gotta get going, guys. I've gotta make dinner for Dad."

"Okay," said Adam, looking a bit sad that they had to leave now. He leaned over the chair he and Samandriel were sharing and hugged him tightly, "G'bye, Alfie. See you later."

"Bye, Adam."

Gabriel made a distressed noise and clutched his chest dramatically, his brown eyes going wide and soft, "Thats almost cute enough to melt my heart."

Sam rolled his eyes at him, getting up from the couch and shoving his shoulder as a way of saying goodbye, "Later, Gabriel. Bye, Cas."

"Goodbye, Sam. Goodbye, Adam. Bye, Dean."

"Text ya later, Cas." Dean smirked at him, taking Adams hand, and shooting him a wink before disappearing behind the wall and eventually walking outside to the Impala parked in the driveway.

Anna took Sams place on the couch next to Gabriel, swiping the controller and challenging her brother to a match in Mortal Combat. The two immediately became distracted by their game, with Micheal and Lucifer making bets on who would win, and Castiel slinked away upstairs before anyone could ask him about the hickey again.

XxX

He took a shower that night, rubbing off the ugly yellow make-up that had been smudged on his skin all day. He still wondered how his father hadn't noticed something was off, but then again, he seemed to be succeeding in avoiding his father as he had planned on doing that day. He hoped that the bruise would be a little more faded by tomorrow.

He walked out of the shower with his robe tied around his waist and a fresh towel to dry his hair. He could still hear his family downstairs in the living room, they were all cheering for Anna to beat Gabriel, and Gabriel barked at them, "You're all traitors! You're no family of mine!" while Samandriels giggles echoed up the stairs and filled the house with light.

Castiel decided he would maybe join them again once he was dressed. Depending on how noticeable his hickey was now.

As he entered his bedroom he was just able to catch the buzz of his cellphone going off on the side table next to his bed. It had been left up here all day since he had gotten home, neglected and forgotten by Castiel.

He went to swipe it off the table, still drying off his hair with the towel pressed to his scalp. He let the towel lay across his shoulders as he turned on his phone to the home screen to see what Dean had messaged him about.

There were two notifications. One had apparently been a phone call from a few hours previous, while Castiel was separated from his cell. They had also left a voice mail for him. The other one of course had been a text from Dean, but the other was from a number that wasn't saved into his contacts, he didn't even recognize it as one he's seen before.

He decided he might as well have a listen to it. They obviously had intentions of calling him, as his voice mail said his name in his own voice, so it wasn't as though they had dialed the wrong number by mistake and left a voice mail for someone else's ears.

He pressed play and held the phone up to his ear.

He wished someone would have told him who was on the other line of that phone, because then at least he could have prepared himself. He would have been expecting it. For the voice that twittered off the receiver flowed into his ear like tingling acid radiating off of toxic waste. His phone nearly slid right out of his hand when he heard it, his brain completely emptied itself of any thought, merely having the words bounce around in his skull without any meaning to them until they hit his heart with the force of a school bus. His lungs drew in on themselves, refusing to accept any fresh air inside of them, having him stand there with his mouth curved open.

" _Hello, Castiel, it's mommy_..."


	19. Bonfires and Ghost Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, my dad doesn't know. He still doesn't know that she had called Gabriel before either, so he's fine. And, it's okay, guys, really," he told them, flashing everyone a toothy smile, "I'm having fun here."
> 
> Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss to Castiels cheek that had warm tingles spread all over his body. He leaned his face against the side of Castiels for a moment until the others began to groan in agony.
> 
> "Can you two please stop being perfect for five seconds," said Balthazar, "it's seriously insulting to those of us who can't get a date if their life depended on it."

He stood still in the spot he had frozen in until his feet felt almost numb. He couldn't even bring himself to tremble he was so stiff. The voice mail had long ended, but he was still playing it over and over again in his mind.

"Hello, Castiel, it's mommy. I was hoping you'd answer, but you must be off playing with all those new friends of yours Gabriel told me about. I wanted to call you sooner, but I've been so busy. I miss you so much, Cassie. Please call me back soon, I'd love to hear your voice. Goodbye."

It was so short but the words were strung out in a way that felt like an eternity.

He found himself sitting on his mattress, staring down at his blank phone screen clasped in his hands, and unsure of how he had ended up this way. The sounds of his family downstairs were merely dull white noise now.

His chest was stinging painfully the more he thought about it. It was difficult to not think about it. She had reached out to him finally and was expecting a call back, and Castiel wasn't even sure if he  _wanted_ to call her back. Half of him of course wanted to make the call; he had so many questions. He wanted to find out where she was and why she left them all. Most importantly he wanted to know why it had taken her this long. The other half of him didn't even want to get the answers. What if her responses weren't what he wanted to hear and only ruined his summer? He was scared to find out the whole truth. It was going to kill him if he didn't find out though.

Castiel didn't know what he wanted.

He hardly noticed the green box lighting up on his cellphone, but when it did it brought him out of the labyrinth he had caught himself into. Dean's name was flashing on the screen now, a preview of the message typed out for him to see. A hey, and a smiley emoticon. And then the one he just sent now was a;  _You there Cas?_

He fell onto his side, his head hitting the pillow as he held his phone out in front of him, staring at the message and the letters that showed up for him to type a response.

'Hello, Dean.'

He sent.

Deans reply came back quickly.

'Whats up?'

'Nothing.'

'Everything okay?'

Cas could now feel the pinpricks of tears beginning to form behind his eyes the longer he stared at the message. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, begging himself not to cry.

Dean sent another message.

'You're being kinda short with me. Is something wrong?'

'...Yes.'

'What is it?'

'My mom called me.'

Dean called him not long after that. "She called you?" He was babbling, "She  _actually_ called you? After all this time?"

"Yes." Castiel tried to make his voice not wobble.

"What did she say? Did you talk to her?"

"No-not really. I just got the voice mail. She wants me to call her back."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know."

There was a heavy silence between the two for a while, the only sound that Castiel could hear was his own sniffing, and he tried to muffle that by hiding his face into his pillow, biting hard on his bottom lip.

"Cas," Deans voice said softly in his ear, "are you okay?"

"Not really." He choked.

"Hey, don't cry," Dean said, "c'mon, man, don't cry. It's all right, Cas."

"I just..." he sputtered, "I miss her...but I...I can't-"

"I know...I'm...I'm sorry, Cas. I don't know what to say. I'm just really sorry."

"It's okay," he mumbled into the pillow, "...I don't know what to do, Dean."

"I'll tell you what to do," he said, "I know what'll cheer you up and get your mind off your mom. Tomorrow we'll have a bonfire at Bennys okay?"

"A sleepover?"  
"Yeah, buddy, a sleep over."  
"Can Balthazar come?"  
"'Course. We can invite Balthazar. I'll even bring Sammy. Is that cool?"

"Yes," Castiel smiled softly, rubbing his nose with the side of his wrist, "that sounds wonderful."

"Awesome." Dean was grinning on the other end of the line. "You know I care about you alot, right, Cas?"

"I know. I care about you a lot too, Dean...but I just spent the night at your house last night. I don't know if my dad--"

"Ask him anyway."

There was some chatter in the background, and it sounded like Bones was barking. He could detect Sams voice, but was unable to hear what he was saying exactly. Same for John Winchesters voice.

"Hey, Cas, I better go," Dean said suddenly, "but I'll text you, okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye, Cas."  
"Goodbye."

The line clicked dead. Castiel felt slightly empty now, without the presence of a soothing voice to comfort him. He let his phone lay face down next to him before turning over away from it to focus on the fading paint on his bedroom wall. He wanted more than anything than to grab his stuffed bumblebee and tuck it under his arm to press it next to his heart while crying. But, his stuffed bumblebee was still at home in Illinois, and he was here feeling very lonely on his mattress.

He lay there until the room got dark around him, and he was surrounded by shadows. His eyes were tired and dry from crying to himself, and he wanted to drift off to sleep and forget about this day as soon as possible. He didn't put the factor of his brother Gabriel, however.

'"Cas, hey," Gabriel said loudly, throwing open the door, "you want some dinner, squirt?"

"Not hungry." He mumbled.

"Dad made your fave," he bribed, "cheeseburgers and french fries."

Castiel merely moved his blanket up over his shoulder, choosing to ignore his brother and go to sleep. Gabriel had other plans.

"Everything okay, bro?"

"Just tired." He lied.

"You sure?" Castiel heard Gabriels footsteps cross the room and his body sink into the mattress by his feet. "I thought we were trying not to keep secrets from each other anymore..."

"It's nothing." Castiel deadpanned, wishing Gabriel would just leave already. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell his brother, he just didn't want to tell him  _now._  He just felt so tired and worn out, all he wanted to do was sleep.

Gabriel sort of huffed under his breath, and then sat in silence for a mere five seconds. "Is it Dean?"

Castiel didn't have to act surprised when he answered, "What? No!" He turned on his side, to look at his brothers face over his shoulder.

"You didn't like...have a fight or anything?"

"No." He frowned, "It has nothing to do with Dean."

"Thats a relief." Gabriel sighed with the air of sarcasm, making Castiel furrow his eyebrows even more.

"What does that mean?"

"...Forget it. Just tell me whats bothering you."  
"I don't want to."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I'm too tired."

"Oh, cut the crap, Cas," Gabe snorted, "I've known you since day one, I can tell when theres a stick up your ass. So whats the problemo? Is it really that horrible that you can't tell your dear older brother?"

Castiel glared at him for a few moments before finally caving. He let his face plow into his pillow, and he talked into it, "Mom called me."

"What was that?"

Now he wished that Gabriel would have heard the first time just so he wouldn't feel the sting in his chest again. "Mom called me." He repeated, louder this time.

"What." Gabriel said, sounding sort of like a deflated balloon.

"She called me, okay?" Castiel picked his head up, speaking quickly so the tears wouldn't roll down his face again, "She left me a voice mail and she wants me to call her back and I don't know if I want to and all I want is to be left alone and sleep so can you please leave."

"Cas--"

"I don't want to talk right now, please," he stared hard at the wall in front of him, refusing to look at his brother, "please. Can we talk about it tomorrow."

"Okay. Yeah. We'll talk tomorrow." Gabriels voice sounded so hallow and worried, it almost made Castiel want to turn around and grab his wrist to apologize and tell him to stay. He sat up on his elbows to call his brother back, to simply stay and keep him company, but the door was already closing shut.

Castiel felt emptier than ever. He fell asleep soon after.

XxX

The next morning Castiel woke up with his phone still laying beside him. He checked it to see he had some missed text messages from Dean, and decided he would answer them a bit later once he had fully woken up.

Samandriels bed was empty, but Gabriel was still occupying his. He was turned facing Castiel, with his hand curved into a small fist in front of his mouth. His hair was sticking up from his usual tossing and turning all night, and his headphones were clamped onto his ears, the cord trailing down to the IPod cupped in Gabriels other hand, close to his chest. Castiel could hear a muffled soft beat of music thumping from them.

He was half glad that Gabriel wasn't awake yet, but the other half of him wanted someone to talk to.

Castiel slid out of bed, rubbing he eyes as he scrolled through Deans text messages that he had slept through. They made him smile as he walked down the stairs.

'Hey Cas I hope youre okay'

'I called Benny and he said that its cool if we come over tomorrow and have a bonfire'

'I already invited Balthazar too and Sammy is really excited'

'Benny said that we can sleep outside in his tents too if we want'

'Youre probably sleeping so Ill let ya sleep okay? Night Cas I hope you feel better'

As he slid onto a stool in the kitchen, Anna was pouring milk into a cereal bowl on the island counter, and Micheal was shuffling through the cupboards. Anna was the one who noticed her younger brothers sweet, giddy smiles, and she smirked, "Who are you talking to, little bro?"

"No one." He said, placing his palm on top of his mouth to hide the smile.

"Is it the girl from the other night?" Snickered Micheal softly, making Castiels smile vanish for real.

"No."

"Why can't you just tell us already, Castiel?" Anna whined, "You're killin' us!"

"There wasn't a girl!" He pressed, his eyes locked on his phone as he typed out a reply to Dean.

 'Thank you, Dean' he said, attempting to ignore his siblings, 'I'm excited for tonight. I've never slept in a tent before _.'_

"Are you trying to tell us that the wind gave it to you?" said Micheal.

Castiel looked up to glare at them through squinted eyes, "I've already told you it's not a hickey. I don't know why you keep bringing it up."

"Because," Anna said matter-of-factually, leaning on the counter with her elbows, "it's not everyday your prude of a little brother gets a hickey on his neck."

"I'm not a prude!" Castiel blushed, "an-and it's not a hickey!"

"You're not a prude, eh?" Anna gave Micheal a wicked sideways glance, "Does that mean-"

Castiel blushed more, and Micheal started laughing, "No!" He snapped before his sister could finish her sentence.

"So you  _are_ a prude?" Said Micheal, arching an eyebrow.

Castiel frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, "I'm not talking about this any longer."

"You guys are still trying to get it outta him?" Lucifer swaggered into the kitchen, sporting a devilish, lopsided smirk.

"He's still claiming it isn't a hickey." sighed Micheal.

"Because it isn't!"

"Just tell us who you were texting then," said Anna, "whose got you smiling like that?"

"Nobody." He lied.

The three of them all groaned and rolled their eyes, getting quickly annoyed with this dead-end conversation Castiel was having with them. They weren't about to let it go, though. Cas knew his siblings better than that. They were bound to keep this up for the rest of the week, and in order to prepare himself for the storm that would be coming, he got up off the stool and removed himself from the kitchen.

"C'mon, Cassie," Lucifer called after him, "come back!"

"We won't tease you anymore!" Added Micheal.

"Well, I still might." Said Anna.

Castiel huffed under his breath as he returned to his room upstairs, ignoring Samandriel when he asked him to join him to play with his action figures on the rug in the living room. He walked back into the bedroom to find Gabriel sitting up with his wrist rubbing at his eyelid, and his headphones dangling around his neck, the music finally shut off.

"Oh," Castiel greeted, "you're awake."

"Hardly." He grumbled, his eyes squinted half shut as he rolled back into bed. Castiel smiled at him and rolled his eyes before going to sit on his own bed and play on his phone until Dean responded to his text message. It was still fairly early and Dean was most likely was sleeping.

"Hey..." Gabriel croaked.

"Hmm...?" Castiels heart jumped.

"You wanna talk about mom now?"

He sighed, setting his phone down on his chest and turning his head to look at his brother. "Ready as I'll ever be, I suppose."

"What did she say?"

"I can play you the voice mail..." Cas picked his phone back up and went to his mailbox to play the recording. Her voice filled the room, but made his gut feel empty. Gabriels expression remained neutral the entire time he listened.

When it ended, he asked, "So, you gonna call her?"

"I don't know. I kinda want to. I want to ask her some things..."

"Yeah, well, don't forget to give her a big 'fuck you' from me."

"Gabriel," Castiel retorted, a little taken aback, "she's still our mother."

Gabriel let out a fake laugh that sort of sounded more like a cough, "Not to me she's not."

"She hasn't left you any messages?"  
"Nope. Haven't talked to her since last time. And as far as I know she hasn't tried to talk to Anna, Luce, or Mike."  
"Did you tell anyone else that she called you?"  
"Only Lucifer. So he's on edge now. He thought she was gonna call him next, because you know, she called me first. He figured she was going to call the kids she treated like crap first and get us outta the way."

Castiel nodded slowly, looking up to the ceiling now.

Gabriel interrupted the silence, "Cas, do you really...still even like her? Even after all of this?"

His sigh was hallow and drawn out, focusing on picking at his fingernails before answering. "To be honest, the more I learn about what went on in our house the less I do. I feel so stupid sometimes, for not knowing."

"Hmm...yeah." said Gabriel, "You are pretty stupid."

"Oh, shut up." Castiel couldn't fight off the smirk tugging at his mouth.

"But I forgive you, squirt." Gabriel sat up on his elbows, smiling crookedly, "Because the older you're gettin' the more you're growing into your rebellious side. I still can't fathom you having that hickey though."

Castiel threw a pillow right into his face. "It's not a hickey!"

XxX

When Castiel nervously asked his father if he could spend time with his friends again that night, his answer was what Cas had been expecting.

"You just saw Dean yesterday. Can't we have you home for two seconds? Geesh."

"I know, I know," he twisted his hands, "but I haven't seen Benny and Balthazar in a while! Can't I go, Dad? I'll stay home all day tomorrow I promise."

"We're going to the aquarium tomorrow." He reminded, "This is supposed to be a  _family_  vacation, you remember that, Castiel?"

"Yes, yes, I know," he sighed, "I'll be home by then! Aunt Rachel is letting Balthazar go!"

Chuck shook his head, "You're sounding more and more like your brothers every day. You think I haven't heard those lines a million times before?"

Castiels heart sank slightly with the sense of defeat and the dread of having to tell Dean that he won't be able to come to the bonfire he had organized specifically for Cas. But, just as he was about to accept this fact, his father ruffled his hair and smiled kindly.

"You can go."

"What?" Castiel mouthed in surprise.

"You haven't gotten to see your friends in a while due to your grounding. You can hang out with them tonight, but I expect you to stay home the next couple of days, got it?"

Castiel nodded happily, "I will, Dad. Thank you." Spinning on his heel to organize when Dean would come and pick him up, his heart bubbling with excitement.

XxX

"Castiel," Micheal called up the staircase later that night, "Sam and Dean are here!"

"Coming!" He shouted back, collecting his things and hurrying down the stairs. Everyone was already gathered in the living room, and Mr. Shurley was chatting with Sam and Dean in the foyer. When Dean met his eyes he flashed him a toothy, breathtaking, grin, and it made Castiel smile back.

"You have everything?" Chuck asked.

Castiel nodded. "I double checked."

"Thats my boy," He ruffled his sons already messy hair, "let me know when you're on your way home tomorrow."

"I will," Castiel raised a hand in goodbye as Dean shuffled to lead them out the door, "Goodbye, Dad."

"Goodbye, Mr. Shurley," said Dean.

"Bye, boys. Be good, Castiel."

"I will." He promised before stepping outside on the porch. He gave one last wave to his father before shutting the door and following Dean to the Impala. He slid into the passengers side, making Sam give up his spot again.

When they pulled out of the driveway Dean laced his fingers through Castiels and leaned over to press a quick kiss to his cheek. "I missed you." He said softly, making Castiel blush, and try to hide his face.

Sam made a gagging noise in the backseat, "You just saw him yesterday!"

"Be quiet, Sam," Dean scolded, "you'll understand when you get a girlfriend one day."

"Gross!" Sam stuck out his tongue. "Cas, how can you stand kissing  _that_ all the time?"

Castiel turned to look at Sam in the backseat, "What do you mean?"

"I mean--like--it's  _Dean_! He's disgusting."

"Hey!" Dean barked.

"Don't pretend it isn't true! I have to live with you, you know!" Sam then turned back to Castiel and said, "The other day I saw him use a fork to scratch his back, and then he put it back in the drawer! He also couldn't find his toothbrush so he brushed his teeth with his finger,  _and_  last night, he sat on my head and farted on me!"

Castiel giggled and shrugged, looking to Dean with admiration, "I don't think hes gross." He then leaned over and returned the peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, Cas." said Dean.

"Of course, Dean."

Sam pretended to gag again. "Why'd you invite me along. All you're gonna do is make out with Cas."

"Oh, Sam, that's not true." said Castiel.

"Well, it's kinda true." said Dean before Castiel turned to glare at him. "What? I said it was  _kinda_ true! Listen, Sammy, I know you're just bitchin' because you don't wanna hang out with Benny, but I didn't force you to come. I told you this night was for Cas, and he wanted you to come."

Sam drew his eyes away from the window he had been glaring out of to look up at Castiel, asking softly, "You did?"

"Of course I did," he replied, "you're my friend, aren't you?"

Sam smirked down at his hands and rolled his shoulder, "Okay." He said, "Thanks for inviting me...but, why is this night for Castiel, again?"

Dean took a quick side glance to Cas, unsure if it was all right to tell his brother the truth. Castiel didn't say anything, his brain distracted by the sinking in his stomach. "He just had a bad night last night is all."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Cas."  
"It's all right. I'm sure tonight will make up for it."

When they arrived at Bennys place the same sleeping cats were still napping in the same places on the porch. Except this time when they walked up the steps, they meowed in greeting and one even got up to bump its head against Castiels leg.

"Balthazar stay away from the wine!" Benny bellowed from inside once Dean swung the door open.

"I wasn't touching it, I swear!" Castiels cousin defended.

"I saw you, Zar," said Benny, "and I swear to gawd if you touch one drop of my mothers wine I'll chop off your fingers."

They walked into the kitchen to see Balthazar standing by the doorway to the cellar with his hands up and his eyes wide at Benny. When he saw the others he flashed a smile and said, "Oh, good! Witnesses!"

Benny looked over his shoulder, "Hey, Angel face! Long time no see!" He seemed to have forgotten about Balthazar, and swaggered over to the new guests to clap Castiel hard on the back.

Castiel felt as though Benny had hit the wind out of his lungs. "Hello, Benny."

"Did you order the food yet?" Dean asked.

"Yep. It's on it's way. Then I'll get the fire goin'."

"Can I help start the fire?" Sam asked.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows at his younger brother, "Hell no."

"Wanna go set up the tents?" Benny hitched his thumb over his shoulder.

"I'll go. Cas?"

Sam frowned, and as a way to get back at Dean, tugged on Castiels arm and asked, "Cas, let's play Uno."

"Sure," he agreed, turning back to Benny and Dean and rolling his shoulders, "sorry. Guess I'm playing Uno with Sam."

"All right, then," Dean gave a shady glance at Sam, and then asked Balthazar if he wanted to help with the tents.

Balthazar was now sitting tipped back in the chair at the kitchen table, and shot a glare Deans way, "How dare you even ask me that question." he huffed.

"Sorry," said Dean, "I forgot, you're against any kind of labor."

Balthazar snapped his fingers at him the same way Gabriel did, "Damn right."

Cas sat down at the kitchen table with his cousin while Sam went to get the cards. Cas noticed that it seemed as though Sam spent as much time here as his brother did. Which he thought was odd, given that Sam's dislike for Benny was quite obvious 98% of the time.

It was clear that Sam was irritated with his brother and was getting back at him by hogging his boyfriend, but neither Dean nor Cas seemed to mind their distance from each other. As long as they knew where the other was there wasn't a problem. Balthazar decided to join in their game as well, and by the time Dean and Benny were finished putting up the tents the pizza had arrived.

The three gave their game a break in order to eat, and by now it seemed as though Sam had forgiven his brother, for now he was bragging to him about how he beat Balthazar and Castiel three times in a row.

It was dark out now, and Benny took them down to the fire pit in his backyard. Where lawn chairs were sitting in a circle around it. They watched Benny struggle to start the fire for a few minutes, and cracked jokes with every failure until finally it roared to life, and he was able to sit back and appreciate it with his friends.

They were sitting huddled around the fire. Its flames licking at the darkness surrounding them. Gray smoke clouded the air and swirled around in a dance towards the treetops until it faded away. Stars did their best to shine brightly, begging to be noticed by the boys below them. But their beauty was nothing compared to the dancing bright flowers cackling with the wood. Warmth both from the bonfire and friendly joyous laughter pinked their cheeks and kept their toes from freezing.

Castiel sat very close to Dean. Their arms and thighs hands locked together and resting on the part of their laps where their legs met.

Balthazar twirled a marshmallow in the fire, as Benny opened up another wrapper of Hershey chocolate bars. Sam was shooting him glares across the fire, sitting bitterly in his folding chair, his back bent, leaning forward and his elbows propped on his knees in order to stick his marshmallow in the fire.

"We're not going to have any chocolate left if Benny keeps eating it all, you know." He remarked over the snapping fire.

"I don't like the marshmallows." Benny replied thickly, sucking on his thumb to get rid of some smear of chocolate.

Balthazar was the one to finally swipe the package away from him, stuffing it on the ground next to the graham crackers for safe keeping. "Who put you in charge of the chocolate anyway?" he snapped, "What did you expect us to eat, just marshmallow and crackers?"

Benny shrugged his shoulders innocently, "Well...yeah. Whats wrong with that?"

Dean reached over In order for his stick to reach far enough to hit Benny in the back of the head. "You pig."

"What'd I do?" He retorted thickly, rubbing the part of his head that smarted.

"This night is for  _Cas_ , asshat," said Dean.

"Well, what for?" spat Benny, "You wouldn't tell me over the phone! How am I supposed to know what kinda drama you and your boyfriend are going through when you won't tell me?"

"Why did we need to come here tonight, Cassie?" Balthazar asked, slower and gently, meeting his cousins eyes across the fire. "Did something happen?"

Deans grip tightened around Castiels hand as reassurance that he didn't need to tell them if he didn't want to. But Castiel couldn't hide this particular secret from his cousin. Balthazar always wanted to know about any updates about Mrs. Shurley. He was calling practically everyday for two months after she left just to check in on everyone. Balthazar would want to know about this.

"My mom called me yesterday. I wasn't around to answer it at the time, so she left me a voice mail so I could call her back when I could. Dean organized all this tonight to get my mind off of it..."

The air was steady and quiet, with only the smooth cracks of the fire to keep it from being completely silent.

"I'm sorry I brought it up, brother..." Benny mumbled, his eyes now shamefully looking towards the ground, as he twisted his stick in his hands.

Balthazar was now on the edge of his seat with round worried eyes, "Does Uncle Chuck know? Is he all right?"

"No, my dad doesn't know. He still doesn't know that she had called Gabriel before either, so he's fine. And, it's okay, guys, really," he told them, flashing everyone a toothy smile, "I'm having fun here."

Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss to Castiels cheek that had warm tingles spread all over his body. He leaned his face against the side of Castiels for a moment until the others began to groan in agony.

"Can you two  _please_ stop being perfect for five seconds," said Balthazar, "it's seriously insulting to those of us who can't get a date if their life depended on it."

"Not to mention disturbing." Sam teased through cracked fingers that he used to hide his face.

"It's super gross," Benny added, the corner of his mouth jutting up in a smirk, "especially when Cas gets that look on his face every time Dean kisses him. You know the face, 'Zar?"

Balthazar pretended to wince, "Ugh. It's too cute. I'll throw up."

Dean chuckled, releasing his grip from Castiels hand in order to throw his arm around his shoulder and tuck him against his chest. "Sorry," he said, "Castiel can't help it."

"Please," Castiels voice was muffled by Deans shirt, as he struggled to pull himself away, "you're the cute one."

" _Ooooo_ ," Benny cooed teasingly, as Deans cheeks turned scarlet in the light of the fire, his freckles standing out more than ever. Castiel grinned at himself, taking in the pride of making Dean blush.

"Deans not cute, he's hideous." giggled Sam.

"To me he is." said Castiel, bringing up his hand to brush his fingers lightly over Deans cheek.

"Cut that out!" said Balthazar, "Thats sappy even for me."

Castiel and Dean giggled. "Sorry."

"Okay, but for real though," Benny held up a hand as though to quiet them all, "I've gotta question that's been bugging me for a while...so...whose the pitcher and whose the catcher?"

Balthazar and Dean both rolled their eyes and made an annoyed grunt.

"C'mon, man,"

"That's my baby cousin you're talking about!"

"I was only curious!" Benny defended, "Can you blame me, I wanted to know!"

"What does that mean?" Sam frowned.

Castiel nodded, adding slowly, "Yeah, whats a pitcher and a catcher?" Dean turned to look at Castiel with a blank face. "We haven't been playing any baseball, Dean."

Balthazar, Dean, and Benny erupted into laughter.

"What?" Cas frowned.

"Whats so funny?" Sam squeaked.

"I'll tell you later," Dean choked out, waving his hand in the air to bat their questions away as he collected himself.

"Oh, Cassie," Balthazar brushed some tears away with a finger, "that was the most innocent thing I've ever heard."

"What does it mean?" He pouted.

"It's not important,Cas, I promise." Dean said, still snickering as he pressed a kiss to Castiels forehead, and the laughter died down until they were sitting and enjoying the silence again.

They snacked on s'mores just as much as they purposely lit the marshmallows on fire. They even had a contest to see whose marshmallow would fall off the stick last, and they were shouting encouragements to their burnt marshmallows, saying "hang in there!" and "Don't fall off just yet! Bennys just hanging on a thread now!" and it ended with exploding laughter every time until it hurt Castiels sides and he thought his lungs would explode.

But after this, they seemed to be running out of things to do. The fire was dying down now, and the chocolate was almost gone.

Balthazar stretched lazily and slumped back against his chair, "Anyone ready for bed?"

Castiel raised his hand tiredly, "Here, here."

"Don't go to bed yet!" Said Benny, "We haven't told any ghost stories!"

"Thats 'cause your ghost stories suck." Dean rolled his eyes.

"You can't have a bonfire and not tell a ghost story, Deano. I'll go get more wood!" Benny hopped up and disappeared into the darkness when he ran off into the shadowy place that the light from the fire didn't reach. He returned with a few logs in his hands and dumped them into the pit, breaking any wood that had been on the verge of splitting and sending embers into the air like confetti.

He pushed the wood around with a shovel until the flames ate at the fresh wood and slowly became alive once more. Benny sat back in his chair happily, and cracked his knuckles.

"All right, then," Balthazar said, "whats the story this time? Big Foot? Vampires? Werewolves? Have at it."

"Have you ever heard the story of the goatman?"

"Goatman?" Sam squeaked.

"Ah, Benny, not the goatman again," Deans head fell back and hung over the chair. "I'll listen to any other story you got, just not the friggin--"

"I'm telling you he's real!"

"He's not real you blubbering oaf," Balthazar rolled his eyes, "you've been reading too many creepypastas again."

"But I saw him!" Benny insisted.

Dean groaned and shook his head, putting a marshmallow and chocolate piece between graham cracker and handing it off to Castiel.

"Whats the goatman?" Cas asked, taking a bite of the s'more and having marshmallow ooze out onto his fingers.

"Don't get him started." warned Dean.

"I'll tell you about the goatman, brother," Benny grinned, the light of the fire making his face glow and his eyes spark. Balthazar and Dean groaned again. "The goatman is a Native American legend. They usually have the head of a goat and the body of a man, but they tend to shape shift into any kind of human form, and walk among us. They could look like anyone, you're teacher, you're friends, that homeless guy on the street. The legend says if you take their bones or a photograph of them, they'll follow you home and wait till you leave, and they'll ransack you're home until they find what you took from them."

"What do they want?" Sam asked quietly, his eyes bugging out of his head and his limbs curled up in the chair with him.

"To eat you." said Benny. "Now, you can usually tell if the goatman is around because they've got this horrid smell, like it smells like someone is cooking blood on a hotplate. The first story I heard about the goatman was from my older sister, she said that once a friend of hers went out camping with her cousins and some friends, and while they were around the campfire at night they started to smell this really bad smell, and some of the guys wanted to go see if there was some dead animal around. So they took a flashlight and started to walk into the woods, and when they came back they were running and screaming for everyone to get into the trailer. They said that they saw someone on the path, and one of them had called out to him to get his attention, but the guy didn't move. They couldn't see his face 'cause his back was facin' 'em. So they kept going down the path and a few seconds later the guy was in front of them, and by now they were pissing themselves because how the hell could that guy get in front of them so fast without making a sound? So they booked it back to the campsite and locked everyone inside the trailer until morning."

"So they saw some creepy guy in the woods," said Balthazar, "probably some crack addict."

"Let me finish, will ya? Anyway, so they're getting ready to go to sleep right? And my sisters friend saw someone come out of the bathroom, and she was trying to think of who it was. They just got outta the bathroom and laid down on the ground and went to sleep. She didn't really know a lot of the people there because some of them were her cousins friends and not her own, ya know? But she knew how many people had come. There was five of them altogether, and when she counted all their heads...there was six."

"Did the goatman get them?" Sam whispered, as though he was afraid the monster would hear him.

"No. He was gone by the time they went home the next day, but my sisters friend said that she couldn't help but feel like something was following them."

"Whatta load of--"

"Will you let me finish?" Benny interrupted Dean, holding up a hand, "Now, I didn't believe it at first either. Until I saw him myself. It was about...two summers ago now maybe? I was coming home from fishing all day, and it was getting dark out. I was taking the short cut to my house through the woods," He pointed behind him, "and I got this whiff of something nasty. I thought it was a dead animal around or something, so I just brushed it off and kept walking, but it seemed like the smell just kept getting stronger. I was nearly to my house by the time it was completely dark, and thats when I saw him. He was standing there in between the trees, with these bright red eyes. Head of a goat, and body of a man. I didn't stay around long, I booked it home and locked the door behind me, I coulda sworn I heard him chasing me. I wouldn't even look out my window for about a week after that."

"Was that true?" Sam asked.

"I may be a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them, Sammy."

"Hey, Benny, you seem to be forgetting some vital information there," said Dean with a smirk on his face, "weren't you, uh, smoking something down at that lake there?"

Balthazar laughed into his hand as Benny frowned at his friend across the fire. "I saw the goatman I'm tellin' ya!"

"Didn't you say that talking about it is bad luck, Benjamin?" Asked Balthazar, "You just cursed yourself by telling this story."

He folded his arms across his chest, "Thats a sacrifice I'm willing to make for Sam and Angel-face here. Now they know the story, and they believe me. Right, fellas?"

Castiel knew better than to believe in a monster story, but it was difficult to tell yourself that monsters weren't real when you were sitting in the dark surrounded by woods with the flickering fire as your only source of safety. He clutched tighter to Deans hand and burrowed himself into his side. "I'm too old to believe in monsters." he told them.

"I believe you, Benny." said Sam.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Sammy." Said Dean.

"It was probably a deer you saw." Balthazar blew on the marshmallow that had caught on fire on the edge of his stick.

"I know what I saw." Benny grumbled.

"Well, Sams sleeping in your tent tonight so have fun with that," said Dean, "he's going to wet his sleeping bag now."

"No I won't!" Sam huffed.

"Well," Balthazar stood up and cracked his back, "I'm going to bed. Cassie and I have to be ready for the aquarium tomorrow. Sam, if you pee in our tent I'll feed you  _and_ Benny to the goatman myself."

"Wait up, Balthazar!" Sam whined, hurrying to his feet and chasing after him to his tent.

Dean stood up and lent Castiel his hand. "You two going to bed too?" Benny asked.

"Yeah."

"Like Balthazar said, we're going to the aquarium tomorrow with out family," Castiel explained, "We can't stay up too late."

"Ah. All right. You two better not screw around in my tent, though," Benny called after them, "I'll be able to hear, ya know!"

"Oh, yeah?" Dean joked, "And what will you do about it? Tell the goatman?"

Him and Castiel giggled on the way to their tent with Benny bragging behind them about how he now had all the chocolate to himself, and added a few more comments about what Dean and Castiel would do in their tent.

"Come to bed already, you idiot!" Balthazar shouted at him, leaning out of their tent, "before I come over there and toss you into the fire!" Benny wasn't heard from the rest of the night.

Upon crawling into the tent, Castiel noticed that there was only one sleeping bag. He looked to Dean, puzzled, "You told me that I wouldn't need to bring one."

"I know." said Dean.

"But theres only one."  
"I know, Cas."  
"Then how--"  
"We're gonna share it, stupid."  
" _Ohhhhh_..."

Dean snickered at him and pecked his cheek before going over to the sleeping bag and unzipping it, he crawled into it first, and then held out his arms for Castiel. He rolled his eyes and crawled in next to him, zipping it back up before settling next to Dean.

"It's a bit cramped." Said Castiel.

"Yeah...this was a lot more romantic in my head."

They snickered quietly, and Castiel wrapped his fingers around Deans pendent again. He didn't realize how tired he was until now, his brain was foggy and his eyes were begging for sleep. He rested his head on his arm that was tucked under him, and sighed dreamily. Dean pressed a kiss to his mouth, and whispered, "You're not really tired, are ya?"

Castiel opened one eye, "As a matter of fact, I am. Why?"

"Because..." Deans finger traced circles into his back, and slowly smoothed down towards Castiels bottom and thighs. "I kinda...didn't wanna sleep just yet." He went to kiss Castiel again, and Cas hummed against his mouth. When they parted he asked,

"What did you have in mind?"

Deans ears went slightly pink, "I kinda wanted to show you what a blow job was..."

Castiels heart sparked, but his brain remained foggy and tired.

Deans hand panned under Castiels shirt and down towards the crotch of his pants. He kissed him again, this time with an open mouth that Castiel had trouble parting from. It was still sweet from chocolate, but when they did part, Castiel said quietly, "Dean..."

Deans hands froze in their place from detecting the tone in his voice, "Oh, shit, Cas, I'm sorry, is this too fast for you? I'll stop, I'm sorry, we don't have to--"

"Dean," Castiel shushed him, "can we just cuddle instead?"

"C-cuddle?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes half-lidded now, and it was difficult to keep them open.

"Oh, yeah-yeah we can do that. Hell, I'm always up for cuddling...heh...yeah, whatever you want, Babe."

Castiel smiled, burring his face into the crook of Deans neck. "Dean." He whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Please shut up."

"As you wish, Cas."

"Don't make a The Princess Bride reference you geek."

Dean just snickered to himself before falling silent.

Castiel continued to smooth his fingers over the curves of Deans pendent until the lullaby of breathing and crickets put him to sleep. The thought of his mothers phone call was finally out of his mind.


	20. I'll Just Wait Here Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cas, stop, just stop, okay?" Dean clenched his jaw, his eyes flashing, "I don't care that you're leaving next month, next week, or tomorrow-what I care about is that you're here with me right now, and we already promised each other we'd make the time we had together count. I wish we had more time to figure this crap out too, but we don't, so I don't want to spend the rest of our summer worrying about what we're going to do when you leave, I want to spend it worrying about what we're gonna do while you're here. Okay?"

The tent in the morning felt like a suffocating sauna, and the sleeping bag was just making it even more uncomfortable. Benny and Dean seemed to have set up the tent directly in the line of fire for the blistering sun to hit them, resulting in the tent heating up on the inside like a baked potato.

Castiel groaned in discomfort, and twisted in the sleeping bag, feeling sweaty all over. He found his arm being weighed down by something, and tried to look over his shoulder to see what it was. It was Sam. He must have climbed into the tent in the middle of the night, and seemed to have curled up next to Cas for comfort, his hand was bundled in a fist on the back of Castiels shirt, as he slept peacefully.

Castiel smirked and removed Sams hand from his shirt before struggling to get out of the sleeping bag, thus waking up Dean in the process.

"Mornin', tiger." He yawned, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

"It's  _boiling_." Castiel pretended to pant, "I need to get outta here. It's too hot to be this close to you."

"Ugh, no kidding. Hey, is that Sammy?" he asked, peeking over Castiel to catch a glimpse of brown shaggy hair.

"Yeah, he must have come in here in the middle of the night. You think Bennys story scared him?"

Dean snorted, "Probably. The wuss. C'mon, let's get outta here before we die of heat stroke."

The two managed to wiggle out of their sleeping bag without waking Sam, and they hurriedly went to unzip the tent, dying for any kind of fresh air. They stumbled out onto the grass, and while it was still equally as hot out outside, it was less muggy and sticky out here.

They fell on their backs on the ground, the grass tickling their skin, and the air brushing their faces. Castiel sighed contently with Dean next to him.

"You wanna go make some breakfast?" He asked.

"As long as you make some coffee too." said Cas.

Dean chuckled, getting to his feet and offering a hand to Castiel to help him up. They then had a race to the back porch and Castiel was the winner, slapping his hand on the railing and spinning around to grin at Dean, who was just starting to slow down and catch his breath.

"Damn, you're fast." He panted.

"Or you're too slow."

Dean shoved his shoulder playfully before hopping up the steps to lead the way inside Bennys home. He then wondered around the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and the cupboards, listing off all the things they could eat. Castiel was hardly listening to him though, his eyes had caught something in the corner of the other room that he hadn't seen the last time he had been here.

"Benny has a piano?" Castiel said in surprise.

A black grand piano sat, almost unnoticed, in the den of the Lafittes house. The lid was closed and blanketed in a thin cloth material, and on top of it was pictures of the family. Castiel began to walk towards the piano, his mouth curving into a pleased smile. He smoothed his hand over the dusty black fall boardthat kept the keys hidden from view.

Dean looked over his shoulder from being cut off from his listing, "Oh, yeah. It was his grandmothers I think. No one else really knows how to play, so it's just kinda there for an antique-y look I think."

"Do you think I could play?"

Dean seemed confused for a moment before it dawned on him that Castiel was a piano player, "Oh! Oh, yeah! Go ahead! I wanna see you play!" With breakfast forgotten, he hurried away from the cupboards and to Castiels side.

"You sure Bennys family wouldn't mind?"

"Nah," Dean batted the question away with his hand, "go ahead, and do your stuff."

"Okay." Castiel grinned, sitting down on the bench and flexing his fingers before opening the fall mind raced with pieces to play, but he couldn't seem to decide on one. He thought about asking Dean what he wanted to hear, but then thought otherwise, because Dean most likely knew none of the songs that Cas knew how to play.

Meanwhile, Dean had taken a chair from the kitchen table and dragged it along the floor and placed it by the piano to sit in. "What are you gonna play?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Well, just play somethin'. You don't have to impress me or anything, I just wanna hear you play. There isn't anyway I'd know if it was like an easier song, or somethin'."

Castiel flashed him a thankful smile and turned back to the keys, deciding on the song he first learned how to play, without the help of his teacher. He played it at a Christmas party once and another time at Annas birthday. He didn't play it at recitals a lot, mostly because his mother would pester him about how it sounds better on the violin, and then convince him to play a 'better piano song'. But he always had a special place in his heart for the song.

It was Elgar's  _Sault d'amour_.

"I might be a little rusty." he warned, for he hadn't played the piano since school got out.

"Thanks okay," said Dean, "I probably won't be able to notice."

Castiel laughed before resting the pads of his fingers on the dusty keys. He collected himself properly and let his hands dance across the keys, and suddenly the house was full of music and for a moment he was sitting back at home in his own living room with his own piano under him. His mother was in the kitchen cooking while his siblings and father were watching him play, and his mother could be heard humming along with the twinkling notes.

He looked over his shoulder and saw Dean sitting in the chair, smiling, and it was like Dean was in Illinois too, sitting on a plush chair, dressed like he was going to Church with them. Castiel smiled down at the piano keys, trying not to get too distracted so he wouldn't mess up.

But he couldn't help but feel this sense of nostalgia and familiarity, and he desperately wanted things to be the same again, only with Dean there too. It dawned on him that he wouldn't be able to have both. After summer he wasn't going to see him, or Sam, or Benny anymore, and while he greatly disliked Benny, he felt like he knew he'd still miss his company every once in a while.

As he became caught up in these thoughts of the doomed future, his hands stopped on the keys, needing the guidance of where to go, but it seemed as though Cas had suddenly forgotten what came after. His mind running a complete blank of the song.

"Cas?" said Dean, "You okay?"

"I'm not sure." He said hollowly, "I've seemed to have forgotten...I'm sorry...I don't remember--" his voice broke and he wasn't able to continue talking. He left his hands slide off the piano keys, the house going quite again.

Deans footsteps creaked the floorboards when he got up from his chair to sit next to Castiel on the bench. "It's okay," He said softly, "I thought the song was really good. You're really good at playing."

Castiel gave him a weak smile while still staring at his hands in his lap, his twisted his fingers nervously, wrinkling the end of his tshirt. "Thank you, Dean..." His voice shook, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Whats the matter?"

"Dean...Whats gonna happen when I go home in August?" He looked up to him with watering eyes, already red rimmed from struggling to keep they tears away.

Dean went silent, his mouth curved open as though it wanted to say something, but his brain had gone blank.

"Whats gonna happen to us? What'll happen when we're not seeing each other every week anymore? You and Sam are the bestest friends I've ever had...and..." He broke off again, unsure of where he was heading with it. He really wished he could tell Dean about what he was feeling, but every other nerve in his body was telling him that it wasn't the right time. What was the point of telling him if he was just going to leave him next month?

Deans fingers brushed over the top of his ear as he pushed back his messy hair, taking Castiels head in his hands and smoothing his calloused thumb over his temple. His green eyes were hooded gently, and in a mixture of understanding and hurt. "Cas..." He said weakly, "It'll be okay...You know, I still keep in touch with Charlie. We Skype when we can and we talk on the phone and text. It'll be all right."

"But you aren't  _dating_  Charlie," Castiel pointed out, sniffing. "And I'm sure Charlie has other friends in Kansas. I don't want to leave you, Dean. I don't want to leave you, or Sam, or Benny...What if you forget about me?"

"I could never do that." He said hardly, as if the mere thought of forgetting about Castiel was forbidden.

"I won't be able to touch you or kiss you for months, a year, maybe more--I don't know! Who knows when I'll get to see you after August! Do you really think you could wait that long?"

"Cas, stop, just stop, okay?" Dean clenched his jaw, his eyes flashing, "I don't care that you're leaving next month, next week, or tomorrow-what I care about is that you're here with me right now, and we already promised each other we'd make the time we had together count. I wish we had more time to figure this crap out too, but we don't, so I don't want to spend the rest of our summer worrying about what we're going to do when you leave, I want to spend it worrying about what we're gonna do while you're here. Okay?"

Castiel nodded his head slowly, lacing his fingers through the gaps between Deans. He fell forward to press his forehead against Deans neck. "I'll wait for you, Dean Winchester..." He whispered softly to himself, and he wasn't sure if Dean had heard him or not, because he didn't give any sort of acknowledgement that he had.

They sat like this on the piano bench for a while, with Castiel leaning on Dean, and Dean tracing patterns on Castiels back with the tip of his fingers. It was comforting until Deans stomach growled, and the two erupted into giggles.

"Wanna go make breakfast now?" he asked Castiel.

"I think it's best that we do, before your stomach eats itself."

Castiel sat at the table and watched Dean as he filled bowls with cereal and mugs of coffee. They were finishing their breakfast when the others came inside, Sam looking like he didn't sleep well, and Balthazar looking annoyed at Benny.

"I hope you two had a good nights sleep last night," he said upon seeing them at the table, "because I was stuck in the tent with the two worst campers on this side of the country."

"Hey," Benny barked, "Its not my fault that Sam was so scared!"

"You're the one who told the goatman story! Not to mention you  _snore_  like one. I was one second away from tossing you outside."

"I wasn't even scared!" Sam whined, "I couldn't get to sleep because Benny was so loud!"

"Excuses, excuses, Samantha." said Benny.

While Benny and Sam bickered over breakfast, Balthazar reminded his cousin that they would have to leave soon or else their parents were going to leave for the aquarium without them. So after eating quickly, they gathered their things and said goodbye to Benny and Dean and Sam.

"I'll talk to you later." Dean told Castiel at the door, giving him a chaste kiss on the mouth that had Sam and Benny forget their bickering for a few moments in order to team up and tease the two by doing a poor imitation of them.

"Oh, Castiel," Sam tried to make his voice gruff like his brothers, placing the back of his hand on his forehead while swooning, "I can't stand to part from you. All I do while we're a part is listen to I'm All Out of Love and-"

"Wait does he really?" Snorted Benny.

Sam nodded, "he knows all the words!"

Benny erupted into laughter while Deans ears turned pink and told them to shut up. Castiel kissed his cheek and said goodbye again, smirking as he turned out the door with Balthazar to head to his car.

XxX

The ride to the aquarium was long and boring. Castiel lucked out in getting dibs on shotgun, but Lucifer was mad that he had beaten him to it, so he had taken off his tennis shoes and was propping his feet up by his brothers head which made for a very enjoyable car ride for Castiel. He tried to ignore his older brother, but you couldn't exactly ignore Lucifer, because he wouldn't let you.

Castiel was sick of family car rides.

They pulled up to the aquarium and waited in the long line to get inside and give the workers their tickets. Gabriel was the most inpatient. Gabriel couldn't handle standing still, it made him bored, and when Gabriel was bored he took it out on those around him. Pestering his siblings and cousins until Chuck got fed up enough to make him stand by him until they got inside the building--a punishment that he hasn't done since Gabriel was eight.

Once inside Balthazar made sure to make him and Castiel lag behind the group a little, which made Cas a little anxious; he didn't want to become separated from the others.

"Balthazar," he said, "shouldn't we catch up a bit?"

"We will," he promised, "I just wanted to...ask you something first."

"What about?"

"Are you all right, Cassie?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You know..." He looked quickly up at the others before lowering his voice and adding, "about your mom."

Castiels heart twinged slightly at the mention, he hadn't really given any thought to his mother since the day before, "Oh, that...yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

Balthazar rolled his shoulder, "I worry about you guys," he jerked his head to gesture to the rest of Castiels family, "you Shurleys aren't exactly the prime example of a normal functional family, Cassie."

"We're fine. We've been getting along just fine the past month."

"I know that, but..." he drew a breath, "Are you calling your mother back?"

"I don't know. At the moment, I don't really want to. I can't do it right now."

"You can't ignore her forever you know," Balthazar warned, "might as well rip off the band-aid."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying...you're not going to be able to ignore her like you're doing right now for long. Sooner or later she'll be contacting everyone in the family, and what if she changed her mind and wants to share custody over you guys with your dad? This party is far from being over, Cassie."

His heart sunk, and he watched his feet shuffle on the tile floors, "I hadn't even thought of that."

"I'm not trying to make you upset, Cassie, that's the last thing I want to do. I'm just...I want you to be prepared for that."

"Since when did you become a guidance counselor? You sound like the ones at my school."

"Is it such a crime to look after my baby cousin? I'd really hate for you to get quiet again."

"I won't. At least...I hope I won't." He sighed, "I'm not entirely sure what my feelings are for my mother anymore. Perhaps I'll call her back once I figure out what exactly I want to say to her..."

Balthazar opened his mouth to say something else just as Aunt Rachel realized that the two where falling behind, and called after them to pick up the pace. They quickened their walk a bit before Balthazar continued, speaking even softer than before.

"Have you thought of anything yet?"

"I keep changing my mind," he replied, "I start off thinking that I want to tell her off...but then I go back to just wanting to hear her voice again...all in all, I just want answers."

Balthazar nodded solemnly, going quiet for once.

But apparently not for long.

It wasn't until they were looking at the Gulf of Mexico exhibit that Castiel got a text from Dean, and his face lit up from seeing it. It wasn't really anything of import; just Dean saying that he hoped he was having a good time and that he missed him already.

Castiel was about to respond when his oh-so-wonderful cousin nudged his arm with his elbow.

"Texting lover boy are we?"

"I was about to reply to Dean, yes, I don't know who  _we_  is."

Balthazar rolled his eyes so hard they nearly got lost in the back of his head. "Castiel I have no idea what Dean see's in you."

Castiel just smiled at his phone screen before tucking it back into his pocket and craning his neck towards the tank again, watching the sharks swim along with the schools of fish. Naomi suddenly gasped and grabbed Samandriels shoulder, pointing out the endangered sea turtle they had here. Samandriel clapped his hands excitedly, and bounced on his heels.

"You really like him, don't you?" asked Balthazar.

"Dean?" smirked Cas, "I like him a little bit, I'd say."

"I'm being serious, kid. You two are sweet together."

Castiel tried to hide his smile. "...Thank you..."

Balthazar flashed him a small toothy smile before turning to look up at the tank as well. It was Castiel who interrupted the silence this time.

"Balthazar...do you think Dean and I will make it past this summer?"

"Hmm?" his cousins eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...what do you think will happen between me and him?"

"Well, I hope for the best, of course, Cassie. But...if you want the truth...Deans only been in one serious relationship his whole life. I love the guy an' all, but theres no telling what will happen after summer."

"So...you think he'll forget about me?"

"Oh, no," Balthazar shook his head, "Dean doesn't forget, and he doesn't cheat. He's a lot of things, but a complete douche bag isn't one of them. Don't let him know I said that."

"Then what do you mean by you won't know what'll happen after summer?"

"Long distance relationships are hard, Cassie, and nine times outta ten, they don't work out. Thats all I mean. I think you two like each other a lot, and are good together, but you've only known each other for a month. As much as I love to see you and one of my best friends happy together, I'm not going to spare you the bitter details of what could happen after you leave."

"But, do you think he'd wait for me?"

Balthazar blinked, blank faced, and almost looking a little pitying. "I don't know." He said honestly.

A shark swam in front of one of the lights hanging above the tank, and the room went darker for a moment. The staticy feeling was rubbing on Castiels insides again.

"What happened to Deans first serious relationship?" he asked.

Balthazar took a long hallow breath.

"It's nothing. Nothing you need to worry about. It's not my place to tell."

"Okay." Castiel said slowly before turning back to watch a school of fish flash by in front of him, their silver scales flickering in the dim lighting. He wasn't going to push at Balthazars buttons to get out Deans story, if Dean wanted to tell him he would tell him himself.

"All right, all right, you've twisted my arm!" Balathazar suddenly exclaimed, ruining Castiels peaceful state of mind, and tossing his hands into the air like his cousin had been begging him endlessly for some sort of confession.

"I didn't--"

"Calm down, won't you? I'll tell you! All right, so theres something you don't know about your little lover boy, Cassie. Last summer he was...really popular. Around November he met a girl named Lisa and they really clicked, ya know?"

Castiels heart twinged at the name. It sounded familiar. "Are you sure you want to tell me this?"

His cousin ignored him. "Lisa and Dean were together all the time. He was so caught up in her he started to...break off from Benny and I. It wasn't that we didn't like Lisa, she was a nice girl, it was just that Dean loved her so much that he started lying about where he was so he could hanging out with Lisa so we wouldn't call him out on it. Benny found out eventually and he was really pissed. They didn't talk to each other for almost a month and a half."

"Balthazar, why are you telling me all this? Is this about what Benny said--"

"Let me finish. They got into a huge fight and broke up, Dean was wreck. A month later he wanted to get back together with her. Her family was planning on moving out of state by then though. Lisa didn't want anything to do with him. She was pregnant, Cas."

His heart dropped to his kneecaps, and his face flushed. "Deans a...father?"

"Oh, no," Balthazar shook his head, steadying his cousins heartbeat again with the wave of a hand, "no, no, Cassie. Lisa said the kid wasn't his. Anyway, Lisa left and Dean wasn't exactly the same after that. They tried to make it work, but it seemed like...she just forgot about him. Nearly killed the guy, but he got through it."

"You shouldn't have told me this," he frowned, "it's not your story to share."

"Are you mad at me now? Cassie, I was only telling you because Dean's in the same place as you are. He doesn't want you to leave anymore than you want to go. You're not the only one afraid of being forgotten."

Castiel suddenly felt very empty, and all the worries he had tried to forget about came back to him as a hurricane in his middle, twisting up his insides and leaving him dazed. He wanted to desperately listen to Deans advice about focusing on the time that he was spending in Louisiana, but the warnings that everyone else was telling him about were beginning to haunt him.

He removed himself from Balthazar, walking towards another exhibit.

"Where are you going?" He called after him.

"I need to think." He mumbled, unsure if Balthazar had heard him, but not really caring.

XxX

Castiel was admiring the jellyfish. The room was dark in here, like the Gulf of Mexico, and there were different types of jellyfish in sections of the wall. The darkness made them glow, and Cas couldn't remember seeing anything prettier than this. He tilted his head to the side slightly, watching the fish steadily swim around their tiny tank, their long, skinny stingers swirling and swaying in the crystal water.

He pressed the pad of his finger against the glass softly, tracing their squishy bodies and tentacles with the tip. It was calming to watch them, and it made it easier to forget about his troubles.

He still wasn't sure what to think about the fact that he would be leaving Dean for months and the time that they would meet again was unknown. He wasn't sure what to think about to the news of Deans ex-girlfriend had gotten pregnant and moved away from him, and he still wasn't sure what to say to his mother.

He wished that Balthazar hadn't told him about Lisa. It was only making things worse when they didn't need to be.

He suddenly found himself desperately wishing that Dean was here. Not only to comfort him, but to see these jellyfish and their fantastic colors, and to see the way they move so gracefully in the water. He could obviously take a picture on his phone and send it to him, but it wasn't the same thing as having him here and living the experience with him. If it were up to him he thinks that he would try to spend all day every day with Dean by his side.

"There you are!" a voice startled him, and he turned to see his sister walking towards him. "we were wondering where you had gone off to."

"I didn't go far," he said, "I thought Balthazar would have seen me--"

"It's okay, Cassie," Anna cut him off, "you're not in trouble or anything. Just don't do it again or else Dad might notice and have a heart attack."

"He didn't know I left?"

She rolled her shoulder, "Gabriel was keeping him occupied."

Castiel nodded to himself, looking back to the jellyfish, and Anna turned to watch them too. They stood in silence while the crowd of people around them chatted on loudly and stopped only momentarily to point and oo and ahh at the sea creatures.

"Anna..." he said softly.

She hummed in reply.

"How do you know if--how can you tell--have you ever been in love before?"

She looked over at him with a flash of surprise and amusement in her eyes, she gave a little laugh and shook her head, "Once or twice...I think so. Why are you asking me?"

"I didn't really think our brothers would be very helpful in this sort of thing."

"Hmm," she looked over her shoulder at Lucifer, Micheal, and Gabriel, who were shoving each other in order to get to the front of the tank in order to see the stingrays, while Chuck shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "I can't imagine why you'd say that."

They shared a laugh before Anna asked, "What I meant was; why are you asking me if I've ever been in love before?"

"I want to know...what it feels like."

"Is this about the girl from the other night?" Anna gave him a sideways glance, and smirking slyly.

He frowned at her, and decided not to respond.

She pushed his shoulder and laughed to lighten the mood again, "Oh, stop being such a grump, Cas. I don't care. I'm happy you've found someone who makes you feel like that. What exactly do you want to know about love?"

"What does it feel like?"

"Well..." She looked off thoughtfully at the jellyfish slowly expanding and contracting, "love is like...I don't really know how to tell you. I just remember I always wanted to be around them. It's kinda like how you love your family or love your friends...but...I don't know. It feels good to be around them, you know? It feels like you're home when you're with them. You can be happy, depressed, or mad and you won't have to worry about what they'll think of you after because you'll know they still love you at the end of the day. Oh, and their quirks are what you live for," She smiled to herself, "You never grow tired of their company, and seeing them happy is like seeing the sunrise...I could go on, but I won't bore you. Does this make sense? Sound anything like what you're feeling?"

Castiel nodded slowly, the idea of being in love with Dean dawning on him and scaring him a little. He had of course been feeling this for a while now, but was unable to really recognize it. He was so in love with Dean, and it felt wrong to feel that, but it also felt nice and comforting. Like a cup of coffee resting in between your palms.

"But...hey..." Anna placed a hand gently in his hair, giving a small smile "I don't think you should fret about this love stuff, Cassie. We don't live in Louisiana, you know? I'd really hate to see you get upset over some girl you met here when we head back home. Besides, I'm sure theres a bunch of other girls, and a bunch of other hickies to look forward to in your lifetime."

He nodded again, but was hardly listening to her. His heart was beating against his ribs, and it was a scary feeling, yet a warm feeling at the same time and he wasn't sure if this was good or not. His palms felt sweaty and he tried to rub them off on his pants, but it didn't really help. All he could think about was wishing that Dean could be here to see how pretty all the animals were.

He couldn't help but feel as though he was in deeper trouble with this boy than he planned on. He thought about what he had said to Dean earlier; about how he would wait for him. He really would wait for him, he thought, that he would wait for Dean even if it meant waiting years until they saw each other again. He would wait.

Which, that promise to himself of waiting for Dean only furthered the thought of being in love with him. He sighed,  _one more thing to think about._

Castiel watched the jellyfish.


	21. Calm Before a Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wanna run away together, Cas?"

Castiel knew he was in trouble.

He didn't just realize it at the aquarium, but the days that followed. He was beginning to think about the days ahead a lot more often now.

Next week, the week after that, going back to school, Thanksgiving, and Christmas break, etc. etc. And all these ideas involved Dean being there with him. He was thinking of ways for Dean to still be a part of his life even when he went back to Pontiac.

It made him hopeful, thinking out all of these scenarios that could quite possibly never happen, and at the same time it made him feel sick. He couldn't talk to Dean about any of this yet, he hadn't seen him the past few days. Half of the reason was because Dean started work and hadn't had time. The other half was because Castiel was afraid to ask. He was afraid of getting the disappointed look from his father when he did. He felt guilty for not wanting to spend so much time with his family, but he already sees them every day of his life, and he'll be seeing them after this summer also. Dean however, he has a very small time period with.

He didn't feel like it was right to talk about Lisa with Dean over cellphone either. That was a type of thing you talked about in person.

It was almost a week since they last saw each other.

Castiel had seen bits of the Winchesters of course, but it was only for a short period of time. Once Dean came over after work to join the Shurleys for dinner. Only to pass out on the couch a few moments after he arrived. Chuck told Cas not to wake him up and to simply set aside a plate for him.

Another time at Aunt Rachel's and Uncle Joshua's, Sam and Dean were in the backyard with Balthazar and Naomi, shooting each other with water guns. Castiel joined them of course, but Dean eventually had to take Sam home so he could get ready for his shift at the garage. Castiel was very disappointed to see Dean go.

Cas had met him for lunch a few times, but hadn't actually gone to the garage yet. Whenever they met for lunch though it was usually quick stops for subway or Taco Bell and then a few million kisses goodbye in the Impala before Dean have to return. 

To their luck, Dean said he only had to work until one on Tuesday, so they could see each other then. Which made Castiel very happy. It was difficult to whisper "I miss you"s and "When can I see you"s into the phone every night when his brothers were sleeping in the same room. Deans voice was sweet, but hardly compared to hearing it said into his ear along with feeling Deans lips brushing against it.

"Tell me again what we're going to do."

"I already told you three times, Cas," Dean chuckled into the phone.

"I know, I know, but I like hearing you say it."

"All right, all right, I'll tell you. Wednesday when I get off work you're gonna come visit me and I'll get cleaned up and we'll get into Baby and head off to the hill,"

"and we're going out to lunch too, right?"

"Course! Then we'll spend the rest of the day up there."

"Just you and I?"

"Just me and you."

Castiel sighed contently, "I can't wait."

"Me neither. Gosh, Cas, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. How're we gonna do this when you leave?"

"I'll just have to mail myself back here."

"I wouldn't mind that. My little mail-order-Cas."

Castiel giggled into the phone, his heart fluttering. "I miss you so much already."

"I know. I miss you too, buddy. Just one more day and I'll see you."

"One more day." Castiel repeated. "One more day and I think I may combust."

Dean laughed into the phone again, "It'll be okay...Have you thought about what you wanted to say to your mom yet?"

He tried his best to keep the thought of his mother far from his mind as possible. If he didn't think about her he didn't have to stress about what he wanted to say to her. This had been working well for the most part, as long as he didn't think about her his main concern was Dean.

"No." He deadpanned, scratching his fingers on his belly, "I don't have the slightest idea."

"Maybe you should ask Gabriel what he thinks you should say."

Castiel scoffed, "I already know what he wants me to say to her. 'Give her a big ol' fuck you from me, Cas. Make sure she doesn't come back.'"

"He really said that?"  
"For the most part."  
"Wow. Well...Cas, the longer you stretch this out the worse it's gonna be. I think you should just call her and ask her all those questions you have."

"Yeah...I will," he lied, he wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to call her, "I don't want to think about my mother right now. I just want to think about seeing you. Tell me what we're going to do again."

"Cas," Dean sighed.

"Please, I like hearing you say it."

"All right, but this is the last time. I just told you, you asshat."

"Well...tell me what we'll do after."

"What?"

"What are we going to do after. After we eat our lunch and before you take me home. Remember?"

"Oh," He heard Deans grin over the phone, "Well. We're gonna go back to the Impala, and I'm gonna screw you into next week."

Castiel hummed contentedly into the speaker, "Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll show ya everything I know, Cas. You sweet little Catholic. Just thinking about you gets me hot. God. You make the prettiest little noises."

"Just one more day," Castiel squeezed his eyes shut as the thought made a bubbling warmth in his middle, "I can't make it that long."

"You ever touch yourself thinking about me, Cas?"

Castiel blushed, quickly looking over his shoulder in fear of someone being able to overhear their conversation, though he was all alone in the bedroom. "Y-yes." He said quietly, feeling embarrassed.

Dean didn't even miss a beat, "When?"

"In the shower mostly..."

"What do you think about."

"Well, I...I feel weird talking about this."

"Why?"  
"I don't know what to say."  
"Just tell me. What do you do to get yourself off, Cas?"  
"Well...I...I don't know I just started thinking about you, and your eyes and your mouth and what it would feel like." Castiels middle was tightening and his dick was pressing against his pants.

"Are you touching yourself right now?"  
"No."  
"Do it, Cas."

Castiels hand slid under his pants and into his boxers where he gave his erection a few quick tugs and it was hardening in his grasp. He bit down on his lip while Dean cooed in his ear over the phone.

"I've thought about you a few times," he said, "I think about how you'll feel when I finally fuck you. God, Cas, it's like no other feeling. We'll be in the back of the Impala and Led Zeppelin will be playin' and you'll be layin' on the leather seats all sweaty and moanin'."

"Dean..." Castiel panted, sparks of arousal making his dick twitch and his hand quicken pace.

"Or maybe you could top. I didn't think you'd want to, given you'd never done anything like this before. I know I didn't the first time.  _Ugh, Cas_ , you'd be so good." Deans breathing was ragged and heavy in Castiels ear, and he squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on Deans noises and thinking about him under him in the Impala. His hips bucked into his fist, his erection slicked with precum. He panted open mouthed into the phone, muffling his groans into the pillow.

"God, Dean," He bit his lip, "thats so hot."

"Ain't it?" Dean huffed a laugh, "Trust me, Babe, it gets even hotter than this. God, I'd love to have you fuck me, Cas."

That was what put Cas over the edge. Deans voice was so filthy and raunchy, and his tone was always deeper than usual whenever he was approaching orgasm. It was gruff yet smooth in a type of way that was simply music to Castiels ears. He cried out Deans name with one last flick of his wrist and lay limply on the bed. Blissed out and enjoying the afterglow.

He could still hear Dean on the other line. Panting and whimpering into the speaker. He could tell Dean was nearly there, and it frustrated him that he wasn't there to push him over. He knew he would have been able to make Dean cum sooner than this if it were his hand and his mouth against his neck.

Dean came with a shout followed by a content sigh. They lay there panting into their phones, basking in the aura of post orgasm.

"I can't wait to see you." Castiel mumbled.

"Me neither." Said Dean.

XxX

Wednesday afternoon took an eternity to come, but with a little patience-and a lot of staring at the clock-Castiel was finally sitting in the foyer tying his shoes with a brown paper bag sitting next to him.

"You don't know what time you'll be back?" Chuck asked, leaning against the doorway into the kitchen.

"No," said Castiel, "I'll let you know when I'm on my way home. I don't think we'll be out late."

"Okay. I was planning on going out to dinner tonight. If you're not back by then we'll get you a doggy bag."

"Thanks, Dad." Castiel stood up and flashed him a smile over his shoulder before turning to the door, "I'll see you later."

"Be good, Cas. Leave your phone on."

"I will." He called as he shut the door behind him. He began his walk to town, taking the shortcut through the woods that would lead him to Bennys backyard. Squirrels and birds chatted to him as he made his lonely walk, swinging the lunch bag at his side. He knew that he and Dean were going out to lunch after Dean got off work, but Aunt Rachel had made some apple pie the other day, and Castiel decided to bring a slice as a treat for Dean. He made sure to wrap it carefully in tin foil before setting it inside, treating it as precious cargo.

He didn't know his way around town  _well_.

Which was why he spent a good thirty minutes wondering in confusion in search of the garage. He thought about running back to Bennys house quickly and asking him for directions, but then he finally spotted a glimpse of black metallic parked in a lot. He recognized Deans Baby and he hurried across the street to get to it.

He stood off in the parking lot awkwardly for a moment, gazing inside the garage and listening to the loud bangs, clangs, and whistles of power tools go on inside. He clutched the end of the brown paper lunch bag in his hands tightly before finally shuffling inside. He poked his head around the corner, seeing two men, coated in oil and grease, bickering over an old pick up truck.

One wore a battered up light blue work shirt that said Rufus, over his stained white one. He was waving a wrench in the air as he argued. His dark face was dripping with beads of sweat. The other was wearing a baseball cap that seemed to be on its last leg, given that it was tearing at the brim. He had a reddish-light brown beard, and oil all over his calloused hands.

"H-hello?" Castiel tried to speak over the echoes. "Excuse me?"

The two men instantly whipped their heads around in surprise. Castiel held up his hand in a shy wave.

"You have an appointment?" One asked.

"Well, no-"

"You want to set one up?" Asked the other.

"No, I'm-"

"Then what are you here for, kid? You lost?"

"No, I-Does Dean Winchester work here? I'm here to-to-" Castiel looked around helplessly, feeling horribly awkward. He held up the sack lunches, "I brought pie."

The two men looked at each other, and then back to Castiel. The one with the wrench started waving it again in Castiels direction as he spoke, "Ah, yeah, you must be Castiel." He nodded, "Dean said somethin' 'bout you turnin' up today."

"We let him off early." Said the other. "Poor kids been working so hard."

"He's back there," the other hitched a black thumb over his shoulder, "he's gonna be off in a few minutes."

"Thank you, um, Mr..?"

"Singer. And this idjit is Mr. Turner."

"You can call me Rufus." He stuffed the wrench in his back pocket to reach out a hand to shake Castiels. "You must be Castiel. We've heard a bit about you."

"You have?" He tried to hide a smile.

Mr. Singer nodded. "That idigit won't stop talkin' about you. I know more about you than his own life. You'd think you were an angel directly from heaven the way he talks about you."

Rufus nodded in agreement while Castiel tried to hide his blush.

"Oh. Well...I'm pretty crazy about him too."

Rufus laughed and clapped him on the back, "Go on an' see him, ya stupid kid."

Castiel flashed them a smile before hurrying off in the direction Mr. Singer had told him Dean would be. He stumbled around for a moment in search of anything that would give him an idea of where he could find Dean. It was when he came across a cherry red mustang that he found him.

He saw a pair of brown work boots sticking out from under the front, along with the bottom half of dirty blue jeans. But that wasn't what had given him away. It was the iPod dock set at a table blasting Metallica that had done it.

Castiel beamed, nudging at Deans foot with his own to get his attention.

He stepped back and crouched down to his knees when Dean began rolling back out from under the car, and grinned down at his grubby face that lit up instantly when their eyes met. "Cas!" He greeted.

"Hello, Dean. I'd kiss you, but you're quite filthy."

"Hold on." Dean got off the ground and hurried over to the table housing his iPod doc. He swiped a rag and rubbed it roughly over his face. He turned back to Cas to present his job well done. "Better?"

"You're at least kissable now if that's what you're asking." he replied.

"What? You don't like the grease monkey look?" Dean teased before pulling him in for a kiss. When they parted he noticed the bag tucked noticeably behind Castiels back. "What'd you bring?"

"A surprise. For you." Castiel grinned, holding it out in front of him and letting Dean take it. He watched as Dean excitedly took out the tinfoil and unwrapped it in the palm of his hand. His eyes sparked when he saw what was inside.

"Aw, Cas," he licked his lips, "you're the best."

Castiel rolled his shoulder and smirked, "You're welcome."

Dean took out the fork from the bag and began shoveling the pie into his mouth, making pleased, happy, noises with every bite. "Your aunt makes the best pie, dude. Lemme tell ya."

"You tell me this all the time." Cas teased, "Are you almost done here? I'm starving."

Dean nodded, wiping the corner of his mouth to dust off crumbs of pie. "Don't worry your pretty little head, Cas. Is food all you think about?"

"I just want to have one of Ellen's burgers again."

Dean chuckled, turning back to the mustang, "My point exactly. I'm almost off just let me clean up my space."

"Can I help you?"

"No, no, there's not much to clean. You just sit there and look cute for me, all right?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, sitting on the edge of the table and pretending to pout while Dean cleaned up. He put away the tools and oil cans, and then went around the corner into the bathroom to wash his face up better and change his work shirt for a tshirt.

Castiel waited impatiently during all of this, telling Dean the entire time that it would go faster if he let him help out. Dean only ignored him though.

When he returned from the bathroom Castiel hopped off the table and bounced over to him, "Can we go now?"

"We can go now."

"Good." Castiel laced his fingers between Deans and pulled him off towards the front of the garage, waving goodbye to Rufus and Mr. Singer before leaving, and running to the Impala.

XxX

"I'm so happy to be able to spend time with you," said Castiel, "I think I was beginning to forget what you looked like."

They were sitting in Ellen's restaurant now, waiting for a waitress to arrive so they could order their drinks. The place seemed quite dead today, only two other people where inside and they were far off on the other side of the room. Dean said it was probably because there was some bake sale going on today.

Dean smirked, gesturing to his face, "What? How could you forget this pretty face?"

"I couldn't remember how many freckles you had," he said, "and I think you've gotten even more since I last saw you."

Deans ears turned a bit pink and he rolled his eyes, "Ugh. I hate those damn things. I wish I could wash 'em off."

Castiel gasped, "Why? I love them, they're beautiful, Dean."

Dean pretended to be concentrating on the menu as he blushed and muttered a 'thanks, Cas' under his breath.

"Well, hey, Castiel," Jo arrived with her notepad and pen in hand, giving him a smile when she saw him, "nice to see you here again." her smile flipped when her eyes panned to Dean across from him, "Dean Winchester."

"Long time no see, Jo." said Dean.

"It's nice to see that Cas is still able to withstand being near you." She then pushed herself into the booth next to Dean, squeezing him inside and physically trapping him. Dean glared a puzzled expression at her, looking to Cas for help, who only looked equally as confused.

"So. Deano." Her eyes sparked, "Rumor has it that you've been keeping a secret from me."

"I have no idea what you're talkin' about, kid." said Dean.

"Oh, c'mon, Dean," she whined, "quit lyin'. I know you and Cas are a thing."

Castiels heart jumping into his throat made it difficult to remain calm. His and Deans eyes met across the table, as though they were both seeking help from the other.

Dean cleared his throat before awkwardly laughing, "What? What on earth would give you that idea? Thats-who would tell you that?"

Jo's eyes narrowed dangerously. Her mouth curved into a fake, devious sort of smile, as her eyebrows arched and she said, "Funny thing. Good old Zachariah and his buddies came in here the other day..."

"Yeah, so?"

"You see, Dean Winchester, people aren't exactly  _blind_  around here. You've only been here for a year so I don't really expect you to know a lot about this town, but I didn't expect you to be  _this_ dumb. I waited on their table-even though I was practically bargaining my soul with Mom so I wouldn't have to-and I caught some snippets of their conversation. You want to know what I heard, Deano? Or are you going to keep spitting that crap to me."

"What did they say?" Deans voice was hard with more concern towards what the bullies had to say than trying to prove Jo's suspicions wrong.

"First it was the normal homophobic bull that you hear walking down the street every other day," she rolled her eyes so hard they nearly fell out of her head, "I was about to just block it out and make a mental note to spit in their drinks when I heard them say Winchester. They were talking about you and some kid with blue eyes that Alistair wanted to knock out. They were planning on beating you two up."

"When."

"I don't know, I didn't exactly go up and ask! They wouldn't tell me if I did anyway. After they left I went to find Benny and twisted his arm until he told me."

"Ah, crap," Dean rolled his eyes, slumping back against the plush of the booth, "Jesus Christ, Benny."

"He acts so tough for a teddy bear," said Jo, "But, honestly, Dean, I'm scared for you guys. Don't mess with them. Alistair was going to get a bunch of his buddies and corner you."

"I can handle Alistair."

"Dean, I'm not kiddin'. You know Alistair even better than I do, and you know that he doesn't mess around when it comes to fighting dirty. The way they were talking about getting you guys...they wanted to kill ya."

"Jo. It'll be fine. Zachariah keeps them in line, he wouldn't do anything above pushing over a toddler. He's too much of a wuss to do anything Alistair talks about."

"I just don't want you gettin' hurt."

"I won't all right? We don't want to go anywhere near their ugly faces anyway. Right, Cas?"

Castiels face had flushed, and the napkin he had been twisting in his hands for the past few minutes was now tattered into pieces all over the table. He nodded to Dean, trying to settle his stomach which was almost in the same state as the napkin.

Jo sighed heavily, "If you say so. I know you can hold your own...But nobody can take on ten against one or two."

"Don't worry about us, kid. Everything's fine."

"Okay...How long have you two been together anyway? Benny wouldn't tell me no matter how many Indian burns I gave him."

"Almost a month now, right?"

Castiel nodded again.

"What the hell?" She punched Dean in the arm, "You've been dating Castiel for a month and the only person you told was Benny?"

"Well, yeah! He's my best friend!"

"Balthazar and Sam also know." said Cas.

Jo hit Dean again, " _Dean Winchester!_ Why am I always the last to know?"

"Hey, the last time we came in here you said you couldn't give two craps about who I was seeing!"

"You're ridiculous." She scoffed.

"Well, we didn't want everyone in town to know! Especially Cas's family, they aren't exactly the accepting type. My dad knows I'm bi but who knows how he'll react when he see's I'm actually dating a guy. So keep your trap shut, kid, okay?"

"Your secrets safe with me." She mimicked pulling a zipper across her lips.

"Me too!" Ellens head had been poking out of the kitchen for a while now and was beaming a smile towards Dean and Castiel. "I've always got a safe place here for you boys! Whatever ya need, whenever ya need it!"

"Christ, Jo!" Dean barked, "You told Ellen!"

"She's my mom!" Jo defended, shrugging her shoulders, "I tell her everything!"

"Seriously, don't tell anyone else." He growled.

"We won't." The mother and daughter promised in unison. Ellen gave a thumbs up and a smile to Dean before ducking back into the kitchen.

Dean was burring his shaking head into the palms of his hands, sighing, "Don't you have a job to do or something?"

"Oh, yes," Jo hopped back up, "what do you guys want to drink?"

"Two cokes." said Castiel.

"All right. I'll bring 'em out." And with that, Jo trotted away with her pencil tucked behind her ear, and her ponytail bouncing behind her.

"Sorry, Cas," Dean mumbled, "I honestly didn't even think about Alistair and them goin' around blabbin' about us."

"It's all right." Castiel took Deans hands away from his face, and set them down on the table, patting them lightly. "I don't really mind if Jo and Ellen know now. My main concern was my family...and...well...I was starting to think of ways to come out to them."

"You were?"

"Yeah."

"Well, shit, thats awesome, Cas. When were you thinking?"

"I'm not sure...I haven't really gotten that far yet. I just know that I want to. I think I'll tell my dad first...and then come out to the rest of my family one by one...you know?"

"Thats a good plan," Dean nodded, "are you gonna tell them about us then too?"

"Well, yes. No matter how much it'll kill Gabriel when I tell him the truth I will. We told each other we wouldn't keep secrets and I haven't exactly been honest with him lately." Castiel sighed at his hands, picking at the skin around his fingernails. "I want to tell them before summer is over."

"You want me to be there with you?"

"If you could."

"You know I will."

Castiel smiled softly up at him, reaching his hand back out and tucking it under Deans. Dean gave him a hard squeeze with his fingers. "Thank you, Dean." he said.

Jo came out with their drinks around this time, and asked Dean if he would want his usual. He told her to make it double. Jo gave Castiel another sweet smile as she set his glass on the table. It made him wonder if this was the same Jo who wore a bitter expression every time Dean talked to her the last time they were at Ellens, or if that Jo had merely been her evil twin.

"You two are sweet," she said, pressing her serving tray against her stomach, "I never woulda thought...but you guys look real nice together. Honestly, Dean, we all thought you'd never move on after Lisa."

"Yeah, yeah," Dean waved her off, "Cas knows he's adorable you don't need to tell him twice."

Jo rolled her eyes, patting her hand on Castiels shoulder, "I have no idea what you see in him though." She spun around on her heel when Ash shouted at her for some help in the kitchen, and her ponytail whipped around the nape of her neck.

"So, whose Lisa?"

Dean tried to cover up the fact that he was choking on his drink. He didn't do it well. "Lisa? Lisa who?"

"The one everyone keeps talking about."

"Oh. That Lisa."

"Yeah. Who is she?"

"She's...she's an old friend."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"What happened." Castiel knew the answers to all these questions, but he didn't want Dean to know that. It would only cause trouble if he let it slip that Balthazar had already told him everything. Besides, he wanted to hear the story from Deans perspective. Balthazar  _had_ said that Dean hadn't been talking to his friends much those few months he had been dating Lisa, so how would he know exactly all that had happened during that period.

"She was...well...I don't know. She got over me I guess. She moved away, and we tried to stay friends for a while, but I guess she didn't think it would work. One day she just stopped talking to me altogether." He rolled his shoulder, spinning his straw around in his cup gloomily, "Shit happens. I'm over it. I've got you now."

"...Did you love her?"

"...I think so."

"I wouldn't do that to you, Dean."

Green eyes flicked away from the ice cubes clunking inside the glass to look up at Castiel. The light hit them ever so that it looked like there were hints of speckled gold. "Thanks, Cas." He said slowly. "I don't know what'd I do without ya, buddy."

XxX

"You wanna run away together, Cas?"

They were laying on Deans quilt at the top of the grassy hill in the middle of nowhere, staring up at sky while trying not to be blinded by the sun. It was quite difficult after a while, so Castiel gave up and just shut his eyes completely closed instead of squinting blearily up at the misshapen clouds. He wasn't sure how long they had been up here already, but the sun was still warming his face and every once in a while he heard a car drive by in the far off distance, so he didn't stress about it much.

He lay curled up against Dean. He could hear the thumping of his heart inside his chest, and even the odd gurgling noises his stomach gave off every other minute. It felt nice to simply be able to lie next to him in silence and enjoy his company.

"Where would we go?"

Dean hummed, tapping his fingers absentmindedly against Cas's shoulder, "California. New York. Hell, we could go to Italy for all I care."

Castiel laughed, "I would love to visit Italy with you."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhm."

"We'll just run away and we won't have to worry about nobody elses problems 'cept ours. Sound good?"

"I think you'd miss your brothers too much." Castiel nuzzled into Deans side, "But the thought is nice. Just you and me away together for as long as we want..."

Dean combed his fingers through Cas's hair, "Maybe one day then..."

"One day." Castiel repeated, dreamily.

They fell into silence again. With Dean petting his hand through his hair and the sun warming his skin like a blanket, Castiel nearly feel asleep. In his sleepy-like state, he muttered out, "Dean, what did your mother look like?"

"Whats that?"

"Do you remember what your mother looked like?"

Castiels head rose along with Deans chest. "Yea. I kinda do. I mean, obviously I have a bunch of pictures of her and stuff, but like...I don't really remember...what she looked like in like-real-real life I guess..? Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm having that problem as well."

"She had blonde hair, an' blue eyes. She was real pretty. My dad doesn't like to talk about her much, but if you get him drunk he'll start gettin' all reminiscent and crap and he'll go on and on about how Mom was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. They loved each other a lot. Dad says I'm like her."

"Thats so sweet, Dean."

"Hm. Yeah. She was great. I think I have a picture of her in my wallet."

"Can I see?"

"'course you can." He shifted around so he was able to dig in his back pocket for his leather brown, beaten up, wallet. Castiel opened his eyes once again in order to see the tiny faded picture Dean held out in front of him. In the picture was a woman and a child. The woman had her cheek pressed against her sons, they were both looking up at the camera, smiling.

"She's beautiful, Dean." said Castiel, "you have her smile."

Deans hears turned slightly pink, "Thanks."

"Nice bowl cut by the way."

"Hey, I rocked that bowl cut and you're just jealous."

"Actually, I quite am. You didn't grow up with three older brothers who liked to play hair dresser."

"Ohmygod they didn't."

"They did." Castiel winced, "They once tried to shave my head bald. Luckily my father stepped into the bathroom at the right moment. They cut my hair so short when I was five I might as well had been. They had spared me  _some_ large chunks of hair though."

Dean laughed, falling back on the blanket. "I'm so sorry, dude, but I'm going to have to ask Gabriel for a picture of that."

" _Ugh_ ," said Castiel, "I keep forgetting to burn all that evidence."

Dean laughed and rubbed his eyes from annoyance of the sun. He went quiet eventually and Castiel half expected them to fall back into their sleep-like state until he asked, "What did your mom look like?"

His heart stung in his chest, and he swallowed against it. "She had red hair like Anna, and blue eyes. Her skin was always soft and clear...When I was younger I remember her and my dad being nicer to each other. They were very loving and kind. But then as we got older...I don't know what happened."

Dean didn't comment, he laid with his arm flopped over his eyes to block out the sun, and his other was still wrapped around Castiel. When Cas sat up a little to look at him he gave a tiny nod to let him know that he had heard and understood.

Castiel laid back down on Deans chest, letting his heart drum against his ear.

Dean had apparently been mussing up the courage to ask his next question, because when Castiel heard it he would have been doing the same thing.

"Cas...do you still love your mom?"

Castiel's eyes fluttered back open and he flipped onto his stomach, supporting himself with his elbows, "To be honest...I don't know anymore." He distracted himself by pulling at the grass and putting it all into a neat pile to the side. "Do you love your dad?"

Dean huffed a fake chuckle, "Whats not to love?" Castiel gave him a look and he changed his answer, "Yeah. Yeah, I love him. It's hard to sometimes, but I do."

"God," Castiel sighed, his chest stinging slightly, "I'm a horrible son."

"Don't say that, Cas. You shouldn't feel guilty for something like that. Just because your blood...don't mean you're family. You don't have to love someone just 'cause they're your family."

"Yeah...I still feel bad though. Not just about...I don't know I feel bad about everything."

"Stop worrying about her," Dean pressed a kiss to his temple, "she doesn't deserve that from you."

Castiel leaned back against Dean and sighed, "Thank you. I..." He stopped himself when he realized what he was about to say. His mouth stayed hung open and the sentence left a heavy silence.

"You...?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"I appreciate you very much, Dean," Castiel congratulated himself on the recovery, "I'm so grateful to have you."

Dean smiled and kissed Cas on the top of his head again, "Ditto. I'm so glad I have you, Cas. I think I'd be lost without ya."

They laid back down together, facing each other now. The tips of their noses not quite yet touching, but their hands were holding each other.

"Do you really think Alistair is targeting us?" Said Cas, "I mean...you really think he wants to hurt us?"

"I dunno," Deans smile faded at once, "I wouldn't put it past him, but I don't think it's something we should worry about."

"Jo seemed really scared."

"Yeah, I know she did. But, hey, it'll be okay, Cas. When was the last time we saw those knuckleheads? It's not like we run into them everyday, I bet we don't see them the rest of the summer."

"And if we do?"

"If they try to mess with us, Cas, I'll mess them up so bad their moms will cry when they see 'em."

"Dean."

"What? I'm not gonna let any of those asshats mess with you, I mean it. It'll be the last damn thing they ever do."

Castiel smiled softly at Dean before closing his eyes to lean against the touch of lips against his own. Dean gave into the kiss at once, his hands moved away from Castiels to cradle his head lovingly. The sun continued to warm their skin while bits of grass tickled their ankles where the blanket wasn't long enough.

A simple wish fluttered through Castiels mind; that this day would never end.


	22. Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel stared down at the ice cream cone in his hand, the napkin he had been holding around the base of the cone was now crumpled and soiled with blue, yellow, and red.
> 
> "Hey," said Dean, flicking his eyes away from the road, "what are you so worried about?"
> 
> Castiel rolled his shoulder, "I don't know. I've just...been dealing with bullies all my life, but not like this. I've never had anyone threaten to kill me and someone else before."
> 
> "He didn't say that."

It was getting later now.

Castiel and Dean had spent the day having races rolling down the hill until their clothes and knees were so horribly grass stained, a soccer mom would have fainted at the sight of them. Dean then chased Cas around the hill top, trying to catch him so he could kiss him. Castiel was faster than Dean though, and kept ducking just out of his reach. Finally he slowed down just enough for Dean to tackle him into the ground. He had him pinned and straddled. He kissed him hard on the mouth before wiggling his fingers under Castiels armpits.

Cas roared with laughter, squirming under Dean to get him away, but fighting it was futile. Dean wasn't about to budge anytime soon, and the harder Castiel fought the more he tickled him.

"Dean, stop!" He attempted to shove his hands away between gasps of breath, "I can't breathe!"

"No way, man," said Dean, grinning.

Castiel pressed his hands against Deans chest and pushed him up and off him, only to wrestle him back down. They fought like this for a while, nearly tumbling down the hill together once or twice. They were a mess of laughter. Pushing, pulling, hitting, and kicking at each other until Castiel had Deans arm twisted backwards and he was crying uncle.

They fell back against the blanket on the ground to catch their breath.

By now Castiel was feeling that warm feeling again. He could feel it in his head and in his chest and his toes. It was everywhere and it was screaming at him to be let out. It was pushing at his vocal cords to be said

"Where did you learn how to wrestle like that?" Dean chuckled.

Castiel held up four fingers, "Micheal, Lucifer, Gabriel, Anna. It's survival of the fittest in our house."

"I guess so. Damn, you fight dirty, Cas."

"Just be glad I'm not Gabriel. His signature move is purple nurples."

Dean winced, "Jesus."

"Exactly. I used to walk around the house with my arms over my chest just in case he jumped out and attacked me."

"Thats brutal. Good thing Sam is the shortest one of the family. I think he's got a list of revenge ideas for me under his mattress."

"I don't think I blame him."

Dean shoved at him. "What time are you supposed to be home at? It's five thirty."

"I can be home at seven."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, my dad didn't really tell me when my curfew was."

"Awesome."

Castiel sighed contently, staring up at the darkening sky and the fading clouds. The sun wasn't directly in front of them anymore, so it was less painful on his eyes to look up into infinity.

Dean rolled over to press his chin against Castiels shoulder. "What're you thinking about?"

"School."

" _Ugh_ ," Dean hid his face into the back of Castiels neck, "don't say that word here. That's evil."

Castiel huffed a little laugh before sighing, "I don't want to go back. I hate school."

"What?" Dean scoffed, "You're so smart. I bet you're the best student in your whole damn class. You friggen read for fun, how much more of a nerd could you be? Why do you hate school? You're not some dummy like I am."

"You're not a dummy," Castiel said, "you're a genius, Dean. The teachers just seem to have a bit of trouble understanding that. They look at someone like me and think I'm destined for greatness, while kids like you don't even get a second glance and it's--its shit. It's so flawed, Dean, and I'm so sorry they make you feel that way. You're still staying in school right? You're not dropping out are you?"

"No, I'm not dropping out. I'm finishing school, like I told you I would."

"Good."

"But why do  _you_ hate school?" Dean pressed.

"Too much work. Not enough friends. Not to mention there happens to be a great shortage of Dean Winchesters in my school system." said Cas.

"That is a shame. I think my school is fresh outta Castiel Shurleys too."

"You don't say?"

"I think there's a conspiracy goin' on here, Cas. They just don't want us to be together."

"I believe so, Dean." Castiels heart sank slightly,and he rolled over to his side to bury his face into Deans side.

"You okay?"

"No. I want to stay here with you."

"I know," Dean squeezed him, "I wish I could go with you...But, Cas, you know-I'll wait for you."

He looked up, feeling a little red around the ears, "You heard that?"

"Yeah. Kinda."

Cas tearfully buried his face into Deans chest, nuzzling against the Hell Hazers 2 tshirt he was wearing. "Dean..."

"It's okay," he said, "it's okay, Cas. I know."

"I'll wait for you forever and ever, Dean." He babbled, "I'll wait as long as I have to. I knew you would too."

"'course I will, Cas..." He seemed like he wanted to say more but cut himself short, nuzzling his face into the top of Castiels head. "I'll wait here for you. I'm yours."

"And I'm yours." said Cas, smoothing the pendant with his fingers over and over again until he felt more asleep than awake. Around them the suns warmth was fading, and it felt like it was hours later when Dean asked.

"Wanna head over to Baby and make out?"

"I can't think of anything else I'd wanna do."

They scrambled up from their spot, gathering Deans blanket and racing down hill to the Impala. They nearly tripped over their own feet trying to get there first. Dean opened the passenger doors in the back and they both climbed inside. Castiel tossed the blanket in the passenger seat upfront before laying down on the warm leather seats.

Dean kneeled between his leg and propped himself up on his elbows. Castiel smiled against the first kiss, feeling the sweet warmth trickle all over his body. He combed his fingers through Deans hair, tugging at it to get him to gasp so he could flick his tongue along the inside of his mouth. Dean moaned happily against it.

"When did you get so feisty." He panted in Castiels ear when they parted, nuzzling his nose into Cas's neck.

"You'd be surprised what kinda things I think about doing to you."

" _God, Cas_ ," Dean groaned against his skin, rolling his hips against the inside of Castiels thigh so the bulge starting in his jeans would harden. Castiel rolled back in response, throwing his head back so Dean could leave a trail of kisses down his collar bone.

Dean began tugging at Castiels shirt, wiggling it up and over his head before tossing it to the ground. Castiel did the same with Deans shirt and flannel. He then pawed at Deans belt buckle, his fingers quickly pulling it out of the loops and sliding it out of his jeans. Dean sat back and let him undress him, watching his hands unsnap the buttons and zipper, pulling down the pants until they pooled around his knees and then Dean wiggled them off.

Dean seemed to be faster at undressing Castiel. One moment his hands were just starting to undo the buttons and the next Castiel was stark naked. He didn't even remember Dean taking off his underwear, but maybe he was just to distracted by the treasure trail on Deans freckled stomach.

"All mine..." Dean was whispering into Castiels ear, making him shiver, "all mine...and I'm all yours..."

"Yes...all mine..." was all Castiel could think of saying, because Deans hand was drifting father down than his erection. Deans thumb was pressed against his hole, and suddenly Castiels heart had jumped into his throat and his stomach was knotted and he was shouting, "Wait!" before his brain could even register the word.

Dean shot up at once, "Whats the matter?"

"I-I don't-I don't-" Castiel felt dirty and guilty. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that with Dean. This was going to be Castiels first time, and he wouldn't want his first time to be with anyone else but Dean, but he was still afraid. No matter how ready he thought he was in theory, he wasn't when it came to doing the actual thing. He felt so small and stupid sitting there in front of Dean with his eyes wide like a child's and his hands shaking. "I don't want-I'm not ready-I'm sorry, Dean, I'm really-I just can't-I-"

"Hey, hey, calm down," Dean said kindly, "if you're not ready, I'm not ready. I don't want to do anything you don't want to. It's okay, Cas. We don't have to."

Castiel nodded, unsure of what he should say.

"You still want to do something though?" Dean gestured to their erections, "or are we gonna blue ball it?"

"I'd like to do something, yes."

Dean snapped his fingers and leaned into the front seat to pull something out of the glove box. He had two dark wrappers in his hands, ripping one open with his teeth. He pulled out a transparent looking piece of rubber, that almost looked like skin.

"Is that a condom?" asked Cas.

"Don't tell me you've never seen one before." said Dean.

Castiel shook his head, "My health teacher wasn't allowed to show us. They thought it was encouraging us to have sex if they talked about anything else besides abstinence."

Dean threw his head back and laughed, "Jesus Christ, you Catholics kill me."

Dean pulled the condom over Castiels length, teasing Cas as he did it by slowly running his palm and fingers down the shaft. Castiel leaned against the touch, pressing the back of his head against the leather seats.

It was heating up inside the Impala, not so much that it was uncomfortable, but the back of Castiels neck was sweaty and the seat was pulling on his skin. The windows were foggy now, like the inside of Chucks glasses when he would open the oven door.

Dean merely smirked. He made sure that Castiel knew what he was doing, meeting his eyes when he bent his face down towards his crotch, "Is this okay, Cas?" he asked.

Castiel nodded quickly, letting him know to get on with it already.

The heat of Deans mouth around his erection had Castiels hips bucking almost at once. Deans tongue first swirled around the tip, and then pressed flat as he moved his head down towards the base.

Castiel moaned, tossing his head back, and trying to hold back his hips from thrusting into Deans face as he did that thing with his tongue and hallowed his cheeks. "Dean," he cried,  _"God,_ Dean!"

It was so hot and wet, and a bit frustrating with the condom on him, but it was incredible nonetheless. Deans hair was clenched in his fists, and every time Dean came back up there was a wet, slick, pop of his mouth that was making Castiel tremble for more.

Deans lips were wet and shiny as he spoke, "You're so pretty, Cas..." he wrapped his hand around his member and started to slowly jack Cas off, "Seein' you in Baby like this...God, I won't be able to sit in her without getting hard after this."

Castiel whimpered, clenching his fists to hold back his release just so this wouldn't have to end so soon. He was trying to enjoy every last minute of this, just so he wouldn't forget the feelings when he left. He wanted to soak up every bit of Dean he could. He didn't want to forget about him like he was forgetting his mother.

Dean went back to wrapping his lips around Castiels aching dick, his hand still stroking that part that he couldn't get into his mouth. Cas watched in awe. Dean seemed so good at this it was almost disgustingly filthy. He looked so good bobbing on his dick like it was his freaking job. Castiel bit hard on his lip as a moan escaped his throat. His hips jerked forward and his mouth hung open as his release filled the condom. He kept bucking slower and slower until his was too tired to move anything, and he fell back against the seats, panting heavily.

Dean took off the condom for him and cracked open the window to toss it out. Castiel half felt like snapping at him that that was littering, but he didn't want ruin the moment.

He sat up once Dean turned around from the window and pushed him down on the seats. "My turn." he said, still panting slightly.

Dean looked up at him with surprised green eyes flashing eagerly. He smirked, handing over the second condom to Cas.

Cas ripped it open with his hands, because while it was endearing when Dean did it with his teeth, he doubted it would have the same effect if he had. Knowing his luck he probably would have ripped the condom on accident.

He put the condom on Dean and gave him a few strokes of his hand before crouching down to wrap his mouth around it.

Feeling his weight on his tongue he tried to mimic Deans moves. He had his hands resting on Deans thighs and was rubbing them up to his hips and slowly back down again in coordination with his mouth moving up and down his length. Dean tried to mask his whimpers with more manly groans every time one escaped his lips.

Castiel eventually couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.

Dean blushed, practically squeaking, "What the hell's so funny?"

"You don't have to act so macho for me, Dean," said Castiel, "When you try to not whine it makes a funny noise and-I'm so sorry." He pressed his palm against his mouth to keep from giggling as Deans red face started to turn back to its normal color.

He mumbled under his breath, "Sorry...I'll stop."

"It's endearing." Castiel reassured, "Just...for the moment, go back to being hot instead of adorable."

"Right."

After that Dean didn't hold back any whimpers, and he was the loudest Cas had ever heard him while they were in bed together-well in this case in the car together.

Deans hands gripped at Castiels hair to hold his head in place while he fucked his mouth. He tried to hold himself back so he wouldn't gag Cas, but hit the back of his throat once. Cas had pulled off and coughed into his fist, eyes watering slightly. Dean apologized over and over again, and each time Cas told him it was fine. He went back to sucking him off, but Dean didn't try to fuck his face again.

Dean came with a grunt of Cas's name, filling the condom as it rested in Castiels mouth. He felt the warm liquid in the plastic on the tip of his tongue, and once Dean gave that final blissed out sigh, he came up and stripped off the condom off of Dean. He threw it out the same window Dean tossed out the other one, forgetting about his concern for littering for the moment.

They attempted at fitting together in the backseat, but the car was too sticky and hot to enjoy cuddling. Dean cranked open the windows to let in some fresh air as they put their clothes back on.

"What do you wanna do now? It's not seven o'clock yet." Dean said.

Cas thought for a moment, "Can we get ice cream?"

"Mmm," Dean hummed, "I love a good after sex ice cream run."

He laughed at him as he climbed into the passenger seat, and Dean went into the drivers seat. He plugged the keys into the ignition and the music started blaring at once. They kicked up dirt and gravel behind them as the Impala drove them down the road back to town.

Castiel watched the sun turn orange in the sky as Dean sang along to the lyrics of Carry on Wayward Son. His hands were tapping along to the beat of the music on the steering wheel, and Castiel just laughed at him. It only made his heart ache worse with the thought of leaving all of this behind.

XxX

Dean took him to the ice cream shop in town. The outside was painted with spots like a cows, except they were a powder blue. The sign was of a blue cow jumping over a crescent moon with white stars twinkling around it.

Dean took him inside and they ordered their ice cream from someone that Dean apparently knew from high school. His name was Garth and he seemed so happy to see Dean come in while he was working.

"I haven't seen you all summer!" He grinned over the counter, "How've you been?"

"Oh, I'm good. I'm real good. This is my-" Dean cut himself off, unsure of how he should introduce Cas. Castiel was all right with Jo and Ellen knowing of their situation, but he still wasn't out to his family yet...

"Boyfriend." said Castiel, reaching out a hand to shake Garths, "I'm his boyfriend. Castiel."

"Oh, well it's a pleasure to meet ya, Castiel! I'm Garth Fitzgerald was in my English class last year. Say, how's your little brothers doin'?"

"Sammy and Adam? They're good. Adams with his mom today and Sam's got a dog now so he's been busy showing me and my dad hes responsible enough to take care of the thing all summer."

They chatted for a while until Garth remembered that they hadn't come inside to talk with him and asked them what kind of ice cream they wanted. Cas got superman and Dean got apple pie. Garth waved to them as they left, telling them to stop by again.

"I liked him." Castiel said as they began to walk back to the Impala.

"Yeah," said Dean, "Garth's nice. He's a lot to handle sometimes though. He's  _very_  friendly."

When they turned the corner into the parking lot where Dean had parked, a two people stood surrounding the Impala.

"Whats going-?" Castiel began to ask, when he cut himself short upon recognizing two of the people. His blood turned to ice and his hand immediately clutched onto Deans arm. Azazel and Alistair seemed to be waiting for Dean to return to his car. However, Zachariah was no where to be seen.

Dean clenched his jaw, pulling away from Castiels grip and marching up to them. In his angry burst he had thrown his ice cream to the ground with a splat. It started melting on the pavement seconds after the two things met.

"Hey!" his voice was low and growly. It immediately caught the attention of the two around the car. Wicked smiles grew across their faces at once.

Castiel scampered along behind Dean, trying to keep up as the ice cream in his fist started to drip down his wrist.

"What the hell are you doing?" said Dean, "You touch the Impala and it's the last thing you ever do, I swear."

"Oh, we would never," cooed Alistair, "We just knew this was the easiest way to find you."

"Yeah, well, you found me. What do you want?"

"We were wondering if you would like to have a little talk with us." he said.

"And since your boyfriends here, he gets to watch." added Azazel.

"I think we'll pass." said Dean.

"What? Are you afraid?"

"No, it's just that I'm really not in the mood to kick your ass. Cas and I have been having such a lovely day, and your ugly faces are ruining it. Besides, I really like this shirt, and I'd really hate to get your blood all over it. C'mon, Cas." He glared at Azazel and Alistair as he shouldered past them, as though daring them to make a single move. He opened the passenger door for Castiel, making sure he was safe inside the car before crossing over to the drivers side.

"You can't just run away from us, Winchester," Alistair sneered, "We're going to teach you a lesson."

"You and your slut." crowed Azazel.

"You're never going to be able to walk through town safe again." Alistair shouted over the music that Dean was trying to drown him out with, "I know people! You should be afraid of me!"

Dean merely stuck his middle finger out the window at the two of them as they drove off.

Castiel had sunk so far down in his seat he was nearly on the floor.

"Cas, they're gone." said Dean.

"I know that." He replied softly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just..." he crawled back into his seat, "you really think Alistair would-?"

"No," Dean shook his head, "I already told ya, he's all talk. Don't let him scare you, that's letting him win. He knows you're scared and he's gonna feed off it."

"Okay."

Castiel stared down at the ice cream cone in his hand, the napkin he had been holding around the base of the cone was now crumpled and soiled with blue, yellow, and red.

"Hey," said Dean, flicking his eyes away from the road, "what are you so worried about?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder, "I don't know. I've just...been dealing with bullies all my life, but not like this. I've never had anyone threaten to kill me and someone else before."

"He didn't say that."

"But Jo said--"

"Cas, just forget everything about Alistair and his stupid friends, okay? We're not gonna let a bunch of douche bags ruin our good time together, are we?"

"No."

"We've only got a little bit of time left together."

"I  _know_ , Dean."

"Okay. Good. S'long as you know." He turned the music on louder and hung one arm out the window.

"You dropped your ice cream." Castiel said softly.

"I know."

Cas brought his cone up next to Deans face, "You want some of mine?"

Dean tried not to smile, but failed. He leaned over and licked at the melting ice cream before sitting back upright in his seat and saying, "You're too good for me."

"You've got ice cream all over your mouth, Dean." Cas smirked.

XxX

When they pulled into the driveway of the summer house, it was vacant of the family station wagon. The lights were all off inside, and the curtains were drawn shut.

"So much for being home at seven," said Dean, looking at his wrist watch to see it was nearly eight now, "Where is everybody?"

"It's all right, they must have went out to dinner." Castiel hopped out of the Impala, "We'll have the house to ourselves for a while."

Deans mouth instantly curved into a grin, "Awesome."

Castiel laughed at him as he walked up the porch steps and snatched the spare key out from under the welcome mat. Once he unlocked the door he placed it back under the rug.

"Thats been here the whole time?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, why?" said Cas.

"You've been havin' me climb up to your window in the middle of the night when I could have just been walkin' through the front door? You asshat." He playful shoved Cas's shoulder as they walked into the dark empty house.

"Oh, please, it wouldn't have been as romantic." Cas smirked.

"Forget being a romantic, I'd rather not break a leg just for romance."

Castiel rolled his eyes, going around the house to turn on the lights while Dean waited in the living room. When Cas returned he plopped down on a cushion next to Dean, curling into his side.

"So, uh.." Dean leaned back against the couch, his arm wrapped around the back, "what do you wanna do now?"

Castiel thought for a moment and shrugged.

"Well, when is your family going to be home?"  
"A half hour maybe? Less? I'm not exactly sure."  
"Hmm...well, how about we-"

"I know!" An idea sprung into Castiels head and he lept from the couch the instant it ran through his brain, leaving Dean open mouthed from being cut off in the middle of his sentence. "Do you want to see the record player? We haven't used it all summer."

"Oh, uh, yea, sure."

Castiel went to the bookshelf propped up against the wall in the living room, where it housed some records and the record player. "They're mostly mine," he said, taking a record off the shelf and blowing the dust off, "my dad has his own back home, and he has a big collection. The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Blue Oyster Cult. One summer down here I decided to start my own, and about every other weekend I would have one of my older siblings take me up to the record store and I would pick something out. I obviously gave up on that a long time ago, I only have eight."

"We should go get you some more then." said Dean, "We'll go up there sometime."

"Hmm...not if you don't want to run into Alistair again." He mumbled.

"Hey," Dean said hardly, "I said to stop worrying about them, they're just trying to get on your nerves."

Castiel didn't reply, pretending to be too interested in cleaning off the dust on the record player. Dean sighed, tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch and finally saying, "Play something won't cha?"

Castiel swiped an album back off the shelf and slid it out of its flimsy sleeve carefully. He twirled the black, shiny, plate in his hands once or twice, smiling at his reflection in it. He let it rest in the record player and it begin to spin. Lifting the tonearm with two fingers and dropping it on the disc and 1950s jukebox songs began bouncing off the walls of the house.

Dean let his head fall back over the couch and he groaned, "Castiel Shurley I cannot believe you right now."

"What?" Cas said.

"Really? Doowop?"

"I prefer classical music more now, but my mother got me into this when I was younger."

Dean started laughing, smacking his palm to his face, "I can't believe I'm dating someone who listens to classical and 1950s crap. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore, we're gonna have to break up."

"You know, I wouldn't put it past you to break up with me over music taste. I have to listen to your cassette tapes all the time in the Impala, Dean Winchester, you can listen to my music at least once!"

Dean held up his hands in defense at once, "Alright, alright, cool your jets. I'm just sayin'...I'll listen to it, but it's not gonna suck any less."

"Won't you dance with me?" Castiel walked back towards him, his hands outstretched in hopeful expectation.

"Dance?" Dean repeated, lifting his head and wrinkling his nose, making a face as though Cas had just suggested that they should go skinny dipping in a toxic waste dump. "You wanna  _dance_?"

Castiel nodded happily, "Will you please?"

"Dude...I don't really dance. Dancing is kinda for...you know..."

"What?" Castiels eyes went round, "My mother and I used to dance to this song all the time..."

Dean stared at him for a moment with a blank face. He realized his mistake, and it seemed as though he was trying to think of a way to backtrack his way out of it. He saw no other way other than to stand up and sigh, "I was kinda hopin' we could make out, but you know..." He took Castiels hand in his own, "...dancing is cool too I guess."

Cas beamed at him.

"C'mon! Don't be such a grump. It'll be fun!" He grinned, moving his arms from side to side as he twisted on the tips of his toes to 'Let's Twist Again'. Dean just shook his head, laughing. Castiel grabbed a hold of Deans wrists and pulled them from side to side to make him twist.

Dean finally caved.

He rolled his eyes, but he to turned to the tip of his toes to twist along the floor to the song.

They swung their arms back and forth as their toes grinded against the wood floor. Twisting their hips from side to side, laughing at each other, they were smiling so hard their eyes were squinted and they could hardly see the other. Castiel stepped back and released one of Deans hands and brought the other up in the air-still connected to his own-to twirl Dean around on the spot. Once Dean was facing him again they reconnected the hands that had been separated, resuming the dance they had been doing.

He stopped when Deans forehead touched his own. Their toes stopped grinding against the carpet, and their arms stopped swinging to the beat. Deans thumb was grazing over Castiels palm slowly back and forth. His eyes were half lidded, and all he had to do was lean forward just a bit to kiss Castiel.

It was slow, and sweet. It made a warmth flow though Castiels body and wrap around his pounding heart. He gave a squeeze to Deans hand when he parted. He looked up into the freckled face staring back at him, beaming.

The song that had been playing ended and a slower one began. The two of them sort of rocked back and forth in place in a sad excuse for a slow dance.

All sorts of feelings swelled inside Castiel the longer he stared at Dean. He wished he could find the words to spill out all these feelings to Dean, so he would know exactly just how much Castiel cared for him. But he simply couldn't. There were no words to describe these feelings. There were no words to describe Dean.

Castiel sighed heavily and pressed his face into Deans shoulder.

He chuckled, making Cas' head rock. "Whats the matter, Cas?"

"I cannot articulate how much I love you, Dean Winchester."

The word hung in the air like a gas cloud. The song was still playing but it might as well have stopped because all there was was silence. An inferno was burning inside Castiel in those moments.

He held his breath for an eternity, wishing he hadn't said that. He wanted to take it back as soon as it had come out. He should have just not said anything, made up something else. He shouldn't have told Dean something like this when he wasn't even sure if Dean felt the same way. What if he didn't love Cas back?

Castiel wasn't sure if he would be able to handle the answer.

Anxiety reared its ugly claws and dug them into his insides.

It was a mistake. They weren't ready for that. Castiel was being stupid. He shouldn't even be saying things like that when he knew that he would be leaving Louisiana and going back to a very Dean-less Illinois next month.

_Then again-_

he thought as Deans fingers went to his jaw and cupped his face so it was facing his. He tilted his head to the side slightly, smirking blissfully. Dean said it so quietly, Castiel may not have caught it if he wasn't reading his lips-

_-we shouldn't be doing anything like this. With me going back to Illinois next month. But here we are anyways..._

"I love you too, Castiel Shurley."

Dean pressed his mouth against Castiels. Bringing his arms to wrap around his back, and letting Castiel drape his over his shoulders to run his hands through the back of his hair. Deans teeth tugged on Cas' bottom lip, then smoothed it with his tongue. His hands gripped to Castiels back, pressing his against his chest, trying to get him closer even though they were already as close as they could possibly be.

Castiel permitted entry, and Deans tongue flicked inside his mouth, making Castiel stifle a small moan. The warmth was surging through Castiels body now, pumping in his veins and swirling around his brain. It made the anxiety tuck its tail between its legs, slinking away back into the shadows.

The kiss was long, but eventually Dean parted and whispered, "Love you, Cas..." pressing another kiss against him, "love you...fuckin' love you..." Castiel clung to him, not wanting the kisses to stop, not wanting the warmth to fade away. He wanted to feel all of Dean in every way. He never wanted to stop feeling... _this_. This love.

He knew eventually he was going to have to say goodbye to him. They were going to say goodbye and it was going to hurt. But right now, they had to enjoy every little bit of time they had together. The fact that Cas would be leaving was just making these kisses sweeter. For the time being.

Castiels legs felt like they gave out from under him, and Dean gently guided him down to the floor where he hovered over Cas and nuzzled his nose between his neck and collar bone. He peppered soft kisses and bites along this spot, making Castiel moan his name under every other breath.

Deans words were so quiet, yet they were louder than the music, "Love you...love you so much...I love you, Cas..."

"I love you, Dean." Castiel mumbled as Dean kissed his neck again, and his eyes rolled back in complete bliss. "You're all mine."

Dean rolled his hips down against Cas's, hardening the erection that was starting in Castiels pants. He gasped and grinded back in response, making Dean smile against his neck. "All mine." He echoed.

Castiels hands fumbled around Deans flannel until Dean finally sat back and took it off himself. When he returned to his spot Castiel wrapped his fingers around the necklace and pulled Dean down for a kiss.

He felt Deans rough palms smoothing across his warm belly and down to the crotch of his shorts. He unsnapped Cas's buttons and started to unzip the zipper. Castiel thought he could explode any moment now if Dean didn't pick up the pace a bit.

The lyrics were bouncing off the walls and filling their ears as they shared these intimate kisses seemed to slow down. Every word of the song was deep, slow, and had stretched out to an hour to say. For in the next moment, Castiel hadn't heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, but he had heard the ever quiet click of the front door opening.

By that time it had been too late.

It all happened so fast, at one moment Gabriel was calling for his brother normally, "Hey! We got some Kielbasa, Cast-" and in the next moment he was screeching, "- _the hell_?"

Castiel and Dean parted from each other and whipped their heads around to see the Shurley family all clustering between the entry of the living room and the front door. All open mouthed and wordless. Castiel could feel the blush rising to his face and the uncomfortable heat filling his skin. His swollen, red lips parted into an O, speechless as the rest of them. He and Dean were frozen on the spot, unable to even untangle from each other.

The record was still playing, yet a horrible silence hung in the air.

Castiel wasn't able to tell if Chuck looked like he was going to cry or if he was going to puke. His face had gone an odd color of white and pink. Samandriel looked confused, and the rest of Castiels siblings looked downright shocked. Staring at the scene of Dean sitting on their brother half naked with his hand down his pants.

Castiel wanted nothing more than to run away. His eyes flicked to Dean in some desperate hope that he would have something to say about this mess, something that would make this all less awkward, or something that would explain it all. Deans eyes were locked on the Shurleys, and every last one of his freckles was visible thanks to a scarlet blush occupying his face.

Chuck finally spoke, and when he did he was shouting loud enough that his voice broke. Without taking his eyes away from the scene he pointed up the staircase and said, "Samandriel go upstairs!"

Samandriel for once didn't protest. He darted away to the safety of their bedroom. The door slam could be heard across the house.

Castiel hit his head on the floor, covering his face with the palms of his hands and pressing them into his eyes until he saw colors and shapes, then he only pressed harder, hoping maybe he would wake up from this horrible nightmare.

Dean cleared his throat, "Mr. Shurley...this probably looks...confusing...we should probably explain."

"Please do," said Micheal, "I'd like to know how you two ended up half naked on our living room floor."

"Going at it like it's some whore house." added Lucifer under his breath.

"Dean, son," Chucks voice was hard to take seriously when it kept squeaking slightly, "I think you should put your clothes back on."

"Right. Um-yeah."

Dean got off of Cas and scrambled around for his shirt and flannel, managing to put his shirt on backwards and his flannel on inside out. Castiel felt like it wasn't really necessary to tell him at that time though.

Cas sat up and re-zipped his shorts and straightened out his shirt, sitting awkwardly on the hardwood floor, concentrating on his feet so he wouldn't have to look at his family.

He hardly heard his father ask him, "Is-is there something you want to tell us, Castiel?"

"Um...I'm gay...?"

"Well we figured that much. We want to know why the hell you were humping Dean Winchester in the middle of our living room."

" _Lucifer_!" Anna hissed.

"Because I'm dating him." Castiel stared hard at the seams of the couch cushions as the room went quiet again.

The record continued to spin, and Castiel was slightly grateful that it was still on. If it hadn't than the silence would have been a million times more awkward. It was still uncomfortable, but the music felt like a bit of a soothing crutch.

"I knew it," Gabriel suddenly shouted, taking a leap into the air, "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!  _HA_! I knew it all along and you kept telling me you were  _friends_! You were... always...lying..." His voice drifted away as he looked around at his siblings and realized that they didn't seem to be sharing his lighthearted attitude. Gabriel seemed to slink away behind Anna and disappear.

"Maybe you should go, Dean." Said Chuck gently.

This made Castiel nervous. Dean had promised to be there with him when he came out to his family, and now that they had found out in the most horrific way possible, he needed him to be there for him more than ever.

Dean slowly started to get up.

Castiel grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving. "Don't make him go," he begged, finally meeting his families faces for the second time since they arrived, "Don't go, Dean. I need you."

Dean crouched back down to the floor, sitting on the heels of his feet. "You've got this." He whispered just loud enough for Cas to hear, "if I don't hear from you later I'll be back tonight."

Castiel nodded to let him know he had heard him.

Dean combed his fingers through his messy dark hair before standing up and walking towards the crowd, carrying himself very cooly, and telling them all goodbye like he usually does when he stops by to visit.

No one said goodbye back.

Castiel stood up off the floor, twisting his hands nervously.

Chuck stepped into the room, and as though he were a mother duck, the others soon followed his lead. Huddling in the living room and around Castiel.

"Is this what you've been doing?" Chuck asked hollowly, "All those times I...Those nights when you'd come home late-?"

"No, no, Dad!" Castiel cut him off, "Not every night."

Chuck nearly fainted.

"NO! No, thats-thats not what I meant! I mean-Dean and I, we haven't been dating the  _whole_  time."

"How long?" Anna asked softly.

"A month. Nearly."

"Dean was the girl!" Lucifer suddenly shouted, as though striking an epiphany.

"What?" Chuck and Cas said at the same time.

"The girl!" said Lucifer, "The girl who gave you the hickey! It was Dean, wasn't it?!"

Chuck wheeled back to Castiel, his eyebrows furrowed, "You had a hickey?"

"Uh-" Cas swallowed, "Yes, and um, yes...Dean is the one who gave it to me."

"Since when have you been-" Micheal tried to sputter, "Since when have you been gay?"

" _Since when_?" Gabriel spoke up, his protective older brother qualities kicking in, "He's been gay his whole life, what do you mean  _since when?_ "

"Theres no need to fight," Chuck held up his hands to keep Micheal and Gabriel from going at it, "we're having a conversation with your brother. We're not turning this into a fight."

"Oh, please, father," said Micheal, "He thinks he's a-he thinks hes gay! Please let me talk some sense into him!"

" _Why_  Dean Winchester?" Lucifer scoffed, making Micheal glare at him.

Castiel was taken aback, "I-I don't understand the question..."

"Why him? Out of all the guys you coulda turned gay for-"

" _Turned_  gay." Gabriel growled, brown eyes turning amber. Anna patted his shoulder soothingly to keep his temper down. Lucifer just rolled his eyes at him.

"Well, I-I don't know," Castiel blushed, staring down at the floor again, "I don't want to go into detail for you all...I find him attractive and he's very kind...he's a good friend and I love him more than anything..."

"Oh, lord," Micheal pinched the bridge of his nose, "You  _love_ him? How can you say that? You hardly know him!"

"I think he knows him quite well given what we just walked in on."

"Will you shut up, Lucifer!" Micheal barked, turning back to Castiel, "You don't love him, Castiel. You're confused. We'll help you. Theres a Catholic church here that can help you and-"

"I'm not confused," Castiel frowned, "I know I love Dean. I know it. I know who I am now thanks to him."

"Dear, God, he's corrupted-"

"Stop it, Micheal," Castiel shouted the loudest he's ever spoken, making even his father turn wide eyed at his tone, "I'm not confused and this wasn't a choice! It's just how I was made!"

"Castiel-I-" Micheal sputtered, "I can't believe-"

"Boys," Chuck snapped at them, "lower your voices, please, Samandriel doesn't need to hear us-"

"How long will you keep telling yourself that?" Micheal scowled, "How long  _have_ you been telling yourself that? Did Dean tell you all this? Did he also care to tell you that he got a girl pregnant this past school year. And that his dead beat father dumped him off at some boys home for months?"

"Yes." Castiel half-lied.

"Mother was right, you should have stayed in Saint James. You should have never gone to public school like the rest of us. You can't handle it."

Castiel gritted his teeth, his nails pinching crescent moons into the palms of his hands.

"What would she think, Castiel? What would she have said if she saw you and Dean doing what you were doing moments ago? What do you think should would have done?"

"Micheal don't." Anna snapped. "Don't go there."

"She would have sent you back to church camp-"

"Oh, that's a great idea," Castiel finally barked, "send me to a camp full of boys where I would have to sleep in a room full of boys. Tell me, Micheal, how do you think that would work out?"

Gabriel clamped his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing, though a few giggles escaped, and even Anna and Lucifer had to bite back their smiles. He thought he saw his fathers eyes crinkling with amusement, but he wasn't sure.

Micheals face turned red, his eyes almost bugging out of his head, he only ever looked this mad when fighting with Lucifer, "Don't--I'm older than you and--and--you're  _not gay_ , Castiel! It's a sin!"

"I'm aware. But I still let Dean Winchester suck my-"

Castiel stumbled back on his feet, instinctively placing a hand to his smarting cheek as the pain shot up his face and made his eyes water. Anna had let out a small gasp and Chuck had grabbed Micheal by the arm at once, spitting out curse words that Cas has never heard come out of his fathers mouth before. Castiel blinked, still trying to process what had happened. His face was throbbing from where Micheal had hit him, but he couldn't seem to fully believe that his palm had hit his face. Annas hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were wet with anger, Gabriel stood wordlessly on the spot. Lucifer looked like he was about to sock one to Micheal for hitting their little brother.

Not once in Castiels life had any of his family members laid a hand on him like this.

Micheal seemed to finally understand what he had done. His face turned ghost white. "Cas-Castiel, no,-" he managed to say, "Castiel, I didn't mean-" Cas didn't stick around to listen to what his brother had to say. He pushed Lucifer out of the way and threw open the door, sprinting off the porch and around the house, vanishing into the woods.


	23. Forgive Me Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel just buried his face in his arms.
> 
> "I love Dean so much," he said, "I just love him so much, Benny....Benny I love him--I love him okay I love him--"
> 
> "Okay, dude, okay, you love him."

_"I think I'll leave right now. Thats what I'll do, Castiel. I'll run away. I'll run away from this family."_

Castiel had never thought about running away before, but now it seemed like this was the most brilliant thing Gabriel had ever said.

Dean and Cas had been able to keep this secret from the Shurley household for exactly 29 days. Their anniversary was Thursday.

Castiel didn't really have a coherent thought as to where he wanted to end up. He just wanted to run away. He thought about going to the park this way, and decided that that was where he would hide out and maybe call Dean to pick him up, but-wait-shit-he didn't have his phone on him. He thought about going to the park anyway until he cooled down enough to think right, but then decided against it.

He didn't want to cool down, he wanted to forget.

His cheek stung hot every time a warm tear curved a path over it. It made his stomach curdle. Micheal's angry and hateful words followed him all along the path into the woods. Until his mind drifted to other things.

He thought about how he was only running away from his problems again like his mother had. He hardly cared at the moment, he just wanted to leave everything behind him. He didn't want to see any of them, and he wasn't sure when or if he would want to see them again.

He didn't want to be their idea of who he was anymore. That Castiel who was awkward and sad, confused, and quiet. He didn't like being that, he liked being who he was now. Castiel Shurley who knew who he was, had good friends, good memories, who laughed and was happy, and was in love with Dean Winchester.

He knew they were upset because he wasn't who they thought he was, and it all happened too fast for anyone to understand.

And when his mother found out...

She was going to find out eventually. Someone would tell her, Castiel knew it. It could be Micheal or Lucifer or his father. Somehow she'll find out, and when she does she'll be crushed. He could picture the look on her face. Her eyes suddenly turning dark and her mouth falling in disbelief. She'll probably say 'what?' into the phone, hoping that she hadn't heard correctly because Castiel- _her Castiel_ -could never. He could never be...

He needed to leave.

He wanted to forget all about today. He wanted to scrub it away from his brain like a clump of dirt in the shower. He could never live up to their expectations. Everything about him felt wrong and filthy. He didn't want to be him anymore.

He was a mix of emotions and it exhausted him.

Years of church and classes at Saint James flashed before his eyes. He thought about his new and old classmates finding out, and his teachers. They'd all be shocked. Erase his name from their records because a Catholic school could never be known for having a homosexual student in their classes. It made him feel sick.

He loved God just as much as anyone else who attended Saint James, but because he was gay it would all be brushed aside at once. They'd probably pretend that they had never heard of a Castiel Shurley. Not to mention Samandriel would be ridiculed.

His chest flared up with hate and anger. He felt the need to destroy and punch and kick  _something_. At the moment he hated the whole world around him. He understood Deans anger when his father hit him that one night when they fought over Sams dog. He understood why Dean busted his hand punching a tree on the way over to his house.

He needed to destroy something before he destroyed himself.

_"Promise me? Promise me you won't go off and hang around people who drink, or smoke, or anything like that?"_

He shook his head, emptying it of his mothers words.

He had turned out exactly what she raised him not to be, and an odd sick feeling twisted in his gut from the fact. How did everything change so fast? Castiel tried to think back on when it all started. When everything started to be different, but he couldn't pin point it.

Was it when he came here for the summer? Or was it earlier than that? Was it the day his mother left? Or was it during one of those nights he stopped crying over her?

He didn't want to worry about it too much. It only made the need to punch something stronger.

Castiel ended up in Benny Lafittes backyard.

He wasn't the least bit surprised, he new exactly where the path would take him if he continued to follow it. However, he was surprised at himself when the first thought that popped into his head was to go and seek refuge at Bennys place.

He thought about what Benny had. He had things that would help Castiel forget all about tonight. To help him cope with everything that happened. All Cas had to do was run up there and ask.

Next thing he knew he was running up the porch. The usual sleeping cats were now awake and watching him with their round, curious, green eyes that made him uneasy. They stared at him as though they knew what he was up to.

He balled his hand up into a fist and pounded on the door. He could see lights and shadows flickering behind the curtain drawn windows.

He didn't stop pounding until the door was being yanked open, a quite confused Benny stood on the other side. He was already wearing pajama bottoms and a black concert shirt, the side of his mouth sporting the remaining bits of mint toothpaste.

"Cas?" He said in surprise, blonde eyebrows skyrocketing up his forehead, "What the hell are you doin' here? It's nearly nine o'clock."

"Can I come inside?" Castiel panted, his chest heaved and his lungs screamed for him to sit down and relax.

"Well, yeah, of course." Benny stepped aside for Cas to enter, glancing at him oddly the entire time. He then bent his head back outside and scanned the yard before turning back to him, "Where's Dean?"

"Home." he said.

Benny looked him up and down quizzically. "You guys have a fight or somethin'?"

"No." Cas deadpanned.

"...Okay then."

"Benny," a womens voice called from up the staircase, "whose down there?"

"It's Castiel!" He shouted back.

"Oh!" she said. Castiel had never met Bennys mother, so he wondered why she would recognize his name. Had Benny talked about him? "Is something wrong?"

"No, ma," said Benny, "everything's okay!"

"Okay. Don't stay up too late."

"Let's go to the kitchen, Cas." Benny took his arm and practically dragged him, Castiel felt as though he were in a dream like daze.

Benny pushed him onto a stool on the island, leaning a hand against the counter top with the other pressed against his hip. "Alright, spit," said Benny, "what the hell are you pounding on my front door for at nine at night? You look like you've been crying, and the side of your face is redder than all hell."

"I just...needed somewhere to go. I need to sit down for a minute."

"Thats another thing," Benny went around to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water, "Why are you so out of breath?" He placed it in front of Castiel, and he happily accepted it. "You running a marathon?"

Castiel ignored him, chugging down the water while trying to steady his breath through his nose. He was almost back to normal.

"Listen kid, you're kinda freakin' me out here. Tell me whats goin' on won't you?"

Castiel set down the water bottle, clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth with a satisfying 'ah'. With the back of his hand he wiped off residue from his mouth before turning to Benny and saying, "Nothing you need to worry about."

"Nothing I need to worry about," Benny parroted, "I'm pretty sure this is something I need to worry about, brother. My best friends boyfriend comes runnin' over to my house in the middle of the night just for a drink of water? I was born at night, but not last night, kid."

"I don't know what you're so upset about," said Castiel, "I'm fine."

"Have you looked at yourself lately? Did you get beat up or something?"

There was an ugly twinge in his gut. Benny might as well had punched him.

The water bottle crunched slightly in his grip when his cheek started to ache again. It burned so badly that he could feel the imprint Micheals fingers had left. He gingerly nursed it with his sweaty hand, looking down at the speckles in the island counter top.

He couldn't fathom the thought of being beaten up by his big brother. It was unheard of. Micheal was a lot of things, but Castiel couldn't picture him as an abuser.

His cheek stung to remind him what had happened moments ago, as though he needed reminding at all. He was still having trouble accepting all the details. Everything happened so fast it was as though it were a dream.

_"-as for his brothers. You've seen how they've turned out! You really want Castiel to turn out like them? Like Lucifer and Gabriel?"_

"Do you have any marijuana?" asked Castiel, not picking his eyes up off the counter.

If Benny had been drinking anything he would have spit it everywhere, "What?"

"Do you?" Castiel turned, eyes innocent and hopeful, "It's fine if you don't. I'd go for anything with alcohol as well."

"Uh, Cas," Benny was suddenly awkward, scratching the back of his neck, "I don't feel...right about this. Are you sure? You don't seem like that kinda kid. Why don't I call Dean for ya-"

"No," he snapped, "I know what I'm doing. Do you or don't you?"

Benny blinked, his blue eyes wide under his blonde hair that was sweaty and sticking up straight from wearing that hat of his all the time. Castiel had only seen him without it a few times and he always looked different whenever it was missing from his head.

He drummed his fingers on the counter top and clicked his tongue in his mouth before finally answering.

"Yeah. Follow me into the cellar."

The stool scraped along the tile as Cas got up and walked into the cold dark wine cellar below the house. The steps creaked under his feet, and the temperature was much cooler. The cold atmosphere felt nice against his sweaty neck and hot face.

Benny reached up and tugged on a chain hanging from the ceiling to turn on the light that buzzed. Cas stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by wine, but also by random shelves of baked goods and emergency supplies that were so covered with dust it seemed as though they had been here longer than the house itself. Benny left Cas to go off somewhere for a moment before returning with a baggie and a lighter in one hand, and in the other was a bottle of wine. He sat criss-cross on the cold floor, and Castiel mimicked him.

Cas watched with curiosity as Benny took pieces of paper and laid the drug out on it. He rolled it up and twisted the ends, setting it aside before making another one identical to it. He handed one to Castiel and kept the other for himself.

"You sure about this, Castiel?" He asked slowly, "You really wanna do this?"

Castiel nodded. The only thing he wanted to do was forget. He wanted to forget about this ache on his cheek and the discomfort in his stomach. He didn't want to think about his family and his mother. He wanted to forget this night ever happened, maybe even this whole summer, his whole damn life. He wanted to forget about being Castiel Shurley and start all over.

He put the paper into his mouth, making a V with his fingers to set it between them as he leaned forward to allow Benny to light it.

Benny hesitated, looking as though he was about to ask if Cas was really sure about this again, but he didn't and flicked on his lighter with a tiny snap.

The first drag had Castiel coughing into his fist, but after a few more times he got the hang of inhaling. He was disappointed at first, because he didn't feel any different. He was still thinking about things his family had said to him, and every single one felt like a punch to the throat.

_"Why didn't you stop her?"_

_"Whose side are you on, Castiel?"_

_"Ever since Mom left you never play with me. Is it cause-cause I made her leave?"_

"I don't believe this is working," he frowned, "should I take more?"

"Nah," Benny smirked and shook his head, blowing smoke rings into the air, "just give it a minute."

They didn't really talk for the rest of the time. Castiel was too focused on forgetting about everything he didn't have time to think of anything else to talk about, and Benny had stopped asking questions. Cas wouldn't have answered them anyway.

After a few minutes Castiel stopped feeling anxious and started feeling...like gravity was pushing him. He felt like he should lay down because his arms were so heavy and his head felt like a brick. Gravity was defiantly pushing on him. He felt more like a sandbag. He laid down on the cold cement ground. It felt nice against his cheek.

"What're you doin'?" said Benny.

"It's so heavy--" said Cas. He felt like he was in a dream. Benny seemed so far away from him but close at the same time.  "This is so weird...this is so weird..." He stared off at Bennys sock. Transfixed. "I'm so heavy, Benny. I feel like a hackysack."

Benny cackled like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

Castiel started snorting back laughter too, struggling to sit back up right because of the weight crashing down on him. His arms wobbled, and his knees felt like jello. He fell back against the floor with a smack and a loud bubble of laughter. "It's so heavy!" he cried out.

"Shhh!" said Benny, "my parents might here."

"Oh, shit," Cas clamped a hand over his mouth but he couldn't stop the giggles. He wasn't even sure why he was laughing, but he couldn't help himself. The situation was just so funny. 

Benny was doubled over in heaves of silent laughter as well. But he seemed to be handling it better than Cas was. He wasn't being bullied by gravity.

Cas felt like he could feel all the blood rushing in his body. His skin felt like it was on fire, but it didn't hurt. It was just tingling. He felt like he could sit up right now. The feeling of weights pulling him down went away, and now all he could feel was this strange tingling. He looked down at his hands, rubbing the pads of his fingertips together. 

"This is weird this is weird this is weird." he said.

Benny scooped up the wine bottle next to him and popped off the cork. He raised it to his lips to take a few small swigs before holding it up and shaking it. "Want some?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Castiel reached out his hands and took the bottle greedily. He put it against his mouth and let the liquid run down his throat until it burned. He placed it on the floor next to him, burping loudly.

Benny applauded it.

After a giggle fest that lasted longer than it should have, Benny asked, "So...you still not gonna tell me why you ran over to my place?"

Castiel considered it for a moment, taking another long swig of the wine. After he was done he pretended to be interesting in reading the label on it. The letters were all funky and weird looking right now, he couldn't focus on it. 

Benny was about to repeat his question, when Castiel finally gave an answer.

"You ever wish you didn't exist?" the words had stumbled out of his mouth.

"Umm..." Benny frowned, "I'm not sure...what you mean, brother."

"Like-like-" Castiel stumbled over his words again, "I dunno. Never mind."

"Is everything okay? You sure you didn't get into a fight with Dean?"

"I think I would remember that." He took another swig. The wine didn't really burn anymore. "Why would you think that anyway? You honestly think Dean would give me this?" He pointed to the side of his face that no longer stung with the outline of Micheals hand.

"No," said Benny, "I didn't think that. I don't know what I thought."

Bennys eyes followed the tilt of the bottle as Castiel raised it to his lips again.

"Who hit you?" he asked.

Castiel hummed to himself, shaking the bottle back and forth to watch the wine beat against the sides. "Guess."

Benny frowned, "Uh, okay. Was it Alistair, or Azazel?"

"Nope."

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't Zachariah. He can't punch a sack of flour...It wasn't him right?"

"Not him."

"Uh, God, I dunno, Cas. Just tell me."

"It was Micheal."  
"Your brother? Why did he hit you?"

Castiel rolled his shoulder like he hadn't the slightest idea, "Dunno." He downed another chug of wine.

Benny glared at him darkly, getting annoyed. "Whats with you? Why are you lying to me about this?"

"I don't have to tell you anything." Castiel stuck out his tongue, getting ready to raise the wine bottle to his mouth again.

"I don't think you need anymore of that," Benny made a grab for the bottle but Cas yanked it away, "Castiel, you're goin' real hard on that wine. This isn't like you."

"I just wanna forget okay!" Castiel said, "I just want to forget everything, so it doesn't hurt anymore."

"What?" Bennys face paled slightly. "What are you talking about? Why can't you just tell me?"

"Why would I." he barked loudly, making Benny flinch in surprise from the outburst.

Bennys blue eyes looked hurt and sad, but Cas tried to pretend he didn't notice.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Castiels frustration echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls and ricocheting back to them. Benny seemed slightly awkward sitting there, like he was unsure of what to say. Castiel would have preferred if they hadn't said anything to each other the rest of the night, but for some reason he couldn't keep himself from talking.

A memory trickled back into his brain; sitting in this house at the kitchen table with Dean.

_"You're a blabbermouth when you're drunk."_ he had said.

Castiel muttered under his breath, "My family found out about me and Dean."

"What?" Benny said for the thousandth time.

Castiel wasn't really paying attention to him though, he was just rattling off everything that had been racing through his head in the past hour or so. Cradling the wine bottle in his hands and watching the liquid slosh around inside.

"Micheal is so mad. He's so mad at me. He thinks he can change me and that I'm confused."

"He can't do that-"

"I  _know,"_ Cas didn't really know why he was being so mean, but it felt good to take his anger out on somebody. "You think I know this isn't a choice? If it were then I would choose to be straight just to be normal."

He took another long drink of wine.

"You are normal, brother. Don't say that. You don't mean that. What about what you have with Dean? You wouldn't trade that just to make your family happy would ya? You can't pretend to be someone you're not."

"God.  _Shut up_ , Benny."

"You're drunk and high, Cas." Benny finally pulled the bottle out of his hands before he could drink more of it, "I should call Dean."

Castiel put his face into the palms of his hands, shaking his head and muttering, "My mother...my mother...she's gonna bury me alive." He hadn't heard a word of what Benny had said.

"No she's not."  
"Yes she is. She can't have a gay son. She'll kill me before she admits to having me."  
"Then she's a bitch who doesn't know-"

Castiel snapped, "What do you know about anything?"

"Why are you yelling at me for?" Benny screamed back, getting to his feet with his hand clenched around the neck of the wine bottle, "I'm just tryin' to help you!"

"Why?" Cas hissed.

"'cause that's what friends  _do_ , jackass."

Castiels heart twitched painfully. He had never been kind or had ever really treated Benny as a friend of his, and yet Benny still considered him one.

Benny was kind of an idiot.

Castiel pretended to scoff, hugging his knees to his chest. "I don't deserve friends like you and Sam." he said.

"Don't pull that crap, Cas."

"I don't. I don't deserve Dean either. I should have listened to everyone else and not have gotten caught up in all of this. I'm just another one of his flings that's gonna up and leave him heartbroken."

"You  _know_ that's not true."

"He doesn't deserve that again. I'm no better than Lisa."

Benny nearly dropped the bottle of wine."He told you about Lisa?"

"More or less." He mumbled.

"Shit...Cas-Lisa-you're nothing like her, okay? Dean is ten times happier with you than Lisa. You don't need to worry about her."

Castiel just buried his face in his arms.

"I love Dean so much," he said, "I just love him so much, Benny....Benny I love him--I love him okay I love him--"

"Okay, dude, okay, you love him." 

"Everything was so good, Benny," Cas choked, "it was going so well. Then-Alistair-Alistair is gonna hurt Dean because of me and-and I keep thinking about what'll happen when I go home, and everyone is fighting-they're fighting because of me-I want everything to go back to normal. I want my mom back."

"Why do you want her back so badly? You wouldn't be happy, Cas."

"I'm not happy now."

"Okay, you're not happy  _now_  now, but in general-"

"Everything sucks. I want my mom back because I could at least pretend everything is okay..."

"Cas..." Benny bent back down, placing a hand on his shoulder, "everything  _is_  okay. You don't need your mom here. Hasn't it been getting better since you got here?"

Castiel pushed him away lightly, not wanting to admit that Benny was right. "Everything changed too fast...too fast..."

Benny slowly stood back up, his knuckles cracking when he curled his fingers to his palm. "I'm calling Dean."

Castiel just stared bitterly at the wall. He was hoping that Benny would try and pry more information from him so he wouldn't call Dean. However that wasn't the case.

Without another word, Benny turned on his heel and hurried back up the wooden, squeaky, staircase. He left the door hanging open behind him.

Castiel glared at the top of the staircase and got to his feet. He didn't want to cause even more trouble. He had already caused so much tonight, and now Benny was calling Dean to help clean up this broken mess Castiel had made. He didn't want to be burden anymore.

He didn't even know why he came here in the first place. Forgetting about everything didn't work, and coming here only made him more upset. He wanted to leave everything behind. Rip it all off like a band aid.

He climbed up the stairs and spotted Benny talking on his phone in the kitchen. His back was facing Cas, so he figured that he wasn't aware that Castiel had come upstairs. Castiel hoped to keep it that way. He shuffled quietly along the floor, heading towards the front door while keeping an eye on Bennys back. He could hear the conversation he was having with Dean.

"Hey, are you home?...Because Cas was pounding on my front door at nine o'clock crying and his face all busted...He said his family found out about you and him...Jesus really?! Dude...Anyway-Dean-he came in here asking to get high and drink with me...Yeah, I gave him some, I kept asking if he wanted me to call you and if he was really sure about it, cause you know, it's  _Cas_  for Christ sake...He wanted to do it, Dean! Now he's talkin' crazy...Yeah, I'll watch him until you guys get here...I'm really scared for him, brother, he's talkin' like he-"

Castiel threw the front door open and darted off the porch. He heard Benny cursing behind him and shouting for him to come back, but Castiel was quickly disappearing back into the woods. Tears were stinging at his eyes from the thoughts racing through his mind about how he hoped no one would find him out here. They blurred his vision, preventing him from seeing exactly where he was going. Twigs from branches slapped at his face, and thorny bushes pulled at his legs and socks.

He didn't want to be found-he just wanted to stop  _thinking._

His heavy breathing and thumping heart echoed in his eardrums, but that still didn't stop his brain from wheeling. Everyone's voices were loud and coherent, like they were sitting right on his shoulders and yelling the words right into his ears.

_"Don't ever get friends like that, Cassie...you find some nice friends."_

" _Castiel isn't like that!"_

_"He was hanging out with_ Dean Winchester?"

_"I mistook you for a couple of faeries I saw earlier."_

_"Cut it out, Balthazar. I'm not a homo."_

_"Boys don't kiss boys, Gabe!"_

_"There's homosexuals here...you shouldn't be around people like_ them."

_"Oh, yeah, sure. Like_ you _would be interested in_ guys _!"_

_"Listen, Benjamin, if you didn't know that your-uh-'_ brother'  _was a faggot by now that's your own problem."_

_"Well, I hate it when you act like him!"_

_"You're my good boy, Castiel."_

He wanted them out, he wanted them out of his head. They were making his brain hurt and a headache was starting to throb around his temples. He wanted to stop thinking so much. He clawed at his hair as though it would make him stop, growling under his breath bitterly to himself.

_I need to get out of here,_ He thought,  _I gotta get out of here._

Where exactly he would leave to, he didn't know. It was more of a feeling of just wanting to sleep for a month or so, rather than wanting to get out of this town.

The wine sloshed around in his stomach, making him feel sick. He could feel vomit burning the back of his throat.

Deans voice suddenly broke through everyone elses. It was so clear that Castiel swore that it had been real, that Dean had been standing right next to him when he thought it.

_"I love you too, Castiel Shurley."_

It made his heart clench and twist in his chest, the weight of guilt suddenly crushing him so much he could hardly breathe.

Castiel attempted to skid to a stop, expecting to see Dean right beside him. He stumbled, trying to turn on his heel, and lost his footing. He found himself toppling over and rolling down a hill until landing with a horrible smack in some mud at the bottom. The wind whooshed out of his lungs from the impact, making him cough up the vomit that had been itching the back of his throat.

The mud was cold and thick, clotting his clothing and stinging the cuts all over his body. He struggled to sit up and look at himself in the darkness, his whole front covered with the dark mud.

" _Uck_." He snarled, spitting out the few bits of the bad taste still lingering in his mouth.

With shaky arms he managed to pull himself out of the mud and onto dewy grass. The coldness of it felt nice against his face. It felt like the cement in Bennys basement. His head was painfully swirling and dizzy, even more so from his fall. It was so difficult to keep his eyes open. 

He decided that he would just lay down and rest for a moment. It seemed like a good idea. His head was pounding along with the beat of his heart, and everything ached along with it. He just needed to rest.

Just for a while.

For a little while...

Maybe when he woke back up, everything would be okay again.

 


	24. It's a Wonderful Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He prayed that his family and Dean would be alright if he never found a way out of here.He prayed very hard and it comforted him up until the moment he heard footsteps coming towards him.
> 
> His stomach dropped with the fear of the monster finally coming for him. He was going to be on Unsolved Mysteries one day, and he could see himself becoming a story to tell little kids to come inside before dark or else they'd end up just like him. Eaten by some goat monster in the woods of Louisiana.

The white piano keys felt like coming home under the pads of his fingers.

Castiel looked up at the portrait hanging up above him, smiling back up at his family as they watched him. He glanced back down at his hands, dancing across the keys as he played Ubugoe.

"You're really good." said a voice.

Castiel turned around to see Dean, dressed in his usual leather jacket and his usual hair band concert tshirt underneath it. He was swaggering over to the piano bench, a lovely grin etched on his face.

"Dean," said Castiel in surprise, "What are you doing here? I'm home in-"

"You think I wouldn't want to visit?" Dean forced Cas to scoot over on the bench. "Your house is so nice, Cas."

"Thank you, but how-"

"And your mom is wonderful."

"My-my mom?" Castiel swallowed hard. "You met her?"

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen." said Dean. "You're a lot like her, you know."

Castiel was too dumbstruck to reply.

"Won't you play some more? She loves to hear you play, you know. I do too." said Dean.

"I-Dean-I-I don't understand-"

Dean shushed him, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his mouth. Castiel pushed him off, no matter how much it hurt him to do so.

"Dean, we shouldn't," said Castiel, "my mother-she doesn't know about me yet. She wouldn't-"

"It's okay." Dean murmured, suffocating Castiel with another kiss.

Cas didn't push him away this time. Dean was in Illinois with him, and apparently so was his mother. She was home now, and Dean was with him, and that's all that mattered right now. Castiel could figure out everything else later, he decided.

"Cassie!" a shrill voice suddenly had Castiel bolting up right from the piano bench, nearly knocking Dean off.

"Mother!" He squeaked back, turning around to look at her.

She looked the same as she did the day she left, but something was off. Like there was something missing from her. The rest of his family was behind her, trying to peer over and see what was going on in the living room.

"Castiel what on earth are you doing?" She stormed over to him and Dean, latching one of her hands around Deans arms.

"Mother-"

"Castiels gay, mother!" said Micheal, following her step.

"What?" She shrieked, "No son of mine is a homosexual!"

"It must be a phase," said Micheal, matter-of-fact, "All because of that boy."

They both stared pointedly at Dean sitting on the bench, he looked back at them with round, guilty, eyes.

"No!" cried Castiel,but neither of them paid attention.

"Castiel I forbid you from seeing Dean Winchester ever again." his mother jerked Dean up off the bench and started dragging him away.

"No!" Cas chased after her but Micheal caught him. No matter how much he squirmed and kicked and screamed, his brother would not let go.

Dean reached out an arm to grab a hold of Cas, and Cas reached out his own in attempt to hold his hand. Dean seemed so close, but Cas just couldn't seem to get to him.

"Please don't!" said Castiel, tears in his eyes as he watched his mother take Dean farther away from him, "Please! Mother, please, I love him!"

"Love?" she hissed, her eyes were different. They were no longer the motherly, loving, eyes Castiel had grown up to identify. They were cold and dark like a dark sky threatening a hurricane on the way. "Haven't you learned anything from your father and I? There's no such thing."

Castiels hand dropped to his side, he stopped struggling against Micheal's grasp. His heart felt as though it had been shot and it was withering away in his chest. He stared blankly as Dean continued to fight to be with him, shouting things that he would never say.

"You're just like her, Cas! You run away! You ran away just like her! That's all you know how to do, isn't it?"

He felt his chest caving in on him from those words. His heart shattering like glass, and the shards were cutting into his lungs. He fell against Micheal, his knees suddenly jelly and were unable to hold him up.

Everything was falling a part.

The room was swirling and pictures were breaking off the walls.

Micheal still clutched him tightly even though he wasn't putting up a fight.

Dean was still shouting, but his voice was inaudible.

His mother, her face distorted, and her eyes blank, stood there. Smiling a red lipped smile to Castiel.

"You're my special little angel. Aren't you, Cassie? Like mommy like son."

With a jerk, Castiel woke up.

His heart was hammering loudly in his chest, beating against it so hard it was practically jumping through his skin.

He sat up too quickly, making his head spin.

Everything was cold.

"Where-Where-Gabriel-?" His voice echoed in the still air. "Dean?"

He looked around and it dawned on him that he had no idea where he was.

He remembered running through the forest now, and how he ended up here in the grass and mud, but the trees and shrubs were all unfamiliar. Everything was too dark to tell which way was which. He couldn't even remember which way he had come from.

Castiel got to his feet, turning around on the spot and gazing up at a starless sky.

He suddenly felt tiny and insignificant.

He backed up until he ran into a tree, and he gripped it for a dear life. When he was younger his father always told him if he ever got lost to find a tree and hug it, so this seemed like the best and only option he had. Castiel had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

He just couldn't help but get himself into trouble.

He sat back down on the hard ground, pressing up against the tree bark. His eyes went wide to help him see in the dark. He felt sick to his stomach.

_What have I done..._

The nap he had must have knocked some sense into him because Castiel no longer wished to run away and never be found, he wanted to be home in bed with Gabriel and Samandriel sleeping with him. He wanted to hear the sounds of their breathing and dreaming, as he fought to stay awake to continue talking to Dean for a little while longer through texting.

The mess of emotions that had swarmed in his brain were calmed now, and he was able to think straight without them getting the better of him. The anger and hatred was still sort of there, but was no longer blurring his vision. The reality that he might actually stop existing here in the middle of the woods terrified him. This wasn't what he wanted at all.

He wanted more than anything to stop being a burden, but he was going to be even more of one if they never found him here.

The mud was dry now and still cold. It weighed down his shirt and pants. It was horribly uncomfortable. Nothing like when he thought gravity was pushing him down--that was just funny and even a little scary. This was just miserable. He could feel his hands, knees, and face sticky with blood. His stomach was empty and growled at him. He felt like he had been sleeping for ages.

_Castiel what have you done,_ he scolded himself,  _look what you've done..._

He hugged his knees to his chest, tearing up once more while thinking about never seeing anyone he cared about again. He thought about what Gabriel would do if he never found his way home again, what Micheal and Lucifer and Anna and Samandriel would do, and his father. His mother even. Would she even care if she found out that her homosexual son had disapered into the woods? Would she even want him to be found?

His heart sank at the thought of their pain, and from never getting to call his mother back.

He thought about his cousins, his uncle and his aunt. He thought about Sam and Dean and Adam and Jo and Benny. All his new friends that he would never see again. He had never felt so selfish in his entire life.

"I really fucked up..." he sputtered.

This was all on him. He ran away because it was all he knew how to do, and if he had only stayed at Bennys, or had confided in him for help, then he wouldn't be out here lost and scared.

He was still upset at Micheal for loosing his homophobic temper and hitting him. But he would still give anything to see his big brother right now, even if Micheal didn't accept who he was.

It was still Castiels own fault for getting himself lost. He was the one who ran out of Bennys house with a belly full of wine. He didn't wait around for Dean to get him like he should have had, and ran off into a forest that he didn't know anything about. He should have known better.

Pressing his wet eyes against his forearms he thought about how angry everyone was going to be if he ever managed to get out of here. He worried about what everyone was going to say. He wouldn't blame Gabriel if he never wanted to speak to him ever again for keeping up this charade of lying over and over again. He already knew Micheal's opinion on the matter of course. He assumed that everyone else was probably confused and upset and because of the way he came out he wasn't sure if they would ever accept him or trust him ever.

The anxiety inside him was killing him, and all he could do was sit and stare at the darkness.

All he had wanted to do was forget about everything, and to stop existing for a while. He just wanted to sleep it off for a bit, and all those choices had been the wrong ones. Castiel was just digging a hole in the sand and it was filling up with water.

He jumped at the snap of a twig, whipping his head around in the darkness to see if he could spot anything. The first thought that came into his head was the Goatman. Castiel shook his head almost at once, telling himself to stop being ridiculous. He wasn't going to let some stupid story Benny Lafitte told him scare him now.

But once the thought was in his head, he couldn't get it out.

Every other noise he heard was the cause of the Goatman, and with every passing second Castiel got more and more terrified. He swore he detected the horrible smell of blood in the air, and something round and red staring at him through the bushes. He covered his eyes and muttered to himself a passage that he had memorized since first grade.

" _Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me_..." He repeated it to himself a few times before whispering an actual prayer.

He prayed that his family and Dean would be alright if he never found a way out of here. He prayed that God would look after them and make sure that Dean stayed in school and that Gabriel made it into college. He prayed for Sam and Samandriel to turn out all right, and for Micheal and Lucifer to finally stop fighting. He prayed for his fathers new book, and even for his mother. He prayed very hard and it comforted him up until the moment he heard footsteps coming towards him.

His stomach dropped with the fear of the monster finally coming for him. He was going to be on Unsolved Mysteries one day, and he could see himself becoming a story to tell little kids to come inside before dark or else they'd end up just like him. Eaten by some goat monster in the woods of Louisiana.

He held his breath as a golden light panned around the trees and grass. The footsteps crunched at the top of the hill Cas fell down. He thought he heard someone calling his name.

"Castiel!" the voice called, "Cassie! Where are you?"

Castiel thought he was hearing things.

"Castiel! Castiel!"

He nearly cried. This wasn't a dream or some crazy hallucination.

"Balthazar?" He croaked, relief washing over his pounding heart.

His cousin halted and the light was being shined directly into Castiels eyes. He brought up his hand to block it out, squinting back at Balthazar, who looked as though he was only wearing his pajamas and sneakers.

"Castiel!" He hollard, sliding down the hill to him. "Castiel, thank God you're all right!" He crouched down and held his cousins shoulders tightly, looking into his face with tearfully happy eyes. "You look like shit."

"Thanks."

"What happened? You're covered in mud! Are you bleeding?"

"I fell down." Castiel held out his hand for Balthazar to help him up.

"Well, obviously," Balthazar said as he got them to their feet, "But what were you thinking tonight? Thats what I really want to know. Is this where you've been?"

Castiel sighed, "I was on a bender. Please, Balthazar, I just want to go home. Can I just tell you when I get home?"

"Of course, Cassie."

Balthazar helped him up the hill and started leading him back the way he had came.

"I can't believe you found me..." Castiel said as he and his cousin walked shoulder to shoulder down the beaten path. "I didn't even know where I was."

"Well, growing up around here has it's perks, you know." said Balthazar. "Know the place better than the back of my hand."

"How long have you been out here?"  
"An hour or so maybe. I don't know. I lost track of time. Hang on-"

He pulled out his cellphone and called someone. "Hey, I got'em...yes! He was in some ditch somewhere not far off from Bennys...no, no, it was farther than that which is why we couldn't find him...hey-hey-calm down a moment, I'm heading back with him right now, will you tell the others? Thanks. See you later." He tucked the phone back into his pocket.

"Who was that?" Asked Castiel.

"My sister. Her and Anna can call everyone else, and deal with all the crying. I hate crying, it's so awkward, and you know how I deal with awkward, Cassie."

"Wait," said Castiel, "Anna-Naomi-they're looking for me too?"

Balthazar looked at him like he was nuts, "Of course, Castiel! Why wouldn't they?"

"I-I don't know..." He scratched at his arm absentmindedly, picking off flecks of dirt and mud, "I still can't believe you found me to be honest."

"Well, I was determined not to loose you," said Balthazar with a smile, "if you remained lost then I'd have to promote Gabriel to my favorite cousin. Honestly, you couldn't leave me with him. I'd go mad."

"I'm so sorry. Sincerely...Balthazar I'm sorry I put you through this..."

Balthazar slung his arm around his shoulder and hugged him, "You're lucky I'm a forgiving person, Cassie. However, you'll have to make it up to my mother. Shes going batty looking for you. I think you should be expecting lots of gross auntie kisses and chocolate chip cookies the next couple of days."

Castiel genuinely smiled, and it felt good. "Whose all looking for me?"

"Half the damn county."

"Who is really."

"Okay, it's not half the county. Turns out they couldn't make it, but it might as well be. It's your whole family and mine. The Winchesters, and Benny, and even Jo and Miss Ellen."

"They came too?"

"Yep."

Castiel went quiet for a moment, trapped in thought. A few hours ago he couldn't care less what happened to everyone around him if he had disappeared, and he felt so incredibly selfish for that. They had been searching all this time.

He didn't allow himself to cry.

He swallowed hard before saying, "Did my dad tell you anything that happened?"

"Well, I didn't really hear it from your dad, I heard it from my mom," said Balthazar, "she was half hysterical when she came into my room to wake me up. She said that you had run away into the woods and no one knew where you were. I asked if anyone had called Dean and she just said she didn't know, we were going to look for you. When we all met up at your house Dean was on his way. I didn't get a chance to see him before we split up."

"Do you know-" said Castiel, choking, "do you know if anyone's...angry with me?"

"Angry?" Balthazar thought for a moment and then shook his head, "I don't know about angry. Everyone just seemed really worried and scared."

Castiel wasn't sure if that made him feel better. "Oh."

"Why would they be angry?" he asked.

"I just thought...I don't know, I just thought they would be."

"Cas," said Balthazar, slinging an arm over his shoulder, "trust me when I say this, everyone is going to be so happy when they see you're okay, they're not gonna have time to be mad at you."

Castiel forced a small smirk when his cousin beamed a comforting grin at him. He thought about all the questions that were going to be asked and all the lectures he was going to be given, it all sounded so exhausting. He just wanted to get this all over with so he could just take a bath a fall asleep in his soft bed.

They walked in silence the rest of the way back. Balthazars arm around Castiels muddy shoulder, and Castiel walking half asleep along the path.

They walked all the way back to Castiels house, where all the lights were blazing inside. Just as they were reaching the edge of the woods, he could spot a few people standing in the living room. He couldn't quite make out who they were yet, but thought he could spot Samandriel on the couch.

Balthazar helped him around the house and up the steps of the porch until suddenly the front door was flown open to show that Aunt Rachel had raced here to greet them. "Castiel James Shurley!" Was the only thing she said before rushing down the porch and throwing her arms around him in her bone breaking grip. Balthazar had stumbled aside for a moment, merely watching his mother suffocate his cousin.

She didn't say a word the entire time she hugged him, but when she pulled them a part her expression seemed furious, "Don't you ever scare us like that again. You hear me?"

He nodded wordlessly. He had never seen his aunt so angry before in his life. It was bit scary to see all this anger pointed towards him. She hugged him again, cradling the back of his head with her hand like he was a baby and kissing the top of his hair. "I'm so glad you're all right."

Her purple robe was now soiled with crusty dirt.

"I'm getting mud all over you, Aunt Rachel." He warned, his throat feeling tight.

"Shush." She said, "Don't mind that."

The porch creaked twice, and their heads shot up to see who had caused it. Chuck stood there, his eyes bloodshot and his hands shaking. Uncle Joshua, Ellen, Jo, and Samandriel also stayed huddled in the doorway.

Chuck wet his lips before speaking, "Rachel," his voice was oddly tight, "Rachel...let me see him...let me see my boy."

She stepped aside at once, taking a hold of Balthazars hand.

Chuck didn't wait a second longer to step forward off the porch and scoop Castiel into his arms. A trembling breath escaped him. It was one minute away from being a sob, but it seemed like he had already cried himself out and there was nothing left.

Castiel felt his fathers hands grip tightly in his hair, and his beard brushing against his temple as he lay his cheek on his head. They stood there together for a long time, slightly rocking back and forth. It was enough to put Castiel asleep. And for a moment he felt like he was two years old again and his father was holding him in the rocking chair in his nursery, reading to him as Cas slowly drifted off to sleep.

When he let him go, Castiel feared his father was going to hit him. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, bracing himself for what would come and telling himself that he deserved it this time. But then, Chuck shrugged of the trench coat he was wearing and wrapped it around Castiels shoulders, "You must be freezing, Cas," he said gently.

"I'm not that cold..." he muttered to the ground.

Chuck cupped his chin with his hand and jerked his head up so he could meet his eyes in the glow of the lights from the house. "What were you thinking?" said Chuck, "How could you-how could you just run off...?"

Castiel swallowed, his eyes welling with tears at the thought of turning out to be just like his mother. His heart sank horribly down into a dark pit, "I-I don't know...I'm sorry, Dad. I'm really...I was really scared. I didn't know-I didn't think you guys would-"

Chuck shushed him soothingly, petting his hair and cutting him off. "It's okay. It's all okay now, sport. I'm just glad we found you. I still love you all the same, Cas, you know that, don't you?"

"I know, Dad." he choked, finally believing that maybe it would be okay after all.

Samandriel bounded over, pushing the others out of the way so he could squeeze through the doorway. He wrapped his arms around Castiels waist, burying his face into the trench coat. "I saw you run into the woods from our room, Cas," he said, "an' I almost chased after you until Lucifer caught me. He said I woulda got lost too. I thought you ran away to that place where mama is..."

"Samandriel..." Castiel said, "I wouldn't-I wasn't-"

"It's okay, Cas," His little brother looked back up at him with his kind and innocent face, "you don't gotta be sorry. It's all okay now. I know you were scared and you wanted to leave. But, next time, can you tell us were you're going first? It'd be easier to find you."

Castiel couldn't help but smile down at him, sniffling and nodding. "I'll do that."

Samandriel rubbed his face against the coat again before releasing him and flashing him a toothy smile.

"Well, what are you all standing outside for?" Called Ellen from the doorway, "The kids probably freezing his little butt off! Come on!"

Aunt Rachel was ushering Castiel inside at once.

When he stepped into the light, Jo gasped into her hand at the sight at him.

"Castiel," she said softly, "you look awful."

"Oh, sweetie," Ellen cupped his chin, unable to resist her motherly nature, "you sure did a number on yourself."

"I can grab the first aid kit," offered Uncle Joshua.

"We'll wash his face while you do." said Aunt Rachel, and he headed up the stairs.

Castiel looked around the house to find it empty. No one else had returned yet.

"Where is everyone?" he said.

"Not back yet." Said Jo. "They should be here in a minute though."

Just then, the door opened behind him to show his sister and Naomi rushing inside, closely followed by Micheal and Lucifer. They nearly knocked him over if they hadn't skidded to a stop in time.

"Castiel!" They all said at once.

Naomi and Anna simultaneously gave hugs to him, squeezing his bruises and making him flinch. When they parted Anna started shaking her head and grabbed his cheeks, her gunmetal blue eyes watering and loosing their spark.

"You're a real idiot, you know that?" she said.

"Yeah."

"You're the coolest little brother I've got," she choked, pinching his face with her nails, "don't pull this crap again."

Castiel brought up his hands to fold them around his sisters. When he did so, her grip turned gentle, and they fell slowly back to her sides. "I promise I won't, Anna. I won't."

"Yeah," she jerked a hand away to brush her nose with the side of her wrist, "well, you better not. Just don't be an idiot. Okay?"

He nodded at her as Naomi gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder before going to join her mother.

Micheal stood awkwardly at Lucifers side, staring intentionally down at his own feet.

Lucifer clapped a hand on Castiels head, ruffling his hair with a good natured, yet very tired, smile on his face. "I'm glad to see you back, little bro."

Castiel leaned against his touch, bringing up his hand to wrap around his brothers wrist as a way to tell him that he was glad to be back without speaking to him. The two stepped aside without another word, and without Micheal meeting his eyes.

" _Where is he_?" Gabriels voice could be heard from Tokyo. "Where's that pain in the ass little brother of mine!"

"Gabriel, wait up!" Raphael shouted after him.

The pounding of their footsteps vibrated the floorboards under Castiels feet as they ran up the porch. The screen door and the front door both swinging open and banging against the wall with a slam that echoed throughout the house.

Gabriels eyes locked onto Castiel and narrowed dangerously. He stormed up to his brother, "You." he said,"Castiel-you-" he seemed to be at a lost for words after that, only able to express himself by flailing his hands and waving his arms in circles over his head.

He finally balled up his fist and punched Castiel as hard as he could in the shoulder.

"Ow?" Castiel frowned at him.

"We searched half the damn state looking for your stupid ass!" said Gabriel, "You are-you're so-Castiel what the hell do you think you were doing?!"

Castiel shrugged.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, "I swear to God, Cas, if you ever scare the crap out of me again like that, I'll leave you out there. I hope you know this trumps that stupid roller skate story of yours. I don't owe you shit after this!"

Castiel sniffed, trying to hold back his bottom lip so he didn't start bawling in front of everyone and embarrass himself. "I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Gabriel."

Gabriels face finally softened, and he seemed to catch his breath. "I know. I know, Cassie."

"I was really scared, Gabe."  
"I know."  
"I didn't mean to-I didn't want-"

"Castiel," Gabriels arms were suddenly holding him in an embrace that nearly had him tumbling over the edge and bawling all over his brother, "Castiel it's fine...I was scared too."

"I didn't want to lie to you, Gabriel. I'm so sorry for lying about-"

"Hey, stop that." Gabriel squeezed him tighter, "Honestly, baby bro, I don't care about that. I'm just...I'm really glad you came back."

Castiel at that time wanted to unload everything to his brother. He wanted to tell him everything he had been thinking and feeling, and everything about Dean, and he didn't even care that everyone was watching them he just wanted everything off his chest then and there.

But a hurricane under the name of Dean Winchester came barreling through the door the next second.

Castiel picked up his head, and his heart jumped happily the moment he saw him. "Dean," he gasped. But then he read his face, and instead wanted to cower in his brothers arms.

His jaw was clenched and his eyes were so hard Cas could barely make out any hurt in them.

Gabriel released him and stepped aside, allowing Dean to rush forward, Benny and Sam in tow. He was angrier than Gabriel had been.

"Castiel, Jesus Christ." was the first thing he said.

"You look like shit, dude." Benny said from behind him.

"Are you-where have you been, Cas?" his voice was weirdly wobbly. "Where've you been, man? We looked all over!"

"I was-I fell." said Castiel. "And then I fell asleep."

"You-You fell asleep-why did you run away from Bennys, huh? Why would you do something like that? Why didn't you wait for me, I was on my way!"

"Dean, I'm-"

"Just-what-What the hell, man?" Dean cut him off, "What were you doing out there, huh? What are you crazy or something?! You can't just run off by yourself, Cas! We couldn't find you anywhere, you could have been dead in a ditch for all we knew! Someone-someone coulda hurt you or-or- _Dammit_ why didn't you just call me?"

"Dean, he's okay." said Sam.

"Lookat him, Sammy! He's not okay! He looks like he went to hell and back for petes sake! Jesus Christ, Castiel-" Dean gripped his arms tightly, as though fearing if he let go Cas was going to run off again. Castiel saw the redness puffing around the dark green eyes, and the cherry red nose holding back sniffles of snot. His jaw was no longer steady, and was trembling horribly. "Don't you ever do that again!"

Cas merely shook his head wordlessly, unable to speak from how awestruck he was that he hadn't seen Dean cry before now. Dripping down his freckled face were hot tears, sliding down the curve of his cheek to the tip of his chin and falling to his boots.

"You-friggin-" Dean sputtered before wrapping his arms around Cas and crushing his bones, "-son of a bitch."

Castiel brought his arms up to hug him back, nestling his face into the shoulder of his leather jacket. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, pinpricks of tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"I thought I lost you..." Dean choked, "you really scared the shit out of me, buddy."

"You and everybody else..." Cas laughed wetly, "I was stupid, Dean. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I ran away-I won't ever do it again. I swear-I swear. Don't cry, please don't cry."

Dean petted his hand through Castiels hair, sniffing before sitting up right. His face was blotchy and puffy. It made Cas feel so sick for doing this to Dean.

"You're okay..." he said softly.

"I love you, Dean," said Castiel, "I love you."

"I love you too, Cas."

Castiel went to kiss him, but Dean stopped him.

Through his tears, he smiled, his exhaustion showing through it. "Dude," he said, "your breathe reeks."

"Sorry."

"Stop saying that already," Dean laughed wetly, hugging him again, "you're okay."

A pair of hands that hadn't belonged to either of them suddenly came up and rested on their shoulders. Castiel looked up to see his father standing in front of them, and his heart suddenly sank when he remembered that he had forgotten that his family was standing right there the whole time.

He didn't know what he was so scared of, his fathers face showed nothing but gentleness. However, Castiels anxiety still feared the worst.

"All right, All right," he said, "It's all right..." he then turned to everyone else in the room, "I know it's late enough already, but I really appreciate you all coming out here to find my boy. You're all welcome to stay here as long as you wish." he looked back to Castiel, "Why don't you go get cleaned up, Cas."

Castiel just nodded, separating himself from Dean finally, and walking slowly up the stairs. The millions of eyes following him until he vanished into the bathroom.

Castiel peeled off his muddy, crusty clothes, dropping them in the corner of the bathroom on the clean white tile floor. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he hardly recognized himself. Cuts and blossoming bruises were spotted all over his body. He gingerly ran his finger tips over them, just testing to see how much they would hurt when he touched them. He ached all over.

He sighed, turning on his heel to run the water for the shower. The bathroom soon filled up with steam and fogged the glass on the mirror.

He stepped inside and let the water pelt his face, covering his body like a warm, wet, blanket. The water around his feet was mixed with mud and blood. Pooling and swirling down the drain. The cuts on his hands stung when he squirted shampoo into his palms to scrub at his hair. He winced, but ignored the pain. He then scrubbed at every other body part with a wash cloth until his skin was burning pink. By then his whole body hurt to stand, and he was so tired and warm he didn't want to leave.

He shut off the water and raked open the shower curtain to see Dean sitting on the toilet.

"Dean!" He jumped. His first instinct was to cover himself, even though they had seen each other naked a number of times now. "What are you doing?"

He pressed a finger to his lips, "Shhh, I wasn't supposed to come up here, but I wanted to see you. I thought you might need help fixin' yourself up." He then held up a fluffy blue towel for Cas, and he wrapped it around his waist.

Dean got up so Cas could sit on the toilet seat, and pulled out another towel, scrubbing at his hair until it stood up straight.

"I can dry myself." said Cas.

"I know."

Dean didn't stop drying him with the towel.

"Where's your first aid kit?"

"Under the sink." said Cas. "Whats going on down there? Did my siblings have a million questions for you?"

Dean chuckled, "You better believe they did. Gabriel was following me around, like he was trying to make sure I didn't come up here to see you. I sent Sam over his way and got him off my back." He bent down with the first aid kit at his side, clicking it open and pulling out the disinfectant and bandages. "Remember when you fixed up my hand for me?"

Castiel dipped his head, smiling at the memory. "I remember. Theres still blood stains on the tile thanks to you."

Dean sprayed at the little cuts from the thorns around Castiels ankles and legs, and then moved up to his arms. He wrapped a large bandage around the cut on Castiels palm, putting regular skin-colored ones on the others.

Castiel didn't exactly like being treated as though he couldn't take care of himself, but since it was Dean he let it go just this once, and even thanked him.

"You feelin' okay?" asked Dean.

"Yeah. Just sore."

"Good." Dean stood up and kissed his forehead. "I'll wait for you downstairs, okay? I'll try to hold off your relatives until you get down there." He gave him a quick smile, trying to make him feel better about the whole situation. Castiel tried to smile back.

"Dean." he stopped him as his hand fell around the door handle.

"Yeah?" his eyes were full of concern, ready to aid Castiel in anything he needed help with. Ready to kiss away anything that hurt.

Castiel loved that about him.

"Do you...do you think I'm like my mother?"

Dean frowned, his eyebrows furrowing over his eyes, "What do you mean?"

"Running away."

Cas stared down at his knee caps so he wouldn't see Deans reaction, but in the next second Dean was crouching back on the tile, trying to meet his eyes again.

"Cas, Cas, no. Why would you think that?"

"Because I am like her..." he mumbled, "I ran away from the problem just like her...I caused...I caused all this anger and-"

"Castiel Shurley," said Dean, his hand cupping his cheek, "you are nothing like your mother."

Cas sniffed.

"You know what the difference is between her and you?"

He shook his head as Dean brushed his thumb under his eyelid to catch a tear Cas hadn't even felt coming.

"You came back."

Castiel threw his arms over Deans shoulders, taking in the scent of motor oil and leather. "I love you."

"I love you too, Cas."

They sat in the bathroom for a moment or so in silence. Listening to the sounds of each others heart beats, and the dripping of a few stray drops of water from the shower. Until Dean stood up, saying he should get back down there before someone gets suspicious. He combed Castiels hair back and kissed his head before leaving.

Castiel watched the back of his leather jacket slip away behind the door, and with a click of the handle, he was alone again.

He didn't feel anxious about how accepting his family was going to be, because that had already been covered. He had a good idea of who was going to be accepting and who was going to need a little more time to process it all. He was okay with that, but he was still nervous about all the questions that were going to be asked, and he was afraid of being treated differently. He didn't want things to change between him and his older brothers or his cousins or his father even just because he was out now.

He wrinkled the towel in his hands, watching the remaining water in his hair drip down and splash against the tile.

He couldn't keep Dean waiting.

He got up and went into his bedroom to change. He shrugged into a fresh shirt and sweatpants before combing his hand once through his hair and padding out to the staircase. Castiel heard the light and happy chatter bounce up to the second floor where he was standing.

He gripped the railing with a clammy palm as he walked down the steps. The bubbles of laughter and talk growing louder by the second. His feet finally hit the hardwood floor with two smacks outside the archway of the living room, which drew the attention of Raphael.

His cousin looked back over his shoulder at Castiel, flashing him a tight lipped smile that looked painfully forced, "Hello, Castiel." he said.

"Hello." Castiel swallowed against the lump in his throat.

Their little conversation cut all the conversation in the room, and had become the center of attention at once. All eyes were on Castiel.

Castiels heart rate immediately sky rocketed as soon as everyone's voices cut off like a skipping DVD movie. However, like always, Balthazar came to the rescue.

"Cassie!" He launched himself off the chair he was sitting in, nearly dumping his hot chocolate all over Naomi who was sitting on the floor next to the chair. She gave him a piercing glare that he didn't see, but would have felt.

Castiel let his cousin take him by the arm and pull him over to the couch where Dean, Sam, Gabriel, and Jo were sitting. There weren't any places left to sit on the couch, so Castiel just assumed he'd sit on the floor, but Balthazar decided to thrust his cousin into Deans lap. Neither of them were expecting this, so Dean nearly dumped his steaming hot cup of cocoa all over himself and Cas.

"Jesus-Balthazar!" Dean snapped at him, saving the mug with one hand and Castiel with the other, "Warn a guy next time."

Balthazar merely gave them both a coy smile before heading back to his seat.

The room fell back into silence after that.

Blushing, Castiel mumbled incoherent nonsense to himself and Dean as he tried to rearrange himself on the couch, managing to squeeze himself between the Winchester brothers. Sam was small, so it wasn't difficult to have them all fit if Dean shoved himself against the arm and Sam pressed against Gabriel.

Once situated, Castiel looked around the living room, taking in all the company.

His cousins and siblings were sprawled out on the floor, all expect Balthazar and Gabriel of course, who had claimed their spots on the furniture. Benny perched himself on the arm of Balthazars chair, and Miss Harvelle sat on the love seat in the corner with Aunt Rachel, who was holding a shaking cup of cocoa. Uncle Joshua was standing next to her with a reasuring hand on her shoulder. Chuck managed to walk in with the last tray of hot chocolate during this time, looking around at all the nervous faces and trying to relax them by flashing a smile. He handed a cup to Castiel, and took one for himself before sitting down in the last remaining chair.

Castiel stared down at the marshmallows bobbing in his drink, melting away into the brown liquid before he was able to eat them.

Someone coughed.

"So...did Balthy set you two up?"

"Mum!" Balthazar rolled his eyes so hard they would have stuck to the back of his head.

"Well-" said Aunt Rachel, "I just thought!"

"Um, no," said Castiel weakly, "Balthazar didn't set us up. He didn't even know we were together till a while after we got together."

Dean merely nodded his head to support the statement.

"Oh. And when was that?"

"The fair." said Dean."That day we all went together."

"That was so long ago." said Naomi.

"Yeah..." was all Cas could think of saying.

"Why did you not tell us, Castiel?" Lucifer asked, leaning forward slightly while cupping his feet with his hands while he sat crisscross on the floor.

Castiel shot a glare, but it didn't seem to bother his brother, "It's not as easy as you think it is, Lucifer. I was still working out everything on my own, how could I come out to all of you when I didn't know anything myself?"

Deans fingers snaked secretly up to brush against Castiels elbow soothingly, remaining there in silent support.

"We're your family." said Micheal.

Castiels chest burned, "That-you're not  _listening_. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you all in the first place. I had no idea how accepting you would all be or what you would think of me. I only felt comfortable with Gabriel and Balthazar, and even then I couldn't tell them about Dean. Balthazar found out by accident..."

"Pretty much like everyone else did." Muttered Dean, resulting in a tension breaking chuckle erupting around the room in small spurts.

It was true though. Everyone in this room had found out about Castiel and Dean by someone other than themselves. The only person they had actually told was Garth.

"I was going to tell you," Castiel explained, "just not like this..."

"We still love you all the same, Cassie," said Aunt Rachel. "You know that, right?"

He nodded wordlessly.

"To be honest, I'm shocked Castiel was able to hide the fact that he was dating someone for a month," said Anna, "he's the worst liar in the family and not one of us knew-"

Gabriel shot up his hand, " _I knew_!"

"Shut up, Gabriel," said Anna, "you didn't know."

"Yes, I did!"

"If you knew, I would have heard it." said Lucifer.

"Oh, please. You think I tell  _you everything_?"

"Just about everything."  
"I didn't tell you Cas was gay did I? I've known the longest out of anyone here. Besides Cas of course. I've known all along that Dean and Cas were a thing."

"Actually," Balthazar wiggled his fingers, "I knew they were a thing  _before_ they were even a thing."

"What?" Barked Gabriel, "How could you know that? That doesn't make any sense!"

"I'm an expert at reading people," said Balthazar, smirking, "I could tell Cassie liked Dean before he even admitted to it."

"You're lying. I knew it first."

"I am not! Tell him, Cassie, the first week you came here I-"

"Are you guys really fighting about who knew about us first?" said Dean. "That's kinda messed up...besides...Benny totally called it."

"I did." said Benny, grinning. "Called it that day we went swimming."

"No way!" said Balthazar, "I called it that day we threw eggs at Alistair's house!"

" _You what_?" Chuck, Aunt Rachel, and Uncle Joshua all shouted at once.

"I mean-" Balthazar gulped, raising his mug back to his lips and taking a long slurp, "I think I need some more hot chocolate, anyone else?"

Aunt Rachel gave her son a cringe worthy glare as he stood up and hurriedly shuffled away to the kitchen to pretend that he was filling up his mug with more hot chocolate. Benny stole his seat while he was away.

"So," said Samandriel quietly, "you and Dean are...boyfriends?"

"Yes, Samandriel."

"That's weird. It's funny."

"Why is it funny?"

"'Cause I never saw a boyfriend an' a boyfriend before! It's just weird. Do you guys like..." he bent forward and whispered, " _kiss_?"

Dean and Castiel snickered. "Yes, Alfie." said Dean.

"Samandriel," said Anna, "we just walked in on them kissing like two hours ago."

"Well I didn't see!" he defended, "I just saw them laying on the floor!" He turned back to Cas and Dean, looking up at them with curious blue eyes, "Do you like each other a lot?"

"Yes, Samandriel. Very much." smiled Castiel.

"Then why did you run away, Cas?"

His smile flipped. "Because I was scared."

"Why?"

"Micheal...he hit me..." The grip Dean had around his arm suddenly tightened, apparently that part of the story had been left out. Castiel tried to ignore that for now, "Everyone was yelling and it was very overwhelming. It wasn't how I wanted everyone to find out about my secret and it took a very bad turn. I was scared about what everyone was going to think and say and I needed to leave. At least for a little while. Thats why I ran off like I did."

"Well," said Samandriel, matter-of-factly, "I like you, Cas, and I like Dean. He's really nice and he makes you laugh, so I like you two together. You don't gotta be scared."

"Thank you, Samandriel." Castiel said to his kneecaps, trying to hold back the blush that was rising to his face.

The room went quiet again, as though everyone was waiting for someone else to comment.

Micheal finally did, "I'm really sorry, Castiel. For hitting you. I'm sorry. I don't know what got over me."

"Sorry ain't gonna cut it-" Dean growled.

"Dean." said Castiel, cutting him off before he could say something that they'd all regret. He turned back to his brother, unable to look him in the eyes. "It's fine, Micheal. Thank you for apologizing."

"Cas," said Dean, "It's not-"

Castiel gave him a sharp look to tell him that they'd talk about it later. Dean understood and said no more. Still, he was unable to relax after that. His shoulders remained rigid and his jaw was tight, his smooth green eyes turning to stone after a blink.

Ellen started laughing. A sort of laugh that she tried to hold back, but the bubbles of laughter eventually took over and she shook her head while her daughter glared at her until she spoke. "You two are hilarious," said Ellen, "it's like you're already married." She was still laughing and shaking her head as she took a sip of her hot chocolate, "Adorable. It's adorable."

Dean and Castiel both looked at her with blank faces before turning to look back at each other. They seemed to think  _marriage_  at the same time because they turned red at once and turned away.

The room erupted into laughter.

"Cassie is far too young to get married!" said Aunt Rachel teasingly.

"Rachel, dear," said Uncle Joshua, "you're embarrassing them."

"They deserve it!" said Gabriel.

The mood seemed to relax a bit after that. They went on to talk about other things, taking away the attention from Dean and Cas, and they were both grateful for that.

Castiel sighed contentedly as they listened to his father tell a story about a girl he had a crush on in high school. He said he would write poetry for her and slip it on her desk when she wasn't looking.

"I was a horrible poet," he exclaimed while everyone snickered, "this is why I stick with short stories now. I would have never made it as a poet!"

Cas pressed his forehead against Dean shoulder, eyes heavy with sleep.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" said Dean.

Castiel hummed in response, gripping Deans hand tightly in his own. He smiled dreamily against Deans jacket, fighting to stay awake so he wouldn't miss anything. Everyone seemed to be having such a good time now, he wanted to make sure he remembered it all.

"You think it's okay?" Cas said softly.

"Yeah," said Dean, "I think we're just fine."

  


 


	25. Mommy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't you dare go quiet, Cas," he said, his voice softer but still holding the same intensity, "I swear to God I won't be able to stand it if-I can't just sit here and let you suffer like that again. I hated it when you were quiet, dude! I hated it! You were always by yourself, and-and never asking for help even when you needed it the most. When you were like that it made me feel like you felt like you couldn't ask for help. That you didn't have anyone. I just wanted my brother back, and I've finally got'em and...I can't-I can't lose you like that again, dude."

Later that night Castiel lay in his bed staring into the darkness while listening to the hum of the motors from the cars passing on the road. It was very late now. It was practically morning.

One by one their guests had left. They would go to the door, thanking Chuck for the hot chocolate and the great stories, saying they had a great time. Chuck would shake his head and tell them he couldn't repay them enough for all they've done. Then he would look off affectionately towards Castiel, who didn't leave Deans side all night.

Dean and Sam were one of the last people to go. They left when Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joshua did. By that time Sam had fallen asleep on Gabriels shoulder, drooling and curled up next to Gabe like a newborn puppy and its mother. Balthazar took many pictures.

Castiel was listening to the Impala pull out of the driveway now. He would know the sound of it anywhere. He could also detect the faint sound of the soft rock station playing on the radio, but it faded away all too quickly. The brothers were gone.

It was very dark by now. The sky was turning lighter, warning everyone that the sun was due to rise in an hour or so. Any minute now the birds would be waking up and start singing.

Castiel didn't want to think about waking up. He just wanted to sleep until he was 100.

A whisper awoke the sleeping room.

"Cas." said Gabriel.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

Castiel rolled over to smile in the direction of Gabriels bed, making out a deformed lump that was his brother tangled in blankets.

"Honestly," he said, "I've never been better."

"I'm glad," he said, "I really am...for you and Dean I mean. I'm happy for you guys."

"Thank you."

"And I'm sorry...about the way I acted before. What I said about Dean and you before you were even together...I made you not trust me, and that's worst thing I could ever do to you, Cassie. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, Gabriel. It's okay now."

There was a long period of silence between the two. It was only broken by occasional rustling of bed sheets and dreamy, contended sighs. Castiel thought that his brother had drifted off to sleep, and was about to do so as well.

"Cas." he whispered again.

"Yes, Gabriel."

"Do you think...Dad'll tell Mom? About you and Dean?"

Castiel could've sat up straight in his bed if he hadn't been so exhausted. His heart was racing, and his blue eyes grew wide staring into the darkness, trying to make out his brothers face on the other side of the room.

"I don't know." he said simply.

"Do you want him to tell her?"  
"Not really. Would you want her to know you're bi?"

Gabriel went quiet again.

Castiel went on whispering.

"I think I want to call her back, Gabriel. I think I do. When I was in the woods...I thought about dying out there, and I felt horrible for never calling her. I think that means that I want to. But...I don't know what to say. What could I tell her? I can't tell her anything-she would never-she would-I don't even know what she would do if I told her the truth. If I told her everything. But I don't want her to hear it from Dad either. What do you think?"

When Gabriel spoke again, his voice was the softest Cas had ever heard it be. It was like he was hearing a six year old version of him speak. "I'll come clean if you do."

Castiel frowned slightly, rolling back over in his bed. "You've only come out to Balthazar, Anna, and I. You really want the next person on that list to be Mother?"

"...We should go to sleep."

"Yeah."

Gabriel didn't talk anymore.

XxX

The next morning was more like the next late afternoon for the Shurley family.

It was a lazy day every where it seemed. It was quiet outside and inside. The sun wasn't too hot, which made it one of the most comfortable summer days yet. Everyone was taking advantage of it.

Castiel managed to make it downstairs before three o'clock. Dean wasn't even up yet by the lack of a "good morning handsome" text Castiel had on his phone. Being up before Dean was always a personal accomplishment.

"Well, look who decided to roll out of bed," Lucifer announced when he saw his brother, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, enter the living room. "the man of the hour. Glad to see you're here and hickey free, Cassie."

Anna shoved him with her foot. "Do you ever think before you speak?"

"Wheres the fun in that?"

Chuck just shook his head at them and stood up from his chair, "Are you hungry, Castiel? We still have leftovers from last night."

"Oh, yes, I'd love some," and then he added quieter, "but...Dad, can I actually talk to you about something for a minute?"

"Of course, Castiel, whatever you need."

They walked off into the kitchen. Castiel took a seat at the island while he father fetched the leftovers from the fridge.

"So what do you want to talk to me about, sport? If you're wondering if you're grounded you're not."

"No, I wasn't wondering that-but-wait, I'm not?"

Chuck smiled, putting the food on a plate and sticking it in the microwave, "No, you're not. Go on with what you're going to tell me."

Castiel took a deep breath, crinkling the ends of his tshirt with his hands. "Mom...called me a few weeks ago."

Chuck was surprisingly unemotional. Castiel had been suspecting the worst. He expected, "what did she say?" "what did she want?" "Why didn't she call me?" but instead, his father said simply, "She did?"

"Yeah." said Castiel slowly, "She left a message on my phone, actually. I didn't get to talk to her...but she wanted me to call her back and...I think I want to."

"Okay."

"And...I just wanted to let you know that I wanted her to hear everything from me. Not from you."

Chuck nodded as the microwave beeped. He took the plate out and set it in front of Castiel. He stood with his hands pressed on the table and his eyes locked on his son. His face didn't show any emotion, but his eyes sure did.

They were full of worry. Like they almost always were.

"Do you think...do you think that's the right thing to do, Dad?"

Chucks lips formed into a soft smile, and he patted Castiel on the head. "Sometimes I forget how grown up you actually are, Castiel. I can't tell you the right answer, son. You have to decide what to do. But if you don't want me to tell your mother I won't."

"Okay...thanks, Dad."

They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence together in the kitchen while Castiel ate. Chuck did ask some questions about Dean, and Castiel answered them. He didn't feel weird talking about it either. He was glad to be able to share anything with his father now.

When they reentered the living room, Gabriel seemed to had been waiting their arrival. For the moment he made eye contact with them, he jumped up from his seat and exclaimed that he had an announcement to make.

"Now that you're all here," he said, taking a dramatic walk into the middle of room, and standing there with his hands behind his back. "I have something I would like to tell you all..." He took a deep sigh, closing his eyes, and held his breath until Castiel thought he was going to turn purple. "My dear family...I, Gabriel Charles Shurley...am bisexual."

Castiel sighed heavily, thinking to himself,  _Gabriel why_.

Anna slapped her palm to the middle of her forehead.

"Now this I can believe." said Micheal.

"Are you trying to steal Castiels thunder or something?" said Lucifer.

"What'sa bisexual mean?" asked Samandriel.

Chuck stood there, blank faced for a moment, and then took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I need to take up drinking again, Christ."

"Really?" said Gabriel with a frown, "That's the reaction  _I_ get? No ones going to lecture me? Ask me how this could happen? Anyone? Anyone?"

"Sorry, Gabe," shrugged Anna, "I guess nothing surprises us anymore. Especially anything coming out of your mouth."

"Have us barge in on you making out with your secret boyfriend and maybe it'll be different." said Lucifer.

Everyone picked up a couch pillow and threw it at his head.

XxX

Castiel put off the call to later that evening while everyone else was eating dinner.

He had been putting it off all day. Telling himself he'd call her in an hour, and then he made excuses for himself like: Dean just woke up, I should call him. Or, I should play with Samandriel, or I should help Dad with dinner.

Now he was out of excuses, and if he didn't do it now he wasn't ever going to.

He locked his bedroom door and sat on his bed, holding his cellphone in his hand and staring down at it as though waiting for it to dial her number itself.

Numbly, he went to her message, and dialed the number she had called from. He put the phone up to his ear, and listened to the ringing like he was standing on the other side of a tunnel. It sounded so far away, but with every ring it turned louder. And every silence in between was getting longer.

Finally, the ringing stopped.

He held his breath.

"Hello?" Her voice said.

Castiels voice was caught in his throat, and he forgot everything he had wanted to say. He couldn't even remember what you're supposed to say when someone says hello.

"Hello?" she repeated, "Is anyone there? Hello?"

"Mother," he swallowed, "It's me. Castiel. It's me, Castiel."

"Castiel!"

"It's me, mom." he said, trying to bite back a smile from how excited and happy he had made her. He had to remind himself that he didn't call her to make her happy and excited. This was not supposed to be a  _happy_  and  _exciting_  reunion over the telephone. He had to remind himself that he had things to tell her and ask her. His smile vanished.

"Oh, Castiel," her voice choked, "you sound so grown up! How are you sweetheart, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too...I'm doing fine, mom. How are you? Where are you?"

"I'm in Chicago. I've been in Chicago for a while now. I'm doing fine, I've got my own apartment now. Are you having fun in Louisiana?"

"Yes."

"I'm so glad to hear it, Cassie. I'm so glad you've made new friends down there, are they nice? What are they like?"

"Yes, mother, they're nice-but," he swallowed, he needed to cut to the chase. He knew his mother. If he let her go on and on like this the entire time they weren't going to get anywhere, and Castiel wasn't going to get a chance to say what he wanted to. He took a deep breath. Now or never, "Mom, could I-I just want to talk to you about some stuff for a minute."

"Well, of course, Castiel, anything!"

"Why did you leave us." he deadpanned.

"Oh-" he could tell in her voice that she hadn't been expecting to hear that-anything like that-from him. Her voice changed completely. It sounded fake. "-Castiel-I-I wasn't happy with your father. You should have been able to figure that out-"

"But you left." he said, clenching his fist, his nails digging into his palm, "You just left us. We all knew you and Dad were having problems, but you didn't even say goodbye. You didn't even talk to us about it, you just left us."

"Castiel...I'm sorry."

"You gave Dad custody. You gave right in when he said he wanted it. That was one thing you didn't fight about. Why did you do that? Why do you not want to see us? Why did it take you six months to get in contact with us?"

" _Castiel_ ," she snapped, "I am your mother you don't talk to me like that. Now look, it's much more complicated than you think, I couldn't raise you all-"

"And you think Dad had it any easier?" He tried not to shout at her, but his temper was getting the better of him. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, trying to calm himself down.

"Castiel James-"

"Is there someone else." Tears that felt like needles started to form behind his eyes.

"Cas-"

"Did you meet someone else?"

There was dead air between them for a while. The whole house went quiet, and Castiel worried for a moment that he had been too loud and now his family was listening in on him. But then he decided that he didn't care.

"Yes." she said.

The tears were coming now, feeling more like acid and hot coals being thrown at his face. He brushed them away quickly with his hand, as though she would see them.

"Yes I met someone else. He makes me happy, Castiel."

"Okay." he said.

"This has nothing to do with you or your brothers or your sister, honey, this has to do with mommy."

"Okay."

"Castiel-please, I can't live with knowing you're mad at me. Please. You're my special boy."

Castiels eyes locked onto the window. There was still smudges of hand prints on the glass. That he could only see if he angled his head a certain way. He could see Deans hands, and his own. He could see that they had them in almost the exact same place. Deans hand was just up higher than his was, but it could have looked like they were holding hands.

"Castiel? Castiel, are you still there?"

It just came out. He didn't even think twice about it. It was like a natural thing now, saying it. It wasn't any harder telling her than anyone else.

"Mother, I'm gay."

More dead air.

"I'm sorry-gay?"

"Yes. I'm gay. I'm dating a boy named Dean Winchester and I love him very much," he started to smile while talking about Dean. The tears went away, and his heart started pounding. He couldn't stop himself from rambling on about Dean, he just had it in his head that had to tell her all about him, "I met him here, in Louisiana. He's friends with Balthazar. He's very sweet. He makes me happy. And he likes classic rock, and Star Wars, and this show called Dr. Sexy. He works at an auto-shop in town, and sometimes I bring him Aunt Rachel's pie-"

"Castiel are you just saying this to get back at me?" She hissed, "Are you trying to make me angry because it's working."

"I'm not just saying it, mother. It's the truth. I'm gay."

There was some choking sounds on the other line, "Gay?  _Gay_? You're not-you-Castiel, being gay is a sin!"

"So is divorce, mother." Castiel found himself standing on his feet, "Or do you only live by the rules of the Bible that don't apply to you."

"Castiel James Shurley-I-does your father know about this?"

"Yes. Everyone knows. And they all love Dean."

"Castiel...I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I could say the same thing about you, Mother."

There was some more choking sounds on her end of the phone, and he realized that she had been crying. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach. He had made his own mother cry.

"I'm sorry..." She sniffed, "I have to go."

"Okay." He said softly, the guilt rising to his chest, "I love--"

The line clicked dead before he could finish.

XxX

"No shit?" said Dean.

"Yep." Castiel sighed, leaning against his pillow, the phone cradled in his hand as they talked. He ran a hand through his wet hair and flicked some drops of water off his fingers.

He had called Dean as soon as he had gotten out of the shower, telling him everything. Everything except the part about him crying his eyes out, but he could save that for later.

He had allowed Gabriel to come and listen to the story as he talked to Dean, but the one rule was that he wasn't allowed to speak. He had to save all his comments and questions for later. He was being good so far. He had been sitting on his side of the room quietly the entire time so far. He was tossing Samandriels baseball into the air and catching it, his eyes not straying away from the ceiling. It was like he wasn't even listening. But Cas knew his brother better than that.

"So you finally told her off, huh. She got what was comin' to her." Dean gave a sort of half-laugh into the phone.

"Yep." Cas repeated.

"You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good." he lied.

"You sure?" said Dean, "You've been through a lot these past few days dude. It's totally cool if you're not."

"No, no," he pressed his free hand against his eyelids, as though trying to push the tears back into his sockets, "I'm totally fine. My mom...just doesn't love me anymore. I'm totally fine with that."

"Cas, buddy," Dean cooed, "Cas it's okay."

"Then why doesn't it feel okay?" he turned around so his back would face Gabriel. He could still feel the amber brown eyes piercing through him. He could feel the tightness in his throat returning, and his tired dry eyes burning from trying to provide more tears.

"Please don't cry, baby. Please don't," said Dean, "do you want me to come over? I'll be over in ten seconds flat, I'm gettin' my keys right now."

Cas sniffed, finally being able to collect himself, "No, you don't have to, Dean. It's late."

"But I want to."

Cas couldn't help but laugh wetly into the speaker. He was so tired. His temples were throbbing and begging him for some rest. But he couldn't say no to Dean.

"Dean Winchester I love you."

He could hear his smile on the other side of the phone, "I know. I'll be right over, babe."

"Okay," said Cas weakly, "can we watch a movie?"

"Anything you want. I'm on my way, I love you, Cas."

"Love you too."

Dean hung up and Cas let his phone bounce on the mattress. He sighed into his pillow, burying his face into the scent of laundry detergent.

Gabriel took a surprisingly long amount of time to say anything. He was uncharacteristically silent.

His voice was soft and gentle, like he was making sure not to crack any eggshells while stepping in a chicken coop, "You okay, lil bro?"

"Yeah." he replied, "I'm okay. I'm just...I'm so tired."

Gabriel got up and walked over to Castiels bed, sitting next to him. "I know, squirt..." he traced circles on the shoulder of his brothers shirt, doing his best to comfort him. "it sucks."

"She didn't even say that she loved me back..." he muttered, "I told her I was gay an-and it was like I was suddenly talking to a whole new person. It was like I wasn't even her son anymore, Gabe..."

"I know, bud. I know."

"Why does it hurt so bad? She did everything I expected her to, and it still hurts."

"Well, you didn't expect there to be someone else," said Gabriel, "I didn't expect that at least. That stings me, and I hate the bitch. I still can't picture her with anyone besides Dad, you know? Even though they're not together anymore...it's just...it's weird."

"Do you think I should tell him?" Cas scrunched up his face as the tears starting pricking behind his eyes again.

"Yeah. We should..."

"I don't want him to get bad again, Gabe..."

"I don't want him to either, but...we'll all be there for him. Just like last time, right?"

Castiel just sniffed and nodded as his reply.

Gabriel continued to draw circles and lines on Castiels arm. He was unsure of how to supply any other form of comfort, but Castiel appreciated it all the same.

Gabriel spoke in his little kid voice again, "Don't get quiet again, okay?"

Castiel didn't respond. He was too tired. He didn't want to talk anymore.

" _Cas_." His voice went hard without missing a beat, "Castiel you can't do this again. You can't go quiet again, okay? You can't do that. Not now. Not after everything."

He rolled over and looked at his brother, his brown eyes wild and glossy with the threat of tears.

"Don't you dare go quiet, Cas," he said, his voice softer but still holding the same intensity, "I swear to God I won't be able to stand it if-I can't just sit here and let you suffer like that again. I hated it when you were quiet, dude! I hated it! You were always by yourself, and-and never asking for help even when you needed it the most. When you were like that it made me feel like you felt like you  _couldn't_  ask for help. That you didn't have anyone. I just wanted my brother back, and I've finally got'em and...I can't-I _can't_ lose you like that again, dude."

Gabriel started to shake and the tears rolled down his cheeks in thick raindrops. Castiel took his hand, sitting up on his bed and holding it tightly. He waited until their eyes locked to say, "I'm not going anywhere. You're not losing me."

Gabriel rubbed snot in his free hand and wiped his face with his shirt. "Just...don't go quiet again, okay..."

Castiel didn't comment. He only squeezed his hand tighter.

"Okay?" Gabriel pressed.

"Okay."

Gabriel pulled him into a hug. Castiel hugged him back _._

"Are you going to call her?" asked Cas.

"I will. I don't know when, but I will," Gabriel then sighed, "Do you regret telling her everything?"

"Not a chance," said Castiel, "she had it coming."

Gabriel started choking back bubbles of laughter, but was unable to hold it for long. It got Cas going too, but every slight giggle was a ache to his chest, and every grin was a pinch in his cheeks.

They sat there laughing until Cas heard the Impala pulling up in the driveway, and the patter of Samandriels feet as he ran down the hall announcing that Dean was here.

"You better go meet your lover boy," said Gabriel, "and save some popcorn for me!"

Castiel just shook his head and left the room. He passed Samandriel on the staircase while going downstairs and reminded him that it was well past his bedtime. Samandriel reminded him that it was summer vacation.

Dean met him at the bottom of the stairs, he was wearing his pajamas with his leather jacket thrown over his Captain America tshirt. He greeted Cas with a bear hug before he even reached the bottom steps.

"You okay?"  
"I'm better now."

"So what do you wanna do? You wanna watch a movie?"

"Yeah," said Cas, "I can't promise I'll stay awake through the whole thing, but...I just want you here."

Dean kissed his forehead, holding his face with his rough hands. "I'm not going anywhere, babe."

"What movie do you want to watch?"  
A wicked grin plastered itself on Deans face. "I brought over the last Star Wars movie."

"Dean Winchester you are incredible." Castiel laughed, kissing him.

"Yeah, I know. Now c'mon, that couch is callin' our names."

Dean took him by the hand and lead him to quiet living room. He took the movie and set it in the DVD player while Cas sat half-asleep on the couch. Dean soon joined him, taking off his leather jacket and draping it around Cas like a blanket. He then wrapped his arm around Castiels shoulder and held him to his chest.

"You wanna talk about anything?" He asked softly.

"Not now," Castiel replied, "I'm too tired."

Dean smoothed back his hair before resting his cheek on top of his head. "Okay."

Castiel nuzzled his face into Deans shirt, finally getting to close his eyes as the opening credits for Star Wars began to play. "I'm glad you're here." he whispered.

Somewhere from a galaxy far, far away, he thought he heard Dean say, "I love you more than anything, Cas."

But Castiel was already sleeping. He could hardly respond with a mumble of incoherent nonsense. Swirls of warmth from the touches and the jacket sparked in his chest as he fell asleep. He fell into dreams where green and blue swirled together in an embrace, and smooth and tan, and rough and freckled skin held each other. He fell into a dream where summer lasted forever, and Louisiana and Illinois lived right next door. A dream where he and Dean could make it together.


	26. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to stay with you, Dean," Castiel blurted, "I want to stay here in Louisiana. When I think about my future--you're in it. I think about Christmas and you're there, I think about New Years, Valentines Day, graduation--I think about all that and I want to spend it with you. I want you to be there with me."
> 
> "Baby...." Dean was sitting up now and holding him.

It was finally here.

The last month of summer vacation.

The metaphorical month long Sunday that everyone and their mother dreaded.

August meant two more weeks with Dean.

Two weeks.

Those two weeks were going to feel more like two hours of anything. Castiel knew that they were going to be difficult, and they were going to be quick. That's what scared him.

He was scared these two weeks were going to flash before his eyes and the next thing he'd know he'd be kissing Dean goodbye for the last time that summer. Maybe the last time ever.

And there wasn't anything he could do about it besides spend as much time with Dean as he could.

A lot can happen in just two weeks.

XxX

August first was spent going to see a movie with Dean, but somehow they had ended up in the backseat of the Impala at the bottom of the hill.

The past week or so was somewhat uneventful compared to the two days of Castiel running off and then coming out to his mother.

Gabriel hadn't called her yet, and Castiel wasn't going to push him to.

The relationship between Benny and Cas had improved surprisingly, and Dean was more than happy to hear it. Cas actually thought of him as a friend. He didn't absolutely dread being around him anymore, not after their talk in the basement. He felt horrible for the way he had treated Benny. He apologized over and over again, and Benny just shrugged saying,

"We've all been there one way or another, brother."

The relationship between Dean and his family had also improved greatly. Chuck was constantly asking Castiel if Dean was coming over, he was almost as annoying as Samandriel. Chuck admitted that what he liked about Dean was simply how interesting he was, and how easy it was to talk to him. Lucifer had taken a shine to Dean once they realized they had the same taste in music. Anna liked his sense of humor and how sweetly he treated her little brother. Gabriel's opinion on Dean didn't really change. He liked being around him as much as he did before. They both shared that same goofy-ness and trickster sort of nature. Samandriel's opinion hadn't changed either. He of course loved how playful and kind Dean was. And while Micheal was still being awkward about the whole situation, he didn't actually hate being around Dean. He actually told Castiel that he liked and agreed on a lot of the same things Dean had to say. They all liked little bits of Dean that Cas loved all together.

However, there had been one thing that had been bothering Castiel lately. Dean had yet to tell his own father about him and Castiel. Cas was letting him take his time with it of course, but it made him feel odd that Dean was getting closer with Chuck and Cas didn't know a thing about John. He hadn't even sat down and talked with him once the entire time he's known Dean. From the stories he's been told; John Winchester honestly just seemed like an overworked dad doing his best, but how could he know for sure unless he properly met him?

He tried not to think about all that now.

"I love you," he gasped, as Dean nuzzled his nose into his neck, peppering kisses down his collar bone.

Led Zeppelin was playing on one of Deans cassette tapes. Traveling Riverside Blues. The sky was vacant of any moon, but God, were the stars sparkling tonight. Castiel swore he could see every last one.

"I love you," echoed Dean.

They were down to their boxer shorts by now. Panting hot and heavy on each other. Deans breath still smelled of buttered popcorn, and his lips were being licked clean of the last bits of salt.

"D-D-Dean-" said Cas, as Dean rubbed the crotch of his shorts teasingly with his palm, "Dean-please!"

"Who knew Catholics could be so dirty," Dean whispered in his ear, "you gonna beg some more?"

"Are you really gonna bring up religion at a time like this," Castiel panted, shooting him a look while running the pads of his fingers down Deans abdomen, "because if you do that I'll end up thinking about the nuns and feeling extremely guilty-"

"Okay, no more Catholic talk," said Dean with a shiver, "back to this." He pressed his mouth against Castiels, jutting his hips forward to grind against him. Castiel moaned, rolling his hips back in response.

"Dean-Dean," he parted, "I-I want to."

Dean stared back down at him, green eyes all too innocent for what they were doing, "What?"

"I want to, Dean. I want to have sex with you."

"Oh-Oh!" Dean sat back, "You sure? You're positive, Cas?"

Castiel nodded as Dean reached into the glove department to grab a condom and a small bottle of lube.

"You really sure?" he asked again, "You're not saying it just because you're gonna be gone soon are you?"

Castiel stared blankly up at him.

"'Cause, Cas, believe me I want to do this-but I don't want you to feel like you have to or anything."

"Dean Winchester," Cas wrapped his arm around the back of his neck, pulling Dean towards his face and kissing him deep and slowly. When they parted he finished, "I want to. I'm ready to."

Dean just nodded, his cheeks flushed as pink as his lips.

"So-do you-?"

"Would you bottom?"

Deans eyes sparked, nodding excitedly. "Ye-yeah! Hell yeah!"

He shoved the lube and condom into Castiels hands and rolled over on his stomach on the leather seats.

"Go for it, Cas," he said.

Castiels heart was racing now, and while he felt nervous the nerves were overcome by the want and need that coursed through his blood.

He dug his fingers into the elastic of Deans underwear and jerked them down to his ankles. He then globed his fingers with the lube and started fingering Deans hole.

Deans shoulders tensed at his touch, his head dipping down to the seats as he groaned and panted. He instructed Cas on where to touch and what to do, telling him the right way to crook his finger, and "Yeah-yeah, Cas right there-" Dean growled through clenched teeth, rutting against the seat like it was his fucking business.

Castiel could hardly stand waiting any longer.

When Dean was prepped he jerked down his own underwear and ripped the condom out of its wrapper. He put it over his dick, lathering more lube on before finally slipping it inside Dean. He pushed in with a low growl vibrating in his throat, and Dean hissing out a tight whine.

He then pulled back out and rocked back in, finding a rhythm and grunting with every thrust. Dean was moaning and whining, his cheek pressed against the leather. He would sputter between gasps;

" _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, Cas,"_ and " _Castiel-yeah, baby-"_

Castiels neck beaded with sweat, his heart pumping with warmth and adrenaline. He continued rocking into Dean, feeling him tighten around his dick-and _Jesus fucking Christ Dean that felt so good-_ it was so hot and right and  _God I could stay like this forever_.

He didn't want this to end. He thought he was going to explode if it ever did. He didn't want to do this with anyone else. Ever. He didn't want to sit in the back of someone elses car unless it was an Impala named Baby. He didn't want to make out with anyone else unless their name was Dean Winchester. He could spend his whole life here. He could spend his whole life anywhere as long as Dean was with him.

"Fuck," he muttered with another thrust, getting another moan out of Dean below him, "fuckfuckfuck-"

His nails pinched at Deans skin when Dean clenched around him again, nailing his prostate.

Dean grunted, letting out a slight squeal of, "God Cas, You're so awesome-"

Castiel held onto hips tightly and began moving into him faster. Dean snarled into the leather. Castiel held back the urge to realize the tiny squeals of pleasure that were building up in his throat.

This feeling was unlike any other. The warmth, the pressure, the heat bubbling in his abdomen. His brain was all a whir, and he almost felt an animalistic hunger and greed for this feeling.

_Sex is amazing_ , was his only coherent thought.

He was possibly crushing Deans hips with his hands, and he worried for a split second that there would be bruises for him to explain later, but then with a snap of his hips that had Dean howling-he suddenly forgot all about it. He was pulling and pushing inside of Dean and it felt so-awesome. Everything was so awesome. At least that was what Dean would say.

Castiels fingers twitched, Dean arched, clenching around Cas's dick again. He was basically humping the leather seats by now, craving some sort of friction to give him relief. Dean suddenly let out a wet gasp, his whole body tensing up as he released himself all over the black seat. One last thrust and Cas was gone. He shouted, and with a few final pushes he was still. He took a few deep breathes before pulling out. He took off the cum soaked condom and tossed it out the window like before.

Dean rolled over and Castiel laid on his sweaty chest. Cuddling in the Impala had proved to be impossible and uncomfortable before, but neither of them could move. So they sat uncomfortably and sweaty, listening to Deans mix tape play another song. Castiel could have fallen asleep like this.

He traced shapes on Deans chest, connecting the freckles like they were constellations. Dean giggled when he did.

"That tickles."

"Sorry."

He let his hand fall flat in the middle of his chest. Dean scratched his nails on Castiels back, humming along with the song that was playing.

"I love you, Dean." Castiel whispered, though he didn't need to.

Dean smiled, not opening his eyes, "I love you too, Castiel."

There was a moment of silence were only John Lennon spoke through the radio, and the crickets and frogs outside made their presence known. It was quite peaceful. Castiel thought about falling asleep again.

Until Dean started laughing, and his head shook with every quake of Deans chest.

"I don't think I've ever heard someone say the f-word so much in my life." he said.

Castiel couldn't stop the smile from growing on his face, "You just bring it out of me I guess."

"If the nuns wouldn't have burst into the flames before, I'm sure they would have if they heard you talking like that."

Castiel started laughing, "Probably."

Deans eyes fluttered open like the beat of a butterflies wing. He brought his hand up to play with the hair on the back of Castiels head, and then pulled him up to kiss him on the mouth.

"I'm crazy about you." he told him, green eyes as wild and reckless as ever. "I really am."

"Your dad's not."

"Oh, baby," Dean threw his head back, "why do you have to bring him up during pillow talk, huh?"

"Because I want him to like me." said Cas.

"Cas, he doesn't like anything. Even if I did introduce you guys theres nothing you could do to make him like you."

Castiel pouted, tracing his finger in a circle on Deans chest again, "I'm just sick of being a secret. I thought I liked it before, but I don't want us to be hiding anymore. I feel like it makes us something dirty and wrong."

"We're not something dirty or wrong, baby, you know that," said Dean, rubbing Castiels shoulders comfortingly, "I'm just...worried about how he'll take it. I mean, he wasn't that bad when I came out-but I just don't know how he'll react when he finds out I'm dating a guy. I think he was still convincing himself that I could be straight. I don't want him to flip out on us and ruin the rest of the summer."

"Yeah," said Castiel softly, "I understand. You and my dad just seem so close lately."

Dean smirked, "You jealous?"

"No."

"Do you think your dad is stealing me from you?"

Cas tried to hide his face, "No."

"Cas, c'mon," Dean snickered, "I love  _you._ Your family is great, trust me, but you're the one I'm in love with. I'm not givin' you up for anything."

Castiel nuzzled back into Deans chest, smiling against his freckled skin, "I'll love you forever, Dean Winchester."

Dean seemed to freeze, his muscles tensing up again. Castiel felt a spike of anxiety and picked his head up at once. "What?"

"Don't-" Dean choked, "don't say that, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Because I'll believe it...and-we don't have a forever, Cas."

Castiel caressed his stubbly cheek, smoothing his thumb over his cheekbones and under his eyes. Going over every brown sugar colored freckle he could see.

"But it's true." He said softly, "I know I will."

"Cas-" Dean held onto his wrist.

"I want to stay with you, Dean," Castiel blurted, "I want to stay here in Louisiana. When I think about my future-you're in it. I think about Christmas and you're there, I think about New Years, Valentines Day, graduation-I think about all that and I want to spend it with you. I want you to be there with me."

"Baby," Dean was sitting up now and holding him, "baby, I know...I want to spend it with you too."

"You mean so much to me," Castiel blubbered, "I don't wanna leave you. It's gonna hurt so bad."

"I know." he hushed him. "I'm so sorry, Cas, baby, I'm so sorry."

He kissed the top of his head, muttering under his breath, "You're the best thing thats ever happened to me."

The rest of that night was spent holding hands and sharing sweet little kisses. Playing with each others hair while sharing whispers of I love yous. They made promises that would seem impossible to keep. But they had hope.

XxX

The next day Castiel spent at Balthazars.

It was another boiling hot day in Louisiana, and they were all spending it poolside. Castiel of course, was sitting in a lawn chair and reading his book.

His aunt Rachel came out with a silver platter loaded with lemonade and chocolate chip cookies. She came down to him and offered it to him.

"Where's Dean today?" she asked after he took the food.

"Working." he said, "I told him to tell Sam that he could come if he liked, but I don't know if Dean likes him walking here by himself."

Aunt Rachel shook her head, "Poor Sammy. He can't jump in a mud puddle without Dean having a heart attack."

"Tell me about it."

She ruffled his hair affectionately before turning on her heel and heading back inside. She left the tray of cookies and lemonade on the patio table however, and the smell of sweets was going to attract Gabriel sooner or later.

It turned out to be sooner.

His golden hair shined in the sunlight like the lemonade in the glass Cas was drinking. He resurfaced from the water, and caught one whiff of those chocolate chip cookies. His head whipped around so fast Castiel thought he heard it crack.

He then tumbled out of the pool, sweet tooth watering, and made it to the patio table to stuff his face far too much. By the time he was there the others had only started to notice that refreshments were waiting for them, and were racing each other out of the pool to grab whatever Gabriel didn't get his little hands on.

Once Gabriel got enough cookies to satisfy his sweet tooth, he came to sit by his brother. He was still licking melted chocolate off his fingers.

"Whats up, squirt? Book character having difficulties?"

"Yeah," he sighed, closing it, "it's getting a little bit too much for me. I have to take a break."

"So," Gabriel twisted in the chair, "how was your date last night? You never told me."

"It was fun." said Cas.

"That's all I get?" said Gabe, "'it was fun'. C'mon, Cassie, give me the juicy details!"

Castiel tried not to blush, "What juicy details?"

"C'mon! You were practically glowing last night when you came home! Did he do the popcorn bucket trick in the theater?"

"What? No! Dean would never-"

"Did you guys at least make out in his car or something? You came home a bit later. Dad didn't care or anything, but you obviously did  _something_  after the movies, bro."

Castiel went quiet, re-opening his book and hiding his face behind it.

"Cas." pestered Gabriel, "Castiel, you made out in his car didn't you?"

Castiel pressed his nose deeper into the binding.

"C'mon, man, I'm your big bro! What did you guys do last night just tell me."

Castiel peeked up over his book at his brother for a moment before quickly flashing back to the pages he wasn't reading. Apparently a moment was all Gabriel needed.

"No." He said, his voice dropping slightly, "No. No way."

"What?" said Castiel.

"I know that look. I should have known last night-but-shit, Cas!" He turned his voice to a whisper, leaning closer to his brother, "You had sex last night!"

Castiel turned scarlet, " _Gabriel_!"

"Holy shit, you totally did!" he clamped a hand over his mouth, amber eyes wider than dinner plates, "You totally had sex last night!"

Castiel hissed at him to shut up.

"Cassie, holy crap," He grabbed him by the shoulders, "tell me-how does it feel to not be a virgin anymore?"

"Stop it!" Castiel wiggled away from him, "Someones gonna hear you!"

Then he added, looking sheepishly at his toes, "Honestly...I feel pretty great."

Gabriel gave a quiet hooruah by pumping his fist in the air, grinning like a maniac. "Oh, Cas, I'm so happy for you, kiddo! Was it good?"

Castiel started giggling and blushing like crazy. He nodded, his eyebrows wiggling as he spoke, "Yeah, it was really good."

"Shit, kid," Gabriel slugged him in the arm, "where did you go? Was it everything you hoped it be? Like it wasn't a bad experience at all?" he then put his hand in front of his mouth and whispered again, "who was the pitcher and who was the catcher?"

"It was in the Impala, and yes. It was a wonderful experience, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. And I get that reference now! I-I was the um...the pitcher."

It was Gabriels turn to blush now. "Jesus Christ. Castiel James Shurley."

Castiel shrugged, innocent-like. "What?"

"I always thought Dean woulda topped."

"It was all right, but next time-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Gabriel waved his hands in front of him, cutting his brother off, "I don't wanna hear the rest of that sentence, little bro. I've found out enough information about you today."

Castiel just grinned.

"Gabriel, you lardass," Balthazar scolded, storming over to them now, "You practically ate the whole damn batch!"

"I'm a growing boy."

"You haven't grown since third grade."

"Hey, hey, hey," said Gabe, "thats an exaggeration."

Balthazar rolled his eyes, "You're ridiculous, and I hate you."

Gabriel patted his belly, "I'm just more to love, Balthy."

Balthazar opened his mouth to retort, but was forced to keep it to himself when his mother poked her head out the door and asked to see him in the kitchen for a moment.

"She's probably going to yell at me for letting you eat all the cookies." he said anyway, before heading to the door.

"Bring me back some milk!" He shouted to Balthazars back.

"I think he's at his wits end with you." said Cas.

"Who? Balthy?" Gabriel tossed his head back to laugh, "Probably. He probably can't wait for my ass to get out of Louisiana."

"He's the lucky one. When we leave we're still stuck with you."

"Hey," snapped Gabriel, "you love me and you know it."

"You're all right I guess."

" _Pft_ ," Gabriel leaned back on the chair, tucking his arms behind his head, "screw you, kid. I'm awesome."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" teased Cas, only to have his brother shove his chair and send it toppling on the patio.

"What crawled up your butt and made you so sassy?" said Gabriel as Castiel laughed and helped himself back up to the chair. "I would blame Dean, but as of the events of last night I wouldn't think that." he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Gabriel!" Castiel gasped, hitting him in the shoulder. His brother merely howled with laughter.

The back door opened again, this time it was Balthazar leaning out. He practically slammed the screen door against the wall he was so rushed to open it. Everyone on the patio nearly broke their necks spinning around to look at him. His face had gone a different shade of white. He looked like he had just thrown up in the sink during the past ten seconds he was gone.

"Um-Cassie," he called, "can you come here?"

Castiel got up from his seat, feeling a bit uneasy from the noticeable difference in his cousins voice. Something was off about it, and he knew something was wrong. He tried not to hold his breath as he walked inside the house.

His aunt, uncle, and dad were all standing idly in the kitchen with Balthazar. They all looked up when Cas entered. Their faces were solemn and crestfallen.

Something was definitely wrong.

"Whats going on?" he asked.

"Cassie..." Balthazar began, his hands twisting nervously in front of him. Balthazar was never nervous. "Cassie something happened...with Dean."

A rusty knife might has well had speared his chest. "Whats happened to him? Is he okay?"

"He'll be okay, Castiel." said Chuck.

"I just got a call from Benny...he's at the hospital with him," said Aunt Rachel, "Honey, someone jumped Dean. He's beaten up pretty badly-but-but he's going to be fine."

"J-jumped? Who did it? Did he say?"

"It was Alistair." said Balthazar gravely.

Castiels gut dropped. He should have known, part of him did know, he thinks. But another part of him hoped that it hadn't been Alistair. That it had been some random kid on the street maybe. He didn't want it to be Alistair and Azazel. Jo's words had been haunting him for days, and he didn't want her to be right.

"Apparently there was maybe eight of them all together, and they all teamed up on him when he was walking back from his lunch break or something-I don't exactly know, Cassie."

"Oh God," said Castiel, his fingers digging into his scalp while anxiety roared within him, "Oh my God!" Every possible worst case scenario was racing through his brain. Maybe Alistair did this, maybe Azazel did that, maybe they had chains, or knives. Maybe they beat him with their rings on, and kicked him until he was spitting blood. What if-what if-

"Castiel, it's okay. Dean's going to be just fine. No broken bones or anything. Just a lot of deep cuts and bruises."" said Uncle Joshua.

"But-but Alistair-" he said, blinking back tears, "I knew-I knew he was going to hurt him! Alistair said he would! He said he'd hurt Dean-oh my god, Dean..."

"What?" Chuck looked around at the other adults in the room, as though they knew this as well and was wondering why no one had said anything, "He threatened you before?"

Castiel nodded, sniffing.

"Why didn't you tell me this, Cas? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I-I dunno...Dean and I weren't out to anyone yet, and-and Dean told me not to worry about Alistair. He said he was just talk, but-but I was still scared. I was scared he was gonna...Alistair really wanted to hurt Dean."

Chuck rushed forward and held his son against his chest, letting him cry into his shirt.

"He told us he would-" he continued, "he said he was gonna hurt Dean-but-but Dean said-he said it'd be okay-he said it would! But-but Alistair-I was so scared, Dad. I knew he was gonna hurt us. I knew he would-just 'cause-just cause we're gay!"

Chucks hold tightened protectively, pressing his head on top of Castiels. "It's okay." he said, his voice oddly hard, "It's okay, Castiel. Dean's going to be just fine, and Alistair won't hurt either of you."

"Poor Dean," he muttered, "I can't believe...I usually bring him lunch too. If-if I had brought him lunch today-"

"Cassie don't say that," said Balthazar, "don't do that to yourself. Dean's going to be just fine. He's not even going to be at the hospital for much longer."

Castiel clenched his hands into little balls behind his fathers back. Holding onto the material of his shirt. "I don't ever want to see Alistair's face again."

"You won't." promised Chuck, though he had no authority to make that promise. Castiel believed him anyway.

"You want a glass of water, Castiel, honey?" asked Aunt Rachel softly, "Anything?"

"No." he deadpanned, slowly letting go of his father and raking his arm across his face. "I just...would like to lay down for a while."

"Of course, Cas." said Uncle Joshua.

They watched him leave the kitchen, his bare feet padding on the cold tile. He walked to the living room, falling on top of the couch cushions and letting the anxiety eat him alive. He trembled for a while before the tears started coming in dry heaves. He hated Alistair with every ounce of his being then. He absolutely hated him, and he didn't want to see his face not for his own sake, but for Alistair's. Because he was afraid that if he saw him again before the summer was over, Alistair may not walk away as lucky as Dean had.

XxX

Castiel pleaded to be allowed to see Dean as soon as he got home, but Chuck told him that he needed to rest. Dean was probably tired and sore. Castiel tried texting him and calling him, but didn't get an answer. He did manage to get a hold of Benny, who was no longer with Dean after the hospital.

"He was sleeping when I left," he told Cas, "he told me he wasn't really hurtin' though, but that's just Dean."

"Yeah," said Cas, "he's stubborn like that."

"Tell me about it." Benny snorted, "I didn't want to leave Sam though. He looked like he was gonna cry when I did. Their dad was home and all, but Sam looked really shakin' up about the whole thing."

"I can only imagine."

"Anything else you wanna know?"

"How'd you end up at the hospital with him?"

"Oh, yeah, the son of a bitch called me right after Alistair kicked his ass. He asked if I was home and if it would be all right for him to sleep it off for a while. I told him it was cool of course, but when he came to my doorstep I thought he was half dead. I couldn't believe he drove himself all the way here without passing out, I thought he lost so much blood...anyway, you probably don't wanna hear all those gory details. I of course told him I was taking him to the hospital, and of course Dean argued that he was fine. He fought for about ten minutes before I dragged him the 'pala and sped like a mad man to the hospital. I called the first people I could think of; which was his dad and you. You didn't answer your phone though, so I called your Aunt Rachel. And yeah, you basically know everything else."

Castiel let out a shaky breath, blinking back more tears from the thought of Dean, bleeding and staggering on Bennys porch, telling him that he's had worse and that he just needs a nap. He pushed the image out of his head, muttering under his breath, "That idiot."

"I know," said Benny, "I love that guy more than anything, but Jesus, he knows how to give a brother a heart attack."

"You say he's all right though?"

"Castiel this is Dean Winchester we're talking about."

Castiel couldn't help but let out a sad-excuse for a laugh. But it was a laugh all the same. "Right. You're right, I forgot."

"Don't worry yourself sick about him, okay? It'll just do a number on him if he knew that."

"Okay."

"He's going to be just fine. I betcha by Wednesday he'll be back to normal and ready to jump on you like a cat in heat."

"Not funny, Benjamin."

"I think it's pretty funny."

It wasn't until it was getting close to midnight when Castiel finally heard back from Dean.

It was a simple text message that said,

'Cas'

Castiels heart nearly exploded when he read the three little words. He felt like he hadn't heard from his boyfriend in years, and it was so wonderful to know that he was actually okay enough to message him back. He couldn't help but let his enthusiasm show in the message back. 'Dean! I was so worried about you!'

'I know. I'm sorry I was sleepin'

'how are you feeling?'

'really sore. basically everything sucks.'

'i wanted to see you today but my father wouldn't let me come over. He said you needed rest'

'well you come over tomorrow. i miss the crap outta you.'

Castiels heart fluttered, smiling into his pillow, glad that Dean was all right and talking to him.

'I miss you too.'

'drugs kiccking in, going back to sleepptalk to yo u in the morning. luv ya cas'

'i love you too dean'


	27. Behind Blue Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas walked over to were Alistair was laying, and straddled him. He bundled up his fist and punched him hard. Alistair sputtered as more and more blood rushed out of his broken nose. Castiel hit him again. Three times. Four times. Six times. Ten times. A dozen.
> 
> The fire in his chest was hotter than ever, and anger clouded his mind. His only thought was to hurt Alistair. To punch, kick, pinch, and tear at him until he looked like Dean. Until he was in the same amount of pain as Dean was.
> 
> Alistair started crying.

Gabriel and Balthazar came along with him to visit Dean the following afternoon. Chuck and the rest of the family would have loved to come, but Chuck was worried they could overwhelm Dean. Chuck worried about a lot of things.

Castiel knocked on the front door. Bones barked happily from the inside, while a patter of feet hurried across the floor.

Sam opened it, holding Bones back by the collar with his other hand, and having Adam hanging on his leg. Adam waved up at the three of them.

"Hi!"

"Hello, Adam." said Cas.

"Hey, guys," Sam sounded winded, "Deans in his bed if you wanna see him."

"Are you here by yourself?" asked Balthazar.

"Well--Dean--well--yeah. My dad just went out to get some food. He'll be back...soon."

"When did he leave?" asked Cas.

Sam rolled his shoulder, "Maybe...like...an hour ago..."

At this time Bones leapt forward to greet their guests, taking Sam with him. He lost his grip on the dog and fell face first on the floor. Adam squealed as they tumbled. Bones ran circles around Gabriel, licking at his fingers and nudging his arms.

Gabriel scratched the dog behind his ears to satisfy him for a moment before bending down to help Sam, "You've got your hands full here, kid."

"I can handle it," he said, "Dean does it all the time. I can too."

The three exchanged worried glances.

"I can!" He pressed.

Balthazar held up his hands, "All right, Sam, I believe you. You sure you don't wanna break though?"

"We'd be happy to play with Adam for a while." added Gabriel.

"Yay!" said Adam, scrambling to his feet and right to Gabriels side.

"They probably wanna see Dean first, Adam." said Sam.

"Oh, yeah," he replied. He took Gabriels and Castiels hands, leading them inside."Bean was talking about you guys! He's really ess-sited to see you!"

Castiel grinned down at the toe headed little boy dragging him through the living room. "I'm sure he is."

They came to the Winchester boys' bedroom and Adam balled up his little fist to knock.

"Bean!" He called, "Bean, your friends are here!"

"You can come in buddy." Dean said back.

Adam opened the door for them, walking in and hopping onto his big brothers bed. Castiel and Gabriel then walked in, followed by Sam and Balthazar.

"Hey, guys." Dean forced a tired smile. Castiels heart twisted painfully.

He was more bandage than person.

One side of his face had turned dark purple, even covering up the freckles that spotted his face. There were white bandages on his knuckles, and wrapped up his right arm. He had a split bottom lip, and a cut across his forehead as well. Dark circles were under his eyes, but Cas didn't think they were from anything Alistair did. He looked so tiny and helpless in his bed. Castiel could hardly believe that this was Dean.

"Jesus, Dean." Balthazar sighed. As though he's seen Dean like this five times already this week.

"I know. You'd think after taking a pounding I still wouldn't be this handsome."

Gabriel was the only one who laughed.

"Are you okay?" it was the only thing Cas could think of saying.

"Baby, I'm fine."

Castiel laid his hand on top of Deans, feeling only the scratchy bandages and not his warm skin. Cas didn't say anything else. He didn't want to with everyone else here. He only looked at his poor, bruised boyfriend, with round and worried eyes.

Dean cleared his throat before talking, "Hey," he said, looking to the others, "can I talk to Cas alone for a minute you guys?"

"Yeah, of course." said Balthazar. He grabbed a hold of Gabriel and dragged him outside to the living room before he could say anything about it. Castiel was thankful for that.

Sam took Adam outside as well. Before he shut the door behind them he reminded Dean just to holler if he needed anything. Dean just waved him off.

After the door clicked shut he turned to Cas.

"The kids like a friggin' annoying little nurse I'll tell ya."

"Dean..." Cas said gravely, trying not to make his voice wobble, "what happened?"

Dean sighed, falling back against the pillows Sam probably fluffed and re-fluffed and re-fluffed for him. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and his hand reached out for Castiels. Once he found it he held onto it tightly.

"I was just going for a walk during my break," he said, "you weren't coming to see me yesterday, so you know, I didn't really have anything else to do. I thought about going to the record store. To find you something you would like...and then I heard this car coming up behind me and I didn't really think about it-I mean it's a car in town. Why would you think anything of it? But I guess I shoulda been more careful. I knew what Alistair had said before, and I know I told you not to worry about him, but it's still Alistair."

"The car stopped alongside me and out of the corner of my eye I saw that it was Azazels truck. They had all their friends in the back of the pickup-besides Zachariah. Once I saw it was his truck I booked it. I didn't really have any where to run to. I had already passed Ellens and the garage was behind me. Bennys was too far away to run to. So I just tried to outrun them." He sighed, "They got me though. They tackled me and then dragged me into an alleyway. You know I put up a good fight, Cas, you know I did. I kicked someone in the face and I think I busted his nose. But then Alistair threw me on the ground and kicked my ribs."

Castiel could picture Dean squirming in their grips. He could see him getting loose and throwing punches at anyone who came near him, clocking a few of Alistairs friends here and there. Then he'd maybe try to make a run for it again, but they got him. He saw Dean elbowing guys in their guts, kicking their chests, and kneeing them in the crotch. But then Alistair or Azazel or anyone really, came up to him and clocked him in the face when he wasn't expecting it. Thats all they needed to do to get him on the ground. It would take an army to keep Dean Winchester from fighting back. An army or a gang of seventeen year old boys laying on his bruised stomach, pinning his legs and arms while Alistair and Azazel punched and kicked him again and again and again. Until the gravel and dirt in the alley were speckled with Deans blood.

An angry fire rose up inside Castiel. It wasn't until he noticed he couldn't feel his fingers that he knew he was clenching his fists.

"They didn't have chains or knives or anything. One guy had been wearing rings but thats it. They just kicked the shit out of me. They held me down and let Alistair punch me in the face until his knuckles were coated in my blood. The entire time-the entire time they were doing this..." he swallowed hard, his eyes going soft and wet, "They were calling me faggot and a stupid queer and every other god awful thing you can think of. They kept telling me that they had someone coming after you right then. That they had sent someone to-" his breath hitched and he stopped talking for awhile. Small, almost unnoticeable tears were falling down his curved cheeks. Castiel leaned forward to brush them away with his thumb.

"It's okay, Dean," he whispered, "they didn't send anyone after me. You know that."

"Yeah," he let out a slow breath of air, "I know that now. But...I didn't know that in the alley. I know better than to believe anything that comes out of Alistiar's mouth, but a part of me had to believe him. He already had all these people beating me up right then. It was possible he had others going after you. And he said...he said he sent someone to rape you, Cas."

A sharp knife pierced at Castiels gut. A hard jolt of fear coursed through his body. What Alistiar said was no true of course. Nothing had happened to Castiel all day yesterday, but still. The threat and how he used it to get under Deans skin bothered him a great deal. They squeezed each others hands at the same time, looking for and giving reassurance and comfort.

"Dean--"

"I know now that he was just trying to push my buttons," he said, his nose going red, "but Jesus fucking Christ, Cas I've never been more scared in my life."

Castiels bottom lip wobbled and he leaned forward to press his face into Deans pajama shirt. He flinched at first, but then wrapped his arms around him. They both cried softly.

"It's okay now," Dean said. Castiel thought he was saying this to both of them, "It's okay now...I'm fine. You're fine. It's okay."

"You're not fine, Dean," said Cas wetly.

"I am too." he said, "I'm just fine. I'm okay s'long as you are."

Cas didn't say anything more. He just held Dean tighter. Dean took one last shaky breathe and then the crying stopped all together.

"Really," he said, "I'm okay."

Cas sat up, running his fingers through Deans hair. He let his hand fall down his face, scratching his palm on a days worth of stubble. Deans cheek fell against the caress, like he didn't want Cas to stop just yet.

"Of course you're not okay," Cas said softly, making Dean look up at him confused, "you're Dean Winchester. You haven't been okay since your were four years old."

He made Dean laugh, but the laughter soon died down. He took Cas' hand away from his face and kissed the middle of his palm.

"I'm okay now though." He muttered.

They sat in silence until a knock came on the door again. They both jumped at the sound of it. They had both forgotten that the others were just a room away.

"Bean," said Adams voice, "Bean can we come back in now?"

"I see how it is," Dean said, "send the six year old to spy on us."

"We weren't spying!" said Balthazar, his voice a little  _too_  close to the door.

"Not spying," added Gabriel, "we were only checking up on you! Adam was getting worried!"

"No I wasn't." said Adam. Gabriel quickly shushed him.

Dean turned to Cas and sighed, "Did I ever tell you how much I hate your family."

Cas chuckled, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "Join the club."

Dean fell back against the pillows, rubbing his eyes and asking Cas if it looked like he had been crying. When Cas said no he waved his hand and said, "Let'em in."

Cas did just that.

XxX

The next morning Castiel went back to Deans house by himself. In his hands was a full cherry pie that Aunt Rachel had helped him make last night.

"Nothing wins over a mans heart than making his favorite food," she told him, "I'm sure this'll help Dean feel better too. You don't have to tell him I helped you make it though." She winked and laughed because Cas was a horrible baker. He would have never been able to make a pie half as good as his aunt, but Dean would probably like it anyway. Cas thought that Dean would probably eat a pie burnt to a crisp and tell Cas it was the best thing he's ever had. 

He balanced the pie tray in his hand to knock on the door. Only silence replied to him. He waited for Bones to bark and howl, for his claws to scratch on the wooden door to let everyone know they had a visitor. He waited for Sam and Adam to race to the front door again. He waited to hear the sounds of their feet padding on the hardwood floor, and to maybe shove each other out of the way to get to the door handle first. He waited for the usual sounds that took place inside of the Winchester home, but none of these sounds came.

He squinted at the door. As though it were keeping him from the Winchester brothers. He shifted the pie over again and knocked three times more.

Still nothing.

He was about to knock again when the door finally opened. Except it wasn't Sam and Adam who had finally come. It was John Winchester.

Castiel jumped slightly upon seeing him. This was really only the second time he had seen him, and he had forgotten just how intimidating he looked.

He stood there on the porch for a long while, his voice lost in his throat. The longer he looked at John the more he saw his sons in him. His appearance at first glance was rough and tough like Dean. A dirty pair of blue jeans, a scraggly beard and curly dark hair. His eyes were dark brown, almost blending into his pupils. To anyone else they might have looked cold and even off-putting. But Cas could see that there was a bit of kindness and softness in them that reminded him of Sam. Yes, he thought he could see Sam growing up to look like him.

He finally cleared his voice, "Oh, he-hello, Mr. Winchester I'm Castiel Shurley," he stuck out his hand and John took it to shake, "I brought this pie over for Dean." He stuck it out in front of him once John let their hands drop. The tinfoil crinkled under his fingertips, and when John took it.

"Thank you." he said, his voice low and even more intimidating, "I'm sure Dean will love it."

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." John flashed a close-mouthed smile, sidestepping out of the way to let Castiel inside.

"Where is Sam and Bones?" he asked, looking around the empty house.

"Sam took the dog for a walk," he said, "and Deans still sleeping."

"And Adam?"

"Dropped him off at his moms house this morning."

"Oh."

"You drink coffee?"

"Oh--um, yes."

He jerked his head towards the kitchen, "C'mon, have a cup with me, son."

Castiel swallowed nervously, but followed him into the kitchen. He sat down at the table while John set the pie down on the counter. He got out two mugs and took the coffee pot to pour inside them.

"Dean's talked about you quite a bit," said John, "Sam too."

"Oh, really?" Cas tried not to smile from the burst of warmth in his chest.

"Yeah." he walked back to Castiel, setting a mug in front of him. He sat on the other side of the table. His brown eyes, which Cas now thought of more as the color of black coffee-warm and inviting yet bitter-seeped into his skull from his intense stare.

"Well, I consider them both good friends of mine. Benny too. They're great."

John nodded, raising his mug to his lips, "They're good. They're good kids."

Cas took a slurp of his coffee as well, giving him something to do while there was silence.

"You seem like a good kid too." said John.

"Oh, thank you," Castiel laughed awkwardly.

"Dean said something about you going to a Catholic school?"

"Yes, I went to private catholic school for the first eight years of my schooling. Now I go to public school in Illinois."

John nodded, "Dean been an influence on ya?"

"What do you mean?"

"Has he been pressuring you--"

"Oh no! Oh no, sir, not at all!" Cas felt his eyes going round. He shook his head like a crazy person, rattling his brain around in his skull, "Dean would never--"

John laughed, leaning back in his chair comfortably, "You're all right, boy. I'm just teasing."

"Oh." Castiel took another long sip of his coffee, waiting for John to change the subject again.

"Castiel," he said, "I know about you and Dean."

The coffee burned the back of his throat and nearly went up his nose, making his nostrils feel like he had just snorted a bonfire. He coughed into his fist. "Wh-What?"

"You and Dean," said John, "you're dating."

"He-he told--?"

"No, he didn't tell me. He don't have to tell me anything, I know my boys. I pay the cell phone bills, and frankly, I know I may come off as stupid, but I'm far from that, son."

Castiel felt like wetting his pants.

"Stop shakin', Castiel, I'm not mad," a smile almost flashed on his lips, "I'm just a little hurt that Dean wouldn't tell me. I'm not surprised, but still...I would have liked to get to know you more. If he had told me."

Castiel looked down at the table cloth, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, and neither does Dean. Look, I don't care. I just want my boys to be happy, and ever since you came along Deans never been happier. I know those idiots beat him up because he's bi, and trust me, no ones going to hear the last of it from me. I know you spent the night here a few times. Hell, I know you call Dean boo-bear." Cas blushed bright crimson, "I know a lot more than you think I do, Castiel. I'm a dad. I want what your dad wants for you and your siblings. I haven't had this talk with Dean yet, but I will. I just wanted to actually talk to you for once. I want to apologize if I came off as harsh or anything before. These boys know how to run a guy up a wall, and honestly I'm just doing the best I can. I want whats best for them."

Castiel nodded, still feeling the rush of heat in his face from John knowing all this. What else did he know? Did he know he was under the bed that one time? That he and Dean snuck out a few times? Were all those secrets that he and Dean shared actually not secrets after all? He hoped this was not the case.

"No need to apologize. I understand," said Cas, "I was actually talking to Dean about this the other day. I wanted him to tell you. I wanted to get to know you better as well."

John Winchester smiled, he stuck out his hand and they shook hands again. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Castiel. I've heard great things about you."

"It's nice to properly meet you too, Mr. Winchester."

Their hands dropped. Castiel added, "I have to be honest...I've played this moment over and over in my head and all those times I knew I would be nervous-but I'm petrified."

John laughed, holding his stomach like Santa Claus as he did so, "Why? I'm not gonna rip your head off, son. No matter what horror stories my boys tell ya."

Castiel rolled his shoulder, "I want you to like me."

"Castiel," John leaned forward on the table, "let me tell you something...me and my boys, we used to move around a lot. We'd never stay put in the same town or state for more than a month or so. I kept loosing jobs, and there would always be an opening a state over. So I'd pack them up and we'd go. They hated it just as much as I did. There were nights when I wouldn't come home because of some job I found on a flyer at a diner. I'd take whatever I could get. Those nights I didn't come home Dean would take care of Sam. Be like a real dad to him. I'm not proud of those days."

He swallowed another gulp of coffee. "Then we moved back to Kansas. My home state, and I got a steady job and things were going good. We stayed there for a long time. Dean and Sam were happy there. Then I found out about Adam. I had to move here, and I promised them both it'd be one last move. They hated me for it, I know they did. I set up this happy home for them in Kansas and then ripped it out from under them. Course now they love Adam to death and they wouldn't rather be anywhere else besides here with him. It wouldn't be right. Except now I think I lost their trust. I think they're always afraid I'm going to make them leave again. They can't be too happy here because I might take it away from them...I couldn't do that. I won't...my point is, Castiel, when we lived in Kansas Dean used to sing in the shower. The day we bought a house there he took a shower and sang his little heart out. On his bad days there'd be silence. Whenever he sang I knew he was happy. When we moved here the singing stopped completely. He hated my guts and he was miserable here. Benny and Balthazar are really his only friends here, and he got into some fights here and there but thats Dean. And then...Lisa...point is he wasn't truly happy here. He'd act like it sometimes, but I knew he missed Kansas. But then...he met you. He met you and he started singing again."

He smiled as he raised his mug again, talking into his coffee, "You don't need to worry about impressing me or anything, son. I already like you."

Castiel grinned, his heart bursting and the warmth coursing through his body like a salmon swimming upstream. He took a long breath of relief.

"You don't know how happy that makes me. I kinda want to sing in the shower."

John laughed again, "You're good. You're a good kid, Castiel. And you're good for my son. I really do hope that we will be able to talk some more like this before you leave."

"Me too." said Cas, "Maybe my family and you guys can all get together one day? My dad would like to meet you."

"I'd love that."

John stood up, coffee mug in hand. He went over and patted Castiel on the shoulder, a genuine smile on his face. "You can go see your boyfriend now...God, that felt a little weird to say. No offense."

"None taken. My dad is still getting used to that too."

"I'll talk to you later, Castiel. Don't forget to take the pie." He walked off into his bedroom, leaving Cas alone in the quiet house.

Soon after he left, he got up and grabbed the pie off the counter and a fork out of the drawer. He then went for Deans bedroom, not even bothering to knock.

Dean was sleeping, like John had said. So he sat down on the edge of the bed like yesterday, and leaned in to kiss him.

Dean made a pleased moan against the kiss, fluttering his eyes slowly open. Castiel leaned back grinning.

"I could get used to that kinda alarm clock." He said dreamily.

"If you loved that, just see what else I brought," Cas held up the pie, ripping off the tinfoil and placing it in Deans lap.

"What is this? Is it my birthday?"

Castiel laughed, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "No, I just love you."

"I love you too, Cas," he grinned, taking the fork and digging into the pie.

"In a better mood today?"

"Wake me up like this everyday and I'll be like this all the time."

Cas rolled his eyes. 

He and Dean took turns eating it out of the tin until they couldn't eat anymore and set it aside.

"Would you lay with me?" Dean outstretched his arms, mouth stained with cherry sauce.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh, stop, I'll live. Please, I just wanna hold you."

Cas couldn't stop himself from caving. He curled up right next to Dean, and Dean wrapped his arms around him. He sighed happily in Cas' hair.

"This is good..." He mumbled, "I got my pie, I got my man, I got my med's...what else does a guy need?"

Castiel chuckled as Dean continued, squeezing Cas closer to him. "Nothin' better...nothin' better..."

They fell into silence and slightly into sleep. Holding each other and tracing patterns on freckled arms and on the back of tanned necks with their fingertips. The sun shined from Deans window and covered them both like a blanket. It was warm, but not uncomfortable.

Cas was somewhere in between dreaming and awake when Dean phone buzzed on the pillow between them.

It startled them both, waking them instantly. Both of them grumbling and rubbing their eyes.

"Who is't?" Said Dean.

Cas looked, and then frowned.

"'Lil' Sis'. You don't have a sister."

"Oh, it's Charlie," Deans face split into a grin, "I haven't heard from her in a while." He then took his phone and looked at the message.

"She wants to Skype. Wanna meet her?"

"Oh, yes," said Cas, "you talk so much about about her I feel like I already know her. I'd love to meet her."

"Can you grab the laptop from the living room for me?"

Cas happily did so.

He returned with the laptop and then settled back in place on the bed at Deans side. They balanced the computer between them as Dean called Charlie via Skype. They moved the laptop this way and that to get them both viewed on the screen. They then decided that they would surprise Charlie and made sure to get Cas out of the shot so the camera was only focused on Dean. Cas laid his head in Deans lap so he could still see what was happening on the screen, but Charlie wouldn't be able to see him.

Charlies Skype name, Castiel saw, was 'QueenofMoondore' and the profile picture was of a red headed girl with blocky black glasses wearing a Gryffindor beanie.

Deans Skype name was Impala67. The profile picture was a picture he had taken on the computers camera of him, Sam and Adam.

Cas pointed to his name. "How creative."

"Shut up."

Charlies face appeared on the screen a few moments later. She wasn't wearing her glasses or the beanie. And her hair was not as long as it was in the profile picture. She had cut it down to a pixie cut, and the her bangs curled like a hobbits hair.

She flashed up the Spock hand at Dean, "Whats up, bitch?"

"Nothin' much."

"Feeling any better today?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I got pie." He held up the remains of the pie tin to show her.

"Well, pie just makes the pain go away doesn't it?"

"Better than meds."

"Any hot nurses at casa de Winchester?"

"Oh, there is one." He flicked his eyes down at Cas and winked.

Cas blushed and giggled, pinching Deans side lightly.

"No, but seriously is there any hot girls around your area that you could hook your old pal Charlie up with? Kansas is so boring! I'm desperate here, Deano!"

"I'll keep my eye out. Maybe then you'll come out and visit me."

"Eh. I'll think about it." She then squinted into the camera, as though trying to see what Dean was hiding in his bedroom all the way from Kansas. She frowned,"Is there someone else there? Is Sam there?"

"No, not Sam." Grinned Dean, "someone taller."

Cas then sat up and waved shyly at the laptop.

Charlie gasped, "Is that who I think it is?"

"The one and only." said Dean.

"Ohmygosh, hi, Castiel! I've heard so much about you!"

"I've heard a lot about you too, Charlie."

"Oh stop," she batted her hand, "I'm sure it's nothing compared to how much Dean tells me about you. Seriously he gushed about you like you were some dreamy boy band heartthrob."

"Charlie!"

"What?" She shrugged, "you did. Anyway, Cas, it's so cool to finally see you! You've been taking good care of that goofball right?"

"Oh, yes," said Cas, "you bet."

"Good. Now do me a favor and kick that Alistair guys ass for me? I'd love to do it myself but plane tickets are expensive and I don't have time to drive to Louisiana."

"Trust me I'd love to do the honors."

"Hey, hey," said Dean, sticking his hands up between Cas and Charlie as though she were here sitting on the bed with them, "Nobody is going near Alistair. Especially not you two."

"And why the hell not?" said Charlie, "He deserves it for what he did to you. Look at yourself! I have half a mind to-"

"Dudes," said Dean, "for the hundredth time I'm fine. I can handle Alistair and his friends I've been dealing with them for months now. It's fine. If you guys suddenly started picking fights--all hell would break loose!"

Charlie groaned through the computer, rolling her eyes. "Fiiiinnneee." she sighed, "but I had this really cool plan and I was gonna totally pitch it to Cas and-"

"You'll have to save it for some other time, Charlie." said Dean.

Cas then leaned towards the computer and whispered, "We'll devise some other time...when he's not around."

Charlie snickered and Dean playfully hit his shoulder.

XxX

Dean and Cas had talked to Charlie for at least an hour until Dean started to doze off again. They said goodbye and shut off the computer. By that time Dean seemed to be fast asleep already.

Cas kissed the top of his forehead and went to return the laptop back to its place in the living room.

Sam and Bones were back home, and they both greeted him when he entered the room.

"Dean sleeping?" asked Sam.

"Yeah. We Skyped Charlie for a while and now he just crashed."

"Well, will you take me to the library?" he asked hopefully, "Dad said I could ask you to take me. If Dean was sleeping."

"Well..." he said slowly. He thought of Alistair and Azazel and their ruffian friends. He thought about the threats and what had happened to Dean two days before. He had a sense of dread in his chest- _it's not safe in town_ , it warned him,  _Alistair said Alistair said._

But then again he  _wanted_ Alistair to find him. He wanted Alistair to try and beat him up, because Alistair wouldn't know what was coming. Cas wanted to rip his eyeballs out for what he did to Dean. A flicker of fire sparked in his chest from the thought of getting to beat up Alistair.

But Sam would be there too. It wouldn't be right.

"If you don't wanna go I can go by myself." said Sam.

That just scared him more. Little Sam Winchester walking through town by himself. Perfectly vulnerable to bullies and thugs. He would be such an easy target for Alistair and Azazel and even Zachariah. Who knows what they could do to Sam.

"No," said Cas, "no I'll go with you."

 _For protection,_ he told himself.  _I'm going to protect Sam. Not to fight._

Of course he knew he was mentally crossing his fingers behind his own back. If he saw Alistair in town today...he couldn't make any promises.

_XxX_

Cas and Sam walked through town together. It was nice to spend some one on one time with Sam, Cas thought. He and Sam had a lot in common and a lot to talk about. Sam seemed to be enjoying their time together as well. He had a friend all to himself, and he didn't have Dean around mother-hen-ning him the entire time.

Their conversation fell and they spent some time walking in comfortable silence for a while until Sam spoke.

"Cas, are you gonna miss me...?"

Cas almost laughed, but then felt like he may hurt Sams feelings. He suppressed it, sputtering out a "What?"

"Are you gonna miss me when you leave? When you go back to Illinois..."

"Of course I'll miss you," He frowned, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

His footsteps slowed along with Sams until they completely stopped. They stepped aside. Sam stared at his tennis shoes sheepishly.

Cas continued, "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Dunno..." Sam rolled his shoulder, "I just thought you liked Dean--"

"Sam," Cas smiled warmly, though Sam didn't see it. He placed his hand on Sams shoulder, "I love you just as much as I love Dean. I'm going to miss you just as much."

"Yeah, but you and Dean are  _in_  love."

"So?"

"So-so-when you're in love I thought that meant you only have 'eyes for each other' or-or whatever. I thought they become your best friend and you gotta spend all the time together and then you start forgetting about everyone else and-and-" Sams cheeks became wet with tiny tears, "and Deans gonna forget about me just like when he was with Lisa-and you're gonna forget about me too just like she did-and-and-"

"Whoa, whoa, Sam," said Cas, "Sam, no! I can't picture my life without you or your brother in it. We've gotten to know each other well this summer haven't we?"

Sam nodded slowly.

"You're one of the bestest friends I've ever had, Sam. I've loved becoming friends with you this summer and while I love Dean romantically I love you just as equally only platonically. I don't know everything that happened between Dean and Lisa but do you really think that mine and Deans relationship is parallel to the one he had with Lisa?"

Sam shook his head, brown hair flapping back and forth like a mop.

"No ones going to forget about you, Sam. I promise. You're my family."

Sam looked up at him, green eyes shining.

"Really?"

"Really."

Sam wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and squeezed him tightly.

"You're my best friend too, Cas."

"Don't let Gabriel hear you say that."

They both laughed and Sam wiped his nose on his arm. He looked a little embarrassed still. Castiel tussled his hair in that same brotherly way Dean always did to comfort him. Sam laughed again, ducking out of the way to make him stop.

He then ran up ahead. His intention seeming to be to make Cas chase him or race him-but he ended up falling flat on his face due to someone sticking out their leg from the alleyway.

"Sam," Cas gasped, rushing forward, "are you all right?"

Sam turned over, his jeans torn and knees bloody. He hissed when he tried to stand up.

"Yeah," he said, voice wobbling slightly, "I'm okay."

Cas turned towards the alley, glaring, "Why don't you watch-" his voice snapped off like a twig being run over by a bulldozer.

Standing in the alley were the three people he wanted to see the least.

"Well lookie here," cooed Alistair, "I thought I recognized that pansy voice."

"Looks like we can finish the job after all, Al." said Azazel. He had obviously been the one to trip Sam. He was closest to the mouth of the alley, and he was wearing a stupid proud look on his face that Cas read right through.

Castiels chest busted with angry flames. He thought of Dean sitting in his bed at home, bruised and scabbed up. He thought about how they just left him laying in the alleyway, and how Dean had to walk by himself all the way to Bennys house. And how they had told him that they sent someone after Cas. He thought about how scared they made Dean. He thought about the salty tears he cried into Cas' hair. He thought of Sam's bloody knees.

His finger nails carved crescent moons into his palms.

"Take one step toward me and you'll regret it." he growled.

Azazel, Alistair, and Zachariah all looked to each other and bursted out laughing.

"What are  _you_ going to do?" Zachariah jeered, "I could shove you on the sidewalk and you'd go crying back to mommy."

"Leave Cas alone," barked Sam, "him and Dean didn't do anything to you!"

"Oooh," purred Azazel his eyes fixed on Sam, "feeling a bit brave today?Don't you worry, pup, we haven't forgotten about you either. You'll get your medicine."

Cas grabbed Sam by the shoulder of his t-shirt, glaring at the three, "Leave him out of this. He's  _thirteen."_

"Like we care about that," snorted Alistair, "if I can't get a hold of Dean Winchester he's the next best thing."

"Alistair you're already walking on a wire," Cas hissed, his grip on Sam tightened, "you don't want to know what I plan on doing to you for what you did to Dean. You lay a hand on Sam and I'll kill you."

His heart was thumping in his throat, he had scared himself for how serious he had said it. He thought he might have even scared Sam a little bit, because the look on Alistairs face said it all. He thought Cas really would kill him.

"Fine." he said slowly, "We won't touch Sammy. But Hell if you're getting out of here without a little blood on your face."

He turned to Azazel, whose eyes were as bright yellow as ever. Azazels mouth flipped into a horrible grin. Barring all his teeth and making his eyes twinkle. It was enough to make Castiels blood turn cold.

"Get him for me, won't you, Az? I'm not in the mood today."

Azazel cracked his knuckles, "My pleasure."

Cas pushed Sam to the side, telling him quickly, "Sam, go."

He heard the sound of sneakers hitting the sidewalk, but they stopped just as soon as they had started. Sam didn't run far.

Cas tried not to worry about him so much. As long as Sam was out of the way enough to be safe it would be okay. He was too busy worrying about going three against one.

Azazels grin stayed painted on his face like the clown at the fair. His eyes locked onto Cas, making his insides squirm. He tried to remain calm. He tried to look serious and intimidating too, but he worried that this did no good.

They were going to rip him a part.

Azazel ran forward before Cas could even register what was happening. He got him in the face and then plunged his fist into his stomach, making Cas double over.

He stumbled backwards for a moment, but didn't allow himself to fall over. He touched the spot on his lip that smarted, bringing back his fingers to see some spots of blood on them. He swallowed back the pain in his middle and his face, thinking of Dean.

He was doing this for Dean.

He rolled his fingers back to his palms, locking them in place and holding his hands up in front of him. Micheal taught him how to fight once when he was ten.

"Just for self-defense." his brother had told him, "I don't expect you to get into any fights anytime soon."

Of course that was back when he was ten. He wasn't sure if any of that information had stuck with him over the years. He tried to remember anything. He tried to picture himself and Micheal standing in the middle of their living room back home in Illinois, holding their fists up to each other and dancing around in circles in their socks.

"Establish your balance," Micheal would stay and then knock him over with an easy push, "you have to stay balanced or they'll knock you on your butt. And flow with their movements..."

The rest of that conversation was a blur. He couldn't remember anything else, and that was hardly anything useful. Still, he used it. It was better than nothing.

Azazel tried to take another swing and Cas dodged it. Azazel tried another, and still Cas was lucky to get out of the way again. Cas saw an opportunity to knee his groin and he took it.

With as much power as he could muster in his leg he brought up knee right into Azazels crotch. The others around him all visibly cringed.

Azazel whined, doubling over and falling to his knees on the gravel.

" _Bitch_..."

"Get up, Azazel!" ordered Alistair, but it was too late.

Castiel swung back his arm and plowed it right into Azazels face. His head cracked backwards and he fell on his back in a pathetic heap. He moaned loudly, one hand on his face and the other cupping his crotch.

"For the love of-" Alistair growled, rolling his eyes, "if you want something done right..."

His eyes were then glaring at Cas. Full of so much hate and anger Cas was scared for his life. He stayed focused though. He kept his balance and his fists clenched.

Cas likes to think he gave him a good fight.

Alistair charged forward with a look like he wanted to rip Cas' skin clean off. He grabbed the sleeve of Cas' shirt and pulled. His other hand was balled into a fist and crashed into Cas' jaw.

He was dizzy for a moment, and tried to pull himself out of it when he saw the next hit coming. Two blows to the face and he was spitting blood.

"Castiel!" Sam cried.

Cas slackened in Alistiars grip when there was a third blow to the stomach. He tried to hold himself upright. He tried to think of Dean. He tried to think of Sam.

He swallowed hard, tasting pennies in his mouth.

Alistair was drawing back his hand again.

Castiel was ready this time.

With all the force he could muster in his body he brought the ankle of his wrist up into Alistairs nose. Breaking it and spurting blood all down Alistairs face.

"Jesus-" was all Alistair managed to get out. In the next moment Cas rammed his shoulder into his chest and sent him crashing into the trashcans.

He shook out his wrist and wiped his mouth while Alistair laid helplessly among the rotten food and garbage.

Cas forgot about Azazel and Zachariah for a second. He walked over to were Alistair was laying, and straddled him. He bundled up his fist and punched him hard. Alistair sputtered as more and more blood rushed out of his broken nose. Castiel hit him again. Three times. Four times. Six times. Ten times. A dozen.

The fire in his chest was hotter than ever, and anger clouded his mind. His only thought was to hurt Alistair. To punch, kick, pinch, and tear at him until he looked like Dean. Until he was in the same amount of pain as Dean was.

Alistair started crying, and Cas felt a mixture of pride and guilt well up inside him. Mostly pride. But after he saw the tears leaking from Alistair's eyes he stopped hitting him. He held onto his shirt with tight fists and white knuckles, glaring down at him.

He felt like he should say something.

This was usually the part of a movie where the hero would say something clever to the bad guy. Something about good conquering evil. Something about never touching their loved one ever again or else they'd be answering to him.

But Cas knew that what he said to Alistair wouldn't matter. There'd probably be more fights between him and Dean and Benny and Balthazar just like there always had been. Cas was leaving soon. He wouldn't be hear to kick Alistairs ass every other time Dean got hurt. He'd be about as useless as Charlie felt in Kansas. And he'd probably be pranking Dean or messing with the Impala in the next week or so, and they'd be back at it again. It was like listening to pop goes the weasel on a continuous loop.

But, whatever, Cas thought. He just kicked Alistairs ass and that felt great. He had this moment.

Without another word he got up and walked back towards Sam. He eyed Zachariah out of the corner of his eye to see him pressed against the brick wall, wide eyed and mouth gaping.

Sam merely looked up at Cas in astonishment. His green eyes sparkling in that way Deans did that first night on their hill. Cas smiled a tired and bloody smile, patting Sam on the back.

"Dude," said Sam breathlessly, "you're  _awesome_."


	28. A Galaxy Far Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead he just stared at their messages from before they went to bed.
> 
> 'g'night I love you Cas'
> 
> He said it once and he'll say it again;
> 
> All this thinking was going to kill him one day.

Castiel was back in Deans bedroom, holding a cold and wet washcloth to his smarting lip. He sat on Deans bed as the two of them watched Sam reenact the fight from his perspective.

"And-and then-and then-" he panted-as he was moving around quite a bit, "and then Cas just  _wailed_  on him!  _Wa-bam_!" He punched one hand into the other with a loud smack. "Dean you shoulda seen it," he said, "you shoulda seen Cas he was  _so badass_!"

Dean chuckled, having his fingers crawl up Cas' back and to his neck. "I wish I could have."

Sam collapsed on his bed, facing the ceiling. "It was the most awesome thing I've ever seen."

Castiel apologized all the way back to the Winchesters about not making it to the library. Sam kept telling him it was fine, and then would start rambling about how cool it was to watch Cas beat up Azazel and Alistair.

When they reached home Sam ran to the medicine cabinet in their bathroom, doing his best to patch Cas up. He really didn't have that many injuries. Just some bruises on his cheek and a slip lip. 

Cas then fixed up Sams scratched up knees. They weren't as bad as the blood made them look. He only had to put on one flesh colored band-aid for each of them.

When they walked in to face Dean he said, "Did you get into a fight with a librarian?"

And that was how they ended up with Sam enthusiastically retelling and reenacting the story. Cas expected Dean to be more upset over it, but he was calmer than he ever would have thought he would be. Maybe it was the pain meds.

"You're not mad?" Cas asked, removing the cloth from his mouth to speak. His lip felt like the size of a golf ball.

"Mad?" said Dean, "Why the hell would I be mad?"

"Well earlier--"

"Cas, I wouldn't actually be mad at you or Charlie if you guys got into a fight with Alistair. If anything I'm mad at Alistair for hittin' your pretty face."

Cas rolled his eyes, "It's just a fat lip. No where near as bad as your injuries."

"Oh stop, what injuries? I feel like a million bucks!"

Cas and Sam both frowned at him.

"Okay, maybe like one hundred bucks. But really--thats not the point! The point is I'm proud of ya Cas. I can't believe you did that for Sammy."

"I did it for both of you." he said. "I'd do anything for either of you."

"Either way, I say we call in for some celebration pizza."

Sam cheered."Yay!"

Cas just smiled as Dean flipped out his phone.

"Anything to keep me from going home so soon. I don't know how I'm going to explain this fat lap."

"Just tell 'em you were wrestling with Sammy or something." said Dean.

"Yeah," Sam held up his fists, "I can put up a fight too, Castiel."

"You didn't actually fight him, Sammy," said Dean, "You couldn't hit the  _ground_  if you fell off a ladder."

"Shuddup, Dean. I can beat you up with one hand tied behind my back!"

Dean held up his finger to silence his little brother as he ordered the pizza off the phone.

" _Tch_ ," Sam snorted, "whatever,  _jerk_. I can take him, right, Cas?"

"Well, he did sit on you that one time." said Cas.

This made Dean laugh into the phone, and he had to cover the receiver so the pizza person wouldn't hear him.

Just another day with the Winchesters.

A day of fighting off the bad guys,and bloody knees and lips. A day of brotherly bickering, and sweet pie and even sweeter kisses. Then ending it by ordering pizza to celebrate.

Cas watched Sam jump onto Deans bed, sticking up both fists again and saying, "C'mon and fight me, Dean! I'll take you! Bruised ribs or not I don't care!"

Dean sat up and pushed Dean right off the bed. Sam fell with a hard thud onto the floor.

"No fair!" Sam scrambled to his feet, shaking off the fall.

"I win." said Dean.

Cas was really going to miss times like these ones.

XxX

The days that followed went by pretty routinely.

In the mornings Cas would have coffee with John and they would talk. Once he brought his family over to see Dean and Chuck and him both sat down and talked for a while too. Anna had brought Dean flowers and he had to ask Cas later "What the hell am I supposed to do with these?"

Then Cas would wake up Dean and they would maybe Skype Charlie or Benny would come over and they would play cards or talk or watch movies on the laptop. Some days when it was just Dean and Cas they would watch Dr. Sexy together, and Dean would have to explain everything that was going on.

Sometimes when Dean would fall asleep he would go on walks with Sam and Adam and Bones. Once or twice Samandriel came along too.

And sometimes Cas would bring his books and he would read to Dean. Every once in a while he would glance up and catch the look painted on Deans face. One that was so full of adoration and love and dreaminess that Cas half wanted to drop the book and kiss him every time. Just as quickly as he saw it though, he would go back to reading. Dean hadn't caught him just yet stealing those glances. He wanted to keep them to himself.

But then today Dean was acting different. A little bit distant. He didn't give his usual happy groan when Cas kissed him awake, and it seemed like he didn't even try to kiss back. The kiss was empty and cold. He didn't seem to want to Skype Charlie or invite Benny over. He was less touchy which was very very off. Dean was the most physical touch-y person Cas had ever met. That was how he expressed love and felt it, so Cas knew something was up.

He worried that maybe John finally had that same talk with him he had with Cas. It would be something that would bother Dean, but he thought he'd be more open about it.

"Want to watch Dr. Sexy?" he asked him, "I'm sure you're okay to go into the living room today."

"Yeah. I feel a lot better today. Nothing really hurts anymore." He slowly rose off the bed. His bruises were fading on his face and most of the bandages had come off, revealing more scars to add to his collection. The bandages on his hands were still there however. Those had been the worst.

They went into the living room and Cas put in the disc of the season they had left off on. He then settled into the couch next to Dean, feeling the large gap that was between them. It felt like he was in Alaska while Dean was in Louisiana.

"Dean..." he said finally.

"Hmm."

"Is something wrong?"

Dean didn't say anything for a moment, his eyes looking off too.

He swallowed. "Benny said something the other day about you knowing about Lisa."

"Yeah. I do know about Lisa. You told me about her before....and Balthazar told me about her too."

Dean looked up, his eyes suddenly hard. "He did?"

Cas nodded.

"What'd he tell you?"

"He told me that you guys were really in love with each other...and that she had to move away because she was pregnant. He said that you got really depressed after that."

"Oh." Dean turned back to the TV screen.

Cas' tongue felt heavy. "What did Benny say?"

"He said that that night you ran to his house you said you were going to be just like Lisa when you went home."

"Yeah...."

"Why didn't tell me about that?" he said, "or about what Balthazar said?"

"I--I don't know." he twisted his hands in his lap, feeling the heavy rock of guilt sit in his stomach along with the bees of anxiety.

"Do you really want to know everything."

"What?"

"Everything. About Lisa."

"Only if you want to tell me, Dean."

He sighed deeply, laying his hand out in the middle of the gap for Cas to take. He did.

"I met her my first week of school here. I liked her as soon as I saw her. She was funny and smart and friendly, all those good things. We became friends and then we became a thing and then we started dating. My friends and hers all thought we were the hottest couple to walk those halls. They all thought we were so good together and I thought so too. She was good with Sam and Adam, she loved my friends. She was my second serious relationship I've ever had. I was in love with her."

"I started spending all my time with her. I started to forget about plans I made with Benny and Balthazar just to spend more time with her. I lied to them. I lied to Sam. Lisa didn't ask me to do any of these things I just did. Then around Christmas I finally told her I was bi and she freaked out. I shouldn't have waited that long to tell her, but I just couldn't find the right way to tell her. It was horrible. I liked her so much...it wasn't even like-I still don't understand why she freaked out over it. It's not like I cheated on her with a guy, I wouldn't ever do that to her. I'm not a cheater. Anyway we got into a huge fight over it and we broke up. I was really depressed about it because she was the first person I've ever told that I was bi since I moved here. The only other person who knew at the time was Charlie, and she was back in Kansas. I wouldn't tell anyone why we broke up and I don't think she really told anyone either. I hardly had any friends at this point because Balthazar and Benny were so pissed at me, but once they saw how I was they came back and I told them everything."

"I missed Lisa like hell, and I wanted to get back together. When I told her this, she told me it wasn't right for us to get back together because she was moving away. Her dad was making her move because she was pregnant. She wouldn't tell me who the father was, but she said it wasn't me. I still think it is me, but she never told me, and I guess I'll never know because she dropped all connections with me after she moved. I don't even know what the kids name is."

"Oh, Dean..." said Cas.

"So yeah. That's what happened with Lisa. It was rough for me for a while, but I got over it." He squeezed Cas' hand tighter and met his eyes finally, "I'll never be able to get over you though. You're nothing like her."

"Dean--"

He thought Dean may have been coming in for a kiss, but instead he buried his face into his shoulder, nuzzling his nose against Cas' neck. Cas held him tightly.

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I know." He said, "I'm gonna miss you too."

The Dr. Sexy DVD menu played the opening song over and over again in the background, but Dean and Cas payed no attention to it. There wasn't anything else in the world going on at that moment. Only them.

"How're we gonna do this..." muttered Dean.

Cas wanted to tell him it would be okay. He wanted to tell him they'd Skype everyday, and they'd talk on the phone and text and send pictures and it'd all be fine. But he couldn't promise that now. Not when they were so close to that dreadful day when Cas would leave Louisiana for a year. He couldn't promise that they'd always have time to Skype and talk during the school year. Cas knew how busy his family was. He hardly had time to sleep last year he was constantly doing something. He would find time, he decided. He could promise Dean that much. He would find time. Dean was worth it.

He couldn't promise that it would be okay though. It wouldn't be okay. There will be nights when all Cas will want is to feel Deans hands wrapped around his waist as they slept. There will be nights were he's too stressed to think and all he can do is cry and Deans voice over the phone won't be enough. All he'll want is his kisses and his touches. There will be nights where he'll wake up from a dream and turn over to his bedroom window, expecting to see Dean there. His palms pressed up against the glass and grinning like an idiot. And there will be nights were Dean is frustrated or sad or drunk or feeling like he was going to blow up and hit a wall and bust up his hand again, and all Cas will want to do is be there-actually  _be_  there with him. Not just over the computer. He'll want to hold his face in his hands and sit in the back of the Impala listening to the same songs over and over again until Dean calmed down.

"We'll figure it out." said Cas, "We'll make it work. Isn't that what we've been doing all along?"

Deans voice came out, hardly a whisper, "Yeah."

It'll kill him. It'll kill both of them.

It won't be okay.

XxX

The next day Dean was still acting a little weird.

He was much better though, and even awake when Cas arrived that morning. He was sitting at the kitchen table with John, and John even announced, "Hey, you're boyfriends here." so that made Cas assume that John had talked to him about it already.

They all sat together and drank coffee and ate donuts that John had bought this morning. Sam soon woke up as well, padding out in his pajamas with Bones alongside him.

"G'morning everyone." he said sleepily.

He looked the youngest Cas had ever seen him. It was a little odd, because Sam acted so grown up for his age sometimes Cas had to remind himself that he was still only thirteen. But seeing him walk out in an oversized Bon Jovi T-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms with his hair a mess, he looked more like his age than ever before. If anything he was the embodiment of his nickname. He never wanted to call him Sammy more than any other time he had known him. He was a little puppy rolling out of bed.

"Good morning, Sam." They all said as he slid into the last empty chair at the table. He reached across and took a glazed donut from the box.

"I made sure to get your favorite this time, Sammy." said John.

"Thanks, Dad."

As Sam was about to take a bite of his donut he paused. He looked around the table as though finally registering who all was here. He looked at John who was reading the paper, and then to his brother who was onto his third powdered donut and was sporting the worlds worst white mustache-which was now more like a beard, and then he looked to Cas. Who was sipping his coffee and looking back at Sam.

He brought his cup back down. "Something wrong Sam?"

The other two looked up to him when he said this.

Sam just smiled, biting into his donut, "I like this. I like mornings like this one."

"I like these mornings too." Cas smiled back.

After their breakfast John had to head to work and said goodbye. He warned them all to not cause any trouble while he was gone, and Dean said, "No promises, sir!"

When he left all they did was watch Dr. Sexy and Cas and Dean made jokes the entire time that they were the biggest badasses of all time.

"Typical delinquents right here," said Dean, "we're so crazy."

"Put on another episode, Dean, I feel like causing extra trouble today." said Cas.

"You guys aren't funny!" said Sam from the computer.

"We're not trying to be funny, Sammy," said Dean, "we're serious gangsters."

Cas roared with laughter and Sam turned to glare at them. "Are you guys high or something?"

Once they finished about three episodes worth of Dr. Sexy Sam looked like he wanted to murder both of them. So they decided to make it up to him by going on a walk with him and Bones.

Dean stretched, raising his arms into the sunlight and sucking the fresh air up his nose. "Ahhh," he sighed, "I so needed this."

"It's good to see you back to normal now." said Cas.

 _Except you're not acting normal,_  he thought.

He stuck out his empty hand and Dean took it. Something still felt missing.

"I feel awesome."

"Yeah, too bad the doctors couldn't fix your face while you were at the hospital." said Sam.

Dean flicked the back of his ear and Sam hurried up ahead before he could do anything else.

"You bitch!" said Dean.

"Jerk!" said Sam.

Dean and Cas were then left alone. A horrible silence shared between them. Anxiety filled Cas' throat and his gut, buzzing around like TV static. He wanted Dean to say something. He wanted him to say something so he could prove himself wrong-that Dean still liked him. He didn't know why he was worrying about that now. He could just sense something like that he supposed.

He pushed the anxiety away, or at least tried to, "Do you want to go out tomorrow?"

"Sure," said Dean, much to his relief, "where should we go?"

"I don't know. Ellens? Or we could go to the hill. Take the Impala and--"

"Ellens sounds good. I've been craving her burgers for days now."

"Okay. Ellens it is then. Should we go for lunch?"

"That sounds cool." Deans smile seemed forced and his eyes looked sad. He squeezed Cas' hand all the same though. That tiny squeeze was enough for Cas.

It sent a burst of warmth in his chest and sent most of the anxiety rushing away.

Still.

There were still trickles of it running around. The forced smile and the sad eyes. The less touches and the less kisses. The emptiness and the quiet. It was all weird and all very not-Dean.

He didn't think that this was all just because John knew about them anymore. There was something else going on.

He didn't ask him about it then. He didn't want to ruin this day. It was going so well so far.

The anxiety kept him up half the night however. He would stare at the empty space next to him in bed. Thinking about Dean and what was bothering him. Thinking about what he could have said or done wrong. Thinking about what John could have said. Thinking about what Benny could have said.

He pulled out his phone, almost texting Dean all of his thoughts just so he could get it off his chest. Just so he could know the truth and get to the bottom of this.

Instead he just stared at their messages from before they went to bed.

'g'night I love you Cas'

He said it once and he'll say it again;

All this thinking was going to kill him one day.

XxX

The following morning Cas spent wallowing in anxiety. He almost wanted to tell Dean to forget it it was so bad. But he fought it off. He needed to know what was up or else he could end up going back to Illinois never knowing.

Dean picked him up in the Impala. He was wearing his leather jacket today, which Cas always liked to see. He hadn't seen him wear it in such a long time because it had been so hot out lately. When he leaned in to kiss him he made sure to get a whiff of the leather.

"Are you smelling me?" Dean laughed.

"I love the smell of your jacket." he said.

"You do?"

Cas nodded, "I wish I could bottle it up like a perfume and smell it always."

Dean laughed again and kissed him hard on the mouth.

The kisses were warm and loving, but something was still wrong.

They held hands over the center counsel the entire way there and listened to the same old tapes Dean always played. Cas thought he'd listened to all of them about twice now, and there were a lot of cassettes in that shoe box.

The bell tinkled when they entered the restaurant, and Ellen peeked over from the kitchen. She beamed a smile at once when she saw them. They both waved to her and she happily waved a spatula back.

They walked to a free booth and sat down on the plush red leather. They hardly had time to settle in and say five words to each other before Jo Harvelle came sprinting over and hit Dean in the shoulder with her notepad.

"I cannot believe you-" She scolded.

"Hey! I'm still a bit sore there!" He said.

"Dean Winchester I thought you were dead we haven't heard from you since Benny told us what happened!"

"Sorry, I've been busy. You know you can't just take a nap to get over some bruised ribs."

Jo sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose,"Jesus, Dean. You've given me twelve heart attacks already this entire time I've known ya."

"I can have that affect on people."

She rolled her eyes and tapped him lightly this time on the shoulder again, "Whatever. As long as you're okay now. Did you at least put up a good fight?"

"C'mon, Jo," he grinned, "you know I did. Cas here even put up a better one."

She turned to him, brown eyes wide, " _You?"_

Cas smiled and shrugged sheepishly, "I may have broken Alistair's nose."

Jo looked back and forth between them, as though waiting for the punch line. " _Holy crap_ ," she said breathlessly, "no way!"

Neither of them said anything. They just smiled to each other and back to Jo.

"Well, shit, I guess you guys are more perfect for each other than I thought...Congrats Cas on breaking that douches nose-pie on the house?"

"That sounds wonderful."

"Make it apple." added Dean.

"I'll get that for ya. Lemme guess, burgers and cokes for both of ya?"

"You got it." said Dean.

"I'll be right back."

Dean turned to Cas then. The sunlight hit his freckles, "Does this feel real to you?"

"Does what feel real?"

"Everything," he fell back against the plush of the booth, "everybody knows about us now, Cas. Everything just feels...okay."

Cas smiled at him and nodded, though nothing really felt  _okay_  yet. Something was still wrong, "Yeah. I know what you mean, it doesn't feel real."

"So my dad talked to you too."

"Yeah," said Cas, "he's an interesting man once you get to know him. I was so scared when he talked to me though I thought I was going to wet my pants."

Dean laughed, "Oh God. Yeah he told me you seemed a little twitchy. But he likes you, so thats good. He said he had this long talk with you, but all he said to me was," he made his voice deeper in a poor imitation of his dad, "'Boy, are you dating Castiel?' and I said, 'Uhhh...' and he said, 'I already know you are, Dean.' and I said, 'Oh. Yes, I am, sir.' and he said, 'Cool.'"

"Cool?"

"Cool."

They both laughed as Jo showed up with their drinks and then disappeared again as another customer asked her for more coffee. Their laughter disappeared with her.

They fell into a silence again, and the nagging worry and anxiety was beginning to eat at Castiel again.

_Now or never Cassie, now or never._

He swirled the ice cubes around in the glass with his straw to distract himself.

"Dean..." he began.

"Yeah, bud?"

 _Bud_. He hadn't called him bud or buddy since that night Cas' family found them in the living room. Or at least that's what it felt like. He's always referred to him as Baby since then. It was just a little change that wouldn't have bothered him if he wasn't already high strung with anxiety.

He took a deep breath. Telling himself not to freak himself out over nothing. It was just a little thing.

"I know somethings been bothering you lately. And it can't just be about Lisa, or me leaving. It's something else..."

Dean was quiet for a moment. His tone and attitude changing completely. "Yeah." he said.

"Well, what is it?" Cas looked up at him, "Won't you tell me?"

Dean chewed on his lip and staring down at the table.

"Castiel." he said slowly, "I've been thinking about this a lot...and it's killed me every time...I think it's best that before you leave...I think it's best that we break this off now."

Dean might has well took the butter knife from off the table and plunged in right into Cas' heart. He might has well had set Cas on fire in the middle of a parking lot, or left him stranded in the ocean he might has well done a million other terrible things because none of them would have hit him like a sack of bricks like what he had just said.

"What." The word felt numb. Everything felt numb and cold.

"Cas I think we need to break up." he said.

"What are you talking about. We don't need to break up-"

"Cas don't-"

What was once numb and cold quickly turned into fire and tears. Cas could feel them coming. He could feel his nose turning red and his eyes stung as he fought to hold them back.

"Why are you saying things like this I don't understand? We don't  _need_  to break up!"

"Will you just listen to me?" Dean was looking at him now, his face hard but his eyes unable to keep up the charade. He didn't want to do this anymore than Cas did. So why was he?

"Cas, it's best for us to break it off now okay? We're going to go nine months without seeing each other in person and it's going to eat us alive. I don't want that for you okay? We should just stop it while we can."

"But I-" Cas choked, "I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, Cas," he swallowed, "I love you so fuckin' much."

"Then why are you breaking up with me? Lets not break up." He quickly tried to brush off the tears that tumbled down his face and fell onto the table.

"Cas-"

"Dean. Please." He reached across the table and grasped his hand. He held onto his hand as though he were going to lose Dean to a tidal pool or a black hole. He held onto him like he was going to be ripped from Cas' life and the only thing that would keep him here was if Cas held on tight enough and long enough.

"Castiel..."

"I only want you, Dean," he sputtered, "I only want to be with you."

"...Goodbye, Cas."

"Dean no-"

His hand slipped away from his and he started to stand up from the booth. Castiels heart fell out of his chest and into the floor.

"Dean-you can't-you can't-"

Dean couldn't look at him. He couldn't even kiss him goodbye.

"Dean." Cas stood up, more angry than sad now. He watched Deans leather jacket shine like the color of coffee in the sunlight from the windows. "Dean. Dean don't you leave me here you ass!"

The other patrons of Ellen's restaurant began to turn and watch the scene. It would have been embarrassing if Castiel really cared.

" _Dean_!"

He was at the door now, about to set off that little tinkling bell.

"You pr-promised!" he shouted, and it made Dean freeze, "y-you pr-promised we'd make our time together cou-count! You said you'd-you promised that night in the back of the Impala...you said-"

"Castiel." his voice was low and scratchy like sandpaper again. Making Cas flashback to that night in June a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

"Don't."

The bell tinkled.

Cas waited.

Cas waited for something.

He waited to wake up at home in his bed. With the sheets tangled all around him and drenched in sweat with his eyes watering from the dream.

He waited for Dean to come running back inside and start apologizing at once and kissing him and hugging him. Cas would fall into his arms and forgive him, and tell him how stupid he was for doing this. Dean would agree and apologize some more and then they'd go back to the Impala and everything would be okay just like it always was.

He waited for him to come back and tell him that Alistair made him do it or else he threatened to send someone to actually rape Castiel this time. Castiel would understand. But he would tell him not to listen to him, and they'd tell Chuck and Chuck would call the police or do something--anything to keep that from happening.

He waited for Gabriel or Lucifer to jump out with their phones set on record and scream, " _Gotcha! You shoulda seen the look on your face_!" It would have been a cruel trick but he would have preferred it over the reality.

But instead Cas was left standing and staring out the glass door. He watched the Impala in the road. It reeved it's engine and sped and little too fast through town. Some people honked at him but he didn't slow down. The music was the loudest it's ever been, Cas could hear it from where he was standing  _inside_. The engine and the music soon faded off. 

Dean was gone.

"Fuck..." Cas muttered wetly, he fell back down in the booth and broke down. " _fuck him_." He blew snot into the palms of his hands and cried in front of everybody.

Jo ran out as quickly as she could and guided him to the backroom. She didn't really say much to him, she just gave mean looks to anyone who looked like they were going to laugh or who stared too long. She rubbed her hand comfortingly between his shoulder blades.

When they got back there Ellen was waiting and scooped him up in a bear hug. He cried into her chest like he would have done if his mother was here. He cried until his throat was raw and his eyes stung. He cried because of Dean. He cried because he should have known all along. He cried because everyone was right before. He cried because he was leaving Louisiana. He cried because he missed his mom. He cried because he wished his parents were here instead of Ellen and Jo. But they were the best thing he had right then.

Ellen and Jo stayed with him the whole time. They didn't say much at first. They only comforted him with their presence. Ellen muttered softly over and over again, "It's okay. It's all right. Calm down, it's okay..." And once he was finished crying Ellen made him a milkshake and had him sit at a stool while she petted his hair.

"Wanna talk about it?"

He sniffed. "He's stupid."

"We know he's stupid, honey." said Jo.

"Did he--" his voice squeaked as he tried to fight off the tears again, "did he really mean it?"

"Oh, Cassie, baby," said Ellen, "Dean just didn't want to hurt you anymore than he had to. He didn't want to break up with you-"

"Then why did he?"

"Because he knew how hard it was going to be for the both of you during school, and you know that too. He knew it was going to hurt a million times worse not being able to see each other...he's not the smartest of them, but he was just doing what he thought was right."

"Do you think it was right?"

"It doesn't matter what I think."

Cas leaned his head against her shoulder, sipping up more of the milkshake. "Will you call my dad for me?"

"Of course, Castiel." said Jo. "What do you want me to say?"

"Just tell him to pick me up here, okay?"

"What if he asks why?"

"You can tell him if he asks. If I have to tell anyone what happened I think I'll just cry again..."

She nodded and he handed her his cellphone. She went over to the far side of the kitchen to call Chuck.

"I wish my mom didn't hate gay people." he muttered once she was gone. "She'd know what to say..."

"Hey, cut that out," said Ellen, slapping his hand like he had just tried to steal something, "I know you miss your mama but I'm not going to tolerate any of that talk here, mister. You've got tons of people in this town who love you and care about you and they're going to know exactly what to say to you. I know because I'm one of these people. Jo is one of these people. Your entire family. We're all here to support you, Cas. If you ever need anything at all you come talk to me. Whether you're ten minutes away or ten hours. You talk to me."

He sniffed again, rubbing at his eye, "Thanks, Ellen."

"It's what I'm here for, Castiel." She got up and grabbed a box of Kleenex, handing it over to him.

He took out three at a time and blew his nose. He felt a little better, but he still felt like crying. He wasn't all cried out yet. He was just taking a breather.

"How could he just break up with me like that..." his nose started to tingle again, "I don't get it...all summer all we've been talking about-"

"I know, Cas, I know," said Ellen, "Sweetheart we all know."

"He didn't want to, he didn't want to do it so why-?"

"You know why, Cas." She whispered, pulling him into another tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Boys suck thats the bottom line."

"Yeah, they do." He said thickly.

He heard Jo's footsteps slowly padding across the tile floor back to them.

"Here's your phone back, Cas," she said quietly, as though speaking any louder could break him, "your dad is on his way. I told him what happened."

"Okay. Thanks, Jo." He stuffed his phone back into his pocket, but not before he pressed the home screen button and saw the picture of him and Dean on his lock screen.

It was one time when they went back to the pond together with Benny and Balthazar and Sam and Gabriel. They all went swimming of course but Cas just watched them. Dean came out of the water to spend time with him, however. He sat in the sand with his head in his lap as Cas read to him. His fingers in Deans hair. One of Deans legs crossed over the other, and his hands folded across his bare stomach.

Balthazar took the picture.

Deans mouth curved into a small smile, looking blissed, his eyes closed, as Cas read out of  _Of Mice and Men_.

The memory was now sour, and twisted the knife further into Cas' chest. He stuffed his phone into his back pocket as quickly as he could, as though stashing the memory back there as well-along with the other thousands of memories he had from this summer.

"Oh, Cas," said Jo, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and rocking back and forth, "I'm so sorry. Dean is such a dick I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, Jo..." he said, "Thanks, Ellen...thank you..."

"You're gonna be all right." said Ellen.

"Yeah," Jo parted from him. Her eyes seemed a little red rimmed as well, "you're gonna be just fine. If you want I can drop off a bunch of chocolate and junk food and bad romcoms at your house tonight."

He tried to laugh, but it came out more of a choked sob, "Thank you, Jo. But that's okay you don't need to-"

"I'm gonna. I promise it's the number one remedy for break ups, it works every time. Right Mom?"

"Ten outta ten." Ellen nodded.

He smiled at them, his heart still sore but bursting with enough warmth to make him smile. He was genuinely thankful for them.

The bell tinkled outside.

"Castiel?" Chucks voice called as he neared the counter, "Excuse me? Hello? Mrs. Harvelle?"

"Your daddys here, Cas." said Ellen, "Want us to walk you out?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Jo and Ellen flanked his sides as they left the kitchen. When they opened the kitchen doors everyone in the restaurant turned to look at them and Cas felt the embarrassment he hadn't felt from before.

Chucks face was crestfallen, and looked about as crushed as Cas felt. His blue eyes were full of concern and love. All Cas wanted to do was cry again when he saw him.

"Oh, Castiel," he said when he saw him, "Oh, honey, come here."

Cas went to him and fell into his fathers arms. He pressed his face against his shirt as though he wanted to disappear into it. He hung onto Chuck as tightly as he could, and Chuck held back just as fiercely.

"Thank you." Chuck said to Ellen and Jo.

"Anytime, Mr. Shurley." said Ellen behind Cas, "If that boy needs anything else just have him call Joanna."

"You got it." Then he turned back to Cas and pushed his fingers through his hair. "Hey, sport," he said, "c'mon, lets go home. I'll take you home."

Cas didn't say anything. He only parted from his father to walk outside to the car. He stuck by his side however, still leaning on him a bit. Chuck let him. He held onto his sons shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth along it.

The bell tinkled above their heads.


	29. I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He put his phone up to his ear.  
> His fingers had been shaking when he pressed the call button, and now his whole body felt like shaking. His insides too.  
> He drew a shaky breath when the first ring went off.

They were leaving for Illinois in six days.

Six days.

He better start packing up, he decided. He had a lot of clothes to pack up, and survivors. Books. Shoes. All of that.

He sat in the middle of their messy bedroom. Gabriels clothes were tossed everywhere. Piled on the chair, and hanging off the back of it, piled in the corner along with his shoes. Samandriel was at least a bit more tidy than Gabriel. The only thing he had out was a bunch of his toys, and his unmade bed.

Cas had made sure to store all his clothes in the dresser and his shoes under his bed. If he hadn't then he probably wouldn't be able to find anything in here thanks to Gabriel.

He pulled out his suitcase and his bag and started packing things up he knew he wouldn't need in the next few days.

He hadn't heard from Dean in forty eight hours now. He kept looking at his phone. Expecting a message. It killed him every time there wasn't one, and he ended up starting to hide his phone from himself so he wouldn't feel it anymore.

That afternoon seemed like forever ago now.

It was a blur of tears and Kleenex and tight hugs. It was all that topped off with embarrassing.

After his dad picked him up from Ellens they sat in the car in the parking lot of the restaurant. Chuck turned to him and said, "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Castiel just shook his head.

"Okay. I'll make your favorite for dinner. How about that?"

Cas nodded. Except he wasn't thinking about food now. He wasn't hungry. He stared out the window and tried not to break down again.

"Okay." said Chuck.

He drove them home.

When they did get home his brothers and sister were all in the living room. They were all ignorant to what had happened. Chuck had left so quickly he hadn't had time to explain what he was doing or where he was going.

"Hey," said Micheal, "whats up? Where'd you go?"

"I had to pick up your brother from Ellen's in town." their father said, placing his hand on Cas' shoulder.

"Why?" Lucifer twisted in the couch to look at them. The minute he saw Cas' face he got to his feet. He looked like he was going to rip someones lungs out and he hadn't even known what happened yet. "What happened."

"Dean..." Castiels voice broke and his lip wobbled, "Dean broke up with me..."

His siblings collectively looked at one other before turning back to him, their eyes all wide and their mouths hanging open in disbelief.

"You're joking." said Lucifer.

Cas broke down again, sputtering between sobs, "I'm not."

Chuck wrapped his arms around him from behind, leaning his cheek against his head and muttering that it would be all right. Then Anna came over and joined in. Soon so did Lucifer and Gabriel, and then Samandriel, and finally Micheal.

It felt a little ridiculous after, but Cas never felt more support and love from his family in- _God_  knows when the last time that was.

Once they all separated from him Anna brushed his tears away with her thumb and kissed his cheek.

"It's stupid-" he said, "he's stupid-he's so-"

"Cassie I know, little dude, I know," she hugged him tightly again. "Let's go sit down okay? Luci will you get some Kleenex?"

Lucifer went to grab some without another word. Anna guided her brother into the living room even though he felt like he was perfectly capable of finding his way to the couch by himself. He let her anyways. He sat in between her and their father. Gabriel sat next to Anna and Micheal kneeled on the floor with Samandriel who stared up at him with round and confused eyes.

Lucifer came back with the Kleenex and a glass of water, handing them both to Castiel. He leaned on the arm of the couch, watching him as though he were going to blow up or run away again any second now.

"What happened, Cas?" asked Gabriel softly.

And so Cas told them. In between choking on tears and blowing his nose. He told them what happened at Ellens and everything Dean said. He told them about how weird he had been acting the past few days and how he knew something was wrong, but didn't think this would be it.

"...and then Jo called Dad and he came and picked me up." he said.

"Oh, Castiel," said Anna, "I'm so sorry."

"So Dean s'not coming over anymore?" said Samandriel, eyes watery.

"No, buddy," said Lucifer quietly, "he's not."

Cas brought his wrist up to his eyes and rubbed them for the hundredth time, sucking in a painful breath.

"I just thought...I don't know. He said-he said he still loved me but-" he broke himself off and folded into himself. Chuck rubbed slow, small circles in the center of his back and shushed him.

Someone reached up and patted their hand on his knee, he almost jumped when he heard it was Micheal, "He doesn't know what he's missing out on, Cas."

"Yeah, his loss," said Lucifer.

"Maybe starting a relationship here in Louisiana wasn't a smart idea in the first place." said Gabriel.

"Guys, guys," said Chuck, "I know you mean well but Cas doesn't need to hear-"

"I want to go lay down now." Cas deadpanned.

"Oh," said Chuck, "all right...of course, Castiel."

He let him get up from the couch. No one said anything else. He just felt their eyes on him as he walked to the staircase, and then he heard subtle whispers that were too quiet for him to eavesdrop on.

He laid in his bed, still hoping he'd wake up from this nightmare anytime now.

It wasn't until the sun was starting to set that Gabriel came upstairs with a plate of food. He didn't even knock, he just walked inside and sat at the foot of Cas' bed.

"I brought you up some dinner." he said.

Cas didn't respond.

"You hungry?"

He shrugged.

Gabriel sighed and set the plate on Cas' nightstand. "In case you get hungry later."

Cas still didn't say anything. He just stared at the wall and waited for his brother to leave. Gabriel wasn't going anywhere yet though, and he should have known that.

"You know boyfriends really aren't that great," he said, "I love being single, I don't have to worry about anyone else except myself! Besides, now that you know you like dudes your senior year of high school could be the best one yet."

Cas still didn't say anything. He wished Gabriel would just go away. He knew that he was just trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't working. He squinted his eyes shut as though it would make his brother disappear.

"Cas..." he said softly, "Castiel c'mon...say something."

Still nothing.

There wouldn't be anything to say for a while.

That night was a long one.

Cas continued sifting through his clothing and stashing them away in his suitcase. His drawer was almost clean, as well as his side of the room. He flopped down on the floor to check under the bed, making sure none of Gabriels shirts or pants had managed to crawl their way under there.

He did spot one gray t-shirt hiding between the wall and his bed. It looked like it had fallen through the crack in the bed, and Cas had to climb on his bed and reach down for it in order to reach. When he pulled it up he didn't recognize it as one of his brothers' or his own.

It was Deans.

It was Deans Led Zeppelin t shirt that he had forgotten here. He tried to remember the last time he saw him in this shirt. It must had been one time he came over after working at the garage, and he took it off to wear one of Cas' shirts because it was too sweaty.

Cas' heart twisted in his chest, and he started to feel the pinpricks of tears in his eyes again.

He brought the shirt up to his nose and inhaled. It still smelled like him.

Sunshine and leather and motor oil. If Dean was actually here and wearing this, Cas would think he would be able to still smell the cheap green apple scented shampoo. But he wasn't.

He smelled it again, his heart fluttering painfully.

It was like he had just found some long lost treasure, or had stumbled upon a time capsule.

Something from another time. A happier time. A time where he and Dean loved each other wholly and the end of summer vacation was the furthest thing from their mind.

He hugged it into his chest, as though it would help it heal. But it was still missing the shampoo.

Someone knocked on the door and he jumped, as though he were about to be caught doing something bad. He stuffed the shirt under his pillow before Micheal walked in.

"Hey," he said.

Cas got up and pretended he had been busy making his bed.

"Dad told me to tell you that we're going to the beach tomorrow with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Joshua. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Cas rolled his shoulders, tucking in the sheets to the corner of his mattress.

Micheal stood and watched him make his bed for a minute, before getting fed up and saying, "Cas, Cas-can you stop for a second? Sit down."

Micheal sat down on the half made bed first, and then Cas joined him. Micheal looked him in the eyes when he talked.

"Castiel I want to apologize."

Cas frowned, confused.

"I want to apologize again for hitting you."

He almost rolled his eyes, but instead went with squinting them quizzically and furrowing his brow.

"I know I already did, but...I feel like I didn't do it right the first time. I want to say I'm sorry, Cas. I'm really really sorry for the way I acted that night. I was wrong. I was just...I was so shocked and confused it came out as anger in the worst way. I think if you would have came out like you planned on before I would have acted differently-maybe I'm just saying that so I feel less guilty I don't know. But...I just wanted you to know that no matter how hard it was for me-I-I accept you, Castiel. You're my brother and I'll love you always. I might not understand everything but eventually I will. I know no amount of how many 'I'm sorrys' I give you will make up for anything, but I just wanted you to know that. Dean was good to you. You guys were so-you were so sweet together. I hope you work something out with him. If not...I'm always here for you little brother."

Cas fell into Micheal's arms, squeezing him tightly. Micheal squeezed back, a noise catching in his throat like he was about to cry, but he suppressed it.

"Thank you." said Cas softly.

"Hey, yeah," said Micheal, his voice weak, "anything for you."

They separated from the hug but Micheal kept his arm wrapped around Castiels shoulder.

"Want to go get some ice cream? I think Anna and Samanadriel were going."

Castiel nodded.

They got up from the bed and left the bedroom.

He thought maybe getting ice cream would help him feel better, and to forget about things for a while. Micheal probably hoped that too. But it didn't work the way he wanted to.

The Led Zeppelin t shirt under Cas' pillow stayed on his mind like a dirty secret. All he could think about was going back and holding it again. He had one last peice of Dean he could hold onto. Something he could say goodbye to.

He waited until the lights were off that night when he and his brothers went to bed. He stuck his hand under his pillow and took the shirt out, holding onto it like it was a childhood blanket. It was cool to touch and smelled like Dean all the same. He fell asleep with it curled in his fists and pressed against his nose.

He just wanted this. He just wanted something of Deans to remember him by. He didn't need anything else. Just this. That's all.

He dreamt of Dean.

And when he woke up his cheeks were streaked with dry tears.

He wondered if this was ever going to get any easier.

XxX

He sat on his beach blanket under the umbrella Aunt Rachel brought with them.

His knees were drawn up to his chest, and his nose was in his book.

It was a typical summertime scene for the Shurleys. Everyone was in the water except for Castiel. He was wearing his swim trunks but refused to go into the water the entire time.

No one even bothered to ask him to come in today. They were all so used to it.

He had heard them talking last night while they were eating dinner at Aunt Rachel's. He was in the living room pretending to be asleep.

They had been talking about him and Dean.

"Is he any better?" Uncle Joshua had asked.

"No," said Chuck, "he still won't say anything."

"He hardly talks," said Micheal, "and when he does it's just little things."

"It's just like before." said Anna dolefully, "He really opened up this summer and now..."

"I don't think he even said anything during dinner." added Rapheal.

"Have you tried to talk to him about it?" asked Balthazar.

"A few times," said Chuck, "we all have. But he won't say anything else about it. What about Dean?"

"He's talkative. But when he gets sad he gets frustrated and just stalks off."

"We've all had our fair share of bad breakups," said Aunt Rachel, "he just needs some time."

"I know that, Rachel," said Chuck, "But...he seems so- _destroyed_  about this. Dean really had an impact on him. I feel like I can't help him I don't know what to do...his mother would probably know what to say..."

"Don't say that," said Aunt Rachel sternly, "you're twice as good as her."

"He'll work it out himself." said Uncle Joshua, "They both will. You said Castiel is never one to ask for help even when he needs it. He'll come to you when or if he wants to."

"He hasn't even talked about Dean once." said Lucifer, "It's like he just dropped off the face of the earth."

"I know..." added Gabriel quietly, "it's so weird. I know I told him that it wouldn't work out if they were together, ya know? I told him it'd be hard to do long distance...but, man...I was really rooting for them. I thought they could really do it..."

"They were so sweet together." muttered Naomi.

"Dean's been taking it hard too." said Balthazar, "Saying Cas' name around him is like saying Voldemort."

"Like saying what?" said Raphael.

"You know," said Balthazar, "Voldemort. From Harry Potter. It's bad luck if you say his name out loud."

Cas had just rolled over on the couch, plugging his ears with his fingers. He didn't want to listen to them talk anymore.

If given the choice he would have stayed home today. He would rather be laying in bed with Deans t shirt, trying to get over the pain and thinking of a million and one ways to say goodbye. He would rather think of calling his mother again and tell her everything just to tell her. Maybe she'd care. Maybe she'd change her mind.

He thought about that a lot the past few days. Not just because of what his father said the night before. He had thought about her before that. She'd have to care at least a little bit right? She was still his mother. There was still that part of her-right?

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, anxiously wondering about all the good and bad things that could happen with that phone call. Should he? Shouldn't he? He's crazy if he calls her again isn't he. But...

He stopped thinking about her when he spotted Balthazar and Gabriel coming up from the water.

They stood off to the side of a moment. Balthazars arm was around Gabriels shoulders, and he was talking into his ear like he was afraid someone would hear. But they were surrounded by fifty other people so he really had no reason to. Still, he talked as though he was sharing a secret. Gabriel looked over his shoulder at Castiel every once in a while, and Cas pretended not to notice.

They started walking over to him.

He buried his nose deeper into his book.

 _Please,_ he thought _, not now. Please not now I'm not in the mood._

"Hey, Cassie." Balthazar greeted. He sat down in one of the beach chairs they brought and dug around in the cooler for a snack, "Want anything?"

Castiel just shook his head.

"Okay." He pulled out a can of Pepsi and tossed it to Gabriel. He pulled out another one for himself. "Want to go look for some shell fish? Naomi and Anna said they found some little crabs over there."

He thought for a moment, and then shook his head.

"Cas." said Gabriel, "Cas why aren't you talking to me anymore?"

Cas rolled his shoulders, eyes glued to his pages.

"Castiel stop it. Just say something!"

"Gabriel," said Balthazar, "you're not helping."

"No, Balthazar, I'm sick of this!" he said, "This is just stupid! He's being stupid!"

Cas turned to look at him and just glared. Why did he need to say anything? What was the point? What did he have to prove and why did Gabriel think it so important-

"Don't you dare go quiet again after all this," he shouted, "don't you dare go quiet over some stupid breakup-over some guy! It's pathetic!"

"Gabriel-" Balthazar tried again, but Gabriel only talked over him.

"You haven't said five words to me in days. I know Dean meant a lot to you but this is ridiculous! You went through so much shit this summer and you're going to go back to how you were before because he broke up with you? Thats pathetic."

"Pathetic?" Cas blurted, "You think I'm pathetic?"

Gabriel flailed his arms around in the air, "This whole situation is pathetic! Dean didn't even  _want_ to break up with you but he did anyway to ' _spare your feelings_ ' what a load of crap! Meanwhile you've done nothing but lay in bed all day talking to no one just like back in Illinois. He won't talk to you and you won't talk to him-but it's so fucking obvious that you want to talk to each other! Why do you have to make it so goddamn difficult for each other?"

Cas looked to Balthazar who sat awkwardly in the chair, digging his feet into the sand.

"Did Dean really say that?"

"More or less. He misses you, Cassie. He told me not to tell you...but you're my cousin. I just want you to be happy."

Cas turned back to his book just to have something to look at while he thought this over. He played with the pages with his thumb.

"He doesn't want to hear from me though," he said quietly, "its over. It'll just make things harder. You guys were all right. Dean was right. It was wrong to start a relationship here in Louisiana when we're going back up to Illinois. We'll be sad about it...but it'll be okay..."

"But you're not okay!" said Gabriel, "Cas, you can't keep pretending everything's okay when it's not! You can be upset about this, you're allowed to be mad at him! It's okay to not be okay, Castiel. Didn't you learn anything? It didn't work when Mom left why the Hell would it work now?"

"Don't you think that you and Dean should at least talk things out before you leave?" asked Balthazar.

Castiel shook his head.

Gabriel tossed up his hands and ran them through his hair like he was losing his mind, "Hopeless! This is hopeless!"

"It's okay, Cassie..."said Balthazar, sounding a little sad. He bent down and patted him on the arm, "whatever you want."

"Okay?  _Okay_?" Gabriel repeated, "This is not okay! Have either of you been listening to me!"

Balthazar stood back up and grabbed him by the arm, muttering under his breath fiercely, "Come with me."

"What?" said Garbriel.

Balthazar shushed him quickly.

Castiel watched the two walk off towards the shore again. They disappeared into a crowd of people and he lost sight of them, but he had the nagging suspicion that they were planning something. Of course they were planning something. Cas wasn't dumb.

He sighed and rolled his eyes before returning to his book, though now he wasn't able to concentrate on it.

They were going to try and get him and Dean back together somehow. But it wasn't going to work, Dean didn't want them to get back together. And no matter how much Cas would love to try and make it work they were just going to have to accept that it wasn't. He had already come to terms with it. Dean didn't want him anymore.

XxX

He put his phone up to his ear.

His fingers had been shaking when he pressed the call button, and now his whole body felt like shaking. His insides too.

He clenched his fist up in the Led Zeppelin t shirt.

He drew a shaky breath when the first ring went off.

And then his heart dropped when an automated woman's voice told him,

"We're sorry this number is not accepting any calls at this time. Feel free to leave a message."

Then there was a long drawn out beep playing through his head. He sat there, choking on his breath.

She wouldn't see the message if he left one.

He took the phone away from his ear and clicked End with an angry and frustrated thumb. He felt like chucking it across the room.

Instead, he just fell into his bed. Pressing his face against his pillow. Holding the shirt against his chest.

 _I wasn't done yet,_ he thought,  _I wasn't done talking to you yet I have so many things to say I wasn't done with you yet Mom_

She really was done with him.

XxX

"Cas, Cas wake up!"

Cas growled, rolling over and shoving his head under his pillow.

"Caaaaastiel," Gabriel sang.

"Go away." he said.

Someone shook his shoulders. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" it was Samandriel. "It's nearly noon, Cassie!"

"Ugh," he sat up on his elbows and turned to them, "what is it?"

His heart jumped when he remembered the shirt. He couldn't look for it now it'd be too obvious. He could only hope that they couldn't spot it in the mess of blankets and pillows.

"Hurry up and get dressed." Gabriel threw a pile of clothes at his face.

Cas clawed at the pair of pants that had attacked his head, tossing them onto the floor to watch his brothers scramble for the door. He didn't even get a chance to ask what the hell they did that for.

"We'll be downstairs!" said Samandriel as he and Gabriel slammed the door behind them.

Castiel frowned at the door, thinking about how great going back to sleep sounded right then.

He tore back the covers to find the shirt safetly hidden under his blanket. They wouldn't have ever known it was there. He sighed with relief, picking it back up and nuzzling it. He stuffed it back under the pillow. Whatever Gabriel and Samandriel had planned was probably harmless. Samandriel was involved and Gabriel would never allow Samandriel to take part in anything the actually took planning, or anything that was an actual prank.

He got out of bed and got dressed.

Walking down the stairs he rubbed his eyes. The house was silent and he took note of it. It was never this quiet unless everyone was gone or something was horribly wrong. But why would everyone just leave without telling him where they were going?

This made him even more suspicious.

What on earth was Gabriel doing...

He got to the bottom of the stairs, looking around for his brothers.

Before he could even look for them however the front door opened. It was Balthazar.

"Cassie!" His face split into a grin, "You're awake! Great! Come with me."

Castiel frowned at him, standing put.

"Oh, c'mon!" He ran forward and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him out the front door and onto the porch, "We don't have time to waste!"

"Gabriel-?"

"He's coming too don't worry. Just come on won't you! We've gotta hurry!"

"For what?" Cas freed his arm and glared at Balthazar, standing on the sidewalk. He saw Aunt Rachels minivan parked in the driveway, vacant of anyone else. Gabriel and Samandriel had completely disappeared.

"It's a surprise," said Balthazar, "just trust me you're gonna love it, Cassie. C'mon I got coffee in the car for you!"

Cas softened a little. He could really go for a coffee.

"Thats it, thats it," said Balthazar as though he were coaxing a cat out of it's hiding place, "c'mon, Castiel I know you love your coffee. It's black just how you like it too. Nice and warm."

Cas rolled his eyes, unable to hide his smile. He followed Balthazar to the car. His cousin gave a whoop of victory when he opened the passenger side door. A coffee cup was waiting for Castiel in the cup holder.

"Alright now lets go!" Balthazar said, putting the van in reverse.

As Cas sipped the coffee he wondered if this was all a dream. Everything was so jumbled and random it  _had_  to be. But this coffee was tasting all too real, and Balthazar seemed real too. He knew his family was nuts but this was little much. Even for them.

He wanted to ask Balthazar what all the rush was about and where they were going, but he already knew that he wasn't ever going to get an answer. Not until they got to wherever the surprise was.

Balthazar drove to an empty lot in town. He pulled in through the dirt path paved away by past cars that have driven through it, and parked in the grass. Nothing was here as far as Castiel could see. He turned to his cousin, more confused than ever.

This place was empty. What kind of surprise was this?

"Don't recognize this place?" asked Balthazar.

Cas shook his head, still squinting.

He looked around it again. Still nothing. This place had no meaning to him.

Balthazar unbuckled his seat belt and slid out of the car. Cas did the same.

"It'll come to you. C'mon."

They walked around for a while, through long green grass and patches of dirt and gravel. No memories of this place were coming back to Castiel, no matter how far back he searched his mind. This place did not seem familiar at all.

"Where is Gabriel?" he asked finally.

Balthazar shrugged, "He'll be around here in a few."

His cellphone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out to look at the message. As he typed back a response he told Cas, "Lets go over here."

He followed Balthazar again, keeping a close watch out for Gabriel. He was starting to think maybe he was going to jump out and scare him somehow. That was probably it. He and Balthazar were going to go back into the pranking game and take Samandriel under their wing with it. Typical.

"You sure you don't remember this place?" asked Balthazar.

Cas rolled his shoulders in response.

"You probably don't recognize it," he said, "without all the equipment set up."

_Equipment?_

Cas stopped and spun around in a circle, looking the lot over once again.

"Wait..." he said.

"Yeah?"

"Is this...the fair grounds?"

"Ding ding ding!" cheered Balthazar enthusiastically, "We've got a winner! And your prize is just over here! C'mon!"

Balthazar went to run ahead and lead him to whatever 'prize' Cas had 'won'. But Cas stayed in his spot, puzzled.

"Why did you bring me  _here_?" he asked.

"You'll find out just c'mon-"

Balthazar was interrupted when a new voice echoed around the lot. But it wasn't exactly new. Cas knew this voice. It was all kinds of familiar to him. This was the voice that whispered promises and sweet nothings into his ear, the voice that sent butterflies wild in his stomach. The voice that he heard singing along to mullet rock in an Impala and the voice that he heard laughing over a staticy cellphone.

This voice sent a piercing white knife right through his heart.

"Benny why don't you just tell me already?" he said.

"Do you not know what the definition of  _surprise_  is, asshat?" said Benny.

"Dean?" Cas breathed, "Dean and Benny-what are they-? Balthazar?"

He turned to his cousin who just looked guilty.

"Is that Balthazar?" said Dean.

They were still a bit of a ways away, and Dean had to shield the sunlight from his eyes in order to see properly. Cas could hardly see him, but he could tell that Benny was wearing the same "oh shit" face as Balthazar was. As though this was't their plan all along.

"What the hell is Balthazar doing here?" Dean kept walking towards him. "'Zar! Hey Balthazar what are you-"

He stopped.

When he saw Dean his heart jumped.

He had grown out his beard some, enough that he could see the ginger hair on his face. His eyes looked tired and sad. Like he hadn't slept right in a while.

Cas' chest was filled with an overwhelming flow of warmth, but that was immediately taken away when he realized that this was the surprise. And Dean hadn't been brought here by his own consent either.

He could tell this was the case because as soon as they laid eyes on each other Deans face fell with shock. He almost looked like he was about to cry.

He was angry Balthazar had arranged this when he clearly told him that he didn't want to see Dean again before they left.

 _"Oh, fuck_ ," said Dean at once, "Benny, what the hell?!"

He took the words right from his mouth.


	30. Don't Leave Me Tongue Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't take me tongue tied  
> Don't wave no good bye  
> Don't take me tongue tied  
> Don't kiss me good night  
> Don't...

"Balthazar I can't believe you!" said Cas, turning on his heel with his eyes wild and angry, "Take me home I want to leave."

"I told you he wouldn't want to see me!" Dean barked, "I told you!"

"Now hold on, hold on!" Benny held up one hand and held onto Deans arm with the other, "Before you guys run off just hear us out okay?"

"You two have done nothing but mope around for days now," said Balthazar, "it's making us sick."

"All I ever hear from  _you_ ," Benny pointed a finger at Dean, "is 'Cas used to say this, Cas used to do this, remember when Cas did that?' It's horrible man! We haven't had an actual conversation that didn't involve Cas in days! You didn't even talk about him that much when you were together!"

"And all you've done is lay around and not talk to anybody," said Balthazar, making Cas turn back around to face his cousin, "Gabriel says you've cried almost everyday, and that you sleep with one of Deans shirts."

Cas' heart fell. So Gabriel had noticed. Somehow he'd noticed the gray tshirt sticking out from under his pillow, or tucked under his brothers arm when he was sleeping. Maybe it fell on the floor one night and Gabriel picked it up and placed it back safely in Cas' arms. Because it was Gabriel and he would. Cas could see him doing that.

"...You do?" Dean asked softly.

Castiel just looked at his shoes, swallowing against the lump in his throat.

"We just want you guys to talk to each other." said Balthazar.

"Look," said Benny, "you want to be with him, and he wants to be with you, so why don't you both just stop being such babies about it and be together!"

There was a silence shared between all four of them.

Cas' palms felt sweaty, and he honestly didn't know what was the first thing he wanted to say to Dean was. He stared at the ground as though it would give him some kind of answer.

"Cas." Dean said finally.

It made him look up without a second thought. Hearing Dean say his name again was like listening to a long lost voice mail. His heart twitched in his chest.

"I miss you." he said.

"I miss you too." said Cas.

Dean took a few steps forward, but he was still a million miles away from Castiel. Dean flicked his tongue over his lips and ran a hand through his hair, searching for something else to say.

"I didn't want to." He said finally, "You know that right..."

"Then why did you?"

"I just didn't wanna make it worse, Cas-"

"Well you did. You made it ten times worse."

"I made a mistake okay?" He shoved his hands into his pockets, "I make mistakes every damn day. I'm a  _Winchester_  it runs in my blood for Christ sake."

"Is that supposed to make up for something? Is that supposed to be an excuse?" Cas snapped.

"No-no I'm saying I'm sorry okay! I'm fucking sorry. I thought this was the right thing to do but it wasn't and I fucking ruined everything just like I always do and I'm really fucking sorry. This is the worst thing I've ever done in my life, Castiel. I made a mistake. I never wanted to break up with you I just wanted you to be happy in Illinois."

"I could never be happy in Illinois," said Cas, "breaking up with me wouldn't have made that any different."

Dean pressed a hand to back of his neck, looking at the dirt and kicking it around with his shoes. He sniffed. And Cas knew that he was crying. Every fiber in his body told him to run to him and hold him and comfort him, but his brain told him he couldn't do that. Not yet. He wasn't finished yet.

"You were  _my first_ Dean," Cas choked. It made Dean freeze. It didn't even look like he was breathing, "I  _fucked_  you in the back of that Impala. We sat back there and we made promises to each other, doesn't that mean anything to you? You told me you loved me too in the middle of my living room. Is that all just nothing now?"

He looked up now, his eyes red rimmed and his nose redder than a sunburn, "Of course not, Cas, it was never nothing...You're going back to Illinois in four days and all I can think about is you going back to school and finding somebody better than me. You're going to realize I'm shit and forget all about me because I'm stuck here!"

"I wouldn't-"

"Don't give me that. You can't promise that. What do I got going for me, huh? I'm no good for you, Cas."

"So, you broke up with me because you think you're not good enough for me?" Cas blinked away angry tears, " _You_  decided that you weren't good enough for me. That I deserved better than you. Don't you think you should have left that for  _me_  to decide?"

Dean said nothing.

"Dean Winchester," he coughed, shaking his head, "you're unbelievable."

"I made a mistake." He repeated under his breath, still looking at the dirt.

"You left me." said Cas.

"Yeah."

A steady silence filled the air. Balthazar and Benny standing side by side now, watching with wide eyes and standing as though they were prepared for the unexpected. Which was probably wise. Cas didn't even know what to expect. He had no idea where this was going, but he did hope it was going somewhere good.

Dean spoke again, his voice choppy like ocean waves, "I'm...I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for the way I broke up with you and for just leaving you at Ellens-I'm sorry. You have every reason to hate me and everything but I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I should have never done it. I shouldn't have even thought about it. I'm the worlds biggest fucking screw up."

"I don't hate you, Dean." said Cas.

"Well you should." He but his lip, staring off in the field as the sunlight shined on the rolling tears dripping down his cheeks. "You're the best thing I've ever had and I just...I just gave you up like that. What kinda idiot does that."

"Dean." Cas took a step forward, his fists at his sides and his heart drumming with the force of a million war horses. All he could think about was brushing those tears away. "Haven't you ever heard of the saying that if you love something, you set it free?"

"Yeah." he said, gulping. He still wouldn't look back to Cas.

"And if it comes back it was meant to be. If it doesn't it never was."

"Yeah, so? What're you sayin'?"

Cas was walking closer and closer to Dean now but he didn't seem to notice. He was still sucking on his bottom lip, trying his damnedest not to sob in front of them all.

"I've tried to hate you before," said Cas, "I've tried. But even when I'm mad at you I can't help but be crazy in love with you."

Dean finally turned at the sound of Cas' voice being so close to him. He almost looked surprised to see him standing there.

"This is me coming back to you, Dean."

Dean grabbed a hold of him, hugging him tighter and harder than he's ever hugged Cas before.

"We're so stupid," he said into Cas' shoulder, "I'm sorry. This is so stupid I'm sorry. Don't ever leave me you're the best damn thing I've got."

"You're mine, Dean," Cas muttered, letting the tears finally pour out from his eyes out of happiness. Dean was finally back in his arms and his voice was next to his ear. Everything was right again, "And I'm yours."

"I'm yours." Dean echoed, "I'm yours."

They stood still. Hugging and not saying anything for a while. Cas thought of staying here forever just like this. He forgot about Balthazar and Benny for a mintue. He forgot about Louisiana and Illinois.

For a minute everything was okay.

Until Benny coughed into his hand to signal them that there was other people around them.

Dean and him picked up their heads to look at them. Balthazar had his hands over his mouth, smiling like an idiot. Benny was slowly clapping, trying so hard to hide his grin.

"Now this is a Kodak moment." he said.

"Shuddup, Benny." said Dean, right before he kissed Cas on the temple.

XxX

Balthazar and Benny left in Aunt Rachels car. Cas and Dean left in the Impala. Gabriel and the rest of his family were at Aunt Rachels all day and it turned out that they all knew about this little plan of Balthazars. Cas tried to be angry with his cousin, but he really couldn't. Not when he was holding a scarred and calloused hand in his, and recounting the millions of freckles on Deans nose.

"Can we not go to Aunt Rachels right away?" he asked, "can we sit here for a second?"

"Of course, Cas." said Dean, he turned off the car, her purr coming to a stop.

They sat in quiet for a few moments. Hands holding hands over the counsel, but eyes not meeting.

"Anything you wanna talk about?" he added.

Cas chewed on his bottom lip.

"When you broke up with me I called my mom."

"Why?"

"Because...I was sad. I was sad and I needed someone to talk to. She used to...she used to always know what to say and I thought maybe if I called her again and told her what happened it'd be different." He twisted his hands in his lap, his heart heavy.

"...And?"

"She blocked my number."

"Oh, Cas, no," Dean leaned over to grab his shoulder and pull him into a one armed hug, "I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," he said, "I shouldn't have even tried in the first place."

"What a bitch."

"Dean!"

"I'm sorry, Cas, but seriously, she's a bitch. How could she do that to you? What if it was an emergency and she wasn't able to anwser you because she's so fucking homophobic she can't get over it even for her own kid. It's so fucking-"

"Dean." said Cas, "I know."

He took a breath, relaxing against the seats, "Sorry."

"It's okay. She really is a bitch."

Dean half-smiled. He turned to face the windshield. His hands on the steering wheel but they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

"I've uh...got something to say too."

"What is it?"

He paused for a moment, pressing his soft and plush lips together in a hard line. Then it all spilled out like a toddler dumping it's soup onto the floor. "You know I couldn't ride in Baby because of you."

Cas frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I felt so shitty, Cas. After I dumped you like that I couldn't drive her without looking in the rear view mirror and seeing you there. I used to see you there all the time after we fooled around back there. But then after Ellens' I didn't see you happy anymore. All I saw was you crying and looking miserable. That fucking killed me. I really thought you hated me."

"Dean..." said Cas.

He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "You know what, Cas, I've been with a few people. I won't say lots. But none of them have had the impact you've had on me. I just...I feel like we're  _supposed_  to be together. Do you ever feel like that?"

Cas smiled, clamping both hands onto Deans and kissing his knuckles. "Yeah," he said, "Yeah I do. All the time."

Dean relaxed back against the seats, grinning blissfully and running his thumb along Cas' fingers. Cas leaned back too. He glared out the windshield as the sun warmed their faces. He sighed heavily out of his nose before saying weakly.

"I've gone through a lifetime in this summer. I've gone through...so much this summer. I've gone through more than I've ever had in my entire life."

"I know, baby," Dean said softly, his fingers tightening around Cas', "it's been a Hell of a ride."

Castiel turned back, feeling happier than he's ever had in a while, "It's all because of you. You changed my whole life."

Dean's ears turned a bit red, and he suddenly became sheepish. He looked away from Cas and to the steering wheel. "I can have that effect on people." he joked.

"Dean." said Cas, "I'm serious."

"I know." he said.

"How am I supposed to leave Louisiana now? I feel so different. I  _am_  different."

Dean turned back to him, smiling softly and leaning forward to press a kiss on his forehead.

"It'll be okay."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't. But, hey, we've gone through this much already. What else is there?"

Cas felt a grin stretching across his face. He caught Deans cheeks in both hands and stole a kiss on the mouth. Kissing Dean like it would be their last, but there would be many more in the last three days he had here. But he was still going to treat every one like it was going to be their very last. Because dating Dean Winchester meant a life of unpredictability, he's learned that much.

Dean kneaded his hand through Cas' hair, leaning over the seats and the counsel just to get closer to him. Cas was already trying to undress him, pawing at his shirt and his face, letting the stubble scrape across his soft palms.

Smiles and heavy pants were shared between kisses.

The warmth that flooded through his body was overwhelming. He couldn't even remember feeling like this once before. He loved Dean so much in this moment, and he wanted him to know it.

As Dean hovered over him, (his shirt had 'mysteriously' vanished) and he sat crunched in the front seat, he gazed hopelessly into the green eyes looking back at him. He ran a hand through Deans hair, pushing it away from his face.

"I'm in love with you." he said softly.

Dean seemed at a loss for words for a moment. His lips as pink as his cheeks, and mouthing the words that wouldn't come past his tongue.

"I'm in love with you too, Cas," he said finally, hardly a whisper, as though it were a secret, "I'm so fucking in love with you it's driving me crazy."

He dove in for another kiss, sending Cas' nerves skyrocketing for the moon. He kissed him back, wrapping a hand around his neck so he wouldn't part so soon.

Everything was going to be okay now. It was bound to be.

They were well past due for a good day.

XxX

After a long and exhausting day at his Aunt's house Castiel was happy to lay in his bed reading the last few pages of his book. Samandriel was sound asleep in his bed already, his mouth open and drooling a bit on his pillow.

Gabriel had just come in from the bathroom. His hair was wrapped in a towel and his mouth was occupied with the gummy worms he was shoveling into his mouth.

"You're going to have nightmares if you eat that many sweets before going to bed." Cas warned, not taking his eyes away from the text.

"Up yours, Asstiel," said Gabriel thickly.

Cas rolled his eyes and smiled a little behind his book.

"Hey," said Gabriel, "hey, Asstiel."

"What Gabriel."

"You and Dean...you're good now?"

"Yeah. We're good now."

"Okay. I didn't know if you guys just made up or if you were back together...and I didn't want to make it awkward."

Cas looked up at him from his book, smiling softly, "No, we're good. We're together again."

Gabriel gave a thumbs up, shoveling another handful into his mouth.

"You're welcome, bro."

Cas closed his book now, setting it on his lap. "Don't pretend like you were behind all this."

"But I was!"

"Balthazar and Benny were."

"No way! I can't believe that little English twat took all the credit! I planned it all! I was the evil genius! The mastermind! The match maker! And do I ask for any thanks? Do I get any recognition? No! Of course not! No one gives a hoot about good old Gabriel."

"Okay, Gabe."

"I was!"

" _Mmhm_."

Gabriel huffed, falling back on his pillows and setting his gummy worms to the side. He scratched at his head with the towel before tossing it to the floor. His hair was wild and tangled now.

"Whatever," he said, "you guys are good. That's the whole point. And you're talking again, so that's good too."

Cas smiled faintly at him. Gabriel was pulling the covers over his feet and torso now and settling his head on the pillows.

"I'm sorry, Gabriel," said Cas, "for the way I acted. It was...stupid."

"Nah, it wasn't," said Gabriel, "the person you have sex with the first time means a lot, I know. The person you first love means a lot too. It's hard to hate the first person you fall in love with, and it's hard to get over them. It's hard to get over them when the person you share your first time with and the person you first fall in love with are the same person. No break up is a good break up, but the first one is rough. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. You were dealing with it in your own way like you always do."

"You were just looking out for me." said Cas, picking up his book again.

"I didn't want to lose you again, Castiel."

Castiel paused, staring at the words in his book but not reading them. They were all just black smudges on paper. He turned back to his brother, who hadn't moved an inch.

"Thank you." he said, "For everything, Gabriel."

Gabriel pretended to smile his stupid trickster smile, but that couldn't hide the real joy and love on his face and in his eyes.

"You're welcome, Asstiel," he said, "I'm going to bed. G'night."

"Night, Gabriel."

He leaned over and turned off the lamp beside his bed. Leaving Cas' lamp the only light in the room now.

But soon that was turned off as well, and the room was plunged into darkness.

It was half-past midnight and Cas was still awake, listening to the sounds of his brothers' breathing and dreaming. He couldn't fall asleep, and he had already finished his book an hour before. Dean had already gone to bed, so there wasn't really much to do besides scroll endlessly on social media websites on his phone. Until he got bored of that.

He sighed and stared up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to finally come.

He thought about his bedroom back in Illinois. He really did miss it. He missed his blankets and his mattress. He missed having a room all to himself. He was making himself homesick thinking all this, but he figured if he made himself homesick it would make him miss Dean a little less. Make it a little less harder to go home. He missed home. But it would be different now. A good different, but different.

He found it funny that when they first got here all he could think about was going home. Now that they were going home, all he could think about was staying here.

He was still going to miss Louisiana and Dean. They didn't have sunshine like that back in Pontiac.

His cellphone buzzed on the nightstand. Dean had messaged him.

'you awake?' it read.

Cas wrote back, 'yeah, I cant fall asleep.'

There was an immediate response. 'I'm outside.' then another one right after, 'window'

Cas sat up in his bed, frowning down at his phone. He got out and went to the window, pushing it open and leaning his head out to peer down at the grass. Sure enough, Dean was down there, waving his phone up at him.

"Dean!" He whisper-yelled.

"Hi, Cas!" He whisper-yelled back, "be up in a second!"

He then started climbing up the side of the house. Cas waited for him to reach the window before he scolded him. He didn't even hear the Impala pull up, he would have recognized the sound. So that meant that Dean had walked-or ran-here. He was either causing trouble tonight or was doing something unrelated. Cas assumed trouble. This was Dean.

"What're you doing here?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. I ended up here."

"Ended up." Cas repeated.

"Shut up," he said, "is it a crime now to see your boyfriend?"

"No. Usually when you don't drive the Impala over it means you're in trouble."

Dean pursed his lips comically, "Hey, I'm not always causin' trouble you know. I'm a changed man. Now let me climb in before I fall."

Cas stepped out of the way, gesturing to the floor for Dean to enter on. "Right this way, Romeo." he said.

Dean was always so graceful climbing in through windows. It was a wonder how he never hit anything with his boots or came crashing to the floor to rattle the whole house.

"Were you a gymnast in a past life?" asked Cas.

Dean looked up at him while he was untying his shoes. He smirked, "Possibly. You would know. I'm pretty bendy."

Cas snickered, hitting the back of his head lightly for making him laugh while everyone was sleeping.

"We have to be quiet."

Dean snorted, "Your whole family sleeps like bears in hibernation. I could fall down the stairs and no one would wake up."

"Just get into bed."

He brought his hand up to his forehead in a solute, puffing out his chest and saying. "Whatever you say, tiger."

Cas rolled his eyes at him again, climbing back into bed. Dean followed suit, laying on his back while Cas nestled into his side. He pressed his ear to Deans chest. He could hear his heart beat. He listened to it while they talked.

"So why did you come over?" asked Cas, "Did something happen?"

His head bobbed as Dean chuckled.

"Nothing happened, Cas," he replied, "I just wanted to see you."

They talked about nothing for about an hour. Until Dean finally started yawning and turned over in the bed. Cas wrapped his arms around him, and pressed his cheek against Deans back. The Led Zeppelin tshirt laid forgotten under his pillow for tonight. He could smell the apples and the leather and the oil and sunshine right here. Even better, he could feel warm skin and rough scars under his fingers. He could feel Dean breathing, and listen to his heartbeat like it was his favorite song.

He smiled happily, nuzzling into Dean more.

"I'm gonna miss this." Dean whispered.

Cas shushed him. "Don't talk about that tonight."

"Okay."

They were asleep in minutes.

XxX

The day before they were due to leave Aunt Rachel threw a party at her house and invited everybody. Benny, the Winchesters, Ellen and Jo. The house smelled like sugar and pie. Outside the patio was drenched with water from the kids running back and forth from the pool, but when given the smallest opportunity the hot Louisiana sun would dry it up and it would go back to blistering your bare feet if you dared to step on it.

The past few days Cas spent every moment with Dean. Sometimes with Sam, sometimes not. Sometimes with the Shurleys, and sometimes in the back of the Impala. Wherever Cas was, Dean was right there with him. They didn't really talk about the distance between Louisiana and Illinois, they talked about other things. Things that would keep their mind off it so they could enjoy the moments they had. Cas was just happy to have Dean back. He was himself again, and everything felt right.

Cas was now sitting at the island in the kitchen. Watching with a smile on his face while John and Chuck talked on and on about whatever it was they were so enthusiastic about.

He was waiting for Dean to get back. He had apparently forgotten something back at the house.

Cas had brought Deans Led Zeppelin shirt to give back to him too. He had been asking for it and making fun of Cas that past few days because he was still sleeping with it.

"You have a crush on meee," Dean would tease. "You stole my tshirt and now you're sleeping with it-you dork."

"Dean we're dating." said Cas.

"I know, but still," he laughed, "you have a crush on me. How embarrassing."

Cas just rolled his eyes and kissed his stubbly cheek.

Benny slid onto the stool next to Cas, holding a plate full of food that was nearly spilling off the sides. "Heya, Cas," he said thickly.

"Hello, Benny."

"Can't wait to get back to Illinois can ya?"

"I could probably wait another month or so."

Benny laughed, clapping Cas on the back. "You'll be fine. Dean'll be fine. I'll look after him for you how about that?"

"Will you be looking after him or will he be looking after you?"

" _I'll_  be looking after both of them." said Balthazar, swaggering over and leaning against the counter top, "Leave those two idiots alone for five minutes and they'll be pissing all over Zachariahs car again in the middle of the night."

"Don't act like you didn't think that was funny." said Benny.

"Oh, I'm not acting," said Balthazar, "trust me."

"You'll watch out for Alistair won't you?" said Cas, "Like really watch him."

"You don't need to worry about Alistair, Angel," said Benny, "Mr. Winchester had a talk with the police and a talk with the school. If Alistair so much as looks at Dean the wrong way he'll get suspended."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You don't want to mess with John Winchester," said Balthazar, "I'm half surprised he didn't go right up to Alistairs doorstep."

"I wouldn't doubt the thought had crossed his mind." added Benny.

"We'll still keep a watch on him though, Cassie," said Balthazar, ruffling his cousins hair.

"Yeah, we'll keep a watch on him through the bushes to make sure he's not home when we-"

Balthazar leaned over and smacked his hat off his head.

The front door creaked open and fell shut again. Cas didn't have to peak around the corner to know that it was Dean who was back, because Samandriel clarified that for him.

"Dean!" he said happily, "Dean, can you play with Adam and I? Please, please?"

"Yeah, Bean, please?" Adam added, locked to Samandriel by the hip.

"In a minute you guys," he said, "I gotta see Cas first, okay?"

His footsteps padded into the kitchen, where every other person who noticed him would stop and say hello. He managed to dodge a few, but then he ran into Ellen, who wouldn't let him leave without a proper hug and a talking to that involved her waving her finger very disapprovingly.

Deans eyes kept flicking over to where Cas was sitting. As though he was telling him,  _I'm trying here!_ Cas just giggled into the palm of his hand.

Once Dean finally managed to escape, he raced over to the island. "Here." he breathed.

"Finally," said Balthazar, "we were starting to think you ditched us."

"Sorry," he said. "I had to go back for...something."

"It couldn't wait one more day?" said Benny.

Dean gave him a pointed glare, but then seemed to relax, "No, I couldn't."

"It could have just waited for tomorrow though." said Balthazar.

"Cut it out guys you're gonna ruin it."

Cas frowned, looking around at them all before settling on Dean.

"What're you talking about? What did you go back for?"

Dean just smirked, looking up at Benny and Balthazar who were trying to hide their own smiles. Dean grabbed Cas' hand.

"Wanna go outside with me?"

"Where are we going?"

"Just for a walk to the 'pala."

"Okay." his heart was racing though he wasn't sure why. Dean obviously had some kind of surprise for him. Perhaps something in the Impala.

He grabbed the Led Zeppelin shirt from off the back of the stool before going out the front door. They took a walk down the driveway. The Impala was parked at the end of it. The sun shining on her smooth, midnight black exterior.

Dean walked with his hands shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket. Cas found it a little odd that he was wearing it in this heat, but it wasn't all that surprising.

"You hot?"

"Oh, Cas,  _you know_ I'm hot."

Cas playfully shoved his arm, "I mean in that jacket. You must be sweating buckets."

Dean shrugged, "You said you like it when I wear my jacket. And it's my last day with you..."

"Well I don't want you to end up getting heatstroke!"

Dean laughed, "Fine, fine."

They were nearing the Impala anyway, and he would be able to stash it in there. He took off his jacket, pulling something out of one of the pockets. Cas wasn't able to see though, because he then hid it in his back pocket of his jeans.

"And it's not your last day with me," Cas reminded him, "we still have tomorrow morning."

"But thats not a full day," he said, "I'm going to see you for two hours tops."

"Maybe you can sleep over then."

"If I sleep over Sammy's going to want to sleep over too."

"That'll be fine. It could be fun."

Cas was trying to lean back and see whatever it was that Dean was hiding in his back pocket. He attempted this a few times, but Dean caught him every time.

"Will you stop staring at my ass," said Dean, "you're such a horn-dog."

Cas stuck his tongue out at him, "You're hiding something."

They were at the Impala now. Dean pretended he had no idea what Cas was talking about. "What? Hiding something?"

"Don't play games."

Dean just grinned wickedly at him.

He tossed the leather jacket into the passenger seat through the window. He then leaned against the door of the car, his hands behind his back. Cas gave him a look. He wanted to know what the surprise was.

"What?" said Dean innocently.

Cas just squinted at him, cocking his head to the side as though it would help get information out of him. Dean still didn't budge.

"Here's your shirt back," He held it out in front of him, "it probably smells more like me now than you."

Dean just smirked. He didn't take it. His hands remained tucked behind his back.

"I have something for you," he said.

"No kidding. What're you hiding?"

"Dang," he said, "I thought you'd never suspect-"

"Lemme see you asshat," Cas smiled, pawing at Deans freckled arms, trying to get him to turn around.

Dean swatted him away, laughing. When Cas finally fell back he pulled out his hands.

In his palms was a small and rectangular shaped present, crudely wrapped in left over Christmas wrapping paper. Cas swiped it from him, stuffing the shirt under his armpit for a moment. He ripped a part the wrapping paper, letting the pink cheeked Santas and smiling reindeer fall to the ground around him.

"It's your birthday present." Dean added.

In his hands was a black cassette tape. Written with a blue sharpie on it it read 'For Cas'.

His heart lit up like a Christmas tree.

"It's pretty vintage I know," said Dean sheepishly, "but I know you wanted one. It's just a bunch of songs that remind me of you, plus I put some of your favorites on there. Even though your music tastes sucks."

"Thank you," said Cas, wrapping him in a tight hug, "I love it so much. Thank you."

"You can, um, you can keep that shirt with you too. Take it home with you."

"But I thought it was one of your favorites."

"You can hold onto it for me." He smiled.

"You sure? You're not going to miss it?"

Dean shook his head again, looking at the dirt before meeting his eyes, "I'm going to miss you way more than that shirt. I've got three more just like it. "

"Of course you do," said Castiel.

He tightened his hold on Dean, burying his nose into his neck and smelling that wonderful smell of cheap apple scented shampoo and leather. He wished they could stay out by the Impala for another hour or so just staying like this. He didn't want to go inside just yet.

"Hey, Cas..."

"Yes, Dean?"

"I love you."

"I know."

And then Dean kissed him. He kissed him hard and long and good. He kissed him right then and there, right in front of God and everybody. Because Cas knew that his family and Deans were watching from the living room windows, their noses smudging the glass.

The kiss was as bitter sweet as the last day of summer was.

Bitter because summer was over. No more free time. No more lazy days sitting in the sun. No more beach trips, or fairs, or endless amounts of time just to sit in the Impala, or a bedroom and talk. It was all gone. But it was also sweet because you get to go back to school a little more grown up than you were the year before. A little taller, tanner, thinner, or maybe thicker. You're more mature.

That was what this summer was going to be like in the back of Castiels mind. A bitter sweet memory. Bitter because he knew he was going to miss Dean. And sweet because he was always going to remember him. His kisses. His voice next to his ear in the morning. His fingers curled around his hand. He was always going to remember him.

They would make it work. He knew they would.

It would be okay.

He couldn't wait to come back next year.

xxx

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's stuck around since the beginning. I can't believe this fic is finally done after a YEAR. I had no idea it would take this long/be this long, and seeing every review and kudos always kept me going and writing. Thank you again so so much. :)


End file.
